My kid is 8 and has somehow narrowed his acceptable dinner list down to basically nothing over the last year. I work full time and by the time we get home I am not trying to experiment and have it go sideways, so I keep defaulting to the same rotation and now even I am sick of it.

The thing is he used to eat everything. Then one day pasta with red sauce became the enemy and now I am negotiating every single night. I have started letting him pick one ingredient and I build around it, which works maybe half the time. The other half he changes his mind after I am already cooking.

Someone at work mentioned doing a loose weekend prep thing where the kid helps pick and cook, so they feel more bought in by the time it shows up on a weeknight. Tried it once and it genuinely helped but I have not been consistent about it.

Curious what other dads have figured out here. Is it just a phase or did something actually shift things for you. Not talking about hiding vegetables in stuff, more like a real change in how you handle the dinner situation.

After seeing my ex partner with her new partner at the park and my daughter holding his hand. I broke down guys and I’ve been in this situation since then I haven’t gone . Just locked my self in my house and doing nun but being a sad man. Ontop she’s been keeping her from me it’s been a month about to go on two months since I’ve seen my daughter.

I’m struggling a bit at the moment and honestly just feel like I’m slowly losing my daughter.

I want to tell the whole story because I don’t want to paint myself as the victim or leave out the parts where I’ve made mistakes.

Earlier this year my marriage ended after my wife discovered I’d been having an affair with a work colleague. I take full responsibility for that. It was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, and I know the pain and damage it caused. I wasn’t a good husband, and I don’t expect anyone to defend my actions.

What I can’t come to terms with is feeling like I’m now losing my relationship with my daughter because of the mistakes I made in my marriage.

My daughter is five years old, and from the day she was born she has been my absolute world.

Before we separated, parenting was genuinely shared between the two of us. I wasn’t the dad who just played with her on weekends while Mum did everything else. We were both heavily involved in raising her, and if I’m being completely honest, I often felt like I was actually the more hands-on parent.

I did school drop-offs almost every morning, regularly picked her up from childcare, had her every Wednesday while my wife worked, shared bedtime routines, took her to swimming and dancing, and spent countless hours taking her to parks, building cubbies, reading books, doing arts and crafts and just being present in her everyday life.

Before everything blew up, our relationship was already breaking down and my wife and I had actually spoken several times about what would happen if we ever separated. Even though she knew about my recreational drug use, she repeatedly said we’d share our daughter’s care equally. On more than one occasion she even suggested a week-on, week-off arrangement.

We also discussed the possibility of her moving to Mildura (7 hours away from where we currently live) one day, where her sister currently lives. At the time, she reassured me she wouldn’t do that because she knew how much it would impact my relationship with our daughter. We both agreed that our daughter deserved to have both parents actively involved in her life.

Everything changed after the affair was discovered. In fact when finding out about the affair she sent me a message saying, “You will not be getting 50/50.”

From that point on, everything became legal.

There is an Intervention Order proceeding that is now likely to resolve without admissions, with my daughter being removed as a protected person. The parenting matter is still ongoing.

One of the biggest issues being raised against me is my recreational drug use, she is trying to make it out as if I have substance abuse issues and am dangerous which is entirely untrue.

The first time I ever used drugs was last year. Over roughly a 4 month period from

November until we separated in March, I used drugs on 6 occasions in total over roughly four months. Every single occasion was at music festivals or events. It was never around my daughter, never while I was caring for her and never impacted my parenting. It was entirely recreational and very occasional. I’m not trying to say that I’m not in the wrong, but I also don’t think it’s fair to portray me as someone with ongoing substance abuse issues or as a drug addict.

I’ve voluntarily undertaken hair follicle testing, with test results that should be coming back in a few weeks completely clean, and I’ve offered to continue drug testing if it provides reassurance that my daughter is safe in my care. Despite that, my ex’s solicitor continues referring to “long-term sobriety” without ever defining what that actually means. It honestly feels like every time I satisfy one requirement, another one appears.

At the moment, I still do not even have regular supervised visits with my daughter. In the past 140 days I’ve seen my Daughter for a total of 1.5 hours when I was given “permission” to attend her cheerleading competition a month ago. All other contact I’ve had with her during this period has been limited to video calls.

I’ve complied with everything that’s been asked of me. I’ve attended every visit, undertaken counselling, stopped using drugs completely, cooperated with testing and done everything I can to show that my daughter is safe with me. Yet I still feel like the goalposts keep moving.

The latest proposal from my ex has honestly broken me.

She now wants to relocate approximately 7 hours away to Mildura.

Her proposal would mean I see my daughter one weekend a month in Melbourne, one weekend a month in Mildura, some school holiday time and phone calls during the week. I would see her 4 days in every month. To me, that’s not being a father. That’s becoming someone she visits.

I wouldn’t be there for school drop-offs or pick-ups. I wouldn’t help with homework. I wouldn’t take her to extracurricular activities. I wouldn’t really be parenting her. I’d miss all of the ordinary moments that actually build a parent-child relationship. I feel like I’d stop being Dad and become someone she sees every now and then.

I will obviously not be accepting this proposal and be doing what I can to fight against the move. But I fear I’m just going to end up losing.

The hardest part is knowing this wasn’t always the plan. Before the affair, we both talked about sharing our daughter’s care equally if we separated. We both agreed that relocating away from the other parent wasn’t something we’d do.

Now it feels like everything has changed.

I know there’ll be people reading this thinking, “Well, you had an affair.”

They’re right. I did. I own that completely. But while I wasn’t a good husband, I have always been an amazing father.

