I'm so sorry it's really, really long story. I tried to make it enjoyed to read and added how I felt to make my way of seeing thing more clear.

So, in middle school I moved out with my family and joined a new school. There, I met the first trans person of my life, named A (same age as me.)

Since then something clicked in me. I kinda knew what a trans person was like before but meeting him was what triggered me into discovering that I was trans. I founded A to be the coolest person alive that ever existed, and it's still the truth until now. A influenced me to be who I am today, in a part of my interest, my style and the way to see things, I wanted to be as cool as him so he would admire me the way I did.

I wasn't someone very talkative, I was shy and lack an important amount of confiance in me. But with time and help of people that were all on the trans spectrum, we eventually all make friends, B (trans girl, who figured out later that he is not trans so I'll refer to B as "he") and C (N-B). They all knew each other since long ago and are childhood friends.

It's important to note that I only did my coming out one year later, so the last year of middle school, somewhere near Halloween and that the only person I've told it to was a girl in my old middle school that I liked and considered as my best friend the summer before.

That summer I asked that girl to find me a name cause at that time I was fine with everything. She did it and from the time being I wore that name. So when I did my coming out to my friends from my new middle, first to C, I told them to call me that.

Those year and a half, between our groups of friends, our history teacher, Mr. D was very famous, we all appreciated him very much, enjoyed his classes and personality and I think I can speak in their name sensing that he appreciated talking with us back.

So, the year goes on and I became more and more friends with them and I the end of the year, I was told that I had to do start over my last year cause I missed too much classes and my grades weren't sufficient enough.

Everyone entered high school and I was left behind in middle school. B and C were in the same high-school and A was in another one. It didn't stop us from seeing each other. B and C's high-school were in the same street as our middle school and our schedule were pretty similar so saw each other a lot. A's high-school was a bit further, and with B we went multiple times to see A at the end of his classes.

Another year pass and I enter high-school too. I was living pretty far from the middle school since very close after our first big moved out, we moved again to the neighboring city for financial reasons. So the high-school that was assigned to me was was one that was the closest from my home. And A, B and I kept on seeing each other and we stopped being friends with C for very serious reasons and their inappropriate and inacceptable behaviour.

When I moved out, my already so fragile relationship with the people from my old middle school didn't hold, and I eventually stop being as closed with the girl who name me. To an extent that it was starting to making me feel uncomfortable, not to forget that I'm European and it was a very deeply American name.

In high-school, I obviously didn't know anyone, and I was not motivated to do all the steps that I did in middle again. It felt like walking backwards. I wasn't hiding that I was trans anymore and was going with the thought that "If someone asked I'll just told them".

But it was an occasion to start over, getting ride of that name and of that one sided love I had. As I made new friends, I took that occasion to changed my name. I wanted it to say something, so I took the 1st name of Mr. D, without asking, without his autorisation. I just wanted it to have a meaning. I thought it would be a great reminiscent of him. Since he the first actual teacher that I liked and his classes made me liked history as my favorite school subjects.

So from the rest of year 1 and the beginning of year 2 of high-school I eventually renamed myself on all my social media that way. And even told some other friends from middle school that I took his last name. And their reaction was to tease me by calling me "Mr. D". So the way they reacted made believe that, sure it was kinda unsettling but nothing more. I sure didn't asked him nor told him I was trans but in my head it was planned for later, to meet him, coming out and asked him.

So that what I tried to do. Though I didn't knew when he finishes his work hours. I've found myself going to my old middle school and asking the staff if he was there and multiple times I was too late and missed him.

On the time being, A saw that I renamed myself Mr. D's 1st name on my socials and asked me why. I told him it was coming from Mr. D and I answered "I could named myself Guy if you want but meh. Do you think it's that serious that I took his name?" But in a genuine way, really. And then, radio silent.

It was only B and me left now.

It's important to mention that after middle school, A and Mr. D became "friends", not in any weird way, like really, they went to a demonstrations together and things like that, maybe more or maybe less, they both shared metal head's culture and passion, that why they went along together.

Mr. D is engaged and close to his old student. He went multiple time to demonstrations hold from B and C's high-school, participating and supporting them. Really, he's not a creep.

