r/OCPoetry Mar 09 '22

Welcome to OCP -- PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING

509 Upvotes

TL;DR You need to give feedback on two other poems before you can share your own poem, and then put links to that feedback in your post. If you don't know how to give feedback, read the guide. Reusing feedback links will result in a ban.

Heyo, welcome to OCpoetry. (That’s “original content” if you don’t know). This is a place for sharing and getting feedback on your own poems. We are the sister subreddit of r/Poetry, which is for sharing and discussing published poetry. Our goal is to create a place where anyone can learn to become a better creative writer, kind of like a free online writer's workshop.

This post is an orientation to the subreddit. If you’re new, read this before sharing your work. If you’re less new, then read this anyways, as it has a few changes to how we've done things in the past. If you’ve still got questions after reading this post, please send a modmail. There are some FAQs at the end of this post which will be updated as we go. We also have a huge and very disorganized wiki containing all of our resources, essays on how to write poetry and historic writing prompts, I recommend you check it out.

So, here’s basically how it works:

This subreddit works on a pay-it-forward system. If you want to share a poem, you need to give feedback to two others from this subreddit. This ensures that everyone gets some readers and hears some response, rather than just shouting their verses into the void. If you don’t think you’re up to writing feedback for others just yet, we recommend you check out r/Justpoetry or r/Poems, where there are no requirements for sharing your work.

1. All posts must include two links to recent feedback.

Every post must contain two unique links to your comments where you have provided feedback on this subreddit within the past two weeks. Feedback links cannot be reused for multiple post or reposts of old poems. All posts without feedback links will be removed, without notice by our subreddit robot so make sure they are included in your initial post -- you cannot post with the intent to add them later.

But, how do I get the links to my feedback comments?

That kind of depends on what platform you're on. If you're on desktop or on a third-party mobile app, there should be a 'share' or 'permalink' link underneath every comment on Reddit. Clicking on that should give you a unique URL to your comment. Just copy + paste that into the body of your post.

If you're on the official Reddit app, you'll have to click 'share' on the comment and choose the 'Copy URL' option, paste that into your notes with the body of your poem. Then copy and paste the entire thing into a new post on the Reddit app.

2. At least one of your comments should be on a poem that has received no other comments.

This ensures that everyone has a chance to get a few reads and hopefully some decent feedback. If for whatever reason you can’t find any lonely poems, then comment on the poem that seems to have received the least amount of feedback. The easiest way to do this is to sort posts by new.

3. Feedback must be high-effort.

High-effort means different things to different people. It does not mean “super long” or “expert quality”. But it does mean doing more than the bare minimum.

You don't have to complement, criticize, or try to figure out the "deeper meaning". You should try to notice your own reactions and explain them as best as you can. If you want to explain your interpretation or summary of the piece, you can and this is often helpful to the writer. If the poem made you laugh or cry, feel bored, confused or nostalgic — say so, and then explain why you think it did. A good rule of thumb is that each of your feedback comments should be at least a short paragraph.

We understand that giving other writers feedback on their creative work can feel a bit artificial or uncomfortable, if you’ve never done it before. That’s why we’ve written a feedback guide for beginners. There are more feedback guides linked in the FAQ below. You should also read some of the other feedback comments around the sub to get a feel for what works for others. Poems that link to low-effort feedback, and low-effort comments themselves, will be removed at mod discretion, or if you report it to us. However, we’re less interested in policing you and more interested in helping you grow as readers and writers. We are more likely to ask you follow-up questions, than remove your work entirely. The mods skulk the comments sections and will ask follow-up questions on comments that seem a little thin, and please answer those questions if you get any.

