I had two friends that I truly loved and cared about. I was always checking in on them, texting them to see how they were doing, and making plans for us to spend time together. These two friends don’t know each other, but I noticed I was putting the same amount of effort into both friendships.

Eventually, I realized I was giving my all — my time, energy, and attention — but I wasn’t receiving the same in return. It started to bother me, so I decided to match their energy. I stopped being the one who always reached out, took longer to reply to messages, and stopped making plans to see if they would make any effort from their side.

After some time, I came to the realization that both friendships had become one-sided. At this point in my life, I want friendships where I can show up fully for someone and know they would do the same for me.

I made the difficult decision to stop responding and slowly distance myself from these friendships. At first, it was really hard. Losing a friendship feels a lot like a breakup, and I was genuinely sad for the first month. But with time and distance, I realized it was the best decision I could have made for myself.

I’m actually happier now. I have another friend who I consider one of my best friends because she gives me the same love, effort, and energy that I give to her. That friendship has shown me what a healthy, balanced friendship feels like.

Looking back, I realize those two friendships weren’t necessarily bad — we were just no longer on the same page. We didn’t have the same priorities or goals in life, and that’s okay. Sometimes people are meant to be part of a certain chapter of your life, not the whole story.

My advice is: if you’re thinking about letting go of a friendship because it feels one-sided and you constantly feel like you’re the only one putting in effort, don’t be afraid to choose yourself. It may hurt at first, but eventually you’ll make room for friendships with people who give you the same love, time, and energy you give them.

It’s been like over 2 years since I lost my bestie and I think about her everyday.

I don’t really think about anything bad that happened between us. It’s mostly kind thoughts, I wonder where she is and think about our good times or funny things that happened.

But i also wonder sometimes if she thinks about me too, and if it’s soft on me? I wonder if people hold onto the best or worst version of you. Or the value they place on memories, or if they just continue forward and never look back.

For context me and my best friend have been inseparable since the first day we met , we’ve had many fights and I’ve done a lot of fucked up things and she always forgave me, even when my bpd was horrible and I was depressed she still stayed and gave me advice , we’ve been there for each other through a lot of stuff and I love her a lot

Recently there’s this girl who I’ve had issues with in the past and I know that her and my best friend were friends before but now it’s like they’re super close , I don’t feel the same with my best friend anymore and it’s so sad because I feel like my best friend is being taken away from me . She’s allowed to have multiple friends and even best friends but I was always first to her and now I’m not . And it hurts in a way that I can’t even begin to describe but I just try and act like it doesn’t because I don’t want her to feel bad or anything and she can’t really change it.

I just need advice on how to move on / cope

**TW: Emotional manipulation, unhealthy friendship, negative mental health**

*I’m out of this friendship now, but I wanted to share what I went through in case someone else is stuck in a friendship like mine.*

This starts in February of 2024. I also apologize for how long this is.

I (19NB) was in a period of my life between school where I wasn’t doing anything and had complete free time so I put all my time into a Twitter fan account. On this account I made numerous friends but one in particular. I had posted to Twitter about coming out to my church and needing advice. S (22F) replied to my post and was super helpful and supportive. We become really close because of that and started texting a lot.

Shortly into the friendship I became part of a group chat where there was someone L (21-20F) who had a past connection with S I was unfamiliar with. When S found out, they mentioned that L and them were mutually blocked but didn’t expand. During the group chat I was on a call and heard L refer to S as “crazy” and show some screenshots. I was concerned so I decided to tell S the next day. S told me that L and them used to be in a friend group but L always left them out and it just wasn’t a good friendship and they ended on rough terms. They also mentioned they didn’t tell me this earlier so as not to sway my opinion. I said I was so sorry this happened and tried to reach out the the gc. I later was kicked out of the chat and told that I had discussed private information outside of the chat but given no evidence. This hit me hard because I had lost a lot of friends in the past but S helped me through it.

Throughout the friendship it was relatively normal except for some mentions of them not doing well. They would say some stuff that I will not repeat here but they often talked about being in severe emotional distress, and I tried to support them as much as I can but started to feel a little weird about the friendship cause S would say little things about them being jealous. It got to the point that I once called them manipulative but they just explained it away and I let it be.

Later I met a new friend M (22F) in July of that year. We became quite close but S seemed to be upset whenever I talked to M instead of them. Soon M, S and I became a trio. We would talk almost everyday and call a lot. By the way this is all online friendships. We all live relatively far away from each other. Anyways as the friendship went on S would say more and more negative things and just blame M and I for everything. I found myself apologizing a lot. I don’t remember the exact order of things but here are some examples:

One time I was talking to a girl and needed advice cause I’ve never really flirted before. S had a full time job and was at work and also didn’t really have much experience with flirting so I called M who was home and had a lot more experience. M helped me talk to the girl and it was fun. Later that night M, S and I got on a group call and I mentioned the girl and asked M to expand. S got really upset that they weren’t told and told me in the future to just wait until I could talk to both of them at the same time. (It was an Instagram dm, kinda time sensitive and I just wanted a friend.

Another situation was to do with Twitter. The three of us all love the same actress and were tweeting at her trying to get a reply. Soon S ended up getting a reply that was very generalized but said that she loved her fans basically. S was very happy but then I got a reply and it was much more specific to just me. I got really excited and told S but they kinda got really sad. (To preface I do not think I was in the right here, I have no excuse). I then asked if they were jealous cause theirs was general and mine was specific, I then repeated it cause I’m dumb. S got really upset and ended the call. Now at this point M was asking not to be involved because S and I would get in fights and tended to bring her into them. Due to this I didn’t tell M. The next day I found out S had immediately gone to M that night and told them everything. So when I called M the next day ahead was basically on S’s side. (I do not blame M for this we have talked it out). S ended up not talking to me for a week because I didn’t know what I did wrong. M and our therapist basically had to teach me how to apologize. I threw up that week from stress. Eventually it all worked out but that stood as the one time that I was actually in the wrong completely and wasn’t S’s fault.

One more had to do with TikTok. We both had editing accounts and mine did better than theirs. They didn’t let me talk about my account and would only let me talk about big accomplishments (like a video getting 1m views or like 6k followers, that type of stuff) I found myself literally censoring what I said every-time I talked about it.

S would also just constantly talk about their negativity with no warning for M and I. When it triggered both of us. They would constantly talk about how the world was unfair and everything was against them. M and I would try to talk them down but it eventually got so bad with S putting so much pressure on the two of us to be perfect and telling us we were horrible friends if we didn’t spend the whole day focused on them. We had to text good morning and goodnight every day. This was especially hard since M was in a different time zone than S and I. M eventually had to take a break for her own mental health. During that time S and I blocked M. I still feel terrible about that. I’m not gonna say it wasn’t my decision but S said so much and made it seem like it was all Ms fault.

