Life goes on, and my divorce is finally finalized after a long period of separation. I, a 35 year old woman with no kids, am up to my ears in suitors.

The issue? I haven't dated since 2017, and I have quickly discovered the conventional dating apps leave a lot to be desired.

I took a detour into "the lifestyle" for awhile to shake ass and touch grass. Now rebounded after a few instances of safe sex, I'm off of the kinky website too and trying to find advice on how to carry on in finding someone who wants a wife and kids.

For those who have divorced and found a new relationship with someone serious, what did you do? If you met in person, where?

Thanks for any advice, stories, opinions and hot takes. Ciao.

My ex and I divorced amicably, we have kids together and because of that have to communicate a lot, and see each other fairly frequently still for dropoffs, kids sports and school activities. Before I started seeing anyone, we would still help each other out with things. I'd spray weeds at her house in exchange for her watering my plants over the weekend if I'm gone. I let her dog out if she's busy, she'll let mine out if I am. Things like that. Tit for tat, we both benefit.

2 years into my relationship with my gf, and the gf has completely put a stop to it. She doesn't say that she's jealous of the ex. She just claims that we aren't married anymore, so we shouldn't be doing things like that for each other. I tell her that it's just being friendly, and setting a good example for my kids, and that I wouldn't do it if it didn't also benefit me.

It's really put a strain on the relationship with my ex. She's very b*tchy now, suddenly isn't available any time I ask her to pick up the kids, or bring over things the kids left at her house, stuff like that. She rarely answers when I ask her questions or tell her something about the kids. It used to never be an issue, and I answer her, I run things over to her, all that stuff. My gf and I pretty much never fight, except about this.

My ex tells me I should set my gf straight and just make her accept that it's ok for us to be decent to each other. My gf says that my ex doesn't deserve the extra help since she lost those privileges when we got divorced, and my ex has a bf, so he should take care of these things for her not me. I'm stuck in the middle hearing it from both sides, and understanding both points of view, trying to keep them both somewhat happy about the situation.

My life is pretty good, and I know this is trivial stuff compared to what a lot of you are dealing with. But I wasn't sure where else to post to find good insight from people who might understand. I'd love any help or input. Thanks!

I'm in a limbo at the moment. I'm 41f, don't have kids, and I am clearly unhappy in this 10-year-old marriage. He doesn't realise what is wrong, but I feel it almost every day. We are just not compatible, physically, or emotionally. He demeans me sometimes, comes to bed super late, and there is rarely any word of affection between us. There is no cheating on either side.

I don't know how to justify divorce to myself. I want a child, but that window is closing pretty soon. I'm in panic mode. He wants to be a father, but I wonder how the divorce will work after a child is involved.

I want to get advice on this from other people in a similar situation as a guy I’m taking to. I am f23 and have always been very shy. I never really had a boyfriend and honestly only been on a couple dates my whole life. I joined a church group and met this guy who has been a blessing. He is so sweet, caring, and funny. He is literally everything I ever want in a guys we have went to the movies and got dinner a couple times as friends outside of our church group. The issue is he is 36 and divorced. I’m embarrassed to even say I have feelings for him. I’m unsure if my feelings are real or not. Maybe he is just the first guy to give me attention and the feelings are just because of that. I’m an unsure if I should tell him how I feel or just leave everything as is.

I'm noticing a pattern that often when you and (son) talk on FaceTime, and (daughter) is not right there, (son) often comes out stressed and/or anxious looking for her because you sent him.

Forcing him to be "the messenger" is placing him in an adult role as your enforcer, undermines our household rules, creates unnecessary loyalty issues as he feels trapped and uncomfortable with your demands, not to mention the disruptive behavior between (son) and (daughter) as siblings and our household routines.
We have already established that both kids are to be informed when each of us call respectively, during reasonable evening hours after supper and before bedtime.

I hope we both agree that FaceTime with our children needs to be encouraged positively as voluntary on their part, guilt and pressure free, with a duration that makes them feel as comfortable as possible, especially considering what is age appropriate.

Stay in California for my daughter, or relocate for a fresh start?

I am facing a difficult family and relocation decision:

• My marriage has effectively become a roommate relationship, and the trust is gone.
• I have a 9-year-old daughter and do not want to lose a close, daily relationship with her.
• I have no friends, and my family lives overseas.
• Most of the time, the only people I can really talk to are ChatGPT and my daughter, although I know my daughter should not carry my adult emotional problems.
• Other than ChatGPT, my wife probably knows me better than anyone, but I no longer trust her.
• I am considering divorce, but shared custody would probably keep me in California.
• California is expensive, while areas such as Goodyear, Surprise, and Litchfield Park, Arizona offer more affordable housing.
• However, I am concerned about school quality, safety, extreme heat, and whether Arizona would be a good environment for my daughter.
• I do not want to make a major decision mainly because of anger, loneliness, or frustration, but staying indefinitely also feels like giving up control of my life.

