My nanny recently got scan results that prompted her doctor to refer her to an oncologist and recommend a biopsy. She told me today that she might need 3 weeks of for treatment -- ok, fine, we understand, we'll figure it out....

But then, after a little more conversation, she reveals she is so scared of chemotherapy that she has not made an appointment with an oncologist and she will not get a biopsy, this "treatment" is something homeopathic frequency treatment that requires daily application for 6-8 hours a day, for 3 weeks, given by someone who is definitely not a doctor.

I can't force my nanny to get medical care (she has stated that she would prefer to die than get chemo), though I'm certainly going to try.

If she was actually *getting* chemo or a surgery or radiation, we would figure out backup care and how to navigate any changes in capabilities. But she's not.

I'm just not certain how to navigate this as an employer.

Why do parents never respect end time??? Even when in my interviews I specifically mention I am a human and need to be leaving at my end time not 5-10-20 mins later because parents walk in at end time and want to talk about the day after.

Genuinely may just be me and my OCD but I value my time and I just worked with your kid for 8.5 hrs and would like to go home???

I just think it’s so disrespectful 😭

How bad would this look? I’m so burnt out. I’ve never done this, but basically my NP’s are in the med field and MB will have days where she’s post-call. She usually wont have to work, but may get called in (she said she probably won’t) and lets me know at like 5:30AM. Yesterday as I was leaving she told me that DB would be late so I had to keep NK3 home from school (I usually have him twice a week bc exhausting with hours/they want him in school) with NK10mo. I’ve been awake since 5AM, didn’t get off until a little after 6PM and my 40 min drive turned into almost 2 hrs due to a ‘standoff’ on I-75. I won’t be home until about 8PM. I’m getting gas and about to sob lol. I love my family, but it’s a lot and bc I love them I do ample activities with the kiddos/work hard as heck. 😭 I don’t take time off very often at all - if ever. Would it be unprofessional to ask to take PTO if I’m not needed tomorrow? Usually I’ll go in late (11-12), MB will shop or whatever and then grab NK3 from school. So I’m there for maybe 4 hrs or less! So it feels silly and last minute, but just the commute and the exhausted dreadful feeling I’m having rn is beating everything. Thanks guys.

EDIT: I nannied for this family 2021-2024 but 2024-now I am their babysitter (1x/month).

They’ll tell me “there’s food for dinner/lunch in the Tupperware in the fridge” and it’s just 1 kids serving. I bring my own food now but when I didn’t at first, I’d eat eggs because that’s all there was.

Parents eat out and don’t eat with the kid so it’s mostly or sometimes entirely food for the kid in the fridge and pantry.

I’m not looking for a solution. I know the solution is to bring my own food. I’m just wondering if this is typical or not?

Also, is it normal to be expected to work at the same rate for 4 years?

Thanks in advance.

You get in the car and your phone starts playing schoolhouse rock.

Ok don’t yell at me please. I’m pretty sure I’ve done something stupid.

I’ve been working for this family full-time for almost 4 years now. During this time they have only asked me to stay overnight for one night about two years ago and they did pay me an overnight fee. Our contract does not specify anything about this because it has never come up.

About two weeks ago, the mother asked me if I would be willing to take one of their children to my hometown city for a summer camp experience. I would stay with that child overnight at a hotel (sharing a king bed) for three nights. I will be dropping her off at Camp in the morning and picking her up in the evening.

In the past, the parents have been very good at compensating me for extra effort. One example of this is that I cook for parties that they throw and they give me a couple hundred dollars in return. We never discussed that extra compensation, the mom just added it to my paycheck at the end of the month.

When they asked me to bring their child to my hometown I automatically said yes because it sounded like fun! I love the little girl and I would be able to see my family while she was at camp. I just assumed that I would be paid extra, at least an overnight fee… I don’t need this trip, in reality I already have plans to go back there next month and it’s only a 3 hour train ride away.

Here’s what’s made me nervous:

Yesterday, the Dad texted me asking if I would like to accompany him and the children on a fishing trip this weekend. He added that this invitation was a friendly invitation and would not be paid. I declined the invitation as I had plans but now I’m worried that lines have been blurred and I might not be compensated outside of my regular pay when I take their child out of state next week.

