My ex boyfriend passed away last Saturday. I had to hear it from a friend. They said he died of sepsis. 

Ang dami kong tanong. How did he die of sepsis? Was he sick? If so, how long has he been sick? Did he suffer? A person doesn’t just die of sepsis. Especially not a healthy thirty-year-old man.

Hindi ko na tinanong. I no longer had a right to those answers. I sent his mom my condolences and I cried, or at least I tried to cry. 

He was only thirty. He died so, so young.

I met him when I was sixteen and before he was anything else, he was just my chemistry lab partner. We were so young then. We didn’t know the first thing about love. But somewhere between the long nights spent with our other friends in their apartment in Maginhawa, having my appendix removed, and meeting him by AS every end of the day, love grew. 

At a time when everyone our age was still figuring out who they were and where they belonged, we somehow found our answer in each other. There was comfort in believing that no matter what the future held, we would always have a home in one another.

Looking at it now that I’m almost thirty, I realized what a privilege it was to have found such profound a love so young. A love that was not burdened by the countless responsibilities adulthood eventually lays at our feet. We knew, in the abstract, that heartbreak and death existed, and that one day they would come for all of us. But they felt impossibly far away.

We were so young, and so in love. And when you’re seventeen, love is enough to believe that nothing terrible can ever reach you.

God, if my younger self knew that I’d heard of his death from a friend, that I don’t even know the specifics of how he passed, that I had let myself be reduced to just one of the people that once knew him, I know she’d be livid. 

We were together for nine years. I ended the relationship two years ago. My mom almost died and I had this big epiphany about death, and how unpredictable life is. So I decided to apply to PhD programs abroad. He was already a practicing doctor then and it just wasn’t realistic for him to uproot his life to be with me abroad. And so we broke up. It wasn’t amicable and towards the end, I was just so unkind and unforgiving. I was selfish.  Ewan ko ba. I didn’t understand why we couldn’t make it work. 

And so I left. Huli ko siyang nakita noong umattend ako sa binyag ng anak ng kaibigan namin bago ako lumipad. 

For the past two years, sumasagi sa isip ko na kumustahin siya. I wanted to apologize. I wanted to tell him so many things. But I was too ashamed to even say hi. I didn’t even ask my friends how he was doing because my pride couldn’t handle the embarrassment of being hung up over him when I was the one that walked away. I figured that maybe one day, we’d see each other again, and I’d apologize, and then we could go back to the way things were.

It was so stupid. I was so stupid. I wish I had done so many things differently.

I will be spending the next fifty or so years mulling over everything, going over things that I should have said and done, and it will be painful. But it’s okay, because I will live long. I will grow old and wrinkly, and my hair will turn white, and I will keep his memory alive. I think I owe him, and my seventeen-year-old self, at least that.

Goodbye. You will always remind me of brighter and warmer days, of the sun setting in QC, sleeping on your shoulder during the long, tiresome commute to your home in Novaliches, and your favorite song, Christopher Cross’ Sailing. 

Pa-release lang, sana wag itong ipost sa ibang sites...

7:05 am, time in. Nalate ako ng 5 minutes.

Pagka dating sa dept, medyo tahimik. Yung dalawa pala sa min sa kabilang branch na-assign uli ngayon. Hindi pa na setup yung background music sa dept.

Boot up ng pc, nagpahangin muna sa aircon tapos upo din para mag-work na. Naglagay ng sounds para di boring. Busy-busyhan muna ang peg.

Maya-maya may dumating na operator, hinahanap yung isa sa min. "Ay wala dito, nandun sa kabilang room", automatic na sagot ko.

Mga 5-10 minutes after, dumating naman yung scheduler sa dept namin. Hinanap na naman yung same person. Sabi ko uli nasa kabila. Nagtaka si scheduler at tinanong naman yung senior namin.

"Sir, napansin mo ba siyang dumating after ng tanong ko sa'yo kanina?".

Sabi naman ni sir, "Hindi ko rin napansin ehh, pero parang hindi ko pa siya nakikita".

Nagtaka kaming lahat sa dept.

Kilala kasi namin siya na masipag at hindi nale-late, di tulad ko na malapit lang naman yung bahay ko sa kanya. Pati yung bisor namin napa isip. "Nag-iinform naman siya kung mag-aabsent, bakit kaya?", aniya. Parang may mali sa araw na to.

Around 7:45 am, nag-ring ang phone sa table ng bisor namin. Nakinig ako. Usap nang sandali at biglang napasinghap si bisor. Kinabahan ako at tinigil ang sounds. Naging aware kaming lahat sa dept. After ng call, nilapitan kami ni bisor at maluhang sinabi, "patay na si _____, nasa hr ngayon yung parents niya. Inatake daw sa puso. Tinry pa i-revive pero doa na sa hospital". Pumunta si mam sa hr para kausapin ang mga magulang.

Nagulantang kaming lahat, di kami makapaniwala. Kahapon lang kakwentuhan namin siya, kakulitan namin, kasama pa namin. Nagtanong pa siya sa kin kung pano asikasuhin yung pag-ibig loyalty card. Nag-isip pa siya kung kelan kaya niya maasikaso kasi 10 days na lang at makumpleto na niya yung perfect attendance. Next month, birthday na niya.

Ang bigat. Lalo na't nakasama na namin siya ng halos 3 years sa dept namin. Pito na nga lang kami nabawasan pa ng isa. Kahit na sobrang pressured at ang daming workload na napasa sa dept namin since last year, nagka-isa kami at nakayanan namin. Buo pa rin kami. Pero ngayong araw na 'to, ang kilalang dept sa company na super chill at masayahin ay nanahimik at nalungkot.

Hindi kami makapag trabaho ng maayos kanina.

