i thought i was gonna use this summer to write, draw, or do other hobbies but it turns out i'm only bedrotting while seeking dopamine from my fp and social media. i'm even tired of daydreaming.

i literally can't do anything. any advice?

I’ve always felt that I’m too much for anyone to handle. My relationships were always a mess because I would be upset over the smallest of things (an ignored message, tone I assumed, constant feeling of lack of enthusiasm from them, etc.) and it would happen quite often.

I’m in a fairly new relationship right now and everything that I’m doing to be better just feels like I’m just making myself more palatable for my partner and for other people. I try to process and not snap at anyone or split but it feels like I’m suppressing my full emotions. Am I not meant to feel things fully? I mean I know I can! But it feels like when I’m not allowed to let anyone to know that I do or else it’s gonna lead to another misunderstanding and the cycle just repeats. I feel like because of this I’m just growing to learn not to feel “that much” but I’m afraid I would end up being numb again and be distant towards them. How do you guys navigate through this?

It’s absolute madness it’s hell and that’s not the ironic part. It’s that i was the one initiating the break up but i thought she’d still be in my life bc there was no plans in blocking each other or going not going to not be in each other’s lives,, until she decided that she wants to go no contact not long ago (we’ve been together for four years on and off, mostly on) and it just dawned on me.
I wish i could express in words what im feeling but i physically can’t but iknow it’s not good,, it’s not good at all, pls send help im petrified.

I just wanted to let everyone know that it can get better!! You can grow and learn skills to help regulate your emotions. I’ve had a BPD diagnosis for 7 years. For most of my life I’ve struggled with maladaptive coping mechanisms and emotional regulation. There have been times when I honestly didn’t think I would be able to survive this mental illness. DBT is changing my life. Please don’t give up hope! I know how hard it is, but you’re strong and this isn’t the end for you. Life is worth fighting for, you’re worth fighting for.

My bp is being ruled out and I’m being suspected with bpd instead. I want to understand bpd more so I’m curious how different bpd is for each person, so if there’s anyone out there willing to share their experience with bpd, please share^^

i work at a call center but looking for a job in graphic design (i have bachelors in graphic design) and my bf has been pestering his friend about a job for me.

after the last call i wanted to share my feelings with him and told him it feels humiliating (bc the friend basically says i need to expend my portfolio but bf is keeping to pester him).

bf immediately got angry and pissy saying its not humiliating and when i asked why hes angry he said bc im blaming him.

it wasnt my intention at all i just wanted to share how it feels with him but he didnt listen anymore. i tried to explain the friend is right n it feels humiliating to chase him when i know i need to expend my portfolio but he just doesnt hear me anymore. just tells me i make excuses all the time

i tried to tell him im not blaming him, he just didnt care. just completely pissed off. now im dissociating bc it scares me. im so tired. i hate this.

i understand he mightve felt im being ungrateful for his effort but it wasnt my intention. i didnt want to upset him i hate this

FYI: I'm a man and I understand male BPD is quite different from female BPD. I don;t know if this will resonate with everyone.

That being said, all over these years I've been trying to find people who'd listen, empathize with what I was going through.

Friend 1: "I'm not your therapist. Get your shit together"

Friend 2: "I don't want your death on my conscience"

Friend 3: Straight up ghosted me

It's bloody tough. And I understand we're too much to handle for normal people. We need constant support, re-assurances, care.

I've kinda ODed last week. Woke up a day later.

Everybody suggests building a peer support group. I tried that in the past and I left midway when I was splitting.

I'm trying it again. I've called it trauma support because BPD begins with childhood trauma apart from minor genetic factors

This time I want a bunch of other people who admin the group in case I take break.

I hope we can help each other as sounding boards. We can become active listeners to anyone who;s in pain.

I took 4mg clonazepam, and it isn't helping.

It's not a marketing ad. It's a desperate plea. I do not want to be in this space again.

https://chat.whatsapp.com/KMQBYVYQa97G4tJ9ddg2xd

PS: I just want to drink myself senseless. I wish I could. I don't want to feel all this.

