Any advice would be appreciated.

About a month ago I moved into a larger room in the same house, and since then two roommates have become increasingly hostile toward me. They regularly blame me for things I didn't do, refuse to communicate directly, and back each other up whenever there's an issue.

Some examples:

One roommate tried to get me to confront a new roommate over a house arrangement she claimed wasn't being followed. It turned out the landlord had already changed the arrangement, and she knew that.

They implied I left the front door unlocked when it was actually one of them. When I later sent a general reminder to lock both doors as the backyard was left unlock overnight one roommate became abusive over text.

I've been blamed for messes I didn't make and yelled at over things like allegedly "slamming" a door, despite always being careful.

When I accidentally missed one garbage day while learning the schedule, they complained to the landlord, even though they've missed garbage days themselves.

When I first moved in, I regularly checked in to make sure I wasn't bothering anyone because I value communication and respect. Once the hostility started, I tried several times to ask if something was wrong, but got nowhere. One roommate refuses to discuss anything, while the other tells me privately everything is fine but publicly sides with the accusations.

The landlord doesn't seem interested in getting involved, so I've mostly stopped engaging except when necessary.

The only thing I regret is recently sending an angry text about hair left in my assigned bathroom. It wasn't my best moment. Is it worth apologizing for that, even though they've consistently treated me poorly?

One additional detail: the house has historically been all-female, which was important to me when I moved in. Recently, both roommates have been trying to rent rooms to male friends. I don't object to male roommates in general, but given the timing, it feels retaliatory.

What would you do in this situation?

My roommate drove us home in her car after the movies yesterday, and I realized afterward that there were months of dried boogers wiped all over her passenger seat where I’d been sitting. Later I found more on the wall next to her bed and even on the side of my couch.

I politely brought it up, bought tissues for the house, and asked her to clean the couch. She denied it at first, got offended, and two hours later it’s still there.

I’m now looking for a new apartment because I genuinely can’t get past this.

WARNING, GROSS PICS

I live with a roommate who feels it's her job to manage everyone in the house. I mainly ignore her but we clash very hard when it comes to my personal autonomy and privacy…and that of my family. This woman regularly shares my family's personal details with her friends, mutual friends whoever she wants…and I'm very private. We argue about this constantly.

She also feels it's necessary to “help” me with my personal situations, even when specifically told said “help” is not welcome.

Today I had cataract removal surgery on one eye. She was my ride. It made her happy to help. That is truly the only help I needed, wanted or requested and I was grateful for it.

When we got home she immediately went into my bag and pulled out my post op instructions. I took them from her and asked her to please respect my privacy.

Her reply: I need to make sure I understand those instructions so I can make sure you're following them.

Me: You don't. I've read and understand them and I'm aware of what I need to do

Her: I really need to see them,just in case you forget.

Me: You don't.

She got mad and stormed off. About two hours later she came to my room.

Her: I'm just checking on you:

Me: Oh? Why is that?

Her: Have you put in your eye drops?

Me: Thanks for your concern, I'm fine.

Her: Have you put in your eye drops?

Me: I don't need to be parented but thank you.

Her: Did you set an alarm for your eye drops?

Me: I prefer to handle this myself, but thank you.

Her: Well you know you can't go in the pool.

(I spend hours a day in the pool and double and triple checked the rules around that WITH MY DOCTOR AND THE NURSING TEAM)

Me: I checked with Dr G and the nursing team before I left. I'm allowed in the pool as long as I don't submerge my head or do anything strenuous.

Her: I checked online and you're not allowed in the pool

Me: I have checked with my medical team and I am.

Her: Well I don't want you to go in the pool.

Me: That's not your decision but thanks for your input. ( I've already decided not to because I'm still dilated and that pool is BRIGHT. But this is my private bodily autonomy and not subject to her control or opinions . )

Her: Well if you do go in the pool make sure you let me know beforehand.

Me: Why?

Her: So I can make sure you're fully capable.

Me: That's not yours to decide. I won't be parented, but again thanks for your input.

Her: Do NOT go in that pool on your own.

Me: I will be informing you of exactly nothing, please leave my room.

And she cried and left going “I'm only trying to help. I'm only trying to be supportive”

For four years I've been telling her to quit parenting me. I hate it, don't need it, and actively resent it, yet she doesn't stop.

Now…she does this to her husband, her grown daughter, my grown daughters and my grandkids. It is always unwelcome. Her husband sighs, grumbles and allows it, her daughter allows it only very occasionally, my kids allow it never and we all intercept when she starts with the grandkids.

I've recently discovered she told her sister in law private details of my children's lives and my medical situations. She says because she was telling Carol about howuch empathy and compassion she has for me. I should think that would mean NOT sharing my private life with other people, no?.

What do I do about this? Is it possible to make her understand that her “help” is actually invasive and intrusive?

I moved into my current place a year ago , and being here has always been less than ideal, but now it’s just unbearable. Besides the other people that I live with being loud and inconsiderate, dealing with my one roomates dogs makes me want to move despite me not being able to financially. He’s had both dogs for about 5 years now, and neither of them are spayed or neutered. They’re constantly barking, urinating, and defecating throughout the day no matter how many times they’re brought outside or given attention.