Eventually S and I ended up meeting in person. They drove 7 hours to my place and we met for the first time. I was so happy. I even brought them a pride flag and little presents of their favourite things (it was right after their birthday but I would of done it anyways) I gave them my pride blanket to use while they were there. (They couldn’t be out to their parents). Though during this time I just felt ever so slightly uncomfortable. It’s hard to explain but they would just do things like my dad gave me money to buy food for the both of us but they wouldn’t let me have theirs. Stuff like that. Then I went back with them to their house. It was mostly fine with slight weird stuff like at my house but then it came time for me to go home. There was a whole thing with my flight getting cancelled and I had a cold and they just made it all about them and were crying the whole time. They even got mad at me that I just wanted to sleep when we got back to the house cause the next flight wasn’t till tomorrow.

Eventually M cut off S. But I wasn’t there yet. After this I started school again. I warned S about this because before I had had all my time to dedicate to them but I apparently didn’t warn them enough. They kept talking about how I didn’t care about them or love them because I didn’t text them as much. And they were mad that I kept spending time with my new friends I made at school. Two specific situations:

For context I’m a deep sleeper and don’t wake up to anything. I didn’t ask them for this either. I had class at 8am and didn’t wake up. S texted me a ton to try and wake me up but it didn’t work. When I finally did wake up I was just like shoot and ran to class. They then said they were super upset that I never said thank you (I forgot) and were upset that I told my friends how thankful I was for S cause it just meant I was spending more time with my friends.

Another time was when I woke up at 4 am and forgot to say good morning. (We had an agreement to say good morning and goodnight every day) I only said goodnight morning when they did at 7am. I had class at 9am for 7 hours. When they eventually did find out they said they were really hurt and basically made me seem like an awful person for forgetting.

We met in person one more time to meet our favourite actress. I stayed at their apartment and we took a road trip to the show. It was super fun but I ended up going home Sunday cause I had class Monday and they stayed for the second show on Sunday. Basically they got to see more of the actress and some stuff I didn’t see and it was better than the first show. Then when we called Sunday night on their drive home, they started crying about it. I honestly told them I didn’t wanna hear about it because I didn’t get to go. They related the crying to it being over but it just made me super sad and feel bad.

For context we are now into November of 2025. I have been in this friendship for over a year and a half at this point. After meeting them the second time I kinda hit a breaking point and stopped reaching out quite as much. They got super mad about this and said I didn’t love them. As much as I repeated I still loved them they never believed me. (Also as much as I was tired of the friendship I still genuinely loved them and I mean it) I eventually told them I needed a break. We didn’t talk for all of Christmas. I felt so much better and my mental health improved drastically. I wasn’t sure if it was cause of the break from school or S though. So when we finally got back on a FaceTime it all hit me. As I talked to them I realized that they were putting it all on me and just convinced I hated them. On the call I told them I found myself censoring what I said so as not to hurt them and as of worrying I would put down their mood. They told me that it was all in my head and that it was my fault and I could say anything I wanted (this was not true) My mood instantly plummeted and I realized I could not be in this friendship anymore. I finally cut them off January of 2026.

M and I are still friends and have come to realized how many manipulative things that S did to us and to put us against each other. I’m happy I’m out but I’m still going back and finding things that I’m making revaluations about. I wanted to post this on Reddit so long ago during the friendship but was so worried S would find it. I still thank M, my therapist, my sister and my parents for helping me realize this was not healthy. Online friendships are so hard cause it’s so difficult to realize someone is being manipulative. I miss them but not how they made me feel. I’ve attached some screenshots of conversations we had because I feel like I can’t do them justice. They might be heavily censored I apologize. Including the message I eventually sent to cut them off. Also if their message spacing feels weird that was for me. I struggle reading big paragraphs.

Also just know the conversations were not healthy and I’m just not going to dig into that here out of respect.

Goodness gracious, this is my third post about this and I feel like a desperate sore loser but I genuinely need some help. It's been nearly a month since this happened and I still feel like I'd been shit out by a dog then another dog ate it and i'd been shit out again.

Me and this one friend got into a fight, right. I would think this friendship might be salvageable for the first week after this happened, but honestly, I feel like she's better off without me now.
It all started because I told her that, lately, I've been feeling unwanted in this friendship because it seemed like all our conversations revolved around her other friends or her crush, and whenever I wanted to talk about my life, she responded like she was brushing it off, if in short. I explicitly stated at the end of my message that I didn't mean to say that I don't want her to have other friends, I have simply expressed my worries about feeling unimportant compared to them.
And oh boy, did this get her mad. At first she did address my points directly, in an aggressive manner, sure, but still. She also used the chance to express some of her own worries and criticisms about my behaviour. I admit, some of those criticisms were fair and I may not be a perfect friend either.

Later, though, around the middle of her furious rant, she started attacking things that are personal and very important to me. She told me that my biggest interest is "weird", unjustifiably comparing my attachment to a fictional character to "having an imaginary friend like someone with schizophrenia" (important to note that this interest has saved me from staying in deep depression and to this day helps me cope with things. Without it I'd probably be dead, no exaggeration), said that I excuse all my problems with my mental health issues instead of "just trying harder", made negative comments about one of my closest friends despite barely knowing her, criticised my choices in life and pretty much said that I have no future. She also straight up lied about multiple things, such as saying that I was never happy whenever she succeeded at anything, that I was always jealous of her, when I clearly remember congratulating her on any success, no matter how big or small. I even found some screenshots of me being happy for her, but I'm not planning on messaging her and proving it. I'm tired of having to prove myself all the time just to get my words twisted again.

All these things she insulted, all these things she used in an attack against me, are things that I have trusted her with over the years. It felt like an attempt to hurt me as much as possible. What's also funny is that, at the end of her rant, she said that, after "telling me all the things that annoy her", she "feels like a terrible person", and that "no matter what happens in mine and her life, she still thinks of me in the best way, and I'm still #1 for her".
I thought it seemed suspiciously like manipulation even at first glance, and now I'm completely sure that it is. She basically said "yeah you're fucking weird and awful but it's okay, I still love you!".

