I found out I was pregnant this past Monday and have a medication abortion scheduled for tomorrow. I don’t have anyone in my life to talk to about it, but love THT and am hoping some fellow listeners will have words of wisdom.

I’m 25f, fiancé is 26m. He has been nothing but supportive through the process, but admitted to me today that he’s starting to feel emotional and connected to the idea of being a dad. He didn’t say this to try to convince me to change my mind, just to be honest about how he’s feeling. He’s still on board with my decision, just sad about the situation.

Meanwhile, there is not a single cell in my body who wants this baby. I have been bedridden sick for days, and all I have time to do is sit around thinking how much I DON’T want to be a mom.

I don’t know if I’m selfish or just a bad woman. Has anyone else had an abortion and felt literally 0 attachment to the “fetus”? (I don’t even want to use that word because the US measured it at 6 weeks & 3mm which is like a few grains of sand and definitely not a living being yet)

I’m not looking for moral judgment from people who disagree with my choice. Just some validation that I’m not making a terrible decision.

AITA for not wanting to give my child's spare 4h project to my sister and her kid?

I want to begin by saying that my sister and I have had a very toxic relationship for the last year. It started after she cheated on her ex, and the new guy she got with cheated on his wife. Since then, they've done a lot of shady things to me and my family. I've tried my best not to let our issues trickle down to my kids or hers, but she has consistently manipulated her children and caused them to hate me.

We've been no contact for over a year, and I honestly thought things were getting better. Apparently, they weren't.

Our kids are in the same 4-H group. My sister has been going on vacations and taking small trips instead of consistently caring for her goats. All of her goats look unhealthy and aren't retaining weight, including her dairy animals. Her child's market goats also aren't gaining enough weight.

During a 4-H meeting, the leader put us on the spot in front of the entire group and asked if my child would give their spare goat to my niece if her goat didn't make weight. I said, "Sure, but it's not up to me. The goats belong to my child, so it's their decision." My child said yes because they felt pressured to do so.

About an hour or two after the meeting, my child completely broke down crying. They told me, "I don't want to give my cousin my goat. I've worked really hard to get it to this point, and they would be benefiting from all of my hard work. I also want to continue showing this goat after the auction."

My child then texted the 4-H leader and their cousin to explain how they felt. The 4-H leader wasn't happy about it, and then my sister started blowing up my phone and the family group chat. She called both me and my child all sorts of names and treated us like trash. Unfortunately, this has been going on for over a year, so while I'm used to her behavior, this time it has deeply affected both my child and their cousin.

To top everything off, it's always been expected that I'm the one who gives whatever people need or fixes whatever needs repairing. This time, though, I'm not willing to do that. My sister and her child are acting entitled to my child's hard work, and I don't think that's fair.

I 35 female and my boyfriend 35 male have been trying to get pregnant for 4 years now. At our last fertility appointment the doctor basically told us it was never going to happen (less than 1%) and I am the problem. Now when me and my boyfriend starting dating he made it clear kids were his dealbreaker. He asked immediately if I wanted kids. I was 23 at the time but I knew I did eventually. Fast forward we are 30 and started trying. After years of failing and fertility we discovered it’s not in the cards for me. Now my boyfriend is an angel. This man worships me and will never leave me. However I know I can never make him happy without a baby. I am not interested in adopting a child so that is not an option either. Basically I know he won’t leave me or be happy without me so now I am considering leaving him so he can find someone else who can give him his baby. This is going to devastated him and I know that. However I think he will resent me forever if I stay with him and we don’t have children ! Help !

Hi, im 27yo. My mom is F 62 (I think). To say that my childhood was rough would be an understatement, I think people are in mental hospitals for less. I was born late because my parents weren't planning on having children until after my dad's (M 200 something Ive lost count) son from his first marriage died, did a Kurt Cobain being just a teenager.

When I was like 10 my dad cheated (of course) but my dad comes from a rich family and rich people can't have normal problems, so it was about a year of turmoil, Until my dad finally left us alone, he is still living with his affair partner.

After that my mom had my whole life planned for me and would absolutely freak out if things went out of her control. She refused to redo her life, only to show my dad and people who left her after my dad left, that she could raise me alone. She to this day still says she's proud that never gave me a step dad.

Every time I didn't do something she approved of or I didn't perform well at school or had any problem, would scream at me, tell me I'm gonna be just like my dad, there was a point in time she would compare me to him daily for things like not making my bed.

For a while she was proud of my achievements, until I failed 2nd year of law school. I was underperforming, anxious, depressed, and she would scream at me almost daily for not "valuing her efforts". I did that 2nd year a second time and I did even worse, since then I stopped studying, and since then, my mom has told me I failed in life.

Now you have the backstory, so to the present, I'm queer, I'm a trans woman, and I've been transitioning since December 2024. Of course I didn't tell my mom, I was planning on telling her on my own terms, but I was forcibly outed while I was traveling to the other side of the country in June 2025. I'm sure it was my ex, because I broke up with him the day before I traveled. I came back home with a confrontation by my mom, to find out she broke into my room, threw my clothes into the trash, and hid many of my belongings, Luckily I was able to recover most of it, but still, it is awful and she sees nothing wrong with that.

I tried to give her time and explain my dysphoria, queer concepts and history, even with a literal Slideshow I did myself. It didn't work. She has gotten so resentful. She one night sat me down with a notebook and listed the many reasons why I'm a failure in life since I was 18, adding that now I'm a failure because I'm her words "you decided to sexualize everything and hang out with (slurs)".

She even made a "compromise" by giving me a list of conditions under which she would accept my transition, such as, having a degree useful to society, become rich and famous so I don't have to be around the street "looking like that" and pay for my transition out of pocket.

On September of 2025 I went to the capital of my country and stayed at the home of a trans friend I've met online, and it was great, I felt free for the first time in my life, she is amazing, is now my best friend, I've met other trans people and was even able to build a chosen family. I was there for a month and when I came back home, I cried daily for months.

I have some friends In my city and they have helped me, but this is a conservative small city where a lot of people know me and my mom, and I feel like I can't escape her shadow.

I've been depressed since I was a teenager, my worst depression was the one I had at uni, but my depression has been getting so much worse as time passes. I planned on living with my friend at the capital, but I haven't been able to, something always comes up and now, our country was hit with twin earthquakes, which obviously made everything worse. My friends are ok tho.