So I have a really important business relationship and I have to deal with the fact that they are pulling back. Logically I get it, they have a family and they’ve had their business longer than mine. Anyway they didn’t really tell me they were pulling back but they basically cut me out , it really fucking hurts but it’s their choice , we need to keep collaborating as businesses as it’s actually more beneficial to my growth. But fuck I’ve just sent them a message they’ve read it and not replied again , they’re active on WhatsApp . I know I’m fucking crazy and I’ve already deleted the messages I sent but before I do anything else embarrassing I’ve deleted my WhatsApp and I’m just trying not to message them . Because honestly I’m already close to ending our relationship but that hurts my business and would basically f everything. I’m struggling to deal with this because I felt close to them and they are choosing to not be involved with me.

It would be so much easier if I could just be totally alone. Completely alone. I can’t do this.

On top of that I was using boxing to cope with stress but my boxing coach cancelled our sessions last week so I have no coping mechanism. I don’t feel good

i have bpd and i lowkey wish to be friends or at least talk to someone with bpd. i really wanna be open and just share stuff that happens as a person with BPD. THANKS FOR REACHING OUT IF YOU DO!

okay so i’m curious if anyone else w bpd experiences this because it frustrates me SO bad sometimes

i have this really weird habit, that i can’t even control, of just literally internalizing things like tv shows/movies and stories online

for example, i often quit tv shows midway through because i get so much anxiety, guilt, or depression surrounding the characters and/or their story line and it’s so strong that i will go into a depressive state for a couple weeks if i do finish a show i was fond of

does anyone else get this? it’s so weird lol
i’ve avoided sappy movies and emotional stories my entire life because of this

Quand vous êtes en moment de crise, que faites vous pour ne pas vous mettre danger physique et par exemple ne pas vous couper ou prendre des médocs. Comment faites vous pour «revenir à la réalité ». Comment faites vous pour vous calmer ? Ou même pour sortir des épisodes dépressifs ?

Merci de m’avoir lu !

hi y'all. just wanna explain my situation here. last night, my fp/partner had gone to make a store run. i was scrolling social media and saw something that triggered me and my unchecked anxiety like crazy. it wasn't my fp that put it there but it reminded me of something we worked through in the past. normally, i'm able to soothe my anxiety but i guess i've been stewing in it without knowing.

when he got home, i immediately went digging into his phone and on the defense. we argued. a lot of nasty stuff was said but i went for the throat. i was regretting what i was saying as it was coming out of my mouth but i couldn't stop. by the time i started to try to de-escalate, he left and started sobbing in another room.

eventually, he came back to me and expressed he wanted comfort. i apologized and tried my best. i have a lot of regrets and guilt today. without lovebombing him, how can i take accountability and make it better? i know long-term i gotta work on managing my triggers and anxiety. that is an ongoing process, i just had a slip last night.

Big TW for suicidal thoughts. I really just need some support or advice on what to do.

I(21M) have had a rough year mental health wise. I have BPD and cyclothymia and it feels like they're getting worse every day. I don't have a plan for suicide, nor do I want to leave my family behind, but I feel like death is soon and inevitable. I genuinely cannot imagine living much longer. I'm so burnt out from work and I haven't even started college yet, which I know is going to make my life even harder.

I don't have any friends, my mom lives 2 hours away, and my dad acts more like an immature friend than a father. All I have is my sibling. I'm trying my hardest to give them space but I'm so afraid that I'm going to commit suicide that I just really need their support and attention right now. We've always been really close, but recently they got a boyfriend and they haven't been spending as much time with me. I feel like I'm begging for them to care about me now. I keep trying to tell them that I'm really not doing well but no matter how I word it it feels like they don't get the severity of it. I hate that I'm pushing it all onto them, but my therapist and psychiatrist aren't helping me much either.

I'm so afraid that my sibling is going to get sick of me and leave me.

I'm scared. I know this is stupid, but all I know about inpatient treatment is what I've seen in media and horror stories from friends who didn't go willingly.

