My mom is entering her late 60's and is somewhat what I would consider historically neurotic. Of course we aren't there yet, but I worry deeply she will develop alzheimers or otherwise have issues driving, and it will be a nightmare that I cannot handle. She's some one who, lets say, has a lot of pride in her own, independent decision making. Perpetually unhappy with any residential work she pays people for, but still holds pride in her navigation of the world. That said, I work with the elderly, and she reminds me of all the other Irish Catholic people who eventually refuse to give up driving, even when they have nowhere to go and they're having incidents when they're trying to go anywhere.
She is easily distracted and stops talking mid sentence, to start talking about new things she is visually triggered by -- what people are wearing, how people are monitoring their children, people with their dogs, you name it; but hey, I'm not here for advice on whether I should consider this rude or disrespectful to me. I'm here because it applies to her driving, which is could be described as heavily reactionary-defensive, and a model Y seems like the right move. I'm looking for affirmation just on a logical level here.
I pretty much don't give my mom advice. I am why she has an iphone, why she likes Sonos, and my gut tells me this is the next thing I can introduce to her. I try to get her to eat more and consider breaking her very autopilot home routine to get out of the box and say, exercise, but she rejects pretty much any input from me and only "has so much time in the day with laundry and yardwork etc". Buying a Tesla is genuinely the only other thing I recommend -- recently she said "just so you know, I don't want to you to try and convince me to buy a Tesla. I know you like them and that's your thing, I'm not interested". She's aware that I believe she should have sold her low mileage Rav4 during COVID, when she could have gotten EV incentives as well as made a killing selling her Toyota.
She is fragile and thin, doesn't eat enough, and I always tell her she is in fight or flight and would feel her nerves relax if she just ate more long-term proteins. I believe because she is starving herself, she is just buzzing around, easily annoyed, even forgetful. She is always losing her keys or glasses, not knowing where she put stuff and so on. Through out the morning into the evening -- she consumes a TON of carbs, snacks, sugars and top of coffee -- little to no salt, meat, fats. Lunch comes around? PB + J. It's just glucose glucose glucose. Which to me... is directly related to her driving habits. Last year, some one went over her lane and sideswiped her car. She didn't handle her insurance or his insurance well; other driver was disputing it, she paid hundreds of dollars out of pocket for a rental car, just took everything she was told by insurance and ate it without fighting back. Her car is now covered in massive scratches, gouges in the body causing rust, and she paid the deductable to have one part of the car repainted -- which to me made no sense when the rest of it looks quite beat up. She won't accept some one looking out for her.... so all I can think is could she learn to accept some THING looking out for her? A tesla would have gotten the accident on video, for example.
She has a 2012 Rav4 4 cylinder. I'm not entirely sure, but I think the drive-by-wire system in might be why the acceleration is so jerky, but it is very, very jarring to drive with her. We're either accelerating hard or braking hard, or being tossed around hard. She has a lower trim model with small wheels and extremely fat tires, which contributes to a lot of bounce and jerkiness, and she hits every pothole there is. Whenever other cars are approaching intersections, stop signs, etc. she starts braking heavily to the point where she encourages people to dart out in front of her, or not comprehend what she is doing. Every time I'm with her I'm blown away at how filthy her windshield is; she usually refuses to spray it because "the fluid collects on the sides"; stuff like this is increasingly alarming to me. Her hearing is getting worse, and I worry her eyesight is too. She doesn't tell me about her trips to the mechanic, because she doesn't want my opinion. Not long after the car was new it always just seemed to need suspension or brake work that should be done at the same time instead of every few months. It's always like a 1500+ dollar bill -- but again, she's never considered consulting me -- not to say hey does this price sound right, or should i get this done, or should i wait; even though I'm her mechanic husband's kid who would be next in line to look out for her(I am an old school car guy and have fixed all of my own cars for all of my life. My cars don't go to shops, period.). She doesn't trust me with anything, so it hurts me, but I don't think she realizes how much it's going to continue to hurt her to depend on only her own thinking and opinions. It's a changing world. My grandmother had several incidents and had to get her car stuck on a curb before she finally was willing to give up driving. Some people wait until they plow into a busy diner.
My question is NOT -- should I disregard my mom's autonomy and personal preference and force her to buy an EV instead of a new, big auto industry gas vehicle, which she wants? Not that I would try to do that, anyway
My question is -- based on the outline of my mothers age and health, what I've described about her driving habits and relationship with 4,000 pound SUV's, doesn't it seem like a no brainer for some one like her to start training their noggin' for 1-pedal driving -- now? and drive a car that in 5, 10, 15 years, will look out for her in a way nothing else currently can? plus, god forbid she was in an accident, if she got another -- the UI would be the same; she wouldn't have to learn how to use a new software based product all over again, all with it's own, completely unique system... which can be dangerous at 75, 80 years old, driving down the street, trying to zoom in on the navigation or something.
am i crazy for feeling strongly on this? again, really just looking for affirmation. We took a test drive in a model Y a couple years ago -- but I don't think she actually experienced the car. She kept telling me we were on our way back to the dealership when I kept telling her she was going the exact opposite direction... After a mile or two she started telling me to shut up and to wait until we were around the next turn, several times, with no "oh here we are, told ya so" moment. Miles went by..... and then she goes "okay, yea, this isn't where I thought it was". Then I had to drive us back...
Thanks for listening if you got this far and any comments on the matter. This is as much a painful post as a child of an elderly parent in a "what do i do" moment, as much as it is a question about an average elderly person owning a Tesla -- which I honestly believe should be strong public knowledge. Unless I'm missing something, I think these are currently the best last car.