I’ve been sober from adderall for two years after taking it for 5 and misusing it for 2 or so of those years. In the last two years, I’ve gone to therapy,back for a higher degree, become very fit, responsible, essentially have done a 180. I have a great reputation in school and respect from my employers. But the shame lingers. I’ve been working on it in therapy but an ongoing struggle is a total inability to start dating because I am really afraid of having to tell a partner I was abusing adderall. For background, I come from a very unstable but well off household so I feel guilt for ever using drugs because I grew up financially very well taken care of and a lot of the decisions I made while using were dangerous and irresponsible. I was, unsurprisingly, my worst self on adderall for the last few years I used it.

Basically I just want to know if anyone else has gotten sober and finally gotten over their fear of others finding out. I told one of my family members today and they didn’t really react. Other family members know and also didn’t react that much. But I fear I’ll move forward in my life and meet people who will really judge me and I won’t be able to deal with it.

That was hard as fuck. 37 M holding back fucking tears as I tell her that I’ve been abusing my prescription. She wasn’t mad but she was disappointed because I had been holding on to a lie that I was still in recovery from alcohol. I wasn’t, I had relapsed off the Adderall and it kick started that thing inside me that said “drinking would make this so much better.” She said the only reason she’s keeping me is because of our extensive history together, but she won’t be seeing me until I finish IOP as they have a psychiatrist in house.

Thank you everyone for your kind words! I truly appreciate this group and all of you in it!

I wanna add a lyric from one of my favorite bands, 311. “Nothing in life is above being honest”

Last week i flushed my ritalin after a year of use daily. I feel little to no motivation/ depression/ still not going to gym or wanna get a job, low dopamine/lethargic. Might give it a shot tomorrow. Although i tried it 2 years ago few days and felt foggy/anxious/agitated/sleepy. Hope this time is better

I was clean for a year. Had taken some time off work to study and recover from burnout.

I got a job and wouldn't you know it, the business was collapsing and I had an insane micromanager. I take full responsibility in my decision to hop back on the meds during this time to push through 16 hour days and 6-7 day weeks

The good news is I came to my senses and quit the job after only 2 months. Such a waste of time it's been 3 weeks of withdrawal but nobody to blame but myself

I don’t know what I expect. I wish I had done a lot of research. Lying to get a script without ADHD, taking doses that sent my heart rate through the roof every day, doses into the evening hours and using weed for sleep has destroyed everything in my brain including my feelings. All of my executive and cognitive functions are gone. Not muted but gone. 10 months. I feel like the world’s dumbest addict.

So I relapsed but now I have 9 days clean. And the fatigue has been nothing short of overwhelming. I sleep constantly, even to this day. And I cannot nap the sleepyness away.

Now, something that *has* gotten better is the appetite. I don't eat nearly as much as in the first 5-6 days.

But the fatigue man... People — my friends, mom and relatives all worry for me. They don't know the full scope of my addiction and therefore won't connect my excessive sleep to drugs. They seem to think there's something else wrong with me. But it's all due to the speed.

Anyways, when did it start getting better for you guys?

I did some writing and reflection. I wrote this after, yet again, wishing I was "there", there with my dreams...

But I thought of my dreams differently than the usual way I do.

Usually, I hate today because tomorrow isnt what i want to be. Usually, I'll feel disappointed and like a failure when I think of what im not...

Anyway, i shifted perspective and thought much more pretty thoughts...

I wrote this:

I really want to study psychology and work as maybe a therapist, social worker, or advocate some day.

As a mentally ill addict, who dreams big dreams of using my knowledge/experience to serve others; you know what I can do while I'm just getting there?

Be my first client/patient.

...And every human, my clients/patients, unconditionally deserve love, kindness, respect, understanding, hope, freedom, peace, and happiness.

And come to find out, to live the dream I have been chasing, my own health and recovery are just as important as all the knowledge and empathy I pursue.

This gives me a new perspective towards my own suffering, current issues, and motivation for self-care/self-love which I usually didn't have motivation for at all.

Now the question is self care and self love, and what does it look like? How do I do it... lol.

I'm going to have fun figuring it out.