Should I keep my marriage? Or any suggestion?

I have no kids with my ex. Just today, I got onto dating apps to see what’s out there. I’m definitely finding it easier to ask difficult questions upfront so as to not waste my time, I do have an irrational fear probably just anxiety based that somebody that checks the boxes of financial stability and not using credit card as a Lifestyle is someone I won’t be attracted to you. I’m just curious to people that have been on the app for at least a month, how are they treating you?

My sister is a 34Y female. She was dating a coworker’s brother for about 2 years, and last June he suddenly told her he wanted to get married “for tax purposes” because they would get a bigger refund.
She had just finished nursing school, which was very difficult for her, and her job refused to help accommodate her schedule, so she had to quit after 10 years of service. She used her 401(k) to pay off her debt and start with a clean slate.
Due to the stress, difficulties, and bullying at work, she gave him free rein to manage their finances and added him as an authorized user on her credit cards, which had a $90,000 credit limit. They also bought a car together and both co-signed for it. She was at work at the time, so everything was done over the phone. She has been making the $910 monthly car payment, but she has never asked him how much the insurance costs each month.
They ended up moving in with his parents because of his own $180,000 debt. She says she wasn’t aware of the extent of his financial situation because she was under a lot of stress and has ADHD.
She is staying at our home now and is wondering what she can do. Does anyone have any advice? Other than saying she’s an idiot. Apparently, the guy isn’t an engineer like she believed, but a machine operator, so he doesn’t make as much as she does, she barely got a job and will make 96k a year but she just started. Any advice helps.

*Forgot car is 45k and needs to be refinanced if she wants to keep it, per his sister he can’t afford it.

So I just have a general question:

Does filing for sole custody eliminate the rights of the other parent?

I am in Michigan and my ex and I are in the middle of a divorce. The title isn’t as dramatic as it sounds… the process is dragging out because we can’t agree on our kids. He wants joint custody and I want sole custody.

The other day I told him that giving me sole custody doesn’t terminate his parental rights. It just ensures that they are with me and I don’t need him to make any decisions. Terminating his rights is a completely different process. But it ended in a fight.

Talking about this together gets us nowhere. He jokes about never signing the papers but once the conversation shifts to more serious issues — he tries to DARVO. I’m just trying to get the papers signed, not argue.

I left him before she was born. I literally ran to another state. Years later, she goes to a good school, has a good home but it’s just the two of us. She wants a dad and siblings. Me: I want companionship as well. However, cannot imagine letting a man into my home. Most of the men in my area are business professionals, well connected and rich. The type to get away with “murder”.
I keep imagining everything that could go wrong. What if I let the wrong person in? I have survived every pain but I could not possibly allow anyone to hurt her.
I also know that it is social death for us if I remain single parent household in this area. What do I do? And how are other people moving on/ remarrying so quickly?

My husband is precise. He is the type of person you want building your house to perfection or performing heart surgery. Just a very thorough guy. Smart, exacting, and consistent.

Me on the other hand? I am the type who you want reading to your kids, listening to you at brunch, and making art for your living room. I am very patient, laid-back, creative, and expressive.

I recognize I am far from ideal. I am messy and disorganized at times. My husband wants the kitchen island empty. He wants the base boards clean, the yard manicured. He does not want wildflowers. He wants pristine mulched flowerbeds devoid of anything he calls weeds.

I love dandelions.

How did we get together if we are so different? Well, he was nice to me. And I was very forgiving of his issues. He, I suppose, thought I would change in some way and become “more responsible.”

Over the years, I have noticed my own mental health decline. I get no satisfaction from many of my hobbies because I can hear him bitching at me in my head. Even time spent outdoors in my garden, I can hear him complaining about it “looking like shit.” Honestly, I feel a bit sorry for him. I know he likely talks like this to himself about everything. I am never good enough for his standards and neither is he. I have also seen his resentment for me grow. He resents my garden, my houseplants, my inability to keep the home spotless with two young children.

He is also a capitalist through and through. Literally every penny he makes, he wants to reinvest in his business or his properties. He has a hard time seeing the value in any extracurriculars or fun for our family. I have had to argue for every bit of money.

Life just isn’t fun with him. I see value in what he is building financially, but I feel devalued in the process of his worldbuilding.

