My husband and I are getting a rare night out for our 20th anniversary. We’re getting a hotel room locally. We have a special needs child and just don’t get a lot of time to ourselves. We have sex regularly but I’d like to spice things up a little. Any good books or sites to teach an old dog new tricks?

Have you lost trust in institutions over the years? Whether it’s the government, the media, healthcare, banks, education or something else. And if so at what point did you realize your trust had changed? Was there a specific event that made you see things differently or was it a gradual shift over time?

I’d love to hear your experiences and what led you to that realization. Please keep the discussion respectful.

58F. Busted my ass professionally for over 35 years only to be laid off twice. Out of work six months, took a $50k pay cut, and had to move away from my kids to be employed. Had to declare bankruptcy this past year, and I still have enormous debt hanging over my head. I’m not here to debate that or explain how that all came to be. Just take it at face value.

My boss is extremely demanding. Never compliments anything I do. She actually asked for my “career ladder” to discuss my career so far and where I want to go/do next.

Honestly? I don’t think it makes one bit of difference what I want to do. I’ve learned everything can change on a dime. It doesn’t matter who I know, how I dress, what I do, what training or certifications I acquire, or how I perform….. I will never see another promotion or get any further than I am right now which is a couple steps backwards from where I was. This past year was the absolute worst raise I have ever received. At least it was a raise.

As of today, I’ve been with this company a little over one year and it’s just a job at this point. I no longer have a career. I just show up, and that’s a damn shame because I gave it my all, forever.

From other people’s perspective, I look like I’ve done quite well for myself, but I feel like a massive failure no matter how you look at it. No one is calling me up offering me a job because they love working with me. I’m an introvert, so networking is my least favorite thing to do.

I know the right answer is to not even bother telling my boss how I feel. I should just go through the motions and keep my mouth shut as much as this feels like a ridiculous exercise.

Any words of wisdom for me? I will not be retiring anytime soon. I can’t.

Update: thanks for the responses. I suppose I knew the answer. I just needed to vent, I guess.

I wish this wasn’t the game we are stuck playing at this stage in life. I wish I was actually successful and people valued what I did for them over the years. I promise you, had I been a yes man or even merely a man, I wouldn’t be in this boat but here I am, jaded and feigning interest in this company and job.

It’s such a shame. I was a model employee, working hard, fast, creatively, efficiently, effectively, collaboratively, progressively, with excellence. I don’t know another way.

Sigh.

Just wondering...

I am so upset and angry. I’m 51. Cover my grey. Never I thought I looked THAT old and when I went to the pool with my sister and nephew the young girl behind the desk at the pool said this to me. She could tell I was offended and said “Do I look like a senior?!” She tried to cover herself and said she asks anyone who looks over 30. My sister is 48. She didn’t ask her or other older people in line. How hurt would you be? And you don’t ask people their age.

Another time this happened when I was buying a gift card and they asked me what I was buying it for because sometimes seniors get scammed.

Greetings - I am an atheist who has been approached by a former Muslim and now a recent professed atheist. We are both over 70. I am concerned that his history, including his family members, would be rather difficult. Has anyone else managed to have a successful, happy relationship with this drastic of difference?

I'm 60 and usually feel a disconnect with people of a certain age.

My range going up for example is less than going lower.

Anyone else notice this?

I ill be 50 in October. I’ve recently been struggling with this intense, creeping sense of urgency, this feeling like time is running out. My children are grown, my parents are aging, professionally I am not where I want to be. It feels like everyone else is already through the gate, and I’m still standing on the outside looking in. I feel like everything expiration date is coming in fast.

Logically, I know that life isn't a race. But emotionally? It feels like I’m running out of runway and I look back on the roadblocks I have experienced, divorce, a near death experience and it feels me with frustration. What's funny is I came out of the NDE at 44 full of life, almost indestructible, ready to take on the world, and now months away from 50 I feel hopeless and sad.

• Does anyone else here deal with this?
• How do you quiet that inner voice telling you that you’re "behind" when you have no idea what "on track" even looks like?
• Have you found any perspective shifts that actually help, or is this just something we have to learn to live with? Mindfulness no longer works, my learned optimist is fleeting, therapy

I’m really just looking to feel a little less alone in this mindset today. Thanks for listening.

Hey everyone, looking for some real-world insight from anyone who has gone through this. I’m a 52-year-old male. For the past month, I’ve been hitting a wall.
I go to sleep around 10:45 PM – 11:00 PM and sleep incredibly deeply. But right at 4:00 AM on the dot, I wake up with a completely full bladder and have to urinate (normal/large volume, no daytime frequency issues). Once I'm up, I can't fall back to a real sleep—just close my eyes until 5:30 AM.
The strange part is I don’t feel tired or use caffeine during the day. I eat my last meal at 7:00 PM and I get hitting-the-wall sleepy by 9:00 PM, but force myself to stay up so I don't wake up at 2:00 AM.
I highly suspect this sudden change is a hormonal shift or declining testosterone hitting me at 52.
Has anyone else experienced this exact 5-hour sleep limit or 4 AM wake-up? Did checking your hormones or changing your routine fix it, or did you just accept it as a normal part of aging? Thanks.

