Death is usually perceived as something that occurs only once in a person's lifetime. But I die everyday grieving what I could've become, killing myself over the self betrayal that I brought upon myself.

I feel numb, empty and dark. Replaying my past and comparing the difference between what I did and what I should've done.

As I sit in this mayhem of thoughts my nostril becomes narrower, my breath starts to shrink, my body heats up, my pupils widen and my heart sinks into the abyss.

Creating hope not out of thin air, but out of air which is polluted with anxiety, fear, anger and betrayal. I loathe myself to the extent that my guts squeeze.

In this chaos I forget to breathe and I hasten to grab my inhaler, breathing and coming back to life only to kill myself again.

What is the point of life if the only thing a person is expected to do is “to fit in” ?

You’re supposed to be born preferably white and heterosexual, in a “normal” place and family. You’re supposed to be a good daughter or son, a good student, a good friend, a good partner. You’re supposed to find a good job. And if you fall short somewhere, that becomes a problem you’re expected to fix.
You’re supposed to have certain qualities and characteristics in order to be considered acceptable — and for what ?
I just really don’t like the concept of life and society.
It seems to me that the meaning of life is built on evaluating each other. Every day they evaluating who you are and what you do and how you look like some kind of game.
And my problem isn't even that I'm afraid of evaluation, it's how much people's lives revolve around it. Sometimes it's hard and uninteresting for me to communicate with others because of it.

What are some genuinely good books or pieces of literature about Nihilism? Authors and history, and ones for people trying to figure things out

I'm hoping for a private conversation, I'm hoping this won't be taken down as inappropriate

One day you wake and that bright spark

The one that lit up the dark

As you slept with breaths and sighs so sweet

Flitted away, where is little bo peep?

Shes come with me for no more she sees

Six sheep or more and now she weeps

The tears soak and grow the earth

The one, at which, you rejoice with birth

I see you claw and scramble for what once was

Pathetic it is, all because

Your mind learns and learns some more

Until it reaches indifference for whats in store

But I think care. I want to at least.

Ah you think there is winning against the beast?

It is made of the powers that churn the sea

Rocks and dust are no match for me

What about this? What if i tried that?

How sweet you are, so sweet and so fat

Plump with courage, aimless and torn

Whats that? Oh right thats what it means to be born

Open your eyes, mouth agape for your mother

The one who never truly knows the other

Just like you and all who came

The ones you oh so love to blame

Wretched game. This isnt fun.

What made you think thats why it begun?

Well because theres beauty and I can make things you see

Oh yes, all to exault the mighty

Im tired now.

So rest dear one. Rest until the final dawn if the sun.

I want to. I plead to. Theres nothing left to be done.

Exactly why it all begun.

I was thinking about my viewpoint on life, and this is what I think could describe it best.
Does this make sense? Am I understanding nihilism correctly?
Is there a simpler expression of this or is this contradictory?

!

Every day we wake up and drive our own "auto-rickshaw" called life—from morning to evening, year after year, for 70–80 years. We work, worry, earn, and struggle, knowing that one day both the driver and the auto will become dust.

It reminds me of Sisyphus, endlessly pushing a rock uphill, only for it to roll back down. Even if the rock eventually reaches its final resting place, the total progress of Sisyphus becomes zero because time erases everything.

So I keep wondering:

If the destination is always dust, why are we all still driving the auto-rickshaw?

I'm curious how others think about this. Is there a meaning I'm missing, or do we create our own meaning despite the inevitable end?

Today, as i stepped into the shower, i thought to myself

What exists despite the silence of my inner voice?

You cant stop the thousands of thoughts from racing inside your head, but what about 5 seconds of silence?

I didnt speak much inside my own head, i didnt give a name to the water that was running. I stared at the motion, perceived it, felt what i felt, and then looked at the light shining from the sun inside the bathroom. The light hitting my skin felt more real than ever, but it wasn't any more real than the uncertainty i always perceived in my own head.

I stared, and in the absence of my inner voice, there was no purpose, there was nothing that defined my existence on the mirror.

The numbness i had felt through the day, my racing mind that never stopped thinking, my endless search for answers, the anxiety, pressure, discomfort, the judgement i gave to my own self, to objects and to others.

There was nothing that defined me.

Undefined. Why did something undefined ease my uncertainty, if the uncertain didnt give answers?

No purpose that defined me . Why did those two words stopped becoming hollow? Purpose, grand purpose, divine purpose, whatever you want to name it, i didnt feel tied to anything.

.

Maybe tomorrow will change, but this is what i felt today.

I am not alone, but what else can I do? Everything I obsess over is out of my control, yet it dictates how I live my life. I am not even 100% convinced of atheistic materialism, but I might as well just suck it up and hop on that boat right now.

