I am a big fan of the mentality that "it is THEIR wedding day so be happy with whatever decision they make.

But when it hit so close to home it SUCKED.

I am the only sister of 5 brothers. My family is extremely religious, so fast weddings, and conservative in that they do not like to discuss anything beyond small talk and surface level, which is fine but for some reason it also meant my whole life I have felt outcasted from my brothers due to them having it ingrained in them that girls=bad news. Lots of "like a girl" jokes growing up, they were always asked and assigned tasks together that are traditionally more masculine VS I was in the kitchen with my mom. Girls are emotional and scary. Idk, I edited this because I worded it poorly and things were getting mistranslated. Hard to explain.

DESPITE ALL this I recognized it wasn't quite their fault and was how they were raised, and I am the 2nd oldest, so I put in so much effort to invite myself into their games (was never thought of, ever, to invite), and also take them out on hikes, for ice cream, I helped them with their homework and tried to spend my free time getting to know them. Again, the effort was never, ever reciprocated, but I didn't blame them.

I moved out and across the country when I was 18 and again made an effort to keep up with them. Video calls, always sending birthday and Christmas gifts, and making an effort to get out at least once a year to visit. Again, no expectations from them. (I have never received any kind of gift from any of the 5 of them in my life. This doesn't make me special, my mom has taught them that boys just "don't think of these things" so they are used to making 0 effort for anyone unless explicitly demanded).

Sorry for the left story; let's skip to the wedding.

I got married at 21, and involved each brother in my wedding in a unique way, down to the youngest.

Skip ahead again, and the brother directly younger than me gets engaged and sets his wedding date for 6 months later. I am SO EXCITED to finally have a sister, so i have her out to visit me and take her out for a sister weekend, seeing Les Miserables and lots of food and museums and good times. Lots of fun. Remember, I love across the country.

I call them often, getting to know her, and supporting them in their decision. It was a stereotypically fast dating and engagement as comes with religion.

Then, as the date gets closer, I slowly start to realize...

All my brothers are best men. Her brother is one of my brother's best men. Her little sister is a flower girl.

Myself, my husband (who bless his soul has soooo much patience with spending time with my quirky family), and our two children, (girl and boy) (who we have brought out to visit multiple times a year since their births, and we always do fun excursions with my brothers whenever we are there), we are simply guests.

This wouldn't be too awful, except, we will be in town a few days before the wedding to help out, and during this time there are multiple parties planned for the groomsmen and bridesmaids and flower girls.

Which means, EVERY. SINGLE. SIBLING. EXCEPT. ME. Are invited to these celebrations.

Every single sibling, of both families, except me. (And my husband if you count brother in-laws).

Multiple parties, multiple celebrations, rented out B&Bs for sleepovers, the works.

And I was left out.

My mom was shocked but told me the classic "he just doesnt think of it, he is a boy, he doenst know what to you with you because you are a girl."

Some of these celebrations are combined girls and boys.

Another thing I heard was "you have children so obviously you wouldn't be able to go anyway". I have a very capable husband, (opposite my brothers), and my parents are very capable at babysitting the baby monitor. Kids were 2 and 4 at the time.

Here is the kicker:

The night before the wedding, the final party, was in the basement of the rented venue. Grandparents, parents, and aunts and uncles of the groom and bride slept upstairs, party was downstiars, but it was a separated basement you had to access from outside and down a hill.

AKA I was placed upstairs with the older generation, and every other sibling was invited to the party.

And on the wedding day, ever other sibling was involved in the wedding, and I sat as a regular guest.

Every other sibling had a dress code, I was told to wear whatever.

During pictures, I was put in the large group photo with all the grandparents, and generations, and watched as the groomsmen, every sibling (no friends, just siblings), took around 200 photos together doing funny poses. I waited, and I understand that photos are chaotic and it is hard to remember who you took them with and when, so when they wrapped it up I gently requested a photo of me and my husband and kids with the bride and groom. My brother responded "You were already IN a photo." I gently said "yes, the big group photo, I would love one with just us." And he rolled his eyes and said "we are tired. But Fine." And grudgingly smiled in a photo with me.

