My boyfriend [25M]was diagnosed with depression last year after getting into a car accident. He is still in recovery but is able to walk, but it hurts all the time even if he stays in bed all day. Because of this accident, I [21F] had moved in with him last year to help him with things around his house and to be his support system through his recovery. Fast forward to a year later, we seem to have found ourselves in a rough patch. He is currently not working as walking around at his job was slowing his recovery and causing him a lot of pain. I am currently working full time and also studying part-time to get my degree.

Recently, he has developed this habit of not telling me when he is upset about something, and would only tell me if I kept asking him about it. He would be very quiet the whole day, won’t eat and lie in bed all day, which is a tell tale sign for me that something is up. I know that all the above is common effects of depression, but normally he will eat with me because he enjoys eating with me, and he would play his computer games instead of lying in bed. He constantly has this idea that he is burdening me or that I don’t love him and it has recently escalated into fights. He would bring up some scenarios to prove his point, but most of the time, I feel that he just misunderstood the situation and didn’t bring it up to me, which lets him simmer in his feelings for too long. I overthink too, but I have learned that I need to bring it up to him instead of keeping quiet and assuming. I have brought this up to him before and he said he would try to communicate his feelings to me. With our recent “fight”, I told him that I am trying my best to help him and that I felt that it’s not fair to me if he doesn’t communicate his feelings and just assumes the worst of me. He does support me as well, especially when school or work is stressing me out, he always does anything he can to help me feel better. Yes, he is on medication and is seeing a psychiatrist.

In all honestly, I am trying not to break. I am trying to juggle school, work, my social life and having breakdowns due to our fights. I have tried looking up some advice to help improve my mental health like working out, meeting up with my friends, having some alone time, doing things I like etc. I am doing all these things because I want to be strong for him, so that I can be his support system. I want him to get better because seeing him like this breaks my heart. I don’t tell any of our friends or family about our current situation because I don’t want them possibly judging him. I have considered going to therapy as I feel like I need a someone to hear me and help me through my feelings, but I am worried if I bring it up to him, he will think that he is burdening me. I also fear that I might be too immature to be his support system due to our age gap. This is my first time being with a partner that has depression and I’ve never had depression before so I can’t know exactly how he is feeling/thinking. How do I navigate through this and help him get better? Any advice on how to keep myself together? Any advice is appreciated.

TLDR: My boyfriend has depression and I need advice on how to be there for him and stay strong myself.

I [23f] have been with my boyfriend [31m] for a little over two years now and have recently been having some serious problems within our relationship concerning boundaries. (That’s a post for a different time) a huge thing for me is that he still has the promise ring that he gave to his previous girlfriend. That girl was his first relationship and they were together for some years however that ended over 8 years ago. He used to often talk about her and how “horrible” she was as a person and that he felt forced to be with her. He talks about how he “had no choice but to financially support her” and makes it seem like all of this was against his will. But he still has this ring. When I asked about it he tells me it was a funny story about the ring that he got it for her for Christmas and they ended things three months later. I missed the joke I guess. I find it disrespectful and it makes me feel like he still wants her. We live in an apartment together and I’m the breadwinner. I work full time, cook, clean, and go to school full time. He brought this ring to my home. I asked why he still had it and he kept saying he wants to sell it but it’s been 8 years that you haven’t sold it your in an entire new relationship. I don’t know how to react about it. It’s a beautiful ring. It’s bring me a lot of anger though and my impulsive thoughts make me want to text his previous girlfriend because she frequently stalks my page on social media and give it back to her and tell him to go with her too. He has told me that she has begged him to go back to her and that she said “she messed up with a good man” I want him to get rid of it throw it away but I don’t want to have to tell him that I want it to be his decision

TLDR he has the promise ring that he got for a relationship that was 8 years ago and still hasn’t gotten rid of it. I hate it, I find it disrespectful and want it gone

Am I toxic for thinking this is way? How would you react?

I live with my girlfriend and a 3 years ago I bought an expensive tv. I mentioned to my gf that I’ll dust it etc so she shouldn’t clean it since she usually dusts the living room. She agreed to this.

Last weekend we were cleaning and she sprayed the tv and wiped it. The screen is now unwatchable. I mentioned to my gf that she needs to replace the tv or pay for the screen to be repaired. When looking at costs it is cheaper for her to just replace the tv.

She refused to do this and said It was my tv so I should replace it. I pointed out she was the one who broke it so it’s her responsibility. she said it was too expensive and I shouldn’t be expecting her to spend that much but I just repeated that it’s on her to replace since she broke it.

I pointed out if I crashed her car she’d expect me to pay but she tried to argue it was different.

Does anyone have any advice on how best to approach this or have any other views on it?

tldr my girlfriend broke the screen of my tv. When I mentioned she’d have to get a replacement she argued she shouldn’t have to because she didn’t mean to break it,

I know this is a long post , for those who read I really appreciate you. TLDR at the end.

