I found out I was pregnant this past Monday and have a medication abortion scheduled for tomorrow. I don’t have anyone in my life to talk to about it, but love THT and am hoping some fellow listeners will have words of wisdom.

I’m 25f, fiancé is 26m. He has been nothing but supportive through the process, but admitted to me today that he’s starting to feel emotional and connected to the idea of being a dad. He didn’t say this to try to convince me to change my mind, just to be honest about how he’s feeling. He’s still on board with my decision, just sad about the situation.

Meanwhile, there is not a single cell in my body who wants this baby. I have been bedridden sick for days, and all I have time to do is sit around thinking how much I DON’T want to be a mom.

I don’t know if I’m selfish or just a bad woman. Has anyone else had an abortion and felt literally 0 attachment to the “fetus”? (I don’t even want to use that word because the US measured it at 6 weeks & 3mm which is like a few grains of sand and definitely not a living being yet)

I’m not looking for moral judgment from people who disagree with my choice. Just some validation that I’m not making a terrible decision.

Me: 41f

Ex: 41M

Daughter: 10f

I am going to try to make things as simple as possible to not influence the vote by posting the text conversation between my ex and me. For the necessary backstory, my daughter has chronic constipation. This event happened on Friday, July 10th. My daughter was scheduled to spend the next week (July 12-July 19) with her dad. I can address any requests for additional info if needed.

Text Conversation:

Me Friday, July 10, 7:50 pm: [Daughter] has complained about a slight belly ache since yesterday. Today at dinner she started saying it hurts when she breathes. We are currently at the ER (we tried urgent care but they are closed). She is doing okay, but her stomach still hurts, and she can't take deep breaths without pain. I will keep you updated when we get more info.

No response from Ex

Me Friday, July 10, 9:30 pm: We just got back from the ER, they did xrays and she is constipated again, and maybe has a UTI. She has to take a cap full of MiraLax every day until she passes everything out and will need a follow up with her pediatrician on Monday. I dont think she has a UTI (they diagnosed that last time too and it ended up being wrong), but if she starts having to pee too much or it burns when she pees we have a prescription for an antibiotic she will need to have filled. They are also going to check the urine culture to see for sure if there is an infection and let us know. She will also have to make sure to be drinking a lot to keep from being dehydrated, Gatorade is probably the best bet. I'll have all of the paperwork and antibiotic prescription for you when you pick her up on Sunday. You should be able to call her doctor Monday morning to make her a follow up appointment.

No response from Ex

Me Sunday, July 12, 12:05 pm: Just a reminder that [Daugher's] medical paperwork is in her bag with instructions on taking care of her this week. Let me know what her doctor says after her follow up visit.

Ex Sunday, July 12, 1:34 pm: Where was her medicine packed?

Me Sunday, July 12, 2:38 pm: What medicine?

Ex Sunday, July 12, 2:42 pm: Does she not have medicine she needs to take?

Me Sunday, July 12, 2:49 pm: The only thing she needs now is the MiraLax, they prescribed an antibiotic if she does have a UTI, but she hasn't shown symptoms of that yet (peeing a lot or burning while she pees). I didnt get that prescription filled yet because she might not need it (its stapled to her paperwork).

Me Tuesday, July 14, 9:26 am: I just got the info back that [Daugher] does NOT have a UTI, so she doesn't need the antibiotic. Were you able to schedule [her] follow up?

Ex Tuesday, July 14, 12:10 pm: I have not.

Me Tuesday, July 14, 12:30 pm: Okay, please get that scheduled today, after ER visits its usually pretty easy to get worked in, they would probably be able to see you today or tomorrow.  

Ex Tuesday, July 14, 7:24 pm: Appointment Friday @ 3

Me Friday, July 17, 8:45 pm: What did the doctor say at [Daugher's] appointment?

Ex Friday, July 17, 9:08 pm: Unfortunately I missed the appointment

Me Friday, July 17, 9:10 pm: Why?

Ex Saturday, July 18 12:38 am:  My alarm for it wasn't on, or I slept through it. I've been asking her daily about it, she says shes feeling fine.

Me Saturday, July 18, 7:29 am: She can feel fine and still be becoming dehydrated. That's why she need a follow up to do another urine test. She usually feels fine up until she can't breathe and we have to go to the ER.  

 Me Saturday, July 18, 8:09 am: You can bring her to urgent care today for the follow up and ask they do a urine test.

Me Saturday, July 18, 6:56 pm: Is there any update from Urgent Care about [Daughter']s follow up? 

Ex Saturday, July 18, 7:03 pm:  I'm at work, I was unable to take her. I am off Monday and Tuesday, so I can take her those days, or I can drop her off earlier tomorrow and you can.

Me Saturday, July 18, 7:19 pm: Ex, I need you to know how serious this is. What you are doing is called medical neglect. Its part of a pattern, like canceling dentist appointments so she can play Roblox, or not taking her to the doctor and only giving her cough medicine when she has a serious fever. While she is in your care you are responsible to figure out how to give her the care she needs, especially a doctor ordered follow up for an issue that was impairing her ability to breathe. Not only is medical neglect a form of child abuse, it is also in violation of our parenting plan and being in contempt of court. You will take her to urgent care tomorrow before you drop her off to me.  

Ex Sunday, July 19, 2:17pm: [Daughter] shown no issues with breathing while in my care. I do care for someone with serious medical problems, my wife, and have done so since last September. My time with [Daugher] is limited due to my work schedule. I try to spend as much meaningful time with her as possible. If you're home I can bring her home now and you can do what you feel is best.

Me Sunday, 2:21 pm: If you can bring her home now you can take her to urgent care now. I am not home.
And no, you dropped [Daughter] off with a fever of 102. You didnt give her appropriate medication or take her to the doctor then. The fact that you have the capacity to take care of someone while activily refusing to take care of [daughter] is absolutely beyond me. Just take her to the doctor.

*He finally takes her to urgent care* She tested positive again for a UTI and was dehydrated.

Me: Tuesday, July 21, 11:34 am: I brought [Daughter] to a follow up today with her pediatrician.

She doesn't have a UTI, but even after drinking water and gatorade for the past two days she is still dehydrated, which means she had been becoming severely dehydrated over the past week. She is also still slightly constipated, which I thought was strange, but then [she] informed us that you never gave her any MiraLax the full week she was there. So now she needs a cap full of MiraLax everyday for the next month to get her system back on track. We have to go to another follow up in a month.

Hi, im 27yo. My mom is F 62 (I think). To say that my childhood was rough would be an understatement, I think people are in mental hospitals for less. I was born late because my parents weren't planning on having children until after my dad's (M 200 something Ive lost count) son from his first marriage died, did a Kurt Cobain being just a teenager.

When I was like 10 my dad cheated (of course) but my dad comes from a rich family and rich people can't have normal problems, so it was about a year of turmoil, Until my dad finally left us alone, he is still living with his affair partner.

After that my mom had my whole life planned for me and would absolutely freak out if things went out of her control. She refused to redo her life, only to show my dad and people who left her after my dad left, that she could raise me alone. She to this day still says she's proud that never gave me a step dad.

Every time I didn't do something she approved of or I didn't perform well at school or had any problem, would scream at me, tell me I'm gonna be just like my dad, there was a point in time she would compare me to him daily for things like not making my bed.

For a while she was proud of my achievements, until I failed 2nd year of law school. I was underperforming, anxious, depressed, and she would scream at me almost daily for not "valuing her efforts". I did that 2nd year a second time and I did even worse, since then I stopped studying, and since then, my mom has told me I failed in life.

Now you have the backstory, so to the present, I'm queer, I'm a trans woman, and I've been transitioning since December 2024. Of course I didn't tell my mom, I was planning on telling her on my own terms, but I was forcibly outed while I was traveling to the other side of the country in June 2025. I'm sure it was my ex, because I broke up with him the day before I traveled. I came back home with a confrontation by my mom, to find out she broke into my room, threw my clothes into the trash, and hid many of my belongings, Luckily I was able to recover most of it, but still, it is awful and she sees nothing wrong with that.

I tried to give her time and explain my dysphoria, queer concepts and history, even with a literal Slideshow I did myself. It didn't work. She has gotten so resentful. She one night sat me down with a notebook and listed the many reasons why I'm a failure in life since I was 18, adding that now I'm a failure because I'm her words "you decided to sexualize everything and hang out with (slurs)".

She even made a "compromise" by giving me a list of conditions under which she would accept my transition, such as, having a degree useful to society, become rich and famous so I don't have to be around the street "looking like that" and pay for my transition out of pocket.

On September of 2025 I went to the capital of my country and stayed at the home of a trans friend I've met online, and it was great, I felt free for the first time in my life, she is amazing, is now my best friend, I've met other trans people and was even able to build a chosen family. I was there for a month and when I came back home, I cried daily for months.

