Ok don’t yell at me please. I’m pretty sure I’ve done something stupid.

I’ve been working for this family full-time for almost 4 years now. During this time they have only asked me to stay overnight for one night about two years ago and they did pay me an overnight fee. Our contract does not specify anything about this because it has never come up.

About two weeks ago, the mother asked me if I would be willing to take one of their children to my hometown city for a summer camp experience. I would stay with that child overnight at a hotel (sharing a king bed) for three nights. I will be dropping her off at Camp in the morning and picking her up in the evening.

In the past, the parents have been very good at compensating me for extra effort. One example of this is that I cook for parties that they throw and they give me a couple hundred dollars in return. We never discussed that extra compensation, the mom just added it to my paycheck at the end of the month.

When they asked me to bring their child to my hometown I automatically said yes because it sounded like fun! I love the little girl and I would be able to see my family while she was at camp. I just assumed that I would be paid extra, at least an overnight fee… I don’t need this trip, in reality I already have plans to go back there next month and it’s only a 3 hour train ride away.

Here’s what’s made me nervous:

Yesterday, the Dad texted me asking if I would like to accompany him and the children on a fishing trip this weekend. He added that this invitation was a friendly invitation and would not be paid. I declined the invitation as I had plans but now I’m worried that lines have been blurred and I might not be compensated outside of my regular pay when I take their child out of state next week.

Is there a way to ask the mom about her plans of additional compensation without making this super awkward? Have I just made my bed and now have to lie in it if they were never planning on paying me extra? Im willing to take this as a loss if necessary and just decline to do anything similar again. Am I just spiraling? After 4 years of being treated fairly it seems ridiculous that I’m worried now..

When the infant is napping and all household tasks are complete, would NF prefer a nanny to be using the phone or reading a book?

My nanny recently got scan results that prompted her doctor to refer her to an oncologist and recommend a biopsy. She told me today that she might need 3 weeks of for treatment -- ok, fine, we understand, we'll figure it out....

But then, after a little more conversation, she reveals she is so scared of chemotherapy that she has not made an appointment with an oncologist and she will not get a biopsy, this "treatment" is something homeopathic frequency treatment that requires daily application for 6-8 hours a day, for 3 weeks, given by someone who is definitely not a doctor.

I can't force my nanny to get medical care (she has stated that she would prefer to die than get chemo), though I'm certainly going to try.

If she was actually *getting* chemo or a surgery or radiation, we would figure out backup care and how to navigate any changes in capabilities. But she's not.

I'm just not certain how to navigate this as an employer.

I got invited last minute to be a travel nanny for this family I’ve never met. Their assistant found my Facebook post and had me send over my resume and references. The mom called and sounded nice said they are going to aspen for two weeks and their current nanny cannot make it and they need a last minute step in. They said their current nanny is actually going to be leaving and as they reside close to me this may be a permanent position once they get back home. It’s next Sunday to August 9th. Super last minute and I’m scared what if they are mean? What if they are great and I miss out on an amazing opportunity? It’s for one child 19 months old. Has anyone traveled last minute with a family before? I have been wanting a high net worth position and this might be my chance but I’m also scared I will be meeting them for the first time at the airport

Hello all, this is my first Reddit post. Please be easy on me lol. I have taken a 10 year hiatus from nannying for 10 years to go to esthetician school and attempt to grow my business during the pandemic. I reside in Florida but am originally from New York and am trying to get out of an abusive relationship where I can be independent and use my nannying skills to make a secure living. My esthetician work is no longer a survivable option sadly. I am a very young, active, healthy 40 year old with a plethora of experience. Most of my previous NP’s I would be able to contact but not 100% sure for a reference as I’m not sure a couple of the phone numbers are still accurate. I also have many other professional references. I am passionate about nannying and have 10 years under my belt as well as a lifetime of raising my much younger siblings and cousins but do not have early childhood ed experience. I did go to private school in NY and have some college education from a private catholic university in the tri-state area. I have ran my own esthetics business for 10 years and am extremely organized, value hard work, professionalism, excellent intrapersonal skills, and punctuality above all else. I was also raised by someone very high up in local nyc government affaires and high level security. I am extremely familiar with nyc and was raised to be street smart. I think my question is would I have any shot in hell at getting a live-in position or a ROTA position with my gap in experience through a high level agency anywhere in the US (NYC preferred). Making preferably$80,000-$100,000+. I truly appreciate all honest answers and have a super thick skin! I’m just scared of trying and getting met with no because of lack of current experience. Any help is wonderful! Thank you all. ✌️💕

