It’s been like over 2 years since I lost my bestie and I think about her everyday.

I don’t really think about anything bad that happened between us. It’s mostly kind thoughts, I wonder where she is and think about our good times or funny things that happened.

But i also wonder sometimes if she thinks about me too, and if it’s soft on me? I wonder if people hold onto the best or worst version of you. Or the value they place on memories, or if they just continue forward and never look back.

online friend cut contact/ghosted me back in march where he removed me from every socials (at this time he didnt blocked me). it was so painful bcs i was left without closure, i kept questioning "why?" and retracing our old convos just find where did it went wrong. but eventually i started to make peace with it.

but then i found out recently he went out of his way to even blocked me on X bcs i get the notification through the history DM. i fell to a spiral again. i feel even worst than ever now bcs it feels like i did something wrong but i genuinely dont know what it is. i reached out to him on his bday and even apologized if i ever hurt him in any way and still no response.

this is the first time someone ever cut me off and it feels extremely painful

i feel like an absolute trash of a human being.

After months of planning I recently visited my only friend; An online friend who lives in another country, and their immediate reaction upon seeing me was an unmistakable deep frown as soon as we were face-to-face at the airport.

They didn't want anything to do with me after that. They picked me up, made obvious their disappointment, dropped me off, and then ghosted me.

After talking for so long with them, calling often, texting daily, paying for everything just to see them, and them calling me their best friend for so long they discarded me easily for no apparent reason other than that I'm just uglier in person.

In my desperate attempt to form a real connection with someone I just humiliated myself, and I can only blame myself for being so naive and desperately lonely. I really believed them whenever they told me that I was their best friend, and I can't even tell whether or not I'm just being dramatic by letting this hurt me so much.

I don't want to try making friends anymore I just want to fall into a black hole

M31 here.

Nearly three years ago, I met a group of people my age who were opening a club/community space right around the corner from my house.

It was an arts and literature group: a place to discuss books, cinema, and current events, but also just a cozy spot to hang out. To this day, they promote it on social media as "A safe space where we prioritize empathy, kindness, and mutual support, where we want to build something together..." and other bullshit like that. Well, yeah... I actually believed in it, or at least, I used to. So when I met them, I thought "How lucky am I? Finding people like this right on my doorstep!"

I started going there several times a week. I poured my energy into helping them renovate the place, chipped in for the rent during tough times, and constantly supported their projects. The group grew to about ten people. I stood up for a member who was being bullied (yeah, it sounds ridiculous, but adult bullying is real), lent out my bicycle, built and repaired furniture, and was always ready to listen. I couldn't believe I had found such an "amazing" group of people...

At least, until I was the one who needed help.

Within a single year, I suffered devastating losses that completely destroyed me: I lost my father, then my girlfriend, then my grandmother, and then my dog. Despair consumed me; I didn't even have the strength to live, so I stopped going to the club.

After I told them about my losses, I received a few messages of condolence. They asked me, "How are you doing?", and I was honest: I told them I was doing terribly, just describing what I was going through without trying to burden them. After that? Absolute silence.

A month passed before I got a message that simply read: "Are you coming to the book presentation?" I didn't reply. Three months later, they updated their WhatsApp and Facebook group photos with new images that no longer included me. After seven months of total silence, I completely removed them from my social media.

All the effort, kindness, and selflessness I poured into that place... it’s as if it never existed. As if nothing had ever happened. And the irony is that they still have the furniture I built for them, for free, sitting right inside that place.

It's been almost a year now, and I still can't stop thinking about it. Sometimes I tell myself I overreacted. Other times I realize that after I shared all my pain with them, not a single one of them said anything beyond a simple *"*Okay, I'm sorry."

I often blame myself, and sometimes I miss that place to death... but then I remember that all those people obsessed with "empathy, friendship, and kindness" were neither kind, nor empathetic, nor friendly to me during the absolute worst moment of my life. I didn't want to be the center of attention, I didn't want pity, and I wasn't playing the victim. I just wanted ONE kind word from the people I truly believed were my friends. Just one, to remind me that the world was still out there.

I'm aware that I probably handled the whole situation very poorly, but... it is what it is. Even though I still get a wave of nostalgia every now and then when I see them around the neighborhood.

Can a 5-year friendship be repaired after two breaches of trust? I need an honest perspective.

I'm looking for advice about a friendship that ended recently. I'll call my best friend A and our mutual friend B to keep everyone anonymous.

A and I were best friends for almost five years. We were extremely close, and I genuinely loved her and considered her like a sister. B was also a mutual friend of ours.

The situation is complicated because A and B already had a conflict about two years ago, and I was involved in the circumstances surrounding it.

At that time, A and B had a conflict over something that happened between them. A was very hurt and decided to cut B off immediately. During the conflict and afterward, B also said some negative things about A, which obviously made the situation worse and contributed to A feeling betrayed and hurt.

However, the situation wasn't entirely one-sided. B was also genuinely hurt by what had happened. At one point, B had been ready to go out with us, but A and I kept her waiting and weren't answering her calls. From B's perspective, she felt ignored and disrespected. So both people had their own reasons for feeling hurt, and the conflict became complicated.

After that conflict, I found myself stuck between two people I cared about. I didn't know how to handle the situation properly. I wanted A and B to eventually reconcile, and I didn't want to choose sides or make the conflict worse.

Before the first major incident involving me and A, I actually ghosted A for around four months. I know this was wrong. Instead of communicating properly about whatever I was feeling at the time, I withdrew and avoided her. Looking back, I realize that this was an unhealthy way of dealing with conflict and probably hurt her and damaged the trust between us.

After those four months, I saw A again and said hello to her.

Later, I was talking with B. During the conversation, B made a dismissive and somewhat mocking comment about A. She basically asked me whether A had even said hello to me properly or kissed me when I saw her.

I answered "no" and laughed.

A eventually heard about this conversation.

From A's perspective, this looked extremely disloyal. She had just seen me again after four months of being ghosted by me, and then she found out that I had been talking with B, who had already had a serious conflict with her, and that I had laughed when B made a dismissive comment about her.

A interpreted this as me agreeing with B, participating in talking behind her back, and failing to defend her.

I want to make something clear: I did not initiate a conversation to insult A. I did not intentionally try to humiliate her, spread rumors about her, or damage her reputation. My intention was not to betray her.

But I now understand that my reaction was still wrong.

I should have stopped the conversation or immediately made it clear that I didn't accept someone speaking about A that way. Instead, I laughed and answered the way I did. I can understand why A saw that as disloyalty, especially given the history between her and B.

A told me very clearly that she couldn't be friends with someone who talked behind her back.

I apologized, and we continued our friendship.

I genuinely believed I had learned from the situation.

However, looking back, I realize that I had a serious problem with conflict avoidance. I was constantly trying to keep everyone happy and avoid upsetting anyone. I thought that being "neutral" was the mature thing to do, but I now understand that there are situations where staying neutral can actually hurt someone you love.

I also didn't have a mature understanding of loyalty. I thought loyalty meant treating everyone equally and avoiding conflict. I didn't fully understand that loyalty also means protecting someone's privacy, respecting their boundaries, and speaking up when someone is being unfair or disrespectful toward them.

Time passed, and later another conflict happened involving A and B.

This time, A explicitly told me twice not to talk about her with B.

I eventually mentioned A's name to B anyway.

Again, I want to explain the context without using it as an excuse.

I wasn't trying to gossip about A, insult her, spread rumors, or make B hate her. I mentioned A because I was explaining why I had been distant and because, deep down, I still hoped that A and B could eventually reconcile.

But I now understand that my intention doesn't erase the fact that I crossed a boundary.

A had specifically asked me not to talk about her with B, and I did it anyway.