Is there a way to ask the mom about her plans of additional compensation without making this super awkward? Have I just made my bed and now have to lie in it if they were never planning on paying me extra? Im willing to take this as a loss if necessary and just decline to do anything similar again. Am I just spiraling? After 4 years of being treated fairly it seems ridiculous that I’m worried now..

I’ve been a nanny for about 5 years, and in my previous nanny jobs, if the family was ordering food or getting coffee, I was usually offered something. I never expected it or felt entitled to it, but it was generally something that happened naturally.

My current family eats out constantly, often multiple times a day. They also frequently order coffee. I’ve casually mentioned that I like coffee, and there have been multiple times where they’ll talk to me about the food or drinks they’re ordering and I’ll say something like, “Oh, I like that too,” but they’ve never offered to get me anything.

When I interviewed, they actually asked if there were any snacks I wanted them to keep in the house for me. At the time, I wasn’t sure if I was going to get the job, so I said I would have to think about it. Since being hired, they’ve never brought it up again. I also do grocery shopping for the household sometimes, so it feels a little strange that they’ve never asked if there’s anything I would like them to keep around for me.

The only time they have ever offered me food was when they had guests over. They were offering food to the other people there, and because I happened to be in the room, they offered me something too. I had already eaten and said no, but I honestly found it weird that this was the only time they had ever offered me anything. It made me feel like I was only included because someone else was there.

I know this probably sounds incredibly petty, and I genuinely don’t expect my employers to feed me. I bring my own food to work and have no problem doing that. It’s more the fact that they eat out so frequently and have never once thought to ask if I might want something. Sometimes they’ll order food, leave all the bags and containers in the kitchen, and I’ll end up cleaning it up because I’m already cleaning the kitchen anyway. That part especially bothers me because I go above and beyond with things around the house simply because I like a clean environment and want to be helpful.

I think the bigger issue is that I feel invisible to them in general. I really value having a close relationship with my nanny families and feeling like I’m part of the household in some way. I feel like I’m always the one asking about them, asking follow-up questions, and trying to engage in conversation. They rarely ask about me or seem curious about my life unless I volunteer information myself.

To be clear, in other ways they are professional and respectful. They pay me properly and on time, respect my working hours, and acknowledge that I work really well with their child. I don’t have major complaints about the job itself. That’s almost why this bothers me so much. I feel like I’m treated well professionally, but not necessarily like a person they’re interested in getting to know or including.

I think what’s bothering me is less the actual food and more what it makes me question about how they view me. Am I overthinking this, or would other nannies also find this dynamic a little strange?

And I’m not talking about little board books but full out stories.

I found out tonight at a babysitting gig that after 11 years of reading the book to children I have The Lorax completely memorized. I feel like I want to add this to my resume.

Hello everyone! Long time lurker, first time poster. So I’m having a big dilemma. So today I took my two NKs (6 and 8, boys)the neighborhood gated off pool to play naturally as six-year-olds do he ended up throwing a temper tantrum over a pool toy, and it ended up getting so bad that he tried to run out of the gates of the pool out into the street to run home. Obviously, at that point, I decided to leave and he kept on fighting back saying that he just wanted to walk home and I ended up having to grab him by his swim shirt and wrangle him to the car, as he was screeching and flailing. I don’t play about safety when I work, and that was the most unsafe situation a child has EVER put me in. I’m pretty sure I have decided that tomorrow I’m going to put my two weeks in because of the situation and that I can’t trust that this kid won’t put me in a situation where he could get seriously hurt on my watch again, that’s such a liability issue. They’re normally pretty difficult kids but today cross the line. Am I justified in putting in my two weeks tomorrow or should I stay?

i work with my absolute unicorn of a family and truly love coming to work for them each day. right now there is just 1 NK with #2 on the way.

my only responsibilities outside of watching NK is dishes and bottles related NK(s) and any toys that need washed. i have found myself doing other little random things here and there to help when i can like sometimes loading dishes in the dish washer, emptying the trash, sweeping the kitchen, and changing the diaper pail. they haven’t asked that i do anything extra and i really don’t mind helping out if i have the time however i don’t want to start a job creep where these regularly become something they expect of me, i don’t foresee this happening but i know it can happen. is there a way a can toe this line without making it part of my responsibilities in the future??