I just started a 12-week FMLA from work because I'm losing basic daily function as the result my worsening mental health. My PCP is really good to me and takes my improvement really seriously and she's been telling me to do this for over a year, but it freaks me the fuck out. The idea of not sleeping in my own bed, surrounded by other people who are insufferably fucked up, cut off from the outside world, masking myself to death because I can't help it. How is that helpful? It sounds like shit.

Bully me into it. Tell me I'm being a baby. Tell me I've got it all wrong. I want to be well, but I'm scared.

I think my boyfriend is my FP, but he has a lot of friends and other stuff going on while I don't. I'm trying to keep myself busy with other things and/or find new friends but it's still very hard.

We're pretty early in the relationship and at the start we hung out much more than now. (We're long distance, visited each other.) We still spend time together online, but it really feels like it's gotten much less and I'm not being able to spend a lot of time with him in general. When he's with his friends or out doing other things, he rarely texts me, which is fine! Like.. I want him to be able to concentrate on other things. But how do I get over it?

How do I stop feeling so incredibly lonely and scared when we don't interact a lot?

Edit: He does text me more than any other person in his life, but it's not a lot for me compared to my earlier relationships. Maybe my autism also makes this more tricky, because change can be difficult.

Hi, so I've been dealing with severe depression for as long as I can remember and have gotten diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, and I'm just so sick of the constant switches. I try, I try so hard to be better. I'm in therapy, I put the work in, and it lasts for a little bit, and then ends. I'm currently on medication and have been for the past two years, on and off, and that has helped, but idk what to do. I just feel so hopeless and want to hear others' journeys or something to give me hope because I don't think I can go on like this for the rest of my life. (Sorry to complain)

I have 1 best friend who I can talk to anything about (she also struggles with mental health), which I’m incredibly grateful for. I know a lot of people don’t even have this. She lives in another state (US).

But besides her, I feel incredibly alone. On paper, it looks like I’m quite social. However, all the “friends” I have are so superficial seeming to me. I’m always feeling like I’m masking around them and get anxious before hanging out. They’re all extremely “normal” and neurotypical. I could never have deep, emotional conversations with them or feel vulnerable.

Where are all the other mentally ill people out there?? I love a high-functioning neurodivergent person. I feel more comfortable around them.
I’m wondering if the area I live in (small town, South, somewhat affluent) affects the sample pool for friends.

Anyways - does anyone else struggle with this?

It makes me feel so lonely even when I’m not technically alone.

I haven’t been in therapy (or any type of treatment whatsoever) since 2022. I’m finally seeking it out again because I just really need a neutral party to talk to and help figure out what I’m doing with my life. But I’m still pretty cynical about it. Unintentionally, I’m kinda going in with a negative mindset. I’m trying to push that aside but I’m worried I’ll end up with a therapist who’s either quiet/unhelpful and gives generic advice, or a “yes-man” that just encourages everything I do or say. I don’t want either of those. I don’t actually know what I do want or what I feel will help me. I constantly think about the phrase “no one can help you unless you want to help yourself” … do I want to help myself? Or do I want to just stay comfortable in my misery and toxic patterns? Idek.

I have a consultation tomorrow and I have no idea where to even start. I’m painfully self-aware of my issues and I’m a big oversharer so I’ll probably just end up yapping on and on for the first few sessions. I think my biggest issue is lack of a solid identity. Classic bpd, I know. Also I don’t plan to tell her that I’ve been diagnosed with Bpd before I want to just see what she thinks, does that make sense? What should I say if she asks about past treatment and diagnoses?

i wanted to know, are there any creators (preferably youtubers) who have or talk about bpd, or educate people on it? i wanna give my family some resources that isn't horribly biased or anything, and also for my own general education

I (26F) have diagnosed BPD and I am in DBT. I don’t have dangerous target behaviors, but I do become impulsive at times.

I am currently on a FP detox. I also deleted Instagram and Tik Tok so I don’t stalk her socials. I told her I would not text her for 2 weeks and she was supportive, and agreed it could be good for us (We are madly in love but she can’t be with me for a multitude of reasons outside both of our control).

Without the opportunity to daydream and overanalyze every word she says, I am BORED. SO INCREDIBLY BORED. It makes me want to drive through multiple states just to get away from here. It makes me want to break my sobriety (I won’t, but I want to).

