It’s easy to find a body. It’s easy to find someone that has one or two of the qualities you want. But all of them? Most of them? That’s really hard. How do you actually filter the wrong people out? How do you find a good match and how do you make sure you’re what they want? Would love to hear advice and or tips and success stories. Thanks yall.

Basically the title, this hasn't happened yet, but to be fair I never had a long term relationship after adopting my dog.

But I was talking to a friend about this, and apparently she was upset with a guy she dated because he never mentioned he was planning to keep his dog when they moved. The guy was living at home, so idk if that changes things.

I was like "well yeah, of course he's gonna keep his dog with him" she didn't see it that way.

But yeah, I have a dog, something I talk about on the first date on is on my profile.

Do i need to spell out that my dog and I are a package deal?

Has anyone here successfully broken out of unhealthy relationship and dating patterns?

I’ve always ended up going back to Tinder because it feels like a safety net. Looking back, I’ve spent years caught in messy, toxic, and generally unhealthy dating dynamics.

I’m aware of my own patterns, the kinds of women I tend to attract, and the fact that instability feels familiar to me (probably because of my childhood, don’t ask as it’s just very fucking sad). Deep down, I don’t think I really believe I deserve a genuinely good woman or something longstanding. I came from a broken home.

I’ve had casual sex and ends up being what I default back too, but it’s usually felt empty and disconnected and more of a biological urge. It doesn’t feel like anything more and I’m not building connections. My life has always felt chaotic, and I’ve struggled with the idea of letting someone in because I worry I’ll just drag them down with me.

Recently, though, I met someone who is completely different from anyone I’ve dated before. She’s nothing like the women I’m used to, and for some reason she actually likes me. She’s emotionally mature, healthy, kind, and genuinely good for me.

We communicate well, get along effortlessly, and have amazing chemistry. She’s incredible.
We started out as friends, but without really intending to, things gradually became more than that. Lines got crossed, and now I’m feeling completely thrown off because this is so different from anything I’ve ever experienced. I really like her. Like really really like her.

The problem is that I’m terrified.

This kind of relationship is completely outside of my comfort zone. I genuinely want to break these old patterns and give myself a real chance at being happy, but I don’t know how. How does my familial background and my current life baggage not make me a red flag?

My life is already full of major changes related to work and moving city, family issues, a sick and dying best friend and a lot of stress. Surely that’s too much for someone to take on? I should just save them the hassle?

I can’t imagine losing her from my life, but I’m also scared to take the leap and actually pursue something real. What if it doesn’t work out? But maybe even more terrifying… what if it does? What if she’s actually everything I’ve been looking for? I feel like I’m sabotaging myself before I’ve even given this a chance.

I ended up telling her that we needed to take a step back and stop whatever this was becoming. Naturally, she’s hurt and confused because we crossed that line together, only for me to suddenly put the walls back up and say this isn’t happening anymore when it was something she really wanted.

I know I’m putting her through an emotional roller coaster, and I hate that. But I can’t seem to convince myself that I deserve something healthy, meaningful, and lasting when so much of my life feels like it’s going wrong right now. I went back to tinder as my safe space even-though I know it’s wrong, I have a potential great connection right there.

Has anyone else dealt with this? How did you get past the fear of finally having something good?

I don’t want to lose her, I feel terrible for giving her hope then taking it away but I am terrified. How do I stop my previous history from talking me out of this when I know I want it and it could be incredible for me. It’s unknown and familiar and I’d never have expected her, she subverts my type in every way.

(This is also not me placing the blame on the women here or saying it’s the women’s fault that I’ve gone for toxic situation’s or saying it is them. It’s the fact of the matter that I have always been drawn to unhealthy situations as my life has always been unstable. It feels familiar).

HOW DO I NOT SELF SABOTAGE AND JUST LET MYSELF BE HAPPY

I wanted to share this as a 31 year old guy who has always had a hard time dating. While I have had one relationship before, that’s been the extent of my experience with dating, and now I can’t help but feel like behind everyone else.