I have some friends In my city and they have helped me, but this is a conservative small city where a lot of people know me and my mom, and I feel like I can't escape her shadow.

I've been depressed since I was a teenager, my worst depression was the one I had at uni, but my depression has been getting so much worse as time passes. I planned on living with my friend at the capital, but I haven't been able to, something always comes up and now, our country was hit with twin earthquakes, which obviously made everything worse. My friends are ok tho.

My depression got so bad. I don't see a future, I spent so much energy in staying alive and that is also jeopardizing my job. I'm seeing a psychiatrist and on medication so I'm more stable now, but the thoughts sometimes come back.

My mom is ashamed of me, she had said that I went to the capital to "dress as a girl to shame her" and that people who know me for my deadname has "casted me out but don't wanna tell me".

She says she is tired of "having compassion for everyone but nobody understands her" that my betrayal is the worst she had in her life, even worse than my father's. She said "I worked so hard to raise you only for you to ruin your life like this"

I am tired, of walking on eggshells, of hiding myself, I fear planning for the future because I feel it won't ever happen. I wanna start from zero in another city but I haven't been able to, I find one dead end after another.

Now, what I wanna ask if I should be more graceful to her, I may give up to try have some kind of peace, I'm just tired, she is so nice when I do something she approves of, maybe put everything on hold and plan something, even if it looks like I'm caving. What if some people are never meant to be themselves?

Sorry for the long text.

TLDR: I'm doing my gender transition, but my mom says she's ashamed of me, that I betrayed her, I wanna re start my life far away from her but I haven't been able to, I'm tired of fighting and maybe I should give up on everything to try be at peace with her.

Throwaway account because I don’t want this person to know I posted about them on my main reddit.
I paid a close friend to check in on my two cats (5 years old, indoor cats) while I was out of state. For context, this person has 3 cats of their own that are well cared for. I paid them 150 for 4 days of drop-in visits. Instructions were to feed them twice a day, including their supplements, check their water fountain levels (they have one in the bedroom and one in the living room), engage in some play, and clean their litter boxes when needed (3 in total across the house). I turned my A/C down to 75 but left it on because we were experiencing a heatwave in my state before I left.
I don’t think I’ve ever been more dumbfounded and upset than when I came home. My A/C had been COMPLETELY turned off (I have an older thermostat and it had been switched to “off”). The inside of my place was 86 degrees. My cats were yowling at me the second I walked through the front door. Their litter boxes were filthy and appeared to not have been touched. I trusted this person and considered them a friend.
Furthermore, things were unplugged and they had left me a mess. Empty tube treats left out to spoil in the heat on my kitchen counter versus in the kitchen trash can. Wet cat food splashed up the side of my kitchen wall/fridge.
Nothing was missing or damaged (thankfully) but to say I’m pissed off is a massive understatement. They checked in daily to say the cats had been fed and sent pictures but never asked permission before touching my A/C. They never even informed me that they had turned it off.
What the hell do I do? I’ve stopped talking to this person but I’m still infuriated that this even happened. I have no idea how to proceed. I would have never done this to their babies and I’m sickened that they thought it was ok to do to mine.

I (F20) met this guy on Instagram (M22), let’s call him Jake, about 6 months ago. I’m in Canada and am moving from a different province for my college program. Jake lives in that province about a 30 minute drive away from my campus. Originally it was just friendly, but it turned into more than that. We consistently FaceTimed and texted everyday for the entire 6 months. Great communication, we had our arguments and what not, but overall our personalities meshed super well together. I felt like I could be myself completely when talking to him.

We had outlined our relationship as “long distance” even though we had never met in person before. It was easiest that way because we agreed we were exclusively only talking to each other and had plans to be together when I moved. I had planned a trip to Ontario as I was allowed to stay on campus, and wanted to get a feel for how big my dorms were going to be. Part of this trip was also of course to finally spend time with him and see if we were actually fitting together well for a relationship.

He picks me up at the airport, and we spend hours together. It feels just as it’s felt the entire 6 months, and we can’t keep our hands off each other. He voices multiple times how beautiful I am and how he sees this genuinely going somewhere. I stay over at his house the first night of my trip, and we hookup…multiple times🤣. Now obviously I’m not naive, and know that even if we hook up that doesn’t mean that he’s not going to change his mind and ghost me the next day. But it was consensual on both sides, we were obviously feeling each other and you know how it goes. I woke up the next day to him kissing me on the forehead and pulling the blanket up over me…so cute! He then says he has to pick up some groceries for breakfast and I go with him, however THIS is where the weird vibes start happening. First he says I should put on some concealer because I look tired after I was deciding whether it was worth it to put any on for a grocery store run…ouch, didn’t know I looked too tired to be in public with you with a natural face😭. Then at the store he parks, gets out of the car, and doesn’t even wait for me to get my leg out of the door before starting to walk towards the entrance. I get out of the car and speed walk to catch up, but even inside he seems to be walking in front of me. I will admit, my demeanour changed slightly as I noticed this. I’ve had exes do this because they were “embarrassed” to be seen with me. I mean…I’m not ugly if he was all over me and talking to me for 6 months…so why would he be acting like this?

We get back to his house, and he was still kind of off but joking around with me acting a bit more like he was the previous day. I brush it off as maybe he just wanted to get groceries and go, we spend more time together. After that, we’re just sort of chilling and I ask him, “are you sure you couldn’t feel my IUD at any point?”. Feeling the plastic of an IUD means it’s shifted out of place and can damage my cervix and means it’s not as effective, and I asked him once last night when he said no. He then said “yeah I could, every time we had sex”….meaning he lied about something obviously important, and claimed he didn’t tell the truth because “it wasn’t something I could control”. He then wanted to have sex again, but unfortunately when I went to pee, I could smell myself a little…ladies will know what I mean. My pH was thrown off because I wore tight shorts on the plane for hours, it was over 30 degrees the entire time so I sweating, and I had just had sex with a new partner! All of those made sort of a musty smell, I am pretty sensitive and it takes my body a little to adjust. When I said “maybe not right now, I smell a little bit down there”, and looks at me and says “yeah you do” and makes a face. He’s not a stupid guy, he knows how pH works, and still chose to make that comment.

Fast forward, we’re in the car on the way to my campus, his vibes were off again. And I brought up how it was totally okay if he felt like this wasn’t for him, and how I’d just like some communication if that was the case. He reassured me multiple times that he wanted to be with me and that everything was totally okay. He drops me off, doesn’t kiss or hug me goodbye and then the next few days were pretty much radio silence. He works full time so I wasn’t stressing about it. Just texting as I usually would, and when I asked how his day was before work he says it was good and that he just deep cleaned his room. This was the same day he dropped me off (he works nights)….deep cleaning right after I’d been there? Weird…but okay.

The next few days we barely talk, and I know something is wrong. So I call him. We talk about the whole situation and I’m feeling hurt because he basically tells me he doesn’t want anything to do with me, that he still cares for me, etc. Things get a little heated when he mentions the fact that I “smelled” was a complete turn off for him, and that I was unhygienic. Also making a point to comment that his ENTIRE ROOM AND CAR SMELLED LIKE IT? Made me feel like shit obviously, but I knew the smell wasn’t that bad…and im sorry but sex does have a smell and it just smelled like sex in his room lol not like my wonky pH alone. He watched me take a shower before and after we had sex at all too. I should have handled it better, but I got so upset with how disrespectful it was when he knew all of the things contributing to a shift in my pH and how that seemed to be the main reason he stopped communicating with me. We took time to cool down and the next day he met up with me to explain himself better about why this wasn’t working for him. He gave me the stupid lecture every guy does about how he’s just not ready for a relationship and he’s not where he wants to be financially…like of course you’re not YET? YOU’RE 22 and you knew this the entire 6 months we’d been talking and planning. But the entire time after that when we were just sitting in the car, he’s holding my hand, joking with me, and being more affectionate than he was the morning after our first night together.

Talk about a total switch up? He was looking at me like he truly liked me in addition to the affection. I pointed it out right on the spot and he didn’t have an answer for me. He basically just said “I guarantee I’ll regret breaking this off, and end up hitting you up a couple months from now asking to get back tg. I still like you a lot”. WTF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

Anyway, I don’t regret sleeping with him, I don’t regret talking or getting to know him. BUT i do feel hurt and upset about the comments he made about my body. This situation happened 3 months ago, and the comments he made about my smell have made me so self conscious where I haven’t let any guy even cuddle me in fear that he’ll smell something…even when I can’t smell myself I have this anxiety about whether other people can smell it.

I just feel like even if it was that bad, maybe he could have been more gentle about it…Am I being too sensitive and paranoid? I take care of my body and am mindful. Any other ladies had a similar experience? I’m really struggling with confidence in that part of my life now.

