First of all, I am not one of those i ncels that see girls as objects or anything, I am acutally a functional person, but I am still a virgin, ok? You know? I am going to make it short, I am the type of mr nice guy, the one not that ugly but not handsome neither. I am completely unable to fuck, due to personal things I just hang out with boys, I dont talk too much with girls, the ones I have tried to talk with recently are clarely not atracted at all.

I have started having problems with it, have always been that sad with complex boy now I dont care at all anymore, but it is still anoying. I am a nice person when I talk to people, going to gym (not really too much there, but not fat neither or anything), going out frequently and I cant find a girl. God, I am not even asking for a relationship just a one night stand would be fine at this point. As I said first, the main problem has just been the typical life crysis the "oh, I am going to live alone" thing. I still have those but now, it doesnt even let me carry on a normal life. Since I wake up, sex is the first thing that comes to my mind, as it is holidays, my days are more or less the same. Wake up, chores, go to gym, study, more chores and hang out at night. I have to be constantly doing things all the time, so I dont think about sex, it has become bothering.

I can watch 3 or 4 films per day just not to be thinking about it, if I am not doing something I end up relying on it and ending up jerking off, the thing is jerking off doesnt relive at all, there are like 15 minutes and then here there is this urge again. I mean, what the hell? I have never felt like this, it is not even frustation at this point it is just and intrusive thought. For example, yesterday, I was saying the Odyssey, yes? That means more or less two hours and a half in a room and I couldnt focus on it, just because the thoughts keep going back there all the time. I sometimes am outsides and feel somekind of urges, you know? Like somekind of anxious thing that makes my life more and more frustating. Is anything of this normal at all?

Cause it's not just some college or job application which is alright to get rejected from cause there's nothing embarassing about it for some reason but from women? My goodness I don't know why even the idea of getting rejected intimidates me so much.

Until you can’t time it for off hrs and go during regular dinner hrs and the restaurant is just full of cute couples my age and then me eating alone fml

This is something I've been thinking about recently, and I'm curious whether anyone else here feels the same.

I imagine some people on this subreddit still live with their parents, but there are probably many who live alone and don't have much of a support network.

For example, I only have one close friend in my city, and he lives on the other side of town, so most of the time I'm by myself. Like a lot of people here, I often walk alone, including at night.

I try to be sensible. I keep good posture, stay aware of my surroundings, avoid obviously risky situations, and don't have my phone out all the time. But those things only help to a certain extent.

Sometimes I wonder whether being someone who is obviously alone makes you a more attractive target for muggers, burglars, scammers, or other people looking to take advantage of someone. Most people have families or groups of friends checking in on them regularly. If you don't, does that make you more vulnerable?

What worries me even more is the future. I'm 27 now, so this isn't an immediate concern, but I sometimes think about what life might be like if I'm elderly and still living alone. I wonder whether that would make me an easier target for scammers or criminals pretending to be relatives, carers, or officials to gain my trust.

Maybe I'm overthinking it, but it's something that crosses my mind from time to time.

Does anyone else here ever think about this, or feel physically less safe because you don't have many people around you? If you live alone, are there any habits or precautions you've adopted that help you feel more secure?

i always think about it late at night.

and honestly, i don’t even necessarily think of physical as much anymore. i just think about my life with them.

aside from sharing my core values, our lives revolve around peace. ideally, we walk up and drink coffee together, and read together in silence. we go to the movie theatre, and talk about the film over dinner. we were homebodies, and we prefer staying, bingeing tv shows together. of course, i’m open to trying new stuff but, i just want a life where there’s happiness, there’s joy, there’s … peace.

that’s all. that’s all i want.

I think there's a point where, if nothing has changed, you're just done. The bomb blows up. Things will never improve after that.

I mean in the sense that as you get older you’ll become more unattractive, you’ll have fewer opportunities, and you’ll be competing against more and more people with far more experience than you have. You just become less desirable with time.

If you've reached, say, 25 and absolutely nothing has improved DESPITE putting in effort into say going to the gym, experimenting with fashion, putting yourself out there it's hard to believe it ever will. People will say, "well you’re just unlucky! It’ll come!" but no one is unlucky for decades. At some point, you have to confront the fact that there's something fundamentally wrong with you—physically, mentally, or both (in my case).

