Sometimes I think about the unhinged things my husband of 27 years said and I am still in shock. After telling him I felt unappreciated for the unbalanced amount of work in our marriage. For reference I worked full time (made more money), had primary responsibility for 3 kids and their activities, special needs son and his school coordination, ran our air bnb, made sure our bills were paid, vacations planned and took care of the house. He shouted while leaving me for another woman, I hope you enjoy mowing the lawn and taking out the trash! I still laugh about that. Bonus - my nephew mowed my yard until the house sold and I rent now so the landlord does it. I have had to take our the trash every week but honestly it's a joy for some reason. What did your ex say/do that was so out of reality you can't help but chuckle?

My brother in law told me a few months after my divorce was final, kind of gently, that I was still in the old family photos, they just don't send me invites to anything anymore. Nobody sat me down about it. I just noticed the group chat had gone quiet and eventually figured out why. Twenty years of holidays, birthday parties, hospital waiting rooms with that family, and it just faded out without a conversation. I spent a while trying to figure out who to be mad at. My ex, her sister who ran the chat, myself for not fighting to stay in it. None of that actually helped. What finally settled it for me was realizing that family was never really mine, it was hers, and I'd been a welcome guest in it for two decades. When the marriage ended the guest pass ended too. Doesn't feel great to say out loud but it's true.

Anyone else go through this? Not the divorce itself, the quieter loss of the extended family around it. Curious how long it took people to stop checking if they'd been added back to anything.

My parents were in an unhappy marriage and divorced a few weeks after I turned 18. I very much resent them for that decision. It was not pleasant to spend my entire life watching my dad slam the door and leave the house every time my mother “nagged” him and never seeing any indication of love or affection between my parents. I know they believed that waiting until I was an adult benefited me but I would MUCH RATHER have been a child of divorce than an adult who grew up in a household with parents who could not stand each other. The children can always tell and never having an example of love is damaging. I really wish more parents knew that and didn’t just think about the damage that divorce does to a child.., when I think the damage an unhappy marriage does to a child is much worse! What do you all think?? Would love to hear your perspective. Thanks!

It’s a lot of work and emotional energy. Tbh, I think I’d rather just die alone.

Coming up on one month fully separated and two months since she asked for the divorce. She's blocked me on everything. Took our 2 dogs. It's both of their birthdays next week. Today has been really tough. I've been crying on and off all day and having really bad intrusive thoughts. I feel so alone. I just want my family back..

I’m wondering if anyone else feels this way.
Some days I feel like I’m moving forward, but other days I just end up crying. Is this normal, even after some time has passed? How long did it take for you to stop crying so often?
I’d really appreciate hearing your experiences. Thank you.

My wife of 22 years told me a little under a month ago that she didnt love me and wanted a divorce. She still wants to care for me, and we are still friends. I have severe PTSD and brain damage from my time in Afghanistan. I am terrified of living alone and think about suicide a lot. The kicker is that I don't want to put my two adult children and my wife through the pain of my death. I get to suffer for them. I am seeing doctors, and psychologists, and psychiatrist but it is exhausting. I also fear that half my life was wasted. I want to point out that I don't blame my wife. I am sure I was not easy to deal with, and she still plans to be in my life. I just feel like my life has been completely stopped and smashed to pieces. I am so at a loss of what to do.

Me and my husband are currently going through a divorce. I’m the one who asked for it and there is so much I could say but long story short my needs were just being neglected and he became a whole different person. He started being more mean to me and spending less time with me. A couple months ago I found that he was hiding a lot from me including interacting with inappropriate content online. When I confronted him he lied and even when I forgave him and tried to move past it he continued lying and actually started to blame me for my behavior.

I tried to give him a second chance but he genuinely started changing for the worst and became too controlling. I sat him down and had a very long talk with him about how I feel and that I think divorce would be the best choice because I can’t keep being miserable at a young age. I told him I didn’t want him to change my mind and I just wanted to discuss things but he refused since, ‘there’s no point of talking if he couldn’t change my mind’.