I eventually succed to see Mr. D one day, it was really nice, and we shared our commun interest for Anne Rice's books and eventually exchanged our numbers and proposed he to stop being formal with him, which I did not do, cause he's still an adult and let's be for real. And that day, he found out I was trans through the way I talked about myself. He then said that if I ever need to talk about it A was trans and all that. I didn't told him that day that I took his name. Sure, he was understanding but, even I felt that I messed up doing that behind his back.

It was my second year of high-school, and in total I went to see 4 times. I never told I took his name.

I was following A on Insta and Tiktok, I was assiduously listening to all of his ten minutes videos, liking all of them. I guess it made me feel I could understand him, be a bit more like him if I really tried to find interest in what was passionating him. And out of support obviously.

One day, close to May he posted a video saying something like "Being so oblivious that one of my friends stalker is liking all of my videos"

Oblivious, I liked it, and not even five minutes after he posted another one saying that he proved his point, the stalker just liked it.

Then I received I notification on instagram.

Some weeks ago, I sent A a message where I was asking if he was fine, since he moved out to the other side of the country the summer before.

It was days after his birthday, the last time I saw him, I was so stressed out for that day. I really value birthday and I want everyone of my friends to feel special that day, even more since him and B offered me two book from the vampires chronicles on my own birthday last year.

So I saved some money and went shopping, while calling B to ask him his advice. I ended up offering him a BD made by one of the illustrator from the Saga of John Constantine, wich he likes quite a lot.

So, A moved out, summer ends A finds out I took Mr. D's 1st name, silent radio, and then in May I received a notification on Insta. It was A who answered my text from weeks ago.

And it said "Kill yourself." Then I felt my heart beating like it never has before. I asked him why and he said that I knew exactly why. It was because of Mr. D's name.

And then, I wouldn't call it an argument, he wasn't quite angry, I guess, nor was I. I felt panicked.

He explained to me in long voiced messages how messed up I was and how I had a parasocial relationship with Mr. D, showing a screen from a conversation I had with B when I said that Mr. D told me we could be friends. Wich was obviously a joke even though he really said that.

I told him that and he said "No. You're lying to yourself. And I'm wondering why are you coming in my Dm's, sending my messages while you know that I hate you, like, you're looking for troubles. Why are you liking my videos, why are coming to talk to me. I hate you, you're abominable, I think you're abominable. You're weird, you have such a weird behavior. You're parasocial, that's what you are."

I told him that it was laughable of him to tried to diagnosed me since he told me to kill myself and that I wasn't "obsessed" with Mr. D.

He said jokes about some grammar mistake I've made, wich is really an ass rhetoric when you're arguing with someone online. Sorry I was to busy panicking to care about that.

He said "I ain't making myself seem like a psy, I'm saying you're parasocial. Had to come up with strong words but when you're acting the when you do. Go search it up online."

My mind always goes blank in moments like that. I regret not saying those comments to him when I could, cause the only thing that came up to my mind was to answer "Ok".

He then blocked me from every social platform he was on.

I sent B a message asking if he found that it was weird that I took on Mr.D's name. He said that my relationship with him was indeed not healthy. I answered "That's the deal, there isn't any relationship."

Radio silence from him since then.

Like a month later I opened discord after a very long time. A sent me a last message. "Shame on you. Don't ever get close to me, or to Mr.D, or to my friends. Go consult a psy, asshole."

I wrote an answer. More like a pleading message, a bit like this one, asking him if it was really a reason to hate me. I wanted to know why especially him reacted that way and not any of the others, why some laugh it up while he, hates me. I came to cry in his Dm's again. And I spent the entire night writing this pleading message, I didn't slept that night, trying to hold on to the last hope of our friendship. I couldn't stand the idea of someone I admire, someone who had such an impact in my life, came to hate me for, yes, a childish choice I made. Why him and not B who ghosted me.

My message never sent itself. He had blocked me there too.

So what should I do, if there is even something I can do. I just want to hear someone's opinion on it that has an external way of seeing this.

Every opinion will matter. I have no one to talk about this. None of my friendship are deep enough for me to get this personal with anyone.

Yes, it was a bad choice for me to take Mr.D's name without even talking with him about it, and even the idea of taking someone's name really isn't... And I still don't believe to have any kind of weird or parasocial relationship with Mr.D. He was, and is still JUST a nice teacher.