I'm 25 now, and for a long time I saw that as my deadline. I was supposed to be dead but due to an extraordinary coincidence early last year I've decided to give myself one more year. There are still things I haven't tried, like cosmetic surgery. And if things STILL don’t improve and I mean even just having my first date would be enough to dissuade me from my fatalistic approach — then I guess I can take solace in the fact it was never meant to be.

please no “it’ll get better bro, trust”or adjacent comments. I’m tired of reading them.

​

I feel like I'm too old to still be having sexual thoughts, I noticed that there's nothing to gain from having sexual desires, and it feels childish.

If I feel like unless if I chop off my balls, there's no way to stop the thoughts from arising, I'm definitely at an age where I feel desensitized, but I want to learn how to get rid of sexual thoughts, especially since I'm hitting 29.

I think about this sometimes.

Who would I be if I'd felt loved since i was a teen? Maybe I'd have different hobbies, different interests, or different career.

I'm not saying loneliness ruined my life, I just think it quietly shaped a lot of the small decisions that made me who I am today, i think It's like a butterfly effect.

I'm not saying I'd be rich, or the president lol, I just wonder what kind of perspective on the world I'd have, maybe I'd be more outgoing, or maybe I'd still be the same person, just without some of the scars loneliness left on my self-esteem, maybe nothing would be different at all.

Just a random thought before going to sleep

First stare ❌

First crush ✅

First time flirting ❌

First rejection ❌

First touch ❌

First giving someone your number ❌

First hand holding ❌

First asking/being asked out ❌

First date ❌

First "I love you" ❌

First kiss ❌

First anxious visit to her house ❌

First romantic sleepover ❌

First relationship ❌

First sex ❌

First breakup ❌

First serious relationship ❌

Living with the partner for the first time ❌

Engagement ❌

Marriage ❌

Having children ❌

Being a 35 yo virgin joke ✅

If God exists he's probably munching on pop corn and drinks a large soda sitting comfortably in his heavenly chair looking down at me and laughing at the ridiculous "man" he created just for the laughs

Not in a crazy way but a girlfriend is something I never had before, so I find myself dombfounded. When I see a girl, they look happy asf and carefree, so its like I want them in that moment. The comfort and vibe I feel from them is like I took drugs for the first time.

Growing up, anything involving sex, nudity, or even basic attraction made me wildly uncomfortable. Being overly religious with severe OCD, made normal things feel like a taboo. My brain basically conditioned me to treat normal human desires like toxic waste.

I’ve done a lot of work on my mindset over the years, but intimacy still feels like uncharted territory for me.
The hardest part right now is the sheer insecurity of feeling so far behind. Things that most people do automatically like masturbating, having casual nsfw thoughts, or daydreaming about someone they find hot, literally didn't happen for me. I didn't even realize how differently my brain was wired compared to my peers until my mid-20s.

Now I’m turning 30, and the total lack of experience is giving me major anxiety. I’m also very angry and grieving. I feel cheated out of normal teenage and 20s milestones that everyone else got to take for granted while I was stuck in my own head.

I just feel my life could have been different if I wasn’t like this growing up. I feel so behind in life and don’t know what to do, I feel stuck.

I don’t go to my friends’ weddings anymore.

Every time I see a married man, I can’t stop thinking about how he’s already felt that softness, that quiet intimacy… while I’m still a kissless virgin. The contrast hits so hard it makes me want to kms.

Because of everything that happened in my childhood, I carry multiple mental health issues that make the risk of a failed relationship feel almost certain. So I can’t really have a partner… and that I probably never will.

Some people in life just don’t deserve to have that kind of intimacy,

And I’m one of them.

It is what it is

Edit: niether did i get a motherly intimacy growing up so I don't deserve that either.

I’m in my 40s now i have given up

hope that i will meet someone. I only ever had

one bf that was in my 20s. I given up hope I

tried the apps I lost all hope .

being alone is hard at least im

not in a terrible situation .

21M. I’ve never been chosen by anyone.

I’ve never had a relationship. I’ve never been held by someone who actually wanted me. I’ve never had someone look at me and decide they wanted me in their life. And I’m so tired of pretending that doesn’t completely fuck with me.