Let me circle back: I truly believe the wedding day is about whatever the bride and groom want. But I have such a hard time looking back on this experience and wondering, "why didn't they want me?" We have no history of dislike or contention, they are very basic creatures my brothers, they play video games and Magic the Gathering and if I beg them they spend time with me. But isn't it nice to have someone who wants to be around you?

A few side dramas of the wedding just for fun:

My parents and her parents agreed to split everything 50/50 cost wise. My parents when they agreed to this didn't realize they would DISAGREE on what those costs were. The wedding was from 11am-midnight, and was a destination wedding (4+ hour drive for us and 99% of the guests). So guests would have to book a hotel the night before and after, or drive up super early and drive back after midnight. My parents, obviously, assumed we would feed them lunch AND dinner because it was such a long wedding day.

Her parents didnt agree and refused to pay for lunch. So that came entirely out of my parent's pockets. There were a few other, basic, wedding things that her parents refused to pay for because they didnt think them necessary, so it ended up being 75/25 instead of 50/50.

Another strange decision was having a tiered section in the middle of the day. The ceremony for everyone was in the morning, then in the afternoon, 12pm-6pm was, at a different location, only close families and friends for photos and such, and then 6pm was dinner and reception for everyone again, back at the same venue as the ceremony. So for 6 hours the other guests just hung around the venue. I felt so awkward leaving and then coming back to them napping in the grass or in their cars(outdoor venue. Next to a pond. Mosquito galore)

I did ask a few months before why they didnt do the more private things BEFORE for 6 hours, and then start the wedding at 4 or 5pm, then the guests who aren't invited don't have to get up so early and arrive so early all for a 20 minute ceremony and then a 6 hour wait.

But their logic was that then they wouldnt technically be married for the photos. Okay, I guess....

Anyway, I am an optimist, and a pushover during happy times, so i had lots of fun despite all the suckiness of being left out. We partied it up and had an amazing time, that is my superpower is always being happy no matter how strange people are being hahahha.

That is my story of the first time I questioned my "whatever the bride and groom want they should get" mentality. Maybe I am just a selfish person; I didn't question it until it became about me.

All this happened before I was born. My parents were getting married and both big families were in attendance. My second cousin, who was a very young child, was given a few things to play with as a distraction, including a plastic army man and some string. During the reading of the vows, he was apparently very enthusiastically wrapping the string around said army man, finishing just around the time of the 'I do's, leading to a perfectly timed and oblivious interruption:

Priest: "Do you take this blah blah priest things"

Dad: "I do."

Cousin, very loudly and proudly, holding up his army man: "Yep, he's stuck now!"

This is a story I have heard every other year for 3 decades now, and every time the family has a good laugh about it.

My husband and I attended a wedding where the seating arrangement was... a choice.

When we arrived at the venue we quickly found husbands seat and were very confused when my seating card was not in sight. We then found it halfway across the table. After further inspection we noticed everyone sat beside people they hardly knew, except the bride and groom, who were the only couple sitting together.

While I understand the idea of encouraging guests of different circles to get to know each other, I found it pretty tacky to separate couples and friends. Especially when you know multiple guests have a hard time with crowds, strangers and their mental health in general. My husband for example was strongly considering to leave because he had a bad mental health day and being separated from me, the only person he truly knew and was comfortable with, wasn't an option for him. Another guest kindly switched seats with him so we could at least be in talking distance, which in turn upset the bride.

We made the best of it, and I love the bride and groom very much, but I don't know why they thought that seating arrangement is a good idea. Plus as someone with diatery restrictions my only option was a lasagna filled with a truly sad amount of veggies without cheese.

EDIT to address some recurring themes:

We are in no way high society where separating couples is the norm, nor are we in the UK or France. I've never heard of this custom before.

There was only one huge table, think horseshoe. So yes, my husband and I were seated at the same table, but when I say halfway across the table, I mean half of the attending guests were between us. We would have been completely fine sitting across from each other.

Every time I see one of the color palettes (especially the unreasonably restrictive ones), people often comment that they wouldn’t attend. But if I’m close to the couple, my inclination would probably be to just go and not fit the color palette, since it’s a rather silly request in the first place. What are they gonna do, arrest me? lol.

Does anyone have experience with this? I’d be curious how these sorts of things are even enforced if at all.