My daughter has been my number one priority since the day she was born. I’ve always been active, involved and hands-on, and we’ve shared an incredibly close relationship. I have never done anything that would put her safety or wellbeing at risk, and I never would.

What scares me the most is that keeping us apart for so long is already affecting our relationship. Every month that goes by is another month of memories I don’t get to make with her, having a relationship through a screen has become the norm and I worry about the long-term impact that has on both of us.

I’m not posting this looking for sympathy or people to justify the affair. I’m looking for advice from dads who’ve walked a similar road.

Has anyone successfully opposed a relocation like this?

Has anyone gone from no time, to supervised time back to unsupervised or equal care?

Has anyone felt like the goalposts just kept moving no matter what they did?

Just any general advice on this situation would be greatly appreciated.

If you got this far thank you so much for taking the time to read this.

my ex and I share a 8yr old daughter. Ex slanders me any chance she gets and claims I ”abused” her to everyone we know and the internet when I have primary custody and her only getting every other weekend. she lives about 4 hours away. judge put a no contact order in place because things were so toxic she would abuse my family wizard at 1am. 3 rd parties do the transitions my gram and her mom. also the judge stated even if we agree we can’t go off the order. my question is why am I being forced into coparent counseling? she only had every other weekend, there’s a no contact order, judge says we can’t stray from our order even if her and I agree. so what purpose will this serve other than her narcas games per usual? anyone else have a situation like this? I’m in Indiana if that matters. (also to add she has several mental health issues, 302”d multiple times, abused me with weapons etc)

It seems we’re living in a moment in time, where expectations and the role of the father has shifted significantly over even just the past 20-30 years.

There’s an expectation then men show up. They burden half the parenting responsibilities and domestic tasks. Women want and can have careers, and the idea of the primary caregiver has blurred for many families.

I hear of a lot of men whose relationship has broken down partly because they weren’t ‘pulling their weight’. They weren’t contributing to a household enough or parenting. I was one of those and to a certain extent I can see how that was the case (despite some other factors).

Now she has left, and we are 50:50, and I am showing up for my child, their mother does not like this. She does not like that I am more active, I have more of a say, and more engaged now. She doesn’t like when I have an opinion, or advocate for what I think is right for our child.

We are 50:50, but her work and career, means she is less than that. I prioritise my career and work around my child. She’s still trying to have it all. Can we ever really have it all? And if we can we have it all at once?

I no longer have to worry about my and hers relationship. I no longer have to be submissive, passive or agreeable.

You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

Anyone else experiencing this? How do you deal with the frustration and disrespect that comes from diminishing your role as a father due to the above paradox?

I have had sole custody of my kids (~7) for over 2 years now, ex hasn’t paid any child support but more significantly she has kept me in court for 6+ years at this point. I have won at every point but it has cost life changing sums of money.

Due to how badly my ex has behaved this has resulted in very significant awards of expenses against her (by courts in both the UK and the USA, I live in the UK, she lives in the USA now)

I haven’t really chased them up as she at one point mentioning filing for bankruptcy, and as she was jobless and living at her mums I didn't think there was much to collect. However a few years have passed, I believe she has bought a house and in order to afford a house she must have some income (fairly certain its not coming from family) and so I don’t think filing for bankruptcy is as simple an option any more.

I will / am speaking to lawyers about this, but interested in hearing from anyone who went through any part of this process, particularly around figuring out / proving whether someone has income / assets in the USA etc.

I am a single 30 years old man living in France. I am doing a surrogacy in Mexico, and if everything goes correctly, I should have my first baby sometime next year.

To give a little bit more context :

• I was depressed two years ago. Mostly because of damaged self-confidence and a difficult breakup.
• Today, I am feeling way better. My work and my sport routine are mostly responsible for this.
• I am planning on taking a sabbatical year after the arrival of the baby, since I want to be able to spend time with her/him and build connection
• I started a calisthenic routine 18 months ago that did absolute wonders to me (It's called the Lafay method). I feel great. I'm fit and in shape. I sleep better, I have more muscles than I ever had, and I barely have any fat left. My self-confidence is back to healthy levels. Now, this routine is taking a significant amount of time (1 hour and a half to 2 hours a day), and is hard to maintain unless I am fresh and energetic.

I think you start to see the picture. While I can't say per se that I regret my decision of having a baby alone, because I deeply want to be a father, I am starting to come back to my senses and second-guess myself. Maybe I underestimated how tired and overwhelmed I will be in the first year, before the baby has a proper sleep schedule.

When I read about couples being overwhelmed by a single child, how will I do alone? My calisthenic routine will be impossible to maintain if I am constantly tired. It will be even worse if I am constantly moving, which is bound to happen in the beginning since the surrogacy is abroad. Even now, being childless, I kind of struggle with keeping the calisthenic alive when I travel, since my environment and routine change.

And I know that if I stop with my calisthenic routine, the benefits that go with it will stop, I'll stop being fit, and I'm afraid I could get depressed again, like I was two years ago. And from there both me and the baby will be miserable...

What are your thoughts on this? I am particularly interested in hearing experiences from alone parents, who had to find a way to free time for themselves, while properly caring for their child, and also maintaining enough energy for physical activities.

Hello fellow dads My name is Manuel I’m 23 from Tennessee and could really use some advice from other single dads

My wife and I were together for 8 years (still legally married looking for divorce lawyers still) We have three kids together and she suddenly left one day She hasn’t really been present and the kids still ask me about her wanting to invite her over or go to the mall and stuff like that with her that’s honestly one of the hardest parts

I’m doing everything I can for them but some days it’s heavy For the dads who’ve been through something similar how did you cope with the heartbreak and the loneliness? And how did you handle it when your kids kept asking about their mom?