The roomate that owns the dogs is only home once or twice a week at most so taking care of the dogs falls on the rest of us in the house. I believe that their behaviors are partially due to them being unfixed , and when I talked to my roomate about getting them fixed, he said he may want to breed them in the future and he refused when I said I would even pay for the procedures. I don’t understand why he would rather deal with their behavioral issues for the rest of their lives instead of dealing with them accordingly.

I’ve been spending less time at the house and sleeping in my car because I don’t want to deal with them, and every time I go back to the house I find dog urine or feces in my area. Me and my roomates areas are separated by a door, but he removed the lock and handle mechanism shortly before I moved in. Him and the other roomates have to go through my area to leave the house, and they never close the door after themselves so the dogs have free rein over my area and they will constantly relieve themselves in my area without fail.

My roomates keep telling me that they’ll keep the door closed and make sure that their dogs don’t get into my area, but they never keep their word. I’m getting tired of it and I would’ve moved by now, but I have two cats and finding an affordable place that accepts pets is almost impossible at this point. My roomate says that his dogs are only misbehaving because of my cats and the dogs are just “marking territory” and that’s just the stupidest thing I’ve heard. I just don’t know what to do anymore,at this point I’m just wasting money paying for a place for my cats to stay because I try to stay out of the house as much as possible.

I apologize for the long essay, but if anyone has been in a similar situation and has any advice, I’d appreciate it 🥲

TLDR: my roomates dogs have turned the whole house into their bathroom and I don’t know what to do anymore.

My accommodation is full of men (mostly from India) who are really aggressive and egotistical. For the past two years I’ve been harassed by them to the point my mental health suffered greatly. I try not to interact with them anymore, not even stay in the same kitchen space but they continue to trash the place and expect others to clean it up. I’ve reported them but nothing happens. I would expect grown men in their 20s to know better, but they act with such hostility you’d think they were teens. I’ve gotten to the point where I am looking to room with anyone not from India (sorry if this sounds racist) because I think it’s a cultural issue.

Fair warning that this is a rant (please excuse any typos or formatting errors. don't normally post on reddit)

I'm(21F) living in an apartment on campus for the summer for an internship and got assigned a random roommate(21F) who I had met and was briefly in the same sorority with before she dropped it and I stayed, so I was never super familiar with her. She's friendly enough but also one of the most obnoxious people I have ever roomed with. Her boyfriend is over CONSTANTLY, usually every day multiple times a day. She says she also has an internship but I swear she is hardly ever not home, except for when she went on a week long vacation with said boyfriend (who she ALSO is working on her internship with!)

All of my complaints are minor but they are really snowballing. She went to "work" at her internship one day when I was feeling sick and was not even gone for a full two hours before she came home saying that the day "drained her". Personally, I'm working 40 hour work weeks with my internship. I have to be at mine at 8am but she is absolutely NOT quiet at all when I am trying to sleep. Things will be getting dropped at least 3 times and doors/drawers/etc are Not gonna be closed quietly. I've stopped trying to be quiet while I get ready in the mornings. She also has left hair in our shower and her parts of our room are consistenly looking like a disaster area of piles of clothes, random knickknacks and skincare, etc. I normally wouldn't mind this but she won't stop mentioning it and saying "oh i'll get it organized soon haha" to the point that its getting on my nerves, especially since she doesn't seem to actually go into work most days.

A few more quick things: I will be laying in bed trying to sleep and instead of going into the bathroom and shutting the door to do her skincare, she will leave the bathroom door open with the light on and sit on her bed to do it instead, which casts that bright light into the entire room. She mumbles constantly, to the point I can hardly understand what she's saying or tell if she's even talking to me at all or to herself.

This next part I may just be paranoid. Her boyfriend has been nice enough but there is just something off about him to me. Every time he is in our place I just have this indescribable feeling of "I have to get away from them." She asked me once initially if it was okay for him to be at our place and I said sure thinking it would be every couple days or so, not every single day. The part where I might be paranoid is that they keep showing up at my internship. Granted, I'm interning at our campus library, but they come here constantly and even the other day when I was somewhere else on campus they somehow "ran into me" there too. I just feel really uncomfortable around them, and I can't really pinpoint exactly why because it's not like they've done anything outright to upset me or be weird.

I move back home next Friday (July 31st) and its safe to say I'm absolutely counting down the days. Today I've even started taking my stuff to my car in (extremely) small batches so I can leave the moment I'm able to.