4. Please Be Kind.

Treat each other with kindness and respect. The mods have an incredibly strict definition for each of these concepts. We will proactively remove comments and poems and ban users that make others feel unwelcome or unsafe. Your right to creative expression does not extend to poetry that promotes misogyny, homo/trans/queerphobia, racism, etc. If your poetry’s especially violent or covers sensitive subjects, please label it with the NSFW tag or a content warning in the title. Harsh criticism is allowed -- encouraged, really -- as long as you’re being harsh on the poem, not the person. Remember that the narrator (or the “speaker”) of the poem is not necessarily the author.

5. Audio, video, and image poems are allowed; but the text of the poem must be included in the body of the post.

This is so that people can still enjoy your poem if they're unable to view or listen to your link for whatever reason.

6. You may include a link to your poetry blog at the end of your post.

Or your instagram, or your personal creative project, or your soundcloud, or your Etsy page. As long as it's poetry-adjacent that's cool with us. Just don't get spammy.

Attempting to dodge any of these rules, or abuse directed towards moderators enforcing these rules, will earn you an immediate ban.

FAQs

What do the Poem & Workshop flairs do?

They simply allow you to show your intentions and expectations for the piece you are posting. The Poem flair is for sharing a piece, with the expectation of receiving mostly surface-level feedback and general advice. The Workshop flair is for a piece that you really want to work on, something you want to pick apart and analyse. It signals that you are open to discussing the piece, and that you invite strong critique.

How do I format my poetry on Reddit?

The following is advice for formatting in Markdown. Two spaces at the end of a line gives you a line break.
Type two spaces at the end of a line, then hit enter twice for a stanza break.

Three dashes "___" will give you a line through the post.


Type two spaces to create an empty line,

so you can get lines

that look like this.

 Four spaces before each line will allow you 
to format however you like, this is 'code block' 
       in the Fancy Pants editor. 

one asterisk before and after a piece of text will give you italics, two asterisks for bold.

Can I print one of these poems out/use it on my instagram with my art/put it in my book?

Ask the author. Part of what makes this space a useful workshop space is that everyone feels safe to share their stuff; if people start using poetry without the author's permission, or god forbid, trying to pass off another artist's work as their own, the userbase of this sub will feel less safe to do so. Please, ask the author, and then do what they say.

I'm thinking about trying to get my poem published somewhere. What should I do?

The standard thing is to find a literary journal. There are a zillion literary journals and magazines all over the world. They have different themes, tastes, styles, audiences, readerships, levels of prestige. Some charge fees for submission, some do not, some will pay you if you get accepted, some don't, some will give you feedback, some won't let you know anything for months. So first you'll want to pick a few of your poems, get some feedback from some trusted readers (or from here, of course) and then start looking for a journal that's a good home for your work. Most lit journals have submissions periods where they accept all the work for their next issue, and then sift through everything they get.

You will probably get a lot of rejections. This is normal. It's kind of a numbers game. You can submit the same poem to multiple journals as long as the journal says something like "simultaneous submissions are allowed". If you do get accepted, congrats! Most journals want 'first publication rights' or 'first serial rights' or something similar, so that means you'll have to tell all the other journals you submitted that poem to that you've been published elsewhere. (For that reason we strongly recommend deleting your poem from reddit if you want to submit it to a journal -- technically and legally speaking, writing a post on reddit is still considered publishing your work, and reddit owns all the text on the site.)

Here are some places to get you started looking for journals:

Duotrope and Submittable are two apps that help you search for journals, and help you track what poems you've submitted to which places. Submittable is free, Duotrope is not. They are GREAT.

Poets & Writers has a list of lit journals, small presses, and writing contests. This is a great place to start. They also have a newsletter listing all the presses and journals going into their submissions period.

I'd also check out r/literarycontests, if you fancy yourself as a prize winning poet.

A few poetry podcasts

I thought I might include a few podcasts that helped me learn a little more about the history and craft of poetry, as well as find some good poets to read. All of these are available on Spotify, as well as many other platforms.

The New Yorker Poetry Podcast

A poet reading and discussing a poem from the New Yorker archives, as well as one of their own pieces. A great place to find good poetry and hear some discussion of craft. The earlier episodes are with Paul Muldoon, who is delightful.