Me and this guy are friends since freshmen year started, we understood and helped each other...a lot. During freshmen until sophomore years I was in a long relationship (3 years), but I ended things with my partner (ex now). Then my friend confessed his feelings right after that and at first I was happy since I also liked him...but a lot things happen and our relationship turned into awkward and now we don't talk anymore. The reason for this falling was I was not ready to commit especially he was my friend, but plot twist rn I am currently dating someone who is also my friend.

Gosh I feel so bad not sticking to my morals and ruined our friendship over a relationship. If you ever read this I'll let you know that I miss you so much and I am sorry for my actions and the way I treated you.

Love lots bro and I hope for the both of us na we will live life happy with or without us.

M31 here.

Nearly three years ago, I met a group of people my age who were opening a club/community space right around the corner from my house.

It was an arts and literature group: a place to discuss books, cinema, and current events, but also just a cozy spot to hang out. To this day, they promote it on social media as "A safe space where we prioritize empathy, kindness, and mutual support, where we want to build something together..." and other bullshit like that. Well, yeah... I actually believed in it, or at least, I used to. So when I met them, I thought "How lucky am I? Finding people like this right on my doorstep!"

I started going there several times a week. I poured my energy into helping them renovate the place, chipped in for the rent during tough times, and constantly supported their projects. The group grew to about ten people. I stood up for a member who was being bullied (yeah, it sounds ridiculous, but adult bullying is real), lent out my bicycle, built and repaired furniture, and was always ready to listen. I couldn't believe I had found such an "amazing" group of people...

At least, until I was the one who needed help.

Within a single year, I suffered devastating losses that completely destroyed me: I lost my father, then my girlfriend, then my grandmother, and then my dog. Despair consumed me; I didn't even have the strength to live, so I stopped going to the club.

After I told them about my losses, I received a few messages of condolence. They asked me, "How are you doing?", and I was honest: I told them I was doing terribly, just describing what I was going through without trying to burden them. After that? Absolute silence.

A month passed before I got a message that simply read: "Are you coming to the book presentation?" I didn't reply. Three months later, they updated their WhatsApp and Facebook group photos with new images that no longer included me. After seven months of total silence, I completely removed them from my social media.

All the effort, kindness, and selflessness I poured into that place... it’s as if it never existed. As if nothing had ever happened. And the irony is that they still have the furniture I built for them, for free, sitting right inside that place.

It's been almost a year now, and I still can't stop thinking about it. Sometimes I tell myself I overreacted. Other times I realize that after I shared all my pain with them, not a single one of them said anything beyond a simple *"*Okay, I'm sorry."

I often blame myself, and sometimes I miss that place to death... but then I remember that all those people obsessed with "empathy, friendship, and kindness" were neither kind, nor empathetic, nor friendly to me during the absolute worst moment of my life. I didn't want to be the center of attention, I didn't want pity, and I wasn't playing the victim. I just wanted ONE kind word from the people I truly believed were my friends. Just one, to remind me that the world was still out there.

I'm aware that I probably handled the whole situation very poorly, but... it is what it is. Even though I still get a wave of nostalgia every now and then when I see them around the neighborhood.

I was thinking that it was a loop really, You withheld explanation. I aggressively pursued explanation, then you cited the pursuit as the reason not to explain.

It may be incoherent emotionally from my perspective, but it does make sense logically now. I see that. In friendships, disputes between people, you must address both emotion and logic. Neither side can tell the full story. I now accept that I am not entitled to explanations, and I am happy that you accepted that ghosting harmed me even if it was the "lesser of any evils" by your estimation.

You say you have evidence; that you had reasons to ghost me prior during our friendship. I accept in good faith, you have that evidence and are choosing not to reveal it as a way to protect ourselves from getting into another argument and feeling even worse, and I also accept that I am not entitled to hearing/viewing said evidence. Incompleteness, knowing that I am not entitled/deserving of closure, and uncertainty is something I have to accept in maturing and growing as a human being. Sometimes, the immature human mind wants certainty, and a clean black-and-white judgement, Eventually I need to overcome that instinct and it is my earnest hope that I can be a better person and not resort to such behaviour that is as immoral and idiotic as that.