My husband and I are both 22, and we’ve been together since we were 17. He’s my first boyfriend, first love, and first everything. I honestly don’t know if we’ve been fighting for our marriage or just holding onto each other because we’ve grown up together.
When I met him, I fell for him because he was attractive, funny, charming, and independent. Every guy I’d talked to before him was either extremely needy or treated me like an object. He was different. He didn’t make me feel like he needed me to survive, and I admired that.
Our first major issue happened early in the relationship.
He had a girl best friend that made me really uncomfortable. He would delete their texts and call logs, which immediately made me feel like he was hiding something. Whenever I’d ask about it, he’d tell me nothing had ever happened between them and nothing ever would because she had a boyfriend.
At one point he called her pretty right in front of me and even told me she was better than anyone I knew.
The final straw happened about a week before he left for Marine Corps boot camp. He told me he was driving to LA to see his mom. Then his dad texted me asking why I wasn’t going with him to see his friend. That’s how I found out he was actually planning on seeing her.
I told him it was either her or me because I couldn’t keep feeling like I came second.
He called her in front of me, told her he was choosing our relationship, and she cussed him out and told him never to contact her again.
He cried afterward.
We stayed together, but looking back, I think that’s when trust first started cracking.
After he left for boot camp, I got drunk at a work party and one of my coworkers kissed me completely unprompted. I immediately told him I loved my boyfriend and only wanted to be friends.
Instead of backing off, he became weirdly obsessed with me. One time he drove me home and had every single song from one of my Instagram highlight playlists playing in the exact same order. It honestly scared me.
I eventually cut him off.
Around that same time, another guy friend admitted he had feelings for me. We had never done anything together, but I cut him off too because I didn’t want to entertain someone who liked me while I was in a relationship.
After I cut him off, he contacted my boyfriend and mixed a bunch of lies with bits of truth that made me sound guilty.
That’s when our trust issues really exploded.
He made me take off my promise ring because he didn’t trust me anymore, and long distance became miserable.
About a year later, after we’d already gotten engaged, married, and moved in together, I checked his phone and found out that during that same period he’d been on dating apps for about a week. While I was carrying the guilt of what happened with my coworkers and being treated like I’d destroyed the relationship, he had been doing that behind my back.
About four months after all of that happened, he proposed.
Four months later we got married.
Two months after that we moved in together.
About a month after moving in, he promised me he wouldn’t volunteer for deployment unless he absolutely had to because he knew how hard it would be on our marriage.
Around that same time, I also found out he’d been lying to me for years about watching porn.
The porn itself wasn’t what broke me.
What broke me was realizing I’d spent years blaming myself.
While we were long distance, I constantly wondered why he stopped wanting to have FaceTime sex with me. I thought I wasn’t attractive enough anymore. I thought I wasn’t enough.
Whenever I’d ask him about it, he’d tell me things like, “You made me a better man. I don’t even watch porn anymore.”
That wasn’t true.
Finding out he’d been lying for years completely shattered my confidence.
For months after that, we’d argue constantly.
I’d catch him lying about the smallest, dumbest things that didn’t even matter. Every time I’d catch another lie, I’d spiral because I couldn’t understand why someone would lie when they didn’t even have to.
Instead of reassuring me, he’d usually get defensive, disrespectful, or somehow convince me I was the problem. Looking back, I think he was really good at manipulating arguments into becoming about my reactions instead of what caused them.
Our sex life also became another issue. We usually only had sex on weekends because of work schedules. I have a much higher sex drive than he does. He always made sure I finished first through oral, but I still felt unwanted because I wanted intimacy more often than we were having it.
About seven months after we moved in together, despite promising me he wouldn’t volunteer unless he had no choice, he volunteered for deployment to Japan the day before my birthday.
That honestly broke my heart because it felt like another promise being broken.
Before he left, I told him if he genuinely wanted this marriage to survive, he needed therapy.
Not because I thought he was evil, but because he lacked emotional intelligence, avoided accountability, and didn’t know how to communicate without becoming defensive or hurtful.
While he was deployed, he actually started therapy.
Meanwhile, I wasn’t handling deployment well either.
I was drinking too much, hanging around people I shouldn’t have been around, and I was lonely. Being married while barely talking because of the time difference was incredibly hard.
One of my coworkers wanted to hang out before leaving town. I knew he liked me, and if I’m being completely honest, I liked him too.
He came over to my apartment.
We played Mortal Kombat, took shots, hugged goodbye, and he left.
Nothing sexual happened.
I know inviting him over crossed a boundary, and I regret it.
Part of why I liked him was because he was emotionally intelligent and kind. He talked openly about mistakes he’d made in past relationships, including struggling with porn, and how much he’d changed. Hearing a man take accountability honestly changed how I viewed men.
Looking back, I know I was vulnerable and falling into the “grass is greener” mindset. I’m glad nothing happened because I would’ve regretted it.
On New Year’s, while he was still deployed, he called me after months of therapy and confessed that almost everything he’d ever told me about his past was a lie.
He admitted he didn’t have around 30 bodies.
He wasn’t actually a drug dealer.
He never made someone overd0s3.
He never helped someone commit su!č!d3.
He admitted he’d created this fake image because he thought it made him seem more interesting as far as drug dealing and had a dark guilty past he felt he couldn’t tell anyone about.
That confession hurt more than I can explain.
For years he’d watched me cry after sex because I felt like I could never compare to all the women I thought he’d been with. I’d beg him for aftercare because I felt unwanted and insecure.
Instead of telling me the truth, he let me keep believing the lie.
In reality, he’d only been with six women before me.
During that same conversation, he admitted something else.
There had been a female Marine I’d always been uncomfortable with because they spent late nights together.
He admitted that before I made him cut her off, they’d been drinking alone together in her barracks room.
That completely destroyed the little trust I’d started rebuilding.
After he came home from deployment, I told him about my coworker coming over because I didn’t want to keep it from him anymore.
He was understandably hurt.
He told me the only way he’d forgive me was if he got to go to a strip club.
I agreed because I wanted to save our marriage.
He drove over an hour away to a topless strip club.
Fast forward to now, and it feels like trust is almost completely gone.
Whenever we’d have really bad arguments over the last year, he’d tell me he could just drop me back off at my mom’s house if I wasn’t happy.
Eventually I got tired of hearing that.
I quit smoking weed.
I started taking the gym seriously.
I started focusing on becoming independent.
Now I’m leaving for Marine Corps boot camp in six weeks.
The confusing part is that therapy genuinely seems to have changed him.
He’s much more patient than he used to be.
He’s more willing to talk about his feelings.
He’s more receptive to mine instead of immediately becoming defensive.
He can actually sit there and cry with me now instead of shutting me down.
He’s become a better husband in a lot of ways.
I think one of the biggest reasons I’ve stayed all these years is because I’m an extremely understanding person. I know he has a lot of trauma from his parents and previous relationships. I wanted to be the person who stayed instead of giving up on him. I wanted him to know what it felt like to have someone who made him feel safe.
Now he’s sweeter than he’s been in years.
Part of me believes therapy genuinely changed him.
Another part of me wonders if he’s only changing because he’s scared I’m becoming independent enough to leave once I become a Marine.
I still love him.
He’s all I’ve ever known.
I’m scared that if I leave, all the years I’ve spent helping him become more honest, emotionally available, and accountable will end up benefiting another woman.
But I’m equally scared that if I stay, I’ll spend the rest of my life wondering whether I can ever fully trust him again.
I’m also scared that all these trust issues will follow me into another relationship anyway.
I know we’ve both hurt each other.
I’m not pretending I’m innocent.
But I also feel like years of lies, broken promises, manipulation, and dishonesty slowly changed both of us into people we never intended to become.
If this were your marriage, would you keep fighting for it, or would you accept that sometimes love isn’t enough?