The Faber Poetry Podcast

Two poets read and discuss their work, with plenty of talk about craft. As well as lots of poems sent in from authors across the world. They really get shoulder-deep into it, which is always wonderful to hear.

In Our Time

A group of experts are brought together to discuss a subject over forty-five minutes. This isn’t strictly a poetry podcast, but there are hundreds of episodes on poets and poems of the past. I highly recommend the episode on The Green Knight with Simon Armitage.

Homemade projects and useful links to our Wiki

The best of OCP

Collections of work from OCP, selected from the top karma earners of that year.

Year 1-3
Year 4 Year 5
Year 6

We/R/Poetry

A homemade journal created by the users and moderators of OCP.

Volume one
Volume two

Guides on the craft from our Wiki

Created by moderators of OCP through the years.

Poetry Primer
Bad Poetry
The Body Poetic
Poetry Hacks
A Brief History of Rhyme


r/OCPoetry 8h ago

Feedback Please When did she become a poet

22 Upvotes

When did she become a poet?

When she knew how to stare at books collecting words foreign to her lips?

When she started looking through her eyes and witnessing ,

the slow movements of the birds in the sky painting with their wings a freedom she could not claim?

There when she wrote words of strange emotions she did

not know had names but she felt all her life?

Was it then?

Was it when she lost her words when they fell carelessly over and over tumbling from her mouth onto ears that

were closed off long ago to even her whispers

Was it when she drove her hands through the tall grass in fields that held her hand when her mother's ran cold that one summer she could not remember

Was it when she leapt into dreams with cheerful excitement and shallow promises that at the time she did not know carried any weight at all?

When she gave her whole sprit to another knowing her soul was not hers to give

That she knew belonged to her and could not change an assurance that become both her protector and enemy

When was it that she became a poet?

When the shadows of doubt lingered more than she could hear and she herself became a silhouette of a forgotten muse

One that was only born in her own head when that of her beloveds eyes lay fervently on another

Yes perhaps that is when she became a poet when the longing and yearning to be brought to life and live eternally with the words of another to be painted beautifully by them that all those who did not know you

see you as a mystery to lose themselves in to be in their envy of you and your existence entirely

Perhaps it was then that she wrote words , heavy, soft, purposeful, lazy, willful and dangerous it was then that she wrote them to herself , here lies the poet who dreamed of being the muse of words not a painter.

I'm just starting out as a poet I was a bit doubtful about sharing but I'd really appreciate any thoughts.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/d4ad7o2r2d

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/yg5zs3gswy


r/OCPoetry 3h ago

Just Sharing What we carry

2 Upvotes

Time's but a ticking scythe,

You never know when it will strike,

Someday — the future will be the past,

And present will be nostalgia.

Remember to enjoy the moments,

For when death comes — it, we'll carry,

These revelries veil a unique memory,

A special one in each heart.

Do remember your last cry?

When thoughts — past lingered,

The joy, the farewells, even the shy,

A remembrance, built block-by-block.

Im a beginner in this industry, I have ever only written poems for educational purposes. I wish a reader will like it. It was inspired by a line of a song created by laufey "A letter to my 13 year old self". The line was "Keep on going with your silly dreams, Life is prettier than it seems". I also thought of the idea that your best memories flash before your eyes after your death. And lastly, the nostalgic feeling that pains my chest when thinking about my life.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/eXTvG96eYh https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Y3J8aiebgQ