Hey! I’ve asked for advice in this community before, and y’all were very helpful, so I’m back.

I (30F) am trying to decide how much contact I want with my dad (57M). A little background: I grew up in a very conservative, religious family and was homeschooled my entire life. I was the black sheep, and I managed to leave for university when I was 19. I now live abroad, I’ve come out as a lesbian, and I am not religious.

Unfortunately, there was a lot of physical abuse in my home, primarily against me. My dad was obsessed with breaking my will, and he was a follower of James Dobson, the Pearls etc. He bit me, punched me and briefly knocked me unconscious, and spanked me at least a few times a week.

He also has a mental illness that he’s always refused to treat. He used to smear all the doorways in our house with oil, stay up all night praying, and wander the neighborhood “casting out demons.” It was very scary for me as a little kid. He also used to say that he’d kill me “if god told him to.” He loved to talk about the End of Days and how we’d be tortured to death for being Christian.

Because of his beliefs, we didn’t go to school, and he always told us not to trust CPS, as they’d take us away. We switched churches every few years as he became more conservative. That barely scratches the surface, but it gives you a general idea.

However, he was horribly abused by his biological parents, to the point that he still has physical scars. His mother was in turn abused by her parents, so it’s abuse all the way down. My dad’s a very influenceable and gullible guy in general, and he happened to fall in with a conservative Christian crowd when I was a baby. If he’d been hanging around with a different group, I think I’d have had a different upbringing.

There were also times when he was a good dad. He taught me to forage and mushroom hunt, he took me on road trips, and he protected me from his own abusive mother. I don’t doubt he loves me. I think it would crush him if I went low contact.

He’s sort of out of the fundamentalist scene now. My mom is no longer religious, and about ten years ago she forced him to get on medication and clean up his act, or else they’d divorce. However, he has a business that makes its money from right-wing/ fundamentalist Christian customers, so he still presents himself that way. He loves to bend my ear about his “parental rights” and his belief that homeschooling is great and should never be regulated. His other beliefs are a mix of right and moderate. He’s recently decided to be pro-LGBT (though he doesn’t tell his customers that) because my sister, his golden child, came out.

Given all of this, I’m not sure if I should limit contact. When I call my mom and he’s there, he insists she put the phone on speaker so he can participate. Otherwise, he almost never reaches out to me directly (maybe 2-3x a year for specific purposes).

What would you do? I’d especially like to hear from people who have been in similar situations and went LC. Have you regretted it? Has there been pushback from other family members? Is my situation “bad enough” to warrant lower contact?

Big thanks to anyone who read all that. I do really appreciate it :)

I (29F) was raised in a very large, loving, “yours, mine and ours” family which included 8 sets of grandparents (due to divorces, remarriages, adoption, etc.) and many aunts, uncles and cousins. Most of my weekends and school vacations were spent with various grandparents, aunts and uncles. However, I also have lots of aunts and uncles who I only have really spent time with for Thanksgiving, Christmas, funerals and weddings. My childhood was full of love, joy and happiness due to the MANY family members who dedicated time to my wellbeing.

Throughout my childhood, as I assume is typical, different “branches” of my family often debated politics over dinner tables, which sometimes led to falling outs between various individuals. As the division of family was always disappointing to me, I always hoped to never let politics impact my familial relationships.

In my early 20’s, I earned a bachelor’s degree in Social Studies Education and Anthropology. I have worked as a high school social studies teacher, have made wonderful friends with immigrants from all over the world, and now work in child protective services with a dedicated caseload of unaccompanied non-citizen youth. Specifically, I work with immigrant children who have been orphaned, abused, neglected, or abandoned by their parents - or, in some cases, trafficked into the US. My young clients are some of the bravest, kindest most resilient, and hardworking people I have ever met. The trauma they have experienced is incomparable to anything else. They’ve witnessed siblings drown in violent rivers; they’ve watched jaguars eat people; they’ve carried younger children over rainforest mountains for weeks at a time; they’ve been victim to sexual abuse, and so much more. Yet, they are incredibly loving, thoughtful and grateful for the lives they have. Serving them feels like an honor. Knowing them is inspiring. My work brings value to my life in ways I don’t think many people get to experience. Due to my educational background and profession, human rights has become a central part of my identity in many ways. With ICE presence escalating and threatening my community members, friends and clients on a regular basis, the political landscape in America has become integrated into my personal life like never before. I have also become very loud about my advocacy on social media, as I feel is my civic duty and moral responsibility, especially since I come from a privileged background. To be silent, while working in the position I have, during the harsh realities of this administration, is impossible.

Knowing my profession, educational background, social circles and stances on topics such as immigration and Palestine, several family members from different “branches” of my family tree have worked to intentionally make me feel uncomfortable at family events, spoken ill about me behind my back and have warned me about choosing friends and boyfriends who come from “terrorist” countries. I have been careful to avoid bringing up any divisive topics at family functions for the past few years, but it seems that my presence is a call-to-action for several of my family members to bring these topics to the forefront of conversation.

On one side of my family, my late grandfather had a rule to never discuss politics, health, finances or religion at holidays. Since his passing, this has not been respected. My step-uncle hosts Christmas and Thanksgiving every year and he put a political Christmas tree, propaganda-themed Wine in the middle of the dining table and wore a politically charged shirt. Despite this, I did not engage in any conversation about my social life, work or politics at the holiday. His daughter reached out to me on social media a few months after to tell me I was wrong and immoral for protecting “illegal aliens” and “Muslim Terrorists” then proceeded to block me. Since my grandfather’s passing, I don’t have a desire to attend holidays with this side of the family. But I know my absence would break my step-grandmother’s heart and would be a huge disappointment to my late grandfather.

On another side of my family, my grandmother called me “disgraceful, disappointing and disgusting” behind my back to other family members, for working with immigrants. She has warned me against dating men from the Middle East and Southern Asia as they will “steal my children and bring them back to their country.” A couple of years ago, I stopped to visit these grandparents on my way through their town, and they shamed me for several hours about my social circle, until I left sobbing in the middle of the night. These are people who had been there for me at incredibly difficult times in my life. I’ve lived with them. They brought me on road trips and were the best grandparents I could have asked for when I was a child. In the past couple of years, I’ve found myself having to compartmentalize the version of them I experienced as a child from the version of them that is emotionally abusive of me as an adult. Currently, I have gone nearly no-contact with them. Last year for Christmas, they had my brother deliver a card with $100 for me, to my parent’s house. Not wanting to accept or refuse it, I donated the money to legal representation for an Angolan pastor in my community who had been kidnapped by ICE 2 days before Christmas. This was not only a worthy cause, but a form of peaceful poetic justice that seemed like the only reasonable action.

Due to being adopted, many members of my biological family did not have any obligation to continue to nurture, care for or love me. Nevertheless, they remained consistent family throughout my childhood. For this reason, I’ve generally continued to show up to family functions, help with ill family members, etc. largely out of obligation. However, when I’m spending holidays that should represent peace, community, thanks and love with people who don’t treat me or the people I love with respect, it is difficult to consider maintaining these familial relationships.

AITAH for avoiding my family and holiday functions due to ethical disagreements?

I (26F) and my partner (28M) have been together for 3 years. Our relationship has been absolutely perfect. The first day we meet we connected instantly and I had this deep reaction that I knew he was going to be a huge part in my life. I was freshly out of a breakup of 6 years. My ex cheated on me, lied, and I hate to say it but the last two years of that relationship I didn’t have emotional ties. When I finally ended things I felt excited to get out and meet friends and maybe future love connections! But wasn’t planning on a long term relationship for awhile.

Two months after that I met my current partner. It was amazing. We clicked instantly and had so much in common. I will admit it felt soon, but all of it felt so right. Nine months later we moved in together. It was such a dream. We live in a medium sized city. Our apartment is historic and has so much character and over the years we have built this to be our home. I have always felt so sure about this relationship… until 4 months ago.

Things started to become more resentful and rough. We honestly both have been struggling a lot on feeling fulfilled and happy with past resentment. Three nights ago we got into it. Arguing and yelling. We both started saying hurtful things and he said “I am not attracted to the person you are”. I won’t lie because of being cheated on in the past I started to spiral. I took his phone off the couch and went to the bedroom. I wanted to go through it because in my mind I don’t understand how everything switched instantly so I immediately go into something is going on. I was on it for 15-20 seconds and he slammed into the room. Instantly he tried grabbing for his phone and in the process grabbing me. It made all of it seem more sketchy so I tossed the phone under my side of the bed and he pushed me down with it. I have a small walkway between the bed and the wall so I was stuck upside down with him above me. I was able at that point to get myself upright and he started grabbing my face, my neck, pulling my hair. I got a cut on my neck. My chin and shoulder are bruised. I think the most damaging part is during this process he said this was my fault for wanting to go through his phone and he’s trying to calm/restrain me.