TLDR: My husband and I have been together since we were 17 and are now 22. Early in our relationship, trust started breaking down because of his girl best friend, hidden texts/calls, and broken promises. Later, after a coworker kissed me without my consent and another guy lied to him about me, he stopped trusting me, made me take off my promise ring, and I later found out he’d been on dating apps during that same time. After we got engaged, married, and moved in together, I discovered he’d been lying for years about watching porn, which destroyed my self-esteem because I’d blamed myself for our declining sex life. He also lied about huge parts of his past (past sexual partners, being a drug dealer, causing an 0v3rd0s3, helping someone commit su!č!d3, etc.), and admitted after therapy that almost all of it was made up. While deployed, he also admitted he’d been drinking alone with a female Marine I’d always been uncomfortable with. During his deployment, I crossed a boundary by inviting a coworker I knew liked me over to hang out, but nothing physical happened, and I later told my husband. He “forgave” me by going to a strip club. Therapy has genuinely made him more patient, emotionally open, and accountable, but after years of lies, broken promises, and both of us hurting each other, I don’t know if our marriage is fixable or if we’re just holding onto each other because we’ve been together since we were kids.

I [26F] and my father [46M] have had a rocky relationship the past few years after he had an affair with his coworker Jane (fake name but let’s use it). I suspected for a while before he finally admitted it one day while we were arguing. Turns out he’d been seeing her for about 4 years prior to my mother and I finding out. They’ve been together probably about 6 now. He never apologized. Of course I was furious, had a few words (mostly mean) for both him and her. About 1 year of limited to no contact with my father, and therapy, moved back to our home state and decided it was time I try to make amends. I wanted a relationship with only dad at first to get back the trust I lost with him.. he’d make promises like he’d have lunch with me or he would still be present in my life but of course that never happened. He wouldn’t come around the whole family, saying things like “Jane doesn’t feel welcome” and “I can’t come without her.”

I found out i was pregnant. I begged my dad to come to my baby shower but he refused saying he wouldn’t come unless I apologized to her. Of course, because i wanted him to come so badly, i apologized to her - said I accept theyre together and I want them to be part of our lives, that I’m sorry for the way I acted but I’ve gone to therapy and would like us to move forward from everything so my baby can experience the wonderful Papa that I know my dad could be. He showed up for maybe 5 minutes at the END of the baby shower, no gift, no card, nothing - not that the gift matters but still. He just ate and left.

When I see Jane I make small talk, i’m polite, I try to make her feel included. I personally texted her an invite to be part of our Christmas secret Santa - she never responded.

My son turned 1 last week. My dad’s seen my baby 5 times since he was born, each time for about 5-10 minutes. I asked my dad to come to my son’s birthday, he didn’t and ended up coming camping with Jane.

I talked to my dad today and told him how heart broken I am that he didn’t come. He told me “it’s a hard situation, Jane doesn’t feel welcome.” We try to make her feel welcome, we try to include both of them but they don’t come! of course she doesn’t feel like part of the family, you never bring her around! She’s a stranger to us!

He told me I owe her another apology because my previous apology only occurred after he threatened to not come to my baby shower. I said I’ve apologized, i’ve invited, i’ve made conversation, I’ve extended multiple olive branches. But he insists I need to apologize again. what good will that do? What would I even apologize for? I said “i’ve already apologized, why doesn’t she apologize to me? I’ve tried SO MUCH, she hasn’t tried at all.” he said she did nothing wrong. LIKE SERIOUSLY?!

He told me everything is my fault. he told me my son won’t have a relationship because I refuse to apologize again. he told me his nieces and nephews won’t have a relationship with him again because of me. All of this is because of me.

I tried to tell him that my feelings of anger and hurt and distrust initially were valid, that they shattered the world I knew all my life, but i’ve healed and apologized. but talking to him is like a brick wall, he doesn’t understand what i’m saying. he doesn’t take responsibility. he doesn’t allow himself to realize that him continuing to not show up and blaming it on her doesn’t encourage me to apologize or welcome her more, it makes me resent both of them.

So do I owe her an apology? or do i just accept that My dad chooses her and always will.

