r/OCPoetry 2m ago

Feedback Please Beware of the Spectator.

Upvotes

Beware of the spectator.

That watches us all.

Underneath his solemn demeanor

lies a patient, waiting thrall

Just envision him there.

Sitting completely alone

watching you, silently.

not a sound, nor a moan

He doesn't shout or complain.

Doesn't cry when you're in pain.

Only watches day and night

Seeing all your joy, and all your fright

He scatters his little selves around.

Sowing seeds on your mind's ground.

Taking on all forms but his own.

To hide a 'glory' that remains unknown.

A blonde-haired priest, who knew no sin.

An orphaned boy, who had no kin.

A wealthy CEO—a girl at that.

Or a scared teen, in a world gone matte.

Beware of your spectator, their form anew.

He's my writer of none, and reader of few.

Beware your spectator. He does not tire.
Your becoming him is all he'll require.

...

What do you all think the spectator is?

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/jqbva0/comment/oz7s51u/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/ibjhrn/comment/oz7tahe/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 11m ago

Feedback Please An August Baby, June's Purple Rain

Upvotes

Your vision peridot, finally reconciled
Contrast and contradiction above all that has beguiled

Mysterious soul, personality the labyrinth
Sisyphean task to interpret your zenith

Oh Proteus, oh man of the oceans
You put on no show, yet behind you are curtains

You have given in to this world and its motions
I feel you a purple tulip, enclosed in green cages

At an impasse with your opinions
For your heart never engages

Maybe in "la la land" you wouldn't be here and still apart
I'd figure out the brain beyond that stupid side-part

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v3va8h/comment/oz7mozr/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v3va8h/comment/oz7n0gf/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 21m ago

Just Sharing light it

Upvotes

I don't think

I did this life right.

Can we try again?

Because, I think

I'm ready for this

one to end.

--------------------------

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v3w2ev/comment/oz7pj0d/; https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v3pqcj/comment/oz7qe0e/


r/OCPoetry 38m ago

Just Sharing My Feelings/On The Tip of My Tongue

Upvotes

Sometimes it feels like I have the most beautiful thing
On the tip of my tongue
If I could just let it out
If I could just find the words
Then I could speak a masterpiece;
And someone could hear my feelings
Saying how beautiful my words are
Saying how beautiful I am

The other day I had a dream that this was possible
If I was the main character in a famous book
All kinds of people would read the book;
Angsty college students, lonely Mothers, 
forgotten children, hopeless romantics.
Thousands would hear my story
And they would say it was beautiful
They would say I was beautiful

If I could only be a character in a book 
My feelings wouldn’t be lost
Or stuck on my tongue
They would be expressed in my movements, my behaviors
They would be expressed in the slightest thing I did
Expression through simply being is so easy
But it can only happen when someone is watching
And I am not a character in a book, so no one is noticing my movements
The only way to be heard is to speak
The only way to speak is to know what words to say

Comment 1

Comment 2


r/OCPoetry 42m ago

Feedback Please In the real world, I’m nimble and quick

Upvotes

In the real world, I’m nimble and quick 
 
In my dreams, she, the girl she’d she met long before she met me, and some cruel small man are making me run the lengths of the trails that ran behind our junior high school. 
 
Years ago, when we got far enough for the coach to not notice, we’d stop running, throw our shirts over the fence, and we’d walk in only bras, to make the heat slightly more bearable.  

I remember a few of the conversations we had; I remember her imagining how my life would play out. 
 
I remember one in particular, she told me how she imagined I’d lose my virginity, and it wasn’t perverse or sexual at all, because nothing was yet, being without shirts and speaking crudely meant nothing.

All of it felt so foreign, a year later, a girl in our grade had her first kiss, and we thought it was the strangest thing in the world.

When I had mine, a year after that, I didn’t like it very much, everything has always been dreamlike for me, like I’ve been floating all my life.

Kissing someone, feeling the firmness of their body against mine, was terrible.

I wished to go elsewhere agin, somewhere where everything is intangible and nothing is concrete.

I wished to go somewhere where those trails never ended, where sex doesn’t exist and girls never become women.

In my dream, I can’t run as fast as her and the other girl, which makes no sense at all, because in the real world, I’m nimble and quick. 
 