From A's perspective, this was especially painful because she had already explained to me after the first incident that talking about her behind her back was a serious boundary for her. So even though the circumstances and my intentions were different, she probably felt that I had repeated the same kind of betrayal after she had already given me a chance.

This time, the friendship ended.

A blocked me everywhere, and some of our mutual friends also unfollowed me. Her close friends strongly support her, and I've even been told that they wouldn't want A to come back to me even if A herself wanted to.

I understand why they are protective of her. From their perspective, they saw someone they care about get hurt and they probably believe they're protecting her from being hurt again.

I've spent the past months reflecting on everything that happened.

I realized that I have a lot of things I need to work on in myself.

I have been conflict-avoidant. I have ghosted people instead of communicating. I've tried too hard to please everyone. I've struggled to set boundaries. I've sometimes stayed neutral when I should have spoken up. I've also realized that I had an immature understanding of what loyalty means in a close friendship.

I don't believe I was intentionally malicious toward A. I genuinely loved her and wanted the best for her. But I now understand that loving someone doesn't automatically mean that you know how to be a good friend to them.

My intentions were not bad, but my actions still hurt her.

I deeply regret what happened, especially because I know that A had already told me after the first incident how she felt about this kind of behavior, and I still made another mistake later.

I don't want to minimize her pain or make myself the victim.

At the same time, I genuinely miss her. She was my best friend for almost five years, and losing her has been extremely painful for me. I still love her and care about her deeply.

I don't want to force myself back into her life. I don't want to violate her boundaries again or repeatedly contact her if she doesn't want me to.

What I want to know is whether reconciliation is ever possible in a situation like this.

If someone has been given a second chance, then makes another mistake involving the same person and the same general issue of loyalty and boundaries, can trust ever be rebuilt?

Is this the kind of situation where a friendship is permanently beyond repair, or can enough time, genuine personal growth, and accountability sometimes change things?

I know I cannot control whether A ever wants me back in her life. I also understand that I may have to accept that the friendship is over.

But I wonder whether there is ever a healthy way to leave the door open for reconciliation without pressuring the other person.

If you were in A's position, would you consider this an unforgivable betrayal, or would you see it as serious mistakes caused by conflict avoidance, immaturity, and poor boundaries that could potentially be worked on over time?

I would really appreciate honest opinions, including criticism. I'm not looking for people to tell me I'm innocent. I want to understand whether I genuinely have a chance of repairing what I broke, or whether the healthiest thing I can do is accept that I lost this friendship and focus on becoming a better person regardless of whether A ever sees that change.

Hey everyone, I really need some advice on how to handle a situation with a friend I care a lot about.

A while back, she got upset with me and blocked me. When I tried talking to her in person, she was barely responding. I jokingly handed her some chocolates and said, "Why are you ignoring me? Here, eat these chocolates." I meant it completely lightheartedly, but it backfired badly—she took it the wrong way and started ignoring me for real.

Seeing her distant, I thought giving her some space was the right move. But then she started posting Instagram stories that clearly felt targeted at me—things like "I was hurt and he just left me," "Instead of comforting me, he abandoned me," "I'm bad," "No one loves me," and even intense stuff about family problems and wanting to give up.

I reached out to her again after seeing those. We talked briefly, and she kept saying, "I'm fine, I'm okay," but her texting tone made it obvious she wasn't fine at all. I completely realize that I hurt her feelings with what I said and did, and I take full accountability for that. I just really want to figure out how to approach her and talk to her now to make things right.

Here are a few key details:

• Her personality & interests: She is quite stubborn, but at heart, she's a really good person. She is also a huge K-drama fan (if that gives any insight into how she views grand gestures, drama, or emotional reassurance!).
• Her pattern: When she gets angry, her default reaction is to block me and say she won't talk, but eventually, she comes around.
• Current status: I am unblocked in a few places now, but things are still tense.
• Interesting twist: I recently created a new alt account on Instagram under a fake name, and she immediately guessed it was me. This confirmed to me that she is still paying close attention and noticing what I do.

I really want to clear the air, apologize properly, and make her feel safe and cared for again, but I don't want to push her away further or make her feel overwhelmed.

How should I approach her from here? What's the best way to start a conversation, reassure her, and make amends? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

- anything would be nice :) js tryna get over this

hi guys i lost a best friend of 5+ years 1-2 months ago. she was my platonic soulmate, my sister. we had one argument and that broke us apart, it was my attempt of communicating to her about her being a bad friend to me and the resentment i had built up over these years. i had a bad day at work today and one of our friends keep updating me about her and honestly the less i know the better. i keep having dreams about her talking to me and stuff, but i know shes not gonna change cause she was self and boy centered and you know how that goes. i always was so kind to her but i was never truly her best friend because she had other best friends. even now when she lost two of her best friends (me and someone else) im not her priority. and shes chill with the other girl she lost even tho she shit talks her so much. this isn't my first time losing a friend but its my first time losing my best friend. im almost 18 and i just want to know how you guys deal with this stuff. i don't like being sad at all and its not even the fact that i lost her affecting me its just that she didn't try to keep me but she put a genuine effort to keep everyone else. please let me know if you guys later found a better girl friend in life to give me hope or something. she was the only girl i ever felt so comfortable with, not that i don't have other friends but she was my BEST friend, i wasn't hers though. i dont like knowing about people or checking up on them after a loss but i do miss the OLD her. also i lost alot of friends this year. i lost both sides of the friendship. i lost first of all my best friend and her friends and then the other girl that im friends with she doesnt include me in our friendgroup hangouts so like i deadas just lost

I'm not exactly sure how to write this tbh, I've been trying to message him again and again and I genuinely just don't understand why he's giving me the slient treatment and not messaging back or explaining but whatever who fucking cares

Basically I had a friend who I chatted with a bunch, He's helped me with my trans identity and gave me some advice or reaffiamations. I'm a very misanthorphic person, I've tried talking and getting to know people irl but like some Murphy's Law type shit it always does not go well because they either don't want me or use me for my money. I'm a pretty well off person, Not someone who can lazise around and do nothing. Moreso just well off that I can do alot of stuff comfortably. I live in Malaysia and my friend is kinda poor, Lower middle class we say and I help him out and he helps me out. So basically we talk and he gives me emotional support and I give him financial support. I helped him out on not getting out of the red because of his rent aswell as gifting him a nice animator pen. You know those things animators use and shit, Very expensive stuff too

Basically we had an argument and I was feeling very irratable. I feel like I always am but in the end we make up and we both apologise, I don't know why this time he just blocked me and just decided not to anymore. I just begged and begged and cried screamed and all that bullshit and even badly injured my hand and head by smashing into a plastic container. And now I'm just here. I've tried everything and sent whatever I can to try and appli to him via threats or begs or peals or fucking anything

And its hard but I think he's just gone forever, Giving me the slient treatment and not saying anything like a fucking middle schooler. And now I'm just here and I just don't know

Like I still think I'm in the right and he wronged me, He literally made me miserable and literally hurt myself​ and I literally lost 3 whole kilograms in a week because I haven't eaten shit. Honestly I don't really know what to say, I want him back but idk if he wants me back but I need him because idk if anyone can understand me anymore. I live in Malaysia and I'm trans its hard because I've never talked abiut that with anyone outside online

But now its all gone, Any type of thing I can thing of or just idk. Anything. Like. I feel awful and really I just don't think I'll ever be able to be me or just be something

My therapist once told me he genuinely thought I couldn't change and maybe he was right, I'm very mentally ill and no one really wants that baggage. Even if I threw as much money it doesn't work but I still am pissed off. How could you accept all that money and then leave. Like that's literal fucking theif

All and all I just don't know anymore, I've tried socialising irl but it always sucks. Its kinda sad to know I'll probably be one if those people who use AI Chatbots for socialising and alcohol to try and make life bearable. The one thing I've always wished about myself was to be anti social, Like truly anti social. Because in my opinion this whole loneliness thing with how people describe kt. Is one of the worse things the human condition has given us​

First, I’m very sorry if you don’t understand everything. English is not my native language.

