My girlfriend and I are both women and have been together for years. We live in a country where same-sex relationships aren’t accepted, and our families are putting a lot of pressure on us to get married.
We’re considering a lavender marriage with two gay men. The marriage would be completely platonic—no romantic or sexual relationship, just honesty, mutual respect, and clear boundaries. Ideally, the two men would already be partners. We would all know the truth from the beginning, and the goal would be to build a safe life where everyone can live authentically without pretending to be someone they’re not

I understand it’s definitionally the drive to have sex but what does that actually mean? How do you experience that? What does it feel like?

Edit: I’ve been in the discovery process of my own sexuality and learning about asexuality. Sexuality is something I never fully had the chance to explore due to sexual abuse and exposure as a kid. I always had a weird relationship with sex and I’m just trying to figure out how other people see it.

The title says it all

I've seen these multiple words and I don't really get the difference between them...

So... What's the difference between a butch, a desfem, a *masc* woman and a tomboy (and if they are other similar terms, I'd be glad to learn about them)

Thank u <3

We’ve known each other since 5th grade and I love him dearly. We’ve always found our way back to each other despite long periods of just losing touch and contact or whatever. We talk constantly, but his severe alcohol use and denial of it is making me rethink things.

When he’s sober, he’s hilarious, empathetic, and a great listener. He offers sound advice and honestly when sober is more mature than a lot of my friends. But now, I’m confused about what to do. I’ve been hanging up on him and removing myself from our phone conversations when I can hear he’s drunk (something I started noticing in Jan FROM FAR AWAY, especially when a man would want to sleep with him but rejected him for more than that etc) and driving. I’m not sure what else I can do. But here are some of the other behaviors:

He drinks beer constantly, goes to work super early just to leave early and start drinking, drives drunk regularly, and has been in accidents before. He is severely underweight (per doctor) and lives almost entirely on McDonald's/Domino’s/Checker’s etc and beer. He used to show up to work really late like at 11am and would drink before work (he accidentally disclosed this to me once, likely while drunk).

This weekend, his parents (he still lives at home) confronted him after seeing him stagger on their ring camera footage and told him he has a drinking problem. He vented to me about being accused of such but sort of was like “yeah yeah, I know you think so too, I already know what you’re going to say before I share what they told me.” So he deflects and he has agreed to identify with the “high-functioning” parts in the past. But usually he says, “oh well just because you don’t drink often, doesn’t mean everyone is drinking so much alcohol that they’re an alcoholic. I just have to be aware everyone has their limits.”

He is currently exploring his identity as a gay man and is heavy with his internalized racism (we share the same racial background, but he constantly takes jabs at our community and exclusively seeks validation from older white men). He spends hours drinking at breweries or hooking up with a man in their late 30s and 40s to feel validated, while completely ignoring his health, diet and safety. I can’t help but think these identity parts are all connected. They love his size and body and the way he is a really good listener when sober. He offers more grace to these men than me! I don’t understand how it developed. I’m a cishet woman so maybe I’m missing something here. I don’t want to be offensive.

Yesterday, he called after drunk-driving home and asked how my day was. While I was telling him about my day, I heard him typing and he shared that he was texting his 40-something “main man” of all the men on his roster, asking for phone sex — while still on the phone with me! I hung up on him. But I called right back to apologize yet I was still baffled by how he didn't get why it was disrespectful. He didn’t remember anything I said and when we talk and he’s drunk, I can’t expect him to remember anything. It’s impossible to have a convo then so we don’t. But he said he was sad because the guy allegedly said no and hates talking on the phone. And then said he can’t multitask in talking to me and waiting for the guy to call so he said he had to go.

When he’s sober, he’s hilarious, empathetic, and a great listener. But those moments barely exist anymore. I can tell he's drunk over the phone from 3,000 miles away (he’s in DC, I’m in LA), and watching him destroy himself while using me as a filler between his men is making me anxious for him, even resentful and also just completely turned off from alcohol entirely. I would drink socially but now it just doesn’t seem worth it anymore.

Like I said, I love and care about him. But I was so glad to hear his parents confronted him even if they didn’t do it in the best way (his dad is an alcoholic too so the presentation admittedly was a little unserious). I know he was depressed when we were younger and didn’t think he’d make it past like 20. He shared recently now that he has, he feels behind and especially behind the men he’s seeing. I guess I’m not too surprised he’s coping with this unhealthily and refuses to see his therapist.