(Obviously not talking about wearing white - that’s a completely different conversation)

Edit: I love yall but very few of you are answering the actual question 💖💖😭😭

2 months after my wedding, I'm sitting over here thinking all is bright and cheery in the world when I get a phone call from my brother. He said my mother was angry about my dress and she is going to disown me because I don't have "old fashioned values" anymore.

She's extremely religious and my dress was off the shoulder and low cut. My daughter and I made it and applied 200 silk flowers by hand.

I knew my mother would be disappointed by the dress and gave her a heads up before the wedding that it would be off shoulder. She and my dad chose not to come to the wedding, because of the dress.

Well, I called her after I talked to my brother and it was true. Without talking to me at all, she was going to disown me. IS THIS FOR REAL?? I'm still in deep shock over this.

Update: a lot of requests have come in to post the dress. I posted it in a comment on this thread.

THANK YOU all for your overwhelming support, insights, and thoughts on this. Thanks with all my heart to you all for being there for me when I needed you the most. This has been life-changing! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

Went to a wedding this wedding as a member of the party. Both people come from deeply catholic families, so deeply that the brother of groom (BOG) was the priest officiating the ceremony. Im going to start out by saying, I didn’t find out about this till the beginning of the reception. During a small practice the morning of, the brother of the bride (BOB) was supposed to sing, had a melt down, screamed at the bride and maids that were there. BOG asked BOB to chill out and have a talk, BOB turned it on BOG, shoved him against a wall and then struck him in the torso multiple times. The parents of the bride (POB) then threw a fit defending him, he was allowed to stay for ceremony (fuckin nuts IMO). He was told to not attend reception and thus the POB said that if he couldn’t go they wouldn’t either. Reception begins to start, the groom and men are all informed of the happens and his banishment. There’s a scramble to find a dad figure for father daughter dance, but luckily POB decided to show up 45 minutes later after speeches and dinner was coming to a close, just in time for the dance. Dance was wildly awkward to watch knowing all the behind the scenes tension. I was the only single groomsman, and I also happen to be good friends with the BOG/priest so I ended up standing at the entrance for an hour or so to make sure nut bag didn’t show up.

BOB is almost 40 and still lives with parents even though he has a masters degree in decent field

I've DJ'd a bunch of weddings and had a great time. This most recent bride only wanted Disney songs. She literally made me play "be our guest" during the dinner. Everyone was so uncomfortable but she was so happy. Eventually I played some other stuff, people started laughing, dancing and having fun but I could tell she was pissed.

I guess I'm not allowed to ask for advice in this thread so I'll just leave this here as a weird experience I had.

EDIT: just to clarify, both the brides father and the groom made other requests among many other people. This was a hard situation and a lot of people are making it sound very simple.

I was asked by a close friend to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. The other three bridesmaids are her best friends — basically her tight-knit clique. I’ve known her a long time and thought we were close too, but this whole wedding season made me realize what a bitch she is.

Here’s a rundown of everything that happened:

•I spent over $1,500 on her 3-day destination joint bachelorette/bachelor trip out of state. After the trip, her clique decided the groomsmen and bridal party (8 people) should also pay the bride and groom’s share — an extra $350 on top of what I’d already spent.

•I brought my own bridesmaid dress.

•We got into multiple fights because I couldn’t make it to her dress fitting and bridal shower— I had job interviews I needed to prepare for. Her clique made it to every fitting, of course.

•Her clique also handled a lot of the actual wedding coordination for her — vendor communication and other planning tasks so im sure thats where alot of her point of contention came ofrom

•Another fight started when my husband asked a simple logistical question — whether the rehearsal dinner was paid for — and the bride told him not to bother coming, assuming he was trying to mooch a free meal. She only backtracked and re-invited him once she realized it was just a normal question.

•She wanted to charge guests $150 if they no-showed the wedding, and her clique fully encouraged it.

•She scheduled the rehearsal for 11am on a workday, then the rehearsal dinner for 6pm — at a venue two hours from where everyone lives. Everyone had to take PTO and just sit around for 7 hours with nothing to do in between, when she easily could’ve scheduled the rehearsal later in the day.

•On the wedding day, after taking photos of all the bridesmaids together, she asked specifically for a photo of just her and her clique — leaving me standing there awkwardly off to the side.

• In her thank you speech, she thanked all her bridal party and named her bridesmaid except for me.