r/OCPoetry 3h ago

Feedback Please Afterimage

2 Upvotes

and then back to the beginning
with the brush of air and light of dawn,
the songs i cant get off my tongue,
the honey and its bitterness,
the tang of metal in hindsight,
swinging like im nine
because i still am, somewhere i dont remember.
the walks on the balcony,
the pink bracelets and the daisies,
warmth like a cage around my ribs, 
like i can feel it all, 
and also the hollowness in my gut; 
a premonition.
and then it is glitter in my veins,
so pretty, so permanent, 
all mine, only mine.
now it is the relentless wind, the glaring midday sun,
it is songs i inject in my bones,
like a high i can never reach.
it is running, it is the pens,
it is a heart beating so fast it is breaking free,
no more mine,
and all destroyed.
it is a symbol, a pattern, a prediction.
it looks like fate and prophecy,
it is a myth, it is a curse,
no more ordinary, 
almost like it was never mine.
it has changed,
and i will call it an end.
then i will be guarded,
my heart full of swords
that would drown me with their weight
until one day i look the other way,
and it happens again. 

hey everyone! this is my first poem here. i tried to write in a transition, where it goes from domestic, real, grounded to symbolic, mythological, larger than life, as you begin losing a friendship and make it better and better in your head until you start believing it was perfect. i dont know if i accomplished that very well, so i'd love to know how you all interpreted it. any advice is welcome and greatly appreciated!

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v46698/comment/oz8xok3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v2ni7w/comment/oz941v4/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 52m ago

Feedback Please Poems whose names I’ve forgotten

Upvotes

If only I had jotted down 
A single line, a phrase, a name 
So I could once again refer 
To how your mind, 
your words, your life
Slipped through my eyes
And down my spine
Hitting every nerve

A lil thank you to the sub, it’s been really fun reading everyone’s poems and all the feedback! Poetry has always been a solitary hobby of mine and it’s been really wonderful connecting with other people who love it too!

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/bqqREZB9an

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/ZL5oy5AFoa


r/OCPoetry 1h ago

Feedback Please As Father's light began to dim, I climbed a firetower far from him.

Upvotes

Smoke rose softly through the pines,

An omen dressed in gray.

I watched it bruise the western hill;

It did not turn away.

Dad's pocket watch against my palm

counted down the hours.

The doctors named what waited there;

But I called my hope Flowers.

For flowers bend in frost,

then rise when April calls.

His heart might do the same,

behind those whitewashed walls.

The radio beside me slept,

Its mouth waiting for me.

Thought, if I just ignored the flame,

the flame might leave us be.

Sun rose on blackened sky.

Dad slipped away— and so did I.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/s3m7ksrxGK

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/CXGxGlzFl2


r/OCPoetry 1h ago

Feedback Please epipen

Upvotes

I’ve been allergic to ice cream my whole life, and I’ve tried everything. Coconut, dairy free

The kind that melts slower in the heat and boils on a Kansas sidewalk, flat, at 100 degrees.

The flavor that sticks to your lips that I leaned into kiss at a love drunk 23.

If only I would’ve known that this was a precursor to long nights spent on church floors, you saying “I’ve never done this before”, and me begging for more.

Now you’re on your back as you melt into me, sweet vanilla bean, what I’ve been waiting so long to eat

What I’ve been looking for deep in the jungles of some foreign land climbing mountains with calloused, gentle hands

Speaking in tongues, flicking and lingering over words better left unsaid

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v4a091/comment/oz9pw8t/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v49nj4/comment/oz9r5pg/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 5h ago

Feedback Please Belladonna

2 Upvotes

Riding the tachyons beyond the realms of the known mind

Arriving like the Queen of Sheba,

She wakes up to keep her rendezvous,

Her nocturne tryst with the impending eclipse

That ends with an encore.

She is a fragile vesuvius that is ready to erupt

When the bloody sky drowns her in a myriad of hues.

After battling the demons under her bed

Shards of broken mirror have dissolved in her veins,

Has made her blood sharper than the sword.

As the dewdrops carefully descend on the quivering blades

She emerges triumphant out of the night shade,

The fair lady of time immortal. .

.

.

.This is my first poem that I'm sharing here. Feedback will be appreciated.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Ek0UiFdlCa

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/kWmenKLeYV


r/OCPoetry 1h ago

Feedback Please Proof you are loved

Upvotes

When God molded you from earth.
I see how he paid attention to your eyes.
His fingerprints pressed into each pupil.
Windows befitting your beautiful soul.