How do I navigate my role as his friend who does love and care about him, and sees a lot of what other people don’t see, but is starting to feel the complicated feelings that comes with being friends to someone experiencing these struggles?

Like every time we talk, he’s coming from or going to a brewery, he’s driving drunk or he’s like burping disgustingly from the beer he just drank (sorry I’m just a girl lol) and on his way to save one of his men from doing something harmful, to be there emotionally and also to cuddle/make out or more. I’m just like … you’re drunk again?!! Idk anymore.

I find some mixed labels like this confusing and when I ask why they identify that way because I'm curious and want to learn they think I'm being rude so I'm hoping Reddit could help explain this because I don't understand it.

I don't understand how you can be bi and a lesbian Or a woman or uses he/ him pronouns or vice versa? Could someone please help me out?

Someone told me i should not use that word because of its belittling connotations. I just want to respect everyone but idk a good replacement word other than gay woman which is also offensive.

Hello! Yall can call me tal/tallow, and im a 16yr trans girl. Ive been wanting to find someone who I can be with, but I have a handful of issues that get in the way. #1 is that im a gay trans girl, which limits my dating pool by alot ): #2 is that whenever ive previously been interested in someone (lets say at school) i develop this like overwhelming anxiety that stops me from functioning day to day. like if i saw the person i would drop whatever i was holding since my hands shook too much. and cuz of this, ive previously just avoided any people who i was interested in since i still needed to do stuff so like, i just waited till my feelings went away. ive been thinking that maybe being online might be easier? (just cuz that way there would be more common ground, and its hopefully easier). Thanks in advance for any advice <3

as a 32m, i've been struggling with my sexuality for the last 20 years, because it doesn't make sense in context of sexuality's 'boxes'. i know labels and boxes are terms we use to identify ourselves a bit neatly for when it's not that simple in theory, there's still experiences to factor in.

for example, in these last 20 years, i have had a decent amount of fantasies involving other men. in one year alone, i had 30+ hookups with other men. i have had a boyfriend for the last 5 years that, while we're not the most emotionally open with each other, we still really enjoy each other's company and have fun together. we live apart due to life circumstances. so if labels were to define it, it'd sound at least 'gay' right?

but then on the flipside, there's intrusive thoughts i get, and don't like, about women. enough that my face briefly contorts into disgust lmao. like 'oh do i care about them', 'am i attracted to this girl', 'do i find her attractive', etc. and it's like i get this gut twist feeling, maybe discomfort, when i do consider a guy attractive which makes me doubt if i *do* find a guy attractive. whereas with girls it's... fear? discomfort? it doesn't feel as heavy but still more like a pit in the stomach compared to the gut twisting.

so how do people trust their own feelings in regards to attractions and sexuality, when i see posts on reddit about how 'straight guys can have continous sex with other guys because it's easier access and still be straight', and similar posts? the thought process doesn't make a ton of sense when there can be a lot of 'evidence' and experience. can someone elaborate for me?

Hey everyone!!
Trans woman here. Lately seen a lot of hate from “LGB” people saying very mean things about transgender and honestly, i have no idea why.
Aren’t we all a minority? We all suffer oppression and harassment, why would we divide into “LGB” and everybody else?

Genuinely want to know the reason if there is someone who knows it!

we all know "love is love."

but what do we do with the people who say "love? what's that?".

you gotta understand I respect everyone in the lgbt and queer community, I don't try to provoce noone, okay?

I am a part of aromantic comunity and I used ro be scared to come out to my queer friends because I have seen people on Internet hardly hate on aroaces, asexuals and aromantics.

I would ask if the people in queer community really do hate or aroaces and others.

Since I don't really see much content from the "A" community on the Internet (i kinda think they are just scared of people judging them)

What's the correct way to talk about someone who has transitioned when referring to them in the past tense? For instance if I'm recounting a story about a trans person but the story occurred prior to their transition is it more appropriate to use their old or new pronouns?