My friends and family don’t really understand it. They consistently tell me that it should be “easy” for me, since I have desirable qualities that a partner would want. But none of that ever seems to translate to success with dating. Frankly, I can’t name a time where anybody has ever been interested in me before.

To illustrate this issue a bit better:

1. I think of myself as being very sociable, open, and funny. While I don’t make a lot of friends who are men, I do make a lot of friends who are women. They think I’m great (but making a friendship isn’t the same as creating a relationship where there’s shared romantic interest).
   
2. I’m a well educated person who has an advanced degree and a really good career. I did sacrifice my twenties to study hard and go to grad school, but I think I’m becoming successful now.
   
3. I think I have interesting (and pretty unique) hobbies and interests. I like to write books, perform stand up comedy, and repair cars.
   
4. I think I’m pretty attractive overall. I may not have an active career as a male model, but I’m 6’6 feet tall, an in good shape, have good hair, dress well, and don’t have any notable insecurities. But despite hearing that these are the physical traits that potential partners want my entire life, it’s anything but a slam dunk.

I guess I wanted to know if anyone can relate to what I described. Maybe you feel like you have the right things going for you, but maybe it hasn’t made a difference. I wonder if anyone else can relate to the experience of trying to get to know someone you’re interested in, only to have them always choose someone else in the end. I hope it isn’t just me.

Hi friends!

I know I (24F) am quite young to be writing this but I could genuinely use an outsider perspective right now. For context a lot of my friends are in serious relationships, engaged, or married or don’t share the same experiences as me because they forgo dating all together.

I am dating because I eventually want to find the one, or my person. I’ve always been romance-minded, I’ve had crushes since the age of 5 so it’s been almost 20 years of heartbreak up in this thing (LOL).

Anyway, there’s been a lot of obstacles and trauma on my journey: being sexualized, only being seen for my body or what I can offer, assault, verbal abuse, cyberbullying, stalking, pretty much anything short of being murdered or kidnapped. I don’t want to get too deep into it but I am in therapy for these and acknowledge this is where most of my pain comes from. I also have not experienced romantic love despite being in a few short-term relationships.

Anyway, I was wondering if anybody who has been traumatized or felt negatively about their overall dating experience has ever been able to heal it or find the person they love? Some days I feel like I’m too broken down and accepting that I’ll be alone. I don’t want to be alone. I want to experience love. I know that I’m capable of it because I have wonderful qualities and I have a lot of people in my life who love me, just not romantically?

I would love to hear some positive examples, about healing and finding your person. Because I want to believe it but sometimes I get too deep into my head.

I'll be honest. I don't think I'm a particularly interesting person. I work a low paying job, don't really have hobbies, don't have much a social life, and my interests are very stereotypical and banal. I haven't done a lot of interesting or fascinating things in my life. Is there anything wrong with this? Is it really possible for every guy or girl to be "interesting"? And what's wrong with, let's say, the gym, being your main hobby? Or hiking or sports for that matter? I'm sure we are all interesting to some people, but terribly boring to others.

What do you guys think? Does anyone feel the same way?

I'm tired of being romantically alone. I once entered that web place where everything seemed to revolve around aesthetics. I planned surgeries, talked online with other people who told me not to do them, that they wouldn't solve anything, and to go to the gym, find other hobbies, go out more (obviously without knowing me), maybe get my teeth fixed. But okay. In the last years, I've focused on this, I even started therapy. But after 10 years, I'm still here. Invisible, dumped, ignored; watching the same handsome guy impress other women. Even worse if they're the ones you're interested in, or your friends, or even someone you once cared about.

Today, it was a flash. I was reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius and I realized: why am I reading this book? Nothing wrong with it, but why did I take up philosophy now?

I'm simply looking for a "magic formula" that will make me feel appreciated by women. That will make me find the girl who's happy with me and therefore I'll feel calm and free. I came to Marcus Aurelius because I first read a lot of self-help books, including No Mr. Nice Guy or Love Don't Leave Me. I was also thinking about The Charisma Myth. These books aren't even available in my language; I read them in English hoping to find the answer, but again: here we are.