My depression got so bad. I don't see a future, I spent so much energy in staying alive and that is also jeopardizing my job. I'm seeing a psychiatrist and on medication so I'm more stable now, but the thoughts sometimes come back.

My mom is ashamed of me, she had said that I went to the capital to "dress as a girl to shame her" and that people who know me for my deadname has "casted me out but don't wanna tell me".

She says she is tired of "having compassion for everyone but nobody understands her" that my betrayal is the worst she had in her life, even worse than my father's. She said "I worked so hard to raise you only for you to ruin your life like this"

I am tired, of walking on eggshells, of hiding myself, I fear planning for the future because I feel it won't ever happen. I wanna start from zero in another city but I haven't been able to, I find one dead end after another.

Now, what I wanna ask if I should be more graceful to her, I may give up to try have some kind of peace, I'm just tired, she is so nice when I do something she approves of, maybe put everything on hold and plan something, even if it looks like I'm caving. What if some people are never meant to be themselves?

Sorry for the long text.

TLDR: I'm doing my gender transition, but my mom says she's ashamed of me, that I betrayed her, I wanna re start my life far away from her but I haven't been able to, I'm tired of fighting and maybe I should give up on everything to try be at peace with her.

Me: 41f

Ex: 41M

Daughter: 10f

I am going to try to make things as simple as possible to not influence the vote by posting the text conversation between my ex and me. For the necessary backstory, my daughter has chronic constipation. This event happened on Friday, July 10th. My daughter was scheduled to spend the next week (July 12-July 19) with her dad. I can address any requests for additional info if needed.

Text Conversation:

Me Friday, July 10, 7:50 pm: [Daughter] has complained about a slight belly ache since yesterday. Today at dinner she started saying it hurts when she breathes. We are currently at the ER (we tried urgent care but they are closed). She is doing okay, but her stomach still hurts, and she can't take deep breaths without pain. I will keep you updated when we get more info.

No response from Ex

Me Friday, July 10, 9:30 pm: We just got back from the ER, they did xrays and she is constipated again, and maybe has a UTI. She has to take a cap full of MiraLax every day until she passes everything out and will need a follow up with her pediatrician on Monday. I dont think she has a UTI (they diagnosed that last time too and it ended up being wrong), but if she starts having to pee too much or it burns when she pees we have a prescription for an antibiotic she will need to have filled. They are also going to check the urine culture to see for sure if there is an infection and let us know. She will also have to make sure to be drinking a lot to keep from being dehydrated, Gatorade is probably the best bet. I'll have all of the paperwork and antibiotic prescription for you when you pick her up on Sunday. You should be able to call her doctor Monday morning to make her a follow up appointment.

No response from Ex

Me Sunday, July 12, 12:05 pm: Just a reminder that [Daugher's] medical paperwork is in her bag with instructions on taking care of her this week. Let me know what her doctor says after her follow up visit.

Ex Sunday, July 12, 1:34 pm: Where was her medicine packed?

Me Sunday, July 12, 2:38 pm: What medicine?

Ex Sunday, July 12, 2:42 pm: Does she not have medicine she needs to take?

Me Sunday, July 12, 2:49 pm: The only thing she needs now is the MiraLax, they prescribed an antibiotic if she does have a UTI, but she hasn't shown symptoms of that yet (peeing a lot or burning while she pees). I didnt get that prescription filled yet because she might not need it (its stapled to her paperwork).

Me Tuesday, July 14, 9:26 am: I just got the info back that [Daugher] does NOT have a UTI, so she doesn't need the antibiotic. Were you able to schedule [her] follow up?

Ex Tuesday, July 14, 12:10 pm: I have not.

Me Tuesday, July 14, 12:30 pm: Okay, please get that scheduled today, after ER visits its usually pretty easy to get worked in, they would probably be able to see you today or tomorrow.  

Ex Tuesday, July 14, 7:24 pm: Appointment Friday @ 3

Me Friday, July 17, 8:45 pm: What did the doctor say at [Daugher's] appointment?

Ex Friday, July 17, 9:08 pm: Unfortunately I missed the appointment

Me Friday, July 17, 9:10 pm: Why?

Ex Saturday, July 18 12:38 am:  My alarm for it wasn't on, or I slept through it. I've been asking her daily about it, she says shes feeling fine.

Me Saturday, July 18, 7:29 am: She can feel fine and still be becoming dehydrated. That's why she need a follow up to do another urine test. She usually feels fine up until she can't breathe and we have to go to the ER.  

 Me Saturday, July 18, 8:09 am: You can bring her to urgent care today for the follow up and ask they do a urine test.

Me Saturday, July 18, 6:56 pm: Is there any update from Urgent Care about [Daughter']s follow up? 

Ex Saturday, July 18, 7:03 pm:  I'm at work, I was unable to take her. I am off Monday and Tuesday, so I can take her those days, or I can drop her off earlier tomorrow and you can.

Me Saturday, July 18, 7:19 pm: Ex, I need you to know how serious this is. What you are doing is called medical neglect. Its part of a pattern, like canceling dentist appointments so she can play Roblox, or not taking her to the doctor and only giving her cough medicine when she has a serious fever. While she is in your care you are responsible to figure out how to give her the care she needs, especially a doctor ordered follow up for an issue that was impairing her ability to breathe. Not only is medical neglect a form of child abuse, it is also in violation of our parenting plan and being in contempt of court. You will take her to urgent care tomorrow before you drop her off to me.  

Ex Sunday, July 19, 2:17pm: [Daughter] shown no issues with breathing while in my care. I do care for someone with serious medical problems, my wife, and have done so since last September. My time with [Daugher] is limited due to my work schedule. I try to spend as much meaningful time with her as possible. If you're home I can bring her home now and you can do what you feel is best.

Me Sunday, 2:21 pm: If you can bring her home now you can take her to urgent care now. I am not home.
And no, you dropped [Daughter] off with a fever of 102. You didnt give her appropriate medication or take her to the doctor then. The fact that you have the capacity to take care of someone while activily refusing to take care of [daughter] is absolutely beyond me. Just take her to the doctor.

*He finally takes her to urgent care* She tested positive again for a UTI and was dehydrated.

Me: Tuesday, July 21, 11:34 am: I brought [Daughter] to a follow up today with her pediatrician.

