Sometimes I wonder how many people really ever get the feeling to be the most important person ins the life of their partner. Even if you get chose to have a relatiosnhip do they really think of you as the most important person for them or are you just simple part of their life?

Thats what made me think a lot in the last few days if even if we find a partner, are we even important to them, are we what they want and even need in life?

Guess for some neither can happen but it was just something that was on my mind

I spent an entire month preparing, passed the written exam and the first interview, only to be rejected in the final interview. All that hard work went down the drain. I put all my time and energy into this, so I didn't have enough time to prepare for interviews at other hospitals either, and I basically blew all of them.

As an FA, career is the only thing i actually have a chance of succeeding. But i guess i'm too stupid to even do that.

Actually tried to end all this. So i deleted my main reddit account that i used on this subreddit (r/overcaffeinated04) and tried to hang myself with a belt. I guess evem the belt couldn't hold how fat i am. So i fell to the ground and all i have left is pain in my butt since it's where i landed on.

I can't understand how i'm so incapable of doing anything.

It's always lovely when you go on Tinder every night and it is the exact same situation as before - zero likes. I tried my best to go with the very best pictures of myself, which as you can imagine were very thin on the ground, and yet I ended up only getting one like since I created the profile a month ago. And that like was almost certainly a scam. Bumble was exactly the same when I tried it out a few months ago. I was barred from Hinge by its rules that you have to have six photos/videos. Just no.

So I'm sitting here wondering why I should even bother trying to look for someone to date, or even just to have a one-night stand with. It is obvious I have no good looks, and I am "blessed" with autism so any attempt at real-world socializing is going to be dead right from the off. At least with messaging I have a chance to mask it better but not in real life.

I do find it funny that there are people out there who unironically think you'll find someone when you least expect it. Because I have worked hard to create the best possible representation of myself and it completely failed. Why would anyone want me when I'm not trying to find someone?

Is it that i am not man enough, i am not confident, smart, handsome, rich, likable, person enough?

I'm gonna be quick. I'm 19. For some people, that might be too young to consider myself Forever Alone, but I can't see myself in any other way. I wholeheartedly cannot fathom the possibility of me being in a relationship. So that begs the question: when is it reasonable for me to say "Yeah, I really won't find someone."? Because now my family keeps saying I'll eventually find someone, despite the fact every girl I've met clearly was disgusted by me. When will they finally agree that I'm an unlovable fuck? I genuinely don't know what some people see in me. Parents say I'm not ugly, I am. Parents say I can find someone, I can't. Maybe some of the older people here will see this and think I'm either really FA (I doubt it) or I'm just confused, seeking validation or something like that. Fuck this life.

Living alone in a big city, having no partner and very few friends, spending almost all my time alone at home. This is truly a terrible fate.

I'm almost 26 and still have the v-card, i am likely considering visiting an escort or sex worker to rid myself of the v-card, i am strongly considering, likely before the end of the year, i wanted to ask for those who have done this, any regrets or not?

Also, for guys who did this, was it good or enjoyable despite it being a business transaction? I don't know if this is true or not, but i could have sworn I heard some guys say that some of the sex or physical intimacy they have had with an escort or sex worker was better than it was with their ex-girlfriends/ex-wives.

Im 18 years old and Im very fat and ugly and i cant get a man (duh). But even if i had a TINY chance in meeting a guy my social anxiety would ruin it for me. I literally panic when I get a reddit dm(had to turn them off because its scary) so how would I act if I wanted to talk to a guy (if there was one that wanted to talk to me)❓️. My social anxiety prevents me from even making friends let alone a boyfriend. Especially since in my experience guys are rude to me just for speaking to them or even existing in the same room as them which has caused me to fear men❓️and so when i see dudes that make me think "wow he's a fat ugly guy too I wonder if I should talk to him" I get really anxious because there are so many terrible things that could happen if I do. like what if he gives me The "i hate ugly fat girls why is this bitch speaking to me die die die" Look. I get this look all tje time and it always makes me go home and cry. This SUCKS

Also I just like the ❓️ emoji thats why I use it sometimes

Edit: thought I might add please dont tell me to lose weight as I currently am trying to recover from binge eating disorder💔

Today I was supposed to meet up with a friend to go to the movies, 30 minutes before the movie starts she canceled. Normally I would be ok with this but this has been going on for 3 years. Anytime I want to hang out with our small friend group they either make an excuse ps cancel last minute, but I often see stories on instagram of them together. I only see them when i casually run into them in our town.