So I have moved out. He is offering a post-nuptial agreement where he gives me $280 a week in support, plus a $60,000 lump sum of the combined equity I am owed in the event of a separation. He then wants us to have separate finances while married.

I feel like this separation will eventually lead to an amicable divorce. I’m ok with that. I want him to feel in control of his life *without* me “getting in the way”. And I want to feel free to be myself, ie. leave the peanut butter jar on the counter after making a pb&j, leave my art supplies on the craft table, grow flowers from seed without weed fabric, exist without calculating return on investment for every decision.

Wish me luck.

This might sound like a rant but looking for actual advice. Would love women’s and men’s perspectives other than marriage is terrible and a scam.

my wife(35f) and I (40m) have been married 3 years anniversary was 3 weeks ago.

she has not had a job in the time we have been married and I pay for everything which is something that upsets me. she also wants to wait to have kids until she has a job and worked there for a while.

she also is also on a green card visa and is depressed because of the job situation.

Monday she called the cops on me because we had a big argument. now I cant go back to the home I owned before she moved in. I told her I wanted her out of my home

it has been 2 days. 1st day I was in shock it was a simple argument.

day 2 I went to court and they filed a restraining order against me.

1st couple days I was furious felt like she used me and set me up. looked at small things in the past and that was the narrative.

3rd day I can’t sleep thinking omg she is alone with no family here and she thinks everyone she cares about just abounded her and her status in the country. Not to mention she probably now has people telling her the same things I am hearing about how I am hitler or something.

with a clearer head and speaking to unrelated friends wives. they gave me a different perspective and one where she isn’t the joker and trying to kill me.

the lawyers keep trying to paint her a certain way and hey it will be better for me in the long run. she is terrible and I can do better.

speaking to someone who was not family or wanting a ton of money from me as well as a few days to think about it.

I want to talk to her but am not allowed. We should probably be couple therapy. my wife changed maybe a year ago because she thought I was cheating on her I work 10+ hours a day and sometimes would stop at the mall to just walk around and clear my head for 1/2 an hour. After that she changed. I thought she was just depressed about the job and was looking for something to be mad about.

at the very least would make the divorce less testy

since I am not allowed to talk to her I told my siblings and Their wives to not contact her because it could be bad for me. But now I am thinking it can be a olive branch or for her to know hey you are cared about.

Hey everyone,

I don’t know where to go for family relationship advice this late at night and just want some opinions.

I’m sole parent separated from ex fiancée for a year. We have an arrangement.

However her mum, the kids grandmother has requested a sleepover, but only for 1 child as she only has room for 1 or something idk. She told me she wants to have both but wants to see how 1 goes first.

My kids have never spent a night or day apart. I feel like they keep each other regulated in a way when they’re together they feel save since now they have a split home. As every couple of weeks they sleep over at their mums for a night or whatnot.

I said she should take both or I can help her and stay out of the way if she wants to spend time with them, I’m or she can have both if she feels comfortable.

Idk I’m lost please help. Lucky it’s at least on a Friday night so it’s the end of school week and not disrupting school ect they are only 3 years old too if that helps

My husband claims that he had been unhappy in our relationship for around six months and he wanted to seperate. This doesn’t make sense to me as he was still so romantic and caring. I feel like his head was turned and he couldn’t be a strong enough character to admit that.
He told me that he was just trying to make things ok by doing these things but it just seems like a lot of hassle to do all these things?

Surprised me with a first pressed Fleetwood Mac album also buying little token thoughtful gifts
Hid cute messages saying how much he loved and missed me when he was away with work.
Consistently told me how happy he was in our relationship and telling me he loved me without prompting.
Consistent FaceTiming and texting when apart
Lots of dates and laughing
Literally booked a holiday the month before he asked for a divorce.
He told me he had said to his friend that he needs to just get married to his long term gf like he did with me and he’s happy
Romantic dinners and flowers
Discussing the future and what we want to do this year
I obviously felt so blindsided by all of this due to his behaviour mentioned above. What do you think? Would someone really go through all that effort? if he was actually unhappy surely I’d feel a change in energy and him withdrawing?