I was hoping for an apology, I still had some trust in her, but I don't anymore. She keeps interacting with my social media posts like she wants me to be the one to reach out to her again, but I'm not doing that. I'm tired of always being the one to carry the burden of getting to the root of every conflict and solving them almost on my own. In every conflict we'd gotten into lately I basically had to chew everything into bite-sized pieces (overexplain greatly) for her to not get furious at me.

I honestly don't know what to do. That fight ended with me telling her that I was willing to discuss her concerns, but that I wouldn't continue the conversation that night because I was too hurt after she mocked my mental health, people important to me, and my interests. She said that she "was just honest" and "curious to know what exactly I found offensive". We haven't talked after that.

"Honest" my ass. There's a difference between being honest and extremely disrespectful and rude.

But, anyway, does anyone have any advice on what to do? How do I stop thinking about her? I'm a little scared to block her because, deep down, I still wonder, what if she comes running back one day? I understand, after asking multiple of my friends about this, that I'm genuinely not in the wrong here and that she's, well, an asshole, but I have a hard time accepting it and letting go

First, I want to apologize for my English, as it's not my first language.

I'm in a really difficult situation that's been affecting my mental health lately.

One of my friends started a relationship with her coworker two years ago. A few weeks after their affair began, he got married. She only told me about the affair a few months ago. I told her that what she was doing was wrong, while trying to gently make her realize the situation.

A few weeks ago, she called me in tears because this man told her that his wife was expecting their first child. I honestly thought that would finally make her end the relationship. But it didn't. Just one week later, she went right back into his arms.

That's when I started to feel truly disappointed in her because, to me, the situation is completely different now (even though I didn't agree with her actions before).

I decided to have a serious conversation with her. I told her she should end this relationship before she hurts an innocent woman, an innocent child, or herself. But she won't listen. She's completely blinded by this man. (He's not physically or emotionally abusive—he's just a selfish, immature idiot.)

The truth is, he doesn't even care about her. He's never said he would leave his wife for her. He only contacts her when he wants sex, and he constantly talks badly about his wife in front of everyone. Huge red flag.

She told me she's in love. She said she doesn't care about hurting another woman. She'd rather stay in this relationship than leave him. She even said she doesn't care if her actions could contribute to another woman's death. At that moment, something in my mind just said, "That's enough."

How can an adult think and say things like that? At one point she even said, "I started wishing she'd have a miscarriage." I just can't accept that.

I feel guilty for letting her go and for not being able to help her get out of this situation. But the truth is, she doesn't want help. She doesn't want to stop. She refuses to see how wrong her actions are.

I have strong values. I can't support a woman deliberately hurting another woman, especially over a man.

I can't accept her actions or the horrible things she's said.

I know she's blinded. I know she probably needs help. But I've tried so, so hard... and I can't do anything else. I'm starting to lose myself trying to save someone who doesn't want to be saved. She says she is depressed, she is in a very difficult period, that she could die If their story ends. But how can you do that to another woman...?

Am I a horrible person for walking away?

I feel like a horrible person !!!!

And again, I'm so sorry for my bad English. 😭

To give some background I grew up on a fairly small city. There were few people who shared my interest. Well I was a huge nerd I loved all things video games and everything nerd related. So, when a place called NewAge Arcade opened I spent a good chunk of my time there as life at home sucked and I wanted to spend as little time around my step dad as possible. Anyways, I worked their on the spirit that I would be paid one day. I was working there for about a year fresh out of high school and one of the owners friends, Steve invited me to his place to play his version of D&D with a group of other people. They were really cool and I loved the fact that I had a group of people I could watch movies, talk all things nerd related and just hangout. I loved hanging out with Steve he had a wife whom was really timid and quiet would just kind of be there. Steve was there for me pretty much at all times. I am easily spooked when things start to get intense and I would often be ditched by him because he wouldn't answer his phone to say it was alright to come over or call me back. So I kind of took that personally. He had a friend, well somebody he took in when he was kicked out of his house. This person joined the military and I remember everytime this person would call Steve would make up some excuse to not talk to him. "Tell him I'm not here." and that really stuck with me.

I started to do things on my own. Go out to events and play with other people. He was....I dunno acting really clingy and I remember telling him once "I'm playing D&D with some friends." and he replied with "Are they looking for another player?" and I didn't want him to start to impose himself in my thing. I felt kind of bad about the situation so I just didn't mention to him what I was doing. I was going to college as well and I was getting into other things with other people. I thought he was fine with it because we didn't talk for a few months and I had some time and I checked up on him. Well he wasn't doing so well he had been diagnosed with Diabetes since the age of 18 and to be honest he was the opposite of good health. I visited him at the nursing home that he was at for a brief because I think his kidneys were starting to go. He was always one of those people whom I wondered how he supported himself. His last job was at Toys R' Us and even that was brief. I'm assuming he was on disability and got benefits because he had a kid as well. Eventually I found out that he was going through a divorce and it was kind of his fault because he cheated on her multiple times. He found a new fling shortly afterwards when I came over to start a new campaign.

I was worried that I was going to get stuck in my hometown and my hometown didn't have a lot going on so I headed off to a college that was so far away from my hometown. I was there for about a year into my BA degree and I hadn't heard from him for a while. I decided to look up his Facebook and that's when I found out that he passed away. Ugh even now it's still really hard to process. Looking back I shouldn't have ditched him. But I didn't know that one day he would be gone. As a friend he was great I loved hanging out with him all the time. Watching cheesy B-Movies, talking about sci-fi stuff, and playing roleplaying games with him. I think about all the times we hung out and the things we did and it breaks me down. It's quite frequently and it's starting to get to me now. I'm ugly crying but I just wanted to get my story out because I often think of myself as being a terrible friend. I still don't really know what happened to him. I just know that he passed away when I searched up his obituary and I really wish I could have said goodbye or something. I don't even know what they did with him. Anyways I'm rambling. Thanks to listenting to my TED talk

I need to talk to someone about it. I don't know what to do.

I (19m) had a best and only friend (18m) for 6 years or so. We met during a summer camp and were young and careless.

Everything that I'll write here will be from my perspective.

For the first couple of years everything was great. Since he was my only friend, I spent a lot of time with him. We were playing videogames, eating and staying at each other's places for a long time.

In 2023 i started to grow up, but not in a good way. I reached my puberty and it brought a lot of problems with it. My mental state was not the best. I started feeling lonely and hopeless and lazy. I needed to find some kind of distraction to fill this hole. To forget about the bad stuff and to not feel bad nor sad.

I started opening myself up a lot to him. Telling about my problems, hoping that the only person that i can open up to will have some heart. I know that at that time we were young - (15-16) and our brains weren't fully developed. We were kids and i hoped that a kid would come to save me. I was naive.