I gave up and started to have a panic attack screaming that he was going to k*** me(it genuinely felt like that for a moment) and for him to get away from me. He backed off. Obviously knew how bad this was. Started saying sorry and trying to help me. I just kept screaming for him to get away from me. I have gone the past two days numb. Him being around and being gentle and affectionate. Saying sorry multiple times and telling me how he fucked up. I guess my question is what do I do?

I know how bad this is, I know it’s not acceptable but everything has been so great before this. He told me I can always go through his phone but he doesn’t understand why I want to do it in private or “secret”. What do I do?

I (F34) recently broke up with my boyfriend (M37) of 18 months and I’m struggling with whether I was being unreasonable.

This was genuinely the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had. He was kind, loving, supportive, and we communicated well. I honestly thought he was the person I would spend my life with.
The issue wasn’t that he treated me badly. It was that I started feeling like our relationship wasn’t progressing and that I wasn’t being chosen when it came to our future.

When we met, he was living in a share house. Over time he became very close with his housemates, and I genuinely like them too. They are wonderful people.

One of his housemates, who owns the house (I’ll call him Eric), needs to be away for an extended period due to serious personal circumstances. I completely understand why my boyfriend wants to support Eric and his partner, Eileen.

The issue is that the timeline keeps changing and there is no clear end date. It could potentially be another year or two before the situation changes.
My boyfriend feels a strong moral obligation to stay living there while Eric is away. He feels he needs to help look after the house and support Eileen, and sees it as a matter of integrity.

I understand wanting to support friends through a difficult time. My struggle is that I don’t understand why that support requires him to continue living there indefinitely. I never wanted him to abandon them, I wanted us to find a way to support them while also building our future together.

We have different views on priorities. I see my partner as my primary commitment and would prioritise my partner when making major life decisions while still supporting my friends. I understand everyone views this differently, but it has hurt feeling like the house situation has come before our relationship.

After 18 months together, I wanted us to start making plans to live together. He feels that is rushing the relationship and wants to wait another year. The problem is his timeline depends on the house situation resolving itself, and there is no clear timeline for that.

I tried to compromise and suggested different options, but he feels I’m the one unwilling to compromise.
From his perspective, I’m putting pressure on him and unfairly asking him to choose between me and his friends. He feels I’m rushing a healthy relationship.

From my perspective, I wasn’t asking him to abandon anyone or choose between us. I was asking whether our relationship was a priority and whether we were actively building towards the same future.

We ended things because neither of us could move past this.

Now I’m questioning myself because he genuinely believes I was in the wrong. He thinks I was rushing the relationship, while I feel that after 18 months, in our mid-to-late thirties, wanting a clearer path toward living together is reasonable.

AITA for deciding that waiting indefinitely for him to be ready wasn’t enough for me?

I (32f) and husband (33M) received a spa package from his mom for Christmas with the expectation that she would get to babysit our baby, 3 months at the time.

MIL is generally a sweet woman but is consistently overbearing when it comes to major life events and likes to push boundaries. If we say no to something, she will pester, guilt trip, and sometimes go behind our back to get her way. I used to enjoy her company, but since my husband and I got married she’s just generally uncomfortable at this point to be around because I’m always worried what she’s going to say or what boundary I’m going to have to draw.

We had our first baby in the fall, and I was already on high alert. I had/have PPA and her history of not taking ‘no’ for an answer already caused trust issues. She continued to push our boundaries around visitation and parenting decisions, and the final straw happened at Christmas. We have a big family and saw a lot of people, so I was anxious about my baby getting sick. We decided a good rule would be to stay away if you’re sick and don’t kiss the baby. Well I’m sure you guessed it, of course my MIL tried to. Thankfully I was wearing her and was able to dodge MIL attempt. My husband talked to MIL about it but she didn’t understand why it was a problem and just said ‘she didn’t mean to’. Since then I have kept our visits to a minimum. If we didn’t have a baby I wouldn’t willingly spend any time with her right now.

We sat her down a couple months ago about her ongoing behaviour and she played victim the entire time. She didn’t apologize for the way she hurt me and put her granddaughters health at risk until I walked away and cried in the kitchen. She said “it’s like you don’t trust me” and I was honest with her and said that I can’t trust her until she can show me more respect as a person and a parent. Since then, she has gotten less sweet and more petty with me. It’s subtle enough that it’s difficult for my husband to see or understand as a man but apparent enough to make me feel crazy. If I call her out on her behaviour, she always has an ‘innocent’ excuse ready.

The Gift: For Christmas, she gifted us a 4 hour spa retreat that is an hour away, and wrote on the card ‘babysitting included!’. This means we would be gone for minimum 6 hours, longer than she’s stayed with anyone yet. I thought that maybe by this fall I would have the courage to leave my baby with MIL and give her a chance, but then she pulled what she did on Christmas and refused to take accountability. Because of my ongoing PPA I still struggle to leave my baby with anyone, but I have been taking those small steps with other family for a couple hours at a time. I made it clear to my husband that MIL will not be babysitting anytime soon, she needs to build my trust back and that doesn’t happen overnight. My husband said that we don’t have to go to the spa/let her babysit but also that we will not be using the gift card from MIL and allowing someone else to babysit our daughter because it’s ’not fair’ to his mom to take away that hope and excitement. He suggested that I use it with a friend and he will take our baby to visit his mom while I do the spa retreat. I told him that his mom needs to understand that there’s consequences for her actions and we shouldn’t waste the cards or lie about why we can’t use them to save her feelings. The gift card is non refundable, non transferable, and expires in a few months. So the only viable options are either my husband and I go and let someone else babysit, or we let it expire and go to waste.

What do I do?

ETA Restating because I don’t think everyone is reading the whole post:

The gift card is non refundable, non transferable, and expires in a few months. So the only viable options are either my husband and I go and let someone else babysit, or we let it expire and go to waste.

I checked the local laws and there is a loophole - because the card is labelled as a ‘4 hour retreat’ instead of a specific dollar amount, they can get away with an expiry

I (23F) graduated from college a year ago and decided to stay in my college town because I found a job there. I also decided to live alone for the first time. After my boyfriend and I broke up, I realized that most of my college friends had moved away, leaving me without much of a support system.

I did my best to make the most of it, but over the past nine months my mental health steadily declined. After having some scary thoughts last weekend, I decided I needed to move back home and be closer to my family rather than try to stick out another year in my current city.

Earlier this year, I became friends with a coworker, "Ella" (23F), who lived in a three-bedroom apartment. In March, she mentioned one of her roommates was moving out, so I asked if I could take the open room. She talked it over with the remaining roommate, "Paige" (25F), and we all agreed. We signed a lease running from mid-June 2026 to mid-June 2027.

After deciding to move home, I met with them two weeks before our lease was set to begin and explained the situation. I felt it was better to tell them immediately rather than move in and deal with it later. I also told them I wouldn't leave them hanging and wanted to help however I could.

We discussed several options and agreed the best solution was to transfer to a two-bedroom unit in the same apartment complex. The plan is for all three of us to stay on the current lease for one month, then in August Ella and Paige will move into the new unit and I'll be released from the lease. I also paid the $500 transfer fee.

The issue is that the two-bedroom unit costs more. Their rent will increase by about $180 total each month, or roughly $2,100 over the next 11 months. They asked me to cover that difference, and I verbally agreed. I explained I couldn't pay it all upfront but could make monthly payments until it was paid off.

After talking it through with my parents and a friend, I started questioning whether I should have agreed so quickly. I don't have another job lined up yet, and while I'm fortunate to be living with my parents rent-free, I still have student loans, a car payment, insurance, and other bills. I still plan to honor my word, but I wish I had taken time to think about it first.

Ella then wrote up a contract outlining what I would owe. I'm hesitant to sign because I haven't seen the new lease or verified the numbers myself, and the agreement only outlines what I owe, not what they would be responsible for. The same night I got home, Paige also asked me for $400 upfront, even though I'd already explained I didn't have the money and that wasn't part of our agreement.

When I asked if we could hold off on signing the contract, Paige sent me a long text saying she felt manipulated, that I owed them money, that I should owe them more, and that they were trying to be generous. She now wants the full amount upfront because she doesn't trust me to follow through.

I know they're stressed, but I feel like this situation is escalating more than it needs to. I still intend to pay the $2,100 we originally agreed on—I just don't feel comfortable signing a contract.

AITA for refusing to sign the contract even though I still intend to pay what we agreed on?

TW: physical violence, emotional abuse, sexual assault, stalking

I’ve been with Alex for ten months. He’s my boss too, and the only person I work for from home. About two months ago, during an argument, he cho*** me. He’s said it wasn’t serious because it was quick, didn’t hurt, and he was in control.