TLDR

I [22F] and my boyfriend [22M] have been together since March (a little over 4 months). We met in college (he was a senior since graduated and I’m going into my senior year this upcoming semester) everything has been amazing and we are a perfect match for each other.
Towards the beginning of our relationship I noticed he had a lot of female friends which I don’t mind but at one point we were hanging out and one of his friends called we’ll call her Liv. Liv called my boyfriend a decent amount to drive her to classes and study sessions and the like. Which also wasn’t an issue but when I really questioned anything was when she was having a hard time he went to her dorm to help and then a few minutes later came back and told me they were going to go drive around. After that I asked a few times if they had ever been a thing if feelings had been involved etc. He said there never was and they were just friends. Less things happened and then the school year ended. No worries.
Fast forward and now insert a different girl we’ll call Ari into the mix. Ari is a girl he apparently met at the gym. I have never met Ari but my boyfriend is consistently talking to her. I thought it was just streaks at first until the first time I actually looked at his phone (not out of going through it but I’m nosey and we are both open like that). I looked through their snaps and noticed he’d been sending her very similar things he’d send me (cars or flowers of her favorite color talking a lot etc.) I talked to him and without mentioning Ari I said it made me feel less special and other things. He apologized and I thought it got better. She left my mind and I wasn’t worried.
The other day I had forgotten my phone when we went to the pool so I was scrolling on his TikTok. I found a video I liked and went to send it to myself but I seen Ari was above me on his recent sent list. I didn’t know he sent her videos. This got me looking. I looked through their snaps and TikTok’s and while nothing was “wrong” some things through me off.
1) they talk a lot. On many forms. He sent her his tattoo ideas and he also texts her on messages and now he’s talking to her through at least 3 apps if not more.
2) something that really bugged me we had gone to the gym and I helped a girl with a car issue. He texted Ari saying that he helped a girl with a car issue. No mention of me.
3) when digging into her account (one of my burner accounts) she posted on TikTok 2 videos around when me and my boyfriend got together one saying “just met a new gym baddie” another saying “gym friend just gave me chocolate chip banana muffins” which we had made around that time. To note this was before we were officially dating but when we had started talking.
4) he streak is only 5 days longer than mine making me think he met her similar ways he met me not through the gym.
All of this is driving me crazy and affecting my mood. I know he would never cheat and I trust him completely (plus we are constantly together) so I’m not suspicious of anything I just don’t feel comfortable with the attention and amount they are talking and how they are talking.
I don’t want to be the girlfriend who says he can’t be friends with someone but I also don’t feel great about how often they talk and how they interact. How do I tell him without seeming too insecure and without seeming too demanding. I’m also worried because of the amount of times I brought his other friendship and this one up earlier that he’ll start thinking less of me. (He’s been amazing every time I bring it up and gives me no reason to think he would think less of me but it’s still something I’m working on and wrapping my head around) please help.

TLDR: boyfriend talks to another girl often and I don’t know how to bring it up

For context, my boyfriend (30M) and I (27F) have been dating for around a year. We met through friends, so we’re long distance, with him living in Manchester and me living in Bath.

We typically aim to meet up once or twice a month, with us taking turns visiting the other- I can drive, he can’t due to medical conditions. The system works, but we’ve reached the point where we miss each other a lot and are hoping to plan the next steps of our life together.

Long story short, a relative of mine recently passed away and left me their house in their will, giving me full ownership and I also recently entered a well-paying full time job.

My boyfriend has worked his way through his field, earning a decent amount but is still using over half of his salary to rent his flat in Manchester, resulting in him not having much money to spend leisurely or travel with me. Money is tight.

I’ve told him if I can keep the house and live in it, he could save a lot of money and not have to worry as much anymore, but we’ve spent the last month of so at odds because he’s hesitant to uproot his life and leave where he is.

He loves Manchester, he has his work friends, he’s close to his older parents, everything is accessible and most of all he’s scared of moving without having a job- the problem is, he’s in a field where jobs don’t come up very often and if they do they’re a salary cut.

I’m hesitant to sell the house and stop my career for similar reasons, I’ve moved for a relationship before which didn’t work out and set me back to square one.

I said I’m not willing to move right now, but I’m more than happy to wait for him till when the time feels right, but I’m scared the prolonged distance, the stress of money and me almost ‘forcing’ him to move will end our otherwise happy relationship. I also wouldn’t want to stop him from progressing his life with someone who wants to live in Manchester.

How can I handle this situation in the best way possible? What do you guys think?

TLDR: my boyfriend and I can’t agree on who should move and uproot their life to live with the other one, how do you decide what’s best without forcing the other one?

Edit:
For context, we have been good friends for around 10 years and only recently started dating last year. I’ve also got friends and family that I would like to stay close to, as my dad had a health scare around 2 years ago.

My main question Is this even worth leaving or should I just stay for my own safety?

There is a lot to unpack, we have been together for a year now. important note; I was abused by my parents but still living with them at this time.
I met him at my job when he was my manager at a fast food restaurant, he ended up pushing my boss to promote me to manager after around a month of me working there, (I found this out about a month ago). He then got my number via the manager chat group I was in and ended up being the one to train me. When I first met him he was living with his three kids, the mother of said kids and her current partner, they were already separated but he just lived with them to stay by the kids-
(They consider me their stepdad now)

I also want to mention now that at this point his hygiene and living situation was horrific, I mean I threw up the first time I saw his house, when he would walk by me at work he has a stench that followed him. There was really bad animal abuse involved and I rescued the snakes from the house after we moved out. But there were 12 cats, 5 dogs and 2 snakes. The kids were just as bad, constantly covered in piss and shit and unwashed with dirty clothes for god knows how long, (every time I see them they are promptly washed and cleaned and fed) but their mom is a horrible abuser and constantly uses the kids as threats to us if we don't do things she likes.

Anyway we ended up texting over a few nights and honestly at this point in my life things were at an all time low for me, my home life was pretty rough and I just wanted an out anyway possible. He managed to convince me to come over a few nights and hang out, he initiated sex, and it went on from there, no real emotional connections besides that we play video games. I want to make it clear that he never assaulted or pushed for anything I wasn't ok with, and has been really supportive in that sense. After we were in that talking kinda phase, I met the kids and family, his oldest daughter is 2 years younger than me. I love these kids so much but I told him it didn't bother me early on and now I regret it because it does really urk me that he was even interested in me with his kid being so close in age. I think the reason I kept letting these red flags pile up was because I needed to get out of my house for my own safety, and I still am in that loop of being afraid that if I leave things will go back to the way they were.

