My boyfriend and I have been together 8 months. He’s always said it takes him a long time to trust people, and I understand where some of that comes from.

Recently I brought up wanting to go to the Ne-Yo/Akon concert. Of course I’d want to go with him, but he said he doesn’t want Akon and Ne-Yo to be his first concert. My friends don’t listen to either artist, so I asked if I could just go by myself — I’ve gone to concerts alone before with no problem before I got into a relationship. He said I can’t drink if I go alone, because he doesn’t trust me when I’m drunk. My personality is empathetic and caring toward pretty much everyone, including strangers, and he thinks that if a guy hit on me I’d just assume they were “being nice” and wouldn’t pick up on it. I don’t think that’s true — when guys have approached me before, I’ve always said “I have a boyfriend,” even back when I was actually single, just because I didn’t want to be bothered.

Last month I went to his graduation party with his family and met all his cousins and friends. His cousins are heavy drinkers, so it was basically shot-o-clock every couple minutes. I’ll admit I got too drunk — more than I’ve ever drank before. Near the end of the party, one of his cousins, who was also super drunk, kept trying to talk to me and kept telling me to come over, so I did. He mostly just kept saying “take care of T” (T is my boyfriend) and gave me a long talk about me taking care of T. My boyfriend tried to step in and pull me away from the conversation, but I wasn’t listening to him at that point. I could tell his cousin was really drunk, so I kept asking if he wanted water instead.

What I didn’t hear — but what happened (there’s video proof) — was his cousin telling me to come over in a pretty disrespectful way, which is why my boyfriend kept trying to get me away from him; he already knew his cousin was just talking drunk. I genuinely didn’t catch that part, because I was standing at a distance at first.

When the party ended and he was driving me home, he was extremely upset that I hadn’t listened to him. He also kept saying he was trying to protect me. I get that I should have listened to him — but I was trying to hear his cousin out, and being drunk didn’t help. Ever since that night, he’s brought this incident up as if I was acting inappropriately with his cousin, which I absolutely was not. I was just trying to be sisterly, but he doesn’t see it that way, and he still brings it up.

I get why he was upset in the moment, but I’m stuck on whether it’s fair that he keeps bringing this specific incident up as proof he can’t trust me, when I genuinely wasn’t doing anything wrong other than not listening to him — I just didn’t hear the disrespectful part before he tried to pull me away. How do I get him to see the difference between “she didn’t listen in the moment” and “she can’t be trusted,” or am I missing something here?

TLDR At my boyfriend’s graduation party, I got too drunk and didn’t listen when he tried to pull me away from a conversation with his very drunk cousin (who I later found out was being disrespectful, though I didn’t hear that part). He’s brought it up multiple times since as proof he can’t trust me. I don’t think what I did was actually inappropriate, just that I didn’t listen in the moment. Trying to figure out how to address this with him without it turning into another fight.

My boyfriend [23M] and I [F21] have been dating for a year and a half, we’ve had our ups and downs as most couples do. I made many mistakes in the beginning which led to him not trusting me (no cheating involved whatsoever). I did take accountability for my wrongdoing and vowed to fix it and gain his trust back.

I feel like I’ve done everything I can to gain his trust, including cutting people off, focusing on myself and our relationship, and much more that he requested I do. I’ll give him a lot of credit for allowing me to earn his trust back and for forgiving me.

The problem came in recently. After a year of working on everything, I finally felt like we got to a place where we were equals and not one having moral superiority. He is allowed to do almost anything he wants to do (I’m not a very controlling person) But I must listen to everything he says, if I fail to do so I’m told a multitude of hurtful things including that I’m “different” now or that I don’t truly love him or that this isn’t what he wants in a relationship. I’m getting worried because I’ve started being irrationally scared of his reaction to me doing very normal things like going out with friends past a certain time, going to a dinner that includes more than one guy, etc.

He doesn’t mean the things he says, he says them to gain control over me because he knows the type of person I am. Is there anyway we can work through this? This is my first long term relationship, is this normal and should I just put up with it and hope things change? Before anyone asks if I’ve brought this up to him, I have, he says we’re just different people and that’s why things seem unbalanced.

I know a lot of people are going to tell me to leave but I am so in love with him and if he wasn’t as controlling he’s the perfect guy.

TLDR: I feel like our relationship is unfair, he disagrees and feels like this is how it has to be.

English is not my first language so sorry if I mess things up, I’m using a translator for some words I don’t know.
Also reupload since I messed up some things lmao.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years, and overall our relationship has been really good. The only issue we’ve consistently had is one of his female friends.