I really wish I would be born a boy, but I'm AFAB. I don't like being a girl, and if I could, I would change it. I don't know if I feel dysphoria, because I am already used to my body, but I don't really like that I was born a girl. But I also think that I might be faking it, because I never felt like that before (I mean, when I was a kid, I didn't care about gender and I felt fine with being a girl, or I felt like I have no gender at all). But now, I feel sad about that I'm a girl, and I really want to have facial hair, deep voice, be fit like men, etc. what do you think? Might I be faking it?

so i'm not planning on coming out to like my parents or anything bc 1( im a minor and it's caused problems before so i don't want to do that again and 2( it would be useless.

but i do have a great friend group of people- a lot of which are also lgbt. They all know i'm a lesbian and i've been out to my friends and some family for 3 years now. But recently i've discovered that i'm genderfae/girlflux and my pronouns/name are really starting to get to me. I lean towards being non-binary/ girl on most days but idk she/her pronouns really bug me on days i feel more non-binary.

I haven't told anyone yet and i'd been thinking about trying they/them/fae/faer for a while now. But i think that would only stick around a few of my friends even though 90 % are lgbt, a lot of them don't really know a lot about genders/pronouns.

i was talking to a friend yesterday about pronouns and they said they just get weirded out by certain neopronouns. they said they don't mind zi/zer for example but when it got to things like squirrel/squirrelself it was too much. of course everyone is entitled to their own opinions but the fact that they were so sure made me a little bit more nervous to come out and ask them to use experimental pronouns.

i've also struggled a lot of with my name. I'm not sure if it's because i associate my name to my cisgender so much that i've strayed from liking it or if i've associated it so much with my home life that i've hated it but either way i've been wanting to change my name for as long as i can remember. I've used my middle name Janine in middle school and i loved it and everytime i hear an old friend call me that i get a little happy that they remember. The funniest part was that my middle school was a private christian middle school and i got to change my name under the premise of it being so common that there were three other girls with my name 🙂. (im gonna come back to this in a minute)

anyways i am a very non confrontational person so asking someone to use a new name/pronouns has always been hard. once i asked my bff to use janine and if it was too hard to remember that j/jay were also acceptable. She used j for a really long time over text but in person NOT ONCE. then she eventually stopped using j and when i asked a few months ago why she said it was "too hard to remember." i felt kind of hurt that she didn't even put in the effort dude. when i was in middle school- the private christian super anti gay one- took little to no problem with my using janine. I reallllllllllllyyyyyyy dk what to do. How do i just ask "hey can u use diff pronouns and a diff name for me?" besides genderfae is such a microlabel i feel embarrassed having to explain it to everyone. what should i do?

This is something I’ve seen online like he/they. I’m struggling to understand why you’d be good with he but not him. I haven’t met someone with them in real life but it seems like it’d be hard to keep track of

Hello! I’m in new territory here with my 13 year old daughter who identifies as bisexual and could use some guidance. My daughter and I have always had a close relationship, and I’d like to ensure that she continues to feel supported while still maintaining appropriate boundaries for a child her age. For years, she has been having sleepovers with her close knit friend group of 4 girls. Recently, she confided that she is now in a relationship with one of the friends. She would like to have another sleepover with her friends, but I am a bit worried now that there is a romantic relationship involved. I guess I just don’t know what is appropriate here considering I grew up in a very strict, conservative household (one I worked hard to reverse in my own family). Any suggestions on how to navigate this situation? I don’t want to say a hard no to her girlfriend sleeping over as that would exclude one friend out of the group. However, I honestly don’t know how comfortable I am with allowing my young child sleep with her girlfriend as I’ve always had a rule of no sleepovers with partners. This is just a bit more complicated due to the preexisting friendships.

Tl;dR: GQ posted an article about men kissing and called actors, singers, celebrities "straight men" in the title. People in comments are attacking them for assuming sexuality, specifically for Hudson/Connor (even though it was an umbrella and for more than just them) and even calls it biphobic. Do y'all believe them assuming the actors/singers/etc. are straight is bad? biphobic? tasteless and the article needs to come down? Is it really that bad or are all the people in the comments hyper sensitive?

I had seen a post by GQ on Instagram, they were posting part of an article. In it they were talking about how guy-on-guy kisses are becoming common amongst singers, actors, etc. They even said,

"When two conventionally attractive guys share a kiss outside of the context of a possible romantic relationship, the mania is reminiscent of the way America felt about two conventionally attractive women kissing 20 years ago."