I've been living with my housemate for a year now and she always has her boyfriend staying over without me even knowing she now has her sister staying over without even telling me as well Her family come up to the house and they all talk smack about Me behind my back even though I'm in the house. I can't even leave my bedroom now to go to the toilet. She makes the house feel like it's her own house, she keeps moving my clothes out the way into an empty room and all, but she leaves her clothes on a rack in Plainview like in the kitchen what can I do? we don't talk much at all now.

i have a roommate who is extremely lazy and dirty, she never cleans or does chores unless i ask and when i do ask it’s a toss up on whether she does them efficiently or even at all. i am 25, she’s 23. when we first moved in i tried it all, a chore chart, a schedule, all of which was ignored. she also fills up the recycling within 2 days with gallons of juice and soda and then never takes it out, always just leaves it to me, and leaves greasy pizza boxes and cardboard to pile up. i am pretty non-confrontational unless i absolutely have to be so i just picked up the cleaning slack for a while, until i got fed up and just stopped cleaning everywhere except my room. it’s disgusting and im miserable, im just trying to grin and bear it until im gone.

i’m moving out in a week and half, she is staying. i’m not sure if she will be getting another roommate or not. would it be a good or bad idea to mention her cleaning habits (or lack thereof) to the landlord before i go? i don’t want to possibly be blamed or charged for cleaning fees when she eventually does move out.

Basically just venting.

I moved to a new city and I had to get a roommate, after looking on Facebook etc for weeks, I found this girl who was looking for a roommate to renew her lease, we agreed to resign together, fast forward to moving in day her boyfriend was there, she introduced him and told me, there is no problem if you bring your significant other here or any guests, but I assumed he was just visiting her or something.

Anyway, it has been two months and he is in the apartment all the time sleeping with her, which I really don't care about.

My issues are, he never cleans after himself specially the restroom ( I am always cleaning the goddamned restroom)

He is there when she is not, at the beginning I thought he would just be there to watch the world cup games, but no, yesterday was my day off and after running some errands all morning I arrived home and started doing my laundry listening to music, I saw some keys on the table and sent my roommate a text "hey you forgot your keys" and she responded "I did, I might knock the door later" so I went about my day. And then her boyfriend comes out of her room.

I know I have to have a conversation with her, but I am not looking forward to her becoming hostile or looking for another place.

😮‍💨😩

Thankfully I am moving out on Friday!
So basically ive been at this apartment since last year, at first I got along with my roommates, but now I dont. I have adhd and sometimes have forgot to throw away my microwave meal box, and usually when I remember to it is already thrown away . There were times I had people over without me telling them, but they also did the same thing so I am unsure why they act like they didnt do it first.
Anyways, I was at my parents for a few weeks and when I got back some of my stuff was missing from the shower, my roommates knifes were not in its set, and I looked around and found they were in the dishwasher, cleaners had come over I believe during the time i was gone and I got accused of touching her stuff. She thought I used her cooking supplies, when I do not cook I always have used microwave meals. She sent me a video of the fridge acting like everything in it was mine when in fact I had only used the left side.

I am genuinely annoyed. 😒. She also accused me of using her utensils, when I have my own. How could I have if I was gone for 3 weeks? I also went out today to buy more trashbags and paper towels so I could throw my trash away. My roommate came back before I got back and then she accused me of being filthy when it was barely anything.

Whenever she has come over when im not home she takes my shower things. Most of my stuff was moved when the cleaners came over like my razor and shampoo but now I feel like that part was my roommate stealing my stuff.

What do I do?

​

I just wanted to vent because this really got on my nerves.

Yesterday, I politely asked my flatmate to return my tawa. I also told her that I don't mind if she uses it once in a while, but if she wants to use it regularly, it'd be better if she bought her own. I wasn't rude or aggressive—I just wanted to set a reasonable boundary.

Instead of responding normally, she texted me:

«"Or sun meri baat ab tu….wash karke Rakhi thi return karna tha Teko to dhoo ke Rakhi thi Mai..Thankyou Bol ri thi ki meko bhuk lagi thi uss din or tu help ki..but as usually u don’t know how to talk. So le Lena wapas kitchen me rakha hai Mai office me hu."»

I genuinely don't understand why some people are always ready to pick a fight.

The frustrating part is that after she spoke to me very rudely once before, I still tried to be helpful. I let her borrow my tawa, helped her clean up when she accidentally left the tap running and the house got flooded, and even overlooked the fact that she'd use my things without asking for permission.

Yet somehow, when I set one simple boundary, I'm the one who "doesn't know how to talk."

I didn't reply because I knew it would only turn into another unnecessary argument. Some people just seem to thrive on conflict, and no matter how politely you speak, they'll twist it into something else.

I know ignoring people like this is probably the best thing to do, but honestly, sometimes it really gets under my skin.

Has anyone else dealt with a flatmate like this? How do you stop letting people like this ruin your mood?