Ever since that night we barely spoke and when we did we would argue which led me to just not wanting to talk. He started ignoring me because I didn’t want to argue. I had a flight booked this upcoming weekend to go back home and I was just trying to get through the week with no issues while preparing to leave peacefully. This morning, he barged into my room while I was sleeping and asked to see my phone in which I said no. I’ll be honest, I have absolutely nothing to hide but we are past the point of looking through phones or overthinking about what the other person is doing (been there, done that).

He started raising his voice and started getting aggressive because I wouldn’t show him my phone. What he was wanting to see is if I’m talking to the men I recently followed (2 of my old friends that I removed out of respect for him). He then started calling me a cheater and started cussing me out and told me that if I’m gonna talk to men in his apartment (he’s paying the bills atm) that I could leave today instead of this weekend. I said that’s fine because I know I’m not a cheater and if we’re going through a divorce and he’s not speaking to me that nothing in my phone concerns him anymore.

He gave me a deadline to leave the apartment and to pack my bags and take my car (he said he would ship it out for me before all of this). When I told my family they were absolutely baffled and told me to leave that apartment asap before he escalates things more. I’m now at my in laws and have no idea what I should do. Can anyone give me advice please?

My sister is a 34Y female. She was dating a coworker’s brother for about 2 years, and last June he suddenly told her he wanted to get married “for tax purposes” because they would get a bigger refund.
She had just finished nursing school, which was very difficult for her, and her job refused to help accommodate her schedule, so she had to quit after 10 years of service. She used her 401(k) to pay off her debt and start with a clean slate.
Due to the stress, difficulties, and bullying at work, she gave him free rein to manage their finances and added him as an authorized user on her credit cards, which had a $90,000 credit limit. They also bought a car together and both co-signed for it. She was at work at the time, so everything was done over the phone. She has been making the $910 monthly car payment, but she has never asked him how much the insurance costs each month.
They ended up moving in with his parents because of his own $180,000 debt. She says she wasn’t aware of the extent of his financial situation because she was under a lot of stress and has ADHD.
She is staying at our home now and is wondering what she can do. Does anyone have any advice? Other than saying she’s an idiot. Apparently, the guy isn’t an engineer like she believed, but a machine operator, so he doesn’t make as much as she does, she barely got a job and will make 96k a year but she just started. Any advice helps.

*Forgot car is 45k and needs to be refinanced if she wants to keep it, per his sister he can’t afford it.

I’m so happy. Idk how long this will last but everyday since I wrote that letter to my ex wife after Father’s Day, it has felt like I finally moved on from the final stage.

Just for context: We’ve been together 15 yrs (married 8) and I was trying to fix our marriage since March - she officially wanted the divorce in May and “met” a new guy literally 24hrs after. You be the judge of that 🙄. 2 weeks after that I got laid off from my job.

Since March to now, I’ve been going to therapy, church, listening to audiobooks (specifically Let Them by Mel Robbins and not so much anymore on the audiobooks), and some of you may ask “How did you move on so fast?” There’s still scraps left but I dug into the self work/self discovery religiously. I had no job so I had all the time to really self reflect. I also did not avoid how I was feeling. If I felt happy I recognized it, and if I needed a good cry I let myself grieve. Ive also been experiencing March - July different than everyone else. It feels like a year while everyone has experienced it as 4 months. So that “year” brought a lot of self discovery/growth, I took advantage of every day.

I think acceptance and letting your body go through the process really helped. Having family/friends around also helped and I’m closer to them than I’ve ever been. Dating and meeting new people also helped. Some of you may disagree at the speed at which I started, but it helped open my eyes on what else is out there. Nothing physical, just actually being curious about the other person. It showed me that there are ppl out there who are more compatible and fit my lifestyle. There’s way better out there.

Now I’m focusing on me. Trying to start my own business and working again, fittest I’ve ever been in my life, and open to whoever wants to share their life with me. Overall I’m so happy. It makes me cry tears of joy because I never wanted the divorce and I didn’t know if I could ever smile again. We’re gonna make it. We’re gonna be just fine. I feel like my soul is mine again.

