r/onionheadlines • u/ellistonvu • 14h ago
r/onionheadlines • u/DefinitionEnough8747 • 23h ago
Bedridden 101-Year-Old Mitch McConnell Still Fighting For Life, Hoping To Live To See Day When Trump Finds Enough Votes To Win 2020 Election
r/onionheadlines • u/moveoutmicdrop • 4h ago
Trump To Help The Country That Took Down The World Trade Centers, Get Nuclear Weapons
In a stunning act of stupidity, a man obsessed with gold decorations, was given a few gold trinkets by the Saudi Arabians, and in return, made a deal to help them get nuclear bombs.
Standing next to him, Marco Rubio and Pete Hegseth, did not tap Trump on his shoulder and whisper in his ear “You do know that the hijackers who crashed airplanes into our buildings were from Saudi Arabia? Right?” Instead they stood there like bull whipped little boys and smiled and nodded like this was a good idea, backing their idol who they are desperately afraid of, as he drives a train straight into a mountain where there is no tunnel.🧅
r/onionheadlines • u/Hot-Explanationista • 23h ago
Trump Says He Loves Money So Much That E Jean Carroll Taking Millions From Him Constitutes Sexual Assault And He Wants One Hundred Trillion Billion Dollars In Moral Compensation
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 9h ago
Trump Claims He Has No Alternative But To Steal From The Government Because He Can’t Get Away From His Secret Service Detail To Rape Kids
r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 21h ago
Totally Normal For FBI Director To Be Called To Russia Just Before Election, Says Russia
r/onionheadlines • u/mc_petersonishsonson • 19h ago
Trump Says He Trusts Saudis With Nukes After Making Him A Billionaire
r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 15h ago
President Dunning-Kruger Still Doesn't Understand Percentages
“We’re delivering the largest prescription drug price cuts in history," said U.S. President Dunning-Kruger. "By a difference of 400, 500 and 600 percent reduction.”
r/onionheadlines • u/erkose • 9h ago
Trans Male Enlistment Up 30% After Hegseth Announces Free Testosterone For Hormone Replacement Therapy
r/onionheadlines • u/ShadyAnders • 22h ago
Trump Claims Blue States Are "Two Weeks Away From Having A Nuclear Weapon"
r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 2h ago
Andrew Tate Commits Suicide In His Cell During Surveillance Camera Malfunction
r/onionheadlines • u/Conscious-Material16 • 15h ago
Mitch McConnell Is Doing Great
After his brief fight with gravity, which he unfortunately lost, old Mitchy boy is doing great according to almost no news at all.
McConnell lived a long life feasting on the fruits of the hard work of truly ungrateful people. Fortunately he won't pay a dime for the Healthcare he has received for the last...
...100 plus years I think. Maybe two, hard to say. It is great legend all know to be that Mitchy is a direct decendant of the ancient turtle space dwellers. He would brave the world as many days as a congress person has to work, which is like 70 or something, while not wearing his safety shell. In the few days every year (273) he found himself at home, he would find refuge in his shell and ask for true guidance.
It is in time like this where we should all remember the Mitchster as being totally fine and not at all dead.
r/onionheadlines • u/Western_Flight_7540 • 9h ago
Melania Contradicts Hegseth: She Says She Is Extremely Grateful For The Commander-In-Chief's Low Testosterone Levels.
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 14h ago
Trump Executive Order Now Taxes 600% Of Sexual Assault Payouts
r/onionheadlines • u/DefinitionEnough8747 • 22h ago
CIA Analyst Says Votes Trump Needs To Win 2020 Election Buried In Same Hole As Saddam Hussein's Weapons Of Mass Destruction, Obama's Kenyan Birth Certificate And Evidence Pointing Toward Real Killer Of Nicole Brown And Ron Goldman
r/onionheadlines • u/Im_with_stooopid • 19h ago
President Trump Enters Rehab For Tariff Addiction.
r/onionheadlines • u/uvm87 • 2h ago
Trump Honors 4 Fallen Soldiers By Scheduling 4 Rounds Of Golf This Upcoming Weekend.
r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 2h ago
Republicans Senators Can't Distinguish Between 20 Min Call From Mitch McConnell Or Haunting Jacob Marley Type Dream
r/onionheadlines • u/mc_petersonishsonson • 19h ago
GOP Attempts To Hide Voter Suppression Law By Naming It Free Ice Cream For Everyone Act
r/onionheadlines • u/ImJustARandomOnline • 13h ago
White House Commissions Jim Henson’s Creature Shop To Build Replacement Mitch McConnell Animatronic
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 9h ago
Trump Insists He Will Keep Ramping Up War Crimes Against Iran Until They Stop Fighting Back
r/onionheadlines • u/falsejaguar • 4h ago
McConnell Spotted Performing "Blue Suede Shoes" In Vegas Casino
r/onionheadlines • u/AcrylicPickle • 12h ago
Explosive Diarrhea Lettuce Outbreak Revealed To Be Spinach Corporate Sabotage
r/onionheadlines • u/VulcanChessWarrior • 15h ago