•At the end of the night, she made the groomsmen clean up all the flowers themselves so she wouldn’t have to pay the venue’s $400 cleanup fee.

• She barely spoke to me the entire wedding day.

• I was purposely left out of multiple group pictures.

Honestly, I wanted to drop out as a bridesmaid at several points along the way. But I didn’t want to ruin the friendship, and I think part of me worried she wouldn’t have enough people to ask if I backed out. So I stuck it out.

Now I’m just sitting here having spent $1,500+ of my own money to be treated like an afterthought at someone else’s wedding. I feel soooooo stupid for not listening to my gut sooner.

TL;DR: Spent over $1.5k and dealt with months of drama to be a bridesmaid for a friend, only to get iced out and left out of photos and speeches on her actual wedding day by her. I just wanna cry because i am so stupid

Ok long time lurker, but i have to share this is just crazy, ive been having nonstop bridesmaid drop outs, one messaged me earlier in march basically explaining that she had an opportunity come up and wouldnt be able to attend my wedding (which i completely understood!) then when i asked another bridesmaid if she was still in the wedding (they are best friends) she completely ghosted me (i had messaged her in june). AND THEN my closet friend of five years messaged me after i shared who she was walking with from the groomsmen saying she “absolutely will not walk with another man” and shes “loyal to her man” which i would understand. However her man isnt even in the bridal party, i flat out told her if shes willing to drop out of my wedding over 10ft i wouldnt consider her my friend anymore.
I feel like im doing something wrong bc like ???
To add my only requests as a bride where:

- a specific color of dress, silver shoes (any style)
- hair however they wanted same w makeup and jewelry and nails
-to show up for bridal shower and the bach night, and the wedding obviously

Eta: the bridal shower was planned and handled by my mother, we just have to show up (god bless that woman) the bach night is a night at my house w crafts and dinner since im a homebody and going to the bars is my worst nightmare lol.

Also i explained to her that we are doing a sweetheart table, she wouldve been sat with her bf and the rest of our friends/so not the whole bridal party sitting at the same table. It was literally just a walk down the aisle

Also while i am not a fan of her bf bc he himself has done some stupid things, be all accounts she is apparently just someone who only cares about her man when shes in a relationship

The morning of my wedding was already stressful enough and from the moment our hairstylist walked through the door, something felt off. She was on the phone almost the entire time, arguing with who I later found out was her boyfriend. I kept trying to ignore it because I had so many other things on my mind and just hoped she'd finish everyone's hair before whatever was going on became a bigger issue. She managed to do my hair and about half of my bridesmaids before suddenly putting her tools away and telling us she had to leave. I laughed at first because I thought she was joking but she picked up her bags, apologized quickly and walked straight out the door. We had five bridesmaids left with untouched hair and only a couple of hours before the ceremony. Instead of relaxing together on one of the most exciting mornings of my life, we were all searching YouTube tutorials and trying to recreate hairstyles on each other. I felt so guilty because I wanted every single one of my bridesmaids to feel beautiful and I hated that some of them didn't get the experience we'd planned and paid for. Thankfully they're the most amazing girls and nobody complained once. They kept telling me not to worry and somehow managed to make it all work but I can still remember the panic and frustration I felt in that moment. I would've completely understood if there had been a family emergency or if something serious had happened. Life happens and I would've never been upset about that but leaving because you got into a fight with your boyfriend and then being incredibly rude when I later asked for a refund, made zero sense to me. It felt so unprofessional, especially on one of the biggest days of my life. If I could give one piece of advice to anyone planning a wedding, it'd be to seriously consider wedding insurance. It won't take away the stress when something unexpected happens but at least you won't have to spend the weeks after your wedding chasing vendors, arguing over refunds and trying to get your money back on top of everything else.

So this wedding happened last year but I still enjoy reliving the drama 😂

Bride was someone a bunch of my friends and I knew but not well at all. She invited all of us (4 in total) to her destination wedding after knowing us all for maybe a few months. From the beginning she told us she was providing accommodation for all of us for free because she ‘didn’t want money to get in the way of us attending’. None of us knew her well but we figured hey why not. The couple are MEGA loaded so we didn’t feel bad accepting the offer. Amazing location and all us ‘core’ friends would get to hang out together. We all knew bride was a little unhinged but figured it would be fun so 3 out of 4 of us bought plane tickets (one decided not to come).