When God wove you from the depths.
I see how your beauty could not be told.
Even the creator who spoke the blue marble into being.
Paused; to shape you by hand.

When God wrote you into his book.
I see how he lingered on the lines with your name.
You are loved by others through your dialogues.
How could he not love your monologues as well?

When God created you.
I see how he made you in his image.
You are so loved.
It could not be clearer.

---------

Inspired from Psalms 139(even if you're not religious recommend reading, cool poem).

The poem was written for the girl who was unsure if she was loved.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/P7FNLBvFAu

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Crffko9HH9


r/OCPoetry 2h ago

Feedback Please A Day I Would Lowkey Like To Forget

1 Upvotes

A day that made me look forward,

A day that made me feel positive,

A day that came as late as eternity,

A day that grew my anxiety.

Now it makes me feel disturbed and confused,

As the day has passed,

And I question myself for my stupidity.

It once was a delusional, blurred image,

And now is an unforgettable reality.

As the day has passed,

I wonder if I could ever treat the same day

With the same excitement and pleasure.

A day I would lowkey like to forget.

Hello, its my first time writing a poem. Please do share ur thoughts about it. Thank you for reading!

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/5aLiOuXtiZ

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/UlEnDBGJfn


r/OCPoetry 3h ago

Feedback Please Hope. Less (revised)

1 Upvotes

Why is man's greatest gift life's most painful curse?

Why do I tell myself all is bad when all could be worse?

Why is being worse than ever a comforting form of loss?

It's because the pain of shame numbs when pushed deeper toward that loss.

Perfect marks the centre, controlled and aligned.

The circumference marks liberosis, death and hope intertwined.

That circle being my mental, and outside being the edge.

The edge I long for, its meaning is less dread.

I imagine falling off, having no reason to fight.

In that moment dread slips away, for there is less shame when you cannot imagine flight.

To romanticise this state is how I've spent most nights.

Though I have dreamed of flight, this brings meaningless to life.

No matter how I've numbed my brain, my heart chooses to fight.

This causes conflict.

I fear it will until one last time, I look into that fateful light.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/bgw6vCcNqhhttps://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/Xq1xRJ5uO5


r/OCPoetry 3h ago

Feedback Please You fall more beautifully than you could ever stand

1 Upvotes

Your hands tremble as you land, a crackle followed by a scream

Legs shaking, eyes searching

Meaning, love, help, hope

Are you an equal? Do you stand tall?

Does this cold floor know you? Does your lover know you? Did your mother know you?

Your lungs betray you, your stomach shudders

The lining of your womb thickens, waiting for the child inside to leave

If you beg, will you be forgiven?

Do you deserve heaven? Is this pain yours to have?

Father used to say, women are like squares

They're sharp at every corner, they need to be shaved down, until they're perfect,

Until the radius at each point is equal

Until every dot connects, and goes round and round

Round and round, until you go insane

Salvation is around the corner, so keep running

Running until you fall

-

1

2


r/OCPoetry 4h ago

Feedback Please Broken Road

1 Upvotes

The road, imposing on the horizon,
hideous holes hiding,
Zebra road,
A black abyss with white highlights,
Jagged road,
Road that cracks, splits and cuts,
Bleeding molten tarmac,
Dying road,
Rotting from the inside.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/TRNuO13AR5

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/yyUqj3sMdc


r/OCPoetry 10h ago

Feedback Please Beware of the Spectator.

3 Upvotes

Beware of the spectator.

That watches us all.

Underneath his solemn demeanor

lies a patient, waiting thrall

Just envision him there.

Sitting completely alone

watching you, silently.

not a sound, nor a moan

He doesn't shout or complain.

Doesn't cry when you're in pain.

Only watches day and night

Seeing all your joy, and all your fright

He scatters his little selves around.