I’m not looking to bash her I just want to hear from dads who’ve lived through this and came out the other side. Any advice would mean a lot thank you all!

I should also add that although we had three kids together our youngest was adopted by my parents due to issues involving DCS That’s why I refer to myself as a single dad of two

Hi everyone. I honestly don't even know where to type this out, my head feels like it's tearing apart. I could really use some outside perspective.

My partner and I are splitting up, she ended things at the end of May. She has purchased a property just a few minutes down the road and is moving out very soon. We have an 18-month-old toddler, so we are going to be co-parenting closely.

Since the breakup, things have been an absolute emotional blur. We've had two major bust-ups, but generally, we've still been getting on really well, we have dinner together as a family most nights and hang out as normal. It’s a nightmare trying to fully detach, especially since there's been a lot of push-and-pull, she sends mixed signals, I still find her very attractive, and when we get on, we get on well.

I'm definitely more hurt by the breakup than she is. She gets a fresh environment, while I'm stuck staying in our house, which is going to feel completely strange and hollow once she's actually gone. On top of having a very small support network outside of family, the loneliness is crushing.

My work have been great and have suggested they send me on a 2-to-3-week work trip to Asia starting right when she moves out.

• The Pros: It feels like an escape hatch from walking into an empty house and staring at the walls while my head spins. It would force physical distance and break the immediate shockwave. Honestly, I'm worried I wouldn't be a present or functional dad if I stayed right through the rawest part of the move.
• The Cons: I'd be away from my son for a couple of weeks, and the dad guilt is massive, even though I could do daily video calls. It feels selfish to even consider leaving.

Has anyone been through something similar? How do you survive the acute phase of a breakup with a toddler when your home suddenly feels empty and you've been living in this weird limbo of still hanging out? Should I take the trip to get some physical space, or will it just make things worse?

Any advice, thoughts, or hard truths are welcome. I'm just struggling hard right now.

I’m looking for examples of single dads in the above situation (my situation) who have done this. I can’t seem to find any. I’ve met plenty of single dads who had a successful business BEFORE they separated, but none who started one after. Anyone here know of anyone? I’m looking for examples and some inspiration. Surely there has to be someone who’s done this.

He won't listen. Always so messy. And he's 10! He can talk back now and thinks it's funny to not answer me straight. I sometimes imagine hitting him. But i stop myself.

Help!!!!

Hi guys,

I’m a single dad of a 9 year old daughter (soon to be 10), I have sole custody of the child for 2 years now. So far, I think I’m doing well. I just wanted to ask if there’s any advice from other dads in a similar situation on how I can be the best parent I can be, especially with no mother figure and I’m single with pretty much zero time for dating.

Kind regards,

for context, i made a post about a month ago outlining what was going in regarding a nasty custody battle for my daughter. since then thing on that front have improved significantly. her mom realized that she likes working full time, agreed to joint (50/50) custody and signed an agreement for my daughter to go to school here this year.

fast forward to Saturday July 10th.

up until this point we had, i though a rocky but ok relationship. we were establishing boundaries and rules and a schedule. but shortly after 8pm she came into my room and said she was having SI thoughts. i took this seriously, contacted a close friend to come over and talk to her.

she expressed to them that she had previously attempted shortly after arriving in the US. this was not relayed to me. instead they asked if they could take her for a few days to which i declined. (before you ask, i was genuinely livid when this came to my attention later on)

the following monday is when it all fell apart. i arrived home from work and was relaxing, i asked her if she wanted to go for B&J's ice cream, she responded that she was having SI thoughts and was concidering acting.

i immediately took her to the ER, where they interview her and agreed it was best to admit her for her safety.

since then it has continued to go downhill. we have had several failed therapy sessions where she got extremely angry started yelling about how she hated me and didn't want to live with me then would get up and storm out of the room.

today took the cake though. her mother and i were on zoom with my daughter and the therapist, her mother informed her that we had agreed and signed the documents for her to go to school here which resulted in a massive blowup directed at me. she was throwing expletives, calling me a MoFo, telling me to go F myself, that i was a POS, an SOB, and everything under the sun.

her mother was shocked. i was as well, i didn't know she had a vocabulary like that and had no idea where she had learned it from. it wasn't me, and i'm confident it wasn't her mom.

at this point, i don't know what to do. she is refusing to participate in therapy sessions, and refusing to participate in treatment. the facility has stated they will be discharging her to me NLT this thursday.

i'm honestly at a loss now. obviously she is going to require structure and boundaries and such, but i personally believe that she learned a lot of the buzzwords she's been using and also the profane language from her unrestricted and unmonitored social media access while her mom had her for 13 years. - my question is, do i cut off her social media completely?

i've made arrangements for her to maintain contact with some of her close friends and her mom through iMessage/Facetime and i have the ability to monitor and restrict her usage. is this going overboard though?

sorry for the stupid long post, btw.

***UPDATE***

so, since i made this post the other day things have escalated exponentially. she has since stated multiple times that if she goes home with me and is forced to stay she will do whatever she has to do to take her life.

at this point my hands are tied, i told her mom to buy her a ticket back to the philippines. i will not take the risk of calling her on her bluff and coming home one day to my daughter dead.

My son’s mom [F28] and I [M32] have been on and off ever since my son was born.[9 years] about 4 times. 1st time was 3 months- 2nd time was 7 months - 3rd time 2 years- and this time.

The most recent split was in February of this year.
Either way, she told me she was going on a 30-hour to visit one of our mutual friends. The 30
Hour trip was one-way road trip with my son the day before she left.
I was not comfortable enough for her to drive throughout the night, so I called off work and volunteered myself to tag along. Just for the drive, then fly back after we got to the destination.

