i would be happy if I were white, I would be beautiful.

I'll never be beautiful, I hate my shit colored skin so much. I hate summer, I hate my 3c hair. I hate my lips, my nose, I hate when people refer to me as what I am, I hate, hate, hate hate when people ask me what I am and I have to say what third world country my parents are from, I hope my children come out with beautiful European features.

I stopped meth after 60 days and all I am is a gay loser with no money, no boyfriend, no career living in sober living. Life is unbearable and i can't do this if every second is emotionally unbearable. Unless I can get money, a high paying job, and boyfriend then I give up. The only thing harder than being gay is being gay and poor

Like bro I'm 30 and ugly af , I'm terribly jealous of good looking people and feel disgusted everytime I look in the mirror . I wear a medical mask everyday to cover my face so that nobody can see how ugly I am without it, not to mention this ugly stubborn double chin I got. Yes regardless of what I wear or what I try to change my face is still my face, the medical mask is the only thing that helps a little when I'm in public.

(I got no friends so I'm just letting it out here)

I hate myself. And I find it pathetic. This whole community is pathetic. Just wallowing in self loathing instead of just doing something. Just starting. Just one step a day. But you are so addicted to a version of yourself. So attached to feeling shit. I go out of my way to make my life worse. And the worse it gets the more I hurt people around me. It’s so selfish.

I am a rotten apple. I make everyone around me depressed because I'm always overthinking about something and there is honestly nothing happy that I ever share with anyone.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months and we have hardly ever gone on dates because my parents are strict and they don't let me date. Plus we're in college and preparing for a very hard exam. He failed it twice while I passed it in the first attempt. He failed the first time because he got into drama with his friend group in the first year of college (before we even met) and lost focus. The second time we had started dating and he had a good chance of clearing the exam but he failed by 3 marks. And before the exam I used to annoy him so much because I was afraid he was still talking to his ex or using me because she had started posting again and he was still following her, and even though nothing happened I was so anxiously attached to him that I made him so depressed by asking for constant reassurance and I KNOW that he failed the second time because of me and I can't get over the guilt and I'll always live with it. However he used to hangout with his friends for 3-4 hours before the exam so that might have made an impact too but the blame is mostly on me(at least that is what u try to tell myself to bury the guilt deep down inside of me)

I stopped my toxic behaviour of being obsessed with his past after he told me to and I knew I needed to change but there were still so many unsolved problems with my anxiety. I would always call him to tell about my day and I would only talk about something negative like "yeah I felt so embarrassed and awkward about that thing that happened in college today, I'm never doing that again" and I would always cry because I thought it didn't affect him, but recently he told me it did and it's making him depressed too to the point that he started talking less to me.

His 3rd attempt is coming up and he told me he needs a 2 month break so he can prepare for it without any distractions and I told him I didn't have any problem with it because I know I keep going back to my old habits and I'm toxic. I even tried breaking up with him because I was constantly doing this but he wants to stay together and trusts that I'll fix it.

He wants me to be more expressive and stop pushing people away that like me and take care of myself even if we don't last, but I feel like I'll disappoint him all over again. Not only him but all other relationships that I have. Also I'm too broke for therapy, which I did consider once.

The guilt is killing me and I feel like I don't deserve anything that I've achieved but my parents are dependent on me and I have to do something for them.

I once used to think I was an amazing person who made everyone feel good but turns out to be just an emotionally manipulative person.

I am not seeking sympathy here, all criticism is welcome, I deserve it and I need people to be brutally honest with me as I feel that is the only way I can be better and not repeat this again.

I'm fat and I know it bro. I may be a teen, but I know I'm not skinny. And I'm too lazy/unmotivated to actually do anything about it so I fall into a spiral of self-hate and then anger. And I get girls coming up to me talking about how they're so fat as if I'm not two sizes bigger than them OBVIOUSLY. Like how can someone be that fucking dense?

I'm also sick of all this body positivity bullshit. I'm not happy in my body, I wanna do something about it, no amount of 'omg love urself' or 'people would've gone to war for u' is gonna make me feel better. how can ppl not read the fucking room??

And I'm too lay do actually do anything to get skinny. I've tried half assed to do workouts and shit but it never sticks. And I know I eat like shit, but I can't fix that either. it's genuinely so fucking annoying and frustrating that I can't get myself to just workout and be healthy.

I pushed so many people away because I believed I was a bad person. I couldn’t bear the thought of the people I loved getting hurt because of me or having to stay beside someone like me. I wanted them to find someone better, someone who could give them the peace and happiness I never felt I could.
Life with me always seemed exhausting. I’m a deeply gloomy person, and I never wanted anyone’s pity. I didn’t want to burden them with my problems or cast a shadow over their days. I wanted them to experience life at its brightest, surrounded by people who could make them smile… not someone like me.
And yet, when I see they’ve moved on and found the life I hoped they would, my heart still breaks. It hurts more than I can put into words. But I tell myself there’s nothing I can do, because maybe this really is what’s best for them.
Everyone who enters my life seems to end up carrying a weight they never asked for. Maybe I hurt them, or maybe I only believe I do I honestly don’t know anymore. I just can’t see myself as someone who could truly make another person happy. Everything around me my family, my life has always felt heavy, and I never wanted that darkness to reach the people I love.
Now I’ve made a terrible mistake, and all I can think is that I should leave everyone behind. I want to push them all away, so it will be easier for me to let them go… and easier for them to move on without me.