But that wasn’t the only thing. There’s a pattern. He shifts things onto me. Blames me. Doesn’t listen when I try to set boundaries.

Around a month ago, I started talking to Sarah. She’s older, like a sister figure. She used to be a cop. I didn’t dump everything on her, and I wasn’t trying to make him look worse than he is. I just told her what happened. The physical stuff. The cho***. The emotional parts. The pattern of it all. And she told me to leave.

So I waited. Two more weeks at the house.

Then this one day: his daughter was hungry, and he blamed me for not making lunch. Except I’d asked him if I was supposed to cook it. I didn’t know that was my job. There was also this T-shirt he wanted made, and somehow that was my fault too when he didn’t follow through. Small things, maybe, but they’re not small when you’re already drowning in it.

After he left with his daughter, I just left.

I went to my friend’s place first. He tried to hack my Apple ID to find me. That same night I got a hotel. Somehow he figured out which one from my email, and he showed up. He called my name for two hours straight. Tried to break the door down. I kept it locked. Eventually he left.

The next day I moved. I had a job interview there anyway. That night we talked on the phone, and he told me Michael, Sarah’s ex and one of his best friends, had already talked to him, had agreed with his side. And I thought: Michael only heard Alex’s version. So I called him back and told him mine. Not everything. Just that I’d been abused, physically and emotionally, and that’s why I left.

The next morning when I was checking out, Alex just appeared. He’d tracked me through the calendar on my work laptop. We talked. And I went back.

We had sex. During it, he said he wanted to come inside me, and I said no. I was clear. I didn’t consent. But he did it anyway. That felt like another violation on top of everything else.

Yesterday he brought it up again. Said if Michael and Sarah got back together, that would be my fault. That I shouldn’t have dragged her into this, because now she’s destroying our relationship.

He says Sarah should’ve called him like Michael did. Or I should’ve asked a hundred strangers on the internet to vote on whether I should leave instead of listening to her.

He doesn’t think Sarah’s advice was worth hearing because she’s 49, single, no kids, hasn’t had successful relationships. As if that matters. As if her life choices disqualify what she saw.

But the actual things that happened. That’s not what we’re talking about anymore. It’s all about whether Sarah’s credible based on her personal life.

He thinks I should’ve just told him directly what was wrong so he could fix it. Says I’m holding onto something from two months ago. Says I’m still angry, that I won’t let it go, that I must be hiding something.

The cho*** didn’t hurt, he says. It was brief. He had control. So why am I still treating it like it matters?

What he doesn’t get is: it’s not just the cho***. It’s all of it together. The way he made me feel unsafe. The pattern. The reason I didn’t trust him after that.

So, Reddit, I’m asking for honest outside perspectives: Am I minimizing what happened because I returned to the relationship, or am I holding onto resentment over something that happened two months ago? Is this relationship realistically fixable, and should I leave?

TL;DR: I left my partner after he choked me, emotionally abused me, tracked me down after I left, and later ignored my clear refusal during sex. I eventually went back, and now he says I’m wrong for listening to my older friend’s advice to leave, argues that the choking “wasn’t serious” because it didn’t hurt and was brief, and says I should have just told him what was wrong so he could fix it.

I’m now questioning whether I’m minimizing what happened because I returned, or whether I’m holding onto resentment over something that happened two months ago. Is this relationship realistically fixable, and should I leave?

I 22F and my boyfriend 22M have been together since March (a little over 4 months). We met in college (he was a senior since graduated and I’m going into my senior year this upcoming semester) everything has been amazing and we are a perfect match for each other.
Towards the beginning of our relationship I noticed he had a lot of female friends which I don’t mind but at one point we were hanging out and one of his friends called we’ll call her Liv. Liv called my boyfriend a decent amount to drive her to classes and study sessions and the like. Which also wasn’t an issue but when I really questioned anything was when she was having a hard time he went to her dorm to help and then a few minutes later came back and told me they were going to go drive around. After that I asked a few times if they had ever been a thing if feelings had been involved ect. He said there never was and they were just friends. Less things happened and then the school year ended. No worries.
Fast forward and now insert a different girl we’ll call Ari into the mix. Ari is a girl he apparently met at the gym. I have never met Ari but my boyfriend is consistently talking to her. I thought it was just streaks at first until the first time I actually looked at his phone (not out of going through it but I’m nosey and we are both open like that). I looked through their snaps and noticed he’d been sending her very similar things he’d send me (cars or flowers of her favorite color talking a lot etc.) I talked to him and without mentioning Ari I said it made me feel less special and other things. He apologized and I thought it got better. She left my mind and I wasn’t worried.
The other day I had forgotten my phone when we went to the pool so I was scrolling on his TikTok. I found a video I liked and went to send it to myself but I seen Ari was above me on his recent sent list. I didn’t know he sent her videos. This got me looking. I looked through their snaps and TikTok’s and while nothing was “wrong” some things through me off.

1. something that really bugged me we had gone to the gym and I helped a girl with a car issue. He texted Ari saying that he helped a girl with a car issue. No mention of me.
2. All of this is driving me crazy and affecting my mood. I know he would never cheat and I trust him completely (plus we are constantly together) so I’m not suspicious of anything I just don’t feel comfortable with the attention and amount they are talking and how they are talking.
3. I don’t want to be the girlfriend who says he can’t be friends with someone but I also don’t feel great about how often they talk and how they interact. How do I tell him without seeming too insecure and without seeming too demanding. I’m also worried because of the amount of times I brought his other friendship and this one up earlier that he’ll start thinking less of me. (He’s been amazing every time I bring it up and gives me no reason to think he would think less of me but it’s still something I’m working on and wrapping my head around) please help.

Edit to add. A couple people have said I don’t trust my boyfriend. And while I understand that from what you may be thinking I really do trust him. I think he doesn’t understand how a friendship can be different when it’s with a woman. Also I know nothing is going to happen between them. And unless this takes a terrible turn when I do ask about it we aren’t going to break up over this.
Also I think she knows about us as he has posted me on his story and snaps have been sent to her with us together.
Thank you for all of your help

Edit 2. He never hangs out with her and hasn’t seen her in the gym recently due to different schedules. They only communicate online

First of all, thank you to everyone who commented. I honestly wasn't expecting this post to get so much attention. I'm honestly overwhelmed by the amount of support, advice, criticism, and life experience that so many of you shared. I've read every single comment, even if I haven't had the chance to reply to each one individually.

A lot of you told me I need to grow a spine, stop being a people pleaser, stop acting like a doormat, and start standing up for myself and, more importantly, for my children. Those comments weren't easy to read, but I also know they're true. I wasn't looking for people to tell me I was right. I think I needed to hear what I already knew from people who had no emotional attachment to my situation.

One thing I don't think I explained well in my original post is the cultural context. In many South Asian families, respecting parents especially in-laws is deeply ingrained in us from childhood. Standing up to them is often viewed as disrespectful, even when you're simply trying to set a healthy boundary. That isn't an excuse for my lack of boundaries, but it does explain why this has been such a struggle for me. It's something I've been conditioned to believe my entire life, and now I'm trying to unlearn it.

I also want to make it clear that I don't hate my mother-in-law. I actually love my husband's family very much. My sisters-in-law have been incredibly kind and supportive, and they've never made me feel bad about my body or the changes that came with pregnancy and motherhood. This isn't a situation where I want to cut my in-laws out of my life or create a huge family conflict. I simply want certain behaviors to stop.

One thing I didn't mention in my original post is that the comments about my weight have become a recurring issue. I'm 5'2". When I got married in 2023, I weighed around 130 lbs. Since then, I've had two babies in three years, including back to back pregnancies, and I'm currently breastfeeding my youngest. I now weigh around 155 lbs.
I'm well aware that I've gained weight. I don't need anyone to point it out to me. I'm also aware that I'd like to lose it eventually.
Right now, though, my priority is feeding my baby. Breastfeeding has made losing weight much harder than I expected. My body seems determined to hold onto fat, and because I'm nursing, I can't safely maintain the kind of calorie deficit that would normally help me lose weight. Between breastfeeding, taking care of two little kids, cooking, cleaning, and running the household, this just isn't the season of life where weight loss is my biggest priority.

Despite knowing all of that, my mother-in-law still makes comments like telling me I need to lose 20 pounds before I can comfortably sit between the car seats, saying I'll never fit into my wedding clothes again, or suggesting I should give all of my old clothes to my younger sister-in-law (even the brand new ones “jokingly”) because I'll never wear them again. Maybe those comments don't sound like a big deal to everyone, but hearing them repeatedly from someone whose opinion matters to you eventually takes a toll.

The biggest realization I've had from reading all of your comments is that this isn't really about my mother-in-law.

