Am I the only one who feels like if you value/choose attachment parenting, your choices are undermined the second you have any sort of complaint?

I love attachment parenting with my 4 month old. It feels so intuitive for me, and it’s absolutely the best choice for our family. I love breastfeeding on demand, baby and I both LOVE contact naps, room sharing at night (and the occasional bed sharing oops), taking her everywhere with me, no childcare, simply because I don’t want to be away from her, other than grandparents (who want to be babysitting and also value their relationship with baby). We are in love and I regret nothing.

BUT. I feel so alone in my journey of motherhood. I have a lot of friends with babies, none of which practice much of the same values.

If I say I’m tired, I’m hit with “she should be sleeping in a different room and cry it out” If I say breastfeeding through the night is tiring, I get “gasp oh no she shouldn’t be waking up to feed anymore maybe you should switch to bottles/formula” If I complain I didn’t get much done today, I get “you really need to be crib napping her so you can do the things you love doing before you became a mother” etc.

Okay. Can’t I love and value these precious moments and time I’ll never get back with my baby *and* feel that it’s hard?

Me and my partner attachment parent. Because of this I do feel like our mental health has suffered. We dont regret our decision to raise our son that way its just we didnt realise how much it was going to take from us. This is all fine, knowing we're raising our boy with love and comfort. However, we were always going to have another baby but now the thought of doing all this again... i dont know if we can Its been so hard. I dont know if i could even put the same amount of devotion to another child i feel like id be stretched so thin.

We co sleep on a floorbed, partner in his own room. I EBF, and fed on demand. He's 14 months now so obvs on solids. We contact napped and still do, unless I can roll away.

If you went from 1 to 2, how was it?

If you kept at 1, are you happy with you decision?

I am going to be going back to work in Sept of 2027. My daughter was born in July 2025 (just turned one!) I am an extended breastfeeder. My first breastfed for 4.5 years and my second for 3 years. I did manage to work while breastfeeding - never pumped just fed when I was home. I also cosleep. My daughter co sleeps for almost all of her naps now.

What can I do a year out to prepare my daughter for my return to work? When I went back with my other 2 I remember feeling wildly unprepared, however they spent the day with a grandparents for at least my first year back to work. She spend a few hours a week with her grandparents. She will be going to daycare when I go back to work, the place my other 2 went to.

Does anyone else’s baby get separation anxiety upset from FaceTime?

I’m new to co-parenting a 10 month old (who has separation anxiety) while going through a contentious divorce. Today was her first full day away from me with her father who she hasn’t seen in person for a few months (I didn’t get every thing I wanted in the temporary visitation agreement so we’ve done outside the court order to get her used to him with short visits prior to this). She was upset for much of the day according to my mother who brought her to the public visitation meeting place (to be there if she’s needed but hang back). She has recordings of her crying at different points. I believe that the visitation schedule ordered is way too abrupt given the circumstances.

I did a FaceTime and the baby started crying and got red in the face. The father and his mom immediately documented on Our Family Wizard and text that it was the “only time she cried today” (not sure if that’s to try and paint me as a bad mother). I told them I had evidence that is untrue but that we just need to help her adjust. But I feel bad that she cried and I also fear another narrative will be twisted that she doesn’t like me or something.

Is separation anxiety on FaceTime real?

I am at my wits end.. How do I get my toddler to connect her sleep cycles during nap without the boob?!

Context: I nurse my 20-month-old to sleep for both nap and bedtime, and she nurses throughout the night (we cosleep and that works well for our family). I don’t want to wean yet and I am honestly totally okay with nursing her to sleep! That’s not the issue.

The problem is she can't seem to connect her sleep cycles during naps without nursing. She wakes every 20 to 80 minutes and needs to nurse back to sleep. Often I’m able to slip away after settling her, but sometimes she'll only stay asleep if she's latched, so I end up trapped in bed for another hour or two listening to my audiobook. On those days, if I unlatch her she immediately wakes/stirs and searches for boob again.