I realized that it wouldn't change anything so I squeezed my teeth and stopped talking about this stuff. Although i was feeling quite bad mentally. Like pretty bad.

In 2025, it progressed deeper and more and I started feeling suicidal. It takes time - but in the span of 2 years i developed cynical and nihilistic thinking. Mind you, we were still staying at each other's homes, playing videogames, eating some unhealthy food and experiencing interesting and funny (sometimes sad) things.

We were a lot more grown than before and i thought that after all this time he had developed some emotional intelligence or empathy. Or something that would help the friendship in a long term. But he hadn't.

You know that kind of people - when you're with them, you can see that they dont notice anything. You look at them and it seems like they dont feel emotions (or don't understand them OR are just so centered around their feelings that they dont care about anyone else's). He is that kind of guy. In my head, collecting all the facts that i had received - i wrote some conclusions about me, him and us. The main one being - at some point of our lives he will probably grow up from this stuck position of an underdeveloped emotional cognition. (Its my first time using that word dont kick me). At that point, I knew that he forcefully pit himself in a save cocoon. A "comfort zone" where nothing can reach him. But I knew he suffered too. The crazy thing is that he didn't want to open himself up to me. At any point of our friendship. After all, we were best friends (i was his only true friend too) and I've been telling him everything about me.

Now it's 2026. Time's passing. I decided that now is the time to start opening myself up again. Explaining my problems. Seeking for some warmth. It was a mistake - because nothing has changed. Now I'm 19 and he's 18. In the beginning of the year i sensed something new. An ego that he had. It was quite strong - but he was weak, so it took over. He was absolutely refusing doing anything that he didn't want to do - even if i begged (kinda but also not really). It was simple stuff. Like going to the movie theatre or playing a different game together. If he didn't want to do it - he wouldn't. Also, he was quite impulsive and strong-reacting if I insulted him in any way. Mind you, we were doing it with eachothet for fun. When it comes to empathy or support - his brain didn't really change since 2023. It was all the same. Every time. Always.

What i really noticed about him - is his constant mood changes. Imagine an hour-long walk. Your friend beside you has a good mood. You joke around a little, talk about stuff. 15 minutes passed. Now he's a lifeless-soulless shell. He doesn't speak at all, his face has changed (it shows when he has this "bad" mood) and he becomes rather impulsive and irritated with anything I say. It really was bad for my mental state. I felt pain every time it happened. And every time it happened i had a really clear view of things. I noticed everything. I knew that that's a problem that he has and I can't feel bad about myself.

He has a poor hygiene. I invited (yet another time) him to my place. It was a day before we disappeared from eachothers lives. We were at the store and have been deciding what to eat for the dinner. He took some noodles from the shelf and i stopped him. I said that "I will cook for both of us. Something healthy, some real food". I bought everything with my money, cooked everything for almost 3 hours. And while i was doing everything - he was just sitting and playing games. We decided that he will wash the dishes after. (not like a payment, but yeah). I get up in the morning for work and the dishes are dirty. We leave, I mention that they're dirty and that he didn't wash them - he becomes irritated yet again. We didn't have enough time to wash them so I just asked him to take the trash out. He collects the trash (he had his trash there too) and tells me "I wont take the trash out. Its yours - you do it". I started confronting him about it and it didn't end well. He showed me what kind of human he is. And then - after a couple of days he sends a text, saying that he doesn't want to see or hear or speak to me ever again. Now i have nobody. Absolute 0.

My friend suddenly disappeared and stopped texting in February. I reached out to her a few times to check up on her and see what's up. Her boyfriend left her, and I thought, if I gave her enough space to sort through her stuff, she would eventually want to meet up and talk again, but that never happened. Our mutual friend, which I met through her, has been ignoring me, as well.

I've been going through some shit, as well, like a terminally ill family member, among other things, (they knew about it way before we stopped talking btw), and none of them checked up on me, not even once. Even when I checked up on my friend to see how she was doing, she didn't even reciprocate with a simple "what about you?". I feel completely abandoned. The last straw was yesterday when I left the group chat and no one reached out once again. At their big age (26 and 28), they could've at least let me know that they don't want to be my friends anymore instead of just shutting me out after 3 years of friendship.

I feel even more like shit when I remember how much she smothered me with her relationship problems and how patient I was with her through it all. And now that her problem is gone, she doesn't need me anymore as well, i guess. Some other friends told me that she could be turning a new page and leaving behind everything and everyone that she associates with that bad period in her life. And since a lot of our friendship dynamic revolved around her talking about her ex to me and me being her emotional trashcan, consequently she wants to get rid of me too. Well, what a shit thing to do.

Btw during the first year of our friendship, she had a falling out with another friend of hers, and this friend sent her a whole paragraph (I know this because she screenshotted it and sent to our group chat to make fun of her) in which she accused her of using her, smothering her with her problems but being unwilling to change, not caring about her and being an emotional leach basically. I didn't see it back then, but her text was spot on because my situation is identical. Now I've finally realized that it's a pattern and just something that she does to people.

But even though I know I'm better off, I still feel so pissed about everything.

Edit: remembering all the red flags now and beating myself up for choosing to ignore it for so long. Once, she literally complained about how shitty the Christmas presents she got from her mom and brother were. Her brother was a minor at that time and worked a minimal wage student job and that was probably all that he could afford.

One time she made a comment about my relationship (behind my back): she said that the fact that I'm my boyfriend's first girlfriend is odd and that he's with me probably because he thinks he's undesirable and couldn't find anyone else. Like what the fuck.

She even spilled a huge, personal secret another friend told her in confidence. I told her not to tell me since it's personal, and she was like "nah, it's okay, enough time has passed", because, you know, secrets apparently lose their meaning if enough time has passed... and there's so much more, I could go on and on.

Tl dr my friend used me for emotional support and shut me out without a word when I wasn't needed anymore

So I used to have a friend, my best friend at that time. We met in 2018 when we were 16 and became friends very soon. We were practically soulmates and enjoyed every second we had spent together. Unfortunately, I developed feelings for her very quickly. I never confessed my feelings to her because I was terrified of a rejection and that the friendship would fall apart. Sadly this strategy led to the very thing I never wanted.

It began in late 2024 when she texted me out of sudden that she has a boyfriend now. I didn't knew how to process that and how to react so I just congratulated her and made up an excuse why we can't meet in that week. After that I ghosted her.