Not in a crazy way but a girlfriend is something I never had before, so I find myself dombfounded. When I see a girl, they look happy asf and carefree, so its like I want them in that moment. The comfort and vibe I feel from them is like I took drugs for the first time.

Until you can’t time it for off hrs and go during regular dinner hrs and the restaurant is just full of cute couples my age and then me eating alone fml

This is something I've been thinking about recently, and I'm curious whether anyone else here feels the same.

I imagine some people on this subreddit still live with their parents, but there are probably many who live alone and don't have much of a support network.

For example, I only have one close friend in my city, and he lives on the other side of town, so most of the time I'm by myself. Like a lot of people here, I often walk alone, including at night.

I try to be sensible. I keep good posture, stay aware of my surroundings, avoid obviously risky situations, and don't have my phone out all the time. But those things only help to a certain extent.

Sometimes I wonder whether being someone who is obviously alone makes you a more attractive target for muggers, burglars, scammers, or other people looking to take advantage of someone. Most people have families or groups of friends checking in on them regularly. If you don't, does that make you more vulnerable?

What worries me even more is the future. I'm 27 now, so this isn't an immediate concern, but I sometimes think about what life might be like if I'm elderly and still living alone. I wonder whether that would make me an easier target for scammers or criminals pretending to be relatives, carers, or officials to gain my trust.

Maybe I'm overthinking it, but it's something that crosses my mind from time to time.

Does anyone else here ever think about this, or feel physically less safe because you don't have many people around you? If you live alone, are there any habits or precautions you've adopted that help you feel more secure?

First of all, I am not one of those i ncels that see girls as objects or anything, I am acutally a functional person, but I am still a virgin, ok? You know? I am going to make it short, I am the type of mr nice guy, the one not that ugly but not handsome neither. I am completely unable to fuck, due to personal things I just hang out with boys, I dont talk too much with girls, the ones I have tried to talk with recently are clarely not atracted at all.

I have started having problems with it, have always been that sad with complex boy now I dont care at all anymore, but it is still anoying. I am a nice person when I talk to people, going to gym (not really too much there, but not fat neither or anything), going out frequently and I cant find a girl. God, I am not even asking for a relationship just a one night stand would be fine at this point. As I said first, the main problem has just been the typical life crysis the "oh, I am going to live alone" thing. I still have those but now, it doesnt even let me carry on a normal life. Since I wake up, sex is the first thing that comes to my mind, as it is holidays, my days are more or less the same. Wake up, chores, go to gym, study, more chores and hang out at night. I have to be constantly doing things all the time, so I dont think about sex, it has become bothering.

I can watch 3 or 4 films per day just not to be thinking about it, if I am not doing something I end up relying on it and ending up jerking off, the thing is jerking off doesnt relive at all, there are like 15 minutes and then here there is this urge again. I mean, what the hell? I have never felt like this, it is not even frustation at this point it is just and intrusive thought. For example, yesterday, I was saying the Odyssey, yes? That means more or less two hours and a half in a room and I couldnt focus on it, just because the thoughts keep going back there all the time. I sometimes am outsides and feel somekind of urges, you know? Like somekind of anxious thing that makes my life more and more frustating. Is anything of this normal at all?

i always think about it late at night.

and honestly, i don’t even necessarily think of physical as much anymore. i just think about my life with them.

aside from sharing my core values, our lives revolve around peace. ideally, we walk up and drink coffee together, and read together in silence. we go to the movie theatre, and talk about the film over dinner. we were homebodies, and we prefer staying, bingeing tv shows together. of course, i’m open to trying new stuff but, i just want a life where there’s happiness, there’s joy, there’s … peace.

that’s all. that’s all i want.