Communication and friends are a difficult subject for me. Making friends has always been incredibly hard and I can tell today I only have two friends I never talk to, and we see each other sometimes throughout the year. My main relationships are online and I have failed all of them. It doesn’t matter how hard I try to fit in the group, it just doesn’t work.

I joined in September an writing role playing game. This community was definitely not for me but I tried. I promise, I tried everything, becoming the perfect people pleaser. And I think some people kinda liked me. Maybe. However, the community as a whole was pretty toxic, so judgmental, claiming that they were open-minded when they weren’t at all. I was constantly walking on eggs, reviewing again and again every message to make sure I wouldn’t upset them. Some people hide their hostility towards me by discreet behaviours that long years of rejection could notice. I was never chosen. I felt invisible for some. It hurts so badly.

I talked to some of my « friends » about that. They said if I quit they would understand. They were supportive even if they told me it was not big issues. Normal. You’re loved by everyone. Everyone talks to you so friendly.

But a day, it went too far. I felt so shitty, I decided to leave. Guess what? « You’re selfish to let us like that » « You had important things to do, it’s horrible to leave » « You’re a traitor » A traitor? Really? What about my own mental health? You always claim it’s super important to listen to yourself, to make decisions about you first, but when it comes to me, it’s not true anymore?

More than two months have past. I spent days talking to these people, these friends, when I was still part of the community. The minute I left, I got removed by some, and the others never have spoken to me since. How sad. Who’s the traitor?

I spend 7 months trying my best to exist as a real person for them. I did absolutely everything to please them, to prove them I was worthy. But I’m not.

i honestly miss them so much its pathetic. i can get back into contact with them whenever and ive been tempted to do so but i just feel embarrassed by it as its my fault we stopped talking in the first place. it was petty why we fell out and i regret it. its been like a year and a half now. i basically have no friends anymore and id do anything to just go back to how things use to be. maybe i should reach out but im just worried that theyll laugh at me for apologising 😭😭 thoughts????? maybe i should idk it wasnt likr a major argument we have i think it was just a miscommunication we had on either ends and id di anything ti clear it up. thanks for listening to me rant its liek nearly 2am and im just idk sorry

I'm so sorry it's really, really long story. I tried to make it enjoyed to read and added how I felt to make my way of seeing thing more clear.

So, in middle school I moved out with my family and joined a new school. There, I met the first trans person of my life, named A (same age as me.)

Since then something clicked in me. I kinda knew what a trans person was like before but meeting him was what triggered me into discovering that I was trans. I founded A to be the coolest person alive that ever existed, and it's still the truth until now. A influenced me to be who I am today, in a part of my interest, my style and the way to see things, I wanted to be as cool as him so he would admire me the way I did.

I wasn't someone very talkative, I was shy and lack an important amount of confiance in me. But with time and help of people that were all on the trans spectrum, we eventually all make friends, B (trans girl, who figured out later that he is not trans so I'll refer to B as "he") and C (N-B). They all knew each other since long ago and are childhood friends.

It's important to note that I only did my coming out one year later, so the last year of middle school, somewhere near Halloween and that the only person I've told it to was a girl in my old middle school that I liked and considered as my best friend the summer before.

That summer I asked that girl to find me a name cause at that time I was fine with everything. She did it and from the time being I wore that name. So when I did my coming out to my friends from my new middle, first to C, I told them to call me that.

Those year and a half, between our groups of friends, our history teacher, Mr. D was very famous, we all appreciated him very much, enjoyed his classes and personality and I think I can speak in their name sensing that he appreciated talking with us back.

So, the year goes on and I became more and more friends with them and I the end of the year, I was told that I had to do start over my last year cause I missed too much classes and my grades weren't sufficient enough.

Everyone entered high school and I was left behind in middle school. B and C were in the same high-school and A was in another one. It didn't stop us from seeing each other. B and C's high-school were in the same street as our middle school and our schedule were pretty similar so saw each other a lot. A's high-school was a bit further, and with B we went multiple times to see A at the end of his classes.

Another year pass and I enter high-school too. I was living pretty far from the middle school since very close after our first big moved out, we moved again to the neighboring city for financial reasons. So the high-school that was assigned to me was was one that was the closest from my home. And A, B and I kept on seeing each other and we stopped being friends with C for very serious reasons and their inappropriate and inacceptable behaviour.

When I moved out, my already so fragile relationship with the people from my old middle school didn't hold, and I eventually stop being as closed with the girl who name me. To an extent that it was starting to making me feel uncomfortable, not to forget that I'm European and it was a very deeply American name.

In high-school, I obviously didn't know anyone, and I was not motivated to do all the steps that I did in middle again. It felt like walking backwards. I wasn't hiding that I was trans anymore and was going with the thought that "If someone asked I'll just told them".

But it was an occasion to start over, getting ride of that name and of that one sided love I had. As I made new friends, I took that occasion to changed my name. I wanted it to say something, so I took the 1st name of Mr. D, without asking, without his autorisation. I just wanted it to have a meaning. I thought it would be a great reminiscent of him. Since he the first actual teacher that I liked and his classes made me liked history as my favorite school subjects.

So from the rest of year 1 and the beginning of year 2 of high-school I eventually renamed myself on all my social media that way. And even told some other friends from middle school that I took his last name. And their reaction was to tease me by calling me "Mr. D". So the way they reacted made believe that, sure it was kinda unsettling but nothing more. I sure didn't asked him nor told him I was trans but in my head it was planned for later, to meet him, coming out and asked him.

So that what I tried to do. Though I didn't knew when he finishes his work hours. I've found myself going to my old middle school and asking the staff if he was there and multiple times I was too late and missed him.

On the time being, A saw that I renamed myself Mr. D's 1st name on my socials and asked me why. I told him it was coming from Mr. D and I answered "I could named myself Guy if you want but meh. Do you think it's that serious that I took his name?" But in a genuine way, really. And then, radio silent.

It was only B and me left now.

It's important to mention that after middle school, A and Mr. D became "friends", not in any weird way, like really, they went to a demonstrations together and things like that, maybe more or maybe less, they both shared metal head's culture and passion, that why they went along together.

Mr. D is engaged and close to his old student. He went multiple time to demonstrations hold from B and C's high-school, participating and supporting them. Really, he's not a creep.

I eventually succed to see Mr. D one day, it was really nice, and we shared our commun interest for Anne Rice's books and eventually exchanged our numbers and proposed he to stop being formal with him, which I did not do, cause he's still an adult and let's be for real. And that day, he found out I was trans through the way I talked about myself. He then said that if I ever need to talk about it A was trans and all that. I didn't told him that day that I took his name. Sure, he was understanding but, even I felt that I messed up doing that behind his back.

It was my second year of high-school, and in total I went to see 4 times. I never told I took his name.

I was following A on Insta and Tiktok, I was assiduously listening to all of his ten minutes videos, liking all of them. I guess it made me feel I could understand him, be a bit more like him if I really tried to find interest in what was passionating him. And out of support obviously.

One day, close to May he posted a video saying something like "Being so oblivious that one of my friends stalker is liking all of my videos"

Oblivious, I liked it, and not even five minutes after he posted another one saying that he proved his point, the stalker just liked it.

Then I received I notification on instagram.