During the first couple of years of our relationship, she crossed a lot of boundaries. She flirted with him in front of me, got really physically affectionate with him, lied about me to make me look bad, and sometimes made it seem like I was making things up, he never really made any effort to kept her in line because in his words “we’re like brothers, she doesn’t like me”.

She also has a history of getting involved in her friends’ relationships. For example, she kissed one of their mutual friends in front of my bf even though he had a girlfriend. Because of everything that happened, my boyfriend decided to stop being friends with her, but he told her he hoped they could be friends again someday.

The problem is that even after telling me they weren’t friends anymore, I found out on my own several times that they were still in contact. For example, he called her when we were having relationship problems, texted her when she was posting things online that made it seem like she wanted to hurt herself, and they congratulated each others on special occasions, keep in mind, she never really apologized for what she did and he never really told me about any of this,I always found out by myself, and that seriously damaged my trust in him, eventually we worked things out and our relationship couldn’t have been better in the last year.

A few days ago, she asked to meet up with him to talk. Before they met, he told me that she would need a really good reason for everything she did if he was ever going to be friends with her again. After they met (with some mutual friends around), he called me and told me they were friends again because she apologized and admitted she had been wrong. When I asked what had actually changed about her, he couldn’t really answer beyond “she said she was sorry.” And “I saw her really different” After that, they all went to the mall together.

I completely freaked out because I felt like we were about to go through the same thing all over again. I said things I regret, like telling him to choose between me and her and accusing him of putting her before our relationship. Looking back, I know I shouldn’t have said that. I was acting out of fear and anger, not because I actually wanted to control who he can be friends with but because I was afraid of passing through the same things again.

He told me I can’t decide who he’s friends with and that he never stopped me from being friends with who I want, and he’s right about that. But when I started to cry, he said that i was trying to manipulate him into changing his mind and that I didn’t had any reason to cry.

He says she’s just going to be a distant friend now, that she’s moving to another country for six years, and that if she will never do the same things again.

At the end of the argument, he told me he still loves me, kissed me, and said he was going home to get some air because we were both too emotional. Since then, though, he hasn’t replied to my call or contacted me for almost two days, which has made me even more anxious about the whole situation.

I know I handled the argument badly, and I genuinely regret some of the things I said. But at the same time, I don’t feel like my fear came out of nowhere. It came from everything that happened in the past and from the fact that when she was his then best friend we fought every day and I ended up feeling like shit.

I would really appreciate any advice on how to manage things inside my relationship. Besides his friend he’s really the best relationship I’ve been in so far and we really were planning and working for a future together.

TLDR: My boyfriend cut off a female friend who repeatedly crossed boundaries (flirted with him in front of me, lied about me, and caused problems in our relationship), but they stayed in occasional contact without me knowing. Recently she apologized, and he immediately decided to be friends with her again even though he couldn’t really explain what had changed besides “she said sorry.” I panicked because I was scared we’d go through the same problems again and said things I regret, including telling him to choose between me and her. He said I was trying to control his friendships and that my crying felt manipulative. He says she’ll only be a distant friend now and won’t tolerate her crossing boundaries again. He told me he loves me before leaving to cool off, but he hasn’t contacted me for almost two days. Any advice?

I[20NB] have known my friend J[21F] since elementary. We live in the same town and have our whole lives. Over a year ago she got into a relationship with S[25M]. Throughout it S has been not only emotionally abusive (guilttripping, lovebombing, DARVO) but also incredibly invasive with J's boundaries. He has gone thru her phone multiple times without consent, stalked her previous hookups/lovers, and destroyed/thrown out her things. They have broken off and gotten back together multiple times. Last time was for a month or two, I spent the entire time trying to get her to block him and keep him blocked. She ended up deleting most of her social medias in that time in order to be more present ig? Her mom made a big fuss about that.
S and J got back into a friendship, then fwbs, and then an unofficial couple. Which means, back together just without the labels and without telling anyone but me. I've been urging J to get therapy throughout the entire break, and even into the reunion. I see S as a very mentally&emotionally dangerous person for her to be around, and have been really worried for her. I've tried not to press her too much on it unless she comes to me in worry that it might upset her. I care so much about her, and I'm extremely worried. I found that J had blocked me today on the only social she still had. I texted her normally over messages this evening trying to make sure she was okay. Last time she cut me off was because she was trying to isolate after her original break off.
Her boyfriend has tried to push that I'm a shitty person onto her for not being in a heteronormative relationship model (not for being bi, but for remaining friends with those ive dated in the past, being polyamorous, etc). AKA having good boundaries with the people I surround myself with and making peace with those I've loved.
I don't know what to do. She hasn't responded to my message, I'm extremely worried her boyfriend is trying to cut her off from everyone who cares about her. I'm hoping J will still be in contact with mom as they were scheduling a get together for food sometime soon. I'm afraid J is in danger and I don't know what to do. I've tried my best to convince her to cut contact and I'm lost and I don't want to lose her, or even worse to happen.