During cheer practice, I outpace the other girls easily, it’s the only thing I’m good at. 

I can’t dance or cheer well, I was given a critique once that my legs were too long and my arms too thin, I’m too willowy, too lanky. 
 

I imagine my long limbs slipping through the cracks in the gym floor.

Alice through the rabbit hole.
 
I imagine nobody notices when I fall, and maybe I’d end up wherever I end up would look an awful lot like those trails, winding, with the hum of the interstate overlapping with the sound of shrill prepubescent voices. 
 
Maybe I’d be back in my dream, still being outpaced by her, and the girl I never quite liked, and that small, mean little man.  

I can’t accept it, can’t accept that the loss of virginity is not some foreign unknowable concept, surrounded by hushed murmurs of blood and pain that lasts days, I can’t accept that I am never going to go back there.

I can’t accept that I am going to love her and miss her forever, but none of it matters, because at our age, we are supposed to have boyfriends that we love more than our best friends.

I can’t accept what I see in the mirror, though that critique was right, and I am all limbs and often bones, I still see a woman’s body, not a girls, with breasts and hips that go far past the indent of my waist.

I used to starve myself until it all went away.

I stopped bleeding too, my body was a girls again.

But then I got so sad, and I was so tired, and I didn’t laugh, only cried, and she didn’t want me anymore.

I never got her back.
 

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/fPNjWymLBe

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/xxjzI1B4M4


r/OCPoetry 48m ago

Feedback Please One year long lover.

Upvotes

I sit beneath the trees
That so graciously
Give me company

The moon shines bright on me
As I think of everything
From one day lovers
Who I haven’t thought
About for summers
Or a one year long lover
Whom now makes me somber

The things I would do
Just to be with you
To look into your eyes
One last time

But all this time You haven’t
paid me much mind
So I sit here beneath these leaves
I beg for lightning to strike me
Or a bear to maul me
Honestly anything beats
thinking about how you
No longer love me.

I long for my year long lover
Underneath this starry light
The stars speak to me
They whisper tonight’s the night
The tide will sweep me
And the moon will be beneath me
When I lay off the golden gate

-I’m just starting out making poetry and feedback Is appreciated.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/JxJTIc7wdj

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/BU4cfRHD0m


r/OCPoetry 54m ago

Just Sharing the wanted woman

Upvotes

Three shots to the head, the PI said
‘Bout nothing left from the neck up
The megaphones fizzled all around
What kind of man, asked the town
Could ever commit such an evil act?

Well, a man could never, she thinks
Stabbing a needle into patchwork
Three bullets? It had felt like twenty
But things, of course, feel strange
When there’s a body upon yours
That isn’t supposed to be there

Sheds slam open, pitchforks drawn
There’s a cold-blooded killer loose
One who killed a good, honest man
There’s a woman, ramming a bat
Against her pelvis, hoping, hoping

Two months later, she buys pants
Understanding that an honest man
Rots beneath the ground, and rots
In the depths of her swollen body

When she is found by her mother
Three weeks later, she can’t speak
With the pain, wrench in her hand
Rug soaked red with desperation
But she breathes now, greedily

Her mother is numb with shock
And, shakily, moves her limbs to
The phone booth across the road
While her daughter pleads for a
Washcloth, a minute of her time

Shackled, she sits, body aching
The young sheriff quietly stutters
Under state law, she has taken a life
No pitchforks - only drawn curtains
And whispers behind cupped hands

-

1 2


r/OCPoetry 2h ago

Feedback Please Red leg

1 Upvotes

The first time I bled I saw what my insides truly were

I thought I was blue like the veins coiling my arm

But my nectar was red released to severe alarm

See when I first bled it wasn't dramatic,

a scrape of my knee

As my dad would say caused by being a spastic

But there on the concrete part of me remained

Just a gentle reminder of the cause of pain

Because he held me that day, or atleast I think he did

His presence was comfort as tears washed me thin

But now he's gone I know apart of me remains

On the blood dripped concrete where my innocence was claimed

Because that day I hadn't felt anything like it

A presence of my own body without it's skin

The loss of him so young I wonder what his insides were

was he red as well, were we so alike

I know he knew how to fix me when I felt that pain

But he wasn't there to help me and he won't be again

1 )https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/m7UTdeemiH

2)https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/bt2jHSOgwl


r/OCPoetry 2h ago

Just Sharing Live life

1 Upvotes

Deep thoughts, deep sighs
A view of grey ceiling in my eyes
Its like a staring contest, and then I realized
It is everyones first time to live life

What is a mistake? What is fate?
Was it a mistake or just fate?
Is free will real or fake?
Many questions and answers I couldnt take

Dont do this, you do that
You do this, dont do that
So I do this, and then what?
My mind just couldnt do the math

Fast moving thoughts but steady sight
Well, Maybe fate is what we make
Now decide and make it happen
Because, well, you know what?

