I was considering this the other day. I'm listening to THE TERROR on audio and in it, everybody aboard the ships has a purpose, function, ways they work cooperatively that promote survival of the individuals 'and' the group, and so on. It's by no means a hive mind in the traditional sense but did get me wondering like where are 'my' people? the ones who all ready get the value of things, don't need explanations about character and so on.

I always thought I'd grow into my place in the world but find myself more often being acknowledged only when I'm willing to be a side character in a story that actually belongs to--and is governed by--some one else. SOme one who 'is' part of the world.

So again, and though this has doubtless popped up here a lot, where is our tribe?

ALso, now that I think about it, is anybody here in the military? It's a bit of a group where one might find equality but also the bit of anonymity. If you're in it, or have been, how did the non-work side of the thing work out?

Any tv shows you think particularly appeal to INFJs?

One of my faves is The OA - very mystical, other-worldy INFJ vibes.

I'm a network engineer at a major ISP, and although the pay is great, after two years, I've realized tech just doesn't fulfill me. I was aiming for cybersecurity, but lately, I've been thinking about moving into something creative like fashion, jewelry, or industrial design.

I feel much more drawn to creating things that evoke emotion and beauty than maintaining networks.

Has anyone here made a similar switch? Was it worth it?

Why do they resonate with you? Are they tied to important life lessons?

I've been struggling with losing my sense of self along the years and haven't been well for a few years, I was wondering if anyone else is dealing with this or has a solution.

I have some friends who don't (or don't want to) understand it when I tell them that I need some time alone.

For example, we were together all day with my friend and after that we were traveling back home by bus and I told him that I was tired and I just wanted to be with my own thoughts and didn't want to talk. (We were literally together all day talking and cycling so I was a bit exhausted). He seemed really confused and told me that he wanted to talk because he was bored. I explained that I wanted to be alone for that 30 minutes with my thoughts and just wanted to relax but he didn't understand it and got a bit mad. It happened a while ago and it was not a big deal and he completely forgot it.

However, I've noticed that people like him (so probably extroverts) don't need that much alone time and don't understand it that I do.

Does some people really don't like being alone with their own thoughts for just like a short period of time?

I was wondering this. Do people get these vibes from us a lot? And what might be the reason in your experience?

Anyone is welcome to answer based on their experience as an infj or as any other mbti type

Im a guy who hates rejecting and hurting other people's feelings. Ive tried to befriend women in later hopes to see it turns to dating and marriage and saw thats more prone to leading on and hurting feelings. As a result ive taken a direct approach where I speak my intentions to date right from the very beginning. However, I have noticed that im still in the same situation. Ive even condensed the dates to 2 times to keep the other person from not developing feelings if I dont feel it within 2 dates.

However this has happened twice where the girl became angry after I pulled away because of no chemistry. And I dont know how to reject directly. Since I have a hard time rejecting, I've lowered the count of dates to 2 times and still this keeps happening. I have a very difficult time giving closure saying I dont feel ready or saying I dont think there is chemistry

Please tell me what to do from here 🙏

For those of you who are cinephiles, how often do you watch movies? Feel free to share anything about your passion for cinema.

When you feel like you are useless, unloving and unemotional unlike those high Fi users; dull and flat unlike ENXPs; haven't got any resources and ambitious unlike XXTJs...like you are basically an empty place

..make sure first that you AREN'T BURNED OUT!

And if YOU ARE, you should go into a burned out emergency mode, which is putting aside all your big plans, ambitions and high standards towards yourself; NO existential crisises, revising of your or other views and life principles, thinking about our life complexity and world's multidimensionality. NOTHING!

The reason is because your head DOES NOT work, so if you will try analyzing complex things, you will fail to do it properly and will come to wrong results at the end. Which will then require extra efforts from you to correct all the wrong views you acquired while thinking in an inadequate state. So, those are things NOT to DO.

Things that you are SUPPOSED to DO:

simplify your life, perception and thinking to a 5 year old. Forget about the past and future. Enjoy a simple life, like you haven't got any intellect for anything more complex. In other words put your intellect to the full rest and go do simple boring things. Slow things. Feel the time to slow down and the world to turn into simple enjoyment of small day to day things. Feel the day circle, sun going down. Take time to appreciate smell of your food or of your shower gel. Listen to your neighbors bickering like a part of peaceful life, to dogs barking, etc.

After you start feeling that your self perception is growing positive and you start seeing your good sides and feeling wholesome and interesting again, that means that you are recovering, you can gradually resume your ambitions pursuits, your fundamental values revision and other heavy duty stuff

So I am not sure that this is INFJ specific or only me, but I realized that one of my most toxic traits is to tolerate people’s bad behavior or things that annoy me without speaking up about it (or even assist to them, by agreeing with what they have to say). When I finally do, it comes either as an explosion, or I just let the relationship die out… And by that time I feel that too much time passed without saying anything. I feel this makes me a fake person, and I would really like to change that. Does anyone here have similar experience, and did you manage to change it? If you managed to cope with it, how much time did it take for you to change the wiring?