Some weeks ago, I sent A a message where I was asking if he was fine, since he moved out to the other side of the country the summer before.

It was days after his birthday, the last time I saw him, I was so stressed out for that day. I really value birthday and I want everyone of my friends to feel special that day, even more since him and B offered me two book from the vampires chronicles on my own birthday last year.

So I saved some money and went shopping, while calling B to ask him his advice. I ended up offering him a BD made by one of the illustrator from the Saga of John Constantine, wich he likes quite a lot.

So, A moved out, summer ends A finds out I took Mr. D's 1st name, silent radio, and then in May I received a notification on Insta. It was A who answered my text from weeks ago.

And it said "Kill yourself." Then I felt my heart beating like it never has before. I asked him why and he said that I knew exactly why. It was because of Mr. D's name.

And then, I wouldn't call it an argument, he wasn't quite angry, I guess, nor was I. I felt panicked.

He explained to me in long voiced messages how messed up I was and how I had a parasocial relationship with Mr. D, showing a screen from a conversation I had with B when I said that Mr. D told me we could be friends. Wich was obviously a joke even though he really said that.

I told him that and he said "No. You're lying to yourself. And I'm wondering why are you coming in my Dm's, sending my messages while you know that I hate you, like, you're looking for troubles. Why are you liking my videos, why are coming to talk to me. I hate you, you're abominable, I think you're abominable. You're weird, you have such a weird behavior. You're parasocial, that's what you are."

I told him that it was laughable of him to tried to diagnosed me since he told me to kill myself and that I wasn't "obsessed" with Mr. D.

He said jokes about some grammar mistake I've made, wich is really an ass rhetoric when you're arguing with someone online. Sorry I was to busy panicking to care about that.

He said "I ain't making myself seem like a psy, I'm saying you're parasocial. Had to come up with strong words but when you're acting the when you do. Go search it up online."

My mind always goes blank in moments like that. I regret not saying those comments to him when I could, cause the only thing that came up to my mind was to answer "Ok".

He then blocked me from every social platform he was on.

I sent B a message asking if he found that it was weird that I took on Mr.D's name. He said that my relationship with him was indeed not healthy. I answered "That's the deal, there isn't any relationship."

Radio silence from him since then.

Like a month later I opened discord after a very long time. A sent me a last message. "Shame on you. Don't ever get close to me, or to Mr.D, or to my friends. Go consult a psy, asshole."

I wrote an answer. More like a pleading message, a bit like this one, asking him if it was really a reason to hate me. I wanted to know why especially him reacted that way and not any of the others, why some laugh it up while he, hates me. I came to cry in his Dm's again. And I spent the entire night writing this pleading message, I didn't slept that night, trying to hold on to the last hope of our friendship. I couldn't stand the idea of someone I admire, someone who had such an impact in my life, came to hate me for, yes, a childish choice I made. Why him and not B who ghosted me.

My message never sent itself. He had blocked me there too.

So what should I do, if there is even something I can do. I just want to hear someone's opinion on it that has an external way of seeing this.

Every opinion will matter. I have no one to talk about this. None of my friendship are deep enough for me to get this personal with anyone.

Yes, it was a bad choice for me to take Mr.D's name without even talking with him about it, and even the idea of taking someone's name really isn't... And I still don't believe to have any kind of weird or parasocial relationship with Mr.D. He was, and is still JUST a nice teacher.

I wana give full context before continuing im just having a hard time letting go and moving on from what happened.

Lets name her Kelly, we were friends for about 2 yrs, after a yr of it just being me and her she introduced me to her friend let's name her amber. And all was well for months, i was under the impression we had this amazing friend group, went out frequently and texted everyday. I thought all was normal.

note: Im new to friend groups I usually just have separate friends and go out with all of them individually, no particular reason just how ive always been.

Then i started working 2 jobs and thats when things started to pick up. Kelly would be very short with me and easily frustrated, Id try to communicate as to what I was doing to make her feel that way and she would say it was just her. Amber also showed the same energy towards me but always told me i was fine not to worry. So a couple months go by same energy more frequent, all the hangouts were more party type and Kelly was more intoxicated at each events so I followed suite.

we introduce a new friend to the mix, "kevin" and Kevin starts to notice this animosity towards me and he doesnt understand and asks frequently and gets shut down. He got really close to them and started to apologize to me frequently and tried to arrange hangouts with just me.

note: I never hung out with any of them except Kelly alone. we were either in a group or not at all.

So one day out of the blue, Amber and Kevin invite me out which was odd because we never hangout without Kelly. and they let me know at the end of the hangout that for months Kelly had been nonstop talking bad behind my back. every time we hung out shed go to amber and tell her how I was annoying and how everything I did was wrong. and we started to go over specific situations where she had talked about me, and kelly was telling amber and Kevin that I was doing things that SHE WAS DOING

Example: she called her boyfriend for 3 hrs at a rave and we left early due to the argument, and she told them I did that.

She blamed her alcoholism on me, im the reason she was drunk and she went as far to sabotage me out of job. She threw away the birthday gifts I made her and said I did everything for attention

I told Kelly that this happened. i gave her the opportunity to own up to ehat she did an apologize. I would want to be given a chance to be better so I gave her one. And she told me that they were lying and they were sabotaging our friendship and I need to trust everything she said. So I did.

a month passes she owns up to everything but she said that its not what it looks like and she had built up anger and needed to release it and she apologized

another month passes and she owned up to it again but she isnt sorry but wants to move forward.

maybe a week after she did something she swore shed never do again she did, I cut her off. and she acted like she didnt understand why that was happening.

I just dont know how to let go. Im so hurt and manipulated. I have so much damage that she caused and I dont know how to move forward.

if anyone can help or shed some light id appreciate it

note: im not saying I didnt do anything to cause the friendship downfall, and i did set boundaries with her. She never respected them. and when she did set boundaries with me I respected them and never over crossed.

I need advice about a friendship breakup because I feel like people misunderstand what actually happened when I explain it briefly.

My best friend of almost 5 years and I ended our friendship after a series of situations involving another mutual friend. I want to be clear that I'm not trying to justify my behavior or make myself the victim. I know I made mistakes, and I take responsibility for them. I'm just trying to explain the situation accurately because people often hear "betrayal" and assume I intentionally spread rumors or maliciously talked badly about my best friend, which isn't what happened.

To understand the situation, there was already history between my best friend and this mutual friend. About two years ago, they had a conflict over something that happened between them. My best friend decided to cut the other person off immediately. During that period, the other friend also said some negative things about my best friend, which obviously contributed to the tension and made my best friend feel hurt and betrayed.

However, the situation wasn't completely one-sided. The other friend was also hurt by what had happened. At one point, she had been ready to go out with us, but we kept her waiting and weren't answering her calls. From her perspective, she felt ignored and disrespected. So there were hurt feelings on both sides, and I was caught in the middle of a friendship conflict that had already become complicated.

Before the first major conflict involving me, I actually ghosted my best friend for around four months. Looking back, I know that was unhealthy and unfair. Instead of communicating properly when I was struggling, I withdrew and avoided the situation. After those four months, I saw her again and greeted her.

Later, I was talking to the other mutual friend. During that conversation, she made a dismissive comment about my best friend, basically asking me in a mocking way whether my best friend had even said hello to me properly or kissed me. I answered "no" and laughed.

My best friend eventually heard that conversation. From her perspective, she had just seen me again after four months of not speaking, and then I went and laughed with someone who was making a disrespectful comment about her. She interpreted my reaction as me agreeing with the other person and being disloyal to her. She felt that I was participating in talking behind her back.

I want to clarify that I did NOT initiate the conversation about her, I did NOT insult her, and I did NOT intend to humiliate or attack her. But I understand that I still handled the situation badly. I should have immediately stopped the conversation or defended her instead of laughing and answering the way I did.