Its everyones first time, so, live life

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v3va8h/a_clock_unwound/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v3t6d8/just_a_dress/


r/OCPoetry 2h ago

Feedback Please Learn to Know

1 Upvotes

As the sun begins to set, I recognize the air has grown heavier,

like a deep exhale into the screened silence.

‘Try turning it off and back on again,’

I yell to you, from far away on another continent.

Deep beneath our feet the wires run,

crossing the ocean floor,

making connections while simultaneously confusing the order.

Is it pasta then boiling water?

Run then walk?

Lover then friend?

 

I hear my own shadow nervously follow behind me.

I’d rather not try to turn around and look.

I’d rather just chew my chewing gum.

I’d rather search for bird nests in the treetops.

I’d rather learn to know when the moon will crest,

and cast its bright shadow on my quiet windowsill.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v3tkcr/comment/oz74bro/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v3unnz/comment/oz73w54/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 3h ago

Feedback Please The Stars that I see

3 Upvotes

Stars in the night sky,
running from their own orbit,
dazzling stars, scourging my eyes,
jealous stars, judging each other,
radiant stars who shine out of guilt,
roaring stars, shrieking to be extinguished,
irritating stars
who disrupt my dark

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/MowVTA3Gob

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/VkBm4pAwHm


r/OCPoetry 4h ago

Just Sharing Tuesday Morning

2 Upvotes

Confidence.
  ..and self-doubt..

People picked up
on your shallowness far
quicker than you imagined.

  Confidence.
...but there was always
the worry of, "Will I ever
  be good enough?"

    Confidence?
They say just be your
    self and you'll do fine.

..but what If you know yourself?
Your skiddish mannerisms, your persistant
hesitation, your constant uncertainty...

Like the pins of a Voodoo doll.
  was confusion and immediate
disinterest, all I had to offer?!

!?What was it?!
    Where was it??

ǝɔuǝpᴉɟuoƆ
You Never Loved a women for herself,
only for her gifts and what she
has to offer...

Confidence... It hurts,
doesn't it? Knowing you've adopted the
mindset of a Cold-hearted machine,
never to feel worth
or the warmth of true compassion
because your too preoccupied Performing,
not looking Bad, Giving people something to
judge...

confidence.
You worry too much. Your insecurities are
deafening! It never helped making others
understand.

Confidence!!!!
within the span of twenty-three minutes, you
could flush it all away–
her wanting to know you! flirt with you! be
with you!..

Negligence.
O' how I rejected the sorrow,
but I've grown too comfortable here
and now
I call this place home

 


comment 1
comment 2


r/OCPoetry 5h ago

Feedback Please Grief poem - all comments welcome!

3 Upvotes

The sentence that

The sentence that hits a nerve.

The sentence that makes your heart drop.

The sentence that reminds you.

The sentence that makes your brain stop.

The sentence that feels purposeful.

The sentence that you know was an accident.

The sentence that you wonder whether they realised that hurt.

The sentence that still remains prominent.

The sentence that couldn't be helped.

The sentence that could have been avoided.

The sentence that takes you back to a past moment.

The sentence that makes you feel disappointed.

The sentence that makes you angry.

The sentence that makes you want to scream.

The sentence that makes you want to cry.

The sentence that makes you wish this was all a dream.

The sentence that makes you wonder if this will ever hurt less?

The sentence that confirms you are powerless.