I need novelty. What do you do when you’re craving excitement but can’t do anything extreme?

i have a current fp who pretty much ditched me right after i shared my vulnerabilities. they were nice and supportive at the start, we texted every day and they always checked in when i didn’t text them. they even reassured me that they’ll be here for me, etc.

but now that they know me better, they’re suddenly “very busy” and “need space”, and said i was never a friend or anything, just another mentee. they know i fear abandonment yet they hurt me like this anyway.

i’m so sad, hopeless, and most of all angry. angry at being reminded that BPD is still a part of me. angry at this exact situation happening again. angry at being deceived from the start, because it seems as if they were just getting me to open up to them, then discarded me the moment they decided they know enough. i’m not a book or a clown that provides entertainment, if you know what i mean. i feel manipulated, used.

i get these random bursts of anger, mostly when i go to sleep/wake up and throughout the day, where i just have to hit something and hurt myself for it to go away. i feel stuck in this attachment. how do i let go of this?

Hello!

tl;dr: Plagued by mental issues since 12 ys/o, 15 got diagnosed with depression and anxiety, late 19 early 20s diagnosed with bpd. Want to seek help but really afraid of losing so much opportunity to be someone I can be proud of. One with heavy battle scared experience.

Firstly.. throwaway account.. and copy from [r/mentalhealth](r/mentalhealth)

I'm really.. really sorry if this is the wrong place to come and ask.
I normally don't do post at all but I feel like it might be best, best if I was to ask from the many person who might've been in my position to really kick my snowball moving into doing some actual proper self-healing.

I'm 21 (I know I'm young) with a chronic history of mental health struggle since basically when I was 12. I've gone through the many hoops when I was 15 to seek the help I need by talk therapy, social work, talking to councilors. The works.

Nothing much happened, fast forward to 2024 I had the worst breakup ever lost my girlfriend of 2 years. But it was a tough one so it was bound to happen; and lost a good majority of my friendships. Thinking back to it, most of them was probably tied to people taking advantage of my young age for their satisfaction.. the ones that do have meaning, I know they moved to university or college and are busy so I refuse to talk to them.

I went to get help, it wasn't the greatest but I got in touch with a psychologist and Social Worker again around my late 19 early 20, I discovered I had a personality disorder that might be plaguing me. Forgive me, I know it's a horrible disorder, maybe you have some bad experience but.. it was BPD.

I know how stigmatized, career ending, and just straight up crap it is, doesn't help I also had 2 diagnosis from my teen (Mild-Severe Depression and Moderate anxiety); but I don't know, it felt like I suddenly saw everything I wanted to be, any of the plans I would take if I got help suddenly have guards ready to close them when i take my first step.

I'm still clueless, I don't know truely what I want to be; but the many of them I do. Military officer, Police Officer, just, anything that had to do with high mental fortitude.. just close.

I can't do justice and keep them away from my medical record. I wouldn't get the help I really need. But I can't help but feel, all the things that would've made me so much better, so proud of myself suddenly just shut like that.

I do have.. other careers such as nursing and what not.. but my issue is I want to seek for such battle scared experience that would define me as more masculine, more mature than what I want to be.

I feel stuck, stuck that I want to do.. be something but I can't with my health. And if I go into it.. the opportunity I would've taken if I wasn't so broken just disappear because my own actions of wanting help in my life just close them.

For once I want to be someone to myself. Not for someone else like I was playing during that last relationship.. but I feel so scared of suddenly losing the only few reasons opportunity to be that someone vanish because of my first step to recovery.

I'm sorry if it's too niche.. I'm only speaking out seeing if others who was, or similar could help me. Break free from this cage I built running away from facing the truth that hurts me.

I'm from the 51st state if it helps (Canada)

Edit: I'm not trying to ruin the name. But because of my bpd diagnosis, I feel like my life is now facing a wall or a really hard cliff. I'm unable to see a way around it without depending on just being a somebody else.

Edit2: deleted the original on [r/mentalhealth](r/mentalhealth) felt like I was being look down at more there.. sorry if it was worded weird I have to.. account for anybody there and what they view the disorders as.