So I (34F) adopted my brothers kids who are now 10 and 2. He and his gf have been MIA (drugs and homeless 💔) for about 3 years now. I could go on about the history here and why I came to the decision of adopting my kids but I’d rather not. It’s just sad. And adoption was the option that made most sense for the kids and myself.

So here I am- almost 1 year post adoption (3years of parenting) and my kids are so amazing but I’m also totally drowning. I yearn for a partner and I have no idea how to date with kids. I’m prioritizing them in all the ways that can, but I feel like I’m loosing myself- or at least I have no idea how to carve out time for myself. I have a small support system (family) but it’s not much in the way of childcare. I basically just get to work and then any other free time I want is tough to negotiate. Can’t afford childcare.

I want to note that I also want a partner because I want my kids to know and see what a healthy relationship looks like and I I know they would absolutely benefit from a male influence in their life. They are two MIRACLES and I want to give them the best alternative to their bio parents as I can.

I guess I’m looking for a little encouragement.. and hope.. anyone have a similar experience or know someone who’s done this?

Hi everyone,

My husband and I are still several years away from making any decisions about adoption, but it's something I've wanted to learn more about.

I'm not looking for validation or to argue—I genuinely want to learn from people who have lived through adoption. I know adoption is a lifelong journey, not simply a way to grow a family, and I understand there is a great deal of education involved before anyone is approved, including the home study process, PRIDE training, and other required preparation. I'm trying to start learning now, well before we would ever begin that process.

I'd love to hear about things like:

- What surprised you most about adoption?

- What do you wish you had known before starting?

- What books, podcasts, or resources would you recommend?

- If you're an adoptee or birth parent, what do you wish prospective adoptive parents better understood?

- What challenged your expectations?

I'm especially interested in hearing both positive and difficult experiences. I'm not expecting adoption to be simple or perfect—I want to understand it as honestly as I can.

Thank you to anyone willing to share their story. I truly appreciate people taking the time to help educate someone who is still at the beginning of this journey.

Good day! I am a 3rd year student from FEU and I am currently undertaking my thesis on LGBTQ+ parenthood and the adoption process in the Philippines. 😊

My thesis explores the legal and social challenges experienced by same-sex couples in the Philippines during the adoption process. Understanding the context firsthand would greatly help in the success of this study. 🫶

I am looking for interviewees who fit the category
- LGBTQ+ parents with adopted children
- Must be currently living in NCR, Philippines

Kindly DM or reply here if anyone is interested. Thank you and have a wonderful day!

Hi everyone, I’m new here! My husband and I are in the very early stages of beginning our adopting journey. One thing that genuinely worries me is that we’re both 36-37. I worry the time/stress/perception of adopting later in life. I’d love to hear from other older adoptive parents? This would be our first.

Edit: just wanted to thank you guys for sharing your stories and your support! This process is overwhelming but it helps to know that others around my age have had success!

It’s long but I think the context matters.

If you can’t bare**, skim and TL;DR version: I have 2 adopted girls, unplanned kinship situation - Parents are around, but not really. They randomly pop up at some family events, this makes it tough. Both girls were subjected to neglect and more emotional harm than physical but my 13yo AD was also favored. My 6yo AD was actively ostracized due to being opioid positive at birth, leading to their removal, blamed. PTSD, anxiety, and attachment issues resulted. Other, older male sibs were abused to make them “masculine.” Not addressed, everyone knows the truth but that part of the case was never substantiated by courts. The dad is very big on loyalty, you’re either in or OUT. Parents take no accountability for any harm, refused addiction and mental health help but allegedly stopped the “hard drugs,” while still indulging in alcohol and other, lighter drugs. Also still unstable and DV still ongoing. Parents withdrew well before their rights were terminated. Older boys independently reached out and now have occasional contact, their guardian doesn’t want the fight. Parents manipulate older boys, buying their loyalty. My 13yo AD also wants back in, feels abandoned. The parents have my phone number. AITA for not re-initiating contact on her behalf? Can I let one child see parents, not the other?**

The bio parents of my 13yo AD are my maternal aunt and her BF. I also have her younger 6yo sister. It was supposed to be temporary foster care while she was dealing with years of untreated mental illness that led to alcoholism, drug addiction, unemployment, houselessness, and an abusive partner who also has mental illness (dad). It sucks, the parents needed help themselves but they were not ready for it. The system failed in someways but they also had chance after chance and way longer than the usual 18months-2years before reunification is ever even ruled out.