Getting closer to the date and accommodation does not materialize despite numerous requests to just let us know either way as location was not an easy place to find accommodation. No problem. We booked a house for us friends. I was asked to be a bridesmaid. One of about 8. For an older woman’s second wedding. Seemed excessive but whatever. Bride and groom asked for ‘no gifts’ but then posted go fund me type links on the invite. For their honey moon. In Africa. And then multiple other links for ‘future travel’. This couple make more per year combined that I will make in the next ten years. We had to use air miles to pay for the plane tickets. Mega tacky.

Zero communication leading up to the wedding about anything other than the dinner the day before but were told multiple times that there would be a ‘whole week’ of ‘fun activities’ paid for and organized by the bride. Nothing ever materialized and so we booked accommodation and planned other activities in the lead up, including the need to travel from a major airport to a remote part of the country the wedding was held in.

Starting the Monday before the wedding we started receiving what’s app text chains with plans and photos of other guests at the ‘paid for’ accommodation that we were not invited to.

THE DAY BEFORE the rehearsal dinner we get texts requesting we attended a bachelorette party at the wedding location. Um, not only had we already planned, hosted and paid for one in our home town but had received zero info about this. We weren’t even in the wedding destination city at that point.

Rehearsal dinner was all about the bride including her serenading the groom (poorly). The day of the wedding we received messages about wedding pictures for the bridal party. Remember, we were IN the bridal party but also received zero notice about this and bride got mad about us not being able to accommodate her as we were staying a ways away. We were also told an hour before the wedding to meet to go over organization for walking down aisle.

Wedding was full on cinderella fiasco for a 40 something bride including arriving in a carriage. We were told 6pm (it was on the INVITE) yet somehow when we arrived we were late, everyone else had been told 5:30 and were already seated with bride literally about to walk down aisle. Bride seated one of her friends AT THE CHILDREN’S TABLE for the reception dinner. I was so embarrassed for her. There were clearly other solutions, such as seating her at the end of a table.

In the end my friends and I didn’t about all the stupidity because we were in it for the spectacle. I’m aware that there was opportunism on both sides. Guess how many times she’s reached out to me since. Zero. We were clearly there as padding/props for her fairy tail wedding. Fun times 😂

An acquaintance is getting married next year. I have no love lost for the bride or groom. A friend of mine was asked to be in the wedding party. Only after was she told it was international and in one of the most expensive cities.

My friend is single and makes a decent living but recently bought her first home in our HCOL area so we can say she is kind of house poor at the moment.

After several variations including an international joint Bach party they settled for a 3 day in town party including a rental home, dinner at the newest must be seen restaurant (a salad is $48) shooting range, high end mini golf, in home chef and much more. The expected costs were about $1000 so my friend took a second job to afford this and prepare for the wedding.

2 days before the Bach they introduced a new expense. A party bus. My friend could not send another dime. So she made it known she could not contribute. The couple’s solution? She could drive behind the party bus. So the whole party would be on a party bus and she would be driving behind them because she could t squeeze out another $100.

Is this the new norm? And did no one proof read?!

I’ve read that social media has completely changed wedding for the sake of pictures and I feel like this is happening in my family so I just need to vent honestly.

My brother (23m) is getting married! I don’t know his future bride super well as they‘ve only been together for 4 month but she seems nice enough. For context, they are Utah Mormons so they get “sealed” in the temple with a small group of people and then have a big reception at the end. They treat the reception like a regular wedding with bride-maids, groomsmen, all of it pretty much. People who aren’t Mormon cannot go into the temple so they don’t get to see the actual marriage. 2/3 of my sisters are Ex Mormon including me (26f) and my older sister (28f)

There are 3 sisters in my family My brother is very close to all of us and was super excited to tell us we were all going to be bridesmaids and was telling us how excited he was about it when we helped him with his proposal.

About a month after they were engaged, he sent our family groups chat a wedding color pallet for the dress code. I believed this palette was for the wedding party because like I mentioned he explicitly told me I was a bridesmaid. I asked who all the groomsmen and bridesmaids were, I only asked to clarify to see if my husband was one of his groomsman as he and my husband are close and have knows each other for 10+years. He opened the text but never answered.