Noticing that colors work to increase my dopamine levels, I consider it better to set my screen to black and white to avoid this unpleasant sensory stimulation.

I do the same on my phone.

Obviously, if I have to watch a movie / a series, I switch the colors back to normal.

What is your opinion?

I'm looking for advice. I'm a 24yo INTP woman, and I've started dating a 27yo guy who is either an INFJ or INTJ (he's not sure).

We get along really well and I enjoy spending time with him, but I've started noticing that a lot of our interactions revolve around his emotions and needs. He's very touchy - to the point where I sometimes can't have a normal conversation without him touching or kissing me. I like physical affection, but it gets so overwhelming.

I'm also naturally a bit more direct while he's much more emotionally expressive. He says I should speak to him in a softer, sweeter way instead of being so direct and I can do that, but it gets tiring feeling like I always have to soften my words and focus on emotions no matter what the topic of the convo is, instead of just getting straight to the point.

Is this just a difference in communication styles, or are we incompatible? What do yall think?

I really believed myself to be infp, but I think when taking tests I select how I want to present as, subconsciously. I know that a lot of these tests online aren’t entirely accurate, but when breaking down each type, I found that I may resemble an infj.

Generally though, when it comes to interactions with others I feel greatly misunderstood but also have an odd feeling that I don’t know myself well enough to make certain judgments. One thing that stood out to me was the possibility of masking, and I’m wondering where is the line drawn between just making everyone comfortable/blending in vs masking? Or what is considered masking? Doesn’t it come down to your intent?

Lastly, do you think it’s possible to present as a different type under stress?

Also (last question) what are some odd traits that are specific to you that might be influenced by your type/stack?

A song that you have stuck on replay that is lyrical and meaningful to you, any genre.

Mine's: "Everybody Here Wants You" by Jeff Buckley.

"Whenever, Wherever, Whatever" by Maxwell.

Discreetly asking for more song recommendations, heheh.

It's time for me to ask this question because the patterns repeat themselves way too much. I can remember details with extreme clarity. People I've met for the first time in my life that I haven't seen in 6 months to a year I can recognize on the streets easily.

It's very common for me to shake hands with someone and say "we already met." when someone wants to introduce themselves to me a second time.

I can remember conversations and experiences from years ago pretty clearly, too. Stuff people may have said months ago that they forgot about, I can remember.

A coworker that I haven't seen in a long time was speechless when I told her all the details from our last time working together. She didn't recognize me the second time she saw me.

Am I strange or is it an INFJ thing?

Notice to world:

“For next week, if we tell you what’s going to happen, and you ignore us, you will suffer all of the consequences. We will be in the Bahamas.”

Sincerely
INFJs

Thoughts?

Do you manage to accept that people will never reach the ideal version you have in your head? In my 30 years, it feels like every single person has inevitably let me down. Sometimes it only takes one small action — nothing even that bad — and I just get this click of disgust. I instantly don’t wanna see or talk to them ever again.
It seems like only fictional characters actually work for me. And it’s not like they’re perfect. They’re full of flaws, but for some reason I don’t get the urge to drop them

I just had an interesting ah-ha that feels very INFJ-ish.

I've always liked to zig when others zag. Do things outside the box. I don't root for the *best* sports teams, I like the lesser known, underdogs. I can't tell you a single top50/100 mainstream song right now. I like more indie, up & comer type stuff.

The list can go on for days but I'll stop there lol. Anyone else relate?

I have a good friend throwing a party, she's invited a bunch of people I don't know and a few I do know but they will be with their significant others. Essentially I will be at this party alone, and this is honestly my personal hell because I despise small talk.

When I'm uncomfortable, I generally just stay quiet and retreat into myself. I will essentially be a wallflower at this dinner.

I've had situations like this before where I've asked her if she would care if I didn't come (because she won't notice I'm there anyways because I'll be so quiet), and she gets genuinely upset. And I honestly don't understand why? Like I'm happy to celebrate her one on one, but with 20 other people, I will be internally dying.

I really can’t work with someone who tries to supervise me. Any job recommendations for a gig that renders you mostly invisible?

I don’t mind bad pay but it is nearly impossible to find something where you can dodge the boss or colleague or someone trying to piss you off constantly.

I have fallen hopelessly for an infj friend. I am trying to figure out if she also has feelings or is just being a warm infj friend. Particularly coz she takes days (particularly during busy work phases or recently when she moved) to reply- the longest has been two weeks- and she replied after i sent a gentle check in. She keeps initiating catch ups- last two dinners, and recently she asked if i wanted to go on a walk together.