This was back in the 90’s. Needed a roommate for financial reasons. I was starting a business where I sold over the phone. New roommate claimed to be a professional bodyguard. Whatever. Roommate was always on the damn phone. as soon as he was off, it would ring again. Had an extra line installed so I could get work done. First line rang and rang and rang all day and night. Sometimes I’d answer just to get it to stop and it was a girl named “jet”. I asked her to stop calling. She did not stop calling. Roommate became late on rent. When I started insisting, I started to get threatening phone calls from a man with a deep gravelly voice that sounded a lot like my roommate. Went to wal mart and looked at handguns. Then I got a phone bill for over $2000 for 900 number chat lines which were a thing in the 90’s. Got Them reversed and disabled on my account. Roommate finally left. There was dog shit all over his bedroom.

hi everybody. i’ve got a roommate that cooks fish nearly everyday. when she cooks, the smell wafts and permeates through the whole apartment and stays for hours on end. the smell makes me retch and gag. i can hardly put words to explain how overwhelmingly smelly it can get around here. i haven’t yet said anything to her, but our microwave (which she used a whole day ago) smells like it now, and i can’t use it myself.

i’m not sure how to broach the subject kindly with her, and in a way that’s culturally-sensitive. i also don’t want there to be any animosity or bad blood between us from here on out of course, so i wanted to ask if you guys could help me with putting together a message that acknowledges that she’s entitled to cook whatever she pleases, but that it’s also detrimentally impactful to the person she lives with. i’m not sure yet if she’ll take it badly. i’ve had a few issues with her so far, including her tendency to not clean her dishes for days and leaving them soaked in water covering the sink’s drain, not taking out the trash (and with the fish smell too), and using my cooking items and my dish sponge without clearing it with me first. she can also be exceptionally noisy and occasionally inconsiderate.

could you guys let me know what you think? she’s not a bad roommate by any means (it’s definitely too early and rather presumptuous to be making that determination at this point i imagine), but the fish issue is really starting to bother me. i’ve thrown up twice in the past week.

Writing this out right now feels unreal, I didn’t know this was a thing i would experience.

For context, my roommate is really into the muppets, and has a lot of puppets and figures around the house and their car. That’s not the problem at all though, in fact, it’s quite charming to see them make up little characters and do fun voices. Hobbies are harmless and I would never tell anyone what they can and cannot do.

However, during a (roughly) thirty minute drive back home, they pull a puppet out and start practicing a little frog voice. One hand on the wheel, other inside the puppet.

They continue driving and doing voices, constantly taking their hands off the wheel and swerving slightly on the road to play with this frog puppet that came out of nowhere. I understood having hobbies with you at all times in case you have a moment of free time, but while driving??

Would this not be distracted driving?? Am I being extremely dramatic?? They say they’ve been doing this for weeks “just to get some extra practice in”
I’m just confused as to why someone would feel the need to do it so often, even in the car on the road.

Am i weird for wanting to say something?? Like, They weren’t paying attention to the road at all, and honestly didn’t seem to think it was a big deal at ALL. Any insight on this at all???

(I had to sneak a picture of the puppet i was talking about for context)

TL;DR: Roommate doesn't trust me and other roommate anymore and is being controlling about guests/going out as a result

This is a long story but stick with me please. I (21F) live with three other girls (fake names) Abby, Riley, and Clare (21/20/21F). Clare does not like to go out but me, Abby, and Riley do. One night last year, Riley got pretty drunk and wanted to go home with this guy but her phone was dead and we told her it wasn’t safe. She tried to leave with him secretly a few times but we redirected them - overall, Riley was determined to go home with him. Another friend suggested that Riley and the guy come to our shared apartment instead, so Riley could charge her phone and it would be safer. Me and Abby said yes, not thinking much of it but we just wanted to make sure she was safe. So Riley, Abby, and I went back to our apartment and the guy left an hour later.

The next morning I was telling Clare what happened and she burst into tears. She was really upset that there was a man in our apartment while she was sleeping and she didn’t know about. We had a roommate meeting and talked about the incident. Riley and Clare did not see eye to eye about it but Riley agreed to not bring a guy over again without notice. Clare said she had broke her trust and caused her a lot of anxiety, which we all understood and apologized for.

The next few weekends when we went out, Clare would text me and Abby (her friendship with Riley was kind of over atp) about what time we were coming home and that she didn’t trust that we wouldn’t bring a guy home with us. We reassured her but she stayed up in the living room until we got home and when we walked in the door she would go upstairs without saying anything to any of us, in tears.

A few weeks after the incident, Clare was giving me and Abby the silent treatment. When I asked her privately if she wanted to talk, she said that we didn’t seem to care about what happened anymore (because we were still going out) and when me, Abby, and Riley of us were laughing like nothing had happened, it made her upset. She said she had lost trust in me and that she needed space.

So for the next two months, me and Clare did not really talk despite living in the same room. Then one day she texted and said that she actually did trust me. When we talked about it in person, she said the three of us made her feel weird for not drinking. When I asked how we did that, she said she didn’t know and it wasn’t anything specific, she just felt that way. After that, we started talking more but our relationship was definitely still strained and not as close as it was before.

Now we are living in different rooms (me in my own room and Clare and Abby in another, Riley moved out). I have a friend who doesn’t live close to downtown like I do, so when we go out I offer to let her sleep over in my room with me (which is private and not shared anymore). Whenever I ask the group chat if my friend can stay over, Clare asks a lot of questions about what we’re doing/where we’ll be in the apartment and is always very reluctant and defensive. It makes me resent her because she is trying to have control over the entire apartment and who is in it, even if it’s just a friend in my own room. If she’s not in class, she’s on the couch in the living room studying and doesn’t leave much, so it feels like she’s taking over the common spaces as well. She talks to me and Abby like she’s our parent and not a fellow roommate.