I low-key feel like i'm ugly like every guy I like always rejects me everyone around me are getting into a relationship but I just can't even get into one. Like I don't think i'm ugly but I guess everyone around me does. Im I bad person for being jealous that my friends are into a relationship like what can I even do I'm just a helpless person who wants to find someone to love me and craving for the love that my parents never gave me. I'm I bad person???

I don't think there is one thing about my body that | like. I have a soft tummy. My butt isn't big enough. I have hip dips. My boobs are tuberous. My skin is riddled with keratosis pilaris. I have an ugly vagina. My face hasn't been completely clear of acne in a year. I can't smile like a normal person because it looks awkward.

Every day I find a new thing to obsess and stress over. I feel trapped inside of this disgusting body. I hate myself so much. I'm withdrawn from everything because of my insecurities and self-hatred. I can't focus on important things because my mind is always preoccupied with how outlandishly ugly I find everything about myself.

Nobody could love this gross vessel. But I yearn for love.
It's killing me mentally. To know that I'll never experience easy intimacy like everyone around me seems to be.
Physical attraction plays a huge part and I don't even have a good appearance to offer. I could never get naked around someone without the fear that they'll laugh in my face and shame me.

Everyone says the media constantly feeds you unrealistic standards that actually aren't as applicable when it comes to real-life dating. I'm not denying that there might be truth in that. That realistically, people know it would be absurd for everyone to accept no less than a supermodel. But I don't even see myself as average.
You're a boob guy? Nice, mine are small and gross-looking. You're an ass man? Great, mine's nothing special. You're just looking for genuine connection, regardless of how I look? You don't exist. Either that, or you're 20 years older than me in a country thousands of miles away.

I come across many kind, supportive and accepting people online but I'm convinced they don't exist in real life. Only God could help me, if he even exists.

i.. want to be a dad. i can't hold down a job. it feels like all i have is my creativity and enough self-arrogance or pride or whatever to refuse to overly monetize it.
i offer nothing but my anger and my love for humanity's good aspects. i.. want cruel things for people who reject their humanity, sure, but.. i also have the self awareness to question who i am to define what constitutes rejecting one's own humanity. yet.. i also hold enough unearned confidence to say certain assholes do genuinely just reject their own humanity.
i.. also feel so much shame about liking who i like. it's honestly fucking annoying to anyone who makes the mistake of listening. it's not even anything harmful, i just feel so much shame and self doubt about it that i'm so fucking annoying to everyone around me. i just.. idk.

i want a better life than i'm willing to assert for myself. because i feel no right to assert myself.

Ever since I was a kid, I hate being part of a non white background in which my dad was verbally agressive towards me. Ever since he and my mother where divorced I think of how much hatefull thoughts I feel of being half white and half coloured. I feel better of being white. Pls don't hate me for it, this is just honestly how I feel as a mixed race person.

So when I was in 3rd grade my mom found out that I was taking so long of my exam because I was struggling, and mind you she went angry and she told dad and they got angry,so they sat me down and scolded me and said I was dumb and compared me to my Best friend,and they threatened to enroll me in the kindergarten harshly and slapped me, mind you I cried and the next day , dad teach me how to do math and I hate math, and then when I couldn't get it he slapped me by the face and said I'm dumb, and spoiled when I literally bought my own snack food by my own money, and then in grade four they interrogate me if I got out grade or out past in a quiz and I said no , and in grade 5 they made fun of my grade in it's with highest and I didn't deserve it, and in and dad teach me how to do math again and it's about percentage, and he slapped me two times because I didn't get it right, and said I'm dumb again, and grade 6 they stopped I don't know why tho and I always cried my self to sleep every day since grade 3, and fr that I have some kind of brawn on my side cheek below the eye on the side , it's because of the years of crying,

So I'm in highschool now, and I hate my life I always tried to kill myself but I couldn't do it, it's too painful, so back to the story, I'm here in the Philippines, and in my elementary life I'm always the smartest, and my family is....toxic, yes you heard me toxic, so one day I was at school , I'm just writing down my classmates names because of our agreement of something, so our teacher suddenly drops a pop quiz that the top 3 will enter a contest grade 7 to grade 12, so the quiz started, and forgot to tell you that it's nutrition month, in our school so , I wasn't in the top 3 but I'm still 4th , and my Mom found out that I wasn't place in the top 3 and mom told dad, and I went silent... Because they got angry , mind you when I was in 3rd grade they threatened to enroll me in grade 1 if I'm not too in my exam,yes all my years I'm suffering because of them they compared me to other kids , they scolded me just because I love drawing, alright!! This makes me cry ,so back to the story ,my mom and dad scolded me harshly, mind me I'm an emotional kid and I'm trying my best not to cry, and I decided myself to be.quiet , stay tone for an update byeee

...I break; feeling all my hope scooped out of my head and replaced with shame.