I hope this helps anyone reading this. There’s hope. You’re gonna make it.

I am going through a divorce after things just kept piling up. Eventually, I just stopped feeling anything except regret.

I discovered my ex relapsed. On top of the fits of rage and outbursts in front of our two very young children he was pressuring me for sex and sexual favors while I was postpartum. Not going into detail on that as I would rather never think about any of it again.

One thing he said in an attempt to guilt trip me is "I am the man that gave you 2 children". That replays in my mind often.

My husband is precise. He is the type of person you want building your house to perfection or performing heart surgery. Just a very thorough guy. Smart, exacting, and consistent.

Me on the other hand? I am the type who you want reading to your kids, listening to you at brunch, and making art for your living room. I am very patient, laid-back, creative, and expressive.

I recognize I am far from ideal. I am messy and disorganized at times. My husband wants the kitchen island empty. He wants the base boards clean, the yard manicured. He does not want wildflowers. He wants pristine mulched flowerbeds devoid of anything he calls weeds.

I love dandelions.

How did we get together if we are so different? Well, he was nice to me. And I was very forgiving of his issues. He, I suppose, thought I would change in some way and become “more responsible.”

Over the years, I have noticed my own mental health decline. I get no satisfaction from many of my hobbies because I can hear him bitching at me in my head. Even time spent outdoors in my garden, I can hear him complaining about it “looking like shit.” Honestly, I feel a bit sorry for him. I know he likely talks like this to himself about everything. I am never good enough for his standards and neither is he. I have also seen his resentment for me grow. He resents my garden, my houseplants, my inability to keep the home spotless with two young children.

He is also a capitalist through and through. Literally every penny he makes, he wants to reinvest in his business or his properties. He has a hard time seeing the value in any extracurriculars or fun for our family. I have had to argue for every bit of money.

Life just isn’t fun with him. I see value in what he is building financially, but I feel devalued in the process of his worldbuilding.

So I have moved out. He is offering a post-nuptial agreement where he gives me $280 a week in support, plus a $60,000 lump sum of the combined equity I am owed in the event of a separation. He then wants us to have separate finances while married.

I feel like this separation will eventually lead to an amicable divorce. I’m ok with that. I want him to feel in control of his life *without* me “getting in the way”. And I want to feel free to be myself, ie. leave the peanut butter jar on the counter after making a pb&j, leave my art supplies on the craft table, grow flowers from seed without weed fabric, exist without calculating return on investment for every decision.

Wish me luck.

I think I’m at a place now where I’ve accepted I don’t want the man. For context my STBX husband blindsided me with separation and divorce 3 months ago.

But what do you do with the deep sadness you feel about other people’s husbands who seem to stick by them or even people around you getting engaged and wanting engagement and marriage so bad.

It’s just my innocence has been stripped. I really believed in marriage and had such innocence about giving it my all and not giving up and fighting tooth and nail for it. It was the single most important thing in my life and for once I was completely vulnerable about it.

I still in that regard quite numb and sad about it. Especially for those here who got remarried. How did you recover?

Me (43M) and my wife (41F) have been in couples therapy for the past 3 years, married for 15. We have three kids, 12, 9 and 6. We entered therapy at my wife's request due to anger issues that I had due to our differences in parenting approaches. I learned a lot and grew a lot as a parent and have felt like things had taken a definite turn for the better, a turn which immediate family members noticed and commented on.

In our therapy session today, my wife said that she was done with the marriage and hasn't been happy in the past 6-9 months. She has struggled with depression and ADHD in the past (as have I) and underwent a bunch of medication changes in 2025. Ever since then she's been unhappier and unhappier. All of the romance has been long dead, we ignored the advice of our various counselors to make time for each other, go on date nights, take trips together without the kids, etc. That was dumb. Should have just gotten a sitter...