I would LOVE to get her to consistently connect her sleep cycles without needing the boob. I need to reliably be able to get some work done around the house and have a moment to myself! Right now the afternoons feel like total dead time, because even if I’m not in bed with her, I have to be ready to drop what I’m doing at a moment’s notice.

Is the only way around this to stop nursing her to nap? Will that even be possible while I still nurse her to sleep at bedtime? 

Some more details:

• She has always slept in a pitch black room with sound machine on
• She has no attachments to stuffies, doesn’t take bottles, has never done a paci
• I’ve tried playing with sleep pressure - putting her down to nap earlier and later, can’t figure out any correlation with this.
• When she wakes, I've tried cuddling, rubbing her back, shushing, etc., but if I don't nurse her she just cries and is awake.
• Her dad could in theory help with naptime for like a week or so to help break associations, but then I would need to be responsible for putting her down for naps again. 
• When she wakes up in between sleep cycles, it’s clear that she WANTS to keep sleeping. She will nap for 3.5-4 hours sometimes (with resettling), so I don’t think this is about needing a shorter nap.
• We are going to continue bedsharing, and I don’t necessarily want to wean her from nursing to sleep at night… though I guess I could go that route if it holistically makes the most sense.

Any words of wisdom or success stories? Has anyone successfully kept nursing to sleep while helping their toddler connect nap sleep cycles independently? Or was dropping nursing at nap the only thing that worked?

How can I meet my toddler's needs when what she needs is for me to be next to her all the time? I cannot wear her because she hates it. I also cannot keep the house clean enough that we won't get sick (because I've accepted my house will be constantly a bit dirty and always a mess) while holding her. I cannot cook while holding her. And if I'm not right next to her, she screams her head off and it makes me want to punch myself in the face. I cannot do anything, and it's been like this for over a year, I'm losing it. And my husband does even more than I can, so it's not like I'm doing this alone.

I've spent this entire morning doing stuff, cooking, cleaning, tidying up a bit, and she's been next to the baby gate screaming. Just screaming. How am I supposed to do this? Should the dishes just stay dirty? Should I just skip my breakfast and give her some ultra processed food? What about the mess that's going to bring ants? I don't know what to do.

Edit: I've had some time to calm down a bit, meaning I cried while reading her a story, and I realised that she was actually playing by herself most of the time I was busy. She started to scream at me for the last 20 minutes or so. I'm just so exhausted.

Our 18-month-old will be starting daycare this fall. Our long-term plan is for them to attend every other day until they turn 3. However, we've heard from several people that inconsistent attendance can make the adjustment period harder, especially at the beginning.

We're wondering if it would be better to have our child attend every weekday for a while to establish a routine, and then switch to the every-other-day schedule once they're settled.

Does that sound like a good approach? If you've done something similar (or work in childcare), how long would you keep the daily schedule before transitioning to every other day?

I'd love to hear your experiences and any advice. Thanks!

Has anyone weaned a 2.5-3 year old that still breastfeeds all day and night? My son is 32 months and I’m waiting till this last molar is through to start weaning. We cosleep and he wakes frequently so the night is where I’ll start. We tried once but it didn’t feel like the right time as he really struggles with teething, he has a sensitive temperament and LOVES boobie. Should I start with the bedtime feed or leave that til last? Any general advice? I’ll be doing it gradually to give my hormones time to adjust. I have a couple of books on weaning already and plan to tell him “boobies are sleeping” at night. And then “mummy gave you all the milk” when I’m ready to day wean. He’s only just started tantruming (maybe tiredness from dropping his nap?) so I’m pretty nervous about that but I’m also SO ready to be done.

Hello everyone,

​I’m looking for some advice, encouragement, or real success stories because my heart is breaking and my head is spinning with guilt.

​My son is 19 months old. He is breastfed (always nursed to sleep and during the night) and we have co-slept since birth. We live abroad in Germany with zero family around, so he’s deeply attached to me and his dad.