How bad would this look? I’m so burnt out. I’ve never done this, but basically my NP’s are in the med field and MB will have days where she’s post-call. She usually wont have to work, but may get called in (she said she probably won’t) and lets me know at like 5:30AM. Yesterday as I was leaving she told me that DB would be late so I had to keep NK3 home from school (I usually have him twice a week bc exhausting with hours/they want him in school) with NK10mo. I’ve been awake since 5AM, didn’t get off until a little after 6PM and my 40 min drive turned into almost 2 hrs due to a ‘standoff’ on I-75. I won’t be home until about 8PM. I’m getting gas and about to sob lol. I love my family, but it’s a lot and bc I love them I do ample activities with the kiddos/work hard as heck. 😭 I don’t take time off very often at all - if ever. Would it be unprofessional to ask to take PTO if I’m not needed tomorrow? Usually I’ll go in late (11-12), MB will shop or whatever and then grab NK3 from school. So I’m there for maybe 4 hrs or less! So it feels silly and last minute, but just the commute and the exhausted dreadful feeling I’m having rn is beating everything. Thanks guys.

You get in the car and your phone starts playing schoolhouse rock.

Hi! I’ve been working with the same family for a long time (multiple years). Been with this kid since he was born. Not sure if I did something wrong but I have a really hard time dealing with him. Feels like the behavior is kicking up particularly hard now over the summer. Lots of chirping (negative things about me, how he hates me, I’m stupid, etc). He has a very hard time cooperating with me although I am calm and compromising. Like he will not do anything - won’t tell me where he wants to go that morning, what he wants for lunch, if I ask him to do it, whether or not it happens is basically up to his mood. He categorically does not want to talk to resolve things (this is my primary intervention). Idk if he lacks the ability to do this? He is 5 but I know everyone is different. It seems like he only does this to me. Parents are unhelpful (obviously!). I’ve heard a few times this is a boy thing (I just find that hard to believe but maybe I’m wrong). for other reasons, I have found a different position and it’s starting in a month. Is it worth it to try and resolve some of this before I leave? Or do I just keep my head down and push forward even though I feel seriously concerned about my relationship with this child. I don’t think he’s bad, I just think he’s going through something I don’t understand. I definitely put up firm limits with him and have lost a lot of patience with him at this point. Has anyone dealt with this before?

I have about 13 years of professional nanny experience and excellent references.
A family in Riverside/Greenwich, CT asked me to do an trial tomorrow from 4–7 p.m. They have two children and mentioned they typically pay $33/hour for experienced babysitters but agreed to $35/hour for me.
I’m curious what other professional nannies and babysitters in this area would charge.
Is $35/hour fair for Fairfield County/Greenwich, or would you typically charge $40+ with my level of experience?
Just trying to get a sense of the going rate in this market. Thanks!

Hello everyone! Long time lurker, first time poster. So I’m having a big dilemma. So today I took my two NKs (6 and 8, boys)the neighborhood gated off pool to play naturally as six-year-olds do he ended up throwing a temper tantrum over a pool toy, and it ended up getting so bad that he tried to run out of the gates of the pool out into the street to run home. Obviously, at that point, I decided to leave and he kept on fighting back saying that he just wanted to walk home and I ended up having to grab him by his swim shirt and wrangle him to the car, as he was screeching and flailing. I don’t play about safety when I work, and that was the most unsafe situation a child has EVER put me in. I’m pretty sure I have decided that tomorrow I’m going to put my two weeks in because of the situation and that I can’t trust that this kid won’t put me in a situation where he could get seriously hurt on my watch again, that’s such a liability issue. They’re normally pretty difficult kids but today cross the line. Am I justified in putting in my two weeks tomorrow or should I stay?

Hi I just wanted to come on here and ask for advice on how I should go about this situation or if I’m just overthinking this.

