Long post
Hi, I'm Azul (not my real name) 22 years old, female, a senior highschool graduate, currently living in Antipolo City. Living in the Philippines is a dream for most foreigners and tourist, but being a Filipino born and raised in the Philippines is hard, growing up in this country will give you a lot of eye-opening moments.
I didn't continue to study college not by choice, since I cut ties with my eldest brother, and I don't have anyone to rely on since we're a broken family, and my other siblings doesn't have healthy relationship to each other, they have their own family while me left in our father's (deceased) house alone, we're not rich. well me, the black goat of the family happen to be friends with all of them (before) until things turned out bad with my eldest brother. he gave me a choice to continue studying but I didn't continue, I don't want to be in a place that I'm not welcome anymore.
And then I'm alone again, being so left behind from everything. My heart shattered into pieces but at the same time happy, seeing my friends continuing their studies and following their dreams. kind of weird because I once dreamed of myself being in that situation. Everything become worst for me but then me and my mom reconciled, she helped me have things to eat in my house. Also, my sister gave me some funds, she's my best friend and the best ate. But I still feel like a burden, a 20 year old and a shs graduate with no work. I felt depressed with no energy to do everything.
A little fast forward, I turned 21 years old still in the same situation but it's becoming worst for me. The feeling of being the unfavorite child of your mother is the worst, seeing your bother being favored the most since he's the one studying (he's an shs student that time in 2024 - 2026) He came home from Cebu, since they can't handle him there. I got so depressed again, and then I got in touch with my 2nd eldest brother. He offered me a work in his wife's shop, and of course as a desperate person I accepted it. He's running a flower shop, stay in.
At first I thought everything will go well, but it doesn't. Well, most of the basic needs is free but if we're talking about the pay, I think everyone will say it's ridiculous. I ran some errands for them and coming back home with 200 php - 300 php inside my wallet. I let it slide at first since I finally have money to buy food for me and my brother, not until I stayed in their shop for a month since all souls day is coming. He gave me 50 to 100 every day to let me buy anything that I want, and again I let it slide. All souls day came, and everyone is exhausted and not getting enough sleep because customers are rushing to our store. The 3-day non-stop work has ended, he lent me 3k in advance before everything even started but I spent some of it because there were times that only me and his children were the only people in the sbop. He goes to see his wife lol. I went home with only 1.5k+ money in my pocket, then again I spent everything to buy some food supply.
Last valentine's day this year I stayed there again for 1 month and went home with 2.5k money inside my wallet, after that I didn't return to his store again. I felt disrespected and taken advantage on since he's my brother. The month of March came, my sister already booked me a flight to Luzon. I arrived in Manila and took a ride to Antipolo, my first two and a half months were the best but at the same time worst. I had to adjust and fit, new environment, new people to socialize with. My sister made me her assistant in her business, she's self employed. She's paying me well though I'm not asking for it since she's the one taking care of me, but she insisted. everything worked out so well, not until June and July arrives. Business is on the season of drought, the customers are barats lol. so she barely asked for me to assist, so doing the usual I helped in household chores. Everything dropped when all of the pressure was pressed on me, I'm already 22 years old but I still don't even have a proper work.
I can't help my sister on their bills, though they're not struggling, I feel like I'm so left behind. I got desperate and apply to every job in some websites that I'll fit in, I even applied to a bpo company. I went to their recruitment team and got in to the final interview in the same day, but I wasn't hired. I got mental blocked and can't focus very well since I'm nervous, there's a part of me that lost the energy after it. But I understand, maybe because I lack good communication skills and mid in English.
But I didn't stop there, I applied again to different companies with the role of store crew/service crew. some were scam so I'm starting to lose the hope to find a job. I found some roles that I'm totally fit, but the problem is some of the jobs right now requires experience or you should be a college graduate. I questioned myself out of nowhere, how can I get experience if some of those work needs experience? and how can a shs graduate like me will find a work that won't need a college graduate requirement? that's when it hit me, it's really hard to find a job in a country like this. you barely have the opportunity to work if you're not qualified enough even if you have the potential to do so. Maybe everything will get better if I finished college no?
I'm so bothered all the time of me not getting a job to the point I apply being a Instagram VA thrice now, where you'll promote OF to other users and make them subscribe to it. A performance based job, pay per click. At first, I feel a little happy that I'll finally have a little experience being a VA. But it wasn't easy especially having a low-end phone and without a laptop to use. I was barely doing something until the account I'm using got taken down, I lost energy and backed out. My efforts weren't seen either, so how come I'll stay in that kind of situation? But then again I saw another promotion in Instagram, I applied again last time just to finally say that I have a job.
So yes, being not privileged enough is hard. Even if you're trying so hard to rise someone or something will pull you down. I dislike being born in this country, but do I have a choice? no. I guess I'll keep grinding until I'll finally have a life worth living, lol. Thanks for those who'll read this, appreciate it a lot.