She doesn't have a UTI, but even after drinking water and gatorade for the past two days she is still dehydrated, which means she had been becoming severely dehydrated over the past week. She is also still slightly constipated, which I thought was strange, but then [she] informed us that you never gave her any MiraLax the full week she was there. So now she needs a cap full of MiraLax everyday for the next month to get her system back on track. We have to go to another follow up in a month.

TW animal death

Hello! first time poster & long time listener. Sorry if i make writing mistakes as english is not my main tongue.

I (26F) have been a zookeeper at a famous zoo in my area for over 4 years. I train all kinds of animals, but I mostly take care of primates. Getting in the field of zookeeping is one of the hardest thing to achieve and I am very proud of myself for getting in so quickly ; however, I need advice on a particular situation that makes me anxious to lose my job.

Last month, one of our monkey "Kimi" (fake name and will stay vague of the species just in case) fell ill with mysterious symptoms. She was not old and was very active, thats why her death was surprising to us all. The symptoms she was exibiting were vomiting, lethargy, organ failure, over salivating and diarrhea. Due to the violence of the symptoms, Kimi had to be euthanised the same day we found her unresponsive. She shared the enclosure with another monkey that was, and still is, completely healthy.

Now, why am I scared to have caused this euthanasia? A few days before Kimis death, I deep cleaned the enclosure using bleach. Now, before you come after me for using bleach near animals, it is very common for zoos to use it to remove odors and keep the animals environnement sterile over time. Mind you, the animals do get put outside during this period of time. However, as you probably have guessed already, the symptoms Kimi had were the same as bleach poisoning.

I am scared to have accidentally poisoned Kimi by not rinsing well enough the bleach in the enclosure. Her body was sent to a lab for a necropsy a few hours after the euthanasia, and if it comes back as bleach poisoning I am scared that they will fire me. Should I confess to my boss before the results come back?

AIW for ending things with my ‘bestie’ of 6 years because she hooked up with a guy with a gf? Well I know the man here is 200% more responsible and guilty. But she knew he had a girl. And as a woman, how can you do that to another woman and be proud about it.
Her reaction about it was “I know, I won’t let men use me now.” ?????????let men use you now?????
(Which btw happened again)

Hi everyone, I (28M) have been dating my girlfriend (23F) for about a year, and we keep hitting recurring conflicts about how I interact with women. I want to lay out a few situations and the facts in the most unbiased way possible, so I can get your perspective: are these differences something we can work through, or are we just incompatible in how we define trust?

I’ll give 3 situations, and detail her perspective and mine. 

Relationship Background:
From early on, my girlfriend was clear that for her, respect means never leaving any room for ambiguity. If she feels uncomfortable with something or someone, (she claims she has an amazing read on people) I should just do what she says, whether its unfollowing somebody, or limiting interactions with them. She also prefers no friendliness or warmth toward other women, even if it’s just casual. Obviously it's okay with friends and people she knows are aware of our relationship and that she doesn’t deem as a threat (for looks or personality reasons).

Before meeting my girlfriend, I was coming out of my shell and trying to put myself in new and uncomfortable situations. I like the idea of making people's day, and make an effort to compliment people to make them feel good if I genuinely like something about them/their style.

The reason I met her is because I put myself in an uncomfortable position, by going to an event alone, and having to connect and talk to people. Although I’m not naturally outgoing, I make an effort to be warm and friendly. It's part of who I am, and I don’t interact with people differently based on gender. It also helps in my work, especially at events like weddings, where being approachable is important. I’m 100% loyal, I don’t flirt or lead anyone on for attention, but she sees even simple friendliness as a potential threat.

Situation 1 (the big one): The Wedding Incident
A few days ago, I was working at a wedding, I was assigned a seat at a table of guesrts consisting of 4 men and 2 women. A man and two women were interested to hear more about my work, they were asking me general questions about me and my business. Its worth noting that I had pretty much the exact conversation with the brides 60+ year old mother, it was very simple, short and business focused.I asked if anybody was going to weddings in the future that needed photo services. One of the girls mentioned her sister was having a destination wedding next year. I saw this as a good opportunity to possibly break into destination weddings, so we exchanged instagrams along with the other woman who was her friend. The man didn’t have instagram. I understand I may not have needed the friends instagram, but I figured since I’m adding them to my business account, it doesn’t hurt to have more followers and add people. This interaction lasted under 7minutes. 

One of the women I met briefly sent me a message later that night stating the following:

“Kinda sad you left early but I’m glad i met you :)”

I replied “Hey! It was great meeting you all too. It was nice chatting with everyone and getting a break for a bit. Just wanted to be clear, I have a girlfriend, so I hope I didn’t give the wrong impression. I hope you all have a great night!”

She replied “ Honestly I totally get it. I respect that! Glad we met have a good night”

I then unfollowed her afterward, and didn’t engage further.

When I told my girlfriend a few days later, she immediately asked to see my phone. I hesitated and told her I would show her anything she needed because I wanted us to build trust without constant verification, but she pushed for her to have my phone, so I gave it to her. After she went through everything (instagram, all my texts), she reached out to the woman herself, asking if I was flirting.

She said”Nooo I thought you were really attractive and when you mention you have a gf I totally respect that. You didn’t do anything wrong”

The woman confirmed that no I didn’t, and she respected my relationship, but my girlfriend still felt I had left a door open.

The three points she  up that upset her was the following:

#1 why she was upset: I waited 2-3 days to tell her.

Context: I normally tell her immediately when things happen. However the days leading up to this event I wanted to bring up a patter: I’ve been noticing this feeling in me of being policed, having to verify my location, needing to go through my phone, how I feel like I need to hold myself back from being myself in interactions with women and how I think its unfair for only me to compromise on adapting to her needs, and there's no commitment from her of being holding space for who I am and the life I want, or understanding Im a different person that interacts with the world in a different way than her.

Additional context, when my girlfriend got back home from her 3 day weekend trip, she immediately started going through my phone within 1-2 hours of being back. Instagram and texts mostly. She didn’t see the messages with this woman, but for her, because I didn't tell her right away, this just confirms that she needs to go through my phone more intensely.