Hi all. My wife and I (both 43) have been married basically 4 1/2 years. We’ve been physically separated since February- got legally separated since March because we needed to for other reasons. We still kept seeing each other though. Despite our struggles we both wanted it to work. I even went to her dads house with her for Fathers Day with her in the next state over. We got in a fight shortly after and stopped talking for a week or so, at which point she put in the paperwork to finalize the divorce on 7/1. We continued to talk until at least 7/7. We even had plans to meet up and have sex that night but got into an argument and since then have basically only communicated about logistical things. I opened the dating apps about a week ago because I was feeling desperate and lonely and really just wanting to feel loved again. I’ve been talking to a few women but only surface level things because I’m honestly not even sure I have the capacity to date again. She left for vacation with her mom and daughter 2 nights ago. Last night she texts me saying how she’s miserable there because tropical vacations are our thing and it doesn’t feel right. She accused me of going on the apps which I admitted to and she immediately says she’s been seeing someone. She doesn’t call it dating but said she’s been out with him 5 times and goes home and cries. She also says she’s only kissed him. This means she’s been seeing him for weeks. Even since we last were being flirty with each other. And now I’m beyond gutted. I just feel hollow and empty. It’s now after 6 am and I literally never fell asleep last night. And I wish I could stop obsessing. I don’t know how make this pain go away.

My father has been lying to my mother about how much money he has so that he doesn't have to pay her what he owes her (he said he would pay her an amount of money on several occasions and never paid it) and keeps lying about where the money is going towards and ignores her when she asks for the money. It has been many years. She is in debt because of him. They are still married but live in separate countries. Me and my brother live with my father and my mother is living in her home country where we used to live before the 3 of us moved away. She does not have the money to come visit us and we only see her every 3 years and I wish I could see her more, so I want to help solve her debt so she can come visit us more often or maybe even live with us. My father keeps delaying the divorce and I don't trust him with what he asks her to sign because he's very selfish and might try to screw her over. I know that he does not want to give her half of the money he makes and will probably try to find a way to work around it if possible. I don't know how a lot of this stuff works yet, I'm doing my research but I figured might as well ask for help on here if anyone knows if this is something my mother can sue for or how she can divorce him and get the money that she was supposed to receive to relieve her debt? Feel free to ask questions if more detail is needed.

my stbx went ahead and purchased a condo and as it was a amicable settlement, we documented in the settlement document that I would give him cash for down payment. As promised, I wired the money to him. His lender is now refusing to take that money stating that as divorce is still in progress, he cant accept that money and wants a gift certificate from me.

this sounds a misrepresentation to me. why cant lender accept settlement funds while its clearly mentioned in the property settlement document.

I’m looking for honest advice because I feel like I’ve reached the end of my marriage, but I don’t want to make a life changing decision based only on my own emotions.

I’m an active duty Army officer. My wife and I have two young children (2.5 years and 1 year old). Over the past years, I feel like our relationship has become increasingly unhealthy.
My biggest issues are:
I don’t feel respected.
I don’t feel appreciated.
I don’t feel supported as a partner or father.
I feel like every disagreement becomes my fault.
I rarely receive an apology or acknowledgment when I’m hurt.
I do a large share of the parenting whenever I’m home. I usually get up with the kids, make breakfast, handle naps when I’m off work, and do bedtime. I don’t mind working hard, but I feel like I never get a break or appreciation.

Some examples:
After driving nearly 19 hours with a trailer to help us move (a trip we agreed on because she was worried we wouldn’t have enough room), she called me and asked, “Do you feel stupid for not doing it my way?” I was exhausted and felt criticized instead of supported.
During a difficult day with our toddler she texted:
“I’m buying restraints for him.”
“He is being tied to the bed.”
“He needs bed restraints.”

She has also said:
“He’s lucky he’s too old for the fire station or I’d drop him off.”

She frequently describes our toddler as “undisciplined,” “behind,” or “unreachable.” I brought these concerns to his pediatrician at his last visit, and the pediatrician said his development and behavior were normal for his age. I told my wife I’m completely willing to have him evaluated again if she’s still concerned.

When I try to bring up how I’m feeling, I often feel like the conversation immediately becomes about what I’m doing wrong. Recently I tried to calmly explain that I don’t feel respected, appreciated, or supported. She became very defensive and later said she doesn’t feel emotionally safe with me and believes I’m emotionally abusive.
She has also said that she only wants to discuss our relationship in marriage counseling, which I’m willing to do.
At this point, my plan is to give counseling and our move to Kansas a chance. I’ve decided to evaluate things over the next couple of months. For me, improvement would look like:
mutual respect,
accountability from both of us,
healthier communication,
therapy,
and feeling like we’re actually teammates again.
If those things don’t happen, I think divorce is probably the healthiest option.

I’m not looking for people to tell me my wife is evil. I know you’re only hearing my side. I’m looking for honest feedback from people who have been through divorce or emotionally unhealthy marriages.
From what I’ve shared, do you think I’m thinking about this reasonably? Is there anything I’m missing or should be considering before making a final decision?