So, tomorrow I tell my doctor that I have been abusing my prescription and I’m nervous as hell. I feel guilty and ashamed maybe a little embarrassing. I know a good doctor wouldn’t, but I really hope I don’t get fired as a patient. Buproprion has been a lifesaver since being off the stims.

Hi everyone. I'm hoping to hear from people who have been in a similar situation, whether as a family member or someone who has personally struggled with meth addiction.

My brother is 28 and has struggled with meth addiction for several years. He had two years of sobriety, but relapsed in late 2023 and has been using heavily for most of the last 2.5–3 years. He is currently experiencing meth-induced psychosis. He's been in and out of the ER, detoxes, and mental health facilities, but he never stays anywhere long enough to get meaningful treatment. As soon as he's discharged, he goes right back to using.

My dad and I are considering pursuing involuntary commitment here in North Carolina. We've been researching the process, but before we move forward, we'd really like to hear from people who have experience with it. Our biggest fear is that every time he goes back to meth, he's putting himself at greater risk for permanent brain damage and making it harder for his brain to recover.

For family members:

• Did involuntary commitment help your loved one?
• Were they able to stay in treatment long enough to improve?
• Did it make a lasting difference, or did they go right back to using?
• Is there anything you wish you had known before pursuing it?

For those who have personally struggled with meth addiction or meth-induced psychosis:

• Looking back, would involuntary treatment have helped you?
• If not, what finally led you to accept help or get sober?
• Is there anything you wish your family had understood while you were in active addiction?

Thank you so much.

I’m about 70 days sober from alcohol and prescription stimulants. They often went hand in hand.

I was prescribed them for over 10 years after taking a couple recreationally in college and figuring out oh hey this is awesome. Come to find out….I got super addicted.

Anyway, I finally came clean to my doctor and she stopped my prescription but then randomly I find two pills. I’m really finding it hard to flush them because I don’t have access to anymore and I know if I take them it will only lead to a one day relapse and not a bender. But I have clinical depression and I’ve been more depressed lately in my apartment is a mess and I’m looking around really wondering hey maybe I could just take it and clean my apartment.

Help

I’m two days away from being two weeks clean off Ritalin. My mood has honestly been so much better, I’m going bouldering consistently and I’ve been talking to this girl who I really like and it looks like things are getting pretty serious.

Although I am worried my prescription refill is a few days away, I haven’t cancelled it yet.

I’m just trying to keep myself busy. Which isn’t really a problem I actually have a lot of shit I need to get done.

Just writing this to get my thoughts out somewhere but honestly I think I can stay strong. Stims are literally poison and I don’t want something like that controlling my life

I was on adderall for 13 years and abused it for 10. I am very athletic and in 2021 I got into mountain and gravel biking as well as CrossFit(while still taking adderall- not large amounts- maybe 30 mg/day). So lots of hard cardio for long hours. Pretty intense exercise.

I quit adderall 1.5 years ago and struggled with the usual withdrawal fatigue and other PAWS for the first year. I also have not been able to handle hard exercise. If I ride my bike too far/hard, do anything intense in the heat(like hot yoga), lift weights too hard etc, I become overstimulated, sleep poorly, and am extremely fatigued the next day. Like can’t get out of bed kind of fatigue. There is a cognitive aspect as well. Like a brain fog/ depression. In addition, I find that I am very easily overstimulated. I can hardly drink coffee, can’t have more than 1 alcoholic beverage etc..it feels like everything messes with my sleep and then the fatigue cycle continues.

I’m curious if anyone else has experienced anything like this? The only thing I can come up with that sounds similar is chronic fatigue. I’m hoping things get better with time, but I’m getting discouraged!

Edited to add: I have had my heart checked, hormones, iron, full blood panel etc etc.