-------

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/F6o0dkqEHm

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/bWtlwLoJ74


r/OCPoetry 5h ago

Feedback Please a clock unwound

6 Upvotes

A clock unwound, undone, uncoiled
someday, sometime, I’ll hear it chime
vast dreams from yesterday, all foiled
somewhere there rings an echoed rhyme
a yoke dragged on through tracts of soil
who tolled the knell, was there more time?

to prise and wrest, to sit bereaved
a dam deluged by lies assumed
bisect and cede, to this I cleaved
enmeshed, ensconced, entrapped, entombed
wrought by such dearth unearthed, deceived
a visage faded, yet exhumed

a house now aged, bricks under vine
the joy, the love, the strained belief
which dulls the glow of this lost shrine
where memories lie on every leaf
the streams won’t flow, the sun won’t shine
all swept away, the grief, the grief

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/4aulfZ5zUt

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/zG13ugZrRT


r/OCPoetry 6h ago

Feedback Please san francisco

3 Upvotes

the shadow
the future 
the wrinkles 
came a lot faster
wasted 
down
screaming memories
dandelions 
chlorine 
take me back to a place 
when i cared
where i loved you 
until i was numb
stumbling  
the times quicker 
the world is shining 
my heart got stuck in a vase, 
incubated, 
then carried its belongings
across the USA 
just to find my eyes kept shrinking
the presence of the woman i look up too
lost 
performing eternally
blind 
angry 
jealous
the bike flying  
these thoughts 
are an ugly orchestra
stuck from a time before i could speak
but tried desperately to for five years
i should have stayed

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/3KQLj5qQ6f

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Yy6oE3uZyQ


r/OCPoetry 6h ago

Feedback Please My Lady

2 Upvotes

Around my lady’s throat,
there lies a silver chain,
on which there hangs a crimson stone,
from which I must refrain,

from leaning over gently,
to take it on my tongue,
wet lips wrapped tight round crystal glass,
Her head is backwards flung.

A soft, delicious suckling,
my servile eyes on Her,
shaking hands caress Her waist,
my eyes, devoted, blur.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/8X6HoCPGPA

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/9uqN2pBBVA


r/OCPoetry 6h ago

Feedback Please Out of my control

3 Upvotes

I miss the time when your actions didn't feel as unpredictable

as the wind on a stormy day.

I miss when your presence made me feel safe,

and not like I was standing in a thunderstorm,

never knowing when the lightning would strike.

I miss when your calls had meaning,

like the trees give life through the air they create.

But just like nature, you're out of my control.

So I sit inside, like on a snowy day,

overflowing with nostalgia

for the sun that once shone.

__________________________________________________

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/gbwiLSJKsh

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/jI8EyFxWW8


r/OCPoetry 7h ago

Just Sharing Just A Dress

4 Upvotes

A dress is a simple thing.
Yet it is not.

It is cloth,
yet so much more.
It represents.
It clothes.
It warms.
It protects—sometimes.

It shines.
It glitters.
Sometimes not.

It’s long.
It’s short.
Tight, or flowy, or flouncy.

Is it beautiful,
or is it a cage?
A representation of the past?

Can a dress be anything other than a dress?

Is a woman wearing a dress
a step forward
or a step back?

Is it feminine,
or is it bold?
Is it safe,
or taunting?

When a woman wears a dress,
does it mean she is going back to the home?
Or does it mean
she is simply wearing a dress—
a dress that is beautiful,
something she desires?

A dress is cloth,
fabric,
plastic—
and yet not.

For some,
the representation clouds
the mind.

Such a simple thing—
this dress.

Oh, why can’t it be
just a dress—
something beautiful to wear?

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v3od71/comment/oz5lnqg/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v3s2i6/comment/oz5ggtn/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 7h ago

Feedback Please idk

1 Upvotes

consciousness is a ship

im sailing through the waters of celine's night

port is head

in the slow dive

under massive attack, with my spying eye

i enter pool of thoughts

at the same time

watching

like

f"{interpol}ation"

yield: dont be scared don't be shy

#come on in waters fine

stripped to the steeple

i rip me off myself

to belittle dose of me

it doesn't have to be lethal

everything is a gray area

til it's something that hurt ya

crawling on a gray band of lithosphere

overcooked under death rays of sun

try to out

run -

gra(y)ve

all eyes on me

all lies on me

and no one lies on me

so i lie down myself

in a system of a down

as i lay dying

lie myself

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/DfJbca9kzl

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/fwAgbsxSD5


r/OCPoetry 7h ago

Feedback Please Where the leaf fell

1 Upvotes

I was wandering

in search of my own existence.