When the infant is napping and all household tasks are complete, would NF prefer a nanny to be using the phone or reading a book?

Do you say anything?

Also, I was scheduled to come 7 hours all 5 days this week. On Sunday, they texted saying they only need help Thursday and Friday. What do you do when this happens?

Thanks in advance.

so i’ve started working a nanny share a month ago with a 7 month old and an 8 month old. their naps were lining up which was great for me i got a break, but then quickly the parents of the 7 month old wanted to start transitioning from 3 naps a day to 2, which meant the nap schedule shifted. now their naps are the complete opposite one wakes up and the next go to sleep which means i’ve had no breaks at all for 10 hour days or i just have a 30 minutes break if it overlaps. i’ve brought it up to the 7 month old mom (actually i’ve said it to both moms but the 7 month old one’s schedule is the one that completely changed) like hey this is just something on my radar that i know babies are unpredictable i prepared for that but not only are they not even interacting which is a huge point of nanny share that they found important (but when i brought that point up the mom suddenly said that’s not her importance??) but it’s really not feasible for the long term i’m EXHAUSTED being on the whole entire day with no breaks and by the end of the day i have no energy to truly interact with them like i should be able to. i mean there’s also a ton more “issues” that is also a reason why i’m probably nitpicking on little things and wondering like is this worth it because to be honest me and the 7 month old family don’t really match that well but it’s just at bay enough to finish out our contract… anyways any advice is appreciated, am i just being a brat and i should suck it up because it’s what i signed up for? idk.

I got invited last minute to be a travel nanny for this family I’ve never met. Their assistant found my Facebook post and had me send over my resume and references. The mom called and sounded nice said they are going to aspen for two weeks and their current nanny cannot make it and they need a last minute step in. They said their current nanny is actually going to be leaving and as they reside close to me this may be a permanent position once they get back home. It’s next Sunday to August 9th. Super last minute and I’m scared what if they are mean? What if they are great and I miss out on an amazing opportunity? It’s for one child 19 months old. Has anyone traveled last minute with a family before? I have been wanting a high net worth position and this might be my chance but I’m also scared I will be meeting them for the first time at the airport

So I started with this family recently and I'm so close to walking out. They keep the air at 76° and keep walking in and making the baby cry from separation anxiety and getting mad at me saying I'm not doing enough to make him stop even though I DID EVERYTHING!! he's also teething and barely knows me since I've been gone all week. They also keep waking him so he's gotten no sleep. He is 7mo and only allowed 30min-1hr naps. I have a list of things to get done and barely have time to eat or drink water. They've said I don't wear him out enough for naps. Mind you I did tummy time, read him book, sang to him, took him outside, fed him, and gave him a bath. I'm going crazy but need a job. They only pay $20hr which is 5 below what I charge for one kid and I have a 40 minute commute. I'm so desperate for a job and about to file for bankruptcy. Also let me know any other side gigs all do because I'm over this. Allssooo they want him to eat with a spoon and hands on his own with no help

Hello!
I’ve been having some issues with my NF in my last 5 weeks of my contract. Context for leading up to this is below.
The questionable comment is “My name knows nothing.” Coming from NK and she shouts it and points to her nose and laughs. She’s 3 so it makes sense if “knows” is confused with “nose.” This happened last Friday, but it was towards the end of the day so I let it go and wanted to give the parents the benefit of the doubt.
But over the past three days, she has said it repeatedly and this morning said it in the kitchen while MB was in her office, just a few feet away. It obviously wasn’t acknowledged, but I’m really trying to think of anything else it could mean other than “Nanny knows nothing.” I asked NK who says that and she says MB does. What do you guys think?