Growing up, anything involving sex, nudity, or even basic attraction made me wildly uncomfortable. Being overly religious with severe OCD, made normal things feel like a taboo. My brain basically conditioned me to treat normal human desires like toxic waste.

I’ve done a lot of work on my mindset over the years, but intimacy still feels like uncharted territory for me.
The hardest part right now is the sheer insecurity of feeling so far behind. Things that most people do automatically like masturbating, having casual nsfw thoughts, or daydreaming about someone they find hot, literally didn't happen for me. I didn't even realize how differently my brain was wired compared to my peers until my mid-20s.

Now I’m turning 30, and the total lack of experience is giving me major anxiety. I’m also very angry and grieving. I feel cheated out of normal teenage and 20s milestones that everyone else got to take for granted while I was stuck in my own head.

I just feel my life could have been different if I wasn’t like this growing up. I feel so behind in life and don’t know what to do, I feel stuck.

Cause it's not just some college or job application which is alright to get rejected from cause there's nothing embarassing about it for some reason but from women? My goodness I don't know why even the idea of getting rejected intimidates me so much.

I think there's a point where, if nothing has changed, you're just done. The bomb blows up. Things will never improve after that.

I mean in the sense that as you get older you’ll become more unattractive, you’ll have fewer opportunities, and you’ll be competing against more and more people with far more experience than you have. You just become less desirable with time.

If you've reached, say, 25 and absolutely nothing has improved DESPITE putting in effort into say going to the gym, experimenting with fashion, putting yourself out there it's hard to believe it ever will. People will say, "well you’re just unlucky! It’ll come!" but no one is unlucky for decades. At some point, you have to confront the fact that there's something fundamentally wrong with you—physically, mentally, or both (in my case).

I'm 25 now, and for a long time I saw that as my deadline. I was supposed to be dead but due to an extraordinary coincidence early last year I've decided to give myself one more year. There are still things I haven't tried, like cosmetic surgery. And if things STILL don’t improve and I mean even just having my first date would be enough to dissuade me from my fatalistic approach — then I guess I can take solace in the fact it was never meant to be.

please no “it’ll get better bro, trust”or adjacent comments. I’m tired of reading them.

I think about this sometimes.

Who would I be if I'd felt loved since i was a teen? Maybe I'd have different hobbies, different interests, or different career.

I'm not saying loneliness ruined my life, I just think it quietly shaped a lot of the small decisions that made me who I am today, i think It's like a butterfly effect.

I'm not saying I'd be rich, or the president lol, I just wonder what kind of perspective on the world I'd have, maybe I'd be more outgoing, or maybe I'd still be the same person, just without some of the scars loneliness left on my self-esteem, maybe nothing would be different at all.

Just a random thought before going to sleep

I’m ugly I already know that, objectively. My bestfriends however are seriously beautiful and are used to having many guys after them, they are now in long term relationships. Especially whilst standing next to them I’ve noticed how guys always ignore my presence and don’t even acknowledge me, when they do, they are extremely rude and I can tell they are making it very clear that they aren’t attracted to me. It’s like guys only consider attractive girls as humans. I wish I was human. I’ve never held hands with a guy or even had any guy friends. I’ve recently came to the realisation that no matter how I’ve tried to change over the years, no one will ever like or even want to be my friend. No guy will ever put in a tear drop of effort into me. Despite this, when I do get a crush (I’ve only ever had a crush on 3 different people) i seriously get so obsessed and devoted to them yet I’ve never managed to have a proper conversation with them. Cherry on top, none of them liked me. I’m unsettling, ugly and weird. But recently I’ve been craving a connection and for someone to love M, rather than my usual unrequited love. But I hate how I know that’s impossible. I know because I have changed every aspect of myself I’ve gone out more yet still no one likes me.

I don’t go to my friends’ weddings anymore.

Every time I see a married man, I can’t stop thinking about how he’s already felt that softness, that quiet intimacy… while I’m still a kissless virgin. The contrast hits so hard it makes me want to kms.