Anyway I ended up kind of "fixing" him in a way, I got him to be more financially responsible mainly, it was his wife who was stealing from his paycheck and giving him 200 to spend for the two weeks, she chalked it up to child support but I saw right though it and made him out his foot down. She got us evicted from the house because of how pissed she was. I ended up taking out a loan to afford the place we're in currently, he would've rather sleep in our car but I begged him to reconsider. The shitty part is I'm in a really great apartment right now, I feel like I'm so well off I am not allowed to complain, but he didn't do any of it, I found the place, I signed the lease with him, I'm trapped now. The only thing he does is pay the bills, I get groceries and we are barely scraping by. A few weeks ago I ended up having to sell my childhood Pokemon collection to finish paying bills because he took a week off work just for a break.

I just feel sick living the way I am but I also feel sick for being upset about it, I know I should be grateful that I'm not being abused anymore, that I have a place to call my own, and that I have my life on track. But I feel disgusted in myself for letting someone be such a burden on my own mental health after I swore to myself to never be hurt or taken advantage of again, but I feel like he is using me to drag himself out of the hell he was living in. I still love him though, after everything, but the logical side of my brain is telling me to run, but I don't have anywhere to go, and I feel trapped just like I did when I lived with my parents. I think if I had the money to leave I would, but I don't have anywhere to go, no friends, nothing. I feel like I'm right back at rock bottom. But is it worth even trying to leave if I'm safe?

Anyway that's only all the negatives, I wish I could give the full story but I suppose we won't get his side on here. I will try and make edits to make it clearer if there are questions, and I'll be happy to respond to comments but this is all I can write right now, coming out about this is really difficult on me.

QUICK EDIT: the reason I'm posting this is because I feel stuck and cannot move out on my own, If I leave he will be homeless too and I am still on this lease until April next year.

TLDR: I feel like I got taken advantage of and I'm now stuck in a relationship that I feel uncomfortable in.

He’s a very sweet guy, but I feel like he needs help cleaning up his appearance, and I don’t know how to tell him or if I’m being a jerk just by thinking that. The biggest issue for me is that he is approaching 40 and still wears his pants sort of baggy and low, so that his underwear is showing, and his butt crack is exposed when he bends down. It wouldn’t matter to me if it was just at home, but this is his go-to for everything.

I normally don’t feel like styles/clothes should be limited to certain ages, but to me that look is embarrassing on a grown man and makes him look immature and sloppy. I just don’t know how to talk to him about it in a way that feels easy and not hyper-critical.

TLDR Idk how to talk to my bf about dressing more his age

My girlfriend and I have been together  for around 4 years. We share a few interests but still have a few separate interests.

Before we got together my gf had been to a few festivals and last year started talking about wanting to go to one. 

I mentioned that it’s not my thing but she said I should want to do it to make her happy and take an interest in her interests so I agreed to go. She said I’d have to pay my half since she won’t be paying for both of us.  This cost me over £500 in total for the ticket plus the weekend.

There’s a comic con coming up later this year and a lot of the celebrities attending are from a shows I love and from other movies etc. My gf doesn’t really have an interest in this but I mentioned to her that I wanted us to go. 

She said no and that it would be boring for her but I pointed out it’s something I’m interested in. She again said no but I pointed out her double standards saying that I went to the festival because it’s something she wanted. 

She said she’d go if I paid for everything but I again pointed out she expected me to pay for the festival so why is it one rule for her and another for me. 

I said it’s upsetting knowing she won’t bother to do something for me while expecting me to do things for her. 

She accused me of guilt tripping her and said she shouldn’t have to go with me. 

Does anyone have any advice on how best to approach this or have any other views on it?

tldr my girlfriend said I’m guilt tripping her by expressing I’m upset she won’t go to a comic con with me after I’ve been to a music festival for her.

Me [42F] Husband [41M] together 16 years, married 14 years. I feel that I'm not good enough for him, and especially after the death of our toddler further confirmed how I feel, in addition to that cannot even give him a healthy child.

Our child died in 2019 when he was just 1.5 years old, he had Periventricular Heterotopia, it a rare condition so most people never heard of it before, it called Periventricular Nodular Heterotopia (PVNH). It is gene inherited (got it from me the mother the maternal side), congenital brain malformation.

It been 7 years since our toddler gone and my husband just can't let go. Our toddler ashes is with my husband, he leaves our child room as is never change a thing, even our toddler DIRTY SHOES and dirty clothes my husband still held on to.

Because he is the only son, his mom told us to try surrogate, my husband snap back to his mother, he said unless that woman is me (his wife) that carry his child, he rather not have any. Told his mom to drop the subject, or else she no longer has him as a son.

A dead child can break a marriage, statistics say so too. But it only bond him to me more. He stays married to me despite knowing he will have no offspring. It just feel that he wasted 16 years of his life with me.

This is a very educated man with 2 Universities degrees, including an Master degree at Stanford. With 20 years of experience in his job field. At work hold the Executive position, Executive Vice President of Engineering, with a salary of $500,000 a year (not counting bonus). He can go find another woman easy.
BUT
He tied himself to the Infertility wife me and to a dead child, than go find his happiness with a better wife and a healthy child to carry on his genes.

He said I'm more than worth his love, I'm his everything. He said he never think of continue living without me, he said if I die before him, he will die with me and our toddler (whom already dead).

--------------

Perhaps it my depression voice talking, after our toddler death, there was a phase where I think if I leave him (as in divorce) hoping he will forget me, and go find another woman who can give him a healthy child. But before I can do any of that.

In 2020, I had a near death experience where I was bedridden for a month with oxygen tank in my nose 24/7. He took off work and care for me day and night. The bedridden me defecate on myself and my husband clean my defecation and care for me the whole month. He also sleep with a pillow and a blanket on the carpet right by my bedside (we had a hospital bed in our bedroom after I got discharged).

Right there I see how deeply hurt he would be if I leave him, I no longer can find myself to leave him anymore, despite I always think I'm not good enough for him, and further not good enough for him because it my genes that our toddler died.