I was extremely conflict-avoidant and afraid of upsetting people. Because these two people had already had a serious conflict, I was constantly trying to remain neutral and keep peace between everyone. But I now understand that staying neutral doesn't mean staying silent when someone you love is being disrespected.

My best friend told me very clearly that she couldn't be friends with someone who talked behind her back. I apologized, and we continued our friendship. I genuinely believed I had understood what I had done wrong and that I wouldn't repeat the same mistake.

Later, there was another conflict involving the same mutual friend. This time, my best friend explicitly asked me twice not to talk about her with this person. I eventually mentioned my best friend's name anyway.

Again, I want to be very clear: I wasn't trying to gossip about her, insult her, or damage her reputation. I mentioned her because I was explaining why I had been distant and because I still hoped that the two of them could eventually reconcile. But I understand now that this doesn't excuse what I did. My best friend had specifically asked me not to bring her up, and I crossed that boundary.

This second incident was especially painful for her because she had already told me after the first situation how important this boundary was to her. So even though my intentions were different, from her perspective it probably felt like I had repeated the same kind of betrayal.

After that, she completely ended the friendship. She blocked me everywhere, and some mutual friends also unfollowed me. Her close friends strongly support her and have told me that they don't want her to come back to me, even if she ever wanted to.

I've spent the past months reflecting on everything. I realized that my biggest problems were not that I wanted to hurt my friend or secretly wanted to betray her. My problems were that I was extremely conflict-avoidant, I ghosted instead of communicating, I tried to please everyone, I didn't know how to set healthy boundaries, and I didn't understand that sometimes staying "neutral" can itself hurt someone you love.

I also realized that I had a very immature understanding of loyalty. I thought that being a good friend meant avoiding conflict with everyone and treating both sides equally. Now I understand that loyalty doesn't mean blindly taking someone's side; it means being honest, protecting their privacy, respecting their boundaries, and speaking up when someone is being unfair or disrespectful toward them.

I deeply regret my actions. I know that my intentions don't erase the impact they had on my best friend. I also know that I was given a chance after the first incident, and the fact that I made another mistake later makes the situation much more serious.

But my question is: Does making serious mistakes in a friendship necessarily mean reconciliation is impossible forever?

I don't want to force my way back into her life. I don't want to violate her boundaries again or pressure her to forgive me. I want to genuinely work on myself and become a healthier, more loyal, and more emotionally mature person.

If someone has been deeply hurt by you and has completely cut you off, but you genuinely understand what you did wrong and are willing to change, is there ever a possibility that, after enough time, they could become open to reconciliation? Or once someone has been hurt twice, is the friendship permanently beyond repair?

I know I can't control whether she ever comes back. I just want to know whether people have experienced situations where a friendship seemed completely over, but after years of growth, forgiveness and maturity, the two people eventually found their way back to each other.

I’ve known my best friend since middle school. We were both very sheltered, friendly, shy kids. We were in a lot of the same clubs in high school and we both stayed in town for college.

We both had our share of toxic relationships, but hers always meant she would dissolve into thin air and become whatever version the bf wanted her to be. We were both doing our own growing so it wasn’t a huge deal until she got this job showing semi luxury apartments. She was desperate to keep up with the lifestyle a lot of her coworkers led being children of rich parents, which we weren’t. She began sugaring and got unhealthily close to one of her arrangements. Things came to a head when after we spent the day together, including smoking very strong weed. Some guy she was talking to became available and she went super cold on me, which never happened before. It was pretty clear she didn’t give a shit that it was storming and unsafe for me to drive home, but at that point I gathered my things and left without saying anything.

We didn’t talk for months after that. She sent me a weird forced-sounding apology email that I never responded to. I was in a new era of my life and I didn’t want a pick me friend who’d choose some dick over her best friend.

A couple years later, four total since going zero contact, my older sister died. She texted me sending her condolences, and it was good to hear from her considering many others were dealing with their own COVID-era changes. She was engaged and pregnant with her first kid.

She told me about her husband that she met in college. I didn’t recall her ever talking about him, but hey, she was happy, it seemed. The more we discussed him, the more she complained about how conservative he is, how she hates his mom, once the baby arrived, arguments about their parenting styles became the norm. My boyfriend and I attended her wedding which was strange because most of the attendees were family and friends of the groom. I was literally the only friend who came. And when we hung out to catch up after that, we always seemed to be on her husband’s time. She could only be out for brunch from 11-3 because her husband didn’t want to be alone with their kid that long, her words, not mine. I can’t think of one evening event of mine that she attended where she was allowed to stay past 9. She would talk about future girls trips like we were playing pretend. I knew it wasn’t in the cards, but I played along.

When they got their first house she would text me about her secret practice of Etsy witchcraft that she kept away in her office. I didn’t judge because I had a crystal healing era of sorts. My only objection was when she tried telling me she channeled my sister. We had a serious boundary conversation after that. And actually, it’s since then that things have gotten really fucking weird. Instead of coming over for coffee on her lunch, she’d leave me a drink at my door along with a little gift of some sort and text after the fact. Then she just stopped coming by, but we kept in touch via text. She let me know they were moving to a new city but keeping her job in the city so she could still come by from time to time.

She sent a mutual friend of ours invites to her fortieth birthday party maybe a week before the date. I couldn’t go because I already made plans for another friend’s birthday. I was part of an interactive game of Taskmaster they host annually, so there was no way I would miss it. And our other friend had plans to stay at her weekend home. We offered to take her out for brunch to make it up to her. She said no worries. It’s just 40. Something like that.

After that, we were texting pretty regularly, for us. Sometimes one of us would miss a day or two then catch up. The first time, a couple of weeks had gone by, so I checked in. No response. Another couple months, I send a follow up to see if she’s okay. No response. That was the end of May, I believe? Then our friend texted her. No response to her, either. Last week I texted her and let her know that her friends were thinking of her and were at the point of concern where we’d consider sending out a welfare check for her safety. She finally responded “Hi, I’m fine but needed to step away from everything. Marriage is good and *kid’s name* is too. Thank you.” As a knee jerk reaction I just responded “Good to hear. Thanks!” But later that night it occurred to me that she didn’t answer any of my questions so I sent the last one.

“One more thing. I asked about how you were. Not your marriage or your kid. Because I recognize you are a person outside of being a wife and mother. I care about YOU.

Anyway, I hope you are safe and YOU are doing well by your standards for yourself. Whatever you are stepping away from, I hope you’re doing so with autonomy.

You know I’m not stupid.”

I blocked her social media cause I don’t even feel like it’s her I’m speaking with. The message had no personality and was very general. I talked to people who know her and they suggested reaching out to family, but I don’t want to interfere any further. It’s kind of exhausting to think about now. My friend, who we’ve all known since middle school, the friend’s boyfriend and mine have all considered that maybe she’s not the only one with access to her phone now. Especially after the text. I’m worried, but I also don’t want to assume the worst is happening and just let it go.

I can’t believe I got all that off my chest. If anything I guess I can say that, but I’m at a loss and trying to figure out the best way to proceed while protecting my peace.

How do you repair a friendship after a serious breach of trust when the other person feels betrayed more than once?

I had a best friend of almost 5 years. Before the first major conflict between her and another mutual friend, I had actually ghosted my best friend for a period of time. Looking back, I know that was wrong. Instead of communicating properly when I was upset, I withdrew and avoided the situation. I now understand that this probably already hurt her and affected the trust between us.

Then came the first major conflict. One day, I saw my best friend and said hello to her. Later, I was talking with the other mutual friend, and she made a dismissive comment about my best friend, basically asking me in a mocking way whether my best friend had even said hello to me properly or hugged me. I answered "no" and laughed. My best friend later heard the conversation.