My wife has been a stay-at-home mom for the past 12 years ever since the birth of our oldest. She has a bachelors and has worked odd jobs occasionally. She is pretty loose and fast with money, loves to buy stuff on Amazon, go on trips with her best friend, etc. I, and family members on both sides, are concerned about her ability to care for the kids solo. Not that she is a bad mother by any stretch, just that between her depression, her low earning potential without going back to school, and her ADHD, she will become overwhelmed very quickly.

I believe that there is still the ability to work our way back to <something> in this marriage, maybe. We changed therapists about a year ago because we both felt that the original therapist was out of ideas for us. I wonder if a new therapist focused on EFT could help make some kind of breakthrough. She said about a week ago that she "didn't see the point of more therapy, we've been going for years and it hasn't worked."

I know from reading this sub that the whole "stay together for the kids" concept is pretty well rejected, but to be 100% clear, this is not a marriage in which there were any true fights. We have disagreed and one or both of us have walked away rather than escalate. No screaming, no sobbing in front of the kids, nothing like that. It's pretty much all happened behind closed doors and after the kids have gone to bed. I really want to make this work, both for my kids and for my wife, who I still care about!

Assuming that the divorce moves forward, my intent is to buy her out of our house using a family loan/gift/early inheritance so that the kids can stay in the same (very good) school district. She doesn't know this yet and just put together a transition plan focused on mediators, selling the house, etc. On the advice of my mother, I am going to get the best lawyer I can to advise me at least on what should be in a mediated agreement and be "on standby" if the mediation fails.

To the extent that I have any specific questions, I suppose they would be:

• Should I push harder for continued counseling? Maybe refuse to agree to a divorce without trying this?
• Should I put together a list of reasons why I believe a divorce is a bad choice, not just for the kids but for our joint financial security?
• Is buying her out of the house to provide stability for the kids a good idea?
  • This one is specific for those who have gone down this path: how did you manage when one parent moved out of said district? Did you split custody such that your kids were with you M-F exclusively? Did it fall to the other parent to get them to school if they lived, say, one town over?

Any advice, thoughts, etc. would be welcome.

Not sure if anyone else experiences this but the quiet moments are what get me. Not the big milestones, not holidays, just random Tuesday evenings when something funny happens and you turn to say something and there is nobody there.

We were together long enough that almost everything had a shared reference. A song, a restaurant, an inside joke about something stupid. Now those things just exist in my head with nowhere to go. It is a weird kind of grief that does not really have a name.

The hard part is that people around me think I should be further along by now. Papers were signed months ago. On paper it looks resolved. But grief does not run on a legal timeline, and I find myself cycling back through moments I thought I was done processing.

What I did not expect was how much of my identity was wrapped up in being part of a unit. Not in a codependent way, just in the ordinary way of two people building a life together. Losing that is its own thing, separate from losing the person.

Curious if others found a point where the random waves of it started spacing out more. Not asking for a fix, just wondering if that shift actually happens.

For background, I was in a same sex marriage with my wife for 10 years. We met and got married quickly be try young (22 and 25). Loved a lot about each other but clearly didn’t know exactly who we were as individuals. I tend to be fun/goofy but also more logical and rigid. My wife is super sociable and likes to be in the moment and go with the flow. A bit of a parent/child dynamic developed, I think in part fueled by my rigidity but also my need to be “the responsible one” in the marriage. She ultimately began feeling her opinions and desires in our life decisions didn’t matter and I felt she wasn’t being loving or courteous enough… frequently would be unreachable when out with friends, coming home hours later than planned with no updates, etc. At a certain point she said she wanted to try nonmonogamy which I wasn’t into. Said she didn’t know if she could continue the marriage if she was unable to explore this. Despite my fears I agreed to consider with the help of a counselor though my father got sick and passed which paused this. Her mother also passed during our marriage which was very hard on her. We became more and more unhappy with an avoidant/insecure dynamic. She was became very mean and treated me with a lot of contempt. Ultimately I caught her kissing someone else. We decided to try to work on it with a therapist and with me requesting a post nup as I was finishing my career training and about to make a large salary in several months. About a month later I discovered she had started an affair with the person the night before signing the post nup and she ultimately decided she didn’t want to be romantic partners with me anymore. I later found out she had made out with a coworker of mine a few years before and had a threesome with a straight couple we were friends with once and slept with just the female another time or two. I filed for divorce which made her very angry despite being in a relationship with her affair partner. She lost many of our friends related to their dislike of the infidelity, lack of accountability, and physical aggression she started to display towards me including significant property damage in our home. We went back and forth on an asset division agreement that felt pretty fair to me— split our bank accounts, the investment account my father left me when he passed (we had already spent her mom’s inheritance on various things), we each take our own 401k, and no alimony paid to her by me. I probably came out slightly on top as I got a house with about 30k more equity (but that would be much harder to sell) than the rental home she gets.

