sorry for second post. just to keep things simple.

I don't trust either. If I ever did "work" on my ocd then I want something else?

Is there anything else?

do you think god will forgive people with severe contamination ocd ? its the worst type of ocd. is any one having similar experience ?

I didn't even understand that there was a difference between OCD and OCPD. I wasn't even aware that this was a thing until recently. So someone explain the difference for me? I have standard OCD, and I have a lot of anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and compulsions. I'm driven mad by these intrusive thoughts, and it makes me want to basically just stay drunk 24/27.

Now, I'm going to make an attempt to understand OCPD. OCPD people are basically like the controlling director who's making a movie right? Everything has to be just right, just in place, and this goes for not one small detail should go overlooked. They are regimented, logical, and there's only one right way to do something: there can't be 2 correct ways.

They come off like a regimented military Drill Sargent who is constantly completing tasks and is making sure the floor is scrubbed to perfection. When, they are bored, they clean just for sport. They are constantly cleaning, washing, and scrubbing everything, and they must be control at all times, or nothing will be done right.

Are these basically the main differences?

First time venting here, i’m not opposed to advice:) I can’t enjoy TV shows anymore. Everytime I watch anything, I have to rewind 10 seconds over and over and over to make sure I know exactly what was said. For example a character might say “that’s a yellow car” and suddenly i’m questioning whether they said “That’s or that is” in reality IDGAF which which one it was, but my brain forces me to rewind and make sure I know what exactly was said or i’ll freak out and feel like i’m gonna die if I don’t do it / panic attack.

I’ve tried ignoring it but I genuinely can’t. And if I try to ignore it, ill begin thinking that the longer I ignore it for, the more annoying it’ll be when i inevitably can’t take it anymore and have to reverse all the way back to the scene. I don’t want to do it but I have to, it pains me everytime to the point I get angry and just give up. And once i realise what exactly was said, I start repeating the sentence in my head over and over to not forget it and if i do forget I need to go back again, which then leads to me being distracted from the show..

It’s exhausting and i really can’t enjoy any media nowadays because of this. I’m wondering if anyone else experiences this, would be nice to know i’m not the only one. I can’t enjoy watching shows around friends or partners, because I don’t want to annoy them.

Sorry for how long this rant was.. FYI I’m not diagnosed with OCD, but i definitely have my suspicions.. Also sorry if the grammar is poor, I wrote this in a fit of rage haha.

TLDR: everytime i watch a show, I have to rewind 10 seconds over and over to ensure I heard the exact words said, and rehearse them in my head and it completely ruins watching shows for me.

First ever reddit post, bare with me here.

I’ve had intrusive thoughts and have been browsing reddit for years about hobbies, somehow I’ve never thought to look up mental illnesses to find other people who experience stuff similar to what I do, my themes have revolved mostly over harming closes ones, and I’m sitting here crying because I’m not alone.

I feel like an imposter since I just have a generalized anxiety disorder diagnosis but I’m currently waiting for further therapy for intrusive thoughts. Still wanted to thank all the kind and brave souls who post their story here.

I wish that I could trust the people in my life. I want to be able to listen to my parents, friends, partner, colleagues, etc., and not go into detective mode and obsess over what I perceive as inconsistencies. My OCD keeps telling me everyone is out to get me, that everything I’m told is all a lie told by a loved one for some ulterior motive, that no one really loves me, and that I’m actually a burden and/or joke to all. I know this isn’t true, but it feels so real all the god damn time that I have a hard time being fully comfortable around anyone. I want to trust the people in my life, but I always have this voice in the back of my mind telling me that I shouldn’t, that I’ll get hurt if I do. It’s a nightmare.

I think I would be more content with the idea of death if I wasnt scared that I am going to hell. Also I would be more forgiving of my past and live in present moment if I knew that I am not going to hell.

Are there actual steps I can take to truly stop being scared of hell?