So I work for surgeons and I’m almost always working 6-6 and they only see their kids(2) maybe about 30min until they put them to bed for bedtime. And they’re on call most weekends so either I come in or they have someone else come in if I’m not available. So I’ve been observing my NK (T3) and I’ve noticed he’s always had behavioral issues. I’m just worried that this might be something he has to go to a specialist or therapist for because I feel like now it’s going to the point where he’s just not kind at all or even wants to be kind. He’s been aggressive even after his sister was born. He’s been very aggressive towards her to the point he laughs when she’s hurt or any kid at that. He always says mean things about everyone like “I don’t want to share” “I want them to go away” “I want such and such to never come back” he always also wants to decide for everyone and always says things like “he doesn’t want to play with my toys””he or she doesn’t want water or to eat” “he or she hates playing with me” etc. He would say he wants to put his sister in the oven and says he’s going to k*ll or wants to and that’s when I immediately told his parents but they just seem to not want to take it seriously and say he probably meant it as kissing or doesn’t know what it is so I feel like maybe I’m just over reacting since they are ped surgeons. I feel like he’s very smart for his age and he knows what he says because he’s said to me the oven is hot and his sister needs to go in there to get hurt. So I know he knows what can happen. Whenever we go places he’s always being aggressive if a kid gets by him and he likes to only be on his own. I hosted a birthday party for his sister one time and he went to the living room to play by himself instead of the playroom area where everyone was celebrating and playing games. I’ve made a folder on my phone documenting things he does that bring a concern to me or a red flag he might be on the spectrum or have some type of behavioral disorder because everyday is a tantrum and he always says he doesn’t want to calm down he wants to be bad and sad. If it’s not a bribe with a matchbox car he won’t be nice or kind. Anytime I ask him to be gentle he doesn’t want to and says he likes being mean and that he doesn’t have to be kind. I just want to know how to go about this or if this is normal for a toddler his age to do? I’ve been nannying for years but never a case like this where no matter what I read up on or try to do like deep breaths or time out or cuddling or support he chooses to hit me scream in my face with no type of control because he says he doesn’t want to be nice. I know it also has a lot to do that he doesn’t see his parents so that’s why I don’t know how to go about this or talk with his parents in a very serious manner. Like what do I say to them even after already documenting everything and writing it down in their everyday journal?

Hi friends!
I’ve been a professional nanny for around 5-6 years (28y/o female). I love it but want to go into a career that offers healthcare, PTO, etc.
I have an unrelated bachelors degree (performing arts).
I’ve thought about going into multiple avenues still including kids (Speech therapy assistant, daycare director…)
Lately I’ve been looking into getting my CLC certification, childbirth education certification, & becoming a pediatric CPR teacher— my goal is working in private doula/midwife/birthing practices.

Has anyone had success in this? Or, does anyone have any recommendations for a career path?

Thank you in advance!!

Looking for advice! I'm a former nanny now nanny employer with an 8-month-old. I have been their primary caretaker up until a few weeks ago, when our part time nanny started. The first couple days were great, but on we'll two, my baby started crying hysterically when I handed them over to the nanny and basically has spent every hour of care crying.

It's heartbreaking to listen to, it makes it really hard for my spouse and I to work (we both WFH), and I feel terrible for our nanny! He is doing everything right and trying his hardest to soothe our kid, but our kid is just not having it.

Does anyone have tips for easing this transition? I just don't know what to do.

Why do parents never respect end time??? Even when in my interviews I specifically mention I am a human and need to be leaving at my end time not 5-10-20 mins later because parents walk in at end time and want to talk about the day after.

Genuinely may just be me and my OCD but I value my time and I just worked with your kid for 8.5 hrs and would like to go home???

I just think it’s so disrespectful 😭

So I started with this family recently and I'm so close to walking out. They keep the air at 76° and keep walking in and making the baby cry from separation anxiety and getting mad at me saying I'm not doing enough to make him stop even though I DID EVERYTHING!! he's also teething and barely knows me since I've been gone all week. They also keep waking him so he's gotten no sleep. He is 7mo and only allowed 30min-1hr naps. I have a list of things to get done and barely have time to eat or drink water. They've said I don't wear him out enough for naps. Mind you I did tummy time, read him book, sang to him, took him outside, fed him, and gave him a bath. I'm going crazy but need a job. They only pay $20hr which is 5 below what I charge for one kid and I have a 40 minute commute. I'm so desperate for a job and about to file for bankruptcy. Also let me know any other side gigs all do because I'm over this. Allssooo they want him to eat with a spoon and hands on his own with no help

I am just so frustrated with my job. I work for a nanny agency as a floater where I get sent shifts. I was hired under the idea I’d get full time hours and that hasn’t been the case. It’s been so annoying and so hard and I finally caved and found a nanny family. I start the first week of August. I’m very excited as this is a family I’ve floated with before and I’m ready to just have a consistent schedule and work with people that like me.