A month later she texted me how I was doing and I texted back like normal. We also set up a day to meet like we always did. A few days later she forgot my birthday and that was something that really hurt me from the inside. She apologized for it and a few days later we hanged out. It was basically like always but I was clearly a bit more distant. It was just too much stress for me because I still didn't knew how to process all of that. She was the most important person in my life at that time but I didn't want to put up a fake smile all day all night and conceal my grief and my true feelings. But at the same time I still hadn't enough courage to tell her about my feelings. After our hangout we texted briefly. I sent the last message and didn't text her again for 5 months and so did she.

In these months I tried to find distraction from all that stress and get over her but the heartache was still stressing me out like crazy. I also started smoking cigarettes in that time. I don't say that it happened entirely because of her because there were also other factors that were happening in my life that contributed to it, but the heartache was definitely the last straw that led to it.

In May 2025 I decided to text her again because aside from having a crush on her she was still my very best friend and I really missed having fun with her. We texted back and forth and we met soon after where I confessed my feelings to her. She told me that she understands my situation and how I reacted and reassured to me that we can still be friends. We talked about everthing that was going on in our life and it really felt like a fresh start. We met again soon after and I also talked about a possible next hangout to celebrate her birthday which she agreed. But she said that she will be busy in the next month. I told her that's totally fine and she should just text me when she can.

One thing that bugged me out since we became friends was that she often took some time to reply to my messages. It also always felt like I was the one putting in more effort and asking to meet up more often. So when I told her that "she should just text me when she can" I meant it literally. I wanted to see some more effort from her if she really wants to restart our friendship. But nothing... We had a brief exchange on whatsapp in august about my recent vacation but she didn't ask if we wanna hang out or something. She texted me on my Birthday in December 25 (This time on time) and I wished her happy new year and thats how the year 2025 ended.

We're now in the present and I didn't text her and so did she. I definitely don't have a crush on her anymore. The heartache is gone. But I do obviously still miss her as a friend. I think about her sometimes and how things would have been. I decided to text her on her birthday this week. I kinda hoped that she would ask me how I was doing and that we'll have a conversation. But she just said thank you and that was it. I interpreted it to mean that she has no interest in any kind of contact. Since then, I’ve been feeling very stressed again and find myself constantly thinking about everything that happened between us, whether I acted correctly, whether I ruined the friendship, or whether it was the right step for my mental health.

Maybe I'm overthinking things and I'll calm down soon and accept it that we both play no more parts in each others life but right know it's really stressing me out.

A close friend (F26) and I (M25) had a falling out a few months back after some miscommunication that snowballed. She started pulling away, I kept reaching out because I didn’t understand why, and eventually there was an incident where I ran into her at her workplace with a mutual friend (not planned to see her specifically, but she read it as me tracking her down). She ended up blocking me on most platforms.
Recently I found out through my sister, who works with her, that she’s been telling coworkers I was “in love with her,” “stalking her,” and messaging just to get her attention. None of that is true; she has a fiancé and I’ve told her before I could never see her that way. One of her coworkers even wanted to confront me about it, despite apparently talking badly about her behind her back in other conversations she doesn’t know about.
Her birthday came around two weeks ago. I’d already had a personal, custom-made gift ready, something based on her interests, so I had my sister deliver it along with gifts from our friend group. She got emotional over it, didn’t know at first it was from me, and once she found out, she still asked my sister to pass along a genuine “thank you.”
I also sent her a birthday message on the one platform where I’m not blocked, explaining that I’d heard her version of events and that there was never anything romantic on my side, just a friendship I valued. I asked if she’d be open to talking it through.
She hasn’t blocked that message, but she also hasn’t responded. I asked a mutual friend to gently let her know to check that app when she has time. Since then, she seems to have left a shared Discord server we were both on, though we’re still nominally “friends” there.
I don’t know if I should read anything into the warmth from the gift versus the silence and distancing everywhere else. Has anyone been through something like this: where someone genuinely seemed to care but also kept you at arm’s length after a misunderstanding this big?

online friend cut contact/ghosted me back in march where he removed me from every socials (at this time he didnt blocked me). it was so painful bcs i was left without closure, i kept questioning "why?" and retracing our old convos just find where did it went wrong. but eventually i started to make peace with it.

but then i found out recently he went out of his way to even blocked me on X bcs i get the notification through the history DM. i fell to a spiral again. i feel even worst than ever now bcs it feels like i did something wrong but i genuinely dont know what it is. i reached out to him on his bday and even apologized if i ever hurt him in any way and still no response.

this is the first time someone ever cut me off and it feels extremely painful

i feel like an absolute trash of a human being.

After months of planning I recently visited my only friend; An online friend who lives in another country, and their immediate reaction upon seeing me was an unmistakable deep frown as soon as we were face-to-face at the airport.

They didn't want anything to do with me after that. They picked me up, made obvious their disappointment, dropped me off, and then ghosted me.

After talking for so long with them, calling often, texting daily, paying for everything just to see them, and them calling me their best friend for so long they discarded me easily for no apparent reason other than that I'm just uglier in person.

In my desperate attempt to form a real connection with someone I just humiliated myself, and I can only blame myself for being so naive and desperately lonely. I really believed them whenever they told me that I was their best friend, and I can't even tell whether or not I'm just being dramatic by letting this hurt me so much.

I don't want to try making friends anymore I just want to fall into a black hole

my best friend in the world just blocked me on everything out of the blue. her best friend also blocked me. most of what i’d do with her friend do was talk about a tv show we liked. im so lost. i’ve never lost anyone like this before. i was also disowned from my family recently . i have so much hope my friend will return to me because i don’t know what i did, but right now im a mess. im leaning on people i don’t know well. i feel like it’s hard to be alone. my best friend is in their early 30s and im in my early twenties. her best friend is even older. did our friendship of <1 year just get too awkward due to the age gap? we were extremely close. can anyone over 30 help me..

i’ve been grieving by writing letters and sending them without a second thought. i’ve sent four. this happened less than two days ago.

leaning on everyone else i know but i don’t know them as well as my best friend. a part of me feels im overstepping my friendship with my other friends because im desperately trying not to be alone right now.

i keep joking about death to myself but i have no intention of doing anything. i just want to live my life with my best friend in it.

im not helping us reconcile by writing letters but she’s not helping me grieve by saying nothing.

im usually a happy go lucky person, im very sweet and supportive and cutesy. the last thing id ever wanna be is sad. so how do i… stop…

last night i forced a friend to stay with me as long as possible , roaming the city. i really didn’t wanna go home but i had to. so i convinced myself i was overreacting, so that i could forgive my own grief.

then i woke up and was informed that i had my hours severely cut at work. so that doesnt help.

i dont know how to cope. please help me

edit: this happened <5 days ago and has been cross posted to a few communities. i feel so incredibly helpless. yes, second time in this sub. nobody can help me it seems. im so bizarrely depressed. i felt like we were destined to meet, now it all seems so hopeless

Hello hello,

so one of my closest friends who is also one of three flatmates and I are going through what seems like a friendship breakup right now. We've been having these 3 hour long exhausting talks and we don't really seem to get anywhere. It's quite complex, but one of the main points is that I know she treats me much cooler than all of her other friends (newer friends as well), e.g. she says touch is her love language and she's very touchy and loving with her other friends but she literally never touches me. She's there for me when it comes to talking about mental health and all that, but generally she's much cooler towards me.