They quoted kisses like Harry Styles and Ben Marshal, Alexander Skarsgård and Pedro Pascal, Heated Rivalry, and Zach and Bryce from love island. I didn't see anything problematic with the post, I actually found it interesting. Its not like they called the celebrities gay. They were simply mentioning how a bunch of seemingly straight men were kissing each other platonically. They said, "Love Island's Zach and Bryce aren't queer; they're bros." and quoted Harry Styles saying, "Now that's queer baiting." There wasn't any sexuality assumptions except the title.

"Why We Can't Get Enough of Two Straight Guys Who Want to Kiss"

Apparently everyone who view the post got stuck on that title. Sure there were 12.2k likes and 169 repost. But there were also 1.9K comments and all the top comments were criticizing them. Someone called the article weird, someone else said "Posting this in 2026 is a CHOICE." I'm assuming bc of the whole Two Straight Guys in the title. Others call it weird, said take it down, its embarrassing, its weird, called them out of touch with reality. One guy claimed they were trying to feminize men even more. But his replies roasted him. Point is, all these opinions has 100-1200 likes.

The biggest comments I noticed most however were people claiming they assumed the guys sexualities.

"'The two haven't publicly labelled their sexuality.' But you decided you could on their behalf?"

Everyone replied, "this," and "thankyou," but all caps. I was so confused bc I didn't see any labeling. Someone else commented "What straight Guys????" and "assuming anyone's sexuality in the big year of 2026?... do better." somebody claimed it to be heteronormative way of thinking and that they should stop. Sure its heteronormative. But the comment that hooked me most was

"Why are you just assuming you know their sexuality? Neither Hudson or Connor have publicly said they're straight. Hudson having a gf doesn't necessarily mean he's straight Bisexual men exist."

btw a lot of comments that were made about these Hudson or Connor guys were under that umbrella. Except in the article it was about more than just those 2 but I think everyone got stuck on them, and somehow believed the declaration was only for them. Anyways a reply under there comment was

"i agree 100%. biphobic people are horrible..."

That's the one that lead me to make this post. To be frank I don't think its biphobic at all. Now idk who these Connor or Hudson guys are. and why so many people care that they are declared straight. I'm assuming they're the actors for heated rivalry (which i have on my list) but I don't know why everyone declares they can't be straight bc they haven't declared it. They haven't declared they're gay either. the Hudson has a gf. I've experienced my fair share of actors behaving queerly. I enjoy Thai gl. every relationship are actors who were paired up to bait the fans. behave gay. if that actor is a main character in a romance, their pair is there partner. My favorite pairing, we the fans believe, one of them is straight. They have a boyfriend even if they behave sapphic, it is their job. Sorry they're actors. Ofc we wish they were queer, but we don't get butt hurt if an article puts them under a straight umbrella alongside 50 other actors unless they themselves claimed they aren't straight.

That was all the context, here's the questions. Do y'all actually have problem if a journalist assumes an actor/singer/etc. is straight when as far as we've seen, other than their roles, they haven't behaved queerly? Do y'all really think its biphobic? That in 2026 you can't assume someone's straight? Like ik its heteronormative, but the truth is most of the population is straight. Most actors, singers, celebrities are straight. That's just reality. Sorry. The likely option is that they're hetero. Do y'all get this offended by a journalist assuming that people in field full of straight people, is straight?

I feel even if someone said they don't assume straightness, unconsciously in your day to day, your assumptions are probably heteronormative.

The Post:

https://www.instagram.com/p/DbDQHJ7DO9l/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Sources I looked at to make sure I'm not making this post with the main mentioned actors being gay the whole time. Because that would just be bad:

ELLE Magazine
r/fauxmoi Reddit linking/quoting variety article

Hudson Williams Isn't Queerbaiting, He's Just Not Gay by imuRgency YouTube

I’m a 34f and recently got out of a five-year relationship with my ex (36M). I work for a big agency,because of the recent budget cuts, several employees from other departments joined ours. One of the new coworkers is a woman who’s probably around 37. She’s lesbian and for some reason I’ve found myself really attracted to her. I’ve never experienced this before, and it’s honestly confusing me. Part of me wonders if it’s because I just got out of a long-term relationship. She also has a similar build to my ex, so I don’t know if my brain is just latching onto something familiar or if it’s something else entirely.I’m not looking to act on it(idk tho)especially since we work together. I’m just trying to understand why I’m feeling this way. Has anyone else experienced an unexpected attraction after a breakup? Does this necessarily mean anything about my sexuality?

like, i think mens broad torsos and legs are hot, but for the most part, i feel more aroused by womens ..everything?

i know sexuality is very fluid, just wondering if there was a name or something to this or if anyone else related?

im a girl btw for context!!