They have other sons, 4 are formally in the system and have new legal guardians/adoptive parents and 2 or more, whereabouts unknown to the family due to parents going MIA, an incarcerated birth, etc. The 6 children witnessed the abuse, were left alone in unsafe places, driven around while intoxicated/police involved, and emotionally, educationally and medically neglected. The older boys were also physically and psychologically abused. They had CPS investigations before and even bragged about up and leaving a city to evade placement of the children previously. But the youngest was positive for opioids at birth and they had no where to run during the pandemic. That started the court involvement. I have had them for 4.5 years. After 5.5 years in court, the parents’ rights were terminated.

The now 6 year old had reactive attachment issues and I became her stable maternity figure, after about 3 years I stopped correcting her from calling me mom and taught her that she has 2. From the beginning, I made sure I showed her pictures and taught who her parents were even when they were MIA. We still have pictures up but she’d barely recognize them, to this day she misidentifies strangers in the street as them. We did therapy for her between 3/4 and her behaviors improved. The 13yo still has PTSD with ongoing anxiety issues and was in court ordered but unhelpful therapy so I have been in the long process of finding one who specializes in her issues, (the child MH system sucks in our city).

Throughout the process the parents were (and they remain) very unstable and inconsistent in terms of sobriety, visits, housing, employment, contact with the children and/or the courts. They refused mental health and addiction support, blaming others and stating that they just needed to keep a job and a house while also denying their children’s trauma and unmet needs, stating that all their kids needed was to be with them. You can imagine the impact of the ups and downs and ins and outs on the kids even during the court process. Very early on, the parents even attempted a couple unauthorized visits when a restrictive court order was in place, especially with the 13yo, (their prized girl/favorite child only because the dad, who also told the middle 4 children, that the other girl (my 6yo) was to blame for ruining the family by being born- with the drugs in her system)…

They did have a few months of partial sobriety here and there, mom did one detox program, and they held down jobs here and there, and a house once, for a few months before being evicted for nonpayment. After 3.5 years I finally got off the roller coaster, and aside from complying to whatever visitation and court ordered contact they were allowed, I stopped enabling. I stopped my girls from the pain of their ignored voicemails or subsequent texts letting them know that one or the other was asking for them, and all the lies, and broken promises. I just stopped initiating and I explained it to the girls in a developmentally appropriate way. The parents gave up long before the termination, they never came to dr/dental appts, school events or conferences, ER visits, bday calls, nothing. The calls were only about “isn’t this bad that they took you, i cant wait til we get you back.” I always tried to keep the door/communication open to discuss the children’s needs and their impact on them. I admit I was so hopeful. I had had many conversations with both parents up until then, more often my aunt of course. I reasoned, bargained, empathized, pleaded, as I advocated for a teamwork approach to support the kids. They were hurting I’m sure, resentful, and still in need of healing themselves. So of course I was also scapegoated, “I stole their children.”

During those years of the visits and contact, my then younger, 6yo was treated differently. And sometimes the boys too. They bought gifts and treats only for my 13yo and sometimes not even their sons. They always had a reason, we left it home, she can’t eat this thing, she can’t play this game, she’s too young, her birthday was most recent, we got y’all next time, etc. As she got older, my 6yo of course started communicating it and would cry to me about literally being neglected at those visits and on those calls. The workers who were supposed to be supervising the contact, ignored that, but thats another story. Later this behavior transferred over to family events. A fews times toward the ending of the court involvement and then the eventual adoption, their parents started popping up to our extended family events, but carrying on in these same ways. Only my 2 girls would be present but they’d prioritize and bring gifts for the now, 13yo. I was always family oriented and introduced my girls to a lot of their extended family, our village. So I couldn’t help but feel like they were crashing the events because while they popped up drinking (at the least) and oblivious, acting as if all was normal to save face, they also held side conversations rallying against me with the narrative that i stole them. And even had those convos with my 13yo and their sons. While most family challenged and defended me, others (in need of their own addiction healing and carrying out in similar ways as the parents) sympathized with them. They say they’re sober from the “hard drugs” and theres no reason I shouldn’t let them see the girls…