TLDR; my friend[21F] has been on and off in an abusive relationship. Today she blocked me, I'm extremely worried for her and I'm unsure what to do.

Please give me advice or something. I'm worried sick and I don't know what I can do to help her.

TLDR: I feel pain and emotional emptiness after putting so much into previous relationships

So, I'm 20, a guy. Back when I was 18, I met this girl, 20F. We were together for about six months, but it just didn't work out. The reason she broke my heart was because her brother was trying to set her up with his friend, who was apparently some big shot manager with a lot of social status. She really put me down with that whole idea, like she was seriously thinking about it. So, I just told her straight up that if she was looking for a better life, that guy was probably a better option than me. I told her that if she truly loved me, she would have picked me. I really cared for her, and I made sure she knew that. After that, she left, and I was left with this massive hole in my heart and a ton of pain, but I tried my best to get through it.

After a while, I dated another girl, 19F, for a super short time. But in just a month, she started ignoring me, and honestly, I got sick of all these relationship dramas. So, I decided to focus on myself and ended up doing some pretty amazing stuff for my age. But sometimes, when I'm all alone, I feel this deep emptiness inside. It feels like nobody truly cares about what I'm doing, and there's no one to share my successes with, though that feeling wasn't too strong at first.

Then, five months ago, I was gaming online with this guy, 20M, who lives in a totally different country. Over time, we really started to like each other. Now, for me, being in a gay relationship is a huge no-no in my country and with my family, and it would be really tough. But I told him I didn't care about those rules. I'm the kind of person who loves with all my heart and doesn't care about the cost, and I was determined to make this difficult situation work. I also found out he wasn't even gay.

We were together for about three months. I really loved him, and he brought so much joy into my life, making me appreciate all the things I'd accomplished. I'd eagerly wait for his messages every day. I poured everything into that relationship, always trying to be there for him, showering him with gifts, and giving him all my support. During that time, I tried to tell him about all the important things that might make our connection tricky. I wanted to be open from the start so I wouldn't get too attached only for things to fall apart later. But after three months, he told me he wasn't used to a gay relationship and really wanted to talk about our situation, wanting us to decide together whether to keep going or end it. But I never wanted to pressure him, so I encouraged him to do what he wanted. I agreed to his wishes, telling him that his happiness was my happiness. My feelings for him were real, so I genuinely wanted him to choose whatever made him happy. He decided to end the relationship but suggested we stay friends, and I still send him messages sometimes.

Now, though, I'm feeling way more pain than before. This emptiness is super intense

I [23F] am constantly worried if my boyfriend [23M] is the one for me

I have OCD and relationship ocd so I constantly feel anxiety about whether our relationship is “right” or not. Does your partner always laugh at what you say, always understand everything you mean, always give you a look when you know what they’re thinking? Especially as we are getting to the age of marriage/engagement I start to worry. I love him and he is 95% perfect for me and everything. Is this how a normal relationship is? Do other people get married knowing their spouse isn’t 100% perfect for them? Does he always have to be perfect in order for me to be with him for ever? I know this sounds dumb but it makes it hard for me to fully enjoy. I find myself picking him apart and feeling miserable because I am nervous.
Context: we have been together 3+ years and will move in together in the next 2 years (not rushing at all). We have had 3 big fights our whole relationship. We see each other often and are very sweet to each other, love each other immensely.
TLDR: I’m wondering if you can marry somebody who isn’t a clone of you or 100% perfect for you in every single way. How do you know if somebody is “the one”?

My girlfriend was flying home from holiday but her luggage was overweight and had to pay extra fees at check-in. She was stressed, people queuing behind her, unexpected costs. The business class rate wasn't much more than the fee, so she called me and asked me to find out what an upgrade to business would cost (she thought it might be cheaper than the desk).

I tried. The booking couldn't be managed online because the flight was too close to departure. So then I looked up that exact flight and sent her the current economy vs business prices so she at least had the difference to work with.

That wasn't what she wanted. She wanted the exact upgrade price, which I had no way to access. I found out later that what she wanted was for me to try and find as many different avenues to a solution, e.g calling the airline, asking people etc.

When I wasn't able to find a solution, she was furious, shouted down the phone, and called me useless. When I told her the two things I'd searched, she said "leave it." I was angry at being spoken to like that, but I didn't show it. In the end, she didn't even have to pay the fee. I completely understand that she was stressed, frustrated and her partner wasn't able to provide for her, so I didn't make a big deal at that point.