(Friday morning) Throughout these 30 hours I became vulnerable and opened up to her. I told her how sorry I was and that I wanted to fix what we had the right way by doing everything she wanted now. Marriage, a house, the possibility of moving, and starting our lives all over again. She didn’t disagree but kept asking questions about how we would do it. I answered all her questions. I told her that I could see us working this out. Her response was only, “God knows.”
She also opened up about her status and told me she was seeing someone. This guy is married and has not filed for divorce. She has his initials tattooed on her. She grew attached to him because apparently he has been there for her. She then told me their relationship was not all that great, that it had been feeling off the past three weeks and could end sometime.

(The whole trip) She was consistently texting this person and speaking to him on the phone while I was there.

(Saturday night) We slept in the same bed like a family. I crossed a boundary I knew I shouldn’t have crossed, which was kissing her. She kissed me right back, which made me believe we would be able to work it out. I bought her some things she wanted, we held hands in public, and it felt like the whole relationship again.

(All day Sunday) Before my flight I asked her if she was ready for the drive in a couple of days. She mentioned that her “boyfriend” might be flying in and driving with her. I told her that if he didn’t, to let me know so I could fly back and drive them.
(Monday) I reached out to her and asked if he was really flying in. She said no. I asked her if I should buy my flight back, and she agreed.

(Tuesday night) I flew back. She picked me up from the airport.

(Wednesday) I was with her and my son all day. We were hanging out in the living room when she said, “You need to stop doing what you were doing.” I asked her what I was doing. She said the kissing, holding hands, and cuddling with her made her uncomfortable and she didn’t want it. She said I was confusing our son because he was asking questions about whether we were getting back together. I told her I would stop. No more crossing boundaries or making things uncomfortable and awkward for her.

(Thursday morning) We started our 30-hour journey. We planned a little road trip, stopping at places we wanted to see. Our first stop was 13 hours in. We booked a hotel and went out to eat dinner. I was in bed minding my business when she started being playful with her feet. I jokingly told her she should give me a massage like the old days. She did. We fell asleep cuddling with each other again.

(Friday) We did the things she and my son wanted to do. Visiting a museum. And even a national park. I wanted to take pictures with her and my son. She then said this was not a family trip and to stop making it awkward. She said she was exclusive to her guy and that he was exclusive to her. In the back of my mind I respected that, but I couldn’t understand why we had just cuddled the night before.

(Friday night) We drove 11 hours through the night to get to our next destination.

(Saturday) We booked another hotel and explored a place she wanted to see. We did activities with my son. Yet again, she was either walking behind us or ahead of us on the phone with her man. This made me upset.

(Saturday night) We went back to the hotel. I saw a gym and worked out for a bit. I showered and went to sleep. Throughout the night I felt her legs on my feet. I quickly pushed her away because I was trying to respect her boundaries.

(Sunday) We drove six hours home. About 45 minutes away from the house, I moved a Stitch plush from her dashboard and she quickly got mad because I kept moving it. It made the whole 45-minute drive awkward.
Today is Monday. I’m lost. I really want to fix things with her. I want her back. I want my family back.

Did I make a mistake by going on that trip with her?

LONG READ. I NEED A FEMALE PERSPECTIVE.
My son’s mom [F28] and I [M32] have been on and off ever since my son was born.[9 years] about 4 times. 1st time was 3 months- 2nd time was 7 months - 3rd time 2 years- and this time.

The most recent split was in February of this year.
Either way, she told me she was going on a 30-hour to visit one of our mutual friends. The 30
Hour trip was one-way road trip with my son the day before she left.
I was not comfortable enough for her to drive throughout the night, so I called off work and volunteered myself to tag along. Just for the drive, then fly back after we got to the destination.

(Friday morning) Throughout these 30 hours I became vulnerable and opened up to her. I told her how sorry I was and that I wanted to fix what we had the right way by doing everything she wanted now. Marriage, a house, the possibility of moving, and starting our lives all over again. She didn’t disagree but kept asking questions about how we would do it. I answered all her questions. I told her that I could see us working this out. Her response was only, “God knows.”
She also opened up about her status and told me she was seeing someone. This guy is married and has not filed for divorce. She has his initials tattooed on her. She grew attached to him because apparently he has been there for her. She then told me their relationship was not all that great, that it had been feeling off the past three weeks and could end sometime.

(The whole trip) She was consistently texting this person and speaking to him on the phone while I was there.

(Saturday night) We slept in the same bed like a family. I crossed a boundary I knew I shouldn’t have crossed, which was kissing her. She kissed me right back, which made me believe we would be able to work it out. I bought her some things she wanted, we held hands in public, and it felt like the whole relationship again.

(All day Sunday) Before my flight I asked her if she was ready for the drive in a couple of days. She mentioned that her “boyfriend” might be flying in and driving with her. I told her that if he didn’t, to let me know so I could fly back and drive them.
(Monday) I reached out to her and asked if he was really flying in. She said no. I asked her if I should buy my flight back, and she agreed.

(Tuesday night) I flew back. She picked me up from the airport.

(Wednesday) I was with her and my son all day. We were hanging out in the living room when she said, “You need to stop doing what you were doing.” I asked her what I was doing. She said the kissing, holding hands, and cuddling with her made her uncomfortable and she didn’t want it. She said I was confusing our son because he was asking questions about whether we were getting back together. I told her I would stop. No more crossing boundaries or making things uncomfortable and awkward for her.