I know I may desire certainty, communication, honesty, and closure, but I cannot force nor expect other people to give those things to me. If they leave me with uncertainty, my mission is to white-knuckle it and bear that uncertainty without violating their boundary or destroying myself. I can accept the concrete lessons without accepting every unsupported judgement about my character.

But then, I wonder if I cannot expect these things from other people, even close friends. Then what is the point of me trying to find friendship, companions, brotherhood and community? Should I give up on it? I do not know. And that is a question I do not expect you to assist in answering, it's something that I have to figure out myself, and it'll take a lot of hard work. I must either find a way to change my desires and standards, or stop trying at friendships entirely, or the worst option in my opinion, keep continuing as I have. I can't tell which of the three paths are harder.

Trying my hardest to be in your shoes, obviously this might not be accurate as I can't read your mind but it may have felt something like this:

You ghost/block me for whatever original reasons you had.

I pursue you across platforms looking for answers.

You saw that behaviour as alarming, creepy, invasive and a violation of your boundaries. It hurts you badly. (this assessment is valid and accurate if you experienced it).

I explained why I kept pursuing, defend context, and ask for the original reasons for the ghosting.

You may interpret that as: “Beg0ne_ doesn’t even understand why this basic boundary-crossing is disturbing.”

Therefore you might come to the conclusion: “Why would I explain more subtle things to this guy when he’s already not accepting this obvious thing?”

From my perspective, it felt like this:

I get ghosted with no explanation, it rips open a deep wound, that behaviour hurts me badly, I question whether you liked me as a friend or just put up with me, and all other kinds of catastrophic possibilities (valid and accurate).

I spiralled because I didn't know what I did.

I pursued you because the missing explanation becomes psychologically unbearable.

You say my pursuit proves your point.

I keep asking: “But what caused the ghosting in the first place?”

And then you were like: “Your inability to accept that your pursuit was disturbing is why I won’t explain.”

Goodbye my anonymous former friend, for the very last time. The loop must be broken. We're gonna drive ourselves crazy. I quite frankly, need to stop this, as I have come out of it with knowledge, wisdom and understanding about myself, that was enough. I am grateful for that from you, and I don't desire another conflict. And apologies for another novel-tier analysis of our dispute.

How do you repair a friendship after a serious breach of trust when the other person feels betrayed more than once?

I had a best friend of almost 5 years. Before the first major conflict between her and another mutual friend, I had actually ghosted my best friend for a period of time. Looking back, I know that was wrong. Instead of communicating properly when I was upset, I withdrew and avoided the situation. I now understand that this probably already hurt her and affected the trust between us.

Then came the first major conflict. One day, I saw my best friend and said hello to her. Later, I was talking with the other mutual friend, and she made a dismissive comment about my best friend, basically asking me in a mocking way whether my best friend had even said hello to me properly or hugged me. I answered "no" and laughed. My best friend later heard the conversation.

I didn't intend to insult her or humiliate her, and at the time I didn't fully understand how bad it looked. But from her perspective, I had just greeted her, then went and laughed with someone who was making a disrespectful comment about her. She saw that as disloyalty and as me participating in talking behind her back. She told me very clearly that she couldn't be friends with someone who talked behind her back.

At the time, I apologized and genuinely thought I understood what I had done wrong. But I now realize that I had a bigger problem: I was extremely conflict-avoidant. I wanted to remain neutral, keep everyone happy, and avoid taking sides, but in doing so I sometimes failed to stand up for people I loved.

Later, there was another conflict. My best friend explicitly asked me twice not to talk about her with this same person. I eventually mentioned her name anyway. My intention wasn't to gossip, insult her, or spread anything negative. I was trying to explain why I had been distant and, deep down, I still hoped the two of them could reconcile. But I now understand that good intentions don't erase the fact that I crossed a boundary she had clearly communicated to me.

From her perspective, this probably felt like a second betrayal: the first time she had already told me how deeply it hurt her to feel that I was talking about her behind her back, and then later I did something she had specifically asked me not to do.

This time, she completely cut me off. She blocked me everywhere, and some mutual friends also unfollowed me. She has made it clear that she doesn't want contact.

I've spent the past months going back through old conversations and reflecting on everything. I've realized that I had unhealthy patterns: ghosting instead of communicating, conflict avoidance, trying too hard to stay neutral, people-pleasing, not knowing when to speak up, and not understanding how important loyalty and boundaries are in close friendships.

