😞

I’ve struggled with anxiety for most of my life and it has been a constant buzzing noise in my head most of the days of my adult life. However, I experimented with a form of psychedelics ( along with drinking/cannabis - which I know was not the brightest idea looking back) and since that point the anxiety noise has completely disappeared but it has been replaced with almost constant intrusive thoughts.

I used to be able to feel good about things, but now when something ‘should’ be giving me joy , like celebrating an event, or even doing a good job at something I just feel completely numb, almost like the serotonin/dopamine/oxytocin in my brain got turned all the way down.

This trip was in October of last year and the first few months were hell, I had deep feelings of abandonment, deep self loathing and a super loud intrusive thought that told me I was wrong for my husband, I couldn’t stop crying, could barely make it through one day without being extremely emotionally dysfunctional. Over the last couple of months it has gotten better, but I’m still dealing with the very loud intrusive thoughts, and these don’t just centre on how I feel about myself but also about other people, and about how easy they find things, how joyful they can be, and how I feel like I just don’t belong because I’m not any of those things which is leading to even more tense thoughts.

I’ve been through 5 years of therapy before this experience happened and I don’t want to go back and feel like I’m circling again and trying to over therapize myself. I’m feeling completely lost, as my husband had such a better experience and came out of it feeling more assured and secure in himself and I am a mess on the other end of the spectrum which is adding more layers.

I have been feeling so alone in going through all of this, I have used an integration coach at times in the last few months, but I am still dealing with really loud and emotionally destabilising intrusive thoughts and this part is the hardest for me. I’ve been prescribed ssri’s but I have no intention on taking them as I saw what it has done to the people around me and I don’t want more chemicals in my brain messing up whatever is going on in an attempt to fix something.

I would love to hear how other people manage these kinds of thoughts and what their journey to healing has been.

Family is away on a three-week vacation and I’m home alone. It’s only been a few hours and I already miss them a lot.

I have plans to invite/meet with a friend for dinner multiple times a week, but I’ve never been home alone for this long before and I’ve been moderate-severely depressed this entire summer.

Zero motivation to participate in my hobbies and a lot of anxiety/sadness in general. Any practical and actionable tips on coping?

Does anyone just feel like they have been collapsed by life. And it's like you don't move on from your past. Bitter truth I've realized about life is we have to choose the easy or hard pain because at the end there is no such thing as comfort. If you don't put in the work now then later on in life you'll have to. And I'm sick of my mind is giving up on everything leading to zero ambition, no focus and attention and efforts in life. No wonder why I feel like crap because I haven't achieved nothing. I feel overwhelmed by the process

Has anyone been banned from a sub? I woke up to find I was permanently banned from the depression subreddit bc I wrote a supportive comment on a post about things that worked for an individual’s depression. The mods said my comment was encouraging toxic behavior and permanently banned me.

This is absolutely devastating, and it’s hard to not take it personally. I’ve found so much comfort in that community, and the words “permanent ban” and promoting toxic behavior“ is not only hard to believe, but has me in tears.

I really hate this over sensitivity I deal with. I wish that I wasn’t incredibly hurt by such simple things. Things like this eat at me, for a long time. It is very difficult to be vulnerable and to put myself out there, then be rejected for it.

Does anyone else deal with rejection sensitivity? How do you cope with being shut down, especially when the decision feels unfair?

hey everyone, it feels a bit embarassing on my part to reach the point of being in a subreddit asking for emotional support and community but thats what theyre intended for right? well, here goes.

I think my life could've gone in worse ways than it has, but it hasnt and i really would like to believe im grateful for that and i am in a lot of ways but the pain of what has occured to me lingers and it feels like i dont have the right to acknowledge it as something painful. It sounds a bit strange but growing up i feel like ive never had the safety of feeling or expressing things my parents found distasteful. i feel like its affected my personal and social life to the point where i just let myself be screwed over and be okay with it on the outside knowing im not. and dont get me wrong, I know the point where whats happening to me is wrong, but somehow i just keep letting it happen to me as it slowly builds up into this amalgamation of repressed saddness and anger and lonelyness to people who unknowling or knowingly have been tormenting my state of mind. for this reason it feels safer to me to reach out to strangers than people I know, at the very least any amount of critisim wont mean anything from a stranger. its so strange and it hurts so much, to feel lonely in a group of people who suposedly are supposed to care about you, to be hit with signals you vaugely associate from your childhood as dismissive and feel to have no say in it. maybe im just reading to heavily into things yknow? that is until when you find out everyone lies, and hides things from you with other people. Now it just feels like everyone is against you because of the things they know and dont know about you.

sorry this is a bit of a tangent, i dont really know what im asking for, maybe just for someone to listen to a fragment of my struggles thats harder to bring out to people I know mostly because itll most likely shift the way they see me in the ways i see them....theyre not bad people, but i really wish i could just be honest with them and they be honest with me, its so draining and isolating.