(Thursday morning) We started our 30-hour journey. We planned a little road trip, stopping at places we wanted to see. Our first stop was 13 hours in. We booked a hotel and went out to eat dinner. I was in bed minding my business when she started being playful with her feet. I jokingly told her she should give me a massage like the old days. She did. We fell asleep cuddling with each other again.

(Friday) We did the things she and my son wanted to do. Visiting a museum. And even a national park. I wanted to take pictures with her and my son. She then said this was not a family trip and to stop making it awkward. She said she was exclusive to her guy and that he was exclusive to her. In the back of my mind I respected that, but I couldn’t understand why we had just cuddled the night before.

(Friday night) We drove 11 hours through the night to get to our next destination.

(Saturday) We booked another hotel and explored a place she wanted to see. We did activities with my son. Yet again, she was either walking behind us or ahead of us on the phone with her man. This made me upset.

(Saturday night) We went back to the hotel. I saw a gym and worked out for a bit. I showered and went to sleep. Throughout the night I felt her legs on my feet. I quickly pushed her away because I was trying to respect her boundaries.

(Sunday) We drove six hours home. About 45 minutes away from the house, I moved a Stitch plush from her dashboard and she quickly got mad because I kept moving it. It made the whole 45-minute drive awkward.
Today is Monday. I’m lost. I really want to fix things with her. I want her back. I want my family back.

Did I make a mistake by going on that trip with her?

So I am dating a single mom of two 9yr old twin boys. They didnt know how to tie their own shoe laces. I witnessed one of them physically hit her because she told him to go to his room. She asked for a man to help raise them and they asked for a father figure in their lives. There was a moment for growth where we both told them to put their shoes on because the asphalt would be hot as we went to get the car. He didn't and I was oh fuck no, we just told him what to and he didnt listen, deal with the consequences. She goes "I dont have time for this right now so she backs the car up to the house to get him. My hands are tied here. Also their dad is no where in the picture. Any advice?

I don't really know where to start with this, so I'll just start.

I'm a dad of three. 11, 7 and 4. On paper I'm a co-parent. In reality I'm a single dad who does everything, every day, with a full time job on top.

Their mum and I were together for 14 years. It took me most of those years to admit to myself that what I was living in was emotional and financial abuse. She worked, but never once contributed to a bill. I begged her to help. She didn't. When money ran short I covered the gap on credit cards, and now every one of those repayments falls on me. When I finally left, I left everything behind. Every item in that house, all of it paid for by me, because leaving it there was the price of being free.

Since the split she's shown almost no interest in parenting. She's now in a relationship with a man in Turkey and flies out every four months for five weeks at a time. No discussion, no plan, just gone. I pick up everything. The hardest part isn't the extra load, it's sitting in front of an 11 year old, a 7 year old and a 4 year old trying to explain that mammy has left again and I don't know when she'll be back. There's no script for that.

Financially I'm keeping my head above water and that's about it, despite having a decent job. I pay rent on my own place. I also pay the mortgage on the house she lives in, a house she's never put a penny towards from the day it was bought, and she isn't even on the mortgage. On top of that I'm paying solicitors twice over. Once to try and get the house back, and once to get a court order so the kids have a stable home with me for the majority of the time, so she can't just abandon them again whenever she feels like it.

The strange thing is my day to day life hasn't actually changed much. She worked 3pm till 10pm when we were together, so I was already the one doing school runs, dinner, bath, bed. I was a hands-on dad long before I was doing it alone. But somehow it's harder now. Back then I had one hour to myself in the morning before the school run. I could train, clear my head, feel like a person. That hour is gone, and it turns out that hour was holding a lot together.

Now the routine is relentless. School run, work, school run, dinner, bath, bed. Every single day. The gym is gone. My social life is gone. And underneath it there's this constant pressure to be the fun dad too, to make memories, to be switched on for them 24/7, when most days I'm running on fumes.

Work isn't a refuge either. I'm in product design, and AI is rewriting the entire discipline in real time. I'm having to redefine what I do and who I am professionally in the middle of what feels like chaos, at the exact point in my life where I have the least capacity to do it.

There are good things. I've met someone who has steadied me emotionally in a way I didn't know I needed. But she lives a long way away, and I can't move closer because my ex won't agree to the kids changing schools. The same schools I take them to and collect them from every single day. So even the good thing comes with a weight attached.

I have family around me, and emotionally they're brilliant. But I'm also the person everyone comes to when they need help financially, even though I'm quietly struggling myself. I don't think anyone realises.

Honestly, most days I feel like I'm drowning. Drowning in routine, in debt, in work, in expectation. Not in a dramatic way. Just slowly, quietly, while looking fine from the outside.

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for by posting this. I suppose I just needed to say it somewhere, to people who might get it. If you've been through something similar and come out the other side, I'd genuinely like to hear it.

I don't really know where to start with this, so I'll just start.

I'm a dad of three. 11, 7 and 4. On paper I'm a co-parent. In reality I'm a single dad who does everything, every day, with a full time job on top.

Their mum and I were together for 14 years. It took me most of those years to admit to myself that what I was living in was emotional and financial abuse. She worked, but never once contributed to a bill. I begged her to help. She didn't. When money ran short I covered the gap on credit cards, and now every one of those repayments falls on me. When I finally left, I left everything behind. Every item in that house, all of it paid for by me, because leaving it there was the price of being free.

Since the split she's shown almost no interest in parenting. She's now in a relationship with a man in Turkey and flies out every four months for five weeks at a time. No discussion, no plan, just gone. I pick up everything. The hardest part isn't the extra load, it's sitting in front of an 11 year old, a 7 year old and a 4 year old trying to explain that mammy has left again and I don't know when she'll be back. There's no script for that.