Basically have had a lot of ups and downs in our relationship. Almost divorced about a year ago. I just turned fifty (F) and he is four years older than me. It just feels stale and generic. We don’t do much together except golf and now we didn’t even do that together anymore. He never even asks me to go. Or seems interested in my life at all. We just seem to be really growing apart. We have two adult sons. One still lives with us. I don’t want things to end but I also want to feel loved and wanted by someone too. Anyone else go through this?

If you lost your job, had a bad back, where would you go work to get insurance until Medicare?

Anyone else just not crave anything? Received a bonus at work, was going to treat myself to something nice...but really cannot think of anything at all.

Both in our early '50s. Both second time around marriage. Still have kids at home in their teens.

Him - divorced acrimoniously after a very long marriage with infidelity on both sides. Me - no infidelity and the split was long ago/ no crazy ex.

Crazy ex sent me messages throughout their divorce (which occurred over the years while we were together, the divorce took 4 years to resolve). She wanted to be to be aware of his infidelities including one involving an underage girl. I chalked it all up to Crazy Ex talk. He agreed that all of those things did occur but he was here in a new light in a new space to be a better person.

Over the last 10 years I have carried us financially after he suffered a health condition which is now resolved. I helped complete the divorce, I helped him overcome his financial obstacles, I helped in a lot of ways.

We officially tied the knot a year ago, bought a house and have been experiencing some pretty tough things over this time. Since his health has recovered and he has lost weight as did I, he has "found himself" and is reinvigorated. Drives his classic car around. Feels good. Looks good.

Feeling insecure I asked some pointed questions which will probably a little unfair in retrospect. I asked why this marriage was different than the other marriage and why infidelity would not play a factor in the future if it had existed in the last marriage (which was very long). In a nutshell I was told that nothing would happen "If I was good". I really didn't like that answer. I found that very upsetting and degrading. Additionally I have witnessed some other behaviors that concern me such as pulling out excessive amounts of cash to pay for a small items from young pretty cashiers. I commented on it and said, later in private, I think that looks bad and it's bad optics and could be considered baiting. I suggested that there's really no need to have cash these days and that it should be in the bank. He was incredibly angry and reactive about this. His reactivity made me even more insecure.

Regrettably I made a bad decision myself and looked online for a tracker to put on our vehicle. Of course I bumbled and got the wrong one and it was incompatible with my technology but, I had hastily already put it somewhere on the car and frankly forgot about it. It never did work and I never thought anything about it. Fast forward about 8 months and he discovered this tracker and is now incredibly reactive and irate.

I can understand that and regret my decision to have become paranoid. Although his behavior has been concerning and questionable, truthfully it is my duty and responsibility to self-manage my insecurities all red flags aside. So go ahead and weigh in. Basically in a nutshell what we have here is a man with a midlife crisis and a woman with menopause - great mix.

Interesting day yesterday. Went to Freddys Burgers & ordered the Senior Meal (age 55 & over) and so desperately wanted the teenage girl at the register to be like “0h no, you don’t look 55” but no such luck. Instead I got carded for buying White Out at Walmart. WTH.

I ended my last romantic relationship over 5 years ago and haven't really dated since then (no interest). I'm very busy with work, 2 dogs, 2 college age kids (both on the Aut spectrum, and 1 needing considerable support). I find that I prefer spending my evenings and weekends alone. Is this just something that happens to some people as they get older??

Ok, I’ll probably catch some shade over this post. Maybe I deserve it. But I’m legitimately curious.

Me: 53, married for ten years now divorced 14 years, numerous relationships, including one ltr in that time. Ex-wife cheated but we were both unhappy. I’ve only been dumped twice in my life. I only mention that as in probably 15-20 semi- to serious (more than 6 months maybe?) relationships, I think I know how to treat women if they tend to stay with me. So I think I understand women at least somewhat. Not bragging at all, definitely have my struggles as well, but I have had success meeting eye to eye with women. I made the decision about 3 years ago to remain single. After that ltr ended (my choice) I no longer have any desire at all for a partner. I miss sleeping by someone. I miss the mutual orgasms. I don’t miss: the always being wrong. Always being questioned. Always picking up the check. Always wishing for as many orgasms as my partner, or at least show an interest in supplying ONE for me if you can do multiples. Always being the emotional rock, but never being allowed to even fucking discuss my thoughts or feelings. Always feeling like a second class citizen in the relationship and I’m just along for the ride, or until the check comes.

Ok, all that said, onto my question. I know about menopause. I know a little about pre-menopause. I’ve even heard a little about post menopause. What the fuck is peri menopause? And I mean this with the utmost respect, sincerity, and true curiosity…but is it real, or is it just extending menopause even earlier and giving legitimacy to your wanting to be a bitch and treat us like shit all the time?

“Why are you being such a bitch tonight?”
“Oh I’m sorry baby, it’s menopause.”
“Wtf, you’re 23!”
“Yea I know. It’s pre-peri-menopause. Don’t worry. This only lasts until I’m dead! 😁”

How would you have fared as a teen if your parents had been able to track where you are through your phone?

As the title says, I work away and live in hotels during the week. Finding it annoying being in the bar when the younger ones are in. They don't seem to know how to act. And there is nowhere else to go, and sitting in a hotel room all night is soul destroying. Rant over