I am dead inside. After 4 + months of walking miles and miles every day to meetings and work, facing food insecurity, financial stress and insecurity, mental health issues and a lifetime of anger and trauma from being raised by a narcissist psycho mother. I just can’t take it anymore. I relapsed relatively recently. About a week ago. I haven’t used since and have been regularly attending meetings. For the first time in my life I am responsible for my housing and expenses. Prior to this I was residing with my narcissistic mother, who tried to keep me in a hostage situation via a restraining order ( she had me living with her while keeping the order active, and kept coercing me to apply for ssi, so she could collect it. ) I managed to leave and find a couch spot in a sober living. I quickly found a job and paid off the rent I owed for the time I was on the couch. About a month ago I found a better job. Better pay and more hours, but my hours have fluctuated due to buisness slowing down. Since April I have been regularly walking 5 to 9 miles a day to get to meetings, to get to work, to get to basically everywhere. In the past 4 months I easily must have walked over 500 miles just by walking to work and meetings alone. All of this in the face of chronic food insecurity and financial stress, all while being in early recovery. I have lost so much weight. My loved ones back home say I look frail.

In an attempt to ground myself and prevent my recent relapse from getting worse, I have been regularly attending meetings. But they have ceased to become a source of comfort and encouragement and more so of something that makes me even more tired and dead inside. When people come up to speak to me or hug me I simply ignore them
Because I don’t have it in me to socialize.

I forget that I am human. I don’t know who I am anymore. Nothing feels really. Everything feels like a dream

I want to stay clean. But I have to work and provide for myself, all while being in very early recovery. I don’t know how much longer I can last before I collapse from exhaustion or just give up the meetings and recovery to focus on work and survival.

Please I need advice nothing feels real anymore

(long, sorry!)

I've always, always hated the dentist... like, to the point where when I was a kid I had to go to a special pediatric dentist where they'd administer multiple medications to sedate me. I also seem to have teeth that are naturally prone to cavities despite my parents' best efforts to ensure proper dental hygiene, so I spent a lot lot time at that dentist getting fillings.

25+ years later, thos old fillings are cracking my teeth and causing problems. Before I developed issues with stimulants, I had a series of very unpleasant dentist visits that led me to just... stop going to the dentist. Two years ago part of a molar that had been cracked my old fillings fell out. At the time I was in the throes of my stimulant addiction and my face was too covered in sores and I didn't want to be judged for looking like a meth addict (I was) and the extent of the sores meant that it likely would have been problematic or impossible to do dental work because some were close to my mouth.

I went two years with a broken tooth. I just stopped chewing on that side of my mouth. THAT resulted in another cracked molar breaking partially off on the other side and for a while I just tried to be careful. My face has healed up but I was still petrified at the sheer amount of dental work that would be needed and that I'd be judged. I scheduled several appointments to see a dentist and always chickened out at the last minute.

Cue last week. That tooth that had been broken for several years? It developed an abscess, though for a few days I went into denial and thought that the intense throbbing pain would just... go away. It did not. It started to swell and when part of my lip started going numb I Googled it and learned that it was going numb because the abscess was pressing on a certain nerve. Oh, and that when that happens it's a crisis medical emergency and that I needed to see an emergency dentis,t like, yesterday. This was on a Saturday and I got something scheduled for Monday. Between Saturday evening and Sunday night my face swelled to the point that I looked like I had a golf ball in my mouth.

The emergency dentist was absolutely amazing and there was no shame or judgment, just a desire for me to feel comfortable. They gave me antibiotics and a referral for an endodontist for a root canal. That was this morning. I spent the past few days in a perpetual state of panic and was pretty paralyzed by it.

The endodontist and her hygenist were absolutely amazing and I was able to open up about my history with addiction and how it's been a factor in why I haven't seen a dentist in forever. They were actually really congratulatory about the efforts I've taken to address my issues with substance abuse.

The root canal was a non-issue in the end. It didn't feel much different than a cavity filling, though it took longer than that. Honestly, I found it LESS unpleasant that a cavity filling, maybe because I built it up so much in my head. I need another on in the other broken tooth in a week or so and then crowns on both teeth, so I've got a ways to go before everything's done, but my GOD am I relieved and sort of giddy right now.

I would not have been able to do all of this if I was still abusing the crap out of stims, or at least it would have been about a million times more distressing due to my appearance and behavior and the fact that I wouldn't have been able to stop taking them just for one morning for the root canal They apparently make local anesthesia less effective and increase blood pressure and are generally not recommended for dental procedures. Oh, and it was also SO satisfying when they took my blood pressure and said it was great!

