r/onionheadlines • u/ellistonvu • 4h ago
r/onionheadlines • u/tomtomglove • Nov 04 '25
ZERO TOLERANCE for rule 2: single sentence headlines only
We've been pretty lenient in modering run on headlines, but this ends today.
You need to make your headlines shorter. You can always make your headline shorter. If you have a headline that's over 30 words, rewrite it. There is a way to make it shorter I guarantee you, and there is a way to make it one sentence. You just need to use the meat in your skull to figure it out.
Also, do not include pull quotes in your headline. For example:
Trump Claims He Will Soon Replace Americans With AI - “All They Need To Do Is Vote Republican And Cheer For Me, And AI Can Do That Better, And It Doesn’t Protest At All”
Adding a dash here does not make this a single sentence in the eyes of us mods.
You can put the pull quote in the body of the post, but keep it out of the headline. Any headlines formatted like this will be removed.
Also please avoid headlines that are just a version of Trump: "I Have Very Bigly Hands and I'm The Greatest Golfer and on and on and on for 50 words"
A Trump impression is not a headline. Do better.
r/onionheadlines • u/BestStoogewasLarry • 16h ago
Trump Reportedly Preparing To Pardon Andrew Tate And Appoint Him Director Of The Newly Created Department Of Toxic Masculinity
r/onionheadlines • u/DefinitionEnough8747 • 12h ago
Bedridden 101-Year-Old Mitch McConnell Still Fighting For Life, Hoping To Live To See Day When Trump Finds Enough Votes To Win 2020 Election
r/onionheadlines • u/Hot-Explanationista • 14h ago
Trump Declares That United States Will Commit Two War Crimes In Response To Every War Crime By Iran To Teach Iran Rule Of Law And Respect For Human Life
r/onionheadlines • u/Hot-Explanationista • 13h ago
Trump Says He Loves Money So Much That E Jean Carroll Taking Millions From Him Constitutes Sexual Assault And He Wants One Hundred Trillion Billion Dollars In Moral Compensation
r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 4h ago
President Dunning-Kruger Still Doesn't Understand Percentages
“We’re delivering the largest prescription drug price cuts in history," said U.S. President Dunning-Kruger. "By a difference of 400, 500 and 600 percent reduction.”
r/onionheadlines • u/mc_petersonishsonson • 9h ago
Trump Says He Trusts Saudis With Nukes After Making Him A Billionaire
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 4h ago
Trump Executive Order Now Taxes 600% Of Sexual Assault Payouts
r/onionheadlines • u/Conscious-Material16 • 5h ago
Mitch McConnell Is Doing Great
After his brief fight with gravity, which he unfortunately lost, old Mitchy boy is doing great according to almost no news at all.
McConnell lived a long life feasting on the fruits of the hard work of truly ungrateful people. Fortunately he won't pay a dime for the Healthcare he has received for the last...
...100 plus years I think. Maybe two, hard to say. It is great legend all know to be that Mitchy is a direct decendant of the ancient turtle space dwellers. He would brave the world as many days as a congress person has to work, which is like 70 or something, while not wearing his safety shell. In the few days every year (273) he found himself at home, he would find refuge in his shell and ask for true guidance.
It is in time like this where we should all remember the Mitchster as being totally fine and not at all dead.
r/onionheadlines • u/mellow186 • 11h ago
Totally Normal For FBI Director To Be Called To Russia Just Before Election, Says Russia
r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 14h ago
Trump Family To Start Coffin Business For US Militarily Contract Prior To Troops On The Ground In Iran
r/onionheadlines • u/ImJustARandomOnline • 2h ago
White House Commissions Jim Henson’s Creature Shop To Build Replacement Mitch McConnell Animatronic
r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 14h ago
Trump Imposes 80% Tariff On Islamic Republic Of Japan Claiming They Sold Him Subpar Hairpiece
r/onionheadlines • u/Im_with_stooopid • 9h ago
President Trump Enters Rehab For Tariff Addiction.
r/onionheadlines • u/E-Plurbis-DumbDumb • 3h ago
Scientology Speedrunners Vow To Infiltrate Every Rehab Facility In The Greater DC Area Until They Find Mitch McConnell
r/onionheadlines • u/ShadyAnders • 5h ago
President Trump Convinced Mitch McConnell Possessed By Joe Biden
r/onionheadlines • u/ShadyAnders • 12h ago
Trump Claims Blue States Are "Two Weeks Away From Having A Nuclear Weapon"
r/onionheadlines • u/mc_petersonishsonson • 9h ago
GOP Attempts To Hide Voter Suppression Law By Naming It Free Ice Cream For Everyone Act
r/onionheadlines • u/AcrylicPickle • 2h ago
Explosive Diarrhea Lettuce Outbreak Revealed To Be Spinach Corporate Sabotage
r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 4h ago
Trump Seeks Praise From MAGA Base As He Completely Destroys Iran Military For 8th Time In 3 Months
r/onionheadlines • u/WebguyCanada • 4h ago
Trump Asks Joe Biden To Manage Midterm Elections Since They're Always Unfair When He's In Charge
r/onionheadlines • u/wild_crazy_ideas • 5h ago
Trump Claims Pretending That McConnell Is Alive Still Suits His Needs For At Least Another Two Weeks
r/onionheadlines • u/VulcanChessWarrior • 5h ago