I’ve been a nanny for about 5 years, and in my previous nanny jobs, if the family was ordering food or getting coffee, I was usually offered something. I never expected it or felt entitled to it, but it was generally something that happened naturally.
My current family eats out constantly, often multiple times a day. They also frequently order coffee. I’ve casually mentioned that I like coffee, and there have been multiple times where they’ll talk to me about the food or drinks they’re ordering and I’ll say something like, “Oh, I like that too,” but they’ve never offered to get me anything.
When I interviewed, they actually asked if there were any snacks I wanted them to keep in the house for me. At the time, I wasn’t sure if I was going to get the job, so I said I would have to think about it. Since being hired, they’ve never brought it up again. I also do grocery shopping for the household sometimes, so it feels a little strange that they’ve never asked if there’s anything I would like them to keep around for me.
The only time they have ever offered me food was when they had guests over. They were offering food to the other people there, and because I happened to be in the room, they offered me something too. I had already eaten and said no, but I honestly found it weird that this was the only time they had ever offered me anything. It made me feel like I was only included because someone else was there.
I know this probably sounds incredibly petty, and I genuinely don’t expect my employers to feed me. I bring my own food to work and have no problem doing that. It’s more the fact that they eat out so frequently and have never once thought to ask if I might want something. Sometimes they’ll order food, leave all the bags and containers in the kitchen, and I’ll end up cleaning it up because I’m already cleaning the kitchen anyway. That part especially bothers me because I go above and beyond with things around the house simply because I like a clean environment and want to be helpful.
I think the bigger issue is that I feel invisible to them in general. I really value having a close relationship with my nanny families and feeling like I’m part of the household in some way. I feel like I’m always the one asking about them, asking follow-up questions, and trying to engage in conversation. They rarely ask about me or seem curious about my life unless I volunteer information myself.
To be clear, in other ways they are professional and respectful. They pay me properly and on time, respect my working hours, and acknowledge that I work really well with their child. I don’t have major complaints about the job itself. That’s almost why this bothers me so much. I feel like I’m treated well professionally, but not necessarily like a person they’re interested in getting to know or including.
I think what’s bothering me is less the actual food and more what it makes me question about how they view me. Am I overthinking this, or would other nannies also find this dynamic a little strange?