#2. Why she was upset: She felt like I disrespected her

When the conversation with the women at the table started, I felt this pull to be dry, and give one word answers and not be approachable, just like my gf wants me to be. But as I did that, I felt less and less like myself and like I was having to walk on eggshells and hide myself from this interaction. I then thought I could find a middle ground, so I only kept the conversation about my business, nothing personal. For me I was able to talk passionately about my business, and not try to be dry which made me feel much better.

Her viewpoint: By me making that decision, I'm basically saying “screw her and how she feels” because I chose myself and how I want to feel opposed to knowing it won’t make her feel good and doing it anyways. In her eyes, I crossed an emotional boundary, and therefore disrespected her.

She tells me all the time that shes super dry with guys that try and hit on her, or even just avoiding interactions with guys she doesn’t know altogether.

#3 Why shes upset: The texts.

She absolutely hated how I responded to the girls text. In her mind, I should have just said “no thanks, im taken”. Even later she said she wants to send her another message saying “gross, bye”. But she didn’t send that because she knew that would make me mad. I wouldn’t be mad because I’m defending her, which my gf likely feels, but because I feel like the girl didn't do anything wrong, and as a man I understand the guts it takes to go after somebody, so being rude isn’t warranted. 

Situation 2: The Bar Incident
A while back, my friend and I went to a bar. The bartender mentioned that another staff member thought we were cute and asked if we were dating anyone. I immediately said I was taken, and my friend said he was single.

Then the bartender came back and asked for our ages. My friend said 29, and I said 28, and I repeated that I was taken as I did immediately feel strange for answering a question that, despite being directed at both of us, was still unnecessary given I was taken.

Afterward, I told my girlfriend, and she got really upset. She felt that by giving my age, even though I was clear I was in a relationship, I left a door open. Because why would I give my age if I didn’t want this person to have this information about me. 

Situation 3: The Host Stand Incident
A few months ago, my gf and I went to a restaurant. When we walked up to the host stand, the hostess asked if we had a reservation. I said that we didn’t, then clarified we had but had canceled it. She misheard me and thought I was joking and that we did actually, but I clarified that we had one, canceled it, and wanted to be seated if there was space now. The hostess laughed and said, “Don’t joke with me like that,” and gave us a menu, and let my gf and I decide if it was worth the wait. We handed them back after taking some time to look at the menu and said we’d go somewhere else. She enthusiastically said “You guys should definitely come back sometime.”

From my perspective, she was just being friendly and professional. Her job is to welcome guests and have people come in.

But my girlfriend got upset afterward because the hostess addressed me and not her, despite my girlfriend not talking. To my girlfriend, since she works in the service industry and makes an effort to look at the woman more, this meant the hostess wasn’t a “girl’s girl” and that I was being flirty in how I responded with, in my gf opinion, the hostesses obvious flirtyness. I explained that this is how I interact if she's there or not, and I don’t edit myself based on her presence or the gender of the person I'm talking to, and my girlfriend was really hurt by that.

I love my girlfriend, and I don’t want to hurt her. I’ve been honest in each situation and always closed the door when there was interest. But it feels like even small interactions, like friendliness or age disclosure, become these big deals. I’m starting to wonder if we have a fundamental incompatibility in how we define trust:

For her, it’s about preventing any potential opening. The safest relationship for her is one where attraction is prevented before it can even begin.

For me, this leads to a shrinking world since I have to always move with caution for simple interactions.

A healthy relationship for me is one where I can treat everyone with respect while being unquestionably loyal in my actions. 

My questions

Has anyone been in a relationship where one person defines trust by eliminating all friendliness, while the other defines it by how they handle situations when they come up?

Did you find a middle ground, or did you realize it was a deeper incompatibility?

I’m really trying to stay open, but I also don’t want to lose who I am. I’d appreciate any insights on whether this is something we can work on or if it’s a sign that we’re just not aligned long-term.

Thanks so much for reading.

There’s a first time for everything I guess, and this is my first time asking for the opinions and advice of internet strangers. Here goes nothing!

I (28 F) started seeing a therapist for the first time in over 10 years at the beginning of June. (My only previous therapy experience was 6-7 sessions over a 3 mo. period when I was 17 after being SAed, and I can’t say I found much help or solace in it.) It’s honestly taken me too long to 1. Admit that I needed the help and 2. Find somewhere/someone that felt like a solid fit for me. This is something that I’ve needed to do for, frankly, years now and I’m incredibly proud of myself for finally taking the leap. I have absolutely no shame in seeing a therapist or being open about the fact that I am, but it’s also not necessarily something that I’m screaming from the rooftops either. I struggle to do very much for solely me, and starting therapy felt like the first time in a really long time that I lit a fire only to keep myself warm.

For some background and context before I get to the meat of the plate here—I would say I have an okay relationship with my MIL, Tina (52 F). My husband (30 M) is Tina’s eldest son out of three boys, and we’ve been together for almost nine years total now. One could say that I’m pretty well enmeshed in the immediate family as well as the extended at this point. I do love Tina as my MIL and I care about her, but we’ve definitely had our fair share of issues ongoing and along the way. My biggest issues with her have always stemmed back to her either overstepping boundaries or inserting herself in situations/relationships/conflicts where she has no rhyme or reason (or sometimes a right) to. I don’t consider myself the perfect DIL in any capacity, but I am someone who considers how my words, actions, choices, etc. can/will affect the people around me before anything else. Most everything that I do, say, or choose is heavily weighted by how it will affect others for me—just how my brains wired I guess. Tina has very little self awareness in this aspect, and it genuinely grates on my nerves. We’ve been able to talk through/work past majority of any issues over the years, but I can’t honestly say that I trust Tina after my SIL, my brother in law’s longtime GF, and myself have figured out that Tina has a really awful tendency to talk poorly about one of us to the others when that one isn’t around. None of us ever engage it and we brush off the things she says, but sometimes it does hurt.

Back to the meat—about a month ago, I had shared very briefly that I had started therapy with her when it came up naturally in conversation. Fast forward to last week, she texted me saying how she’s been feeling really low for a while, feels like she’s silently crashing out, and having a hard time bearing the weight of the issues in her family (I.e. her mom, my husband’s grandma).

For full scope, her mom/my husband’s grandma is one of the coldest people that I’ve ever met in my life. She definitely has some untreated mental health issues of her own, but she tends to treat my MIL especially poorly out of all four of her kids. The issues and animosity there are not new news to me at all, and their relationship tends to ebb and flow over time although none of it is perceivably healthy for anyone. Tina has said at least five times in the nine years that I’ve known her that she intends to cut her parents off, but that’s never come to fruition.