Financially I'm keeping my head above water and that's about it, despite having a decent job. I pay rent on my own place. I also pay the mortgage on the house she lives in, a house she's never put a penny towards from the day it was bought, and she isn't even on the mortgage. On top of that I'm paying solicitors twice over. Once to try and get the house back, and once to get a court order so the kids have a stable home with me for the majority of the time, so she can't just abandon them again whenever she feels like it.

The strange thing is my day to day life hasn't actually changed much. She worked 3pm till 10pm when we were together, so I was already the one doing school runs, dinner, bath, bed. I was a hands-on dad long before I was doing it alone. But somehow it's harder now. Back then I had one hour to myself in the morning before the school run. I could train, clear my head, feel like a person. That hour is gone, and it turns out that hour was holding a lot together.

Now the routine is relentless. School run, work, school run, dinner, bath, bed. Every single day. The gym is gone. My social life is gone. And underneath it there's this constant pressure to be the fun dad too, to make memories, to be switched on for them 24/7, when most days I'm running on fumes.

Work isn't a refuge either. I'm in product design, and AI is rewriting the entire discipline in real time. I'm having to redefine what I do and who I am professionally in the middle of what feels like chaos, at the exact point in my life where I have the least capacity to do it.

There are good things. I've met someone who has steadied me emotionally in a way I didn't know I needed. But she lives a long way away, and I can't move closer because my ex won't agree to the kids changing schools. The same schools I take them to and collect them from every single day. So even the good thing comes with a weight attached.

I have family around me, and emotionally they're brilliant. But I'm also the person everyone comes to when they need help financially, even though I'm quietly struggling myself. I don't think anyone realises.

Honestly, most days I feel like I'm drowning. Drowning in routine, in debt, in work, in expectation. Not in a dramatic way. Just slowly, quietly, while looking fine from the outside.

I'm not really sure what I'm looking for by posting this. I suppose I just needed to say it somewhere, to people who might get it. If you've been through something similar and come out the other side, I'd genuinely like to hear it.

I'm 17 and have lived nearly half my life solely in my father's custody. Looking back, when with my dad I had one of the best childhoods I could have asked for...except for one mistake. One I'm sure many single fathers make. Do not take your daughters to barbers Maybe you have a barber you trust with your life, your think they know how to do all hair - maybe they advertise that they do. Don't do it The amount of times before I could schedule my own appointments that Ive had my shit fucked up by a barber is too many. My freshman yearbook photo is horrible and I will never live it down. Take her to a hairdresser, let her do what she wants (within reason obviously), pay and suck it up. Also don't let her get a pixie cut in 7th grade that will permanently haunt her - unless she's truly ready for the consequences of not being able to style it.

Almost 40, with one more year until the milestone. I have been separated since May 2025, and I just went on my first date since separating almost thirteen to fourteen months ago.

It was the most amazing experience of my entire life, and I am glad I committed to it. The woman was perfect. It was so nice to talk to someone my age. She was so kind-hearted and we just vibed really well. We vibed so well, in fact, that we reached an intense level of intimacy. It was great.

We initially met after my separation because she lived in my complex moved to after being seperated, and her child spent time with my child over that summer. I wasn't committed to dating and took a year just to get my head right—though some days, I don't think it even is yet.

A few days after the date, I came to a realization: I feel like I am being selfish. She has a weekday custody schedule, and I am currently in the midst of establishing my own. I work on the days she is child-free, and I really want to focus on my children when I have them. She also works during the week. Since I am in school until May of next year, I have a very tight schedule. With the way our schedules are set up, I feel like we can only date once a month. I can't go on a date with her again until the end of September when we both have time off. She said she is okay with it and feels it will all work out, but I still feel selfish.

Any divorced dads have a similar experience?

This has been the thing that stresses me out more than anything else since my ex and I split. I have a pretty solid routine most days but every few weeks something blows up at work and I'm looking at the clock knowing I'm not going to make it by 3:15. No parents nearby, no close friends with kids at the same school, and paying for aftercare felt fine until they started being weird about late pickup fees stacking up.

I finally got one of the other dads from my son's class to do a loose arrangement where we cover each other maybe once a month if something comes up. Took forever to get to that point because it felt awkward to even ask. Like you don't want to seem like you can't handle things.

Curious what other people have actually figured out here. Not the obvious stuff like aftercare programs but the real day to day backup when those fall through. Did you build something with neighbors, other parents at school, anyone? How long did it take before you felt like you had an actual safety net instead of just hoping for the best.

Dunno if this is the right page for this, but either way.

I am a 36 single dad with a 7 year old moderately autistic boy. Im currently in a 1 and a half year relationship with someone. She also has a 7 year old who has undiagnosed ADHD and a nearly 5 year old. Both girls.

So ill try keep this as short as I can. I am living with my new partner and my son lives with his mum full time. I currently live about 50mins away in a different town. I have my son every second weekend and for 1 week in the school holidays. Im am going to push for more time once the current court order expires at the end of this year.

Anyway I have been bringing my son to my house every time I have him, which is algood. He gets on with the 2 girls really well. He is a little sad when the oldest girl is mean to him sometimes but its hard to explain what ADHD is to a young boy. But none the less he still likes them both.

Now at first I thought my son and my partner were getting along well. Also side note. My son is alot like me and he is a very quiet person, it took me a very long time (pretty much 5 years) to gain his trust and get him to open up to me. Now my background with his mum is not good thats a whole other story. But in short she has been doing her upmost best to lie an try an keep me away from my son.