The world is dangerous today than it was 5 years ago, 10 years ago and even 30 years ago. The world is currently entering WW3 and not one person cares. We all thought covid was terrible with toilet paper, now imagine that amplified by 500 times, with oil shortages and people killing each other over junk food at Costco.

What's tragic is that it's all by design. China will surpass the United States in every category within the next decade. I am not saying this as someone who cares about America being number one, but expressing that we're entering a multipolar world, the global economy will be fractured, meaning life will fundamentally get more expensive. Why have children? We're already having a birth rate decline, the era of AI and automation will make the situation even worse.

Where else can we turn to? Humans stopped talking about the meaning of life, we're too distracted to even entertain the idea in our brains. Nostalgia has become my drug, I just imagine a time when life was simpler, and I shouldn't need to fall back on my childhood to calm down.

Kinds forgot how much I enjoy art and have been drawing pretty consistently for 7 years now but senior year of high school was so fucking hard I was just depressed, working or doing house chores since all that matters are the visual appearance of everything of course.

Masturbating and smoking weed is awesome too but there's always guilt with shit that's like seen as shameful

My fucking laptop is broken and I can't play any games I hatr being s phone screenager😭😭

What are some things u guys typically enjoy. Top 3 ?

Human beings are disgusting creatures. Every single one of them is just a sperm; you hug them, kiss them, shake their hands, and share your food with them. You fall in love with a man's sperm, but if you somehow came into contact with pure, raw sperm, you'd feel fucking nauseous. You only love it because it changed its form. Plus, there's no such thing as mom and dad. Just two foreign sperms that forced you into this world and force you to call them mom and dad. Family is actually just a norm that exists to define a group of people, and names are just norms used to separate people from one another. There is no such thing as society, there never was

We call diseases "fatal" because they end life. But if life always ends in death, isn't life itself the most fatal condition of all?

Nice brutality we got here.

Force this unnaturally after that.

What will you do? For a dollar bill. Backstab your neighbor for the greed of profits and you're "business savy"

Also simultaneously a scumbag but in the brutal money world that is passed as more than okay! Congratulations! You screwed over your neighbor who you then greet with a smile . Who is the psychopath again?

this world is a creative act. it is a story. what a gifted blessing to watch the story unfold on its own. okay but also to participate and its hard to participate and watch idk where do i exit?

maybe it’s because of my lack of responsibility staying in bed just feels good even with the downsides can’t focus on anxiety because my head hurts and no more worrying about my plans

I’ve seen some videos on YouTube about it. In one of the videos, there was a doctor that claimed NDE’s are real because one of his patients that was thought dead and claimed to have an NDE described every movement in the room perfectly and that it was impossible for him to know what happened inside the room unless NDE’s are something ore than brain hallucinations. His statements made me curious wondering if they’re real and why are there so many different versions of NDE’s? Did anyone here experience it or happen to know someone that did? What are you guys opinions?

I’m tired of the pointlessness of it all I have all these goals but whenever I’m close enough I fall down the mountain again its so tiring to exist

If the universe is meaningless, why do shared cultural meanings have such profound real-world consequences?

For example, having a child together doesn't automatically grant the legal status and privileges that marriage does, even though the biological bond already exists. This can be devestating.

At least being born out of wedlock isn't quite as bad today as it was some generations ago.

Nihilism is defined as a philosophical branch which rejects the existence of any objectively meaningful purpose, moral value, truth, or knowledge. It is then, a cause for one to forfeit entirely to meaninglessness and stop all action whatsoever. In this case, the true nihilist is a catatonic patient; one who refuses to interact with the world, in a state of passivity. A philosopher or a writer cannot be a true nihilist. They are writing and thus contributing to the creation of meaning and human classification of what exists. Action itself affirms meaning. Here I argue that action does imply meaning, that we possess instincts and the means to act but choosing to do so is something that affirms the body's purpose or meaning. We eat to avoid hunger. Sleep to avoid fatigue. We are consciously acting to prevent or sate things. Therefore these are goals, and if goals lacked meaning, they would go unfulfilled. Or is this just a specific branch of nihilism that I am mentioning here?

Intelligence makes you understand and realize more of what's going on around you. You either recognize and think about things in your day to day life and you either ignore the questions of "what ifs" and the constant realization of mortality, or you go and numb and want to go braindead,whether that be drugs or alcohol. The reason that people get an addiction to drugs is cause it feels good and if you've felt pain and anguish from the curse of intelligence then the blank and empty from drugs and alcohol feels better than if you werent intelligent.Drugs feel better because of the lower base line happiness.So that influx of happiness from the drugs feels better, and you crave the drugs for the calm. Do you think that my thoughts process makes sence?

What are the best personifications of nihilism in movies / tv shows / anime / books . The obvious one would be Johan but I think there are many other like Vicious from cowboy bebop or Judge Holden