I have to move to a new house, not even far from my old one and my mind is freaking out about it. every time I want to do something, I go through this with my nervous system. it wants me to avoid, it sends me intrusive images of me feeling unreal or not myself.

i feel like a prisoner and all this over 3 panic attacks 4 years ago. the worst part is that now I can’t even panic, there’s no physical anxiety or feelings at all. just this disembodied self. my mind is afraid of literally everything, any sort of change. the sad thing is that I was the most outgoing and fun person before this. I went wherever I wanted, did whatever I wanted. I never had these thoughts or fears. the thing is, I’m living my life and doing these things anyways - but my system worsens my symptoms when I do.

it doesn’t matter what I do, or how I cope with this, it continues. I basically have learned to live in this selfless state, no body, no felt emotions. just nothing but this loop of fear that I’m going to be unsafe, im going to be trapped, im going to go crazy. never ends. I feel like a broken human, this is like living in a never ending trip you can’t get out of.

i don’t fight with it, but it’s horrible living this way. a non stop voice in your head sending you these images of danger, of unreality, of loss of control. There’s no physical sensation anymore because the alarm has never gone off, and my body is burnt out. I’ll never understand how a panic attack can ruin your consciousness this severely, I feel crazy and insane worrying about these things people do daily with no issues. I also constantly get images and thoughts of how life used to feel, my mind is comparing my current experience to the past 24/7. I can’t be present in life or do anything new, like how is this even possible?

I had a long conversation with my best friend tonight explaining how isolated I feel in this and how my childhood made me stuck at 34 years old in this horrible state. when I talk about the memories, it’s as if they didn’t happen to me, or even happen at all. I look out at the night sky and none of it feels real either. there’s no panic, no fear, just sheer disconnection from my reality and my history. it’s getting worse every month that passes by, and I don’t know how. I’ve lost everything about myself completely, like I can’t even comprehend it. I know I need to stop focusing on it, but it’s absolutely terrifying. fuck this disorder, so much.

Today I had a vivid dream, see I know that vivid dreams are one of the symptoms of dpdr so some people see may see this symptoms as a negative. But while dreaming, these are the only times when I FEEL EMOTIONS , very vividly, like a normal person. And it's so amazing. It made me think that what a big disability that in dpdr people cannot feel emotions. You can't feel fully when you say bye to a friend who is going for a long and many other feeling and emotions sorry my post is not structured. I miss emotions not just because they felt heavenly awesome, another reason is the disability, you feel like a psychopath, Just living, surviving, nothing feels special.

I'm literally crying today I saw a dream in which I made a friend and was seeing off my friend, he was going and I felt weird emotions. I felt sad, and attachment to him. That was the time I felt human and then I woke up. BOOM, woke up in the plain emotionless world again! Feeling little to no emotions make us disabiling in a way that you lost people more easily, and I also can't feel that people get sad after breakup. Not beacause I'm cold hearted, just because I'm disabled. I have become disabled in a very weird way. I feel like shit. Actually I'm just thinking that I feel like shit becauss my brain knows at that moments people feel like shit but I'm not actually feeling like shit. I've always wondered why I felt so amazing when I was a kid and now I know it. Now I fucking know it!

And sorry for my broken english you cannot say nice read or beautiful post now LOL. I hope you'll read this and maybe share some thoughts if possible.These are some of my thoughts right after waking up from a nice dream.

hi! i’ve been suffering from dpdr for the last 3 years, and i had tunnel vision since then. recently i consulted a therapist who told me that when tunnel vision is caused by anxiety it cannot be constant, and recommended me to see an optician.

so i went to my family doctor to get a referral and she told me she can schedule to get checked check for glaucoma ( something that can cause permanent vision loss) and naturally now i’m shitting my pants.

i wanted to know if anyone else suffers from constant tunnel vision and if anybody who suffers from dpdr got checked for the same thing. i guess i’m just really scared and looking for some relief reason.

It’s just severe depersonalization. Haven’t had a panic attack in two years. I feel left out when I see everyone in this sub talking about OCD & panic attacks. No hate to them though because those things do suck, a panic attack initially started this for me so I get it. But I just.. don’t have it anymore

Just curious, how many of you struggle with true memory issues? I can BARELY remember or picture last week or even yesterday. I'm still able to learn new things, but idk it feels like my past is such a damn blur. Even memories from before dpdr started are all such a blur. Normal dpdr?

My doctor recommended that I have blue light glasses to calm my nervous system, does this actually work, everything just looks blue…