It's about me.

I grew up watching my own mother never stand up for herself or for us. She always kept the peace, always did what everyone else wanted, and never wanted anyone to be upset with her. Without realizing it, I became exactly like her. I learned that keeping everyone happy was my responsibility, even if it came at my own expense.

Reading your comments made me realize that I don't want my children to grow up watching the same thing. I don't want them to think that being respectful means accepting hurtful behavior or never speaking up for yourself.

A lot of you suggested therapy, and I honestly think you're right. I don't just need to learn how to set boundaries but I need to become okay with people being disappointed, upset, or even angry with me when I set healthy ones. I think that's the part I've struggled with my entire life.

Many people also asked about my husband. He actually has offered to talk to his mom before, and he has stepped in on one occasion. The behavior stopped briefly, but she became noticeably cold toward me afterward because she assumed the complaint came from me. My husband says all grandparents get overly attached and sensitive with their grandchildren, and it's coming from a place of love but he agrees that MIL goes overboard with her nagging. We’ve talked about it, and he knows I'm no longer willing to simply "get used to it." If these comments continue, I'll ask him to address them again, and if that doesn't help, I'll have to start speaking up myself.

Thank you again to everyone who took the time to comment, especially those who were honest even when it was difficult to hear. I appreciate every mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, and everyone else who shared their own experiences. Your comments gave me a lot to think about, and I genuinely hope this is the beginning of breaking a cycle instead of passing it on to my children.

I am writing because I am trying to process a recent breakup and would appreciate some outside perspective.

For some background, I was married for years and have children with my ex-husband. Throughout our relationship—from the time we started dating until the very end—he cheated on me and lied repeatedly. Looking back, I realize I settled because I believed it was the best I was ever going to find. Even on my wedding day, I felt disconnected. I was over 30 minutes late and didn't really care about the wedding, despite always dreaming of one. Growing up, I was a tomboy, but I always dreamed of finding my person, getting married, having children, and becoming a mom.

After my divorce, I spent years focusing on myself and casually dating. During that time, I met my now ex-boyfriend. We dated off and on, but it never became serious because he would disappear for days at a time, and I got the impression he wasn't looking for a committed relationship. I eventually moved on.

Fast forward to 2025. He spent nearly the entire year trying to get my attention. In late December, I finally agreed to give him another chance, although I was honest that I didn't think he was capable of taking a relationship seriously. Somehow, I let my guard down.

He became the first man I allowed my children to build a relationship with. They had only met one other man briefly before him, so this was a huge step for me. Things moved quickly, and he eventually moved into my home.

Shortly after he moved in, I discovered he had been making frequent, lengthy phone calls to his best friend's wife. At first, he denied it. Only after I checked the phone records did he admit it. That night, I told him I thought I should walk away because my trust had already been broken. My previous marriage had taught me how important it is to pay attention to those early warning signs. He convinced me to stay, but I never fully felt at peace.

Over the following months, there were several smaller lies that led to repeated arguments. I often asked questions that never seemed to have satisfying answers. Why had he been calling her so often? Why did he call her immediately after leaving my house one day? Why was it all kept so secret? My intuition kept telling me there was more to the story, and those unanswered questions left me feeling insecure.

By Fourth of July weekend, we were already struggling. Many of our disagreements weren't about huge issues—they were about feeling unsupported. We argued over simple things, like helping me fill my gas tank with my own money or following through on plans we had made to take our kids to a fireworks show. Then we learned that his best friend's wife was planning to ask her husband for a divorce.

That same weekend, our arguments continued. At one point, he rated me as an "8" and compared me to women from his past, which was deeply hurtful. Eventually, I told him I wasn't sure whether I wanted to continue the relationship and that I thought we should each take a day to think things through.

That night and the following morning, he insisted he wanted to stay together. Later that day, however, he changed his mind and became set on ending the relationship. I think the sudden change and fear of being alone made me panic, especially because I had only recently become comfortable with being on my own before meeting him.

We officially broke up that Monday. I even offered him the spare room for the night, but instead he chose to move his camper and leave immediately. As soon as he drove away, he removed me from our Life360 account. My instincts immediately told me something wasn't right.

A few days later, I drove past his best friend's wife's house because I couldn't shake the feeling something was going on. His camper was parked outside.

When I got home, I looked through his laptop. I found emails between them. She was saved in his contacts as "Forever Girl." The emails included "I love you" messages and made it clear they were romantically involved. I sent the information to her husband because I believed he deserved to know the truth.

I later learned that their affair had actually been going on from approximately September or October through December. My ex also admitted that on the very night we broke up, he went directly to their house while her husband was away.

Financially, he still owes me over $1,000. I only asked him to repay $800, but he has refused. I'm in the process of returning his children's belongings, and he has told me I can do whatever I want with the rest of his property. I have sold a few items, but I also have sentimental belongings that belonged to his grandfather, including a military hat, along with childhood keepsakes.

My friends and family have mixed opinions. Some believe I should give him a deadline to pay what he owes before disposing of or selling the remaining items. Others think I shouldn't return anything until he pays me. He has told me he has already replaced most of his belongings and is now asking for two tools that belonged to a family member.

At this point, I honestly just want this chapter of my life to be over. What hurts the most isn't just the betrayal—it is that he knew how protective I am of my children and how seriously I take introducing someone into their lives. I don't allow people around my kids casually, and he knew that. Letting him into our lives was one of the biggest acts of trust I could have given someone.

I know our relationship moved quickly, and I understand people may question that decision. I don't need judgment for it. There were personal reasons why things progressed as fast as they did. I can't change that now. What I am trying to do is move forward, heal from another painful betrayal, and close this chapter with as much peace as possible.

So me 23f and my bestie 23m have been besties for the past ten years. Every single hardship, achievement, life experience like literally everything we have always shared and supported each other.

Earlier this year I finally got on the property ladder and bought an apartment with my long term boyfriend of 5 years (27m). I finally was able to escape my high stress and kinda toxic family dynamic and I have never felt more free.

My bf and I take so much pride in our home, we keep it absolutely immaculate and deep clean every 3 weeks. We fill the place with fresh flowers and plants and even though we don't have alot of money we've decorated it slowly and put our souls into it.

Because I've moved slightly out of the city when my bestie came over he stayed for the whole weekend, arriving Saturday and leaving Sunday evening.

I was so excited to show him my small town l've grown to love and celebrate this massive life achievement.

I collected him from the station and made him lunch as soon as he came through the door. I made him up a nice bed in the spare room and planned a whole weekend of fun stuff.

The first day he kept making sarcastic comments about the area I live in, saying that it was stick in the 70s and the roads were outdated and there nothing to do. I let it slide and just explained that it's a slower way of life than the city. He also kept complaining that he had to pay soo much money for a train ticket to come and see me. I let it slide and just kept going.

We got home from a day of exploring and I made all three of us dinner, I expected us to all have conversations and socialise while I was cooking but he went and stayed in the spare room while I cooked. He didn't say anything just left. I had to call him out when dinner was ready and it was really awkward.

Dinner was a whole spread that I made with love as cooking is my favourite hobby. He proceeded to sarcastically rate my meal a 6/10. Okay??

We then put on a movie and ate some icecream.

Convo was going good until he randomly got up and said 'I'm heading to bed. It was weird and make me and my bf feel a bit awkward.

On the Sunday I woke up early at around 7.45am to do my meal prep for the next week and did so very quietly so I didn't wake my guest up. My bf woke up at around 9am and joined me in the living space to have breakfast.

My bestie proceeded to come out of the spare room at 11am even though he knew I had a whole day planned for us and that shops in my town close early on Sundays.

I let it slide, got him breakfast and once I got dressed we went on with our day. The plans were nice and we were just chatting and exploring. I thought things were great.

It got to about 4.30pm and he told me his train was to leave at 5pm and asked if I was taking him to the station. I said of course but I was a bit confused as when he previously spoke about coming down he said his train home was for 7pm.

I let it slide and we said our goodbyes at around 5pm.

Shortly after I sent him a message saying that it was lovely to see him after soo many months and that I hone | was a aood host loll said that mv and mv bf welcome him anytime and that our door will always be open.

HERES WHERE IT GETS FUCKED.

He messaged me back at around 11pm saying that he had a nice time and that I was a decent host BUT, I need to clean my toilet because the stains aren't pretty. And he very patronisingly explained to me how to clean a toilet and what type of toilet brush I should be using.

He lectures me about how I should be happy I'm heating it from him and not someone important because it's basically embarrassing that he's had to tell me this.

For context the stains he is referring to is some slight lime scaling in the very inside bottom on the toilet because we live in a very hard water area.

There is NO POO OR ANYTHING GROSS.