I mentioned this to my sister (24f) and she said she had been texted by the bride in private that only she was going to be a bridesmaid and not me or my other sister. I was a little hurt but know that 3 sisters is a lot, plus I know it’s the bride and grooms day and it shouldn’t be centered around my feelings. When my sister showed me the text from the bride, it said that I wasn’t apart of the wedding because I am ”too large” (I am about 15lbs overweight due to having my 3rd child 6 months ago) and my other sister couldn’t be apart of the wedding because of her piercings (She had 4 piercings on her face, that I believe aren’t very noticeable). This clearly hurt my feelings even more, it also hurt that my brother was too cowardly to tell me I wasn’t apart of the wedding. Me and my sister don’t “look” good enough for the wedding party.

I talked to my mom and she said the color pallet I received was for all the wedding guests, including children. down to exactly what color the tie should be on my sons and that they MUST have suspenders. I’ve recently heard of a dress code for all the wedding guests but I personally think it’s ridiculous. I’m not apart of the wedding, but am expected to buy new dress clothes that fit into the 3 appropriate colors for me, my husband and 3 children?? It’s all just bugging me and blows my mind how weddings have become so superficial.

A short one from a wedding last weekend - we went to a family friend's wedding, having been invited a few months before. There was a wedding website, which at the time we were invited, politely asked that guests avoid wearing mint green for women, and green suits for men, as these were the colours of the bridal party. Not a problem for either of us, and this was (and is) a very fair request.

Come the day of the wedding, we've ended up both wearing blue - I am in a light blue dress, and my partner is in a darker blue suit. We get to the venue, chat with family, and sit through the ceremony. Afterwards, in the cocktail hour, someone (perhaps a family member of the groom, we didn't recognise them) comes over to us and passes on that the newlyweds are unhappy that we are wearing colours that they asked guests not to wear, and that when the photographer calls everyone together for a group photo in a while, please can we make sure that we're not in the shot.

We were of course very confused as the only colours we were asked to avoid were light green and a green suit, and we're told that the website was updated the day before to include a new ask that no one wears blue of any shade - apparently they had seen something online, the week of the wedding, in which select guests are asked to represent their 'something blue', and so had thought it would be nice for this to be their grandparents. I agree that this is a lovely thought, but the only update that was given was within the existing text on the website; if we'd received a text or message, we'd have known about the change.

When the time came for the picture, everyone wearing blue was ushered out of shot, as promised. There were around 30 guests, at a 100-person wedding (mainly men in navy blue suits), and everyone was saying that they hadn't known about the change in dress code. This chat rumbled on through the night (we didn't really take part in it as we knew we were secondary guests, but some closer friends and family were upset that they were effectively being edited out of the wedding), and as a very loose figure, maybe 3 or 4 guests had spotted the edit, compared to the nearly 100 who hadn't. Even the bridal party's +1s had been caught up in it, as no one in the bridal party had been told about the change, meaning that the photographer had to try and take photos of the bridesmaids dancing with their partners/husbands, but not get the blue suited partners in shot - I don't envy the editing that the photographer will have to be doing.

In short, maybe don't try and shoe-horn in an idea from Tik Tok the week of your wedding, especially if it includes guests, without very clearly telling the guests about it!

obviously this story is not nearly as egregious as others I’ve seen on here, but still annoying!

some backstory: BF and I have been together for almost 7 years and we live together. I have met and spent time with the cousin and her now-husband several times. BF’s sister lives with the parents. the parents had not seen cousin in years or even met the now-husband until the wedding.

basically cousin sent save-the-dates to BF and parents. we had it on our fridge and I was excited (I’ve never been to a wedding before). a few months later, they send the formal invitation and there’s no mention of a plus-one for BF. he reaches out to cousin to clarify (I know this is probably rude but we were genuinely confused) and she confirms that he does not have a plus-one, claiming that they had to keep their wedding small due to budget and only invited people they had a personal relationship with. I was irritated but assumed that they just wanted to keep it to “actual” family (again— I’ve been around for 6 years by this point and know both the cousin and now-husband).