Okay so I'm a trans man and I tell this to everyone cause that's why I am tho for myself I wanna find a micro label cause I don't totally feel like a boy it often switch between boy and agender

I am a boy tho I see no interest in gender and sometime I feel like I'm not connected to any gender but I want people to see me as a boy but it's like fluid

Idk if I'm really clear and if y'all need more info feel free to ask but I'd like to find a micro label just so I could know for myself :))

A little bit about myself, how is everyone? I’m (24F) lesbian looking to network and make friends in tech from the LGBT+ community.

I’m currently going through a very challenging and a difficult phase in my life. Growing up in Saudi Arabia as a lesbian and an immigrant was a challenge in itself, then finally being able to move to America after the difficult visa process and meeting my partner after being together for 2 years seemed like a dream come true. Until I graduated and realized that everything might be on the verge of collapse. The job market has been so brutal I graduated with Master of Science in Business Analytics from one of the top business schools in the nation, have a bachelor in Business Administration in finance, have 2 capstone projects under my belt and many projects but I STILL haven’t been able to get a single interview, I’ve been tailoring my resume, I’ve been getting new certifications, but there are just so many applicants, nothing beats a referral.
I wish I could actually make meaningful connections with people who understand what I’ve been through instead of cold messaging and emailing people, I’ve applied to over 1000 jobs, most of them are ghost jobs, and most don’t even get back, I’ve tailored my resume so many times that I’ve memorized every version of it.

I’m scared, I’m starting to look at the sky a bit longer than usual, when I hug my partner, I hold on just a little while longer, I genuinely have struggled my whole life from having diabetes and pancreatitis as a child to being outed in school and targeted by teachers middle school to high school as a child, being a woman in an Indian society who wants to get you married off, having virtually no support system and having to fight for my education, my dreams, my rights, my ambitions just to find happiness for a fleeting moment.

It is my most humble request, I have the ability and I have the skillset, I just need friends and a support system in this sector.
I don’t want to lose this, I have a duty as a daughter to take care of my old parents who took care of me, duty as the eldest sister to care for my baby brothers and their education, duty as a partner to give her the life she deserves for sticking with me through it all, duty as a person to do good, help people, especially children and women like me still stuck where I was once stuck.

I need help, I have never done this, please don’t hesitate to reach out to me through DM’s.

My boyfriend is transgender and is considering top and bottom surgery, I am completely fine with this and if anything I'm happy that he's doing what he needs to feel comfortable but I am just like wondering about bottom surgery, I completely understand top surgery but I don't know about bottom surgery, someone explain please.

I used to identify as bisexual but recently realized, that wasnt me. I dont know what i am. I saw a post about unlabeled and so i decided to look it up and found a reddit post asking why people identified as unlabelled, as it seemed like such a temporary thing. I want to identify as unlabelled because i do identify with it, androgynous, likes anyone, sees past masculinity and femininity, but im just so confused. I just want to know who i am

Hey so I (F21) broke up with my ex (M22) last month. We only dated shortly because I realised that our views don’t really align. He is very VERY religious which I didn’t mind since my whole family is also very christian (they are accepting of my sexuality and don’t mind that I’m an atheist). He on the other hand soon revealed that he was homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic etc… because of his beliefs. He told me how he wanted me to be his housewife/ stay at home mom/ very traditional and I felt very trapped (he also said multiple times that murder was acceptable if you repent etc. so I was already scared). When he found out that the guy I dated before him was trans he completely lost it and talked about how much of a sin that was and prayed for me. I was obviously shocked and wanted to leave but also afraid of what he would do to me. After some time he started asking me if I was queer because he heard some stuff from friends and became suspicious. I promised him that I wasn’t and that I would tell him if I was. From the title you can see that I luckily did manage to break up with him but now I’m wondering if I should tell him since he’s asked multiple times and views it as a terrible sin. I feel kinda guilty. Please be kind it was really hard to leave.