I understand that she anxiety about her boundaries being crossed, but I don’t think me wanting to have a friend that she has met before over is crossing them. I’m starting to really resent her and her need for control over everything and it’s making me not want to talk to her at all.

Should I bring this up as her friend or do I just let it go until she moves out and I don’t have to see her anymore? Is this fixable?

For context, I (23F) made a post on reddit a few weeks ago about my roommate (fake name) John (27M). I explained how I left my roommates rubbish out as I was sick of doing their jobs for them, and left my other roommate a letter asking for contribution to the household chores. Everyone in the comments basically said I was the issue and needed to have a conversation with them instead of being petty- to clarify, I have had a conversation with them previously, but I have also gone ahead and had another one.

So here is where I am currently at. I had a discussion with John about 2 weeks ago after I made my initial post, I apologised for being petty and took responsibility for not having another conversation about household responsibilities and expectations. The discussion went horribly— I tried to stay passive to avoid conflict but a majority of the conversation was my roommate deflecting and attacking me for things that were either untrue or twisted (in which I have proof of as I have been documenting everything if I need it in the future). I recommended a cleaning roster (1 job once or twice a week in a shared area- clean floors, wipe benches, wipe down bathroom, etc), John stated he would be happy to do one but it’s easier to just move out. He said a roster just forces people to clean even though we all have different life schedules and it just wouldn’t work, I said I’m happy not to do a roster but I’d like to see more effort into cleaning more often and cleaning up after ourselves (myself included), he agreed and said he was glad I came to him to have the conversation.

In addition, he asked me to communicate with him if I wanted him to do a job. This is where I’m frustrated, I feel like I should not hold responsibility over his inability to clean up after himself (I’m talking a bowl or two sitting unwashed for almost 2 weeks now). In addition to that, he has eyes and a brain, if you fill the bins just empty them. If you are a mess on the bench or floor, just clean it. If you use a dish, just wash it. All of these jobs combined would take no more than 5 minutes. At this point I think he is just not washing his dishes out of spite, but I have no idea and don’t want to make assumptions.

I don’t like taking sh*t from people, and I’m not afraid to be petty and ass in retaliation. I’ve tried being mature, I’ve tried having conversations, and I’m just at whits end with all of this BS. He clearly lives in a world where he thinks being busy means a cleaning fairy comes and does it for him.

Would i be the asshole if i told my landlord I’m uncomfortable living with him? Do i just wait and hope he moves out like he claims, or suck it up until the end of the year when i’m moving out anyways? Do i attempt having another conversation with him, knowing nothing will change? I really don’t know what to do, it was never my intention to make him feel like he needed to move out but it makes me feel grateful that it’s something he’s considering, i just want this mess to be over with.

TLDR: roommate doesn’t clean up after himself and rarely contributes to cleaning, he requested i have a conversation with him every time i want him to clean up after himself or do the bare minimum of shared jobs in the house.

I live with two other guys and one of them recently started taking the toilet seat off before he goes to bed. Not lifting it, actually unscrewing the whole thing and bringing it into his bedroom.

Apparently he bought the seat himself after the old one cracked, so he says its technically his property. He also says we sit on it too hard and move around too much while sitting, which is supposedly damaging the hinges. We offered to pay him for our share but now he says it isnt about the money, its about us learning to respect stuff. I have money so I could just buy another one, but then we'd apparently have two competing toilet seats in the apartment.

Every morning he puts it back before work like this is a normal routine. I knocked on his door because I needed to use the bathroom the other night and he handed it to me without saying anything. Our third roommate thinks we should stop reacting because the attention is encouraging him. Has anyone dealt with somebody who creates completely unnecessary systems like this?

So my “roommate” is technically my step sister, my mom and I moved in with her and her dad about a year and a half ago. I am 19F, and she is 17F. When we first moved in, I deep cleaned the bathroom we share because it was HORRIBLE. Mountains of clothes lining the walls, random trash all over the floor (including USED piercing needles). She also never cleans her room or washes her bedding, never washes her dishes after cooking which creates more work for either me, my mom, or her dad, and hides dirty dishes in her room when she doesn’t feel like bringing them out and cleaning them. Oh, and she also stole $100 from my drawer once while I wasn’t home. Denied it when questioned about it, but we know it was her for many reasons. One of them being she once stole $500 from her dad’s room and he said himself she would definitely steal from me too. He replaced the money she took, but then a few days later, my little sister and I were counting the money in her piggy bank and I found a $100 bill (like the one that went missing from my drawer…). I asked my mom if she put that in there and she said no but she bets my step sister did.