Sowing seeds on your mind's ground.

Taking on all forms but his own.

To hide a 'glory' that remains unknown.

A blonde-haired priest, who knew no sin.

An orphaned boy, who had no kin.

A wealthy CEO—a girl at that.

Or a scared teen, in a world gone matte.

Beware of your spectator, their form anew.

He's my writer of none, and reader of few.

Beware your spectator. He does not tire.
Your becoming him is all he'll require.

...

What do you all think the spectator is?

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/jqbva0/comment/oz7s51u/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/ibjhrn/comment/oz7tahe/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 10h ago

Feedback Please One year long lover.

3 Upvotes

I sit beneath the trees
That so graciously
Give me company

The moon shines bright on me
As I think of everything
From one day lovers
Who I haven’t thought
About for summers
Or a one year long lover
Whom now makes me somber

The things I would do
Just to be with you
To look into your eyes
One last time

But all this time You haven’t
paid me much mind
So I sit here beneath these leaves
I beg for lightning to strike me
Or a bear to maul me
Honestly anything beats
thinking about how you
No longer love me.

I long for my year long lover
Underneath this starry light
The stars speak to me
They whisper tonight’s the night
The tide will sweep me
And the moon will be beneath me
When I lay off the golden gate

-I’m just starting out making poetry and feedback Is appreciated.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/JxJTIc7wdj

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/BU4cfRHD0m


r/OCPoetry 15h ago

Feedback Please a clock unwound

6 Upvotes

a clock unwound, undone, uncoiled
someday, somehow, I’ll hear it chime
vast dreams from yesterday, all foiled
somewhere it rings, that echoed rhyme
the yoke drags on through tracts of soil
you toll the knell, I scroll through time

your fears allayed, I had assumed
I’d prise and wrest a thieved reprieve
you stayed ensconced, entrapped, entombed
bisect and cede, to this I cleaved
a visage faded, yet exhumed
such dearth unearthed, I sat bereaved

a house now aged, bricks veiled by vine
the joy, the love, the strained belief
which dulls the glow of this lost shrine
where memories lie on every leaf
the streams won’t flow, the sun won’t shine
all swept away, the grief, the grief

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/4aulfZ5zUt

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/zG13ugZrRT


r/OCPoetry 10h ago

Feedback Please An August Baby, June's Purple Rain

2 Upvotes

Your vision peridot, finally reconciled
Contrast and contradiction above all that has beguiled

Mysterious soul, personality the labyrinth
Sisyphean task to interpret your zenith

Oh Proteus, oh man of the oceans
You put on no show, yet behind you are curtains

You have given in to this world and its motions
I feel you a purple tulip, enclosed in green cages

At an impasse with your opinions
For your heart never engages

Maybe in "la la land" you wouldn't be here and still apart
I'd figure out the brain beyond that stupid side-part

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v3va8h/comment/oz7mozr/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v3va8h/comment/oz7n0gf/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 10h ago

Feedback Please In the real world, I’m nimble and quick

2 Upvotes

In the real world, I’m nimble and quick 
 
In my dreams, she, the girl she’d met long before she met me, and some cruel small man are making me run the lengths of the trails that ran behind our junior high school. 
 
Years ago, when we got far enough for the coach to not notice, we’d stop running, throw our shirts over the fence, and we’d walk in only bras, to make the heat slightly more bearable.  

I remember a few of the conversations we had; I remember her imagining how my life would play out. 
 
I remember one in particular, she told me how she imagined I’d lose my virginity, and it wasn’t perverse or sexual at all, because nothing was yet, being without shirts and speaking crudely meant nothing.

All of it felt so foreign, a year later, a girl in our grade had her first kiss, and we thought it was the strangest thing in the world.

When I had mine, a year after that, I didn’t like it very much, everything has always been dreamlike for me, like I’ve been floating all my life.

Kissing someone, feeling the firmness of their body against mine, was terrible.

