r/onionheadlines 2h ago

The Trump Administration's Committee Against DEI In Government Added Bike Lanes, Sidewalks, And Elevators In Public Housing to Their 2026 Defunding List

0 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 2h ago

Trump Insists All Fallen Service Members Privately Told Him They Wanted The SAVE Act Passed

0 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 9h ago

Stephen Miller Changes The P In His First Name To V To Sound More White And Also Wishes He Had A V Elsewhere

0 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 7h ago

US President Of War Reminds MAGA They Voted For War And Wanted It Bigly

9 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 20h ago

Blue Hairs With Red Hats Capable Of Ending Purple Reign

3 Upvotes

Salads for everyone?

Or more shit burgers?

It’s up to the Maggots soon.


r/onionheadlines 21h ago

Trump Executive Order Now Taxes 600% Of Sexual Assault Payouts

26 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 10h ago

Trump To Help The Country That Took Down The World Trade Centers, Get Nuclear Weapons

634 Upvotes

In a stunning act of stupidity, a man obsessed with gold decorations, was given a few gold trinkets by the Saudi Arabians, and in return, made a deal to help them get nuclear bombs.
Standing next to him, Marco Rubio and Pete Hegseth, did not tap Trump on his shoulder and whisper in his ear “You do know that the hijackers who crashed airplanes into our buildings were from Saudi Arabia? Right?” Instead they stood there like bull whipped little boys and smiled and nodded like this was a good idea, backing their idol who they are desperately afraid of, as he drives a train straight into a mountain where there is no tunnel.🧅


r/onionheadlines 7h ago

Trump Seeks To Solve Thousands Of Years Of Middle East Conflicts By Giving Them All Nuclear Weapons

115 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 2h ago

Trump Claims He No Longer Needs To Have Bone Spurs Now That His Testosterone Level Is In the Negative Numbers Range

24 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 16h ago

Trans Male Enlistment Up 30% After Hegseth Announces Free Testosterone For Hormone Replacement Therapy

56 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 9h ago

Trump Honors 4 Fallen Soldiers By Scheduling 4 Rounds Of Golf This Upcoming Weekend.

61 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 21h ago

MITCH MCCONNELL IS ON ETERNITY LEAVE

557 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 40m ago

Trump Wishes There Were Some Way To Resolve Iran War Besides Bluster And Escalation

Upvotes

"But there isn't," said the President. "Trust me. I got me a diploma, see?"


r/onionheadlines 2h ago

MAGA To Celebrate In Small Towns Everywhere As News Of Trump's Nuclear Pact With Saudi Arabia Shocks The World

3 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 3h ago

Damien Hirst Unveils $20 Million AI Artwork Generated From Prompt “Make Something Worth $20 Million”

3 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 3h ago

SecDef Peter Smegmouth Mansplains How Bad Bull Semen Batch Made Him Sweat During Congressional Testimony

3 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 3h ago

Trump Claims He's Better Than Nation's Founding Fathers Because He Owns No Slaves

10 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 3h ago

World's Poorest Trillionaire Vows To Invade Troy With Historical Accuracy

6 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 3h ago

Press Secretary Fat Barbie Releases Statement Detailing Low Testosterone Levels Among White House Staffers

7 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 3h ago

Low-T Poster Boy Stephen Miller Comes Out... Against Testosterone Testing

3 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 6h ago

Andrew Tate Charged With Crime Of "Sex Trafficking By Creep Not Wealthy Enough To Get Away With It"

9 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 6h ago

Local MAGA Man Confused Why The Libs He's Owned Are Laughing At Him

176 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 7h ago

Trump Places New Tariffs On Canada Because China Got A Couple US Voters Names And Addresses 6 Years Ago

4 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 8h ago

Trump Claims With 1.15 Trillion Defense Bill Windfall He Has Enough Cash To Attack Two More Small Countries

3 Upvotes

r/onionheadlines 8h ago

Andrew Tate Commits Suicide In His Cell During Surveillance Camera Malfunction

117 Upvotes