I didn't intend to insult her or humiliate her, and at the time I didn't fully understand how bad it looked. But from her perspective, I had just greeted her, then went and laughed with someone who was making a disrespectful comment about her. She saw that as disloyalty and as me participating in talking behind her back. She told me very clearly that she couldn't be friends with someone who talked behind her back.

At the time, I apologized and genuinely thought I understood what I had done wrong. But I now realize that I had a bigger problem: I was extremely conflict-avoidant. I wanted to remain neutral, keep everyone happy, and avoid taking sides, but in doing so I sometimes failed to stand up for people I loved.

Later, there was another conflict. My best friend explicitly asked me twice not to talk about her with this same person. I eventually mentioned her name anyway. My intention wasn't to gossip, insult her, or spread anything negative. I was trying to explain why I had been distant and, deep down, I still hoped the two of them could reconcile. But I now understand that good intentions don't erase the fact that I crossed a boundary she had clearly communicated to me.

From her perspective, this probably felt like a second betrayal: the first time she had already told me how deeply it hurt her to feel that I was talking about her behind her back, and then later I did something she had specifically asked me not to do.

This time, she completely cut me off. She blocked me everywhere, and some mutual friends also unfollowed me. She has made it clear that she doesn't want contact.

I've spent the past months going back through old conversations and reflecting on everything. I've realized that I had unhealthy patterns: ghosting instead of communicating, conflict avoidance, trying too hard to stay neutral, people-pleasing, not knowing when to speak up, and not understanding how important loyalty and boundaries are in close friendships.

I genuinely regret how I handled things. I don't believe I ever wanted to hurt my friend or damage her reputation, but I now understand that intentions don't erase impact, and that love for someone isn't enough if your actions don't make them feel safe and respected.

I still love and miss my friend deeply. I don't want to pressure her or force her to forgive me. If she never wants to speak to me again, I know I have to respect that. But if she ever becomes open to reconciliation, I would genuinely like to rebuild the friendship in a healthier way.

How do you rebuild trust when someone has already given you a chance, then feels betrayed again? Is it possible to repair a friendship when the person feels that the betrayal happened twice, especially when the first incident involved disloyalty and the second involved crossing a clearly stated boundary? What can I do to genuinely demonstrate that I've changed without trying to force my way back into their life? And if someone has completely closed the door, is the healthiest thing to accept it, or is it okay to leave the door open for reconciliation someday?

So basically a little more than a year ago I had a kind of big falling out with a close friend because (long story short) she didn’t have the capacity at the time to be the friend I needed but she never explicitly said that and I had to end the friendship after deciphering her silence and distance. We had a bit of I wanna say a confrontation talking about why and then it ended at the time permanently.

I had to end it permanently because I felt like I was not in a place where I could maintain any contact with her at the time. I needed to build a life with people who could give me what I needed and now I have that. Back then I removed her as a follower and unfollowed her because looking at her feed hurt.

So I’ve been reflecting once summer started and I really missed having her as a friend and always wished her well so I thought why not just send a message saying hi again now that I’m in a better place. I went to Instagram and opened our old dm and texted her and she ended up responding and we had a small back and forth until the conversation naturally died out so I offered her lunch anytime she’s in town. She responded to everything else in the chat and ignored the lunch invite and we both ended the conversation so I took that as a she doesn’t want to engage with that.

In the past one of the reasons she couldn’t be the friend I needed was because I could never see her in person and she would always evade and not respond any time I asked her to hang out.

Anyway, I left that for about a week went out lived my life and then I thought I just wanted to send her a follow request just casually since we had a pleasant interaction on text. This is the first time I sent a request since what happened. It’s been a bit more than a day and it’s still on “requested” and I just wanted to know if someone knows the signs to tell whether I should back off or not. Or the signs that she wants to leave me in the past and is essentially evading the request like how she evaded the lunch thing.

i’ve been good friends with my roommates all throughout college. I’ve had little issues with them over the past few years but nothing compared to my last year of college when Jane (random name) started dating our other roommate Carrie behind my back without telling me. Keep it mind the apartment is just us three Jane Carrie and me. I was pretty upset because at the time we were all three very close and it felt like they were sneaking around. Flash forward a year later and i finally tell Jane that I had been feeling neglected these past couple months because of their relationship with Carrie. They respond really frustrated that I waited so long to tell them and they have been trying to be their for me the last months(to create space where i felt i could come to them about this) so basically that they were giving effort where I wasn’t noticing. They also felt like i was being unsupportive of their relationship. I tried my hardest to take accountability and make amends( apologized that I made them feel this way, also sent a text to Carrie if she also felt that way)

However post conversation Carrie and Jane came back to the apartment maybe once a week until I moved out. They moved together somewhere else downtown. Jane disinvited me from their birthday party, ignored my love you/ happy fourth of july text/, and sent me some pretty passive agressive text when i asked to give me a heads up when they take furniture without me knowing from the apartment.

I didn’t say goodbye to either Carrie or Jane when I moved back home from college. Neither tried and I don’t know if it would have been healthy

. I can’t stop replaying what I could have done better, what I can do, what went wrong. I find myself doubting my ability to have sustainable long term friendships. and if someone who has known me for three years can treat me like this how good of a friend am I?

I guess I’m just asking how I can move forward as this was two people I thought I would be friends with forever. Carrie just recently stopped sharing her location with me (i have most of my close friends location, even ones from a couple of years ago)—and that really hurt.

Anyhow thank you for reading this much and anything helps🫠 even if you have a relatable story !

I 27F have been in 2 friendship breakups over the past 4 years. The first one was a 10+ year long friendship and the second was 3 years long. In both instances things were just blown out of proportion but even after apologising the friendship could never be the same again and have ended. Can’t help but feel like the common denominator is just me at this point despite me always putting most of the effort in both friendships. Even though I have a partner nothing beats the sisterhood that comes with a friendship group but I just don’t think I could ever get that back especially since it’s so hard to make friends these days and I’m so traumatised by both of these situations.

Advice please

I really need outside perspectives because I’ve been replaying this situation in my head for weeks and I genuinely don’t know if I’m being unfair to myself or not.

I (F) was friends with X. We weren’t part of the same friend group as Y and Z. X and I were just friends.
For most of our friendship, I actually never vented about X to anyone. I was very protective of our friendship, and if we had issues, I kept them between us. But over time, X started venting to other people about our friendship and our disagreements. Once I became aware of that, it made me feel like it was okay for me to seek advice from other people too when I was struggling with something involving her. Looking back, maybe that changed my boundaries without me fully realizing it.

At one point, I was having issues/confusion in my friendship with X and I spoke to Y about it because I needed advice and wanted another perspective. Y was someone I was very close to at the time, and I used to tell her a lot about what was going on in my life. I wasn’t trying to trash X or ruin her reputation. I was venting and trying to understand the situation.
Later on, I found out that Y had repeated things to X and claimed that I had said things that I genuinely never said, including calling Y “toxic” and saying she was “desperate for a guy” (I never used those words). X ended up hearing all of this and removed me from everywhere without ever asking me for my side of the story.
I sent X messages explaining that I never said those things and that I felt hurt that no one had asked me what actually happened before judging me. I was emotional and defensive in those messages because I felt falsely accused. X never replied. It’s now been a few weeks, and she’s removed me from all social media.
The part I’m struggling with is this: I know I did talk about my issues with X to Y. I regret that because none of this would have happened if I hadn’t. But I genuinely wasn’t trying to be malicious. I thought I was confiding in someone I trusted and asking for advice about a friendship that was upsetting me.
I also had a feeling months before all of this that I needed stronger boundaries with Y because I felt I was becoming too emotionally dependent on her and telling her everything. I ignored that feeling, and now I regret it.