​He started Kita (daycare) 3 months ago. He actually enjoys playtime in the garden, eating with the kids, and he loves his teachers. But when it comes to naptime, it’s been a struggle. They tried putting him to sleep a few weeks ago without success, so I kept picking him up at 12:30 PM.

​Today, we are trying again for the 2:00 PM pickup. My heart feels so small right now.

​Because I am currently not working (though I’m actively looking for a new job, doing house stuff, thinking about a second baby, and honestly haven't even had time for basic self-care like blood work or a massage in two years), the guilt is consuming me:

​Is it really necessary or good for him to sleep there right now if I’m at home?

​Am I "ruining" his ability to sleep by still nursing him to sleep at home? Will he EVER sleep without the breast?

​Am I traumatizing him by letting the teachers try to settle him?

​How do I settle my own mind and make peace with this decision?

​If I had a strict 9-to-5 job right now, I wouldn't have the space to overthink this—it would be an absolute necessity. But since I'm at home, I keep questioning if I'm doing the right thing for his age.

​Has anyone been through this with a high-needs, breastfed toddler? Did they eventually figure out how to nap at daycare while still nursing/co-sleeping at home?

​Thank you so much for reading. 🤍

This is a silly question—quite possibly from my inner child. I am a mother of two. One is turning three this year, the other was born this year. Is it normal for maternal grandparents to sort of bypass the mother, and only care about their grandchildren (i.e.: time with their grandchildren)?

My relationship with my mother is tumultuous—she has been very hard on me since I was a teenager, and now she has expressed that she feels she has every right to speak to me however she feels like (she often will yell at me, and say insulting things to me and about me), and according her to her it’s fine because she’s my mother and she “knows” who I am and I deserve this treatment. But is it normal for her to continue that and then expect full access to my children because in her words “the love of a grandmother and her bond with her grandchildren” is so deep and I could not understand it? Shouldn’t she be somewhat genuinely interested in my experience becoming a mother, and in my well being, and want to build a healthy relationship with me? Sorry…sometimes I really struggle with this and feel so down because I wish she could be my friend, and I wish she’d stop hating on me so much. She had a hard childhood but this feels like emotional abuse.

​

Li vários posts aqui sobre isso, mas senti a necessidade de compartilhar minha história também, para descobrir como lidar com a situação.

Nosso relacionamento completaria 8 anos em setembro e temos uma filha de 3 anos.

Nosso relacionamento já teve muitas desavenças, principalmente por ciúmes e falta de comunicação. Depois que nossa filha nasceu, as coisas só pioraram. Ao longo do último ano, estivemos perto de terminar algumas vezes, mas, por causa da minha persistência, continuamos juntos. Estávamos bem — ele até tinha começado a dizer que me amava novamente — e então, de repente, devido ao estresse de ambos os lados, ficamos cerca de 3 dias conversando apenas quando necessário. Ontem ele veio falar comigo, dizendo que o objetivo da conversa era terminar, mas que ele não ia realmente fazer isso. Ele conseguiu me fazer perder a paciência, jogar meu anel no chão e sair. Então começamos a conversar sobre uma separação de verdade e como lidaríamos com as coisas em relação à nossa filha... mas estou arrasada. Eu o amo muito e não queria que nossa família terminasse assim. Fico pensando muito em como minha filha vai reagir e aceitar isso com o passar do tempo. Estou me sentindo péssima — mal consigo comer e estou com pressão alta. Hoje mandei uma mensagem para ele perguntando se ele concordaria em dar um tempo, mesmo que fosse só por um mês, para que pudéssemos nos acalmar e tentar de novo — pela nossa família, pela nossa filha. Ele ainda não me respondeu; não sei se ele vai responder ou simplesmente me ignorar.

Alguém já passou por algo parecido e poderia me dar algum conselho, por favor? Estou me sentindo tão perdida, preocupada com a minha filha e completamente de coração partido.