So back to what I was saying its been recently bought to my attention that my partner feels like my son

1. Ignores her

2. She thinks he is really needy towards me

3. She is nitpicking all the small things he does an makes it a really big deal. Eg. She's now sleeping in her youngest daughters rooms because "quote" my son is too noisy at night

4. He doesnt really talk to her like he does with the girls.

There's others I cant quite remember atm but anyway. I get how it can seem to my partner I really do. Hell even her eldest daughter Ignores me half the time and doesn't talk to me, it sucks but I keep trying to make that connection with her.

I also get that in this house we live in we have rules for the kids. And I make sure my son is following those same rules we have for the girls.

Now from my son's perspective, from what he has told me. He feels that my partner is always mad at him or angry because she is asking g him to do these said rules as she would with her girls. And with that he has told me that he is a little bit scared of her. Which leads to him being

1. More likely to avoid her

2. Cling to me more because to him im his safe space.

3. Less chance of him talking to her and only does when I say he has to

4. He's no longer excited to come over to my house.

My partner and I have talked about this. She now knows that he is slightly scared of her and I've suggested that from now on untill he feels comfortable that I do the telling of and stuff like that and she just works on being good with him and doing activities that he enjoys with him so she can build that connection. This was last friday.

I also get that she won't want to do this all the time cus believe me when I say this if you think your kids are crazy, you need to meet her 2 girls haha they are on another level. But either way im still here and with her and I dont Want that to end. So yes I understand she will want alone time without kids constantly talking or jumping all over her. Side not she is also a teacher who teaches 5 year old so there's that added stress.

Also she has the stress of an asshole ex (just like me) who is making her life a living hell so I understand that aswell.

So to sum it all up my son is scared of her and won't talk or engage with her unless I tell him too. And on her side shes upset because she feels like she doing everything to help my son along but in her eyes he is just ignoring her.

I have no one to talk to about this because none of my friends are going through this and have no idea what to do or how to handle it.

I love this woman so much I haven't felt like this with anyone for a very long time and I really want us to work. But this is eating me up on the Inside and I am very good at bottling emotions up, I always have been.

Sorry for the long message im sure theres plenty I missed any help would be appreciated.

Long story short - I got a girl I was dating for 2 years pregnant. She is not from the US. We talked about birth control, visa, work, healthcare, insurance, whatever the immigration issue was - I brought it up. I offered an immigration lawyer, financial help with school for an F1 etc - it wasn’t that I didn’t want to be with her.. it was more so that there were practical issues as to why it was difficult based on where I was mentally.

Needless to say she got the birth control and never took them… she also didn’t explicitly tell me that she wasn’t taking them. Yes, I still had unprotected sex with her so I’m not fully blaming her.

I was under the impression when I told her I didn’t want to get married and I didn’t want kids that she would be open to terminating if we were ever in that situation. Well, turns out she wasn’t.

I actually broke up with her 2 months before I found out she was pregnant. I was actively dating someone else when I got the phone call. I’ve supported financially and shown up to appointments. She didn’t have insurance and I couldn’t put her under mine so I’ve paid thousands. I even changed out my car which was a coupe so that I could put a baby seat - more money.. The child was born in a different state to save money and also make sure it has US citizenship.

My child’s mom and I have had worse relationship issues because of how all of this has happened and it makes it hard for me to justify a marriage with her, feel like she didn’t care at all about my feelings and was operating out of survival mode - which was why I eventually left.

I would have never wanted a child out of marriage and definitely not having two parents able to live in the same country to co parent. If I get married to her I get to be in my child’s life but I feel like i’m sacrificing my own happiness romantically. My child will also be in latin america, first language spanish and with her mom and her family. Far enough away where I can’t easily ever see or protect her. It feels horrible.

My parents won’t help to watch her if I file sole custody and I’m in the office 5 days a week. I feel like I have such limited options for an infant.

What would you do?

I posted on here (earlier this year) mentioning that for all intents and purposes I'm a single dad (partner doesn't work or help with toddler) and asking y'all if it gets easier once the kids go to school bc I believe his childhood is better with us as a family having fun/shared experiences/etc. - but I am slowly going insane shouldering the majority of both mother and father roles.

This is kind of a multiverse alternative to that: those of you that felt you removed yourself from a toxic situation, but one that had plenty of ups as well, do you have regrets about crossing that line?

If this were like a high needs dog or something I think I would have left because the stress and isolation is horrible but when we all go on adventures or meals or parks or whatever the vibes are great we make each other laugh and all I picture is how hallmark a memory this probably is for the kid. As a couple, we really work well.

But she went from a regular "I want to be treated like a princess sometimes" that a working girlfriend would be to a full blown dependent once the baby was born. And I gave it 12-18 months assuming it was just part of the journey for her bc not every mom starts with those maternal instincts and maybe some complicated postpartum feelings to work through. But she's absolutely recovered hormonally/physically/etc. within that first year and now she doesn't work and doesn't: change diapers, put him to sleep, bathe him, cook, feed him, buy groceries, take him to daycare, brush his teeth, schedule appointments, go on walks, etc etc etc. I appreciate that he clearly sees me as the primary caretaker when he needs support emotionally or physically but woof it's hard working like the dad and caring like the mom. Luckily my job isn't particularly demanding, though there are times I find myself having to be a little late on deliverables or skip meetings because of childcare. Not to the point I'll get fired or anything, but maybe a small ding I'll have to overcome when talking about things like promotions.

I've tried talking to her about this and she is 100% aware I feel like I'm drowning and either doesn't think I mean it or doesn't care enough to help (I do think, as a layman, there is level of legit narcissism here).