He then proceeds to tell me that for future reference, I should have had tea and biscuits ready to serve when he came in as that's something he has learned about hosting from his mother.

Even though he doesn't drink tea and I had literally made him a whole lunch pretty much 10 minutes after he walked through my front door.

I also made sure there were plenty of snacks and drinks the whole time he was here.

WTF?

I welcome you into mine and my bfs home, our safe space. I take you around my area and clearly show pride and love for where I live. I put effort and money into making sure I have food and drinks for you. I made you a nice private and comfortable space in the spare room so you felt at home.

And on top of that I was excited to see you because you're my best friend of 10 years and I have finally achieved something that I have been working towards for so so long.

And you take take take, leave and then shit all over it.

I'm angry and upset and blindsided. I don't want you in my home if your intention is to pick apart things that don't even matter.

So, am I the asshole for not wanting him back here and not wanting to hear him out.

Hi everyone, I (28M) have been dating my girlfriend (23F) for about a year, and we keep hitting recurring conflicts about how I interact with women. I want to lay out a few situations and the facts in the most unbiased way possible, so I can get your perspective: are these differences something we can work through, or are we just incompatible in how we define trust?

I’ll give 3 situations, and detail her perspective and mine. 

Relationship Background:
From early on, my girlfriend was clear that for her, respect means never leaving any room for ambiguity. If she feels uncomfortable with something or someone, (she claims she has an amazing read on people) I should just do what she says, whether its unfollowing somebody, or limiting interactions with them. She also prefers no friendliness or warmth toward other women, even if it’s just casual. Obviously it's okay with friends and people she knows are aware of our relationship and that she doesn’t deem as a threat (for looks or personality reasons).

Before meeting my girlfriend, I was coming out of my shell and trying to put myself in new and uncomfortable situations. I like the idea of making people's day, and make an effort to compliment people to make them feel good if I genuinely like something about them/their style.

The reason I met her is because I put myself in an uncomfortable position, by going to an event alone, and having to connect and talk to people. Although I’m not naturally outgoing, I make an effort to be warm and friendly. It's part of who I am, and I don’t interact with people differently based on gender. It also helps in my work, especially at events like weddings, where being approachable is important. I’m 100% loyal, I don’t flirt or lead anyone on for attention, but she sees even simple friendliness as a potential threat.

Situation 1 (the big one): The Wedding Incident
A few days ago, I was working at a wedding, I was assigned a seat at a table of guesrts consisting of 4 men and 2 women. A man and two women were interested to hear more about my work, they were asking me general questions about me and my business. Its worth noting that I had pretty much the exact conversation with the brides 60+ year old mother, it was very simple, short and business focused.I asked if anybody was going to weddings in the future that needed photo services. One of the girls mentioned her sister was having a destination wedding next year. I saw this as a good opportunity to possibly break into destination weddings, so we exchanged instagrams along with the other woman who was her friend. The man didn’t have instagram. I understand I may not have needed the friends instagram, but I figured since I’m adding them to my business account, it doesn’t hurt to have more followers and add people. This interaction lasted under 7minutes. 

One of the women I met briefly sent me a message later that night stating the following:

“Kinda sad you left early but I’m glad i met you :)”

I replied “Hey! It was great meeting you all too. It was nice chatting with everyone and getting a break for a bit. Just wanted to be clear, I have a girlfriend, so I hope I didn’t give the wrong impression. I hope you all have a great night!”

She replied “ Honestly I totally get it. I respect that! Glad we met have a good night”

I then unfollowed her afterward, and didn’t engage further.

When I told my girlfriend a few days later, she immediately asked to see my phone. I hesitated and told her I would show her anything she needed because I wanted us to build trust without constant verification, but she pushed for her to have my phone, so I gave it to her. After she went through everything (instagram, all my texts), she reached out to the woman herself, asking if I was flirting.

She said”Nooo I thought you were really attractive and when you mention you have a gf I totally respect that. You didn’t do anything wrong”

The woman confirmed that no I didn’t, and she respected my relationship, but my girlfriend still felt I had left a door open.

The three points she  up that upset her was the following:

#1 why she was upset: I waited 2-3 days to tell her.

Context: I normally tell her immediately when things happen. However the days leading up to this event I wanted to bring up a patter: I’ve been noticing this feeling in me of being policed, having to verify my location, needing to go through my phone, how I feel like I need to hold myself back from being myself in interactions with women and how I think its unfair for only me to compromise on adapting to her needs, and there's no commitment from her of being holding space for who I am and the life I want, or understanding Im a different person that interacts with the world in a different way than her.

Additional context, when my girlfriend got back home from her 3 day weekend trip, she immediately started going through my phone within 1-2 hours of being back. Instagram and texts mostly. She didn’t see the messages with this woman, but for her, because I didn't tell her right away, this just confirms that she needs to go through my phone more intensely.

#2. Why she was upset: She felt like I disrespected her

When the conversation with the women at the table started, I felt this pull to be dry, and give one word answers and not be approachable, just like my gf wants me to be. But as I did that, I felt less and less like myself and like I was having to walk on eggshells and hide myself from this interaction. I then thought I could find a middle ground, so I only kept the conversation about my business, nothing personal. For me I was able to talk passionately about my business, and not try to be dry which made me feel much better.

Her viewpoint: By me making that decision, I'm basically saying “screw her and how she feels” because I chose myself and how I want to feel opposed to knowing it won’t make her feel good and doing it anyways. In her eyes, I crossed an emotional boundary, and therefore disrespected her.

She tells me all the time that shes super dry with guys that try and hit on her, or even just avoiding interactions with guys she doesn’t know altogether.

#3 Why shes upset: The texts.

She absolutely hated how I responded to the girls text. In her mind, I should have just said “no thanks, im taken”. Even later she said she wants to send her another message saying “gross, bye”. But she didn’t send that because she knew that would make me mad. I wouldn’t be mad because I’m defending her, which my gf likely feels, but because I feel like the girl didn't do anything wrong, and as a man I understand the guts it takes to go after somebody, so being rude isn’t warranted. 

Situation 2: The Bar Incident
A while back, my friend and I went to a bar. The bartender mentioned that another staff member thought we were cute and asked if we were dating anyone. I immediately said I was taken, and my friend said he was single.

Then the bartender came back and asked for our ages. My friend said 29, and I said 28, and I repeated that I was taken as I did immediately feel strange for answering a question that, despite being directed at both of us, was still unnecessary given I was taken.

Afterward, I told my girlfriend, and she got really upset. She felt that by giving my age, even though I was clear I was in a relationship, I left a door open. Because why would I give my age if I didn’t want this person to have this information about me. 

Situation 3: The Host Stand Incident
A few months ago, my gf and I went to a restaurant. When we walked up to the host stand, the hostess asked if we had a reservation. I said that we didn’t, then clarified we had but had canceled it. She misheard me and thought I was joking and that we did actually, but I clarified that we had one, canceled it, and wanted to be seated if there was space now. The hostess laughed and said, “Don’t joke with me like that,” and gave us a menu, and let my gf and I decide if it was worth the wait. We handed them back after taking some time to look at the menu and said we’d go somewhere else. She enthusiastically said “You guys should definitely come back sometime.”

From my perspective, she was just being friendly and professional. Her job is to welcome guests and have people come in.

But my girlfriend got upset afterward because the hostess addressed me and not her, despite my girlfriend not talking. To my girlfriend, since she works in the service industry and makes an effort to look at the woman more, this meant the hostess wasn’t a “girl’s girl” and that I was being flirty in how I responded with, in my gf opinion, the hostesses obvious flirtyness. I explained that this is how I interact if she's there or not, and I don’t edit myself based on her presence or the gender of the person I'm talking to, and my girlfriend was really hurt by that.

I love my girlfriend, and I don’t want to hurt her. I’ve been honest in each situation and always closed the door when there was interest. But it feels like even small interactions, like friendliness or age disclosure, become these big deals. I’m starting to wonder if we have a fundamental incompatibility in how we define trust:

For her, it’s about preventing any potential opening. The safest relationship for her is one where attraction is prevented before it can even begin.

For me, this leads to a shrinking world since I have to always move with caution for simple interactions.

A healthy relationship for me is one where I can treat everyone with respect while being unquestionably loyal in my actions. 

My questions

Has anyone been in a relationship where one person defines trust by eliminating all friendliness, while the other defines it by how they handle situations when they come up?

Did you find a middle ground, or did you realize it was a deeper incompatibility?

I’m really trying to stay open, but I also don’t want to lose who I am. I’d appreciate any insights on whether this is something we can work on or if it’s a sign that we’re just not aligned long-term.

Thanks so much for reading.

Hi all, long time listener, first time poster. I know that this question has probably been asked a million times because it seems people have an abundance of audacity now/don’t understand wedding planning is much different today than it was 20+ years ago.