Now to get on to the current problem. We still are sharing a bathroom, which I deep clean at least once a week and I really try to always keep tidy and sanitary. Every time I clean, without fail, she’s left her hair all over nearly every surface in the bathroom within like an hour. It’s on the counter, in the sink, all over the shower, on the toilet, on the floor, on my shower products, sometimes in my drawers on my stuff. She NEVER cleans it up. Now for the trash can. I always have to be the one who empties the trash, she will never ever do it. Even if it’s overflowing, she will just continue to pile more on until it’s not even in the trash can anymore because it just falls around the trash can since there’s NO ROOM. I’ll try to hold out sometimes and see if she’ll just do it eventually because she’s sick of the overflowing garbage, but NOPE. I always have to cave and do it myself because I don’t enjoy someone else’s used period products all over the floor 🫩. I have also recently discovered she uses my shower products, which I suspected because for months she hasn’t brought a new body wash or bar of soap into the shower. I confirmed it when she threw away an old unraveled loofa, and while picking it up as it didn’t even make it fully into the trash can, I distinctly smelled my body wash on it. Now I would not care about this so much if she was just occasionally borrowing some when she was out of her own, but it peeves me so so bad because she’s always asking my mom to drive her to stores so she can go in and buy stuff, and that stuff NEVER includes a new body wash??

Lastly, food. She has pretty different food preferences than I do, so there’s not usually problems in this area but there is one thing that happened a couple days ago. I bake a lot and I will sometimes get my own butter to use so I don’t use up all the extra expensive butter that my mom’s bf buys. Not that he has ever said anything if I do use some to bake but I know it is expensive so I feel bad using very large quantities at once for baked goods as he doesn’t even eat sweets. Anyway, I bought a new pack to use for my baking recently and put it in the back of the fridge. Mind you there is many sticks of the other butter in the door of the fridge. But one night instead of using that, she decides to reach to the back of the fridge, open my brand new pack of butter, and use some for her food. I questioned my mom to make sure it wasn’t her or her bf and she said it wasn’t. And I believe her because her and her bf very obviously prefer the one type of butter he gets for their food. I know this probably doesn’t seem that crazy, but on top of everything else I feel like this girl is trying to piss me off. After I discovered that, I took the box and wrote “for BAKING” all over it and shoved it to the back of the fridge again. I might sound pretty crazy for that one but I swear I’m just extremely fed up. She doesn’t have a job, and when she’s in school she’s on independent study. She rarely leaves the house, but rather sits in her room 90% of the days and nights playing video games, talking on the phone with friends, and vaping. I can’t talk too much shit on this at the moment as I am typically a heavy weed smoker, enjoy video games, and currently searching for a new job, but I take pride in still being productive around the house even when I’m out of work. I know that she struggles with her mental health and she has experienced loss somewhat recently. This makes me hesitant to say anything to her because I don’t want to be completely insensitive, but I just feel like that’s no reason she can’t clean up after herself considering she has the energy to shower, cook, pierce herself, tattoo herself, hang out with friends sometimes, play video games all day and night, talk on the phone most hours of the day, etc. Let me know if I’m not being sensitive enough about that, I just feel like she could be doing more than absolutely nothing if that makes sense.

I haven’t said anything to her about these things because I don’t know how, if I should, or if she would even care. If anything, I feel like it would just piss her off and she’d feel more inclined to make my life hell. Am I crazy? What should I do?

tldr - my roommate takes up space and i can’t and she sends angry texts and kicks me out of the bathroom and that makes me have a hard time so i need help

my roommate (21f) has led me (18f, level 2 autistic) to have a lot of issues

sorry if i have bad spelling or grammar i have a learning disability that makes writing or typing very hard and bad, but talking is fine

i was supposed to get an apartment to myself as an accommodation but they didn’t give me that because they say there is not room right now

i take less than ten minutes in the morning and 20 minutes at night in the bathroom. i have a very strict routine when i am in there and i must do everything in order and in one session.

my roommate is in the bathroom for over an hour in morning and night and has longer times she goes in and out of the bathroom.

i get kicked out of the bathroom a lot even if i am showering when she yells at me through the door and bangs on it saying to get out now

i have meltdowns when my routines go wrong and i get those every time it happens. when i get meltdowns i am supposed to take a sedative because i can fall to the floor or scream or break things or punch on the wall or bite myself without realizing and my doctors don’t want that. because this happens a lot i usually struggle to do things the rest of the day because the sedatives make my brain feel fuzzy

she gets mad at me on texts a lot because of things. i can’t use spaces out of my room but she is allowed to. i have all of my own things like a trash can and paper towels and plates and toilet paper and food and soap and a vacuum but she tells me i need to give them to her or take out her trash. i am confused because i don’t use hers because i haves my own and i take mine out every day at 7:45pm so it stays clean.

i don’t use her thing s because i have mine. i told her i have my things and they are mine and she has her things and they are hers and i don’t use her things.

she is scary and i am scared to leave my room because i cant have my things out of my room and i get kicked out of bathroom. i got a small fridge in my room and a crock pot i use for all of my food and plates and food are stored in here because i have airtight plastic containers for food not in my fridge.

but everything can not get cooked in a crock pot, and im very anxious and not hungry too and i have lost ten pounds from not eating and ive lived here for eight weeks and two days.