She is very bitter as she perceives I emotionally damaged her by valuing her opinions, listening to her, or truly loving the real her for so long. She also did a job she hated throughout my training as the deal had always been she could retire or really do whatever she wanted when I finished. She blames the loss of her social network on me as she feels I should have advocated for them to maintain friendships. She also feels I owe her for helping care for my father when he was ill. All in all she feels she was used/taken advantage of and that I owe her alimony and to pay off her student loans among other things to repay her. I view it more as we were building a life together that asked a lot more sacrifice from her on the front in but with the promise of a lot of freedom on the back end and she left right as her time to shine was happening. I also always kind of felt that if you were going to engage in such betrayal you just don’t get a bunch of the things you want in an agreement.

I love her very much and feel terrible about how unhappy she was for years even though I was unhappy and unfulfilled too. I think her cheating is unjustifiable but have accepted it and forgive. She is currently unemployed and I have just started receiving my new much nicer salary. I am considering helping her more than the asset division agreement specified by paying her insurance, student loan payment, and part of her rent so she is less stressed as she moves back to her home state and looks for a new job. Is this crazy? Should I have given her more in the first place? Do we think I am living in an alternate reality where I am supporting a betrayer because it’s like a Stockholm Syndrome type thing? Any advice is appreciated!

For context, stbxh of 18 years told me he wants a divorce. My gut says he’s at least talking to another woman, if not having a full blown affair. He refuses to even try to fix anything. Just bam- let’s divorce. Already talking to a lawyer within less than 2 weeks of telling me this. He’s never moved that quickly on anything is his life.

We’re trying to make this as smooth as possible. Uncontested if possible. When we spoke about custody of our kids (15 and 12) he immediately went to 50/50. Which at first I kind of hesitated bc I literally do and have done everything for them their entire lives. He is always working. I’m talking 6am-4pm and then he goes back at 8pm- 12am or later. He also usually does the night time shift on saturdays. So 4-8pm during the week? He wouldn’t be available to get them to or from school? He says “I can tailor my schedule.” Yeah well that’s also what you said when you took this supervisor position 9 years ago and that never happened. Anyway, I let it go.

Then!!!! He tells me his plan is to get a 5th wheel camper because he refuses to buy a house for the current prices and he’s not going to pay 1200-1500 a month for rent for the pos houses they have here. So you want 2 teens to spend a week at a time with you in a f’n camper?!?! One of those being a pre-teen (will be a teen in October) girl?!! Are you f’n serious?? So now I’m thinking I want to fight for primary custody. Why should they suffer in all of this? HE chose this, not me. During a school year in the most difficult transition of a teen girl’s life- she’s going to a new school, junior high. Becoming a teenager. I just hate the thought of her having to go back and forth to a camper. He said “it’s really nice.” Idgaf!!!!!!! Does she have her own room?? It’s not ok. So not only is he not going to be there except for those 4 hours, he’s going to have them in a 5th wheel.

Would you guys fight for primary custody?