After she landed, she kept going over how I should have found the upgrade price. I explained what I'd tried. She said I "never have solutions" when she asks for help. I told her I'll always try my best, she can always ask me for help, but trying doesn't guarantee I'll have a solution every time. I also told her that shouting at me and calling me useless was out of order.

She hasn't apologised. Her response was "that's how I felt in that moment" and "were you useful? no, what else was I supposed to say?" When I said I wasn't happy and wouldn't accept that her behaviour was okay, she said she was "done with this". We've now swept it under the carpet yet again, but I do feel really frustrated and resentment building.

How do I bring this up to her without it going into an argument?

TLDR - GF faced an overweight bag fee at check-in and asked me to find the business upgrade price mid-queue. The exact price wasn't accessible remotely, so I sent her the closest thing, economy vs business fares for that flight. She screamed at me and called me useless. She ended up not paying the fee at all. She refuses to apologise ("were you useful? no").

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a year, and something we have consistently had issues with was how much quality time we need. I personally need more alone time, which means less quality time with him. However, he needs a lot more. We’ve tried this summer to see each other ~2 times a week (we live 40 mins away and he has no car), but for me that can still be a lot of time to give up and for him it’s not enough to feel close. It’s resulted in lots of tears and we both feel terrible. How do we find a way around this??? We both love each other a lot and would both change for the other if we could.

TLDR: He wants to spend more time together than I do and we want to find away around our needs.

any advice is appreciated!!!!!!

Hello, I’m sure this situation is a bit unusual, so we have come to Reddit to ask for help. Both me, the son (28M) and my girlfriend, AP (27F) are writing this, but we will write from my (28M) perspective for clarity. We have been together for 5 years. (photos linked at bottom of post)

Back in November of 2025, my parents and I got into a huge fight over having my girlfriend’s sister and their kids stop by for Thanksgiving, hosted at my parents house. On a phone call, it came out that both of my parents did not like my girlfriend, AP, and had a problem with her family stopping by for an hour. My Mom had always been more supportive of her, but only met her family once during the 4th year of our relationship. My dad has never met her family. It has been important to me to have our families merge over time. Now, my parents don’t approve of AP at all, and actively dislike her.

My parents and I had multiple phone calls and much back and forth. I asked why they weren’t more welcoming, especially on Thanksgiving, a day for giving thanks and family to gather. Part of their reasoning was that they felt inconvenienced because they didn’t know if they should make more food and didn’t want to be awkwardly interrupted while they were eating. Eventually, they agreed to letting her sister come, but I told them that we were no longer coming over because I felt offended and not welcome. 

It was my decision, but my parents like to believe that my partner pressured me into it. Anyway, this all led up to my mom texting my girlfriend some really hurtful messages. Including a message saying, “I thought of you as a future daughter – not as someone who would separate me from my son.” The fallout led to such a rift between me and my parents that our relationship was extremely damaged. I’ve always had some issues with my parents but with this fight, everything came to a head. Now, I’m trying to work through all of this in therapy with my mom, to try to rebuild our relationship, as I have love and care for her and my dad. In therapy, we went over this situation and she read the messages from her phone. 

I didn’t recognize the initial message she said was from AP. I saw all the messages from AP’s phone during the time. I asked my mom to send me a screenshot of her messages with AP. When she sent them, I was confused because my girlfriend’s phone didn’t have that initial message, and looking more closely, the text didn’t look right. I believe that my mom fabricated the initial message that she claims was sent by AP. I’m not sure why she would’ve done that, maybe to try to put a wedge between me and my partner? 

Either way, I’m asking for help in identifying that this message is fake. My mom is experienced with Photoshop and very good at it. For context, I put screenshots of the conversation with me and mom. Her replies already looked really suspicious and she kept unsending the screenshots. I put the original screenshots from my mom’s phone with AP. I then put two detailed breakdowns of why I think this message is fake. The first one also shows a “sample message” that I had her send me of another conversation from android to iPhone for comparison. She told me that her phone was glitching and she needed to send the screenshot to her email and then to my phone which is why it might “look weird.” She then deleted her messages with my girlfriend because she “didn’t want to look at them anymore.” I think she edited her message about Thanksgiving, colored it grey, and tried to pass it off as a message sent by AP. I’ve had three sessions in therapy talking about these messages, and my mom continues to claim that this message is not edited. Do you think this message is fake? Why or why not? Thank you for your help in advance!

Photos of screenshots: https://imgur.com/a/jT5rOEQ 

TLDR; I think my mom faked a text message from my girlfriend, AP. What do you think of these messages?