If you told me back in 2023 that Iād end up with a gambling addiction and over $6,000 in debt, I wouldāve laughed at you.
I hated gambling. I never gambled in real life because I knew how destructive it could be. We were taught growing up that too much of anything is bad, and Iāve seen enough stories about gambling ruining peopleās lives.
Ironically, gambling humbled me.
Back in 2023, my sister was offered an opportunity to become an agent for an online casino. I was actually against it because I was scared it would ruin our lives. Somehow, I ended up creating an account and depositing around 500php (9usd) I was nervous the entire time because I knew addiction was a possibility.
That $9 became around 1.5kphp ($25). Back then, that amount meant a lot to me. I kept playing until I lost it all. I only played for about a week, lost around $45 in total, and immediately stopped because I was scared of where it could lead. I uninstalled the app and didnāt touch it again.
Last year, I tried again and lost around $50-$90 before stopping once more.
Then January came.
I wanted to upgrade my phone after using my old one for five years. So, I thought, āMaybe this time Iāll win.ā
That was the beginning of my addiction.
I made a dummy account to join gambling groups online and thatās when everything got worse. I started winning. I was using my cc to place bets, taking loans from different lending apps, I was winning, and I was able to pay my debts. I felt like I had figured out the system.
Debt -> Win -> Pay debt -> Repeat.
In March, I hit what felt like the jackpot. I won around 105,000php ($1,700) without spending any of my own money. I bought my dream iPhone, a laptop, new shoes, and treated my family to nice meals.
I was so excited that I couldnāt sleep for almost two days before telling my family where the money came from. They were happy for me, but they were worried too. They kept telling me to stop while I was ahead.
I told them I had already uninstalled the apps and that I was done gambling. I even joked that I had āmilked the casinos and got my losses back.ā
I really believed that.
I thought my story would end there.
It didnāt.
The truth is, I fell in love with instant money. I loved being able to buy things for the people I love. I loved treating them to nice restaurants. I became greedy and lost all sense of contentment.
I started borrowing money again. Credit cards. Loans. Lending apps.
The scary part was that I kept winning enough to pay them back, which made me believe I was in control.
Until I wasnāt.
There were nights when I barely slept because of my debts. I lost weight, felt dizzy at work, and my mental health slowly got worse. At some point, I wasnāt gambling to win anymore, I was gambling just to survive and chase my losses.
Last month, my debts reached over 400,000 ($6,000.)
June 12 was the day I completely broke down.
For the first time in my life, I admitted everything to my family and my partner. Seeing my mom cry because of what happened to me hurt more than losing any amount of money ever could.
I deleted everything and promised to stop.
I stayed sober for three weeks.
Then I relapsed in July because I convinced myself that one big win could fix everything. It didnāt. I borrowed money again and made things even worse.
Five days ago, I relapsed one last time. It wasnāt a huge amount this time, but losing it made me realize something.
I have a gambling addiction.
This isnāt about money anymore. Itās about my mindset. Itās about believing that the next bet will save me when itās actually destroying me.
Iāve also realized that Iāve become too comfortable knowing that people would help me whenever I messed up. Thatās unfair to the people who love me.
Before I completely lose my familyās and my partnerās trust, Iāve decided to stop for good.
Finding this community has helped me more than I can explain. Reading everyoneās stories makes me feel less alone and reminds me that recovery is possible.
If youāre struggling like I am, please donāt do this alone. Be accountable. Admit that something is wrong and ask for help.
Weāre not bad people. Weāre sick people trying to get better.
One day at a time. Weāll get through this.