I say all this to say that, now at 13 I see that my AD is desperate for that relationship. A couple times she was noticeably cold to her parents at these family events but she was also always the princess in their eyes, like an only child really, spoiled, never heard no. “Freedom” Was even exposed to age inappropriate things and of course the safety issues but never no physical harm. Lots of fun memories. Some scary ones that she shares with me here and there and in therapy but other times, she loses her memory and says thats not true, (classic PTSD) nothing bad ever happened except the actual separation. It’s all mostly emotional and psychological harm, it’s hard to help her understand. She misses it. She missed them.

We stay close to their brothers but theres still some awkwardness between them all. Of course because of all they been thru, (i’ve also rallied multiple times for family therapy for the sibs but it was never taken seriously). The weird thing is that 3 of the brothers (who are 16-18yo) recently shared with the girls that they are in contact with the parents. They track down good numbers or use social media and have inconsistent contact and visits with them. Their legal guardian is ”tired of the fight” and is aloof saying the parents can take them if they want due to the way the behaviors and conflict has played out in her home. She’s dealt with the parents threatening her and coming to her home unannounced, giving the boys money for things she’d told them they couldn’t have, even transporting them places without permission and encouraging the boys to lie to her or disrespect her. She’s not kinship either so idk if thats plays a factor. But of course now the boys brag about basically being brought by the parents. They’re finally “the favorites” now. And I know that kills my 13yo. And i think in some ways she does need her parents. And even her brothers only respond when the girls reach out, or I initiate a visits with this guardian. And of course they’re just kids, -teens, -boys, at the end of the day. But to her it just feels like they’re moving on without her. It feels like straight up abandonment.

There was even a facetime bday call when the boys were out at dinner with the parents and other paternal family so they passed the phone around the table letting the girls talk to everyone who was grabbing it out of their hands. But at the end before hanging up, the one brother flipped the camera and secretly showed that the parents were also present. During the whole call they said nothing so of course the 13yo screamed out “Mom, Dad.” Only then did mom speak, just a simple “hello, How are you,” couple pleasantries and then in the hustle and bustle the boys ended the call. Parents never took hold of the phone, dad barely said a word. And to top it off, the 13yo’s birthday was also just a few days earlier. We talked afterward, I was sure it was confusing but to this day she just says it was “nice.” Nice to see and talk to them. I know that was like a knife, such complicated feelings. Another day she also said, maybe now they’ll start to call us… “hopefully”… they never did. This was the last contact. The family events that we have been to, they haven’t shown.

I’ve done my own therapy. Sometimes I’m torn and guilty and other times I feel resolved in not reaching out to the parents. But the thing is, i never drew a hard boundary. I never had to. My number has always been the same and I never stopped them from calling their children. I just stopped initiating the unanswered calls. They just fell back more and more and I stopped forcing it. Other than these random family events where at the end, the girls would ask them to “call us sometimes” and to potentially see about visits again, I confirm my SAME number and say its the SAME, its even repetitive and very easy to memorize by the way. The parents promise to, but never do. And i do know that once they do, it will have to start with a convo between us adults and some boundaries. But now with more time passing by, I reluctantly shy away from some of the family events. Because idek if/when I would ever allow the 6yo to be with them for an extended period time, and definitely not unsupervised. She got so confused in the thick of things back then, and it was all really harmful. Now the girls have asked to call a couple times now and i just remind them that I don’t even have a number to reach them, and that we are waiting for the parents to be ready for them. Idk if thats right. Idk if i should initiate contact for my 13yo. Can I allow one without the other. Idk, AITA? Who’s been in this similar position, what are your suggestions?