Context:
On an intense night between the parents, DB reached out to me close to midnight to berate me about where I have slacked on the job and how it’s making MB work overtime. (I do more than what’s in my contract like grocery runs, returns, and package drop offs because I just want to be helpful and yes, I do follow my contract obligations minus changing bedding. I checked this after being accused.)
All while throwing her under the bus and calling her a bad manager. I addressed it saying it was inappropriate and unprofessional. Things did not go well the next day when I didn’t accept his apology. (I would have eventually, but it was too soon and he wasn’t supposed to be home so I was caught off guard.)
Things got heated, and apparently MB had told him that I had not done some of the things asked, but I revealed to him in our conversation that I was never asked to do these things. When he asked her if she was lying, I stopped them and said “this has nothing to do with me anymore.” I left 30 minutes early that day and took the next day off because it would’ve been too soon to see them.

The next day, I text MB (this was a mistake) apologizing for losing my cool and reiterating how I’m impressed that she keeps things afloat and I value our relationship and hope for it to go back to the way it was, but understand if it doesn’t. I explained that I want to apologize in person. I know it seems like I’m taking her side BUT the morning after the text, she verbatim tells me “I’m so sorry, I’m so embarrassed. DB has a problem with how demanding my job is and thinks if you aren’t working OT, then why am I and that has nothing to do with you. WE are good. I have addressed anything that needs to be addressed.”

She turned around on me and accused me of ignoring DB over the years and being disrespectful to him. (I was hurt because I would never do something like that.) She also accused me of never following through with tasks in my contract. And then she said “you need this job as much as I need mine.” And honestly that’s ringing heavy in my ear today. Since then, MB has been passive aggressive and the kindness is fake. Any kind gestures went out the door. And there is a power imbalance that is being used to full advantage by dangling my income over my head.

I was brought into an uncomfortable and disrespectful situation because of their marital issues and then I was used as the scapegoat to get their marriage back on track so they seem like a team again. And none of it had anything to do with me. With 5 weeks left.

I’m so done, but I raised NK for two years and want to cherish my time with her. There’s only 9 days left, but I won’t stay if she’s telling NK that I “know nothing.”

I’m beyond words for how hurt I am that this is where we are at.

TLDR: DB berates me for slacking on the job at midnight. I call out the unprofessionalism. I don’t accept apology because it’s too soon. MB who was “embarrassed” by his behavior and said there was nothing to fix in person, flipped on me and accused me of being disrespectful and not doing my job via text the next day.
We squashed it, but MB is passive aggressive and now NK is parroting rude and disrespectful things MB has said.

Edit to add: I will probably delete this in a few days because I’m not sure if NP use Reddit.

Hi all,

I am traveling out of state with my NF of nearly two years for the frist time in a few weeks. I feel great about my hours, accomadations, expectations, etc; however, we have not explicitly discussed compensation. I know for sure that I will be paid my standard hourly rate plus 1.5x for overtime; however, I have not confirmed the amount for my daily travel stipend. I am thinking about asking for $200 per day, but it's hard to guage what is a reasonable ask. If anybody has recently traveled with their NF, what was your pay structure like and how did you bring the topic up? Thanks in advance

Hi there! I need advice from the Bay Area parents and Nannies I don’t want to be taken advantage of again.

I’ve been a nanny/babysitter for about 3 years now, 1 years as a live in ages 2, 5, and 7 where I was left alone with them for weeks at a time due to single mom being in the military. Managed EVERYTHING completely independently that was related to them and the household besides mom’s schedule.
Now I’m looking at a job offer in the Bay where they want me to give them my desired salary. Same ages 2, 5, 7. Id be handling some household chores (kids laundry, clean up, dishes, cooking here and there etc) with drop off and pickup here and there in my car, and the 2yr old would be with me all day. They seem like a lovely family and have had Nannie’s before they moved as well so they’re not new to this.