In my experience, free-base amphetamine leads to a mindset of fooling and conquering the body! Caffeine and Alcohol already conditions the chemical compound => desired emotional state connection. The very first time spring 2021 I took a single line of amphetamine, I had two seizures in a row and due to falling asleep after one hour, I felt like I couldn't really assess its effects. In summer 2023 at a festival, I realized the cheat code that amphetamine is to get the same effects as the first time taking caffeine x10.

Spring 2024 I finally got myself a dealer and bought a few grams. Then in summer 2024, I started using it for studying instead of methylphenidate. Multiple on and off-phases gave my body some rest until february 2026, usage has become daily and dosages >60mg per day that still left me tweaking in 2024, led to being a usual dose half a year ago.

The past month I've been using up to 200mg per day + I smoke 1-2g hash and cigs and drink 500mg of caffeine daily but at least stopped drinking.

Amphetamine slowly creeps up on you when you use it for productivity and enjoy combining it with substances like alcohol and weed that kind of destroys the point of using it in the first place.

I used it as a tool and it made mundane task enjoyable until it didn't. Now I have debt to pay, lots of emotional debt but it kinda ruined my finances too as soon as I started to smoke cigs and weed as well.

Beware, don't go in trying to conquering the body by using it just as a cheat-code it will ruin the game eventually…

Does staying on qelbree count as time off stimulants? I'm hoping I am giving my system somewhat of a break after stopping

Last pill was a week ago. At first I felt exhausted but wired, now sleep is the sweetest thing in the world. I slept all day yesterday and am sleeping all day today. Is it normal for big exhaustion to hit a few days after stopping instead of right away?

Also eating a ton, etc… which I know is pretty normal.

It has been about 5 and half year since i used last. Im not gonna lie life has changed so much for the better since I have gotten clean. I work a program and have a sponsor. But the beast has been speaking to me in my sleep again and when I wake I feel like shit like I have been using all night due to only getting about 2 hours of sleep a night. I have found my self searching for subreddits for drug use or searching for porn with drug use in it basically glamorizing it all again. And to be honest im a little nervous. I fear I might forget I am an addict and go use again like I never set it down and will hit rock bottom again. I have been avoiding my sponsor because I dont want to be held accountable lol. And that in self is terrifying. Anyways. Im M,35 DOC, meth

I smoked crystal on the streets for 4 years. In a small town, I surrounded myself with thieves, and to fit in and support my habit, became a thief myself. I became obsessed with stealing, essentially made it my whole personality.

Like the title says, I've been sober for over a year now. I moved out of town, got a job, haven't stolen a thing.

I can't befriend anyone or socialize for shit. I have no personality. I don't know what to say to people ever/at all.

I met some gaming people online that I'd queue games with. They added me because I'm good at the game, that's it. And when they all mess around and joke and have fun in voice chat, I'm just there dead silent. If they try to engage with me, I don't know what to say, or how to say it. (This isn't just an online gaming issue though, it's universal)

Before the drugs, I wasn't a social butterfly, but I was far better than whatever version I am now. I was witty, I could snapback and go back and forth with people. I can't do that anymore for reasons I do not know.

Any and all advice is appreciated. Is anyone else also going through this? Thank you for taking the time to read.

I know it's generally not a good idea, but I also know that sometimes things happen, and that the heart wants what it wants. Anyone here have any good stories about dating someone who is also in recovery? Stories with bad endings also accepted 🫠

I’ve posted here a couple times about how rough it had been with abusing my script. Well, it inevitably sent me back to alcohol, a huge fight with my wife, a 4 day bender of drinking morning to night and popping my Dexedrine and Adderall like tictacs. I ended up in a detox and now I’m happy to report I have 22 days clean and sober. I have a new sponsor, my old one moved back to New Jersey and didn’t have much experience with drugs which my new one does and is active in both AA and NA. Recovery is possible, I had 6 years before deciding to take prescribed Adderall knowing I was an addict as well as an alcoholic.

For anyone who is struggling, put the shovel down now, your bottom can come up to meet you, you don’t have to keep digging. I will keep coming back.