Because of everything that happened in my childhood, I carry multiple mental health issues that make the risk of a failed relationship feel almost certain. So I can’t really have a partner… and that I probably never will.

Some people in life just don’t deserve to have that kind of intimacy,

And I’m one of them.

It is what it is

Edit: niether did i get a motherly intimacy growing up so I don't deserve that either.

First stare ❌

First crush ✅

First time flirting ❌

First rejection ❌

First touch ❌

First giving someone your number ❌

First hand holding ❌

First asking/being asked out ❌

First date ❌

First "I love you" ❌

First kiss ❌

First anxious visit to her house ❌

First romantic sleepover ❌

First relationship ❌

First sex ❌

First breakup ❌

First serious relationship ❌

Living with the partner for the first time ❌

Engagement ❌

Marriage ❌

Having children ❌

Being a 35 yo virgin joke ✅

If God exists he's probably munching on pop corn and drinks a large soda sitting comfortably in his heavenly chair looking down at me and laughing at the ridiculous "man" he created just for the laughs

I’m in my 40s now i have given up

hope that i will meet someone. I only ever had

one bf that was in my 20s. I given up hope I

tried the apps I lost all hope .

being alone is hard at least im

not in a terrible situation .

I've always struggled so bad mentally. The first feeling I ever remember having was deep anxiety when I was 4 years old, and the feeling that the world isn't meant for people like me. I had terrible stomach aches when I was a kid and nobody could explain why, every test would come out normally. Turns out I was so anxious I had those pains every single day. Obviously I was socially stunted. I did manage to make two friends, one being a girl I fell in love with. I'm so obsessive and compulsive. I think about her all the time. She's like a ghost that's always by my side. I change my attitude when I'm alone because in my mind she's here. I can't enjoy my hobbies without pretending she's here with me. It's been more than a year since she rejected me and moved away for college. I miss her and she probably doesn't even feel troubled in the slightest. I tried asking other girls out, never even got a chance for a date to show what I got, which admitted isn't much. It's weird how it messes with my body physically. I feel a hole in my chest. I've never even held hands with anybody and how could I ever hope to achieve that, being so messed up in the head? I'm autistic. I'm severely depressed. I have panic disorder. I have 0 self-esteem and I feel like I've been conditioning myself all my life to believe I'm worse than anybody else. I suck so bad. I wish I was normal and healthy. Life is passing me by and I'm missing out on key experiences that make living worth it for so many people. I barely even feel horny anymore, I just wanted to feel someone's smell, feel our shoulders touch, hold hands, talk about dumb stuff, watch something together. I'm learning to play electric bass because I thought a hobby would help my depression, and it does help, but it just makes me think "what for?"

In the end, it's just me. I don't believe any girl would ever look at me and think "wow I wanna date *that* thing". I don't even care about appearances because I know I'm in no place to pick and choose. But deep down I know even below average people have infinite better options than me. Idk if anybody will even read this, I'm just ranting. If anyone does read it, I just want to say if you ever feel hopeless, remember at least you're not retarded and weird like me. It feels like there's always hope as long as you're not me. Life tires me out. I tire myself out with my endless flow of deep desires I can never hope to fulfill.

First off, I'm not fishing for people to comment happy birthday to me, don't feel obligated.

I'm typing this up and crying right now. Crying on my birthday is pretty common for me because it always brings into relief what I don't have anymore, or what I've never had.

I don't have much family anymore. Long gone are the days of big family get-togethers to celebrate the children's birthdays. Most of my family have either died or might as well be dead to me anymore.

I've never had a girlfriend to celebrate with. Not that I expect an extravagant party or anything. A warm embrace from someone who chose me would go a long way.

I don't have friends who'd comment either. The only reason anyone would say anything is because Facebook reminds them. It remains to be seen if my one real friend even notices. I've barely talked to him the last few months - his choice there.

It's inherently childish I know, giving a fuck about this day after you're old enough to drink. But it is nice to have a day that's mine. Or rather, it would be nice to have a day to look forward to. Instead I'm here crying at almost 5 AM because I'm 99% certain I won't even get a hug today.

Hey who knows, if I'm lucky this'll be the last one.