I can't take it anymore; it has nothing to do with the context or anything else. In 8 different contexts, attention will always go to the most attractive people in those contexts. The other night, at a graduation party, the girls friends of the party guest (all 25) were more interested in the handsome 19-year-old than in me. I feel manipulated into believing I shouldn't focus too much on looks, but then if I focus on something else, the result is always the same and I feel like I wasted time. But I'm also afraid of actually making a mistake and hearing "Well done, you idiot, we warned you." I'm also fed up with hearing bullshit about destiny, the someone are not meant to that, or karma... what bs.

I'm sick of hearing my girl friends cry over a tall Venezuelan guy with unresolved issues who makes them feel bad, but who calls them to fuck them and they blows everyone off and goes to their place, only to whine the next day. I could have done that with the last girl I was dating, but I'd feel like a hypocrite and a piece of shit for doing that to her. It's not even a matter of being an asshole or a good guy. A friend of mine is hooking up and he's incredibly kind and nice, and he's also a really good-looking guy.

I'm sick of hearing people tell me to try harder, and if I try harder, hearing them tell me I'm thirsty. Or that I find defective the girls that are into me (girls who are like 11 years younger than me).

What the hell.. I swear, if there was a solution, even just an attitude, I'd bring out all the actor in me to embrace that.

So I have a classmate in professional school whom I am crushing on. We are in a study group with a bunch of other homies and had mutual friends before we knew each other. There's a formal coming up, and we have been joking about not being able to find anyone/not wanting to go with anyone from our class mutually. But I really do wanna ask her to the formal. I just don't think she likes me in that way, and even in our study group it doesn't seem like I'm her go-to for jokes or conversation. We have plenty of convos and talk, text (GC and separate), and reels. I just don't know how to ask her without ruining my study group dynamic. I definitely need the study group, and really like the friends I have from it, so I'm scared of losing it.

My main questions are: how do I test the waters to see if she would be willing if I asked/if she likes me enough to do that? And how do I figure out if she likes me enough for that/would just be willing to go in general? How do I ensure I don't lose the group or make things weird if that's not the vibe? Any advice or ideas on a plan of action and stuff?

It hurts a lot to have to undergo so much rejection, never being with a woman. I know I am not entitled to be with someone but the rejection, pain and embarrassment I feel is just really overwhelming.

Had countless therapy, but that didn't really do much. I try to focus on my hobbies and interests - the only thing I can do to try and keep my mind on things.

Permanently walking away from attempted dating.is the only way - going through constant rejection is very overwhelming but I think this is the right decision. No woman has ever been interested in me. It breaks my heart knowing I will never know what it is like to never receive love or give it in turn knowing it'll be reciprocated. But this is my decision - to close myself off from love forever.

I have been trying to avoid dating or being sexually attracted to men for the longest time( 3 years). This is because a man I liked once told me he wasn’t ready for a relationship and chose another woman over me and committed to her. I decided I would stop dating and no longer be attracted to them. Threw out all my bikinis, body con dresses and clothes that showed my shape and completely stopped posting on social media. However I still catch myself “looking” when I see a man who is conventionally attractive or is my “type”. How do I stop being attracted to men and be asexual?

In 2016 I moved to Philly and met someone on Plenty of Fish. He was extremely handsome, passionate about music producing, and pretty funny. I could tell he was not looking for anything serious, but by the 2nd date he was pushing for a threesome and I got icked. Went to his place one last time & he was way too sexually aggressive and again started bringing up calling my friend to come over for a threesome, so I never answered him again after that. Moved back to CT the next year and got a call from Philly PD asking how I knew him. I said dating app and the cop said, “you and everyone else in his phone, which is why we’re not getting anywhere”. I asked what happened and he said he was stabbed to death then set on fire and few months earlier and they still had no leads. I was obviously shocked, but forgot about it eventually. Recently I remembered after seeing a picture of him in my phone memories, so I googled him and it turns out he met a lesbian couple on an app and during a threesome they stabbed him to death, then came back to his apartment a few days later and set him on fire, which prompted the landlord to call FD when smoke was coming from his apartment. So I’m in shock and keep scrolling google articles until I find one from 2009 where he got a felony for raping a 13 yr old off MySpace. Knowing I met and hooked up w a pedophile, threesome obsessed, felon on a dating app has permanently scarred me. Now I’m 38 and want to meet someone, but I’m terrified…and paranoid is an understatement. I don’t know how to get over this and just go meet someone again.