I don't know if it because our toddler died in August 2019, and shorter after in 2020 I was so so sick that even after discharged from the hospital, it took me another month to recover. Many times he hugged me, and said he very afraid (as in he very afraid that I will die). I guess too much grief build up together for him, And that the first time I see him cut himself.

This was when he started to cut his stomach with a kitchen knife, he said stomach skin is thinner and has more nerves so it hurts more, and nobody see his stomach than if it was on his legs of arms, so he chose to cut his stomach, he cuts deep the point bleeding that he has bandage wrap around his waist bleed.
And that was how I first time found out about he cut himself too was I saw the bloody bandage wrap around his waist when he took his shirt off.

His emotions is just so INTENSE, and his grief is just so intense it like he crave the physical pain to mask his grief.

He still hasall the long scars on his stomach from he cut his stomach with the kitchen knife. He said if I die before him, he will die with me, and our toddler (whom you know already dead).

This man when I married him he has no scars on his body, after married to me now his stomach is full of scars, I blame myself that it me the maternal genetics cause the death of our toddler. I blame it on myself for being sick, hence he on the verge of lose me too, so he stared cutting himself.

I recovered a month later, thank you to him care for me day and night. He no longer cut himself anymore since I recovered. And I, also since never think of leave him anymore. Because with how intense he is, I think he will go insane when lose me.

Now I just want to live happy with him, we have come to term to accept our child death, we will carry this pain till the day we die.
He been through alot, alot. His father also died that same year as our toddler died, both died in 2019, his dad died of end stage pancreas cancer, I NEVER see my husband in so much pain.

Still trying to get him into grief therapy, but he busy with his career, and his mom right now is very sick (terminal illness), he said he go after his mom pass.

It just been so hard for me and him, alot of things happened , death of his older sister, death of his father, death of our toddler, his mom spinal cord stroke and terminal illness, death of both my parents. It just so HARD. But then when you with your husband 16 years long, expect those things to happen, it just we never prepare for it.

TLDR Me and my husband 16 years together been though alot alot together, I know it loves me so so much, it just I do not know how to stop the depression voice and my feelings that I am not good enough for him, and he deserve someone much much better than me.

My boyfriend and I met on hinge beginning April, things moved fast… admittedly. He lives with his mom and just finished his degree… he made it very clear he loves video games. He admitted he would play over 40 hours a week prior to meeting me (he also works full time and always has) he has lived on his own for some years but moved back with his mom to go back to school. We got along so well in the beginning (as most do, duh lol). I felt we established a connection in which I haven’t really felt before. I do have a toddler, so half the week I did not have my toddler (his dad’s time), I would be over at my partners moms house. She was pretty accepting and I really had no issues with his family.

A huge thing we had conversations about were the video games. I have been trying to at least implement the gym, eating better, and trying to encourage him to have hobbies outside of the game, it never worked. He admits he would never ever put the game over his family or me or important things (especially if he’s taking a stepfather role)

We would play games together, and he would play on the days I had my son, after about 3-ish months he met my son, then he had less time to play games on our off days because I wanted them to get to know one another by going out and doing some stuff together all of us (parks, restaurants, etc.)

I could tell he was missing gaming. When he and I would have our days— I like to go out (bars, restaurants, fun places) and it took him awhile to adjust to that because he never really went out like this before, he compromised a lot. But after awhile and our schedules started intertwining more— I could feel it, he started trying to implement gaming more, specifically during our time together, mind you I drive 45 minutes to spend time with him. He already had wednesdays after work he would play with his online friends, and Sunday mornings when I was sleeping and he’d take some time Friday nights.

I understand this is something he loves and I want to be fully accepting but I did have a lot of fear of him wanting to implement it more and more and I guess I feared how life would look after comfortability came and who I would have around as a model for my son, he felt not accepted and judged, I tried to reassure him. I will be completely honest, I am a student and he did start helping me with my bills, which I was immensely grateful for, and he did not owe me that.

But I guess after we had a big altercation this last Sunday he starting confessing all these things he held in that were never admitted to me, he felt overwhelmed with helping me financially (he never let that show, even when I’d ask over and over if he was sure it was okay, he confessed he was not happy with how often I was looking for intimacy, he confessed he felt judged my his video gaming A LOT (which I already knew that)

Sundays Altercation I had a really bad day Saturday, and was having some very unwanted thoughts iykwim.. and he comforted me and helped, the next morning he asked me to leave so he could have the day to relax (play video games), previously we had talked about implementing some days of our own even if I was free from my son— I am clingy but I am trying to be healthy so I was very open to it, “yes that would be good for us, I have studies I need to do that I’m behind on and I would like to get my stuff together, maybe next weekend we can take a day or Monday or Tuesday”… we agreed on that Saturday night, so when Sunday rolled around and he just asked me to straight up leave, my feelings were hurt. He was also very apathetic when expressing this. My feelings were hurt because of how I was feeling Saturday and I felt he was not concerned with my well being or safety. I relayed this to him, no budging. So I started packing, Not talking, just packing all my stuff. I broke down. We definitely had tension building, stuff he wouldn’t fully admit to me and I definitely didn’t create a super safe environment because I would take things personally, and that’s something I need to work on. It ended, I went home

Monday rolls around, we get in touch. I’m a mess, I miss my best friend. We talk for 3 hours and come up with a plan, I’m in a very very intense schooling program with one month left, and my focus does need to be on it and I know a lot of my stress is coming from it and is not helping the relationship.

The plan is that we will ‘start over in a sense’ not a break, but to slow things down. Take a couple of weeks to ourselves and then meet back up- just for a date, but during these weeks we are not cutting contact, just literally starting the ‘dating’ phase again. I’m feeling good about this, I really want to be happy in my own day to day so I don’t come off as codependent and he can have his personal time he craves so much.