I am not religious those are just thoughts I have in my mind that are written in it. Just Like "if you dont do this you will die" But worse.

It literally sucks when your intrusive thoughts aren't just toward you. Like when it's not just "Do people like me or are they pretending? Am I really doing good at my job or do they just say that?" and you get stuck in the loop. When it comes after a loved one - that's the shit I can't stand.

Why does it have me replaying the worst day of my husband's life over and over again in my head? How difficult the situation was and how I could barely do anything to help it. We overcame it together, but my OCD has me hanging on like "What if he's really not okay? What if something like that happens again? Will you be strong enough to handle another setback?"

It sucks so much. I honestly can't stand when it does that. 🙄

I’m afraid of my HR rising outside in the summer, heat stroke, heat exhaustion. For my children I’m fearful of it being way too hot on them outside. Went outside for hours this week and it was nerve racking as hell but I did it. Really hot day but I did it!

This is my biggest mental compulsion right now. It’s causing me to stay inside the house. I finally went out for drinks with a date Saturday and ever since then I’ve been bed ridden with the fear I was recorded and now I’m on the internet somewhere. Its been over a year of this persistent thought. It’s fueled by the things I have done while drinking. Alcohol is the only thing that gives me relief from my thoughts but then it is far far worse after. I also take Xanax to help with the anxiety and the combination obviously leads to memory loss which causes me to torture myself with scenarios. I’m rambling at this point but I feel like going through this cycle over and over has made me feel so defeated. Im in therapy and have been off and on meds throughout the years. I have an appointment today for an IOP type of treatment plan I hope this will be all over soon

Does anyone else have an issue with using public hand soap dispensers in restrooms? But when they’re at home they wash their hands like crazy? The thought of the public and a bunch of snotty kids touching them makes me want to cry so I avoid them but often bring my own hand sanitizer or soap with me instead. I just did EMDR and ERP with these thoughts and I want to cry. Talking about it is so embarrassing.

(note : it was originally a single question, then It kinda turned into a vent. It's now more like a list of questions, which I hope fits the tag)

Do also your (ocd driven) thoughts feel physically uncomfortable? Like my head is being squished or wishing I could rip the thought off like I would rip my skin.

It is a weird and very unique sensation. Before experimenting ocd I would never know it feels so physically uncomfortable.

That's how I know these thoughts will lead to a compulsion. It's so specific.

Sometimes I really wonder if I have ocd because I stop feeling this, and no longer the daily background discomfort.

Today I asked myself this question, because I lowered my adhd meds for a week (or less time tbh) and it correlated with the absence of OCD noise. I will not talk about my thoughts about methylphenidate and this to avoid misinformation (+ it was a false theory because →).

Then, this sensation got me from nowhere.

I only wish it doesn't get worse (by frequency, intensity or longevity)

(that could be my second question. Is there a typical OCD progression route ?)

Sometimes I give into something that I know will turn into a time consuming torture (my compulsion I guess). It seems so inoffensive!!! And it's a trap, because the moment I do it the difficulty to stop increases expodentially! I tell myself that I can stop it until it becomes physically impossible!

Which leads to a third question, do your moments of compulsion (I think it was this) feels like your mind is physically stuck in your head ?

It's just horrible and consumes so much of my time and energy !!! (1, or 2 if I am lucky to 6h which is rare, it's more like 4~5h. That's an absurd amount of time but ocd is not about logic. My day literally fades when it happens). It physically feels like a torture !!! :(

I try to force myself to stop but it's way easier to prevent it then getting out of this "hole" (I know brute force will make things worse, but idk what to do)

I will stop here, because my OCD precisely involves writing!!! I will instead ask a last question that will stay in touch with everything I initially wanted to write.

What exactly qualifies a compulsion?

I’m current hyper fixated on themes related to religion, end times, and aliens. I’m in a constant state of thinking about my “beliefs”. Monitoring things for signs of end times. You name it. It’s truly miserable and I’m finding it difficult to find help.