Now back to the meat, again—she finished her text to me asking what therapy office and which therapist I had started going to. When I got the text in the middle of my work day, my heart went out to her first and foremost because I don’t enjoy seeing anyone struggling, let alone someone close to me. But I’d be lying if there wasn’t a semi subconscious thought of “Whew okay, this is kinda weird and definitely overstepping”. In the moment while I’m still at work, I brushed off that semi subconscious feeling and I replied with the information she had asked for. And I already know, trust me—this is 100% my fault for not setting a firm, but kind, boundary with her right then and there. I’m honestly pretty ate up with myself about it now, while also feeling bad for feeling that way. I was raised with the notion to help others how you would want to be helped, and I have a real soft spot for mental health struggles. Aside from my own anxiety and previous eating disorder, my husband has struggled with depression on and off for as long as I’ve known him as does my sister amongst other things.

Fast forward to this morning when my MIL texted me saying that she has an intake appointment scheduled for this coming Monday… It didn’t feel right to gate-keep my direct line of help from her in the moment (or still really), but since then I really wish that I had sent her info for other offices/therapists and/or outright gently told her that I would prefer not to share a therapist with her. I have an appointment scheduled for tomorrow and I plan to table it with my therapist then and hopefully ensure they have some kind of practice rule against the same therapist treating family members? I honestly don’t know the inner workings of any of that.

To close this out, I guess what I’m trying to get at is that how my MIL went about this made me feel like taken advantage of in a way? Like rather than doing her own research or getting referrals from PCD, she chose to just follow me because she knows I’m going now? I already struggle with feeling like a doormat in life generally, but selfishly, this whole situation made me feel like I did a horrible job at protecting my own peace and she did a hell of a job at invading my newfound peace. Exhale. Thank you for taking the time to read this personal problem novel <3

Normal, but not. His Facebook search history was full of (very attractive )women, at first I thought he was using their pictures for pleasure which I didn’t find appropriate but could get past. I confronted him and his explanation was that when he felt insecure he imagined what it would be like to be a better looking guy and he ran through the list of girls (that he personally knows) that would feel attracted to him. At first it felt sad but then it set in that I am his consolation prize, if he was hotter they would like him but he is not so he is stuck with me. I am absolutely livid and don’t know what to even respond or do.

Throwaway account because I don’t want this person to know I posted about them on my main reddit.
I paid a close friend to check in on my two cats (5 years old, indoor cats) while I was out of state. For context, this person has 3 cats of their own that are well cared for. I paid them 150 for 4 days of drop-in visits. Instructions were to feed them twice a day, including their supplements, check their water fountain levels (they have one in the bedroom and one in the living room), engage in some play, and clean their litter boxes when needed (3 in total across the house). I turned my A/C down to 75 but left it on because we were experiencing a heatwave in my state before I left.
I don’t think I’ve ever been more dumbfounded and upset than when I came home. My A/C had been COMPLETELY turned off (I have an older thermostat and it had been switched to “off”). The inside of my place was 86 degrees. My cats were yowling at me the second I walked through the front door. Their litter boxes were filthy and appeared to not have been touched. I trusted this person and considered them a friend.
Furthermore, things were unplugged and they had left me a mess. Empty tube treats left out to spoil in the heat on my kitchen counter versus in the kitchen trash can. Wet cat food splashed up the side of my kitchen wall/fridge.
Nothing was missing or damaged (thankfully) but to say I’m pissed off is a massive understatement. They checked in daily to say the cats had been fed and sent pictures but never asked permission before touching my A/C. They never even informed me that they had turned it off.
What the hell do I do? I’ve stopped talking to this person but I’m still infuriated that this even happened. I have no idea how to proceed. I would have never done this to their babies and I’m sickened that they thought it was ok to do to mine.

I (F20) met this guy on Instagram (M22), let’s call him Jake, about 6 months ago. I’m in Canada and am moving from a different province for my college program. Jake lives in that province about a 30 minute drive away from my campus. Originally it was just friendly, but it turned into more than that. We consistently FaceTimed and texted everyday for the entire 6 months. Great communication, we had our arguments and what not, but overall our personalities meshed super well together. I felt like I could be myself completely when talking to him.

We had outlined our relationship as “long distance” even though we had never met in person before. It was easiest that way because we agreed we were exclusively only talking to each other and had plans to be together when I moved. I had planned a trip to Ontario as I was allowed to stay on campus, and wanted to get a feel for how big my dorms were going to be. Part of this trip was also of course to finally spend time with him and see if we were actually fitting together well for a relationship.

He picks me up at the airport, and we spend hours together. It feels just as it’s felt the entire 6 months, and we can’t keep our hands off each other. He voices multiple times how beautiful I am and how he sees this genuinely going somewhere. I stay over at his house the first night of my trip, and we hookup…multiple times🤣. Now obviously I’m not naive, and know that even if we hook up that doesn’t mean that he’s not going to change his mind and ghost me the next day. But it was consensual on both sides, we were obviously feeling each other and you know how it goes. I woke up the next day to him kissing me on the forehead and pulling the blanket up over me…so cute! He then says he has to pick up some groceries for breakfast and I go with him, however THIS is where the weird vibes start happening. First he says I should put on some concealer because I look tired after I was deciding whether it was worth it to put any on for a grocery store run…ouch, didn’t know I looked too tired to be in public with you with a natural face😭. Then at the store he parks, gets out of the car, and doesn’t even wait for me to get my leg out of the door before starting to walk towards the entrance. I get out of the car and speed walk to catch up, but even inside he seems to be walking in front of me. I will admit, my demeanour changed slightly as I noticed this. I’ve had exes do this because they were “embarrassed” to be seen with me. I mean…I’m not ugly if he was all over me and talking to me for 6 months…so why would he be acting like this?

