https://www.reddit.com/r/OpiatesRecovery/s/J2J4d2wcN0

Since i quit opioids (specifically oxy) in june with the help of my parents i have asked to have narcan in the house just in case. but they dismiss me, their reasoning being that if i see it as a necessary precaution then i’m not 100% committed to staying clean.

Meaning if its really a necessity then they are going to put me through more intensive care until its not. I can’t get them to understand that its never not necessary for someone with my history.

I have no intention of going back to oxy but i’m also aware relapses can happen and OD risk is much higher after a period of abstinence. I’m just as scared as they are.

I’m no longer allowed cash for obvious reasons and every purchase i make on my debit card is seen by them. Plus even if i do get it somehow it’s of no use if they don’t know about it because they would have to be the ones to administer it should somrthing happen.

Do i bring this up with the specialist we’ve been consulting? idk what to do, every option makes them lose trust in me and will result in less freedom. Any help would be appreciated.

I went to the methadone clinic which unfortunately was not great. I dosed the methadone again and had the same reaction to it, a completely lobotomized feeling where I felt like I’d never return back to my head. No idea what day it was or what happened, got the sr17 which made the physical part much better but I went through two bottles like it was nothing and now it’s taken almost a week to get more. But anyway after the methadone basically made me trip on acid for (I still don’t know how many days) I shook it out on the floor many nights seeing the floor as the wall and vice versa. I shook that shit out like a beast. Anyway I also got some gabapentin yesterday which really got me back in my head finally cause I thought I was gone forever. Still some stomach pain and manageable anxiety and a few chills but I can’t believe I’m saying this. I really feel like this is my last day of discomfort. Just wish the sr17 would hurry up already. Now the emotional part has been hard.. idk what’s waiting on the other side of this because it’s been 12 years. But I’m sososo close 😭

Hey folks.

So… life got to me bad these last several months. One parent’s dementia advanced severely and I had to sort out Medicaid and get them into a facility asap while my other parent kinda shut down and complained the entire time. Lost months of work over this because I’m also chronically ill. On top of it, my partner had become increasingly abusive in almost all ways, the stress led to a relapse of my illness and the pain symptoms first. I’m the only one earning money and I can’t handle the pressure of this at all.

I always keep a small emergency amount of p20s (~4 max per month, I cut them into quarters) for my periods, I have pretty bad endo and doctors just seem to ignore the pain I report. So… Okay. Whatever. But after my period about three months ago… I remembered the mental relief along with the physical that got me hooked the first three times.

I fucking relapsed. I’m ashamed. I just couldn’t take it. I hated being in my own home. I hated living with a parent who left me to pick up the mess of their own marriage (the dementia parent abused me so working on helping them with zero support felt like extra torture, honestly). Work simply wasn’t frequent enough to distract me. Every time I’d work at home on something creative that I loved, my partner would ruin it or center themselves somehow.

So my stupid ass relapsed. And I have to hold myself accountable for that.

As of now, since I bought more than my “limited amount” (which, fuck, I was so good and strict about it before my life crashed down on me again) after I realized I missed the “disconnecting from reality” sensation due to desperation, I have 11 p40s ER and 4 p20s IR.
I need to get off. I’ve done suboxone tapers twice. I can’t do it again. The first time was smooth, it was a staggered taper over the course of about eight months and it worked well. The second time? Not so much. I didn’t have the patience nor the privacy to stagger taper properly or as long as the first time. But I survived.

As for my daily intake, it varies. I guess anywhere between 10-20 mg, some days ~30-40 spread throughout the day. I know it’s a low mg but I’m a very petite person.

Today I went down a bit. I took a tiny piece of an ER before bed last night (this morning I guess, technically… I mainly do night shifts so my schedule is wacky, and didn’t dose again until maybe an hour ago (~8pm). Normally I’d have taken 5mg of IR the moment I got up. But I kind of just let myself sit with the discomfort as long as I could. The dose I took was too small to make me feel “relief” but enough to stop my body before it freaked out.

I’ve gotten off of it without subs before once. I remember a near week of brain fog, fatigue with bad RLS so no rest, and of course, the horrible stomach problems.

I don’t know if I’m breaking rules asking for advice and I’m sorry if I am. I just need a plan and supplement suggestions maybe? I have nobody to talk to about this irl.

Idk how to do this in a way that won’t alarm my elderly parent or tip off my abusive partner (both former opiate addicts but, FAR higher doses than I dare to take. So at least one would recognize the signs, I’m sure, and idk what my partner will do. I know he’ll accuse me of lying and cheating or some nonsense. And I know. I am working on getting them out of my life but it’s just too many things right now to focus on him)

Anyway.
I’m sorry. I shared a lot. I just want to be free of this and I’m scared. When I’m sober life is too much. When I’m high I hate myself for sliding backwards yet again.
I appreciate your time if you read this mess. ❤️

Today is day 3 clean using subs. Been sniffing 150-200mg oxy a day the last few months with 4-6 day breaks the last 2 months cus I kept trying to get clean. Especially the last month. I constantly would go 2-6 days so many times and relapse. This time I tried subs for the 1st time. I picked up 1 8mg/2mg strip day 1 and took 2mg after 24hrs. I used clonodine and gabapentin to get me to that mark. It got me feeling like 95-100% normal. Got sleep that night and then used 2 more mgs the next day and got me thru the day I still feeling 95-100% not always super well but not always feeling bad which was only feeling a bit uneasy periodically. Today I woke up feeling better than yesterday and only took 1mg today. Tomorrow I will also only take 1mg and will have 2mgs left. Should I taper with those or should I be good considering such low amount of subs held me down. Will is still experiencing withdrawal when I stop taking them. Should I taper with the last 2mg I’ll have after taking the 1mg tomorrow if I even feel the need to. I have gabapentin,Lyrica,Clonodine And few xans too incase. Not asking for medical advice just thoughts from anyone with experience. Thank you!

Hello, I'm not seeking medical advice, just asking about personal experience.I made an account just for help and advice. I'm in a terrible situation. I need help from sober people who have experienced this. I've been sober from everything over a year, have the privilege of seeing my children and also getting to the end of my legal issues because I've done so well. Well I guess not well enough, I have a huge, secret and I'm in hell. I need help from people who know. I started working at a gas station a few months back, and started taking these stupid, God awful Waka Mit pills. I didn't use the powder. I don't know if these are 7o or not.They're advertising them so innocently and I'll be honest I fell in. I am now taking 3 70 mlg pills a day, can't sleep without them. my significant other is 10×s worse. In this situation I cannot go to a rehab or use methadone or Suboxone and I can't lose all my progress over this. I'm so heart broken and afraid I know I started this, but I need help. The withdrawals symptoms are going to keep me from working and I want to stop and so does he. I never should've started this, I tried to cold turkey them and I got 12 hours into it and I couldnt go any further. I feel like a failure. Mental state crashing. I'm pretty sure they are about to stop selling them anyway. Even if they dont I'm tired of this. Is there any hope to do this myself or will I crash and lose it all.

I'm starting to taper my cocodamol tablets. Vary between 2 to 4 (30/500) a day. Now down to 1. My mood is low and I'm dealing with a lot of stress right now.

How did folk manage to push through the mental stuff? Is going cold turkey a better option?