I've been seeing this person i met online for around a month, seeing each other a little over once a week. He (21m) asked me (18f) if we were exclusive two dates in, and asked me to be his girlfriend 3 dates in. I really like him and we seem super compatible so far so I, of course, said yes. At some point between our 3ed and 4th date he asked if I wanted to go to NYC with him for a few days about 6 weeks out, with his sister and her boyfriend. I also said yes to that because it sounds like a fun time and a good way to test our compatibility early on. He's met my parents and brother, I've met his sister, and I'm about to meet his mom tonight.

Keep in mind we call each other and text a lot, so it's not like we have really only talked like 5 times or something. My sister in particular seems to think this is progressing very fast, and seems concerned about nyc. Is this time line really that strange? Should I have told him no about the trip? I am very new to dating so I don't really have much in terms of reference points! Advice would be greatly appreciated!

Please feel free to ask for more context!!! Thank you!!!

There's a whole story behind this, but it's long so I'll spare details. Basically, I've personally experienced/witnessed guys treating you with so much care and affection, but not want a relationship for whatever reason. Guys who ask to be official but won't do the bare minimum for you. I even know a guy who proposed to his partner after just 2 years, treats her like a queen (to her face), but behind her back, does things that are questionable if not cheating.

I've always heard things like "if he wanted to, he would" or "if he really loved you, he would commit" etc and I used to agree because well, they're logical. But clearly, a guy can do all the right things without truly being in love. It's making me seriously question how one can really know a guy is with you because he loves you, not because he's gaining something from you.

Bit of a complicated story.

I met this girl a few years ago, we were just in the same circles until one day she asked me to get a coffee to talk about some career stuff, which we share. That was the first time we ever had a 1:1

Long story short, we really hit it off there. Conversations slowly revealed how similar and how amazingly we get along and play off each other. Turned into a more fun thing, a coffee turned into a whole night out and we both said we’d love to do it again.

The following week I asked to take her out to dinner as a date, and we had 4 really good dates until…

She told me she wasn’t ready for a relationship as she was just months out of one that lasted multiple years. She did say she liked me though, which I felt my body hold onto the idea of for a long time, but I know no matter what surrounds a no, it’s a no. I really believe this to be the case because she’s not had any dating prospects (that I know about at least) since then.

I took it fine, it wasn’t life shattering, but she was someone I felt like had the most potential for a partner who really got me, enjoyed all the same things and even wanted the same things in life.

What followed that was \~ a year of a growing friendship that continued to grow from the same hobbies, some shared work (different companies, same industry, both very passionate about it) and we’d regularly do all sorts of things around our city that we both enjoyed, with or without other friends or hers or mine.

I really value and treasure the friendship as something way more important and meaningful now than I did when we “dated” for a bit, which now seems like a whole different life for us since we know each other that much better and everything just feels very natural, comfortable and supportive in the way a best friendship does. (Would say she’s one of my best friends, even if it hasn’t been that long)

I dated around a little bit, but I kept tabs on myself and my feelings kinda ebbed and flowed with the reality of us, but there was always a baseline of “man… if this could be something more, it could be amazing.” And I definitely didn’t hide it with my actions, like treating her, offering her compliments, gifts when I’d travel, which were always met nicely and even returned in most cases.

We think of each other a lot. We talk every day. We dream about our lives that both of us want. We open and are vulnerable when we’re going through it. And we cheer each other on for everything we do, and relate to each other deeply in the things that we care about. We’ve grown to mean the world to each other. If I believed in soul mate, I’d use it here, even if it was just a friendship after all, really.

I know none of this inherently means there’s feelings on her end (or if there really were way back when), and that’s genuinely more than okay to me. It’s just gotten to the point where I feel like I know I won’t shake off wanting the potential for something more unless I ask.