I did use chat gpt to compile all my thoughts and issues :P

Hello Reddit

This is my first time posting here, so I’ll get to the point. I’m going to be going to trail here in a few months. Yes I have a lawyer. We have custody agreement in place( long story short, she got greedy and is taking me back to court for more money under Pike v Pike).

Her big ticket complaints have already fallen flat or been dismissed and her lawyer is just power billing her at this point to keep getting paid. She just has kid related complaints at this point. No I don’t drink, or do drugs. I’m a workaholic that enjoys TTRPG and reading. I’m very boring and I over prepare for everything.

***Skip to here for the question***

I’m looking for questions or responses you wish you would have used or were used that caught you or them off guard in court dealing with custody, kids not doing homework, not communicating, ignoring the judges orders, and having a double standard. Nothing outrageous, just professional. I have nothing but time right now and I’m trying to think outside the box for something I haven’t thought of.

Thank you for reading.

Hi guys,

I want to preface by saying, initially, please don’t judge and lecture about getting married young, etc.

I (F22) and my husband (M22) have been married about a year. Lately, I’m not sure I want to stay married… As time has gone on, I feel like I’m missing out. In some ways, we’re not very compatible, and, tbh, I think I maybe just want to be single and stay that way, live my 20s out.

The problem is, I feel trapped. I feel as though, being with my parents, they’ll make me feel awful about it (not common in my culture), and I don’t really know how things would look for either of us. I don’t want to make his life hard, and I do have love for him, but the more I tell myself I’m just going through a phase and being the way I am because I’m not doing anything to fix it, I find myself reverting back to creating distance between the two of us. And, for some reason, I keep hoping he’ll get up and say he’s had enough so he can leave instead of me leaving.

I don’t know. Am I being silly? Do I ride it out? I’m so sick of this. I’ve been feeling this way for a month or two, maybe more. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve told myself to push on. I feel like such an awful person and i’m so afraid of being judged.

43m 42f. 27 years together, 17 married. HS sweethearts. Two small children.

Seven months into separation. No contact at all even when dropping kids off - except through attorneys.

27 years together and I wasn't even paid the respect of any kind of closure or discussion.

I started writing a goodbye letter on Livejournal from day one and edit it most every day. It is very long and takes up two whole Livejournal entries to the max. It basically tells a complete history of the problems in our marriage, what went wrong, how and why none of the problems were ever adjudicated, etc.

I will not send it unsolicited. She will have to want to hear from me again which might be never. But we will always be connected through our kids so obviously there must come a time she will speak to me. Our youngest turns 18 in thirteen years.

Did anyone write a letter? Care to share it? Did you send it or not? Are you satisfied if so?

I divorced him before 12 years ago. We remarried again two years later. Reason for divorce was he cheated on me. Sex with someone else.

Fast forward another 10 years after our remarriage, earlier this year he seek out prostitute massage service. He said he did not have sex with the person but it was close to that. I caught him and he lied. I believed there were things he did not tell me.

He said he wanted to work on it. Fast forward few months after, I found naked woman photo on his phone which he said he masterbate to it. I find it hard to believe. Should I better off having a divorce. I can’t take all the lies. Why should I put up with this behavior.

Just wondering if anyone else has had a similar situation. My ex wife and I have both found new people to date and she was adamant that I meet her new dude (has same name as me) but when we actually meet she doesn't introduce him and only stands there while the guy walks over and introduces himself. Fast forward two months and I introduce my girlfriend to her with full introductions and we all have a conversation. However since then my ex is cold and barely talks to me, she seems ticked that I am happy. Is this narcissistic behavior on her part?

Sometimes I think about the unhinged things my husband of 27 years said and I am still in shock. After telling him I felt unappreciated for the unbalanced amount of work in our marriage. For reference I worked full time (made more money), had primary responsibility for 3 kids and their activities, special needs son and his school coordination, ran our air bnb, made sure our bills were paid, vacations planned and took care of the house. He shouted while leaving me for another woman, I hope you enjoy mowing the lawn and taking out the trash! I still laugh about that. Bonus - my nephew mowed my yard until the house sold and I rent now so the landlord does it. I have had to take our the trash every week but honestly it's a joy for some reason. What did your ex say/do that was so out of reality you can't help but chuckle?

Back in 2019 my husband of just over a year decided we needed to separate. We had been in a relationship for 6+ years and we had met shorty before my mother died. I clung to him for everything and refused mental health evaluations and treatments until after moving into my current home. Recently I found out that because of how long we have been apart, I could divorce him without his input. The only problem is I have to have proof that there is no way to find him. He's blocked me from every form of communication, and searching records online hasn't been very helpful do far. What should I do?