I’m dealing with a situation that’s slowly wearing me down, and I’m hoping someone here has experience with a similar personality type.
A colleague of mine, let’s call him Mark, was always hyper-competitive, even when we were peers. He measured everything against others, but what always stood out was how extremely guarded he was about his personal life. Zero sharing. Deflects every casual question. You can work next to him for years and know absolutely nothing real about him.
Fast forward: Mark got promoted and is now my direct manager.
Since then, it’s become unbearable. He scrutinizes every single thing I do. He watches my screen, notes tiny mistakes, and questions decisions that don’t need questioning. He’s incredibly observant, almost in a predatory way, and he clearly enjoys catching me off guard. The worst part? The smirk. That little quiet chuckle he does when he realises he knows something I don’t, or when he’s been proven “right.” It’s a smug “gotcha” reaction that makes my skin crawl. He’s cunning. He’s never openly hostile, always polite enough to stay out of trouble, but you can feel the mental chess game constantly running.
He still shares absolutely nothing about himself outside work, which makes him impossible to read or connect with on any human level. It’s all business on the surface, but with this constant undercurrent of competition and control.
For a long time I had this creeping feeling of being watched and controlled even at home, like he somehow had eyes everywhere. It sounds paranoid, but it eventually came out that colleagues are actually going to him and reporting generic stuff about me. He’s so observant and silent that he plants these suggestions and manages to destabilise people without raising his voice. One thing I have figured out, though: the moment his ego is touched, he absolutely loses it and gets furious.
I’m not trying to outplay him, I just want to do my job without feeling watched and silently judged all day. The smirking especially gets under my skin in a way I didn’t expect.
Have you ever worked with or for someone like this? How did you handle it practically and mentally? Any scripts or mindset shifts that helped you stay sane would be really appreciated.