I hate the trope of the close guy friend finally coming out with it and “ruining everything”, because it was all a ruse to gain favour or whatever, even though there was at least a little spark at the start. I’m caught between preserving this cherished friendship the way it is, and this “fuck if I’m wrong but damn if I’m right” mentality.

I’m not going to come out and say I’ve liked her all along, but I do want her to know if she’s in a different place now and has been feeling anything similar in the way we are now, I’d be interested in giving it another shot. With the famous caveat that no matter what, we can still be the great friends we are (which we kinda already modelled)

What do you think? Am I cooked? Ladies, what would make a conversation like this most comfortable/low pressure from someone you had this growing dynamic with? And how can I go about this that doesn’t drastically alter the friendship? Because if it’s a no, I really want to do the work to get over it so we can just thrive more in the dynamic we do have.

I was talking to a guy (we're both 29), and it became clear that his intentions with me were purely sexual. Even though I liked him and found him very attractive, I decided not to meet up with him because that kind of relationship isn't what I'm looking for.

Looking back, I realize he probably used tactics like love bombing, hot-and-cold behavior, ghosting, and similar manipulative patterns, which is likely why he got so stuck in my head.

Two months later, I found out that he's now in a relationship, and that's when my obsession started. I keep wondering why he offered her something he never offered me. I

constantly think about who this girl is, what she looks like, is she prettier, what she has that I don't, and how they spend their time together. I catch myself imagining scenarios where I'll run into them around town, and it's becoming genuinely unhealthy for me.

How do I get him out of my head?

I admit this situation has affected me more than it probably should have because he's the first person I've liked since my breakup six months ago.

Went on an another date with a guy I have been talking to online for over 2 years and have been dating for 3 months. He told me that there has been another woman from another country (in a different continent! while we live in the same city) that he's been seeing the last 2 years who he also met online the same way (he has flown to her country to see her and she has flown here and they have gone on holidays together including to her cousins wedding in another country). The last time she was here was a year ago and they went to a concert (which I was also at separately). Soon after a family member got killed and she told him that he reminded her of the trauma as he was with her when she heard. He said if she wanted to get back tomorrow, he would get with her but it unlikely to happen considering her trauma as she associates her dad’s death with him but that they are in a relationship. The way he said it was matter of fact. Feel like I've wasted two years investing in him as well as the fact he absolutely never mentioned her before despite the fact we were talking for 2 years and the fact we were both talking to him for about the same amount of time. When he told me this I started vomiting in front of him and couldn't stop. It's been a few days now and he hasn't bothered to even message to say sorry or see if i was okay or better.

So, I just moved to a new city and have a crush on a guy here. He was my motivation (not the reason) for moving, but now he’s planning to move away for honestly a very stupid reason. I’m so frustrated by this bc why can’t men just settle down and stop looking for the next best option? This adds a whole new plot twist in my life I never wanted. I guess I can still find someone else but ugh this feeling really sucks!!

I’ve been dating this guy for a few months now. We get along great and lot of fun together. He has baggage (going through divorce, has a kid, lives with friend), I do not. Found him posted on my local “are we dating the same guy” and found out he’s sleeping with others.
He apologized that I saw that and said he’s dating around.
We weren’t exclusive, but I assumed I was the only one he’s sleeping with.
He said he hasn’t felt this way about anyone else and wants to go exclusive now.

Do I have a right to be mad about this? Is this normal? I feel like if he’s able to be with someone else already, how can I expect him to be faithful long term?

I (29F) have been talking to a guy (29M) for almost 4 months. We met on Hinge and moved to WhatsApp within a couple of days. Until recently, we had literally never skipped a day of talking. If there was ever a delay, it was usually because I was traveling or sick, and I’d always communicate that.
Overall, things have been good. He’s a dry texter but great on calls. He remembers small details about me, randomly sends me pictures from his day, asks about my work/gym, and has always seemed caring. He also prefers calls over texting. He never let me end a conversation even if I try to reach and end it he continues. He never lets an awkward silence sit in between us during calls, he keeps talking or asking questions about me and my life. He would always ask me to stay in touch and keep sending him update if I’m travelling for work or catching flights for family trips. He has been consistent for last 4 months. He would often send a text randomly.