I genuinely regret how I handled things. I don't believe I ever wanted to hurt my friend or damage her reputation, but I now understand that intentions don't erase impact, and that love for someone isn't enough if your actions don't make them feel safe and respected.

I still love and miss my friend deeply. I don't want to pressure her or force her to forgive me. If she never wants to speak to me again, I know I have to respect that. But if she ever becomes open to reconciliation, I would genuinely like to rebuild the friendship in a healthier way.

How do you rebuild trust when someone has already given you a chance, then feels betrayed again? Is it possible to repair a friendship when the person feels that the betrayal happened twice, especially when the first incident involved disloyalty and the second involved crossing a clearly stated boundary? What can I do to genuinely demonstrate that I've changed without trying to force my way back into their life? And if someone has completely closed the door, is the healthiest thing to accept it, or is it okay to leave the door open for reconciliation someday?

online friend cut contact/ghosted me back in march where he removed me from every socials (at this time he didnt blocked me). it was so painful bcs i was left without closure, i kept questioning "why?" and retracing our old convos just find where did it went wrong. but eventually i started to make peace with it.

but then i found out recently he went out of his way to even blocked me on X bcs i get the notification through the history DM. i fell to a spiral again. i feel even worst than ever now bcs it feels like i did something wrong but i genuinely dont know what it is. i reached out to him on his bday and even apologized if i ever hurt him in any way and still no response.

this is the first time someone ever cut me off and it feels extremely painful

i feel like an absolute trash of a human being.

- anything would be nice :) js tryna get over this

hi guys i lost a best friend of 5+ years 1-2 months ago. she was my platonic soulmate, my sister. we had one argument and that broke us apart, it was my attempt of communicating to her about her being a bad friend to me and the resentment i had built up over these years. i had a bad day at work today and one of our friends keep updating me about her and honestly the less i know the better. i keep having dreams about her talking to me and stuff, but i know shes not gonna change cause she was self and boy centered and you know how that goes. i always was so kind to her but i was never truly her best friend because she had other best friends. even now when she lost two of her best friends (me and someone else) im not her priority. and shes chill with the other girl she lost even tho she shit talks her so much. this isn't my first time losing a friend but its my first time losing my best friend. im almost 18 and i just want to know how you guys deal with this stuff. i don't like being sad at all and its not even the fact that i lost her affecting me its just that she didn't try to keep me but she put a genuine effort to keep everyone else. please let me know if you guys later found a better girl friend in life to give me hope or something. she was the only girl i ever felt so comfortable with, not that i don't have other friends but she was my BEST friend, i wasn't hers though. i dont like knowing about people or checking up on them after a loss but i do miss the OLD her. also i lost alot of friends this year. i lost both sides of the friendship. i lost first of all my best friend and her friends and then the other girl that im friends with she doesnt include me in our friendgroup hangouts so like i deadas just lost

i honestly miss them so much its pathetic. i can get back into contact with them whenever and ive been tempted to do so but i just feel embarrassed by it as its my fault we stopped talking in the first place. it was petty why we fell out and i regret it. its been like a year and a half now. i basically have no friends anymore and id do anything to just go back to how things use to be. maybe i should reach out but im just worried that theyll laugh at me for apologising 😭😭 thoughts????? maybe i should idk it wasnt likr a major argument we have i think it was just a miscommunication we had on either ends and id di anything ti clear it up. thanks for listening to me rant its liek nearly 2am and im just idk sorry

First, I’m very sorry if you don’t understand everything. English is not my native language.

Communication and friends are a difficult subject for me. Making friends has always been incredibly hard and I can tell today I only have two friends I never talk to, and we see each other sometimes throughout the year. My main relationships are online and I have failed all of them. It doesn’t matter how hard I try to fit in the group, it just doesn’t work.

I joined in September an writing role playing game. This community was definitely not for me but I tried. I promise, I tried everything, becoming the perfect people pleaser. And I think some people kinda liked me. Maybe. However, the community as a whole was pretty toxic, so judgmental, claiming that they were open-minded when they weren’t at all. I was constantly walking on eggs, reviewing again and again every message to make sure I wouldn’t upset them. Some people hide their hostility towards me by discreet behaviours that long years of rejection could notice. I was never chosen. I felt invisible for some. It hurts so badly.