I wished to go elsewhere agin, somewhere where everything is intangible and nothing is concrete.

I wished to go somewhere where those trails never ended, where sex doesn’t exist and girls never become women.

In my dream, I can’t run as fast as her and the other girl, which makes no sense at all, because in the real world, I’m nimble and quick. 
 
During cheer practice, I outpace the other girls easily, it’s the only thing I’m good at. 

I can’t dance or cheer well, I was given a critique once that my legs were too long and my arms too thin, I’m too willowy, too lanky. 
 

I imagine my long limbs slipping through the cracks in the gym floor.

Alice through the rabbit hole.
 
I imagine nobody notices when I fall, and maybe I’d end up wherever I end up would look an awful lot like those trails, winding, with the hum of the interstate overlapping with the sound of shrill prepubescent voices. 
 
Maybe I’d be back in my dream, still being outpaced by her, and the girl I never quite liked, and that small, mean little man.  

I can’t accept it, can’t accept that the loss of virginity is not some foreign unknowable concept, surrounded by hushed murmurs of blood and pain that lasts days, I can’t accept that I am never going to go back there.

I can’t accept that I am going to love her and miss her forever, but none of it matters, because at our age, we are supposed to have boyfriends that we love more than our best friends.

I can’t accept what I see in the mirror, though that critique was right, and I am all limbs and often bones, I still see a woman’s body, not a girls, with breasts and hips that go far past the indent of my waist.

I used to starve myself until it all went away.

I stopped bleeding too, my body was a girls again.

But then I got so sad, and I was so tired, and I didn’t laugh, only cried, and she didn’t want me anymore.

I never got her back.
 

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/fPNjWymLBe

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/xxjzI1B4M4


r/OCPoetry 6h ago

Feedback Please MEDITATIONS ON FRYING TOFU

1 Upvotes

On my six months sobriety anniversary,
sometime after I stopped eating my friends—
(the humble cow chewing wheatgrass by the highway,
the red and white chickens pecking around their young)
— I began to sit in the spaces between questions
and do nothing.
When my siblings were ten, they took a raft out on Gander Lake, and drifted
far away from the kids with the hungry glares and dirt on their skin,
who were still somewhere inland,
still pelting rocks at their backs
like little pleas to be heard.
In those little sabbaticals between ruminations,
you are floating on that raft,
yet tethered in place,
like a lotus rooted to the bottom
of a pond teeming with frogs and tiny fish.
The thing about being a Buddhist is
mopping up ashes from the front deck
where you used to smoke.
When my landlady complains,
I press my lips into a smile
and try to keep the light from leaving my eyes.
I come home from a walk on a rainy day
and my throat unleashes a sound
as if from an 80’s slasher,
as if the last girl to die is Grief, Herself.
In the prophecies, everything is sapphire blue,
and when I close my eyes,
the world inverts.
You see, in Buddhism and psychiatry,
delusion is a sin.
And like the good Catholic girl I was,
I’m confessing:
I kiss women with feral leg hair,
and men with soft jawlines
and a penchant for the arts.
The things I don’t know flit at my shoulders
like visiting bluebirds bringing me flowers.
It’s a new month, and I’m no longer Buddhist,
or at least I think so,
and I slip into the velvet darkness
to steal a cigarette.
I can see the moon pregnant with light through my blindfold
and hear the crystalline stars crack.
I imagine my lungs as pink as a baby's dress
while the tofu browns in coconut oil.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/zng2BNVCGy

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/AbG1hQiUpm


r/OCPoetry 7h ago

Feedback Please Forlorn

1 Upvotes

I walk along these markers of a past long superseded,
Pondering these great works that so usurped;
Their power, their vanity,
Their defiance against the beckoning dark.

Their builders who constructed, for their own false edification,
Projects so grand they crack the very earth on which they sit,
Projects which testify to the beliefs of their mortal makers,
And their notions of immortality.