We get back to his house, and he was still kind of off but joking around with me acting a bit more like he was the previous day. I brush it off as maybe he just wanted to get groceries and go, we spend more time together. After that, we’re just sort of chilling and I ask him, “are you sure you couldn’t feel my IUD at any point?”. Feeling the plastic of an IUD means it’s shifted out of place and can damage my cervix and means it’s not as effective, and I asked him once last night when he said no. He then said “yeah I could, every time we had sex”….meaning he lied about something obviously important, and claimed he didn’t tell the truth because “it wasn’t something I could control”. He then wanted to have sex again, but unfortunately when I went to pee, I could smell myself a little…ladies will know what I mean. My pH was thrown off because I wore tight shorts on the plane for hours, it was over 30 degrees the entire time so I sweating, and I had just had sex with a new partner! All of those made sort of a musty smell, I am pretty sensitive and it takes my body a little to adjust. When I said “maybe not right now, I smell a little bit down there”, and looks at me and says “yeah you do” and makes a face. He’s not a stupid guy, he knows how pH works, and still chose to make that comment.

Fast forward, we’re in the car on the way to my campus, his vibes were off again. And I brought up how it was totally okay if he felt like this wasn’t for him, and how I’d just like some communication if that was the case. He reassured me multiple times that he wanted to be with me and that everything was totally okay. He drops me off, doesn’t kiss or hug me goodbye and then the next few days were pretty much radio silence. He works full time so I wasn’t stressing about it. Just texting as I usually would, and when I asked how his day was before work he says it was good and that he just deep cleaned his room. This was the same day he dropped me off…deep cleaning right after I’d been there? Weird…but okay.

The next few days we barely talk, and I know something is wrong. So I call him. We talk about the whole situation and I’m feeling hurt because he basically tells me he doesn’t want anything to do with me, that he still cares for me, etc. Things get a little heated when he mentions the fact that I “smelled” was a complete turn off for him, and that I was unhygienic. Also making a point to comment that his ENTIRE ROOM AND CAR SMELLED LIKE IT? Made me feel like shit obviously, but I knew the smell wasn’t that bad…and im sorry but sex does have a smell and it just smelled like sex in his room lol not like my wonky pH alone. He watched me take a shower before and after we had sex at all too. I should have handled it better, but I got so upset with how disrespectful it was when he knew all of the things contributing to a shift in my pH and how that seemed to be the main reason he stopped communicating with me. We took time to cool down and the next day he met up with me to explain himself better about why this wasn’t working for him. He gave me the stupid lecture every guy does about how he’s just not ready for a relationship and he’s not where he wants to be financially…like of course you’re not YET? YOU’RE 22 and you knew this the entire 6 months we’d been talking and planning. But the entire time after that when we were just sitting in the car, he’s holding my hand, joking with me, and being more affectionate than he was the morning after our first night together.

Talk about a total switch up? He was looking at me like he truly liked me in addition to the affection. I pointed it out right on the spot and he didn’t have an answer for me. He basically just said “I guarantee I’ll regret breaking this off, and end up hitting you up a couple months from now asking to get back tg. I still like you a lot”. WTF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

Anyway, I don’t regret sleeping with him, I don’t regret talking or getting to know him. BUT i do feel hurt and upset about the comments he made about my body. This situation happened 3 months ago, and the comments he made about my smell have made me so self conscious where I haven’t let any guy even cuddle me in fear that he’ll smell something…even when I can’t smell myself I have this anxiety about whether other people can smell it.

I just feel like even if it was that bad, maybe he could have been more gentle about it…Am I being too sensitive and paranoid? I take care of my body and am mindful. Any other ladies had a similar experience? I’m really struggling with confidence in that part of my life now.

Hey! I’ve asked for advice in this community before, and y’all were very helpful, so I’m back.

I (30F) am trying to decide how much contact I want with my dad (57M). A little background: I grew up in a very conservative, religious family and was homeschooled my entire life. I was the black sheep, and I managed to leave for university when I was 19. I now live abroad, I’ve come out as a lesbian, and I am not religious.

Unfortunately, there was a lot of physical abuse in my home, primarily against me. My dad was obsessed with breaking my will, and he was a follower of James Dobson, the Pearls etc. He bit me, punched me and briefly knocked me unconscious, and spanked me at least a few times a week.

He also has a mental illness that he’s always refused to treat. He used to smear all the doorways in our house with oil, stay up all night praying, and wander the neighborhood “casting out demons.” It was very scary for me as a little kid. He also used to say that he’d kill me “if god told him to.” He loved to talk about the End of Days and how we’d be tortured to death for being Christian.

Because of his beliefs, we didn’t go to school, and he always told us not to trust CPS, as they’d take us away. We switched churches every few years as he became more conservative. That barely scratches the surface, but it gives you a general idea.

However, he was horribly abused by his biological parents, to the point that he still has physical scars. His mother was in turn abused by her parents, so it’s abuse all the way down. My dad’s a very influenceable and gullible guy in general, and he happened to fall in with a conservative Christian crowd when I was a baby. If he’d been hanging around with a different group, I think I’d have had a different upbringing.

There were also times when he was a good dad. He taught me to forage and mushroom hunt, he took me on road trips, and he protected me from his own abusive mother. I don’t doubt he loves me. I think it would crush him if I went low contact.

He’s sort of out of the fundamentalist scene now. My mom is no longer religious, and about ten years ago she forced him to get on medication and clean up his act, or else they’d divorce. However, he has a business that makes its money from right-wing/ fundamentalist Christian customers, so he still presents himself that way. He loves to bend my ear about his “parental rights” and his belief that homeschooling is great and should never be regulated. His other beliefs are a mix of right and moderate. He’s recently decided to be pro-LGBT (though he doesn’t tell his customers that) because my sister, his golden child, came out.

Given all of this, I’m not sure if I should limit contact. When I call my mom and he’s there, he insists she put the phone on speaker so he can participate. Otherwise, he almost never reaches out to me directly (maybe 2-3x a year for specific purposes).

What would you do? I’d especially like to hear from people who have been in similar situations and went LC. Have you regretted it? Has there been pushback from other family members? Is my situation “bad enough” to warrant lower contact?

Big thanks to anyone who read all that. I do really appreciate it :)

So, for some backstory here, my boyfriend (23M) and I (20F) met in January of 2025. We were in a situationship for a couple of months before I told him I was sick of that and we ended up together. We ended up breaking up in November because I was having serious mental health issues at the same time as a massive negative event in his life and it was just overwhelming. While we were apart, I moved away to another state. We kept in touch, and were friends, until April of this year, when he reached back out to me more seriously and told me he thought he had made a mistake and wanted to try again long distance. I live about five hours away from him right now.