I talked to some of my « friends » about that. They said if I quit they would understand. They were supportive even if they told me it was not big issues. Normal. You’re loved by everyone. Everyone talks to you so friendly.

But a day, it went too far. I felt so shitty, I decided to leave. Guess what? « You’re selfish to let us like that » « You had important things to do, it’s horrible to leave » « You’re a traitor » A traitor? Really? What about my own mental health? You always claim it’s super important to listen to yourself, to make decisions about you first, but when it comes to me, it’s not true anymore?

More than two months have past. I spent days talking to these people, these friends, when I was still part of the community. The minute I left, I got removed by some, and the others never have spoken to me since. How sad. Who’s the traitor?

I spend 7 months trying my best to exist as a real person for them. I did absolutely everything to please them, to prove them I was worthy. But I’m not.

It’s been like over 2 years since I lost my bestie and I think about her everyday.

I don’t really think about anything bad that happened between us. It’s mostly kind thoughts, I wonder where she is and think about our good times or funny things that happened.

But i also wonder sometimes if she thinks about me too, and if it’s soft on me? I wonder if people hold onto the best or worst version of you. Or the value they place on memories, or if they just continue forward and never look back.

I need advice about a friendship breakup because I feel like people misunderstand what actually happened when I explain it briefly.

My best friend of almost 5 years and I ended our friendship after a series of situations involving another mutual friend. I want to be clear that I'm not trying to justify my behavior or make myself the victim. I know I made mistakes, and I take responsibility for them. I'm just trying to explain the situation accurately because people often hear "betrayal" and assume I intentionally spread rumors or maliciously talked badly about my best friend, which isn't what happened.

To understand the situation, there was already history between my best friend and this mutual friend. About two years ago, they had a conflict over something that happened between them. My best friend decided to cut the other person off immediately. During that period, the other friend also said some negative things about my best friend, which obviously contributed to the tension and made my best friend feel hurt and betrayed.

However, the situation wasn't completely one-sided. The other friend was also hurt by what had happened. At one point, she had been ready to go out with us, but we kept her waiting and weren't answering her calls. From her perspective, she felt ignored and disrespected. So there were hurt feelings on both sides, and I was caught in the middle of a friendship conflict that had already become complicated.

Before the first major conflict involving me, I actually ghosted my best friend for around four months. Looking back, I know that was unhealthy and unfair. Instead of communicating properly when I was struggling, I withdrew and avoided the situation. After those four months, I saw her again and greeted her.

Later, I was talking to the other mutual friend. During that conversation, she made a dismissive comment about my best friend, basically asking me in a mocking way whether my best friend had even said hello to me properly or kissed me. I answered "no" and laughed.

My best friend eventually heard that conversation. From her perspective, she had just seen me again after four months of not speaking, and then I went and laughed with someone who was making a disrespectful comment about her. She interpreted my reaction as me agreeing with the other person and being disloyal to her. She felt that I was participating in talking behind her back.

I want to clarify that I did NOT initiate the conversation about her, I did NOT insult her, and I did NOT intend to humiliate or attack her. But I understand that I still handled the situation badly. I should have immediately stopped the conversation or defended her instead of laughing and answering the way I did.

I was extremely conflict-avoidant and afraid of upsetting people. Because these two people had already had a serious conflict, I was constantly trying to remain neutral and keep peace between everyone. But I now understand that staying neutral doesn't mean staying silent when someone you love is being disrespected.

My best friend told me very clearly that she couldn't be friends with someone who talked behind her back. I apologized, and we continued our friendship. I genuinely believed I had understood what I had done wrong and that I wouldn't repeat the same mistake.

Later, there was another conflict involving the same mutual friend. This time, my best friend explicitly asked me twice not to talk about her with this person. I eventually mentioned my best friend's name anyway.

Again, I want to be very clear: I wasn't trying to gossip about her, insult her, or damage her reputation. I mentioned her because I was explaining why I had been distant and because I still hoped that the two of them could eventually reconcile. But I understand now that this doesn't excuse what I did. My best friend had specifically asked me not to bring her up, and I crossed that boundary.