I've told her before that that's quite difficult for me weeks ago. She said she understands, but now within our talk I told her again that this will always be difficult for me, but this time her response was that she understands but also it makes her feel like she's not enough, like I always want more from her, all the while I feel like I'm not enough for her. Her cooler treatment towards me stems from my focus shifting from my ex-boyfriend to her about 2.5 years ago which I understands isn't an awesome feeling since she felt like she didn't do anything differently and suddenly I cared more about her bc my ex wasn't in the picture anymore. There is definitely some emotional dependence on my part as well that I'm working really hard on.

She asked if our friendship is important enough for me to get over myself and for me to stop comparing friendships and I've really tried to detach from that feeling but I also told her, especially since we live together, it's always quite "in my face" when she has friends over etc. I'm honestly not sure if I can "get over it".

And now I'm wondering if my feelings are valid as in I'm not sure if I can (or should?) get over it because I know (she told me) she can't just switch off that cooler behavior towards me.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

Thanks!! <3

M31 here.

Nearly three years ago, I met a group of people my age who were opening a club/community space right around the corner from my house.

It was an arts and literature group: a place to discuss books, cinema, and current events, but also just a cozy spot to hang out. To this day, they promote it on social media as "A safe space where we prioritize empathy, kindness, and mutual support, where we want to build something together..." and other bullshit like that. Well, yeah... I actually believed in it, or at least, I used to. So when I met them, I thought "How lucky am I? Finding people like this right on my doorstep!"

I started going there several times a week. I poured my energy into helping them renovate the place, chipped in for the rent during tough times, and constantly supported their projects. The group grew to about ten people. I stood up for a member who was being bullied (yeah, it sounds ridiculous, but adult bullying is real), lent out my bicycle, built and repaired furniture, and was always ready to listen. I couldn't believe I had found such an "amazing" group of people...

At least, until I was the one who needed help.

Within a single year, I suffered devastating losses that completely destroyed me: I lost my father, then my girlfriend, then my grandmother, and then my dog. Despair consumed me; I didn't even have the strength to live, so I stopped going to the club.

After I told them about my losses, I received a few messages of condolence. They asked me, "How are you doing?", and I was honest: I told them I was doing terribly, just describing what I was going through without trying to burden them. After that? Absolute silence.

A month passed before I got a message that simply read: "Are you coming to the book presentation?" I didn't reply. Three months later, they updated their WhatsApp and Facebook group photos with new images that no longer included me. After seven months of total silence, I completely removed them from my social media.

All the effort, kindness, and selflessness I poured into that place... it’s as if it never existed. As if nothing had ever happened. And the irony is that they still have the furniture I built for them, for free, sitting right inside that place.

It's been almost a year now, and I still can't stop thinking about it. Sometimes I tell myself I overreacted. Other times I realize that after I shared all my pain with them, not a single one of them said anything beyond a simple *"*Okay, I'm sorry."

I often blame myself, and sometimes I miss that place to death... but then I remember that all those people obsessed with "empathy, friendship, and kindness" were neither kind, nor empathetic, nor friendly to me during the absolute worst moment of my life. I didn't want to be the center of attention, I didn't want pity, and I wasn't playing the victim. I just wanted ONE kind word from the people I truly believed were my friends. Just one, to remind me that the world was still out there.

I'm aware that I probably handled the whole situation very poorly, but... it is what it is. Even though I still get a wave of nostalgia every now and then when I see them around the neighborhood.

Can a 5-year friendship be repaired after two breaches of trust? I need an honest perspective.

I'm looking for advice about a friendship that ended recently. I'll call my best friend A and our mutual friend B to keep everyone anonymous.

A and I were best friends for almost five years. We were extremely close, and I genuinely loved her and considered her like a sister. B was also a mutual friend of ours.

The situation is complicated because A and B already had a conflict about two years ago, and I was involved in the circumstances surrounding it.

At that time, A and B had a conflict over something that happened between them. A was very hurt and decided to cut B off immediately. During the conflict and afterward, B also said some negative things about A, which obviously made the situation worse and contributed to A feeling betrayed and hurt.

However, the situation wasn't entirely one-sided. B was also genuinely hurt by what had happened. At one point, B had been ready to go out with us, but A and I kept her waiting and weren't answering her calls. From B's perspective, she felt ignored and disrespected. So both people had their own reasons for feeling hurt, and the conflict became complicated.

After that conflict, I found myself stuck between two people I cared about. I didn't know how to handle the situation properly. I wanted A and B to eventually reconcile, and I didn't want to choose sides or make the conflict worse.

Before the first major incident involving me and A, I actually ghosted A for around four months. I know this was wrong. Instead of communicating properly about whatever I was feeling at the time, I withdrew and avoided her. Looking back, I realize that this was an unhealthy way of dealing with conflict and probably hurt her and damaged the trust between us.

After those four months, I saw A again and said hello to her.

Later, I was talking with B. During the conversation, B made a dismissive and somewhat mocking comment about A. She basically asked me whether A had even said hello to me properly or kissed me when I saw her.

I answered "no" and laughed.

A eventually heard about this conversation.

From A's perspective, this looked extremely disloyal. She had just seen me again after four months of being ghosted by me, and then she found out that I had been talking with B, who had already had a serious conflict with her, and that I had laughed when B made a dismissive comment about her.

A interpreted this as me agreeing with B, participating in talking behind her back, and failing to defend her.

I want to make something clear: I did not initiate a conversation to insult A. I did not intentionally try to humiliate her, spread rumors about her, or damage her reputation. My intention was not to betray her.

But I now understand that my reaction was still wrong.

I should have stopped the conversation or immediately made it clear that I didn't accept someone speaking about A that way. Instead, I laughed and answered the way I did. I can understand why A saw that as disloyalty, especially given the history between her and B.