But part of me wonders…. How far will the video games go… He admitted on the phone with me when we were talking about the plan “well I’m just gonna be on the game all week, so I’ll be here chilling, just relaxing.” That bothers me, why that all week.. It rubs me wrong. Of course there are things I really feel we truly get along with: communication (I thought, but that’s something he’s going to work on), humor, affection, moral standards. He also admitted this time will be good because he can decipher whether or not he’s ‘willing’ to give up that time for a family… ouch. I don’t wanna lose my friend, and I genuinely do love him but I’m wondering how he’ll keep up if he’s already handling this pressure so poorly. I am very detail oriented and I would say a bit judgy, but it is because I am very determined to find someone who can show up for my son.

Also I am having a hard time cutting that communication down so much, it sucks but I do think it’s needed to work on my codependency and enjoy my own things again.
A couple of other mentions: he is very clean, keeps a nice space, he is always reassuring, no matter what it is. He makes me feel genuinely beautiful, and he has accepted soooo many of my flaws that I’ve been working on. He has always showed up, always opened my door, always paid, drowns me in affection.

TLDR: my boyfriend and I have been together for 5 months, I feel he feels pressure to step up as a ‘man’ as he says, and I feel he’s not happy giving up video games to put in the time to do so. We are staring over and taking a ‘break’ but staying in contact. We both had things we need to work on, does this have the potential to work?

(xposted from r/relationships)

I could really use outside perspectives because I feel like I’ve completely lost my ability to judge what’s normal anymore. Apologies in advance for length…

I’m [32F], he’s [29M]. We’ve been together just over a year. I moved across the country to be with him (FL to TX) because I genuinely believed he was my person.

There is so much good in him. He’s loyal, funny, affectionate at times, hardworking, and I know he loves me. That’s what makes this so difficult. The problem is that our conflicts have become all-consuming.

Whenever I bring up something that’s bothering me, the conversation almost immediately becomes about how I’ve hurt him or how he feels criticized no matter how gently I present it. He frequently tells me I’m controlling, unfair, don’t “read the room,” or that I threaten the relationship. We have six-hour arguments every week that go in circles because he struggles to stay on one topic and every issue becomes connected to every other issue. If I make a point he can’t answer, he’ll often say he needs to step away. When I ask for how long, he’ll say he doesn’t know.

Recently we had a fight where he screamed inches from my face so intensely I could feel spit hitting my eyelids. He repeatedly slammed his head into the wall, hit the counters, walls, and floor, threw cups and other small stuff, and kept yelling that I was the abusive one. During the same night he said things like he wished he weren’t alive and wanted to take his motorcycle out while he was shaking with anger.

The next day he was ashamed, but he also said he only acts that way because I “trigger” him by saying things like “I don’t want to be in this relationship” during fights.

Outside of conflict, I feel like I’m carrying the relationship. I bring him coffee, make him breakfast, offer to rub his back even when mine hurts, clean the house, think ahead about what he needs, and try really hard to make him feel loved. I don’t feel that same level of consideration in return. If I get affection, it’s usually because I asked.

Sex has become another huge issue. I’ve repeatedly told him I’d like more intimacy and that I’d really like him to go down on me. At one point he told me it was because I was “too hairy,” so I got a Brazilian. Then later he admitted he just doesn’t really like doing it. He said our lack of a sex life is because I don’t initiate, but when I initiate he turns me down. He says we have communication issues (hard agree), so I say let’s get a couple’s therapist — but then he says he doesn’t want to go to couple’s therapy.

Yesterday we talked about ending things and I started gathering my stuff. As I was did, he stopped me, begged me to stay, said he didn’t want to lose me.

If I stay, I’m exhausted because everything is my responsibility to fix. If I leave, I feel guilty because I know he loves me and I love him. What hurts most is that I feel like I’m the only one doing the work of understanding the relationship. I’m constantly analyzing our patterns, suggesting ways to communicate better, proposing therapy, trying to repair things, and trying to understand his perspective. I’m tired, and I’m hurt, and I’m not looking for validation that he’s a monster. I just don’t know what to do anymore, I just know I can’t bear to be in this kind of relationship anymore.

Reddit: what should I do at this point? What advice is most helpful to me now?

TLDR: I love my partner but I’m exhausted. I feel like I’m the only one doing the work to repair our relationship while he deflects, blames me, and refuses things like couples therapy. Our fights have escalated to screaming, throwing things, and punching walls. He says he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me, but I can’t keep doing this

We’re both 21 and 23, together 10 months, no kids, no health issues, and we spend every single day together and practically live together. Sex only happens when she initiates. I’ve never once been able to, because when I’ve tried in the past she gets annoyed and says she feels pressured, so I’ve stopped asking entirely. It only happens when she feels like it, which used to be every 2 weeks and has now stretched to almost 3.

We also barely cuddle because she says she gets too overwhelmed and overstimulated by touch, and my love language is physical touch, so that part really gets to me. She has a vibrator she uses, but I’m not allowed a male toy because she thinks it’s weird and made me throw mine out. I can only use my hand, and we’ve both agreed no porn.

So basically sex is on her terms only, I can’t initiate without it being pressure, and affection is limited too. I love her and I’m not trying to pressure her into anything she doesn’t want. I just feel undesired and touch-starved and I don’t know if this is normal or if I’m overthinking it. Is 3 weeks a long time at this stage of a relationship, and is the wider dynamic something I should be worried about?

TLDR: 10-month relationship, both early 20s, sex only happens when she initiates (now every 3 weeks), can’t initiate myself without her feeling pressured, and we rarely cuddle because she gets overstimulated. I feel undesired and touch-starved. Is this normal?

Ive been with my boyfriend for two years now, and recently an old hookup of his ran into him and they briefly chatted and I found a few texts between them. For context they hooked up shortly before I got with him. The texts were very casual and he kept it short but it still hurt to see. He ended the conversation quickly but he knew it would hurt me because I told him before that I wasn’t comfortable with it. He left the messages and I saw them because I was snooping, which I know I shouldn’t do, but then I found this out anyway. Should I leave him? I wonder if I can see him the same. I feel as though my trust was broken.