My husband and I are in the final stages of being licensed to adopt through our state. One of the things our social worker needs us to answer is who would care for our children in the event we both die.

We both have family that we can ask, but how to you approach that subject? We do not have any children so this is not something we have had to think of or discuss before.

I feel like our parents are an obvious choice, but they are in their 50s and even though I think they could handle raising kids again, I'm unsure if they would be the right pick since they're aging.

Can you add multiple people in a Will? Like a line that says if grandparents are unable to manage care, child's uncle would be our next choice.

My wife and I are a same sex couple , hoping to adopt some years into the future. We're saving up for the fees and for a home if we can.

We currently live with her elderly parents to help care for them.

Ive been trying to research good places to potentially adopt from. But I want it to be ethical and alot of the places I'm finding just dont seem to be.

I feel lost and unsure where to start. We want to do this right

Hi, everyone.

My name’s David. My partner and I are a same-sex couple living in Scotland. We’re almost at the end of our assessment stage and looking to join a support group of fellow adopters to gain more knowledge and insight and to also expand our social circles.

We’d be grateful for any support.

Thanks.

Hey all my husband and I are starting to look at adoption and I’m very overwhelmed with were to start. We live in Iowa and there aren’t a ton of agency’s so it’s hard to know what a good one is, does anyone have a recommendation? Is there anything we can work on before an agency? Is a consultant worth the extra cost?

Has anyone had an experience where the biological parents moved close to you, like within the same neighborhood?

Did the relationship change at all? Did you have to setup additional boundaries?

Hi everyone.

My husband and I are interested in exploring adoption. We would love to welcome a child between the ages of 1-3 into our family.

I know we have so much to research and explore.

Would anyone mind sharing around what the actual financial cost was? We live in New York. Due to our specific circumstance, fostering to adopt is not what we are looking for.

Thank you so much. I would greatly appreciate any insight from parents who have been through the process.

My husband and I are Long Island NY based and starting the adoption process. We are looking into both adoption from foster care (for children who are already eligible to be adopted) and infant adoption. If anyone could provide guidance on either process it would be so greatly appreciated. I’ve been doing my own research on some agencies to see what they have to offer and contacted about webinars where I can, but would love to hear experiences from people who went through agencies / went through the county for foster care adoptions and everything in between! We are so excited but a bit overwhelmed.

Hello guys! We almost have our home study approved and the next step is paying the $35K “go live” fee to our agency. We will get $20K back from my husband’s employer, but we cannot be reimbursed until after the adoption is finalized. Then with the tax credit of $17K, that should cover the rest.

We have been looking at different loan options to use temporarily. Most of the low/zero interest options we are seeing are for Christian families and do not allow same sex couples to participate. Just wondering if you guys have any recommendations of loan companies you used.

Thank you!

After struggling with infertility, my husband and I are starting to explore adoption and trying to find an agency that feels supportive and trustworthy.

Any advice, recommendations, or personal experiences would mean a lot as we begin this journey.

Edit: While researching, I came across A Adoption Advocates of Georgia and was interested in their services, including counseling, home studies, and support throughout the adoption process. They seem to have a more personal approach compared to some larger agencies, but I’d really love to hear from anyone who has experience with them or other agencies in the area.

Hello everyone, me and my spouse are looking to adopt in the next few years for a child or sibling set around the ages for 6-10 how feasible is that? Most posts are about infants and we want to give a home for children already waiting for a family.

Hi,

My husband and I live in New York and we are interested in exploring adoption. We prefer a private adoption and are open to domestic or international.

Can anyone recommend the most reputable agencies? Thank you so much.

My husband and I are about to do three rounds of IVF and if those three don’t work, we are moving to adoption. I would love to hear your experiences on infant adoption and how long it took for you to get matched. Thank you for any and all responses.