The biggest issue has always been distance. He’s based in a different city - a 6 hours drive away. I’ve been pushing to meet because I don’t think an online connection can progress forever. He has invited me to his city, suggested hills, beaches and road trips, but he’s also repeatedly said he doesn’t know when he’ll come to my city. Recently he even said he probably won’t be coming before October.
Then last week something changed.
He started saying he’d call but didn’t. One night he fell asleep after saying we’d talk. Then for the next few days he repeatedly said he’d call “tomorrow” or “FOR SURE today” but never did. I was left on read multiple times. During this time he was still sending me Instagram reels and was active on social media, which confused me even more.

Eventually I texted him asking how things were. He replied saying things were better and later called me (after I initiated the conversation). On the call he explained that his best friend had gotten into a serious altercation involving influential people, police and lawyers, and he’d been helping him nonstop for several days. He specifically said:
“I felt I owe you an explanation.”
He spent around 20 minutes explaining everything, answered my questions, asked about my new job, gym, week, and was genuinely concerned when I mentioned I had barely slept 1 or 2 hours a night for several days. And we stay in touch every single day. He ended the call saying:
“Let’s catch up tomorrow with a fresh mindset.”
The problem is… tomorrow came.
No text.
No call.
Nothing.
This has now become a pattern since last 4 days straight. He says he’ll call and then doesn’t. Before this week, we’d never gone silent like this.
I don’t actually think he’s a bad person. I also don’t think he’s playing games in the typical sense. But I can’t shake the feeling that maybe he realizes the distance isn’t practical anymore, doesn’t know how to have that conversation, and is slowly becoming inconsistent hoping I’ll eventually walk away myself.

On the other hand, his behavior on the call didn’t feel like someone trying to end things. He seemed genuine, caring and invested in explaining himself without me even asking and once his story was complete he started asking me questions about my day my week my gym my work everything!
So I’m confused.

Am I reading too much into his inconsistency, or would you also see this as someone gradually pulling away?

Sorry for a long text! Appreciate you reading this!

So, how do you even start dating when you're 24 and have no previous experience? I've never had a boyfriend or even been on a date. It's not for any big reason, I just never got around to it.

I'm just wondering how to deal with the fact that guys my age usually have way more dating experience than me. It makes me feel super insecure about everything.

In a way, I always feel like I'm learning from them and I'm not sure how I feel about that. Also, I saw a post on here about being "someone's fill-in for the one who got away," and I totally get that feeling. It's like everyone else has already had their "special" person, their first love, all the butterflies in the stomach, heartbreaks, a bunch of exes, and now you're just one more in all of this. That's so disheartening for a hopeless romantic like me. I'm scared I've missed the part where it all was special for them, like it is to me

I'm totally open to dating and being in a relationship. I'm more ready than ever. But all these feelings really mess with me, makes me insecure, and honestly, pretty hopeless

(EDIT: I'm not having trouble finding dates yall 😭 that's not the point of the post)

I'm 33, pretty introverted, and deal with anxiety, so meeting new people has never come naturally. My current social circle is... fine, I guess, but I don't have much in common with most of my friends, and their idea of going out is usually just hitting bars, which has never really been my thing.

The kinds of people I naturally click with tend to be nerdy, artsy, witchy, alternative, goth, quirky, creative... basically people with more unconventional interests, because that's who I am too. I'd love to date someone like that eventually, but honestly, I'd also just like more friends in those circles. Meeting like-minded people in general has been really difficult. So no, I'm not trying to chase some "alt baddie" stereotype or fetishize a certain type of woman. I'm just a weird dude with weird interests looking for other weird people.

What makes this frustrating is that I've put a lot of effort into myself over the years. I run and work out several times a week, I take care of my grooming and skincare, I'm genuinely into fashion, and I'm 6'3". I only mention that because otherwise people immediately jump to, "Well, do you take care of yourself?" Yes, I do.

