Hey Guys, I'm 40M I've been schizoaffective since I was twenty so I've got a good handle on things but thank you for creating this community!

Looking to get back to the gym and cooking

I spent most of this morning being comforted by violent thoughts towards others. It's the only thing that would let me sleep. I'm trying to quit vaping and my mind is racing a million miles an hour. I'm in a really stressful social situation that's taking a toll on me. I keep going back and forth between being okay and being really out of it. I'm debating just not quitting vaping but the underlying problems still remain. There's never going to be a good time to quit.

Hello there,

My cat died a week ago, and I fear I'm spiraling into a depressive episode. Everything is hard, people keep telling me "time heals" but as the time goes on, it keeps getting harder. I don't even have the energy to shower, eat or do anything else besides going to work and dissociating. I don't know what time it is, what day it is. My next appointment with my psychiatrist is in September, so I called a psychiatrist who works at the urgent care. I'm supposed to see him next Tuesday morning, but I don't know if I have enough energy to fight until Tuesday.

I'm scared, I'm exhausted, everything hurts and I don't know what to do.

Everything costs me energy, but I don't have anymore energy because the pain is too much.

I don't want to die, but I know how much my brain wants me to kill myself.

I might be high functioning but I still have bad days. I just make through it. I mask through everything.
I don’t show this to anyone in my real life so yall are the only ones who get to see it.
I have a super distinct feeling I’ve lived my entire life before and even have hallucinations of false memories from it

The bright, capable individual I used to be is no more. I feel like half a human being and even the simplest of life's tasks seem like a terrifying ordeal for me. I've been unemployed for more than a year now and I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'll never work or go to college ever again. Ever since I found out I was schizoaffective I can no longer take care of myself and I'm totally reliant on my partner to provide for me. Thank God he's a saint and he swore to provide for me "in good times and in bad". I don't think there will be any more good times... The delusions, voices, confusion, anxiety, restlessness, memory problems, motor issues, and psychotic symptoms have transformed me into a nervous wreck. I never leave my house, I have constant debilitating anxiety, I've lost all sight of the future and have no plans or long-term goals. This disease is terrible and it's taken so much from me that I can barely recognize myself. Despite 7 different medications and years of therapy things have only gotten worse, and the realization that this will haunt me for the rest of my life is absolutely heartbreaking 💔 I feel weak and powerless in the face of it, like I'm a burden to the people who have to take care of me. I could really use some comfort and support...

Hi schizoaffective family. This is a general post to ask about your medications and side effects (with the disclaimer that everyone's body reacts differently to different medications, and everyone's cocktail is their own). I'd love to know your experience.

Specifically, those who have gotten off of seroquel/quetiapine due to weight gain. Have you successfully transferred to a weight neutral antipsychotic, with or without side effects?

I take seroquel and it's *chef's kiss* for my schizoaffective disorder. My positive symptoms are pretty strong and I need something effective. Due to weight issues because of the seroquel, my doctor put me on latuda. It essentially did nothing and my psychosis came back as we were tapering down off seroquel and supplementing it with latuda. I got back on my regular dose of quetiapine. Regarding latuda, I saw on someone's post a while ago that a med they tried was "as effective as a tic tac" and for me, that is true. Pretty disappointed it didn't work, and now I am afraid nothing else will be strong enough for me without creating other, worse side effects at the (higher) dose I likely need.

The next one I'm going to try is Geodon. Geodon can come with side effects like akathisia, tardive dyskenesia, and serious heart problems. Aside from the side effects, I'm just afraid it won't work. I love seroquel because it works for my brain, but it doesn't work for my body. And now that I've tried latuda, I fear other options won't be as effective for my brain either.

I know everyone's body is different, but I'd like to hear your thoughts. Have you ever been on these medications? Successfully transferred to a weight neutral medication after weight gain? Went through many different meds that worked or didn't work? My ears are open.

Im having issues self regulating and thought i should ask about them online where i can see other peoples experiences and what haves rather than spend 90 minutes waiting to tell the doctor to not tell a response. As good as first place is with their help they have a long wait time so i thought “hey, asking the internet for tips might help” and my uncheery ass (i missed my meds today) decided to make this post so here i go.

Tell me what i can do to fix mood related hallucinations/ make living more easier for me. I have mood related issues involving apathy i can’t get tasks done, and want to improve my lifestyle.

I can’t do things alone or without help and need assistance

Ps. I made this because im curious on what people will say. So go ahead

I don’t clean. I don’t cook. I don’t work. I don’t drive. I don’t go to the gym. I don’t have friends. Someone please tell me I’m NOT a loser. I honestly don’t know how much longer I can continue living like this. This illness has infiltrated almost every aspect of my life and I just don’t know if I can go on. Does anyone else feel like well…a loser?

I’m currently looking for cognitive remediation and psychosocial rehabilitation sessions upon the advice of a neuropsychologist.

Has anyone ever done this and does it help?

Personally cognitive behavioral therapy hasn’t even worked on me my brain is so stubborn and obtuse and I can’t bring myself to do the exercises.

I think we all felt stripped by psychosis. And becoming high functioning takes a lot of support, effort and consistency. And still a danger lurks that if you don't protect yourself and medicate correctly, the illness can reoccur.