They want me to give them a weekly salary, on a payroll system. My question is what’s reasonable for the Bay Area in the 510 area. I’m ok with being a little cheaper, but I don’t want to be underestimating myself either. I find that I am a people pleaser and it’s hard for me to ask for what I’m worth. It’s a big job I’ve done it before when I was 19 and naive, and I’m terrified of getting stuck again. Any tips or things I should bring up in the contract? Thank you in advance!!
Edit: long hours, 48ish a week

I have been with a family for a little over a year as a 40+ hour a week nanny and house manager. It has been very hard work. After being diagnosed with fibromyalgia, pots, and HEDS, I need to retire due to chronic pain. I’m in my late 40s. Both parents are physicians and I don’t want to have to disclose too much personal info. How would you word your discussion/ letter of resignation? I am dreading this because I know it is going to be so hard on them to find another nanny. It just sucks on both ends.
Thanks for your advice!

B23 months loves The Lion King and says, “Coo coo Tata, no worries!”

I got a text from my NF during the weekend. The 3 girls will be in school full time starting August 17th and mom will be taking care of them in the afternoons. Which is great, they need family time. I adore these girls. They have taught me so much and we love each other. I’m sure this won’t be goodbye forever. And I’m honestly pretty burnt out.
That gives me a month to find another job. But I’ve been thinking a lot about what I want to do next. And I think I desperately need to switch careers.
I’m getting my certification to be a Spanish Medical Interpreter. I don’t think I’ll be done on time. But maybe I could find one time jobs here and there until I’m ready to start.
I’m just so scared to start over! And it feels nostalgic already. But the thought of a new family and the adaptation process makes me so much more anxious.
I’ve enjoyed my years as a nanny. And I’ve loved so many kids. But I just can’t keep doing it.
Maybe this is the push that I need. And maybe it’ll be better in the long run.
I’m grateful for everything I’ve learned and experienced as a nanny. And I hope to see my girls again in the future.

My nanny family has a six year old and a nearly three year old and I swear they forget how old their youngest is! They got rid of all the Lego duplo, they throw away pieces to the number and letter match puzzles, And when I buy things like color and shape cards and games, I get told it’s useless. The three year old doesn’t know their colors, can’t recognize their name, and struggles with animals and body parts as well. He is behind and I don’t know how to get it through the parents’ heads that he has interests other than what his brother likes and sports. He would kill for a kitchen set but they are buying him a bike for his third birthday in two weeks. They also don’t do out of the house one on one time with him at all, and the ND wrestles with him even when he screams and cries because he “likes sports”. He hates it and it makes me so sad.

Just feeling super misunderstood and sad about this and want to chat. I was a nanny for a 1yo baby girl, I’d been with this family since she was around 2 or 3 months so I care about her a lot, she’s the sweetest thing. And I always thought I had a pretty solid working relationship with her parents.

NK isn’t walking yet so she pulls up on any furniture she can to “cruise”. Last week there was a wad of cash sitting on the coffee table where NK frequents. She’s at that age where she gets into everything and I didn’t want her to mess with the cash, didn’t want it misplaced and also didn’t want her to put it in her mouth (money is so filthy) so I moved it to the kitchen table where she can’t reach. Didn’t think anything of it.

But when I left for the day I got a text from MB in our group chat with DB and she asked if I’d seen the cash because it’s missing. I told her I had put it on the kitchen table so NK didn’t get into it and explained my reasonings. There was no response for about 20 minutes then MB replied and said she found the cash on the table but there was money missing. There had been $400 there and now there was only $250. Of course I was freaking out because she thinks I took it but I didn’t know what else to tell her other than yes I moved the cash but I absolutely didn’t take any. And that’s the truth! That was Thursday, I went to work Friday like usual and it was a little awkward but they didn’t bring up the cash again but then they fired me over the weekend over TEXT. Said they were letting me go with cause and referenced the missing cash so I’m not getting any severance and I suddenly don’t have a job with no reference letter from them.

This really sucks because previously I had no genuine issues with this family. I like their baby a lot and the position was supposed to last until she was 3, and I‘m devastated I won’t be able to see her grow into toddlerhood. And I just don’t understand how they could think I’d do something like that :/ Like I have no idea what happened to the cash….maybe she miscounted or maybe DB took it and didn’t want to speak up. Or maybe they wanted to fire me and just didn’t want to pay severance or give notice. But wth, it wasn’t me.