For example, I went out with friends weekend to a few bars and a festival. I got at least five compliments over the course of the night... every single one from other guys. One asked if I was a musician, another said I looked like Lenny Kravitz, and a couple complimented my outfit. So I don't think I'm some unkempt, socially oblivious disaster. But women just never seem to engage with me at all.

The bigger issue is that I genuinely don't know where to meet the kinds of people I'm talking about. I see them on dating apps, but dating apps have been a complete dead end despite years of trying. I've spent way too much time tweaking profiles, changing photos, and troubleshooting everything I can think of, and I still can't get a single like.

In real life, I'm into things like paganism, the occult, darkwave, museums, hiking, art shows, poetry, metal concerts, artsy and nature-focused festivals, weird conventions, macabre literature, film, fashion... basically all the places and hobbies where you'd think I'd run into like-minded people. But somehow I never do. I've even volunteered at an art gallery and tried Meetup, but the groups around here are pretty limited, and neither has really led anywhere.

On top of that, if I do happen to see a woman I'm attracted to, I usually overthink it until I talk myself out of saying anything. I care a lot about not making someone uncomfortable, so I probably err too far on the side of being respectful and keep everything completely platonic. But honestly, that almost feels beside the point, because I rarely even end up in situations where there are women I connect with in the first place.

It's gotten to the point that a friend of mine is basically begging to be a wingman for me, and is desperately trying to get me to try and talk with women, and at this point, I think I'll have to finally do it. But again, with the overthinking: idk where or how I should even begin. My friends mostly go to bars, so it'll likely be there mostly...Like, I know it's subjective and there's no perfect way, but what's the best way for someone who takes themselves too seriously to approach women?

How do you cope with the fact as you get older that their will always be an ex that probably meant alot more then you. I mean by the time your 25-30 you'll have already experienced a handful of relationships and most people just settle at some point once they get tired of going through the dating motions. I just cant break the feeling that I'll always be someone's fill in for the one who got away.

I've been talking to this girl, we're both 30, we met like 3-4 times but its mostly me that initiates things, outings. Its me who said I liked her first, its me who initiated the kiss, its me who always initiates text messages specially. So yeah Im not trying to be a begger for anyone 😂 I sent her flowers recently, and then she got my birthday wrong days later kkkkkkk. Now its not that this bothers me, but I know behaviour has meaning and I tend to overlook things so Im trying to do that less. Also I feel like in the early stages of dating someone its something you wouldnt really get wrong when you actually like someone, or am I wrong?

We did start to get intimate one time but then she asked to take it slower and said it takes her a while to really get intimate with someone, which I did gladly, I dont mind, we dont need to be ripping each other's clothes off right away because I too need a really strong connection. But there's no effort from her end to me. Its possible she does like me, but as someone who believes in finding her person, who wants to get married and have kids one day, Idk how you'll find that person if you dont put effort in the people you say you like. If its a thing where she's just coasting and got options, well I got options too and they put effort, so cant keep watering a flower thats not growing kkkkkk. Maybe the idea of commitment brings her anxiety, maybe she just enjoys hanging out with her friends more and romantic connectiond are a dime a dozen to her. Who knows, clearly communication has not been consistent in the room, but thats not for a lack of effort from my end.

This is something I constantly grapple with as a guy in his mid 30s. Shame at never having a gf or been with a girl or date. But also trapped because I have made sure to put myself out there for no effect. Yes, I make sure to focus on other things like my hobbies, dreams and aspirations.

But the more I go into my 30s the knowledge I know that many (not all) women do not want a guy that has no experience in dating - they don't want to teach a guy at that age on how to navigate a relationship, how to be intimate, how to kiss. Stuff that a guy learns in his teens or mid-late 20s at the worst.

Those who are inexperienced in their 30s not due to religious reasons has a stigma attached and I feel shackled by it. And no i will not see a sex worker - please do not advise that or be a passport bro. I am simply not interested.

I am just a guy feeling weighed down by societal pressure on one side, the feelings of loneliness on the other and therapy isn't doing much to alleviate it. My friends try their best to help but they can do so much. It gets frustrating at times and I got really annoyed internally when one quipped I should just use my right hand a bit more. It's just really difficult.