Hi,

I was shared this blog from someone close to me who just had a baby. Is what they're saying true? How can I respond to help them?

https://www.developmentalscience.com/blog/2017/3/31/what-is-a-secure-attachmentand-why-doesnt-attachment-parenting-get-you-there

Thanks!

Looking for some advice/stories regarding sleep when going from 1 child to 2. My daughter will be 3.5 years old when my 2nd is due and my husband and I are trying to plan ahead. We attempted sleep training around 5-6 months old with her that did not go as planned and switched to cosleeping for at least part of the night. One of us will lie with her until she falls asleep at night which can sometimes take up to an hour and then when she wakes up in the middle of the night, the other parent will go over and sleep with her till morning.

So now looking ahead at the newborn sleep deprived stage, my husband thinks that our current sleep setup is going to make things worse and wants to start working on sleep training. I would love to hear how others have navigated this. One of our non-negotiables is that our daughter has to sleep in her room since I leave for work very early in the morning and do not want to wake her so unfortunately everyone cosleeping together is not an option. I’m open to sleep training as long as she still feels supported but definitely quite scarred from our initial experience with it.

Our 2 year old (who will be 3 in October) has never been a great sleeper and is definitely low sleep needs but the last 6 months have taken a turn for the worst. In a nutshell:

- He still naps about 1 hour a day (we cap it at that)
- Asleep most days by 8:45-9:00 PM. We used to sit by his crib and pat him to sleep but have started sitting in a chair further away and letting him settle on his own which we are accomplishing slowly. We’ve never considered letting him cry it out.
- Wakes up at least once a night, some times twice, crying and needing a lot of support to go back to sleep, sometimes 1 hour or longer where we have to sit by his crib and pat him. We thought changing the approach to bedtime would help him settle better in the middle of the night, but it has not.
- He is up for the day at 6:00-6:30 AM.
- He’s generally a very high energy kid and has a tough time winding down, we have tried incorporating some sensory routines throughout the day, but have not seen a difference.
- He does not like co-sleeping, and every time we have brought him into our bed in the middle of the night it has ended up being worse. Our bedroom also does not have shades.
- He is very sensitive to any external factors that can affect his sleep, noise, light in the morning, we do use a sound machine and shades that keep the room quite dark, but not fully blackout.

Looking for tips from anyone who may have gone through a similar thing with their toddler and what worked to improve their sleep. My husband and I try to do one night each, but are absolutely exhausted, especially after nights where he is up twice, and we are both up at some point with him. It also makes it impossible to leave him with family overnight if we ever want to have a night off. He is still in a crib, and we have considered moving him to a toddler bed, but the pediatrician said with his sleep being that bad he doesn’t recommend doing that just yet if there isn’t a safety reason to do it (he has never tried to climb out of his crib).

My toddler has a cousin bout the same age(3), but he’s much bigger and stronger than she is.

We were at the pool, and he smacked my daughter in the face because she didn’t want to share the toys she had brought (she was sharing but just not her special bucket to which I allow). She immediately started crying. In the moment, all I managed to say was, “Guys, don’t fight.” Looking back, I wish I had gone straight to my daughter, checked on her, and said, “Are you okay?” Instead, because she’s not usually a big crier, she calmed down pretty quickly and went back to playing. It wasn’t until later that night that it hit me that I never actually checked in with her. I apologized to her, told her I was sorry I didn’t ask if she was okay, and reminded her that I love her.

What makes this situation more complicated is that his mom (my sister-in-law) was standing right there. She saw the whole thing happen and didn’t really intervene. She just chuckled and said, “Oh, kids.” That surprised me because when her son hits his younger sister, she takes it very seriously and doesn’t laugh it off or when my daughter hits her kid, I always intervene.

The reason I didn’t say more is because my sister-in-law and I have a rocky history. When my daughter was around 18 months old, she went through a hitting/biting phase, and my sister-in-law would get very upset with me, even though I always stepped in and corrected my daughter. We’ve had multiple arguments over the years.

