I have noticed it trys to get into everything it makes me doubt I know what I know I this want to do what I want with those who I care about I don't want the thoughts or anything to do with that cult I left I have to whenever walking somewhere like my close dollar general there is church that I left and even more of them around me it's annoying I have to pretend stuff like one I walk by is odd gas station or something or this look to right

It feels so annoying beacuse it this seems like it won't stop I keep trying to remind myself that I don't want it and how I know my life will be better because I am not in it

I think my sister may have posted here previously looking for resources or advice related to my situation. I’m now at a point where I feel ready to ask for help myself.

Please be kind. This has been incredibly difficult to navigate, and I’m genuinely trying to figure out what options and resources are available to me.

I was in a relationship for almost a year with a Presbyterian pastor. The person I experienced privately became very different from the person I initially knew and the person others seemed to know publicly.

During the relationship, I experienced escalating sexual boundary violations, coercion, and ultimately an incident that I experienced and reported as sexual assault. There were also broader concerns involving dishonesty, sexual health, manipulation, and accountability.

He also personally disclosed a number of troubling stories to me about his past behavior with other women. I cannot independently verify those women’s experiences or speak for them, but some of what he told me became much more concerning after what I experienced myself.

I reported what happened to law enforcement and also to the Presbytery. The Presbytery’s process is ongoing and understandably slow. I do believe they are taking my report seriously and trying to investigate the situation responsibly and thoroughly while caring for everyone involved.

I will admit, however, that because of my upbringing in the LDS Church, I have some hesitation about placing all of my trust in any religious institution to protect women when allegations involve men in positions of authority. That is not an accusation against the people currently handling my report-they have treated me with care so far. It is simply part of why I want to understand what independent resources and options exist outside of an internal religious process as well.

I want to be able to speak honestly about my own experience because telling the truth and having a voice matter deeply to me. I also worry about other women potentially having similar experiences, and I want to use my experience to advocate for and support other women. At the same time, I want to do this responsibly. I don’t want to dox anyone, encourage harassment, interfere with an ongoing process, or speak for other women. I also want to understand my rights and any legal or privacy considerations before deciding whether, where, or how to speak publicly.

I’m specifically looking for resources related to:

• Survivor advocacy organizations that help people who want to speak publicly or share their stories
• Attorneys or legal organizations that can help survivors understand their rights and considerations when speaking publicly about their own experiences
• Ways survivors can share their experiences publicly or anonymously
• Journalists or organizations that responsibly work with survivors when allegations involve clergy or someone in a position of public trust
• Independent advocacy, accountability, or reporting avenues outside of religious institutions
• Anyone who can help me think through whether, when, and how to speak publicly in a responsible way

I’m especially interested in Utah-specific resources or connections including survivor advocates, attorneys familiar with helping survivors understand their options for speaking publicly, clergy-abuse advocacy organizations, or journalists who handle these stories responsibly. National resources are also very welcome.

I’m intentionally withholding more information and identifying details because my goal is not for anyone to identify or investigate this person. I’m looking for legitimate resources and guidance about my options.

If you have been through something similar, how did you find a way to tell your story? Did you work with an attorney, victim advocate, journalist, survivor organization, or someone else before speaking publicly? Are there organizations specifically designed to help survivors navigate this-particularly survivors dealing with clergy misconduct or abuse?

I’m not necessarily sure yet what “speaking out” will look like for me. I just know that I don’t want fear or uncertainty about how to do it responsibly to be the reason I never get to tell my story.

Please be kind, and thank you to anyone who can point me toward specific resources, organizations, or people who might be able to help.

TL;DR: I was in a nearly year-long relationship with a Presbyterian pastor and experienced escalating sexual boundary violations, coercion, and an incident I experienced and reported as sexual assault. I reported what happened to law enforcement and the Presbytery, whose investigation is ongoing. I’m now looking for resources to help me understand my options for safely and responsibly speaking out, sharing my story, advocating for other women, and protecting others-including survivor advocates, legal resources, journalists, clergy-abuse organizations, or anyone who has navigated something similar. Utah-specific and national resources are both welcome.

I know that a lot of people in this sub have left religion behind after what they went through, and I completely respect that decision for those who choose it. My story is a little bit different, and I hope to share it anonymously here.

I was in a several-month long relationship with someone much, much older who positioned themselves as having spiritual authority and special knowledge of God’s will. I was a baby Christian when we met, so he was able to really influence me at the time. Very early on, he would tell me things like how the Holy Spirit showed him that I’m his wife, and that rejecting him meant rejecting God. I did not feel comfortable being in a relationship with him nor was I really attracted to him, but I was impressionable, and felt obligated to based on the things he had said.

As a result, I stayed with him for months out of fear that if I left, God would punish me. I was experiencing severe anxiety over it. I was struggling to focus in school or engage with friends or hobbies. He told me that I have a free will and could leave if I wanted, but I didn’t feel that way because of the other things he would say. It wasn’t love, it was a lack of discernment and spiritual maturity responding to repeated subtle coercion.

He would also insist on intimacy, which I did not want or feel comfortable with. I told him that the Bible takes a clear stance on premarital sex. Admittedly, at the time, there were instances where I tried to make myself enjoy it and was successful to some degree, but deep inside I knew it conflicted with my personal values and beliefs and was not something I was okay with.

He’d either try to justify it by saying he believes that I’m his wife and we’re already “married in the spirit” (whatever that means, marriage is NOT a unilateral agreement) or he’d pray with me saying sorry, only to continue with it later on. He also really tried pressuring me into marrying him so that we “wouldn’t have to worry about it”.

I finally broke out of that relationship a couple months ago and he seemed to be accepting of it, but he recently messaged me about what he’s up to. I blocked him afterwards because while I am in the process of trying to forgive him in my heart, I don’t want to see or hear from him ever again and want that boundary to be clear. I’ve been a little paranoid that he will try more drastic measures of contacting me as a result.

Despite the anxiety that lingers, the haunting flashbacks of what I went through, and the shame I still carry, I am so glad I made the decision to leave. Now, I’m still attending an amazing church regularly and learning more about what God is really like, and what He is not. I’ve learned a lot from this experience, and hope I can now truly embark on my healing journey.