So I guess my questions are:
Was I wrong for talking to Y about my friendship with X in the first place?
Am I just making excuses for myself by saying I was venting and asking for advice?
Did X venting to other people about our friendship make it understandable that I thought it was okay to do the same, or am I using that to justify my own behaviour?
Was X justified in cutting me off without hearing my side?
How do I move on from this without constantly blaming myself and replaying every decision I made?
Please be honest. I can take accountability for my part in this, but I also don’t know if I’m carrying responsibility for things that weren’t actually mine to carry.

A friendly acquaintance rejected me a while back. We're still on the same uni campus and I run into her and the guy she's close with occasionally. I've been stuck ever since trying to work out whether if he was the reason I got rejected, and I'm deciding whether to send her a short, neutral message or leave it alone permanently. It's a long story but please answer my question: Background below

There’s a story that’s been affecting me for some time so bear with me. I moved to a new city for uni and don’t know anyone. I met this girl from class, “A” and became interested in her. I got her discord and I found she was a friendly person, in week 1 when I missed out on lecture she gave a detailed notes and mostly chatted other stuffs too. She’s a bit older than me and i actually liked her the first moment I saw her too.

In week 3, I asked to grab a coffee together after the lecture. I noticed she was already seated with him, “B” (youngest) and initially I didn’t see him much of a threat. She flatly told me he was just someone from “tutorial from before” which I believed until I found they spent more time outside of class but still at uni too. I also noticed she had a ring on her left hand fourth finger in week 3. B didn’t leave when we were about to part for coffee, and I invited him into the hangout. For example, she had not known that he attended church (when I asked them what they do on the weekends). However, they discovered several things in common, including religion and good at music. Though when she found B went to church, she just said ‘what a small world’ then pivoted to ask me if i went to church as well. She laughed a lot at his jokes and seemed physically oriented toward him. B also mentioned that they had spent part of a lunch break together before the wk 3 lecture. I began feeling like a third wheel, especially since she was laughing hard even before they discovered commonalities. although I believed they had only met a week or two earlier. I remember leaving the coffee thinking ‘really? what is it about him did she see?’ cos I didn’t see B as a threat when I first saw him but after seeing her behaviour had to readjust.

A few weeks after, I asked out A again but this time on an explicit date. She thanked me for the invite but said she was “currently in relationship”. I did accept it gracefully (I thanked her for being honest and wished her luck) and did not continue pursuing her after. That was like a few weeks after the week 3 coffee, not sure if it’s too quick for A to refer to B for the relationship. Tbh I asked her in the middle of the term not really because I thought I had a chance but because I thought asking out at the end of term would be worse/too late till B asks first or something.

Over the rest of the term though, I noticed A and B becoming closer, whilst they did have a group project (from mid term) they paired up at the start of term. Anyway, in the final week, I actually was hoping to say a final goodbye, as a closure. I tried 2 times, arriving the lecture 5 mins early hoping to catch them and just say bye and after the lecture. But I didn’t have the chance to do so because they both arrived to the lecture late together by 20 minutes. I tried to encounter them after the lecture but honestly I saw how two of them were walking close (not touching) but side by side, looking ahead. They weren’t even talking to each other too. And back when I was rejected, I just saw the ring + her statement and thought oh she must be taken (I didn’t intentionally try to steal or ask a taken woman. Whilst I did see the ring, the closeness I saw between her and him made me think it was contradiction). But seeing how close they walked and how they both came to the lecture late together made me confused and we didn’t say bye to each other (it was sort of mutual yea, although someone did murmur as I passed but I couldn’t tell who or what was said but I've wondered since if it was her telling him). She did spend 2 days delay when rejecting me (i saw her typing/untyping for 40 minutes on the day i asked her out but she sent two days after). And if B was the relationship she was referring to , say if A whispered then wouldn’t B have known since week 6? The murmur doesn’t matter to me emotionally much so maybe not productive to dwell on this.

There were few times where I didn’t even leave my room because I felt bad.

Fast forward, us three (more like them + me on the outside, if they even think about me at all) are still in the same program, same campus and uni. There was a break with new term, fresh faces and all that. And yeah, what do u know, we happened to be enrolled in the same course next term too. And there was a mandatory pair project component. I found that A and B were initially not pairs the first lecture, they were in fact in different class too (u had to be in same class for the pair). I don’t think they knew they were taking the course at the very first lecture. But it’s only at the end of the week they paired up and switched to be in the same class. I dropped that course due to other reasons and just thought I moved on.

And a term after (current term), A and B don’t share any classes anymore. I actually ran into B on campus which is what prompted me to start this. And we only had like an hour of coffee last year (me her and him) so I thought he forgot about me (back then he was asking me if i went to like private schools and runs uni society). But in fact when B saw me, he changed direction suddenly, move toward me as if to intercept, there were some pauses as though he wanted to say hello. I later on found out that B doesn’t have any class on that day but A did. She had a class starting at 2pm and I saw him about to leave campus at 2:17 pm (until he saw me and pivoted). I’m not sure if B was with A and spent the break together, before the lecture started. They have no shared course between them. If so it seems to be unusually close into this new term. I wonder if A lied to me when she said she was in a relationship and was developing it with B too.

To be honest when I got rejected romantically, I thought I moved on a week or two afterwards. But I was under the assumption that she was taken BEFORE the term. Ngl constantly seeing her and him together hurt, and some I cannot explain away as ordinary classmate friendliness (like coming to late lecture together or walking close side by side but not touching. actually I never saw touching). And at the week 3 coffee it was when she discovered commonalities with B like they are both Christians and musicians too and I didn’t fit into those two criterias. It was just unlucky so I don’t blame them, when she discoverd church commonalities, she pivoted after and ask if I go to church as well. I don’t blame myself for asking her out because what I felt was real but I also feel like I’m stuck still thinking and all that.

At least academic wise, I got a great internship at the end of this year and will publish a research paper too. I do feel a bit vindicated that I was the bigger person. B is only significant in this story because of her reaction to him. Without A I wouldn’t give a second thought about B, to be very candid with you. (I’ve been carrying all these on the side whilst securing the internship and research publication skull)

How do I stop trying to solve whether A and B were or are together? What should I do? don’t think I can fully accept that I had some brief but for me, intense, connection with her, and that I will never be part of her life. Sometimes I have this urge not to pursue her romantically but to show/insert myself that I did exist. And I don’t want to seem rude or anything that I ‘faded’ because I didn’t get what I wanted. I liked her as a person yea and it’s been a while kinda curious too. Has anyone experienced becoming fixated less on the rejection itself and more on feeling replaced or forgotten? Like what good does it get out of and I do worry I spent so much time.

TBH the whole thing, unlike before, it did make me a lot more cautious not to approach any group especially when it’s just a girl and a guy. Even if they said they’re just ‘classmate’ or ‘friends’. I find it’s easier to hang out with other guys and befriend and less stress too.

I don’t know what to feel good about and whether if I imagined the connection or closeness at all. I remember telling the convo I had with A and the text to few ppl in real life and they said she did like me and ended in wk 6 cooly. I just feel like I need to know to move on

Me (18F) and my friend (18F) — I'll call her Rachel — have been friends for 4 years. We met at the start of high school and have been best friends ever since. Our friendship has been complicated from the start. In the beginning we were young and didn't know any better, but the fact that I never got a proper apology for anything that happened has left me holding onto a lot of resentment.