There was even a time when she tried disciplining my daughter in a way I wasn’t comfortable with. She raised her voice at her and clapped while saying, “NO HITTING!” I later told her I wasn’t okay with her disciplining my child because I felt she was much harsher with my daughter than she was with her own kids. Since that conversation, she’s respected that boundary kind of. She still jumps in when she feels it’s necessary even though it always bothers me but I bite my tongue.

So yesterday, I found myself walking on eggshells. I was so focused on avoiding another family argument that I think I underreacted when my own daughter got hurt.

For those of you who have navigated family dynamics like this, what would you have done?

If another child hits your child and their parent is standing right there but doesn’t intervene, do you say something to the child yourself? If so, where do you draw the line between protecting your own child and parenting someone else’s? Also, how do you find your confidence in motherhood? I feel like I never know how to handle hard situations and doubt myself and my ability to parent correctly but I want to be more confident.

I have a 13 month old and since 10 months onwards he seems to have a strong attachment to dad.

What happens is me (mom) and baby will be chilling out or playing and then if dad happens to walk in or walk by then baby will start crying and want dad. And now he's in toddler mode, these moments can trigger some intense feelings.

I do twice as many waking hours with the baby, because dad does nights. So on a weekday I do the morning, then the evening with baby. On weekends I'm on baby duty pretty much all day with some reprieves.

Dad does nights, but baby has slept throught the night since 3 months of age. So it's every now and again that he'll comfort the baby if the baby is ill and has night wakings. I also do nights from time to time as I love falling asleep to the sound of my baby breathing, so it's not a constant.

On weekdays dad does the final feed at night and puts baby to sleep. On weekends he does the same but will have a few hours of baby duty during the day where he'll take baby to a café.

The ratio of time that we spend with the baby while the baby is awake is 2:1 mom:dad, but the baby is more attached to the person who's with him while he's unconscious and dreaming?

I know the attachment preference swings from one parent to another, but what do you think is causing these emotions when he sees his dad walking around?

Edit: I forgot to mention that dad does bathtime every night too, is present at every one of baby's medical appointments along with me, and does more of the share of drop offs and pickups from daycare.

Hi! Mainly looking for experience stories and/or tips as to what helped. We have an 18 mnth old and she has bad separation anxiety, this has been the case since she was little- it is not currently peaking (like it does for many others around this age). She is also very temperamental. We’re trying to settle her into nursery and it is hard. We tried when she was 4 months old and had to stop after a month as they could not get her to sleep and she would then only cry. Currently, she goes twice a week (more frequent is not an option) and we have started 3,5 weeks ago. We have taken it very slow. First few times my partner went with her and stayed with her and now he goes with her for about 10-15mins and then leaves her. The moment they set foot in the building she starts crying, she vomits (also has a very sensitive gag reflex) because of the crying and basically the whole time she is there she cries with moments of ’calmness’ before she starts crying again. She does not allow the carers to pick her up and comfort her (same at home with my parents or friends for example), although today she did sit on one of the carers laps for about 5-10mins. We have until now picked her up after about 45 mins, and we‘re trying to extend it but we want her to be not constantly in and out of crying first. She is totally fine once we are around. She loves other kids, is very social, but she needs us around to feel safe. She also does not accept my parents (her grandparents) for example to take care of her (she will also cry for a long time with them, and vomit). So it is not just daycare related. She is developing normally, interacts normally etc. Just wondering if others have gone through a similar experience and if it improved, how long it took and if you have any tips! Thanks :)

Baby just turned 10 m old and for the past weeks he’s been taking forever to fall asleep. Up to 1h. For naps or night sleep and it’s driving me crazy because I nurse to sleep.

What’re your tips? Am I reading his cues wrong after all this time? Is this a common regression?