Anyways here’s my dilemma; I get married this fall and we are starting to get RSVP’s back. One that we received today was a cousin who under dietary restrictions put “my gf is vegetarian”, we didn’t know about a significant relationship and so only had them down as 1. But whatever we’ll add her as our rule is relationships that we are aware of and that were established before invites were sent and it’s possible that someone just forgot to communicate it to us.

However, another guest recently/is currently going through a divorce. We reprinted the envelope and got the new address and sent it to this family member and listed just them. I forgot to change it in the knot and it still listed the spouse too. Well, they rsvp’d yes for both so we had our parent reach out to them and confirm, this family member assumed they got a “plus one” and could just bring a friend instead. Our parents don’t fully understand that weddings today are much different than they used to be (although they try and have been so so supportive thus far) but we can’t just give people plus ones which is why we were very specific about naming exactly who was invited on the invites. We messaged this family member directly and explained that and now they responded “well can I bring this person then” this person they want to bring is also family but wasn’t originally included (no big reason just not that close and we were not invited to theirs a few years ago). Also want to note that this is a family member that will have other family in attendance and will know a lot of people at the wedding.

I want to stand firm and say no but I don’t want to cause drama and idk what to do. How has everyone else (especially fellow people pleasers like me) handled situations like this???

I (26F) have been with my husband (27M) for 10 years, married for one, and we have a 4-month-old baby.

The last four months have honestly been the hardest period of my life. Our baby has struggled with colic, reflux, constant crying, and sleep issues since birth. He wakes every 1.5–2 hours at night and will only sleep next to me. During the day, he either sleeps attached to me or in a carrier. He wakes up within minutes if I put him down. He also hates the car seat and stroller, so even leaving the house is stressful.

My husband is actually a very involved father. He works during the day, but once he's home, he takes over with the baby so I can shower, work out, or get a few things done around the house. Once in a while he'll watch the baby so I can get a facial, pedicure, or run some errands.

The difficult part is that nights are almost entirely on me because I'm breastfeeding and the baby only settles with me. I'm exhausted, anxious, and often feel like I'm failing as a mom. We also don't really have family support. Our relatives are happy to hold the baby when he's calm, but as soon as he starts crying, they immediately hand him back to us.

Now here's the issue.

My husband's older brother (37M) invited him on a "brother bonding" trip for his birthday. The plan is to spend 2 days away together doing activities like hiking, cycling or golf. My husband would also have to organize the entire trip because his brother never plans anything himself.

For some context, his brother has never really had a job, depends heavily on their parents, drinks a lot, and has always been pretty irresponsible. He's not a bad person, but he's very immature and relies on everyone else to take care of him.

When my husband told me about the trip, I said I completely understood that he wanted quality time with his brother. I never told him he couldn't go. I simply said that 2 days feels like too much for me right now, considering how difficult our baby is, and asked if they could make it a 1-day trip instead.

His response was, "So does this mean I'm never allowed to go anywhere again?"

I told him that's not what I meant at all. I don't want to control him or stop him from seeing his brother. I just honestly don't think I can manage two full days completely alone with our baby in our current situation.

So... am I being unreasonable? Am I asking for too much, or is it fair to ask him to shorten the trip given our current circumstances?

trigger warning: talks of sexual assault.

I've been reflecting on my past relationships as my current one is getting closer and closer to a ring. I'm now realizing that my last ex should have been an ex much sooner. here's a list of weird/gross/unhinged things he would do that I was too far in my depression to care about until it was too late.

1. he refused to get out of bed in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. instead, he would pee in a red solo cup and just leave it on his bedside table. one time, I was helping him change the sheets and he knocked one of the cups over, it went all over the table, all over the floor, and on his hoodie sleeve. instead of just cleaning it up immediately, he got mad and started swinging his piss soaked sleeve to get the pee off, splattering me with his pee. I got grossed out and overwhelmed, so I started crying. he got mad at me for crying and immediately hopping in the shower instead of helping him clean the mess he made, a mess that could have been avoided had he just got up to pee in the toilet at night. I asked him why he doesn't just get up in the night. he blamed the cat. we had a rambunctious kitten that was so excited to see us. ex would lock him out of our room all alone at night because he didn't like how energetic kitten was.

2. he was majorly turned on by public nudity. like to the point he would walk down the street with his dick out. luckily, he only did it at night, but we lived right next to an elementary school...

3. he wouldn't cook or do dishes. if I wanted homemade food, I would have to make it and clean up. all the time. I'm chill with cooking. I enjoy it. but when I was pulling 15 hour days five days a week at work and he worked 6 hour days three days a week, I would like to come home to a warm meal every now and then. there was one time where I got so overwhelmed, trying to scrub the caked on food off the dishes, I just snapped. I threw all of *my* glass and ceramic dishes (because of course he didn't have his own) in the trash, stored my pots and pans at a friend's house, and put paper plates, bowls, and cups in the cupboard. he would also complain that we needed to save money, but door dash food every single night.

4. he didn't take care of his teeth. at all. his breath smelled horrendous. his teeth were brown. and he dipped constantly which didn't help. he would put his dips in his pee cups on the bedside table, too.

5. he didn't like to eat in front of people. instead, he wouldn't eat all day, and he'd just wait to eat right before bed. he would order 50$ in door dash every night, eat it all in one sitting until he was groaning in pain, put his takeout containers on the floor beside the bed, roll over and go to sleep. he would wake up in the middle of the night choking because his feast would start to come up while he slept.

6. he was afraid of his mom. I asked him if she had ever given him a reason to be afraid because he acted like she beat him constantly. he said no, she's just judgemental. I mean, fair, but he would flinch if she got too close to him unannounced.

7. he was allowed to go hang out with his friends, but I wasn't allowed to see mine without him blowing up my phone constantly to ask when I was coming home or where one of his belongings I never touched was.

8. he didn't take the dog out, instead, let the dog bathroom all over the house and leave it for me to clean up when I got off work. he also wouldn't clean the litter box.

9. he had a huge drinking problem. he claimed it was because his dad had passed away. but he drank a lot before that. he would buy a 5th of vodka a day and kill it the same day he bought it.

10. the reason I finally left him: he raped me. he was drunk when I came home one day, he decided he wanted sex, I was tired and just wanted to go to bed. I clearly told him no. he said "you never say no. you're a whore who always wants to fuck." then he got on top of me and I couldn't get him off, I just had to take it. finally he was done, and passed out. I took the opportunity to grab the dog and hide in the bathroom until a friend could come pick me up. I picked the wrong day to lend out my car. but I left him with only the clothes on my back and my dog.

yes, I should have seen all of this sooner. I shouldn't have let him act or treat me like that. but I was blinded by depression and grief (my mom had passed away).

the friend I lent my car to was actually my best friend who my ex was majorly threatened by. best friend picked me up that day and told me I was moving in with him that day. we were purely platonic until three years later. best friend is now my boyfriend. he doesn't pee in cups, he loves to cook with me, he encourages me to go hangout with my friends. I love him so much. we are moving across the country in two months and he keeps hinting at proposing. he truly is my light at the end of the dark dark tunnel.

I have been with my partner for two years and we have been living together for six months. I moved into his house. He is wonderful and checks every box for me and I rave about him to everyone I talk to. Things could not be more perfect until now.

The other night I asked to see his phone to look at my instagram post from a different accounts pov because I used the new multiple captions update. When I searched my name I noticed a bunch of random females in his search history. I questioned if he liked to stalk random women, he said “Yes, I don’t know why but I do and I will not anymore if that makes you uncomfortable.” My response was to be silent since my mind started to wonder what else I don’t know.

Later that night, I decided to look through his phone when he went to sleep. I found deleted messages in which he reached out to a women he hooked up with before we ever started dating to see if she was single and was initiating he wanted to hook up if she were interested. She turned him down. I immediately woke him up and confronted him. He confessed right away and was very honest and transparent with me. He does not have a clear answer as to why he did it, but feels it may have been something he was looking to boost his ego with. He also said he does not believe he would have ever actually followed through. I have been in shock ever since. He has decided to give me my space and is showing clear signs he is disgusted in himself after seeing the results of his actions. Two days later he also decided for himself to begin therapy to talk through his emotions and understand himself why he would do such a thing. He reached out to his sister and mother as well to express his shame and guilt as well as has apologized/ taken accountability to those I chose to express this situation to.

I have not made a decision on what to do because I would feel I am letting myself down if I stay with him and rebuild trust, but this is also the only thing that has ever happened and he seems to truly feel horrible and sorry for his actions. This is something I never expected from him.

I don’t know what to do or what steps I should be taking. Him stalking other females did not bother me as much and I think all humans have genuine curiosity and find other people attractive. However I am not sure if I can move past the conversation he had with this female.