Exhausted, I rested

beneath the quiet shade of a tree.

Then suddenly

the restless scratching of a pen

pulled my attention away.

Just a thought..

What kind of life must it be,

the one touched by that pen

etching, upon the canvas of emptiness,

a shadow into being?

And then

it was thrown away,

onto a heap of grass…

an unfinished story,

yet destined to remain eternal.

An existence that exists

but carries no purpose.

In that moment,

a thought surrounded me

My eyes began to follow

the journey of a leaf

falling from that very tree.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/6KsHGAgtw7

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/NyytGlpt5u


r/OCPoetry 8h ago

Feedback Please unknowable

1 Upvotes

I lose myself in relationships written backwards, the final period placed before the story has even begun.
I try to recreate what I knew twelve months ago, an opening hindered by a different language, a trust built on nothing, and therefore built on everything.
Eyes of extraordinary gentleness, a gentleness I pushed away with fierce resistance, so accustomed was I to the roughness of a life gone off course. You were the most loving; perhaps you will become the most loved. Because your bruised heart loved a heart that had gone numb.
The way we expressed ourselves was not always beautiful, yet an absolute sincerity seeped through the tears I let fall on that warm summer day in that apartment. I let you glimpse what lay beneath the shell, the weak, sensitive man, and you embraced him tenderly, never once judging him.
You were home.
You were a stranger who felt achingly familiar.
A soothing tenderness offered by a heart burning with bitterness. I will not remember your words; I will remember those eyes, irrationally mine.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Z8HeNekmsu

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/ftaENSWzpU


r/OCPoetry 8h ago

Feedback Please The Fifth

3 Upvotes

An unseen dimension beyond
space and time.
every possible version of
reality
at once
it all exists

always all ways

not a direction
you move through
a field of possibility

All outcomes.
All moments.
All selves.
coexisting 
simultaneously

never directly perceive
A place we can only describe
never directly perceive

simultaneously 
coexisting 
All selves. 
All moments. 
All outcomes.

a field of possibility 
you move through 
not a direction

always all ways

it all exists
at once
reality
every possible version of
space and time.
An unseen dimension beyond 

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v3pqcj/comment/oz4wmh8/

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v3olkj/comment/oz504ce/


r/OCPoetry 8h ago

Feedback Please Will I Wave

1 Upvotes

Will I Wave

Crossing the street I used to live on

My head down

Hey! If I look up, I will see myself

Driving my old sixty-eight Merc’

I will hear the rumble

I will smell the gas

Will I wave?

Strangely –

I

do

not

see

it

Disappointed,

I reach the other side.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v3olkj/comment/oz4slhc/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v3le9w/comment/oz4rhav/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 8h ago

Feedback Please Punchline Chirp

2 Upvotes

I want to make you belly laugh
but my Punchline flew away
That damn bird stole my riddle
now he headlines on Broadway

He flies across the stage spinning emotion
Casting it out in a wide net
Capturing the dumbfounded
making us belly laugh

His one bird act just doubled
Pulled himself out of a hat
Now there's two birds chirping
Witty, jesting com-pun-ions

It flipped and flopped skipping to the top
brimming with the springtime
Birding into mammal
Horsing clippity clop

One final act for the night
Unstable steeds merge back together
What do you call a slipper that has
two eyes, eight legs, one tail
and can outrun your very thought?

Written in collaboration with my good friend the duke.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v3f5mx/comment/oz4uq07/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v3hu9x/comment/oz4oefr/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 9h ago

Feedback Please Self-Harm

6 Upvotes

Love is self-harm.

You cut yourself.
You torment yourself.
You agonise yourself.
You cut people.
You cut your desires.
You keep on cutting.

Until one day,
there is nothing left to cut.

Then you realise
you cut your friends,
their plans,
your own self,
your own interests.

For whom?

Did I ever tell you…

Love is self-harm.

Not because it asks you to bleed,
but because it convinces you
that bleeding is another way of loving.

You don’t notice the wounds
until everyone else has left
and you’re the only one
still holding the knife.

Love is self-harm.

By the time you put the knife down,
there is nothing left
that remembers
who you were
before you started cutting.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/QolYiuTqOJ

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/93ui9c6E2m