a little while later, we’re having dinner with BF’s family, including his sister, and cousin’s wedding is brought up. I share that I’m sad I wasn’t invited because I was excited to go to my first wedding! then, sister looks confused and says she didn’t get an invitation either. then we’re all confused because it just seems so weird to do that. we commiserate for a moment and then move on.

later I realize that this means the couple not only did not give a plus-one to a person who’s in a long-term, committed relationship, they also chose to only invite three people out of a four person family. this doesn’t seem to line up with their reasoning of “only people they have a personal relationship with” because, again, BF’s parents hadn’t seen the cousin in years or even met the groom.

anyway, that’s the story. definitely not as juicy as others I’ve seen on here but I’m still a teeny bit salty about it lol

For our pre-wedding festivities, we had a dinner with our families and a few close friends the evening before the wedding. However, my MIL spent most of the evening crying and telling anyone who would listen that she was so upset that her best friend wouldn't be able to make it. Her friend was feeling ill and didn't want to make the 4-hour drive down to the wedding site. While my husband and I understand that it would have been nice to have her best friend attend and that she had attended her best friend's son's wedding a few years ago, we felt like she hijacked the evening making everything about her disappointment. It also left a sour impression on our friends and family, who has to listen to her but did their best to sympathize with her situation. So annoyed, even years after our wedding!

More of a vent post but wondering if others have had this experience about family making the wedding experience theirs and not the couples. I'm pretty certain that I'm not alone and this is just one (probably a milder one) of stories people have about their families taking over.

Long time lurker here but first time poster. It’s been a long year since I was asked to be in a friends bridal party. We’ll call her « Bailey » from what she’s told me I already wonder if they should be getting married. Finances are bad, she is finishing post secondary school and not on the same page about kids with partner. The list goes on. My only goal has been to be a supportive friend and help with the wedding any way I can. I’ve made it a priority for me to not to let her know opinions regarding anything to do with the wedding. Just support her decisions because she’s got enough people stressing her out already. It’s ridiculous lol.

It’s been difficult now that we live 3+ hours apart. But we try and keep up with planning by text and I’ve made time for the bridal and bachelorette parties. Where I’m starting to get resentful is with the money I’ve invested so far and where she is putting hers. I’m just looking to vent.

To start the wedding and reception venue is on their country property. She set a budget of under 20k and with her family paying for all the food, the tent, florals and dress it leaves me wondering why she isn’t putting money towards amenities for guests. For context the property is so far from town that taxis or uber will not come to the property. So you will have to make your overnight accommodations in town but can’t get to or from the wedding, if you plan to drink. When she told me this I was completely baffled because she has a lot of family travelling from away including myself and my partner and she will be providing alcohol on site. (Without a liquor license??)So I wondered how she expected 100 people to get there and back that night because she doesn’t want anybody staying in her household. She offered to have people camp or bring trailers but there will be no showers. Besides portable bathrooms they’ll be bringing in for the day. Im going to have to spend 500$ to rent a trailer with a shower and AC. She said ´well I thought about a shuttle services at the end of the night but they wanted 600$ for 4 hours of taking people home.´ like be so for real!! You’re not paying anything for the venue you need to factor that cost in if your venue can’t reasonably accommodate guests. FINALLY her mom convinced to her have a small shuttle run from 9-1am to take people back. But not bring them back in the morning? So if you drive there you’ll have to find somebody to bring you back to get your car. I’m glad she at least got travel for the night arranged with the liability of people drunk driving. I’m still not banking on this being an option for myself though

Just a whole inconvenience. Which is fine if it was jsut myself going. I’d tent with friends and find somewhere to shower after making florals, setting up chairs and tables and refilling ice box’s in the heat. Which she’s implied well be doing. No official list of tasks or plan so I’m planning to just run around in full hair and makeup at this point. my partner was invited and he accepted before realizing the hot mess that is this wedding. She asked me if my partner can run around the whole town to every convenience store the MORNING of the wedding and go pick up all the ice for them. Because they don’t have freezer space to hold ice for the coolers and beer prior to. I managed to convince him to help out considering all the tasks I’ll be assigned, I won’t be able to be with him until the reception. He’s pressed about it. For my sake because I’ve complained so much to him about it and that she should have asked him herself. I’m so caught in the middle I just praying for this to go well.