These next two weeks until I start I’m with this family that’s driving me crazy. MB texted me this morning (while I was here) and told me she wouldn’t need me tmr. Technically per agency policy that’s not allowed and she’d need to pay me anyways but I really need a break and I didn’t even press it I was just like okay no worries! And then I texted my mom and made plans with her and made plans with another friend. 3 hours later she comes to me in person and was like oh actually can you work 2 hours tmr I have an appt. I was caught very off guard and I was just like oh maybe I have plans with my mom now and I think we have reservations. I plan to text her when I get home and be like yes we do have reservations so I wouldn’t be available during that time.

But I’m scared because I am technically scheduled to work. I am just so done. I really need tmr off and I feel like I can barely stand to even come in the next two weeks. I need like 16 hours for my budget and I’m scheduled for over 40. I really would rather just back out fully and find someone to babysit for on Facebook for 2 days or something. The shifts are so awkward with this family because they have three Nannie’s including me for 2 kids and also the mom stays home. It feels like I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing because everyone else here is a regular and anytime I try to help I feel like it’s wrong. It’s so mentally tiring and makes the days feel so so long.

Idk basically I’m just ranting because I’ve been struggling so much with this job.

I have been with a family for a little over a year as a 40+ hour a week nanny and house manager. It has been very hard work. After being diagnosed with fibromyalgia, pots, and HEDS, I need to retire due to chronic pain. I’m in my late 40s. Both parents are physicians and I don’t want to have to disclose too much personal info. How would you word your discussion/ letter of resignation? I am dreading this because I know it is going to be so hard on them to find another nanny. It just sucks on both ends.
Thanks for your advice!

I posted a few days ago about how I hated my current nanny jobs and I got so much helpful advice so now I’m wondering where to find good nanny jobs? I feel like everywhere I look parents are offering $15 an hour which is just way too low. I’m in Utah so I’m not sure if that changes things? I have 6 years of experience and think I’m worth at least $18 an hour lol, any advice would be helpful!! Thanks!

Hey all! I work for a great family, but the 4 year old has become so frustrating. I dread going to work. When I first started she was 2 and an an only child (mom was expecting). She was a super easy kid, smart and sweet. Ever since baby sister was born it's all downhill. It's not just baby sister that is behind the behavior issues, it's also normal milestones as they start recognizing their independence and free will.

She does not share, listen or follow directions. She is about 98% impluse and 2% rational action. She spends all day pulling toys away from her sister because she can't stand to share. It's a game to do the opposite of what I say. Go wash your hands means run away and wipe them on the couch. Don't hit means hit harder. She's smart and smart kids are the most challenging. She hits and kicks when it's nap time. She grins at me when she misbehaves. "Isn't this fun?"

The problem is that the parents' method of discipline is time outs. It's pointless. She gets up, runs away, gets toys. I restart the timer a million times and it's just a fun game for her. There is no healthy respect for authority. She doesn't care about consequences because there are none that she fears.

My question is this - do you have any creative methods of discipline that actually work and don't violate the whole (ineffective, imo) gentle parenting method of child rearing? I am so glad I am from an older generation who demanded respect from their kids.

Thanks in advance for any tricks you may want to share!

Hi yall…very rare but I’m kind of stuck in a bad situation for the next month or so and could use some advice! I’m this lil guys first caregiver outside of grandparents for some context.

This kid is very cute but oh em gee. If I so much as pretend to pick him up with his parents around he screams. If his parents say goodbye and leave the room for the whole day he just screams. With a rare day of being chill. Doesn’t really make anything better when he knows one of his parents is somewhere in the apartment. This still happens 2 weeks in.

On top of this, his mom has told me they stopped contact naps months ago (11m) and she wants me to get him in his crib or even just on their bed for nap. He doesn’t transfer at all anymore. I got him down for maybe 4 crib naps all together (which ofc only lasts 25 mins as i’m sure you’ve assumed these people aren’t sleep training yet) but now if i even move my hands to try to put him down he will wake up and scream so I’ve been doing contact naps and his mom brings it up every time i do. Every transition also means screaming. Diapers, going outside, coming inside, waking up, going to sleep, getting the high chair, eating food, getting a bottle, finishing a bottle…like EVERY THING.

So my questions are…how on earth am I supposed to get this kid in his crib with no tears?? also any rare tips on separation anxiety when the parents just culturally aren’t trusting of others? (Southern Asians) It took me a good 7 days to convince them that they don’t need to come out everytime he cries for more than a minute or 2 so he’s been conditioned to know crying gets what he wants eventually which makes it all worse ofc lol

Hi! I (25f) am a nanny to two girls, 4 and 7. I’ve been working for the family roughly 15 hours/week for about 10 months now. The last two months, the 4 year old girl has had pretty significant behavioral changes toward me.

