My kid is 8 and has somehow narrowed his acceptable dinner list down to basically nothing over the last year. I work full time and by the time we get home I am not trying to experiment and have it go sideways, so I keep defaulting to the same rotation and now even I am sick of it.

The thing is he used to eat everything. Then one day pasta with red sauce became the enemy and now I am negotiating every single night. I have started letting him pick one ingredient and I build around it, which works maybe half the time. The other half he changes his mind after I am already cooking.

Someone at work mentioned doing a loose weekend prep thing where the kid helps pick and cook, so they feel more bought in by the time it shows up on a weeknight. Tried it once and it genuinely helped but I have not been consistent about it.

Curious what other dads have figured out here. Is it just a phase or did something actually shift things for you. Not talking about hiding vegetables in stuff, more like a real change in how you handle the dinner situation.

It seems we’re living in a moment in time, where expectations and the role of the father has shifted significantly over even just the past 20-30 years.

There’s an expectation then men show up. They burden half the parenting responsibilities and domestic tasks. Women want and can have careers, and the idea of the primary caregiver has blurred for many families.

I hear of a lot of men whose relationship has broken down partly because they weren’t ‘pulling their weight’. They weren’t contributing to a household enough or parenting. I was one of those and to a certain extent I can see how that was the case (despite some other factors).

Now she has left, and we are 50:50, and I am showing up for my child, their mother does not like this. She does not like that I am more active, I have more of a say, and more engaged now. She doesn’t like when I have an opinion, or advocate for what I think is right for our child.

We are 50:50, but her work and career, means she is less than that. I prioritise my career and work around my child. She’s still trying to have it all. Can we ever really have it all? And if we can we have it all at once?

I no longer have to worry about my and hers relationship. I no longer have to be submissive, passive or agreeable.

You can’t have your cake and eat it too.

Anyone else experiencing this? How do you deal with the frustration and disrespect that comes from diminishing your role as a father due to the above paradox?

After seeing my ex partner with her new partner at the park and my daughter holding his hand. I broke down guys and I’ve been in this situation since then I haven’t gone . Just locked my self in my house and doing nun but being a sad man. Ontop she’s been keeping her from me it’s been a month about to go on two months since I’ve seen my daughter.

I’m struggling a bit at the moment and honestly just feel like I’m slowly losing my daughter.

I want to tell the whole story because I don’t want to paint myself as the victim or leave out the parts where I’ve made mistakes.

Earlier this year my marriage ended after my wife discovered I’d been having an affair with a work colleague. I take full responsibility for that. It was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, and I know the pain and damage it caused. I wasn’t a good husband, and I don’t expect anyone to defend my actions.

What I can’t come to terms with is feeling like I’m now losing my relationship with my daughter because of the mistakes I made in my marriage.

My daughter is five years old, and from the day she was born she has been my absolute world.

Before we separated, parenting was genuinely shared between the two of us. I wasn’t the dad who just played with her on weekends while Mum did everything else. We were both heavily involved in raising her, and if I’m being completely honest, I often felt like I was actually the more hands-on parent.

I did school drop-offs almost every morning, regularly picked her up from childcare, had her every Wednesday while my wife worked, shared bedtime routines, took her to swimming and dancing, and spent countless hours taking her to parks, building cubbies, reading books, doing arts and crafts and just being present in her everyday life.

Before everything blew up, our relationship was already breaking down and my wife and I had actually spoken several times about what would happen if we ever separated. Even though she knew about my recreational drug use, she repeatedly said we’d share our daughter’s care equally. On more than one occasion she even suggested a week-on, week-off arrangement.

We also discussed the possibility of her moving to Mildura (7 hours away from where we currently live) one day, where her sister currently lives. At the time, she reassured me she wouldn’t do that because she knew how much it would impact my relationship with our daughter. We both agreed that our daughter deserved to have both parents actively involved in her life.

Everything changed after the affair was discovered. In fact when finding out about the affair she sent me a message saying, “You will not be getting 50/50.”

From that point on, everything became legal.

There is an Intervention Order proceeding that is now likely to resolve without admissions, with my daughter being removed as a protected person. The parenting matter is still ongoing.