This second incident was especially painful for her because she had already told me after the first situation how important this boundary was to her. So even though my intentions were different, from her perspective it probably felt like I had repeated the same kind of betrayal.

After that, she completely ended the friendship. She blocked me everywhere, and some mutual friends also unfollowed me. Her close friends strongly support her and have told me that they don't want her to come back to me, even if she ever wanted to.

I've spent the past months reflecting on everything. I realized that my biggest problems were not that I wanted to hurt my friend or secretly wanted to betray her. My problems were that I was extremely conflict-avoidant, I ghosted instead of communicating, I tried to please everyone, I didn't know how to set healthy boundaries, and I didn't understand that sometimes staying "neutral" can itself hurt someone you love.

I also realized that I had a very immature understanding of loyalty. I thought that being a good friend meant avoiding conflict with everyone and treating both sides equally. Now I understand that loyalty doesn't mean blindly taking someone's side; it means being honest, protecting their privacy, respecting their boundaries, and speaking up when someone is being unfair or disrespectful toward them.

I deeply regret my actions. I know that my intentions don't erase the impact they had on my best friend. I also know that I was given a chance after the first incident, and the fact that I made another mistake later makes the situation much more serious.

But my question is: Does making serious mistakes in a friendship necessarily mean reconciliation is impossible forever?

I don't want to force my way back into her life. I don't want to violate her boundaries again or pressure her to forgive me. I want to genuinely work on myself and become a healthier, more loyal, and more emotionally mature person.

If someone has been deeply hurt by you and has completely cut you off, but you genuinely understand what you did wrong and are willing to change, is there ever a possibility that, after enough time, they could become open to reconciliation? Or once someone has been hurt twice, is the friendship permanently beyond repair?

I know I can't control whether she ever comes back. I just want to know whether people have experienced situations where a friendship seemed completely over, but after years of growth, forgiveness and maturity, the two people eventually found their way back to each other.

I’ve known my best friend since middle school. We were both very sheltered, friendly, shy kids. We were in a lot of the same clubs in high school and we both stayed in town for college.

We both had our share of toxic relationships, but hers always meant she would dissolve into thin air and become whatever version the bf wanted her to be. We were both doing our own growing so it wasn’t a huge deal until she got this job showing semi luxury apartments. She was desperate to keep up with the lifestyle a lot of her coworkers led being children of rich parents, which we weren’t. She began sugaring and got unhealthily close to one of her arrangements. Things came to a head when after we spent the day together, including smoking very strong weed. Some guy she was talking to became available and she went super cold on me, which never happened before. It was pretty clear she didn’t give a shit that it was storming and unsafe for me to drive home, but at that point I gathered my things and left without saying anything.

We didn’t talk for months after that. She sent me a weird forced-sounding apology email that I never responded to. I was in a new era of my life and I didn’t want a pick me friend who’d choose some dick over her best friend.

A couple years later, four total since going zero contact, my older sister died. She texted me sending her condolences, and it was good to hear from her considering many others were dealing with their own COVID-era changes. She was engaged and pregnant with her first kid.

She told me about her husband that she met in college. I didn’t recall her ever talking about him, but hey, she was happy, it seemed. The more we discussed him, the more she complained about how conservative he is, how she hates his mom, once the baby arrived, arguments about their parenting styles became the norm. My boyfriend and I attended her wedding which was strange because most of the attendees were family and friends of the groom. I was literally the only friend who came. And when we hung out to catch up after that, we always seemed to be on her husband’s time. She could only be out for brunch from 11-3 because her husband didn’t want to be alone with their kid that long, her words, not mine. I can’t think of one evening event of mine that she attended where she was allowed to stay past 9. She would talk about future girls trips like we were playing pretend. I knew it wasn’t in the cards, but I played along.

When they got their first house she would text me about her secret practice of Etsy witchcraft that she kept away in her office. I didn’t judge because I had a crystal healing era of sorts. My only objection was when she tried telling me she channeled my sister. We had a serious boundary conversation after that. And actually, it’s since then that things have gotten really fucking weird. Instead of coming over for coffee on her lunch, she’d leave me a drink at my door along with a little gift of some sort and text after the fact. Then she just stopped coming by, but we kept in touch via text. She let me know they were moving to a new city but keeping her job in the city so she could still come by from time to time.