He’s teething for some months (has 5 teeth and 1 is coming in). He’s napping twice but because of this his last nap feels so late! It’s almost 4pm and he’s running around still, with no nap in sight. Dad thinks we should not having him nap this afternoon and put him to bed earlier, I’m not sure. Yesterday he had a 5pm nap until 7pm (crazy) and went to bed at 10pm.. I’m not at all into this schedule.

What to do? His first nap happens around 9h30-10am.

Thanks.

I have an 8 month old and a 2.5 year old. The baby has decided she prefers our bed. Consequently, she and I have been sleeping together in the guest bed. The toddler and dad have been staying in our room on the king bed.

I've coslept with the toddler ever since she was 10 months old. Every now and then the toddler wakes up in the middle of the night crying for me. Dad is able to soothe her most nights but not all. This is a long winded way to say I'd like for us to all bed share at some point, but we did it last night for the first time and it suuuucked. Our king is pushed up to the wall, so baby sleeps on that side, then me, then toddler and finally dad on the outer edge. It was so crowded on top of the restrictive way I have to sleep to protect the youngest. I didn't sleep well at all.

So has anyone ever convinced your toddler to have their own bed in your room? Room share, but not bed share? And if so, what did you find successful when transitioning? That seems to be the only way we will get back into the same room unless we buy a giant bed which isn't really an option but a girl can dream.

Thoughts? Tips? Suggestions? Thanks!

And since a couple months shes hated going in the car, so we only go when she sleeps. My worsr fear is to let my baby cry, putting her in a situation where she feels very bad even though i dont necessarily *have to*. If we definitely had to go in the car to escape a horrible situation i would....

We're going by car about 4hours north (it would have been 8hours but were taking the train halfway to ease it)

But i definitely dont want to let her cry!!! She never cries or screams without me responding and solving the problem immediately.

So please, what should i do? What would you do?

My boyfriend/bbydaddy is agreeing with me but also saying that, beyond the options of pausing often, just waiting till she sleeps, bringing a tent and camping on the way if we so must, bringing snacks, entertainment, at some point we might have to just let her cry if all else fails and we have to make it to the train or so. It hurts my heart knowing i might hurt my baby. Or is it simply the reality of every parents and babies, even the absolute best and most securely attached, that there have been a few crying car rides in life?

Please, all advice and input needed.

It's 2:30 a.m. and I've been up with my 14 month old for an hour. My 14-month-old who I've coslept with since about 4 months old is still waking up every 2 hours at night time to nurse. She still on a one nap schedule with the first nap around 10:30 a.m. and the other around 2:30 waking up at 7:30 a.m. every day. If If spend the nap with her she can sleep for an hour, if I sneak out of the room she will wake up within 30 minutes. Most of the time she uses my boobs as a teether or wants to stay latched all night long. I tried the Jay Gordon method but that ended with me being head-butted and scratched in the eye along with hours long crying. My 14-month-old does not eat solids well either during the day and still has a strong nursing preference despite being offered various foods that she's sometimes eats and that I would think she would enjoy eating (various fruits, vegetables, meatballs, soups, potatoes, and age appropriate snacksI provide her with plenty of stimulation throughout the day every day, including various sensory activities like homemade slime, food play, going to the pool, playing on an inflatable water slide, helping me with chores, running around in the backyard, etc. overall I'm trying to illustrate that I think I'm doing everything I can to enrich her life (and tire her) but my child is still not sleeping. I am absolutely exhausted during the day constantly feeling overwhelmed while doing all of those things with her but just knowing that I have to do it so that she can be stimulated and hopefully hopefully sleep more at night. She is a very sensitive teacher and still after giving Motrin and tylenol, acts like she's in pain. I brought her sleep after her pediatrician and her pediatrician recommends the CIO method for as long as it takes her to fall asleep by herself every night. I'm open to any and all advice on possible solutions like night weaning, fully weaning, sleep training, literally anything... Hopefully with an attachment parenting lens. Please help.

No offense but i sometimes feel like this sub is not enough "close" parenting / responsive parenting as i would like. Maybe a cultural thing, but is there an even more responsive parenting sub?