Either way, I find myself weighing the good memories for toddler (and me) and holding out until he goes to school and seeing if it gets better - with the massive headache of paperwork, separation, assets, custody, etc.. just to likely be alone for who knows how long. I do think being alone would be much, much easier but also I've been alone before (not just single but alone) and it freaking sucks. To be frank it sounds like a massive hassle and by the time it was finally settled he would almost be going to school.

Which is why I'm curious those of you in a toxic situation ever think it could have worked out the other way if you had done _____ or the devil you know might have been better than the devil you don't.

To be clear, I hope all of you are ultimately happy with your decisions and even if you did have some regrets, that you have found a way to make it work for the best.

A review of my child support records revealed a state agency that thought it was above the law - and saw civil rights as just a quaint notion.

I am not an attorney, and this is not legal advice. Just my story, which I hope will help others.

I was an adjudicator for the state of Indiana's Dept. of Workforce Development, and prior to that was part of a fraud detection unit working with the state of Nevada during the 'wild west" PUA era. I have seen my share of fraudulent activity. But what I found in my own child support records left even this seasoned investigator stunned.

My job had always involved going after people trying to defraud the state. Suddenly, the roles had been reversed, and it was the state engaged in fraudulent activity against me.

The state of Florida had moved my child support order from TX, but throughout the entire process they completely ignored state and federal law.

The basic requirements for moving a child support order from one state to another are not complicated. Nor are they merely a set of recommendations. The information required by the law MUST be part of the registration process. Strict compliance with the law and its mandates is expected; and while minor typos may be overlooked, what happened in my case would never be overlooked - and can never be unseen.

When moving a child support order to a new state, the minimum requirements include:

•A Letter of Transmittal (the 'handshake' from one state to another). This is often a form and sometimes includes the arrearage information detailed below; but it can also be handwritten, as long as all of the required elements are present;

•A Sworn Statement of Arrears (sometimes included as part of the above Letter). The law requires a sworn statement by the person requesting registration or a certified statement by the custodian of the records showing the amount of any arrearage. This can also be handwritten, as long as all of the required elements are present;

•Two Copies of the Order being transferred to a new state, with one of those copies being Certified (not rocket science, but somehow this was overlooked when my case was submitted for registration);

•Proof of Service (this one's tricky, as the state of FL says that as long as a clerk drops an envelope into a mailbox, they have met this very low bar). Lucky for me, the mail was sent to a Mailbox Etc. and returned. See below for how they 'satisfied the service requirement' in my case;

The law has a solution for that, and it's called "substitute service," which allows the state to just leave the letter at your last known address, among other options. Before this can be done, however, the state requires a "Diligent Search," and there is a form for that. The court must be convinced that the state, or person registering the case, made a very serious effort to find the person named in the child support order.

ANATOMY OF A FAILED AND UNENFORCEABLE CHILD SUPPORT ORDER

This is what I found in my files:

•The "Letter of Transmittal" is a cover sheet with a single handwritten note.

•The "Sworn Statement of Arrears" is neither sworn nor is it a statement.

•The one and only attempt at "service" was a piece of mail, which was returned from a commercial mail facility and clearly stamped "WE DO NOT FORWARD" and at least two of those cartoon fingers pointing back at the return address. Yet they did nothing else to try to find me. As a result, I was never served, and thus the child support order, in the eyes of the law, never existed. It was DOA.

•NO Certified copy of the original order was ever in the file. This by itself is a fatal flaw, but when combined with the other "administrative failures" (a polite way of saying "lawless activity"), the order never existed.

As a result, the support orders, garnishes, intercepts (which in my case included taking every dollar I got from FEMA after I lost everything to a hurricane), were all done absent any legal authority and in violation of my rights.

If your child support order was moved from one state to another, you owe it to yourself to log on and read the docket on your case.

What tipped me off right away when I looked at my docket was that the time from Entry 1, the "Notice of Registration," and entry 32, the "Order Registering" the case, was almost 3 years!

Log on to your docket, and look for these entries:

· The Trigger (Entry 1): Look for an entry titled Notice of Registration, Request for Administrative Registration, or Petition to Register Foreign Order. Note the exact date it was filed.

· The Notice Attempt: Look immediately after Entry 1 for a line item indicating mail was sent to you (e.g., Summons Issued or Notice Mailed).

· The Return (The Red Flag): Look for an entry showing the mail came back to the court. It might say Returned Mail Envelope Recorded, Undeliverable, or Unserved. Note this date.

· The Gap: Now, look at the entry titled Order Confirming Registration or Final Judgment. Compare the date of the failed mail/Notice to the date the Judge or Hearing Officer signed that final order. The Uniform Interstate Family Support Act says the receiving state must register the case "upon receipt." 3 years later is a bit outside that 'upon receipt' window.

Let me close, for now, with this. When an order is 'registered' absent the required elements outlined in the Uniform Interstate Family Support Act, it didn't happen, and the law is very clear. Since I am not a lawyer, I'll provide a case citation: Citibank, N.A. v. Villanueva, 174 So. 3d 612, 614 (Fla. 4th DCA 2015) (clarifying that “when a judgment is void, the trial court has no discretion and is obligated to vacate it”).

Also: Under landmark Florida law, the obligation to make restitution rests directly upon the party who executed and benefited from the erroneous or invalid judgment. See Sundie v. Haren, 253 So. 2d 857, 858 (Fla. 1971).

I filed a Motion to Vacate / Void the Order, and it's on the Escambia County docket awaiting a hearing date. This post may push that date back, as the state is not above vindictive posturing, but we shall see. Stay tuned for updates, and look for the launch of my new website soon, which will include more about me and my case, and a tutorial on how to get records when the clerk is being obstructionist.

I will update this space when there is more to report.