But a hidden cost I found, you get so many bad habits, apologising too much, not having confidence to stand your ground, lack of belief in achieving things.

The way we cope to survive becomes our way of living

It's just an invisible cost not in the medical trials

I have to ask… for any of you who have the more chronic and debilitating schizophrenia symptoms, do you feel like existing in a safe space like jail/prison or mental health facility for long term treatment is actually better for you?

I have been to jail twice this summer and honestly I can say being in jail felt extremely safe and comforting compared to the hell I face trying to manage my life on the outside.

I will say though that the jails in my state have special 24/7 holding cells for people experiencing schizophrenia so ymmv.

Just wondering how everyone else feels about being inpatient or in jail?

The pain of living my life on a $1081 a month disability check is honestly like hell. Jail was a godsend until they threw me back into reality.

What is everyone else opinion?

Edit to add: Ive honestly been thinking about going to a permanent state mental health facility. Every time i try to better my life, the schizophrenia comes back hard. I’m honestly giving up

My meds control the psychosis well but not the depression (trying TMS next hopefully)

I just want to feel something but nothing feels like anything

At least when I was psychotic everything felt meaningful, like everything was targeting me in some way, and I had special powers and felt special to the universe

I know it's stupid but I have considered going off my meds just to feel something and just to feel important again

I'm so tired of endlessly doing the same meaningless shit everyday. I don't have energy or executive function to do anything but doomscroll and watch tv

What do you do when you feel like this other than go off meds?

Honestly I just don't want to fail the class I'm taking and also I'm afraid of some of the scary delusions i had, or else I'd probably quit my meds

I’ve been having suicidal thoughts really bad for two months. I’m so worn down, I’ve almost acted on them too. I’m so scared. I don’t wanna go back to the psych hospital because I didn’t have a good experience the first time but I can’t do this anymore. Also most people in my life are telling me to go so…time for grippy sock jail. =(

i have zero interest in social interaction, i am ok if i got approached or talked to anyone tho, I can't work cuz it feels overwhelming, i entered med school but i dropped out cuz i had executive dysfunction, the idea of being productive is kinda impossible no matter how hard i try, a decade ago i had delusions and it got under control fully with olanzapine.

So i was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type last March. I see psychiatry every month. I've been on a handful of antipsychotics as well as maintained on Lamictal 200mg. Currently on Caplyta 42mg and EXTREMELY recently, like days ago, prescribed mirtazepine 7.5mg (not a fan, very sedating).

I have all of the negative symptoms and a decent amount of positive symptoms (paranoia/delusions/hallucinations). I've never had "command" hallucinations (though I've heard someone call my name, like they were trying to get my attention) and I've never hallucinated a person trying to get me to do something. Mostly, I'm terrified of things, like I'm certain someone is going to break in my house and hurt me or something one of these days. My exterior has cameras all throughout and literally every window has a security system sticker on it. I have all these doom and gloom scenarios in my head just poking at me. I even have the "my best friends, who i know would die for me, secretly hate and want nothing to do with me" thoughts.

I try to be self aware and tell myself, no, you're safe, no one is here. I have 5 hyper vigilant, not stranger friendly cats that haul ass if the ups driver gets too close to the front door so I kind of use them as a determinant if I hear something. If they're not reacting, probably a hallucination, then i can attempt to talk myself down.

Lately, I've been wondering if I've been misdiagnosed. I'm probably not, my mom has SZA too (I'm 100% definitely with a mood disorder), but that niggling "what if?" is there. Last session, my psychiatrist was even throwing out "since your hallucinations aren't dangerous to you or others, maybe we can maintain you on lamictal and lithium", or however she worded it. Basically, we were talking about dopamine levels and how if you have too much, you hallucinate, but if you dont have enough, it could cause worsening negative symptoms. It was a very "throw it out there" thinking outside the box. My mind keeps going "maybe she thinks you're lying and doesn't want to say it outright so this is her suggestion since no medications seem to actually be helping much".

Idk idk, I think this post ended up being more of a vent into the void kind of thing. I don't have anyone else to talk to about this, so I figured people living similar to me may have some feedback. Insight. Whatever.

Thanks for reading, anyway. ❤️

I'm starting to feel some symptoms of psychosis, and I feel like I might not be taking enough. Everything was fine a couple of years ago I take 10mg of olanzapine twice daily, and now shit is starting to spiral downward.

I took a chance on the voices.

My loved one is 47 years old and has been living with this illness for 7 years. They has been seeing the same psychiatrist since their initial hospitalization, and their psychologist sees them about once a month, when appointments are available.

Their primary caregiver is 77 years old. They do everything they can, but they are understandably running out of energy.

The biggest challenge has been recovery because whenever they are hospitalized it takes at least 6-12 months for the person to start being more their regular self. My loved one was hospitalized last month and medication has been slow going primarily due to hospital meds and then psychiatrist meds so far it sounds like they need a complete reset of meds.

Again, this is part their of the journey and it not mine to experience. But, what should we expect if their siquiatrist does a reset of meds?

Advice is greatly appreciated. Delete if not allowed. Thanks

Btw we are getting another siquiatrist to see how it goes.

Also, this person does not do anything meaning (doing their own cooking, cleaning you name it) they livewith the caregiver but everything is handed to them. I know that isnt helpful.