We were boarders at our high school and were basically like sisters — together 24/7. She got into a relationship with a guy freshman year, which she agreed to somewhat impulsively, and it's a toxic relationship that still isn't fully over even today. Looking back now, I can see I got way too involved in it. She'd open the door for me to get involved so I did, because I wanted to protect her. I had low self-esteem at the time, so I'd get hurt over things too easily and that caused some bad fights between us. My memory isn't great so I don't remember everything, but Rachel would project every bad feeling from that relationship onto me. Most of our fights were about her boyfriend or her toxic relationship. We shared a dorm room and were in the same class, so there was never any physical distance between us — and that meant there was no emotional distance either.

I was never good at handling conflict. I'd either cry or suddenly start yelling. I was also really depressed during this period — the bad state of our friendship wore me down completely. Looking back, I can see I got too attached to Rachel. She let me get close, so I did — but then I'd get blamed whenever we argued about her toxic relationship.

There's one fight in particular I'll never forget. I don't remember how it started, but I'm sure it was about her relationship again, because her boyfriend was disrespectful and gross, and it hurt me to see someone I cared about being treated that way by a guy. We were yelling at each other, and even though it was a weekday and we had school, she packed her things and left. I remember that night being really hard — I woke up the next morning with severe chest pain and had to go home. I remember having chest pain for days afterward. At the time, our mutual friends kept telling me to end the friendship if it was hurting me this much. I always wanted to but never had the courage — or being in the same environment all the time, I'd soften up and forget what happened. I wanted to switch schools multiple times just because of this, but couldn't for family reasons. Because there was no physical distance between us, I was directly affected by her moods and it hurt me. My mom always says I gave her too much and never got it back — that I sacrificed too much for her. She still thinks that and tells me not to give up so much of myself.

I feel like I've made Rachel sound like a bad person this whole time. There were times she really did help me a lot too. Before her, I'd never had a real, proper friend. She's my first best friend. I was always a closed-off, introverted person, and Rachel was one of the people who helped me open up and be less shy. During the period when my eating disorder was really bad, she tried hard to get me to eat. And I genuinely had a lot of fun with her. The first two years of our friendship were like this — lots of fighting, me constantly crying, trying to convince her to end her relationship.

In my junior year I switched schools and my life changed a lot. Being away from Rachel and no longer being exposed to her toxic relationship alongside her was really good for me. I made new friends and started to see the mistakes I'd made in the past. My new friends understood me so much better — we had similar interests, or if they didn't share them, they learned about them for my sake, listened to my favorite singer, and never complained about me talking about them for hours. Rachel and I never had a shared interest — I was always the one trying to fit into her interests, and she didn't really try the same for me. My new friends had similar mindsets, worldviews, and values to mine, which really helped me overcome how passive I used to be. My old school was much more conservative, so I felt pressured there and always hid parts of myself out of fear of judgment. But my new friends were completely like me — I felt truly understood for the first time. Now, being friends with Rachel makes me feel guilty in that regard. Since she doesn't share those same values, being friends with her feels like it's compromising mine. Recently she got back together with her ex. I won't go into details out of respect for their privacy, but that guy did some of the most disrespectful things possible to Rachel. At this point, I'm tired of being more upset about it than she is. Her spending her time on someone like that feels disrespectful to herself. I want absolutely nothing to do with a guy like that, even indirectly.

I also never used to think I was funny. Rachel was the funny, outgoing one in our friendship. I always looked up to that about her — not out of jealousy, I loved (and still love) her bubbly, cheerful energy — but I used to wonder why I couldn't be funny like her. With my new friends, it was the opposite: I never knew I could be this fun. They always see me as funny and entertaining. This made me realize I've never fully been able to open up to Rachel. That's not her fault — actually, it makes me feel a bit guilty. She deserves a best friend who can be fully open with her. But I can't fully show her my inner world. We just don't share the same worldview or interests, and that distance between us keeps growing.

We hadn't had any major issues in a long time — just an occasional, nagging inner voice telling me she didn't value me as much as I valued her.

The most recent thing happened not long ago.

The cousin who sexually abused me as a child recently got married. I learned they'd be visiting my family the next evening. This is a complicated situation I currently don't have the strength to confront, and most of my family wouldn't believe it even if I told them. There's been a long-standing rift with my dad's side of the family, and I hadn't seen this cousin in a long time — I hadn't even been fully aware of what had happened to me before. Once I found out he was coming, all I knew was that I couldn't see him. I knew how badly it would affect me if I did. So I asked Rachel if I could stay at her place, just for one night. Rachel knew about this situation — she was the first person I knew I could ask for help. She told me it was her sister's birthday the next day and they'd be celebrating at their grandmother's house, so she wouldn't be home.

Honestly, I felt hurt by this. I would never leave her in a situation like mine — I would've skipped the birthday if I had to (and her family knows me well, they like me, I'm not a stranger to them). If she'd wanted to, she really could have gotten me out of that situation. But at the same time, I know she wasn't obligated to let me stay at her place — I have to respect her decision. I had no other way out besides Rachel. I have high blood pressure and had a panic attack. I called my other close friends, but they couldn't help since they weren't in the same city — still, that 40-minute call meant a lot to me, and they checked on me constantly the next day. I hoped for the same from Rachel.

But she never reached out — didn't ask how I was feeling, didn't try to calm me down. The next day there was some back-and-forth: my cousin and his wife ended up being busy, so his mom and my uncle came instead. Somehow I avoided seeing him. After the guests left, Rachel texted at 11:30 PM to ask how I was. After not thinking of me even once all day, she texted right at the end of the day. Then I saw her mom's Instagram story — a photo of her sister's birthday cake, with their house clearly in the background. So from what I could tell, they hadn't been at the grandmother's after all.

Because of this, I started replying to her messages much later, because I was genuinely hurt. She then texted asking why I was taking so long to reply. From here on, I'll write the messages as they were exchanged (I'm not including screenshots since English isn't our first language):

**Me:** I feel hurt, but I'm not even sure if I should feel this way. **Rachel:** Because I didn't agree to let you come stay? **Me:** Saying it like that makes me feel like I'm overreacting, but when I texted you, you were the only option I saw for myself, and I was in a really bad place. I want you to have fun, it's not my place to interfere with that, but I felt so left out. Forget the staying over part — you didn't even call, didn't ask how I was. I just cried all night wondering what I was going to do. **Rachel:** I texted asking what you did. We were going to be at our grandmother's and it was my sister's birthday. I explained that to you and told you I wasn't available. I don't think I did anything wrong. If I did something wrong, I'm sorry. **Me:** I would never leave you in the same situation, and I didn't feel like you were there for me at all. It's not necessarily about inviting me to your place — you didn't call or text even once the whole day, and that alone would have meant a lot to me. You only thought of me after our guests left. I still don't feel good. Let's just talk later. **Rachel:** You told me they'd be coming in the evening. I texted you as soon as I got home. Anyway, fine, we'll talk whenever you want.

I know she's not responsible for my feelings, and I'm trying to be understanding rather than jump to conclusions. But looking at these messages, I feel deeply misunderstood and unimportant. Even the way she apologized feels like it was just to smooth things over quickly rather than something she really meant.

My head is just a mess right now. This feels like a turning point to me, and even though I value our friendship a lot, part of me feels like ending it might be better for my own peace of mind. I still care about her deeply, and the idea of never talking to her again really upsets me. But at the same time, she makes me feel so unimportant. In the past, we never really talked things through or got real apologies for what happened between us — it all just stayed with me as quiet resentment. I'm trying to separate that older resentment from this specific incident, but it's hard.

My mom and my friends don't want to get involved or tell me what to do. I'd really appreciate some outside perspective. I wrote it long but thanks to those who took the time to read. What should i do? If you were in my place, would you end the friendship?