I’m extremely shy, and being a shy guy feels like a death sentence socially. Nobody approaches you. Nobody rescues you. You’re expected to initiate everything, somehow be confident when you have zero evidence anyone wants you, get rejected over and over, and then smile and call it “putting yourself out there.”

I have put myself out there. Dating apps, friendship apps, local groups, personals, changing my pictures, rewriting bios, trying to look hotter, trying to look safer, trying to be honest, trying not to be too honest. Mostly I get silence. And then people act confused about why lonely men stop trying, or eventually offing themselves.

People also love saying lonely people need to stop talking to AI and go talk to “real people.” Okay. Where are they? Real people don’t want to talk to me. They tell you human connection is essential and then make it almost impossible to actually get.

I don’t even want anything complicated. I want someone to hold me. I want to build a connection with someone and learn who they are. I want someone to actually want me there. Apparently that is asking for the fucking moon.

And no, a career is not going to replace that. Hobbies will not replace that. “Loving myself” will not replace another human being touching me and choosing me. I don’t live for work. I don’t care about grinding until I become impressive enough to earn affection. Human closeness is the only thing I genuinely care about, and I have none of it.

Physical affection and co-regulation are basic human needs, but people act like admitting you need them makes you defective or emotionally dangerous. Meanwhile most people would fall apart without their partner, family, or friends. They just get to pretend they’re independent because their needs are already being met.

I’m so fucking tired of being told support exists. Where? Every time I reach out, I get ignored, rejected, misunderstood, or handed some empty line about how things might change someday.

I don’t know how much longer I’m supposed to keep living like this when I’ve been given zero evidence that I’ve ever been wanted by anyone. I’m not looking for advice about becoming more confident or learning to enjoy being alone. I just need somebody to understand that this kind of loneliness is not a minor inconvenience. It is eating me alive.

First off, I'm not fishing for people to comment happy birthday to me, don't feel obligated.

I'm typing this up and crying right now. Crying on my birthday is pretty common for me because it always brings into relief what I don't have anymore, or what I've never had.

I don't have much family anymore. Long gone are the days of big family get-togethers to celebrate the children's birthdays. Most of my family have either died or might as well be dead to me anymore.

I've never had a girlfriend to celebrate with. Not that I expect an extravagant party or anything. A warm embrace from someone who chose me would go a long way.

I don't have friends who'd comment either. The only reason anyone would say anything is because Facebook reminds them. It remains to be seen if my one real friend even notices. I've barely talked to him the last few months - his choice there.

It's inherently childish I know, giving a fuck about this day after you're old enough to drink. But it is nice to have a day that's mine. Or rather, it would be nice to have a day to look forward to. Instead I'm here crying at almost 5 AM because I'm 99% certain I won't even get a hug today.

Hey who knows, if I'm lucky this'll be the last one.

I've always struggled so bad mentally. The first feeling I ever remember having was deep anxiety when I was 4 years old, and the feeling that the world isn't meant for people like me. I had terrible stomach aches when I was a kid and nobody could explain why, every test would come out normally. Turns out I was so anxious I had those pains every single day. Obviously I was socially stunted. I did manage to make two friends, one being a girl I fell in love with. I'm so obsessive and compulsive. I think about her all the time. She's like a ghost that's always by my side. I change my attitude when I'm alone because in my mind she's here. I can't enjoy my hobbies without pretending she's here with me. It's been more than a year since she rejected me and moved away for college. I miss her and she probably doesn't even feel troubled in the slightest. I tried asking other girls out, never even got a chance for a date to show what I got, which admitted isn't much. It's weird how it messes with my body physically. I feel a hole in my chest. I've never even held hands with anybody and how could I ever hope to achieve that, being so messed up in the head? I'm autistic. I'm severely depressed. I have panic disorder. I have 0 self-esteem and I feel like I've been conditioning myself all my life to believe I'm worse than anybody else. I suck so bad. I wish I was normal and healthy. Life is passing me by and I'm missing out on key experiences that make living worth it for so many people. I barely even feel horny anymore, I just wanted to feel someone's smell, feel our shoulders touch, hold hands, talk about dumb stuff, watch something together. I'm learning to play electric bass because I thought a hobby would help my depression, and it does help, but it just makes me think "what for?"