But these giants’ works too will crumble,
As those of their forebears they had caused to crumble,
For no god-being can last forever.

—————————————————————————————

I’m considering changing the last line to ‘For no god-being is eternal.’ and I’m wondering which line people think is better. I’m also curious what people think of the second last line since someone I showed it to found it a bit clunky. And any other feedback is also greatly appreciated :)

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/BvaLwFdfxI

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/OfhDUOqnF9


r/OCPoetry 17h ago

Just Sharing Just A Dress

4 Upvotes

A dress is a simple thing.
Yet it is not.

It is cloth,
yet so much more.
It represents.
It clothes.
It warms.
It protects—sometimes.

It shines.
It glitters.
Sometimes not.

It’s long.
It’s short.
Tight, or flowy, or flouncy.

Is it beautiful,
or is it a cage?
A representation of the past?

Can a dress be anything other than a dress?

Is a woman wearing a dress
a step forward
or a step back?

Is it feminine,
or is it bold?
Is it safe,
or taunting?

When a woman wears a dress,
does it mean she is going back to the home?
Or does it mean
she is simply wearing a dress—
a dress that is beautiful,
something she desires?

A dress is cloth,
fabric,
plastic—
and yet not.

For some,
the representation clouds
the mind.

Such a simple thing—
this dress.

Oh, why can’t it be
just a dress—
something beautiful to wear?

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v3od71/comment/oz5lnqg/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v3s2i6/comment/oz5ggtn/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=2&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 13h ago

Feedback Please The Stars that I see

3 Upvotes

Stars in the night sky,
running from their own orbit,
dazzling stars, scourging my eyes,
jealous stars, judging each other,
radiant stars who shine out of guilt,
roaring stars, shrieking to be extinguished,
irritating stars
who disrupt my dark

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/MowVTA3Gob

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/VkBm4pAwHm


r/OCPoetry 8h ago

Feedback Please The room spins

1 Upvotes

I stand up

I sit back down

The room is spinning

How can I choose? When I love you both?

I can see it’s unfair

You gave up so much for me

Yet I can’t choose you,

wholehearted

 

As I look to my right, you

As I look to my left, I see-

just standing

I see his eyes already semi-resigned

And I knew I couldn’t

fingers point nowhere

Your eyes dim, I see that too

And I couldn’t breathe

I’m paralyzed, my feet stuck to the ground

I look from one end to the other

The room was spinning

Your righteous anger

while in my single digits

articulation not quite there

filter in progress

I really couldn’t choose

I say sorry

I meant it, I still do

Vertigo

I’m on the floor

Room still spinning

I get back up

Brush myself off,

presentable

We don’t talk about that anymore

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v137ys/comment/oz86ozw/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v44ry2/comment/oz87f1q/?context=3&utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button


r/OCPoetry 15h ago

Feedback Please Grief poem - all comments welcome!

3 Upvotes

The sentence that

The sentence that hits a nerve.

The sentence that makes your heart drop.

The sentence that reminds you.

The sentence that makes your brain stop.

The sentence that feels purposeful.

The sentence that you know was an accident.

The sentence that you wonder whether they realised that hurt.

The sentence that still remains prominent.

The sentence that couldn't be helped.

The sentence that could have been avoided.

The sentence that takes you back to a past moment.

The sentence that makes you feel disappointed.

The sentence that makes you angry.

The sentence that makes you want to scream.

The sentence that makes you want to cry.

The sentence that makes you wish this was all a dream.

The sentence that makes you wonder if this will ever hurt less?

The sentence that confirms you are powerless.

-------

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/F6o0dkqEHm

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/s/bWtlwLoJ74


r/OCPoetry 10h ago

Just Sharing light it

1 Upvotes

I don't think

I did this life right.

Can we try again?

Because, I think

I'm ready for this

one to end.

--------------------------

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v3w2ev/comment/oz7pj0d/; https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1v3pqcj/comment/oz7qe0e/