Okay, now, there was a girl that I was introduced to by my bf, an ex of his former college roommate. They were friends and I thought maybe she and I could be too. We will call her Iris (21F). Iris was initially very sweet to me and I started to think she and I could be good friends. However, she soon started saying things to me like “you shouldn’t bother with ‘bf’, it’s not going to work out anyway” or “well, I’m more loyal to you than I am to him, so I have your back”. It gave me very bad vibes and I stopped really engaging with her. She began to get very touchy with my bf while we were together, and he reciprocated within polite boundaries (returning a hug before backing away) because he was trying to be friendly with her. Overall, she always made me very uncomfortable because it was clear to me that she was after him.

When he and I broke up in November, I moved away a month later. He ended up starting a situationship with Iris. He admitted to me on the phone, drunk, while with her, that he was only doing it because he was lonely and didn’t want to be by himself. He called her unsupportive and annoying, and I encouraged him to end things with her, not for my sake but for his, because she was genuinely making him miserable. After a few months of her telling him she “just couldn’t” make things official, he found out she was sleeping with and dating two other men the whole time. Including going out on Valentine’s Day with someone an hour after their Valentine’s Day date. He, of course, ended their romantic involvements.

About a month ago, Iris reached out and contacted me to tell me that she went over to my bf’s place about a week prior and they slept together. At the time she told me this happened, he and I were on the phone. I know this did not happen. She did go to see him, but it was brief and things were kept civil. I told her for the first time exactly what I thought of her and essentially told her to f*ck off. She became very pissed and posted a note on Instagram that read “choosing second best is some crazy shit” and posted a story to the song ‘taste’ by Sabrina carpenter. I blocked her on Instagram and all other platforms.

For a long while, I hated this woman so much I quite literally wanted to destroy her life as much as possible. I considered signing her up for the military, no joke, then realized how stupid that was. I spent so much effort hating and being angry with her. But now it’s gotten to the point where I just never want to see her, or hear her name again.

My issue is here: my boyfriend is still trying to be friendly with her. I don’t honestly know why. I’m certain they aren’t sleeping together. I’m certain they have not since we’ve been together again. That is not where my question lies. My question is this: would it be out of bounds for me to tell him contact with her is a dealbreaker? I don’t want to be controlling about his friends or who he gets to talk to, but I want this woman out of my life forever.

This is my first Reddit post so apologies if I haven’t structured things correctly.

A little background I broke up with my long term partner at the end of last year which should have happened 1-2 years earlier. Since the break up I’ve live alone with my dog and have been very happy. My ex and I supported the same soccer team which was a big part of our relationship. I believe if our team weren’t in the title race for the last 3-4 years the relationship would have ended sooner.

My team won the league for the first time in over 20 years. I had planned to be at my parents to watch the last game of the season. However with our biggest rivals drawing their second last game of the season my team won the league based on points difference mid week. I was by myself, celebrating. This is something that I had hoped would happen for 4 years, where I invested so much time in and I had nobody to celebrate with. My friends aren’t into football so they don’t understand the emotional rollercoaster of being a die hard fan.

I loved going on social media that evening and seeing everyone so happy and celebrating. One video really stuck with me, ‘Marley wake up’ where the mother woke their youngest child up to see them win the league and celebrate as a family. I’m really happy they got to experience that together but it hurt to watch because they were living out my dream. Out of all the milestones of having a chilled selfishly this is what I would love to experience with my future child/children (if i have them).

Each time I think back to that evening I should feel so much joy but I can’t stop crying every time I think about me celebrating on my own.

Thanks for reading if you got this far, I needed to put these feelings somewhere.

I (26F) and my partner (28M) have been together for 3 years. Our relationship has been absolutely perfect. The first day we meet we connected instantly and I had this deep reaction that I knew he was going to be a huge part in my life. I was freshly out of a breakup of 6 years. My ex cheated on me, lied, and I hate to say it but the last two years of that relationship I didn’t have emotional ties. When I finally ended things I felt excited to get out and meet friends and maybe future love connections! But wasn’t planning on a long term relationship for awhile.

Two months after that I met my current partner. It was amazing. We clicked instantly and had so much in common. I will admit it felt soon, but all of it felt so right. Nine months later we moved in together. It was such a dream. We live in a medium sized city. Our apartment is historic and has so much character and over the years we have built this to be our home. I have always felt so sure about this relationship… until 4 months ago.

Things started to become more resentful and rough. We honestly both have been struggling a lot on feeling fulfilled and happy with past resentment. Three nights ago we got into it. Arguing and yelling. We both started saying hurtful things and he said “I am not attracted to the person you are”. I won’t lie because of being cheated on in the past I started to spiral. I took his phone off the couch and went to the bedroom. I wanted to go through it because in my mind I don’t understand how everything switched instantly so I immediately go into something is going on. I was on it for 15-20 seconds and he slammed into the room. Instantly he tried grabbing for his phone and in the process grabbing me. It made all of it seem more sketchy so I tossed the phone under my side of the bed and he pushed me down with it. I have a small walkway between the bed and the wall so I was stuck upside down with him above me. I was able at that point to get myself upright and he started grabbing my face, my neck, pulling my hair. I got a cut on my neck. My chin and shoulder are bruised. I think the most damaging part is during this process he said this was my fault for wanting to go through his phone and he’s trying to calm/restrain me.

I gave up and started to have a panic attack screaming that he was going to k*** me(it genuinely felt like that for a moment) and for him to get away from me. He backed off. Obviously knew how bad this was. Started saying sorry and trying to help me. I just kept screaming for him to get away from me. I have gone the past two days numb. Him being around and being gentle and affectionate. Saying sorry multiple times and telling me how he fucked up. I guess my question is what do I do?

I know how bad this is, I know it’s not acceptable but everything has been so great before this. He told me I can always go through his phone but he doesn’t understand why I want to do it in private or “secret”. What do I do?

I (29F) was raised in a very large, loving, “yours, mine and ours” family which included 8 sets of grandparents (due to divorces, remarriages, adoption, etc.) and many aunts, uncles and cousins. Most of my weekends and school vacations were spent with various grandparents, aunts and uncles. However, I also have lots of aunts and uncles who I only have really spent time with for Thanksgiving, Christmas, funerals and weddings. My childhood was full of love, joy and happiness due to the MANY family members who dedicated time to my wellbeing.