In the end, it's just me. I don't believe any girl would ever look at me and think "wow I wanna date *that* thing". I don't even care about appearances because I know I'm in no place to pick and choose. But deep down I know even below average people have infinite better options than me. Idk if anybody will even read this, I'm just ranting. If anyone does read it, I just want to say if you ever feel hopeless, remember at least you're not retarded and weird like me. It feels like there's always hope as long as you're not me. Life tires me out. I tire myself out with my endless flow of deep desires I can never hope to fulfill.

It makes me so sad. This includes things like cheating, treating them badly, and not appreciating their company.

Most of us are dying to have a person who loves us and wants to be with us. Yet others have everything and take it for granted. If they spent 27 years being single, a lot of people would probably appreciate their partners more.

I'm a (35/m). So there is this girl at my workplace (30, I think?) and I'm fairly certain she likes me. But at this point in my life I can't see myself making a move. She says "bye" to me at work before leaving, and usually nobody else. She also doesn't seem to mind when I sit beside her on break or anything. She even smiles when I talk to her, and she doesn't seem like the sort to do that a bunch.

But there are problems. One problem is that I find it awkward to talk to her. I get nervous and trip over my words and sometimes just kinda trail off. I haven't even really asked anything about her dating life, kids or anything really. But we've had conversations. I think she has a child but I'm not sure?

Another problem is that I've never had sex before. I know I can't give details in this sub because it's against the rules, but what I can say is that I feel like I'd be too awkward, clumsy, unsatisfying, and just plain weird. Especially at my current age. I can't even relax about it enough to be aroused around another person.

Then there's the fact that idk where to go on a date. I haven't been on a date in almost 10 years. And those were largely forced by the mother of my ex. I didn't have a car back then so she went on ALL of our dates.

Lastly, I live with my mom currently and my room is like a storage closet. It's a mess. I've tried to clean it up but to no avail. I really wouldn't want to take her here. (And honestly I think it's a symptom of deeper psychological issues. I heard once that a room is an outward expression of your inner world).

I was going to try to ask her out or something, but realizing she deserves someone normal, I said nothing. She left, I said "have a good night" like a dork. Now I'm going to try to put it behind me.

It's doesn't matter.. I can do all this self improvement.. I can workout, go to counseling, take my pills, wear nice clothes go out of my way to talk to people and go to new places and still no girl wants me. I have no idea why.. it's ridiculous im handsome and in shape but it doesn't matter. They don't want me. I'm 23 never been in a relationship never even held a girls hand it's so pathetic.

It gives me solace to think that, whatever is that makes me unlovable, it will not be passed down to future generations but it will be wiped out when my life will come to an end.

It's a small victory, but it's a victory nonetheless, and I cherish it.

it’s just like I’m not even living. I fill up my days with new hobbies and interests but when I’m with my friends, colleagues or other people my age (online or irl) and i hear them speak about their love life in general I just know I’ll never be able to relate or experience it. I’m grateful they at least try to boost me and not let me feel the gap, but at some point the gap will be too big to be filled with anything but despair

I’m ugly I already know that, objectively. My bestfriends however are seriously beautiful and are used to having many guys after them, they are now in long term relationships. Especially whilst standing next to them I’ve noticed how guys always ignore my presence and don’t even acknowledge me, when they do, they are extremely rude and I can tell they are making it very clear that they aren’t attracted to me. It’s like guys only consider attractive girls as humans. I wish I was human. I’ve never held hands with a guy or even had any guy friends. I’ve recently came to the realisation that no matter how I’ve tried to change over the years, no one will ever like or even want to be my friend. No guy will ever put in a tear drop of effort into me. Despite this, when I do get a crush (I’ve only ever had a crush on 3 different people) i seriously get so obsessed and devoted to them yet I’ve never managed to have a proper conversation with them. Cherry on top, none of them liked me. I’m unsettling, ugly and weird. But recently I’ve been craving a connection and for someone to love M, rather than my usual unrequited love. But I hate how I know that’s impossible. I know because I have changed every aspect of myself I’ve gone out more yet still no one likes me.

I was invited to a conference and although initially everyone was very friendly and pushy for me to sign up, by the last day no one offered and when I said I probably won’t they just kinda shrugged. I only found out after the conference they were cultish