We do send each other multiple text threads that are quite long, almost note-like, so i do understand that they require time and effort to sit down and properly reply. But i keep wondering if her lack of urgency means that she only sees me as a friend and has zero feelings.

Bit more context- We met six months ago. In a short span of time we have discussed intensely personal meaningful vulnerable topics. In person she seems so warm and gentle- she is 100% there, we have had some charged moments that made me think this is beyond casual “buddy” energy. She remembers tiny details about me months later and tracks my mental and physical wellbeing.

I am confused- do her immensely slow replies mean she only sees me as a friend? Also, when she asked to go on a walk in her last set of txts i suggested a late afternoon scenic one which may have come across as a bit date-y. Did that scare her and is that why she has gone quiet?

Edit: Thank you all the infjs in the comments for your insights! I really appreciate the perspective. I saw a lot of advice was around having a conversation with her. I am planning to tell her how I feel when I see her (hopefully on our walk), but in the meantime I just wanted to understand if the texting patterns mean anything. Also, I really care about her as a friend and her feelings. So I want to be careful when laying out my feelings so as not to overwhelm her or cause the friendship to break down. Coz I think we both value each other a lot and have lost close friends in the past (albeit due to different reasons).

the purpose of this post is mostly a vent, and perhaps any useful advice on how to manage my thoughts/emotions.

for reference: i'm 26F INFJ, the guy is 29M INTJ.

hi guys, so long story short i met an intj at work. we pretty much had instant compatibility. we both work in healthcare, and, over time, we had gotten closer during the last couple of months. but i always felt there was one foot in and another foot out (something i couldn't quite explain).

he'd ask a lot about me, comment on my aura/character/energy, tell me things he likes about me, give me rides when i needed help, was emotionally and mentally open with me about experiences in life, we had deep conversations, invited me for coffee (always in the hospital though), would notice when i'm tired and would make me tea after logn shifts, one time brought his own coffee supplies to the break room to make me a v60 drink with him.

anyway...on my last shift, i got him an americano and he asked if we could share it because "sharing is caring". on the car ride back home, i asked if he preferred living alone or with family. he proceeded to say he doesn't live alone. i asked, "oh, why? do you have roommates?", and he dodged the question about three times until he budged and said "i'm married, no?", as if i would've known all along.

i just remember how i felt when i found out a week and a half ago - like a ton of brick fell over me and how everything just made complete sense. i also remembered how a patient asked if he's married once, and he didn't respond (while i was there). he never wore his wedding ring. he never once ever implied he is married...until i unintentionally cornered him with innocent questions.

i was on leave for a week and ignored his messages because i felt totally emotionally hijacked and betrayed, and even more so, sorry for his wife. he triple texted, once of a picture of a little note i left for him and him thanking me for the coffee and good times we shared, and again on the day he returned to work and noticed i wasnt there in the morning and said he 'just wanted to check on me' and asked if i was okay. i didn't respond. and keep in mind, he has a 24hr message timer. the only messages saved in the chat are my favorite songs that he asked me about a while ago...to which he never really commented on. the whole 'one foot in, other foot out' vibe i mentioned prior.

i just didn't understand why he kept texting or what he wanted.

we saw each other in the corridor. i was just annoyed how he was a bit cold with me at first when he saw me. it should be self explanatory why i'm ignoring him, so how dare he even be upset when he's the one betraying his wife??

it made me question if i should have just sent a text saying "sorry, i don't feel comfortable engaging with someone married", but for some reason, sending it didn't feel right for me so i just didn't and let the 24hr message timer wipe out the messages he sent.

it just hurt me a lot at first. today we met again unintentionally after about a couple of weeks, but i'm more mad than sad now. i acted professionally. his eyes didn't say much - they were always hard to read. but he gave me a small half smile at the end, that held some element of emotion.

athough we do live in a culture where 2nd wife marriages are extremely common - it's almost always done unethically, against the first wife's consent or knowledge.

that's all. i lost all trust in him and currently decided to take a break from dating in general. kinda sad and utterly disgusted that he's been thinking about another woman while his wife's just probably wondering why he's distant with her.

tl;dr: M, 29, INTJ expressed consistent interest in me F, 26, INFJ over the past couple of months. found out he's married. now i'm ignoring him unless for professional reasons as we work together. advice would be appreciated (how to manage myself/emotions/thoughts). i feel hurt that humans can be this terrible.

I was speaking with my therapist and we were talking about how much I need emotional validation she is a INTJ by the way. but anyways do any of you struggle with that? the need for emotional validation? now don’t get me wrong i understand i need to deal with it myself and be able to validate myself but im just asking if maybe this is an infj thing? the irony is im seeking validation to know im not alone in this lol but no im just wondering and if you do struggle with it how can you heal it or manage it better?