Throughout my childhood, as I assume is typical, different “branches” of my family often debated politics over dinner tables, which sometimes led to falling outs between various individuals. As the division of family was always disappointing to me, I always hoped to never let politics impact my familial relationships.

In my early 20’s, I earned a bachelor’s degree in Social Studies Education and Anthropology. I have worked as a high school social studies teacher, have made wonderful friends with immigrants from all over the world, and now work in child protective services with a dedicated caseload of unaccompanied non-citizen youth. Specifically, I work with immigrant children who have been orphaned, abused, neglected, or abandoned by their parents - or, in some cases, trafficked into the US. My young clients are some of the bravest, kindest most resilient, and hardworking people I have ever met. The trauma they have experienced is incomparable to anything else. They’ve witnessed siblings drown in violent rivers; they’ve watched jaguars eat people; they’ve carried younger children over rainforest mountains for weeks at a time; they’ve been victim to sexual abuse, and so much more. Yet, they are incredibly loving, thoughtful and grateful for the lives they have. Serving them feels like an honor. Knowing them is inspiring. My work brings value to my life in ways I don’t think many people get to experience. Due to my educational background and profession, human rights has become a central part of my identity in many ways. With ICE presence escalating and threatening my community members, friends and clients on a regular basis, the political landscape in America has become integrated into my personal life like never before. I have also become very loud about my advocacy on social media, as I feel is my civic duty and moral responsibility, especially since I come from a privileged background. To be silent, while working in the position I have, during the harsh realities of this administration, is impossible.

Knowing my profession, educational background, social circles and stances on topics such as immigration and Palestine, several family members from different “branches” of my family tree have worked to intentionally make me feel uncomfortable at family events, spoken ill about me behind my back and have warned me about choosing friends and boyfriends who come from “terrorist” countries. I have been careful to avoid bringing up any divisive topics at family functions for the past few years, but it seems that my presence is a call-to-action for several of my family members to bring these topics to the forefront of conversation.

On one side of my family, my late grandfather had a rule to never discuss politics, health, finances or religion at holidays. Since his passing, this has not been respected. My step-uncle hosts Christmas and Thanksgiving every year and he put a political Christmas tree, propaganda-themed Wine in the middle of the dining table and wore a politically charged shirt. Despite this, I did not engage in any conversation about my social life, work or politics at the holiday. His daughter reached out to me on social media a few months after to tell me I was wrong and immoral for protecting “illegal aliens” and “Muslim Terrorists” then proceeded to block me. Since my grandfather’s passing, I don’t have a desire to attend holidays with this side of the family. But I know my absence would break my step-grandmother’s heart and would be a huge disappointment to my late grandfather.

On another side of my family, my grandmother called me “disgraceful, disappointing and disgusting” behind my back to other family members, for working with immigrants. She has warned me against dating men from the Middle East and Southern Asia as they will “steal my children and bring them back to their country.” A couple of years ago, I stopped to visit these grandparents on my way through their town, and they shamed me for several hours about my social circle, until I left sobbing in the middle of the night. These are people who had been there for me at incredibly difficult times in my life. I’ve lived with them. They brought me on road trips and were the best grandparents I could have asked for when I was a child. In the past couple of years, I’ve found myself having to compartmentalize the version of them I experienced as a child from the version of them that is emotionally abusive of me as an adult. Currently, I have gone nearly no-contact with them. Last year for Christmas, they had my brother deliver a card with $100 for me, to my parent’s house. Not wanting to accept or refuse it, I donated the money to legal representation for an Angolan pastor in my community who had been kidnapped by ICE 2 days before Christmas. This was not only a worthy cause, but a form of peaceful poetic justice that seemed like the only reasonable action.

Due to being adopted, many members of my biological family did not have any obligation to continue to nurture, care for or love me. Nevertheless, they remained consistent family throughout my childhood. For this reason, I’ve generally continued to show up to family functions, help with ill family members, etc. largely out of obligation. However, when I’m spending holidays that should represent peace, community, thanks and love with people who don’t treat me or the people I love with respect, it is difficult to consider maintaining these familial relationships.

AITAH for avoiding my family and holiday functions due to ethical disagreements?

I (F34) recently broke up with my boyfriend (M37) of 18 months and I’m struggling with whether I was being unreasonable.

This was genuinely the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had. He was kind, loving, supportive, and we communicated well. I honestly thought he was the person I would spend my life with.
The issue wasn’t that he treated me badly. It was that I started feeling like our relationship wasn’t progressing and that I wasn’t being chosen when it came to our future.

When we met, he was living in a share house. Over time he became very close with his housemates, and I genuinely like them too. They are wonderful people.

One of his housemates, who owns the house (I’ll call him Eric), needs to be away for an extended period due to serious personal circumstances. I completely understand why my boyfriend wants to support Eric and his partner, Eileen.

The issue is that the timeline keeps changing and there is no clear end date. It could potentially be another year or two before the situation changes.
My boyfriend feels a strong moral obligation to stay living there while Eric is away. He feels he needs to help look after the house and support Eileen, and sees it as a matter of integrity.

I understand wanting to support friends through a difficult time. My struggle is that I don’t understand why that support requires him to continue living there indefinitely. I never wanted him to abandon them, I wanted us to find a way to support them while also building our future together.

We have different views on priorities. I see my partner as my primary commitment and would prioritise my partner when making major life decisions while still supporting my friends. I understand everyone views this differently, but it has hurt feeling like the house situation has come before our relationship.

After 18 months together, I wanted us to start making plans to live together. He feels that is rushing the relationship and wants to wait another year. The problem is his timeline depends on the house situation resolving itself, and there is no clear timeline for that.

I tried to compromise and suggested different options, but he feels I’m the one unwilling to compromise.
From his perspective, I’m putting pressure on him and unfairly asking him to choose between me and his friends. He feels I’m rushing a healthy relationship.

From my perspective, I wasn’t asking him to abandon anyone or choose between us. I was asking whether our relationship was a priority and whether we were actively building towards the same future.

We ended things because neither of us could move past this.

Now I’m questioning myself because he genuinely believes I was in the wrong. He thinks I was rushing the relationship, while I feel that after 18 months, in our mid-to-late thirties, wanting a clearer path toward living together is reasonable.

AITA for deciding that waiting indefinitely for him to be ready wasn’t enough for me?