TLDR: Boyfriend texted old hookup (despite me saying I wasn’t comfortable with this before) but kept it short. Am I too paranoid or should I leave?

Okaaaaay so. I’ve been in a number of relationships in my life, and I dont feel like I’m a good girlfriend.

I’ve never cheated and I’m rarely lazy. I do like to be a homebody, but when I go out I go hard. I’m an ambivert, a little mix of both. I tend to go for guys that are more inward. Quiet, shy, respectful, etc. (They approach me and I think that’s the bravest thing a man can do 😂)

Anywho, I feel like a bad girlfriend because I dont necessarily like sex. I mainly only initiate when I’ve had a couple drinks or I’m thirsting for some (hardly ever btw). I’ve researched many things before and the conclusion comes to me being asexual. But I disagree! I love masturbating and I love having sex, I’m just hardly EVER thinking about it or craving it. And it seems like every other younger couple is having sex like 5 times a day (hyperbole, but honestly not??) I’ve recently been taking Prozac and I’m unsure if that messes with my libido……but I truly dont think that’s it. When I was on a different medication I felt the same way. I personally think I’m horny a lot.

I feel like my boyfriend’s mothers. Because we laugh, hangout, do all the cute and fun stuff. But I do not want to have sex?!

I guess my questions and pondering are, do other people feel this way? Is my mild self-esteem getting in the way? Why dont I want to have sex with my boyfriends? Which brings up, am I dating the wrong gender? I’ve been bi-curious, and I’ve (drunkenly) made out with girls. I just feel like lesbian sex wouldn’t be as good as hetero sex, but I’ve honestly never tried! It could be better! I really dont think sexual orientation has anything to do with it, though.

Any opinion swould be great, considering I’ve probably thought it already…….

TLDR: Should I just be asexual on my own and not force someone who likes me to NOT have sex?

I’m talking to an avoidant partner and recently she came off as distant after I sent a message talking about their level of effort but I sent it as a way of reassurance to their effort. It was kind of like saying “yknow I thought maybe you weren’t trying but I see it now so trust me when I say this.” And then they left that on read and didn’t talk to me at all. Two days prior we were on FaceTime and all seemed well to me. But after I sent that message it’s been weird ever since. I tried reaching out the next night and was met with nothing.

Yesterday I reached out and she was incredibly cold. She was short with her messages and came off as dismissive and annoyed. We haven’t met yet as we are “medium distance” but prior to this we agreed on plans to meet. When I had asked her if she still wanted to see me, she told me “idk.” After that it’s been complete silence.

I need help on this. I also asked her if she needed space and she said “Yeah I guess so.” So that’s what I’ve been trying to do. For context I see her to be a fearful avoidant. She is very self aware of her tendencies and how she hurts me. She has expressed her fear of relationships but is adamant I mean a lot to her. If she didn’t want to hurt me she would’ve said I can’t do this. She reflected for a while and came back to me and said she wanted to continue. While this made me very happy I still wanted to know how she planned to do things differently, how would her effort be different? She couldn’t answer me and after 3 days of not getting back to me I pretty much bailed her out. We continued just as normal but I did not see it getting much better. This was over the span of two weeks and now we are here to the present. Am I reading this wrong or is it smart to just move on? I’m incredibly confused. Any insight would be appreciated.

TLDR: Avoidant partner is being cold and dismissive, unsure how to approach the situation. Partner is a fearful avoidant and has expressed a fear of being in a relationship.

I’m 26 and I’ve been with my girlfriend for almost 3 years. We currently live in Aspen, Colorado, and from the outside it probably looks like we have a dream life. We live in a beautiful place, I have a decent-paying job with housing provided, and we’ve built a life together here.
The problem is I’ve been seriously thinking about moving back home to Louisiana, and I don’t know if that means the end of our relationship.
My girlfriend and I have been having issues for a while. We do love each other, and this isn’t because she did something wrong or because I don’t care about her. We’ve just had some big disagreements about the future and what we want out of life. We’ve reached a point where we’re trying to be honest about whether we’re still heading in the same direction.
She has told me that she would move back to Louisiana with me, but the hard part is she can’t really give me a timeline. It could be two months from now, or it could be two years from now. She also doesn’t know if, when that time comes, she’ll actually be ready to leave her family behind. I completely understand that because leaving your family is a huge decision, but it also leaves me feeling uncertain about what I’m supposed to do.
Even if I told myself I could wait two months, there’s a part of me that worries that in one month I could be completely ready to go home and start that next chapter of my life. I don’t want to pressure her into leaving her family before she’s ready, but I also don’t want to put my life on hold indefinitely hoping that the timing eventually works out.
The other reason I’ve been thinking about going home is my mom. My dad passed away a few years ago, and my mom is the only parent I have left. Being away from family has made me realize how much I miss being close to them. I miss the people I grew up around, the food, the culture, and the Southern hospitality of Louisiana.
The hard part is that moving back wouldn’t just mean leaving my girlfriend. I’d also be leaving Aspen, which is one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever lived, and a job that has given me a lot of great experiences. My job pays decently and has allowed me to live here, but it doesn’t really have benefits or much room for advancement long-term. I feel like I need to start thinking about building a future, not just enjoying where I am right now.
I guess the thing I’m struggling with is how to know if I’m making the right decision. Am I walking away from something that could have worked if I just waited longer, or am I recognizing that we may want different things and different timelines?
Has anyone been through something similar where you had to choose between a relationship, a place you loved, and being closer to family?

TLDR: I’m 26, living in Aspen with my girlfriend of almost 3 years, but I’m considering moving back to Louisiana to be closer to my mom and family. My girlfriend says she would move with me eventually, but she can’t give me a timeline and isn’t sure she’ll be ready to leave her family when the time comes. I’m struggling with whether I’m giving up on something that could work or if I need to start the next chapter of my life.