I am so incredibly lost and torn regarding my marriage. We are, admittedly, in a tough stage of life with two toddlers (2 and 4) but it feels like we’ve veered so far from the loving, trusting relationship we once had and I don’t know if we can ever find it again. I feel so lonely and hurt all the time. There’s no understanding and when I try to voice how I feel the response I get is ‘you’re ruining the mood or stop being so difficult’ as if I’m negative and other than that everything is ok? It’s infuriating. We fight daily/nightly and then wake up and he pretends everything is ok. I don’t want to model this relationship for our kids and I don’t want to live my life being lonely. We spend hardly any time together and when we are together we just argue. If we didn’t have children I would have left/ but I cannot imagine losing time with them and sharing custody. I guess this is more a vent, but also looking for any insight on what the deciding factor was to move forward with divorce (or not).

A couple want to get a divorce and have been living separated in the same house after 7 year marriage. Husband wants to divorce buy wife doesn't. Wife doesn't work. So the advice was to sign a separation agreement and stay married until kids are 18.
So what happens in the divorce after 19years of marriage and 12 years after separating agreement. How does this affect alimony?

Is it typical for your divorce attorney to take days to return a phone call or an email for a time sensitive financial issue? I'm finding that mine is either using his paralegal as a gatekeeper or a spin doctor and it's frustrating as hell.

Attorneys - if you have a heavy caseload with court appearances back to back with mediations and trials, please be upfront with your clients about the expectations for return correspondence.

My heart is broken. I’m having a hard time working, daily life routines. My husband of 10+ years told me he wants a divorce few months ago, that he made up his mind. I was so blindsided, I don’t understand why he didn’t speak about his feeling sooner. He said he has resentment towards me and fallen out of love several months before he told me. I think he’s already looking at filing divorce papers and my heart and my mind is struggling right now. I don’t know what to do or how to think. 😞
Here’s a link to a post I’ve made earlier.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Divorce/s/mGQnDvTVX1

Hola, me gustaría solicitar su ayuda para asesoría legal, soy de CDMX, planeo divorciarme ya que mi pareja me engaña con alguien de su trabajo y tenemos una bebé de meses. Nunca me he visto en situaciones de problemas legales, asi que no sé ni por dónde empezar, si pudieran sugerirme a algún abogado se los agradecería. O contarme como suele ser el proceso para saber qué podría esperar sé los agradecería.

Back in 2019 my husband of just over a year decided we needed to separate. We had been in a relationship for 6+ years and we had met shorty before my mother died. I clung to him for everything and refused mental health evaluations and treatments until after moving into my current home. Recently I found out that because of how long we have been apart, I could divorce him without his input. The only problem is I have to have proof that there is no way to find him. He's blocked me from every form of communication, and searching records online hasn't been very helpful do far. What should I do?

I know the experts say you should tell the kids together and present a united front that you decided this together. But, what if you didn’t? And it was all one sided and not something you both wanted. I don’t feel that lying and acting like you were totally part of it too is okay. Especially when they’re at the ages they can understand (13 and 16). I honestly don’t know if I can sit beside him and say yes we agreed on this because no tf we didn’t. I honestly feel like he should tell them HE decided this and HE is leaving his family. And I know I need to put my own feelings and emotions to the side but I also can’t look my kids in the eye and tell them this is what I wanted to happen. Help. What do you guys feel is appropriate in this situation?

I have a really close relationship with both of my kids and I know that after the initial shock they will both be asking me questions when he’s not around. (Which is a lot.)I can’t lie to them. I just don’t know how I’m going to handle all of this. I don’t want to turn them against him or totally mess them up. But I don’t want to lie to them.

I can't even explain how my heart is breaking right now. I need advice on how to handle this, please.

I don't want to give many details because I don't want him to identify this. But we've had a lot of issues, especially considering it's only been a year, and I know that the divorce is coming. I lost my job recently, and I've been so depressed and with this it's just all piling on.

I know l've made so many mistakes, but | just can't believe this is it. I really thought this would be forever; we've only discussed it for now, we do tend to have pretty explosive arguments but he said we'd think about it in the morning which we've never said before. I don't want any of this to be happening, and I can't just undo it. I can't turn back the clock and make everything okay again, but I want to so much.

This sounds childish, but I'm terrified. My life has derailed and I don't think I have the strength to survive this. I don't know if I can take another fall.

I don't know how to be okay with any of this.