She sent a mutual friend of ours invites to her fortieth birthday party maybe a week before the date. I couldn’t go because I already made plans for another friend’s birthday. I was part of an interactive game of Taskmaster they host annually, so there was no way I would miss it. And our other friend had plans to stay at her weekend home. We offered to take her out for brunch to make it up to her. She said no worries. It’s just 40. Something like that.

After that, we were texting pretty regularly, for us. Sometimes one of us would miss a day or two then catch up. The first time, a couple of weeks had gone by, so I checked in. No response. Another couple months, I send a follow up to see if she’s okay. No response. That was the end of May, I believe? Then our friend texted her. No response to her, either. Last week I texted her and let her know that her friends were thinking of her and were at the point of concern where we’d consider sending out a welfare check for her safety. She finally responded “Hi, I’m fine but needed to step away from everything. Marriage is good and *kid’s name* is too. Thank you.” As a knee jerk reaction I just responded “Good to hear. Thanks!” But later that night it occurred to me that she didn’t answer any of my questions so I sent the last one.

“One more thing. I asked about how you were. Not your marriage or your kid. Because I recognize you are a person outside of being a wife and mother. I care about YOU.

Anyway, I hope you are safe and YOU are doing well by your standards for yourself. Whatever you are stepping away from, I hope you’re doing so with autonomy.

You know I’m not stupid.”

I blocked her social media cause I don’t even feel like it’s her I’m speaking with. The message had no personality and was very general. I talked to people who know her and they suggested reaching out to family, but I don’t want to interfere any further. It’s kind of exhausting to think about now. My friend, who we’ve all known since middle school, the friend’s boyfriend and mine have all considered that maybe she’s not the only one with access to her phone now. Especially after the text. I’m worried, but I also don’t want to assume the worst is happening and just let it go.

I can’t believe I got all that off my chest. If anything I guess I can say that, but I’m at a loss and trying to figure out the best way to proceed while protecting my peace.

After months of planning I recently visited my only friend; An online friend who lives in another country, and their immediate reaction upon seeing me was an unmistakable deep frown as soon as we were face-to-face at the airport.

They didn't want anything to do with me after that. They picked me up, made obvious their disappointment, dropped me off, and then ghosted me.

After talking for so long with them, calling often, texting daily, paying for everything just to see them, and them calling me their best friend for so long they discarded me easily for no apparent reason other than that I'm just uglier in person.

In my desperate attempt to form a real connection with someone I just humiliated myself, and I can only blame myself for being so naive and desperately lonely. I really believed them whenever they told me that I was their best friend, and I can't even tell whether or not I'm just being dramatic by letting this hurt me so much.

I don't want to try making friends anymore I just want to fall into a black hole

I 27F have been in 2 friendship breakups over the past 4 years. The first one was a 10+ year long friendship and the second was 3 years long. In both instances things were just blown out of proportion but even after apologising the friendship could never be the same again and have ended. Can’t help but feel like the common denominator is just me at this point despite me always putting most of the effort in both friendships. Even though I have a partner nothing beats the sisterhood that comes with a friendship group but I just don’t think I could ever get that back especially since it’s so hard to make friends these days and I’m so traumatised by both of these situations.

i F(25) have lost my best friend F(25) after a string of dramas. we have had a romantic past (2023) that never resulted in anything out of fear of losing our friendship. I harboured romantic feelings and codependency with her though after it, while she felt close to me as a bestie and would breadcrumb romance e.g telling me her friend thought we had great chemistry, asking me if I'd replaced her with my bf in a jealous tone.

cut to (2025) I slept with her situationship (they weren't monogamous) after he told me they had been thinking about having a threesome. there was a lot of evidence of this as they had been cuddling with me and he often would kiss both our foreheads. my bestie would also tell me she thinks I should be part of a three. nonetheless it was a crime what I did and I hold much regret. I confessed my feelings to her after she drilled me on a call. I regret it.

now (2026) we are starting from scratch after a long break. idk rlly what to make of all this. I grieve the fact she was my main source of that chaotic film like female friendship. I grieve how intense and deep our bond was.

am I even allowed to miss it? how do I move on? how do I bring in less intense female friends? and is it okay to hate myself for what I did?