During the school year, I spent the majority of my hours with the 4 year old alone while the 7 year old was at school. Since the start of summer, I watch both girls pretty much 100% of the time. The 4 year old and I had a great relationship before, calm days, with her expressing her love for me daily (literally saying “I love you,” haha).

About two months ago, I noticed some changes. I witnessed my first several “toddler tantrums” from her, scream sobbing and all the usual. There are times where she sticks her tongue out at me and spits when I say something she doesn’t like, she frequently ignores me/pretends she doesn’t hear me when I ask her to follow the rules or stop doing something that her mom disapproves of, says things like “I don’t have to listen to you” or “this is my house not yours.” I’ve tried to regulate by keeping a neutral/calm tone, saying things like “I talk to you with kindness and treat you nice, can we both try to be nice and kind to each other?” Or saying “when you do XYZ, it hurts my feelings. Can we try to be kind to each other?” During her tantrums, I tell her that I’ll let her feel her big feelings and she can come talk to me when she’s ready (she often screams “leave me alone” in these moments).

Yesterday, she ignored me when I asked her to stop doing something, again. The behavior escalated as she started fighting with her older sister (physically fighting over a shared object), and spiraled into her falling over after I tried to intervene by standing in between the two. At this point, my anxiety is escalating and I feel myself less regulated during these incidents. I’ve gently informed the nanny mom of the behavior the last several times I watch them, but I’m starting to feel anxious that I’ll be replaced if I keep reporting bad behavior every time. I have an excellent relationship with the family, and truly want to find a way to work through this. Part of me thinks that it might be a result of the nannying time being shared vs solo time with me. I go back again today, and have a loose plan to bring a fun activity with me to reset.

I’m looking for any advice on the situation. I’ve talked with the nanny mom, and she says that the 4 year old has had trouble listening to her and the dad lately as well, so I don’t think the behavior is isolated to me. I feel awkward continuing to talk about her daughter’s treatment of me. I’m not looking for the girls to be absolute angels, I know that’s not realistic. I just need some help with ways I can regulate myself/not feel so frustrated during these moments, as well as approaches I can take to hopefully regulate this behavior. I appreciate you listening!

B23 months loves The Lion King and says, “Coo coo Tata, no worries!”

I got a text from my NF during the weekend. The 3 girls will be in school full time starting August 17th and mom will be taking care of them in the afternoons. Which is great, they need family time. I adore these girls. They have taught me so much and we love each other. I’m sure this won’t be goodbye forever. And I’m honestly pretty burnt out.
That gives me a month to find another job. But I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to do next. And I think I desperately need to switch careers.
I’m getting my certification to be a Spanish Medical Interpreter. I don’t think I’ll be done on time. But maybe I could find one time jobs here and there until I’m ready to start.
I’m just so scared to start over! And it feels nostalgic already. But the thought of a new family and the adaptation process makes me so much more anxious.
I’ve enjoyed my years as a nanny. And I’ve loved so many kids. But I just can’t keep doing it.
Maybe this is the push that I need. And maybe it’ll be better in the long run.
I’m grateful for everything I’ve learned and experienced as a nanny. And I hope to see my girls again in the future.

Hi there! I need advice from the Bay Area parents and Nannies I don’t want to be taken advantage of again.

I’ve been a nanny/babysitter for about 3 years now, 1 years as a live in ages 2, 5, and 7 where I was left alone with them for weeks at a time due to single mom being in the military. Managed EVERYTHING completely independently that was related to them and the household besides mom’s schedule.
Now I’m looking at a job offer in the Bay where they want me to give them my desired salary. Same ages 2, 5, 7. Id be handling some household chores (kids laundry, clean up, dishes, cooking here and there etc) with drop off and pickup here and there in my car, and the 2yr old would be with me all day. They seem like a lovely family and have had Nannie’s before they moved as well so they’re not new to this.

They want me to give them a weekly salary, on a payroll system. My question is what’s reasonable for the Bay Area in the 510 area. I’m ok with being a little cheaper, but I don’t want to be underestimating myself either. I find that I am a people pleaser and it’s hard for me to ask for what I’m worth. It’s a big job I’ve done it before when I was 19 and naive, and I’m terrified of getting stuck again. Any tips or things I should bring up in the contract? Thank you in advance!!
Edit: long hours, 48ish a week

My MB just lost her great grandmother last week and now her mom is in the ER for how she’s been acting. She confessed to me that she’s worried she’ll lose her. Is there anything I can give her to help her through this?