One of the biggest issues being raised against me is my recreational drug use, she is trying to make it out as if I have substance abuse issues and am dangerous which is entirely untrue.

The first time I ever used drugs was last year. Over roughly a 4 month period from

November until we separated in March, I used drugs on 6 occasions in total over roughly four months. Every single occasion was at music festivals or events. It was never around my daughter, never while I was caring for her and never impacted my parenting. It was entirely recreational and very occasional. I’m not trying to say that I’m not in the wrong, but I also don’t think it’s fair to portray me as someone with ongoing substance abuse issues or as a drug addict.

I’ve voluntarily undertaken hair follicle testing, with test results that should be coming back in a few weeks completely clean, and I’ve offered to continue drug testing if it provides reassurance that my daughter is safe in my care. Despite that, my ex’s solicitor continues referring to “long-term sobriety” without ever defining what that actually means. It honestly feels like every time I satisfy one requirement, another one appears.

At the moment, I still do not even have regular supervised visits with my daughter. In the past 140 days I’ve seen my Daughter for a total of 1.5 hours when I was given “permission” to attend her cheerleading competition a month ago. All other contact I’ve had with her during this period has been limited to video calls.

I’ve complied with everything that’s been asked of me. I’ve attended every visit, undertaken counselling, stopped using drugs completely, cooperated with testing and done everything I can to show that my daughter is safe with me. Yet I still feel like the goalposts keep moving.

The latest proposal from my ex has honestly broken me.

She now wants to relocate approximately 7 hours away to Mildura.

Her proposal would mean I see my daughter one weekend a month in Melbourne, one weekend a month in Mildura, some school holiday time and phone calls during the week. I would see her 4 days in every month. To me, that’s not being a father. That’s becoming someone she visits.

I wouldn’t be there for school drop-offs or pick-ups. I wouldn’t help with homework. I wouldn’t take her to extracurricular activities. I wouldn’t really be parenting her. I’d miss all of the ordinary moments that actually build a parent-child relationship. I feel like I’d stop being Dad and become someone she sees every now and then.

I will obviously not be accepting this proposal and be doing what I can to fight against the move. But I fear I’m just going to end up losing.

The hardest part is knowing this wasn’t always the plan. Before the affair, we both talked about sharing our daughter’s care equally if we separated. We both agreed that relocating away from the other parent wasn’t something we’d do.

Now it feels like everything has changed.

I know there’ll be people reading this thinking, “Well, you had an affair.”

They’re right. I did. I own that completely. But while I wasn’t a good husband, I have always been an amazing father.

My daughter has been my number one priority since the day she was born. I’ve always been active, involved and hands-on, and we’ve shared an incredibly close relationship. I have never done anything that would put her safety or wellbeing at risk, and I never would.

What scares me the most is that keeping us apart for so long is already affecting our relationship. Every month that goes by is another month of memories I don’t get to make with her, having a relationship through a screen has become the norm and I worry about the long-term impact that has on both of us.

I’m not posting this looking for sympathy or people to justify the affair. I’m looking for advice from dads who’ve walked a similar road.

Has anyone successfully opposed a relocation like this?

Has anyone gone from no time, to supervised time back to unsupervised or equal care?

Has anyone felt like the goalposts just kept moving no matter what they did?

Just any general advice on this situation would be greatly appreciated.

If you got this far thank you so much for taking the time to read this.

my ex and I share a 8yr old daughter. Ex slanders me any chance she gets and claims I ”abused” her to everyone we know and the internet when I have primary custody and her only getting every other weekend. she lives about 4 hours away. judge put a no contact order in place because things were so toxic she would abuse my family wizard at 1am. 3 rd parties do the transitions my gram and her mom. also the judge stated even if we agree we can’t go off the order. my question is why am I being forced into coparent counseling? she only had every other weekend, there’s a no contact order, judge says we can’t stray from our order even if her and I agree. so what purpose will this serve other than her narcas games per usual? anyone else have a situation like this? I’m in Indiana if that matters. (also to add she has several mental health issues, 302”d multiple times, abused me with weapons etc)