I have to add another thing about the bachelorette. I’m based in north America and not sure about customs. Instead of a night out she planned to do a trip to a cottage. 3 nights. Bring your own booze and food and money for dinner one night. Total came to about 500$ for me. A month before this we had a visit and she told me that she wasn’t paying anything for a the trip!!! And asked if I thought that was ok. Well she already got everyone’s e-transfers so obviously she made up her mind. I’d understand a night out and we pay but this was an entire weekend and she told nobody else this.

Between this dress costing 450$ after alterations because it was a horribly cheap dress. Travel. her bridal showers, bachelorette. Gift. Hair and makeup which she told me that she thought about treating us to, but doesn’t want to pay for. I’m in over 2k WAY more than I was expecting to pay for a farm wedding.

Whatever, this is my first wedding and I’ve learned my lesson. BUT what grinds my gears the most is her comments about money. ‘Oh well we’re inviting 150 people since most of them will pay for their plate with the gift they’ll give.’ When I brought her flowers for her bridal shower because I couldn’t afford another gift on top of the one for her wedding and she commented ´ but your getting me another gift right?´

OH MY GOD with the money your saving from family paying, no venue cost and the stag and doe + raffle. I know the wedding is payed for. Ive kept my mouth shut about every little thing. From order of hair and makeup to playing wait staff for the day! It’s really put a damper on our friendship and I’m seeing her in a whole new light. This almost hustler mindset like how much stuff can I get for free and ask of family and friends so I don’t have to pay.

My partner can’t stand her behaviour. So he’s only going to the wedding to support me. I think what hurts the most is knowing I won’t receive the same support from her when I get married. I think she’s going to be accidentally pregnant and have no time or money to be in my bridal party which was something I’d really hoped before being in hers.

I’m sure I Missed details that provided more context but this is the best I can do without giving away anything personal. lol

Thankyou for the vent internet strangers! ❤️

I have no idea how this ended up on my TikTok that is usually just BTS and cats, but please enjoy. I’m surprised they weren’t already posted.

My wedding was last year, but I still find myself wondering what actually happened.

For context, this woman and I have been friends since we were 12. We were once best friends, and although life changed and we became less close, I always cared about her deeply.

During the pandemic, she got married and I wasn’t invited. I was a little hurt, but I understood the circumstances, especially because I had previously been honest about not supporting her relationship with her now-husband.

Years later, when I was moving abroad, I invited her to a farewell dinner at my parents’ house. She said she would come but didn’t show up. A few days later she visited me, apologized, and gave me a letter and a gift. I was so touched that I cried because it felt like our friendship still mattered.

After I moved, she got pregnant and we started talking more again. When I began planning my wedding back home, I invited her and told her I completely understood if she couldn’t attend because she would have a one-month-old baby. She insisted she would never miss it. One week before my wedding, I checked again and she confirmed she was coming.

On my wedding day, I realized she wasn’t there. I assumed something serious must have happened because of the newborn. The next day, she sent me a bank transfer as a gift, but no message, apology, or explanation.

I thought maybe something had happened, so I checked her social media after a few days. That’s when I realized she had hidden her stories from me. I couldn’t see anything from my account, but when I checked from another account, she had been posting normally. This lasted for months.

I have no idea why she did this. My only guess is that she went somewhere else instead of my wedding and didn’t want me to know, but what hurts most is that she never sent a single message explaining or apologizing.

Last month, she unblocked me and started liking my posts and stories again. She hasn’t acknowledged what happened, and the interactions feel superficial. Maybe she is trying to reconnect, but I honestly don’t know if I want to reopen this friendship.

At this point, I’m wondering if this was the final straw and if I should just let this friendship go.

EDIT 1: Regarding her husband, I admit that I reacted poorly when she first told me about their relationship when we were teenagers, around 10 years ago. However, I never brought up the subject again after their first anniversary, and I have never had any issue having a conversation with him. We were friends once, and I have always treated him respectfully. In fact, last year I even told my friend that I was happy to see she had such a caring and loving husband by her side.

EDIT 2: I mentioned the influencer in the title because she remained very active on social media in the weeks leading up to my wedding, attending both social and paid events. Since she always seems to have a busy schedule, I assumed she may have had other priorities that day. It was just difficult for me to see her attending so many events while not being able to make it to my wedding or at least send me a small text.