i have gone days no showers because i know i will get told to get out or i go to my parents house to shower. i have water wipes i use in my room when i need. i don’t leave my room anymore unless i go to class or therapy or go to the bathroom in a public bathroom

trying to move out but they don’t have apartments that are empty that i can go to so they say that i need to stay. can’t move in with parents because i signed where it says i must stay until august.

i am nice to her and i do things to help my autism so occupational therapy and behavior therapy and medication and i saw speech therapist when i was young. i don’t direct bad things at her too

i am not doing good with mental health and this makes it like that. i cry every day. please help me i don’t know what to do. had a meltdown half an hour ago and my sedative is working so it’s making me fall asleep so bye i’ll post this how it is and respond in the morning good night friends

TLDR: moved abroad and ended up with roommates who constantly talk down to me, call me "little girl", laugh at me, track my food and give me unsolicited diet advice and make me feel like i'm 14 instead of 24

i just moved to spain last week to study abroad for summer as part of my degree. my roommates are in their late 20s doing stem phds. i'm 24 (almost 25), studying languages after previously studying astrophysics. there's barely an age gap, but every interaction makes me feel so small. it's never one massive thing, it's just loads of little things that keep happening.

for example:

- if i ask a question i get this really patronising "yeah..." or "well obviously..." tone, like i'm stupid for not knowing something about a country i literally moved to a week ago.

- i'm studying to become an interpreter and i speak spanish to a high level, but whenever i speak spanish with them they suddenly act like they can't understand me. locals have no issue with my spanish tho

- they call me "little girl" or "the kid", pat me on the head because i'm short (again, weird, i am a grown woman) and if i disagree with them they explain that i'll understand when i'm older ???

- they called me an alcoholic because i had one beer watching the world cup final (we're in spain...)

- laughed about me being broke even though it's because of the way my study abroad loan is paid

- make comments like "she's alive!" if i come out of my room later because i take evening classes and study into the night.

- they keep giving me unsolicited advice about my diet / body / routine because unlike them i don't wake up at 4am to run a 10k each morning and sue me! sometimes i want a little jamón or tortilla!!

- one of my roommates goes through my grocery shopping and the kitchen trash and gives me feedback on what's healthy, tells me he knows what i eat every day, what would be a better substitute... again unsolicited. i must add i am literally not overweight

what gets to me most is the way they look at each other and laugh after i say something, or sometimes i say something and they just don't respond at all.
i know none of these things sound that serious on their own, but together they make me feel really small and embarrassed. i've started second guessing everything i say because i'm expecting to be spoken to like i'm an idiot.

also i can't even leave. 😃 i've already paid the rent, and until the rest of my university loan comes through i genuinely can't afford to move somewhere else. i'm also too broke to spend all day in cafés just to get out of the flat, so i end up hiding in my room. but then i just feel really really REALLY lonely.

i've only been here a week and i already feel so isolated. i keep wondering if i've done something to make them dislike me because i don't understand why they treat me like this, like am i overreacting or would anyone else find this upsetting????

This happened over ten years ago. I was the the leaseholder on a 4-bed in Brooklyn, and on the plus side it made it really cheap for me. On the downside, lots of dealing with just absolutely moronic young people.

Had one roommate, P. P said she had cancer before but was in remission, whatever I don't judge.

Few months go by, she seems like an okay roommate. Then out of nowhere, she just disappears a few days before the month's end. Texts me at the start of the month:

" I have cancer again, I will be staying with my boss, can you cover my rent for a few weeks?"

Okay, fine. I say she has until mid month to catch up. Mid month comes, crickets. Just nothing. So I let her know that if I don't hear from her by the last week of that month, I am tossing all her shit out and re-renting the room. So I do exactly that.

HOLY FUCK. i enter her room, this is the scene:

1. Her mirror is broken all over the floor.

2. There are cigarette butts everywhere.

3. Dirty (but designer) clothing everywhere.

4. Worst part: in the corner, there is a contractor bag absolutely full of dirty dishes and food. Above, a cloud of maybe 500 fruit flies.

Well, I had no choice but get to work. Bought duct tape, a box full of contractor bags, and bug killer. Improvised a biohazard suit, and started vacuuming up all the fruit flies.

All in all, took about 10+ hours to clean the room, 25+ bags full of trash and clothing on the curb. I figured she died and no one had my info to let me know.

Nope, a month later my other roomie approaches me and goes '"hey I saw her working at some shit jewelry store in Manhattan, she seemed perfectly fine.

TL;DR: roommate left a nightmare of a space to clean, I thought she died but she was just mentally ill.

Had $280 deposit lost $80 cos of clean up cos roommate left kitchen a mess, left stuff in the freezer and it was mess. I moved out early and they were the last one in the house. That’s each and there was 4 others. So annoyed 😤

Shared house. Never moving in with roomates again

I recently moved into my college hostel, and my roommates are making my life an absolute nightmare due to a total lack of boundaries and basic maturity. I used to get a healthy night of sleep by 11:00 PM after closing my dad's store, but these guys stay up all night blast-playing mobile games like Free Fire with loud gunshots, taking phone calls at 1:00 AM, and even weeping loudly for hours over relationship drama. When I politely asked them to keep the noise down, one roommate completely overreacted, repeated the noise on purpose, and claimed I was discriminating against him.