What is it to be morally right or wrong? I agonize, wishing to kill myself, tempting to cut my wrist, cut, cut... over my morality...

Feeling the background noise of my urges is proof I haven't recovered *yet*, I back away from getting help, whether by reaching out in real life, calling 988, texting 741741 or visiting a psychiatrist...

Even at the near-bottom of tragic feelings, I still have the patience to endure my flaws.

Looped; thinking I'm terrible at everything, doing something poorly or not doing it at all, therefore proving I'm terrible...and spiraling down.

I would fight my flaws head-on and achieve helping others, even if my life's worth nothing.

How do I come to terms with the feelings and thought's I am not well liked? I have struggled my whole life with low self esteem and zero confidence, it comes from childhood trauma. I have been diagnosed with EUPD. I drank and did drugs to 'get away from myself' for a while and I felt what it must be like to be a normal human, especially when on E's but now that's gone I'm completely empty. I have tried to kill myself loads of times but I just won't die! People call me names every day idiot, twat, wanker, just like your uncle Anthony, disloyal, untrustworthy, shady, selfish, no carrism.....and that's just my Dad and Btother lol. I was seriously picked on at school and bullied but at least I got the better of the bullies because in the end I smacked them clean in the mouth. My mother didn't want to or couldn't look after us after she split with my very physically and verbally abusive father, and tbh I still haven't gotten over it 50 years later. I could forgive my mother but I have been told I'm not allowed to speak to her, otherwise I will be disowned and written out of the will. I have such low self esteem I can't for the life of me think why any person would want to be with me. I don't even know how to attract a partner let have a reasonably good and healthy relationship. I struggle to interact with people because all this is going around in my head producing that much negativity, it's easier to just go home. I know I'm hated because at the end of the night I would be going home alone and everyone else would be hooking up & that says a lot to me. I'm constantly thinking about killing myself and I cant get it out of my head. I'm not allowed an opinion when discussing things regarding my own kids and when I became a father I completely lost my mind. I'm in such a bad place I don't actually want to wake up in the morning.

How do I come to terms with the feelings and thought's I am not well liked? I have struggled my whole life with low self esteem and zero confidence, it comes from childhood trauma. I have been diagnosed with EUPD. I drank and did drugs to 'get away from myself' for a while and I felt what it must be like to be a normal human, especially when on E's but now that's gone I'm completely empty. I have tried to kill myself loads of times but I just won't die! People call me names every day idiot, twat, wanker, just like your uncle Anthony, disloyal, untrustworthy, shady, selfish, no carrism.....and that's just my Dad and Btother lol. I was seriously picked on at school and bullied but at least I got the better of the bullies because in the end I smacked them clean in the mouth. My mother didn't want to or couldn't look after us after she split with my very physically and verbally abusive father, and tbh I still haven't gotten over it 50 years later. I could forgive my mother but I have been told I'm not allowed to speak to her, otherwise I will be disowned and written out of the will. I have such low self esteem I can't for the life of me think why any person would want to be with me. I don't even know how to attract a partner let have a reasonably good and healthy relationship. I struggle to interact with people because all this is going around in my head producing that much negativity, it's easier to just go home. I know I'm hated because at the end of the night I would be going home alone and everyone else would be hooking up & that says a lot to me. I'm constantly thinking about killing myself and I cant get it out of my head. I'm not allowed an opinion when discussing things regarding my own kids and when I became a father I completely lost my mind. I'm in such a bad place I don't actually want to wake up in the morning.

I don't respond to comments, or starting the conversation in the comment section and I just think that's weird when the intro should be in a chat reqs anyways.

Well, the Redditors know my previous posts that I'm permanently leaving Reddit July of 26 or 29th of 2026 and if you need someone to text, because you're feeling depressed then you can message me through here.

This is my Sleep Token Discord server (I've already posted on another sub with more details, because I'm not sure what we can post here and cannot post here.)

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5ub0fBiISY49M3rFDeGBMf?si=zVHXUu87Qs2Xjwb7-1IKGA

Extra 🔗s just in case one is broken.

https://discord.gg/SxnnCgdK8V

https://discord.gg/DEKjDVUxvy

https://discord.gg/GaJweU5Qj3

tl;dr I’ve essentially swapped cutting myself for gooning

So I’ve been clean from sh for ~almost 2 months now. I’ve always watched porn even whilst I was shing but it was never a serious addiction. But now ever since I quit sh I’ve geuibley become addicted to porn now and I feel like I’m not really clean from sh cuz I’m still watching porn even thought I’ve stopped shing. It’s essentially my coping mechanism now and I disgust myself for it.

if i was a dog life would be so much better smh

Im struggling in career jobless im also gay 😔 if i would have been a girl life would have been less difficult when someone doest have a professional life aswell as personal life what one have ??? Being unemployed is biggest curse ? Sorry but i may sound wrong but if i would been a girl and my career wouldn't be taking off i would have chose to be a house wife happily now i dont even have that option males are constantly made to prove their worth im very good at doing all household thing i love cooking lmao