A told me very clearly that she couldn't be friends with someone who talked behind her back.

I apologized, and we continued our friendship.

I genuinely believed I had learned from the situation.

However, looking back, I realize that I had a serious problem with conflict avoidance. I was constantly trying to keep everyone happy and avoid upsetting anyone. I thought that being "neutral" was the mature thing to do, but I now understand that there are situations where staying neutral can actually hurt someone you love.

I also didn't have a mature understanding of loyalty. I thought loyalty meant treating everyone equally and avoiding conflict. I didn't fully understand that loyalty also means protecting someone's privacy, respecting their boundaries, and speaking up when someone is being unfair or disrespectful toward them.

Time passed, and later another conflict happened involving A and B.

This time, A explicitly told me twice not to talk about her with B.

I eventually mentioned A's name to B anyway.

Again, I want to explain the context without using it as an excuse.

I wasn't trying to gossip about A, insult her, spread rumors, or make B hate her. I mentioned A because I was explaining why I had been distant and because, deep down, I still hoped that A and B could eventually reconcile.

But I now understand that my intention doesn't erase the fact that I crossed a boundary.

A had specifically asked me not to talk about her with B, and I did it anyway.

From A's perspective, this was especially painful because she had already explained to me after the first incident that talking about her behind her back was a serious boundary for her. So even though the circumstances and my intentions were different, she probably felt that I had repeated the same kind of betrayal after she had already given me a chance.

This time, the friendship ended.

A blocked me everywhere, and some of our mutual friends also unfollowed me. Her close friends strongly support her, and I've even been told that they wouldn't want A to come back to me even if A herself wanted to.

I understand why they are protective of her. From their perspective, they saw someone they care about get hurt and they probably believe they're protecting her from being hurt again.

I've spent the past months reflecting on everything that happened.

I realized that I have a lot of things I need to work on in myself.

I have been conflict-avoidant. I have ghosted people instead of communicating. I've tried too hard to please everyone. I've struggled to set boundaries. I've sometimes stayed neutral when I should have spoken up. I've also realized that I had an immature understanding of what loyalty means in a close friendship.

I don't believe I was intentionally malicious toward A. I genuinely loved her and wanted the best for her. But I now understand that loving someone doesn't automatically mean that you know how to be a good friend to them.

My intentions were not bad, but my actions still hurt her.

I deeply regret what happened, especially because I know that A had already told me after the first incident how she felt about this kind of behavior, and I still made another mistake later.

I don't want to minimize her pain or make myself the victim.

At the same time, I genuinely miss her. She was my best friend for almost five years, and losing her has been extremely painful for me. I still love her and care about her deeply.

I don't want to force myself back into her life. I don't want to violate her boundaries again or repeatedly contact her if she doesn't want me to.

What I want to know is whether reconciliation is ever possible in a situation like this.

If someone has been given a second chance, then makes another mistake involving the same person and the same general issue of loyalty and boundaries, can trust ever be rebuilt?

Is this the kind of situation where a friendship is permanently beyond repair, or can enough time, genuine personal growth, and accountability sometimes change things?

I know I cannot control whether A ever wants me back in her life. I also understand that I may have to accept that the friendship is over.

But I wonder whether there is ever a healthy way to leave the door open for reconciliation without pressuring the other person.

If you were in A's position, would you consider this an unforgivable betrayal, or would you see it as serious mistakes caused by conflict avoidance, immaturity, and poor boundaries that could potentially be worked on over time?

I would really appreciate honest opinions, including criticism. I'm not looking for people to tell me I'm innocent. I want to understand whether I genuinely have a chance of repairing what I broke, or whether the healthiest thing I can do is accept that I lost this friendship and focus on becoming a better person regardless of whether A ever sees that change.

Hey everyone, I really need some advice on how to handle a situation with a friend I care a lot about.

A while back, she got upset with me and blocked me. When I tried talking to her in person, she was barely responding. I jokingly handed her some chocolates and said, "Why are you ignoring me? Here, eat these chocolates." I meant it completely lightheartedly, but it backfired badly—she took it the wrong way and started ignoring me for real.

Seeing her distant, I thought giving her some space was the right move. But then she started posting Instagram stories that clearly felt targeted at me—things like "I was hurt and he just left me," "Instead of comforting me, he abandoned me," "I'm bad," "No one loves me," and even intense stuff about family problems and wanting to give up.

I reached out to her again after seeing those. We talked briefly, and she kept saying, "I'm fine, I'm okay," but her texting tone made it obvious she wasn't fine at all. I completely realize that I hurt her feelings with what I said and did, and I take full accountability for that. I just really want to figure out how to approach her and talk to her now to make things right.

Here are a few key details:

• Her personality & interests: She is quite stubborn, but at heart, she's a really good person. She is also a huge K-drama fan (if that gives any insight into how she views grand gestures, drama, or emotional reassurance!).
• Her pattern: When she gets angry, her default reaction is to block me and say she won't talk, but eventually, she comes around.
• Current status: I am unblocked in a few places now, but things are still tense.
• Interesting twist: I recently created a new alt account on Instagram under a fake name, and she immediately guessed it was me. This confirmed to me that she is still paying close attention and noticing what I do.

I really want to clear the air, apologize properly, and make her feel safe and cared for again, but I don't want to push her away further or make her feel overwhelmed.

How should I approach her from here? What's the best way to start a conversation, reassure her, and make amends? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

I'm not exactly sure how to write this tbh, I've been trying to message him again and again and I genuinely just don't understand why he's giving me the slient treatment and not messaging back or explaining but whatever who fucking cares

Basically I had a friend who I chatted with a bunch, He's helped me with my trans identity and gave me some advice or reaffiamations. I'm a very misanthorphic person, I've tried talking and getting to know people irl but like some Murphy's Law type shit it always does not go well because they either don't want me or use me for my money. I'm a pretty well off person, Not someone who can lazise around and do nothing. Moreso just well off that I can do alot of stuff comfortably. I live in Malaysia and my friend is kinda poor, Lower middle class we say and I help him out and he helps me out. So basically we talk and he gives me emotional support and I give him financial support. I helped him out on not getting out of the red because of his rent aswell as gifting him a nice animator pen. You know those things animators use and shit, Very expensive stuff too

Basically we had an argument and I was feeling very irratable. I feel like I always am but in the end we make up and we both apologise, I don't know why this time he just blocked me and just decided not to anymore. I just begged and begged and cried screamed and all that bullshit and even badly injured my hand and head by smashing into a plastic container. And now I'm just here. I've tried everything and sent whatever I can to try and appli to him via threats or begs or peals or fucking anything