To make matters worse, that same kid is in my college class and sits right next to me. He constantly yells, swears during phone calls, and interrupts lectures to the point that both I and the professors are completely pissed off—yet he lacks any accountability, acts like a victim, and claims the faculty is "targeting" him.

On top of the noise and classroom disruptions, our living conditions are unbearable. They treat our shared room like a total dumpster by throwing clothes, biscuit wrappers, and candy packages all over the floor. Worse yet, they frequently sit on my bed with their dirty feet, forcing me to clean off the grime every single night just to lie down.

Between the complete lack of hygiene, the severe sleep deprivation, and the other roommate only inviting me out to take cringe Instagram pictures of them smoking cigarettes, I am completely overwhelmed with stress. I am literally posting this at 2:00 AM just seeking some advice from anyone who has survived a situation like this.

The Dorm Situation

I recently started college and moved into a hostel. At first, my roommates seemed neutral and harmless. However, they make an unbelievable amount of noise at night, keeping me awake. One roommate plays mobile games like Free Fire at midnight with loud gunshots and commentary. I used to go to bed by 11:00 PM after working part-time at my dad's store, but their 1:00 AM phone calls are driving me crazy. When I asked them to be quiet, one roommate overreacted, repeated the noise, and accused me of looking down on them.

The Classroom Issue

To make matters worse, that same roommate is also in my college class and sits right next to me. He yells constantly during lectures, which annoys both me and our professors. He also makes cringe-worthy jokes and swears constantly, falsely

The Classroom and Roommate Disruptions

Classroom Behavior: The same roommate who disrupts my sleep sits next to me in class. He constantly yells during lectures, swearing during 90% of his phone calls, and making cringey jokes that annoy both me and the professors.

Victim Mentality: He was recently reprimanded by the hostel warden for making excessive noise, but he lacks accountability and claims that the wardens and professors are intentionally "targeting" him.

Late-Night Crying: After an issue with his girlfriend, he wept loudly for hours in the middle of the night like a toddler. Personally, I don't even think a freshman needs to focus on having a relationship.

Social Dynamics and Room Conditions

Cringe Social Media: My other roommate only invites me out to act as a photographer. He expects me to walk around doing nothing while watching them smoke cigarettes and taking pictures of them for cringe-worthy Instagram posts.

Filthy Living Space: They leave the room incredibly messy by throwing clothes, biscuit wrappers, candy packages, and food crumbs all over the floor.

Boundary Violations: Worst of all, they frequently sit on my bed with their dirty feet, forcing me to clean off the dirt and debris every single night before I can even think about going to sleep.

Severe Sleep Deprivation: Between the gaming, late-night calls, crying, and mess, I am completely sleep-deprived and dying of stress. I am literally writing posts on Reddit at 2:00 AM because I cannot sleep.

I recently got into college and I initially thought these guys were fine, until I got into an absolute mess of kinds of people.

I got to my room (college hostel) and then my general impression of them was absolutely nothing, not aggressive, not harmless not harmful, just neutral, but both of them make so much noise during night you would absolutely not believe it.

I hear stupid sounds on one person's phone, like freefire gameplay, like gunshots and the encouraging commentator on it screaming "double kill" at 12am.

I am a night owl kind of person but that's only because I work heavy when I work part time by closing my dad's store and I had my healthy natural sleep by going to bed by 11.

Then the phone calls at 1am would drive me nuts, i seriously did not get with it, I tried telling them to cut the noise a bit and then proceed to make the same noise again and that kid overreacts a real lot, he thinks I think of them as insects and no I never discriminate anyone but I will not tolerate such bullshit behaviour.

This same kid is in my class and he yells almost all the time and i sit next to him, which already pisses me and even the professors off. Cringe jokes are fine not a lot of people can be funny i guess, but constant swearing as well makes him think he's funny. That's 90% of his phone calls (swearing).

He already got told off by the warden for making noise like a monkey, but apparently almost all the professors and wardens are "targetting" him. This word drives me nuts.

His girlfriend apparently didn't talk to him and he wept for hours in the middle of the night like a toddler and I didn't really care because I don't think a girlfriend is necessary at an age of a freshman.

The other roommate calls me to hang out with them only to walk and do nothing and watch them smoke cigarettes and take pictures of them to post stories and posts for instagram absolute cringe by the way and I have to remention their posts and whatever nonsense. And the worst part is the room is barely clean, I don't care if they don't clean but making a mess and throwing clothes on the ground and biscuit wrappers and candy bar packages and crumbs. And sometimes they sit with their dirty feet on my bed and I have to get all the dirt off before sleeping because of their blasphemy.

I'm probably gonna die of stress at this rate, I'm literally seeking help, by posting this very reddit post at 2 am just because I can't sleep because of these folks.

Anyone got a situation with me, reply like this place is a campfire.