And its hard but I think he's just gone forever, Giving me the slient treatment and not saying anything like a fucking middle schooler. And now I'm just here and I just don't know

Like I still think I'm in the right and he wronged me, He literally made me miserable and literally hurt myself​ and I literally lost 3 whole kilograms in a week because I haven't eaten shit. Honestly I don't really know what to say, I want him back but idk if he wants me back but I need him because idk if anyone can understand me anymore. I live in Malaysia and I'm trans its hard because I've never talked abiut that with anyone outside online

But now its all gone, Any type of thing I can thing of or just idk. Anything. Like. I feel awful and really I just don't think I'll ever be able to be me or just be something

My therapist once told me he genuinely thought I couldn't change and maybe he was right, I'm very mentally ill and no one really wants that baggage. Even if I threw as much money it doesn't work but I still am pissed off. How could you accept all that money and then leave. Like that's literal fucking theif

All and all I just don't know anymore, I've tried socialising irl but it always sucks. Its kinda sad to know I'll probably be one if those people who use AI Chatbots for socialising and alcohol to try and make life bearable. The one thing I've always wished about myself was to be anti social, Like truly anti social. Because in my opinion this whole loneliness thing with how people describe kt. Is one of the worse things the human condition has given us​

- anything would be nice :) js tryna get over this

hi guys i lost a best friend of 5+ years 1-2 months ago. she was my platonic soulmate, my sister. we had one argument and that broke us apart, it was my attempt of communicating to her about her being a bad friend to me and the resentment i had built up over these years. i had a bad day at work today and one of our friends keep updating me about her and honestly the less i know the better. i keep having dreams about her talking to me and stuff, but i know shes not gonna change cause she was self and boy centered and you know how that goes. i always was so kind to her but i was never truly her best friend because she had other best friends. even now when she lost two of her best friends (me and someone else) im not her priority. and shes chill with the other girl she lost even tho she shit talks her so much. this isn't my first time losing a friend but its my first time losing my best friend. im almost 18 and i just want to know how you guys deal with this stuff. i don't like being sad at all and its not even the fact that i lost her affecting me its just that she didn't try to keep me but she put a genuine effort to keep everyone else. please let me know if you guys later found a better girl friend in life to give me hope or something. she was the only girl i ever felt so comfortable with, not that i don't have other friends but she was my BEST friend, i wasn't hers though. i dont like knowing about people or checking up on them after a loss but i do miss the OLD her. also i lost alot of friends this year. i lost both sides of the friendship. i lost first of all my best friend and her friends and then the other girl that im friends with she doesnt include me in our friendgroup hangouts so like i deadas just lost

First, I’m very sorry if you don’t understand everything. English is not my native language.

Communication and friends are a difficult subject for me. Making friends has always been incredibly hard and I can tell today I only have two friends I never talk to, and we see each other sometimes throughout the year. My main relationships are online and I have failed all of them. It doesn’t matter how hard I try to fit in the group, it just doesn’t work.

I joined in September an writing role playing game. This community was definitely not for me but I tried. I promise, I tried everything, becoming the perfect people pleaser. And I think some people kinda liked me. Maybe. However, the community as a whole was pretty toxic, so judgmental, claiming that they were open-minded when they weren’t at all. I was constantly walking on eggs, reviewing again and again every message to make sure I wouldn’t upset them. Some people hide their hostility towards me by discreet behaviours that long years of rejection could notice. I was never chosen. I felt invisible for some. It hurts so badly.

I talked to some of my « friends » about that. They said if I quit they would understand. They were supportive even if they told me it was not big issues. Normal. You’re loved by everyone. Everyone talks to you so friendly.

But a day, it went too far. I felt so shitty, I decided to leave. Guess what? « You’re selfish to let us like that » « You had important things to do, it’s horrible to leave » « You’re a traitor » A traitor? Really? What about my own mental health? You always claim it’s super important to listen to yourself, to make decisions about you first, but when it comes to me, it’s not true anymore?

More than two months have past. I spent days talking to these people, these friends, when I was still part of the community. The minute I left, I got removed by some, and the others never have spoken to me since. How sad. Who’s the traitor?

I spend 7 months trying my best to exist as a real person for them. I did absolutely everything to please them, to prove them I was worthy. But I’m not.

i honestly miss them so much its pathetic. i can get back into contact with them whenever and ive been tempted to do so but i just feel embarrassed by it as its my fault we stopped talking in the first place. it was petty why we fell out and i regret it. its been like a year and a half now. i basically have no friends anymore and id do anything to just go back to how things use to be. maybe i should reach out but im just worried that theyll laugh at me for apologising 😭😭 thoughts????? maybe i should idk it wasnt likr a major argument we have i think it was just a miscommunication we had on either ends and id di anything ti clear it up. thanks for listening to me rant its liek nearly 2am and im just idk sorry

I have some lifelong friends I've known since 2018. They are female and all the same age as me(F 24). I know life has its ways, and everyone is on a different path. I feel like ever since my life started to progress, I've felt more distant from them. They all seem to be job-hoppers and don't want to finish school or have any plans for the future. Not that I am judging them because I know sh*t happens and things don't always go as planned when we are working while in school. I was the same at one point, but I tried to think of backup plans and what to do. But what I've noticed if one girl takes a break from school, the other one takes a break. They also work part-time together, so if one quits and starts at a new place, the other will do the same to work with them. They are all into the party scene/drinking a lot. Again, I am not judging them for their choices, but usually that is what their hangouts consist of when I am not around.

I often see them make plans together without me, post pics on social media, have group chats without me, etc. I started to notice this pattern around 2022, and it still happens, although I pretend not to notice it. I am always initiating plans, and when we do meet, they are late or ask if their bfs can come. Whenever we do make plans to meet, they always come later than me. The last two times we hung out this year, they were late. The first hangout (Feb 2026), they were an hour late; the second hangout (March 2026), they were 30 minutes late. I didn't even say anything about it; I kept my cool the entire time. Idc if they are running late or want their bf to come, but it's the fact that they'll tell me when it is time to meet, that they are late, or they want their bf to come.

I really do try to be understanding because everyone's life circumstances are different. Ever since I went to grad school(2024-2025), moved cities(around 2026), and got a full-time job, things feel more distant. I don't really have any other girlfriends, so I don't want to let them go, especially when we were super close during 2018-2023. Part of me is just fine letting them go since I already don'tsee them as often; part of me doesn't.

Are my feelings valid?