Lalo na nung pumunta sa dept namin yung family niya at kinuha na yung mga naiwang gamit, pinigilan naming umiyak. Buong araw, halos tulala at inalala namin siya.

Naiiyak pa rin ako ngayon.

Siya kasi partner ko sa sched namin sa dept. Kasama sa pang gabi. Kakuntsaba kung mag breaktime kami ng maaga or kung manonod ng movies sa dept pantanggal antok. Lagi ko din siya kasabay pauwi. Nagku-kwentuhan habang naglalakad. Yun na pala ang last kahapon.

Bro, sa sandaling panahon na nakasama ka namin, nakilala ka namin na mabait na tao. Walang bisyo, masipag, maaasahan, hindi mareklamo sa trabaho at masayang kasama. Di ka namin malilimutan at salamat sa oras na binigay mo sa min kahit na katrabaho lang kami. Pahinga ka na and God bless!

Gusto ko lang magshare kasi ang bigat. Ang hirap maging pangit kasi parang ang unfair ng paligid mo. Kahit anong ayos ko, hindi okay. Nag-aayos naman ako lagi, namimili ako ng maayos na damit pero madalas parin ako nasasabihan na "ganda mo kapag natuto ka mag-ayos". Tapos kapag magpipicture ako kasama ng iba iniisip nila lagi na di ko inaayos kaya nga kahit palapost sila ng pictures di nila ipopost yung pic na kasama ko. Naranasan ko rin na sa family or relatives, mas kinakausap nila yung may itsura talaga. Naranasan ko na umuwi kami ng isang family member sa province, sobrang dami na binati yung katabi ko then pinuri, sobrang awkward nun na talagang naglakad nalang ako dire diretso and ayoko tumingin sa kanila. Naranasan ko rin na dati na nagjoke yung professor namin dati na kapag daw pangit dapat hindi nalelate tapos sabay sabi "kaya tignan niyo si \*name ko\* di nalelate". Tapos pag pumupunta ko sa mga places na mamahalin, di rin ako masyado aasikasuhin tapos iba rin yung tinginan na andaming customers pero sakin nakatingin na parang winewait akong matapos, kaya imbis na magpahinga muna ko pagkakain, nagbabayad na agad ako and umaalis kasi super awkward. Nashare ko lang kasi andami nangyari today na pinaisip ulit sakin na di okay yung itsura ko.

Hi cashier ako sa supermarket, nakatanggap ako ng expired na sodexo worth 2k diko rin kasi napansin ang date. So ayun matatanggal ako sa work kasi policy din ng company na pag naka 1k na short within a month automatic babaan ka ng memo for termination. Nakakalungkot lang isipin.

Nagwowork out ako, lifting, cardio, etc. Hindi ko naman aim na sobrang tutok sa muscle building or anything. I eat pretty balanced, aside from the sugar part kasi mahilig sa sweets. In fact, I don't even count my calories. I don't care about my macros. I eat whatever I want in moderation.

D ko naman tinatago na nagwoworkout ako, medj nagiging halata na rin since I started gaining a bit of muscle and losing weight.

Every now and then may magsasabi sakin na bat ako kumakain ng kanin or matatamis kung nagwoworkout/exercise ako, na parang andami kong carbs na kinakain etc.

Pake niyo ba, hindi niyo naman katawan. If anything mas active ako sa majority ng mga circles na ginagalawan ko esp since I'm in an industry where mostly nakatutok sa PC at nakaupo all day pero sila pa may gana i-police ung mga kinakain ko.

Suck it up Ben, umiinom ako ng milktea with pearls NA MAY CREAMCHEESE PA at mas malaki parin bicep ko sayo.

Medyo nakakagigil lang kapatid ko. Mag-iisang taon na 'yung bunso niya tapos malalaman namin na buntis na naman siya. Baon na sila sa utang ng asawa niya. We're talking millions. Dapat sana unahin muna nilang gawan ng paraan utang nila bago sila gumawa na naman ng bata 'di ba?

Tapos ngayon sensitive daw pagbubuntis niya, edi malaking gastos na naman 'yan hanggang sa manganak siya. Nakakainis silang mag-asawa. Hindi kami kasama sa paggawa niyan, pero ngayon dinadamay kami sa stress nila financially. Igu-guilt trip ka pa kapag ayaw mo silang pautangin. Sobrang hirap naman ngarod singilin. Hindi ka pa ise-seen minsan.

Mga hindi nag-iisip. Nakakainis.

So kanina nagpagupit ako. Gusto ko lang naman magpagupit pero sinasabi ni ate hairdresser na ang dry ng hair ko kailangan ko raw magpatreatment. Teh tsaka mo sabihin sakin yan kung di mas dry yang buhok mo kesa sa akin. Nakakainis kasi kung anu-ano inooffer eh haircut lang gusto ko. Alam ko na may quota kayo but please naman wag niyo ipilit sakin yan jusko grabe din haircare ko no lol mas mahal pa sa treatment nyo kaya lang dry hair ko nang dahil ilang months na ko di nagpagupit at may kulay buhok ko, kaya ko nga pinapatrim para mamaintain ko yung health nung buhok ko!

Tapos eto na, nung tapos na yung gupit ko, sabi ba naman “ang ganda ni ma’am no kaso papayat ka pa ma’am para mas gumanda ka pa” eh tngina teh maganda ako kahit mataba ako at ANO BANG PAKE NYO KUNG MATABA AKO JUSKO?! Nakakabwisit lang kasi. Kung iniisip niyo na compliment yon, PWES HINDI SIYA COMPLIMENT bwiset! Sana itikom nyo nalang bibig nyo kung wala kayong magandang sasabihin. Nakakawala ng confidence hayup. Ngayon naiiyak ako kasi nakatanim siya sa isip ko haha idk if mababaw pero nakakainis lang talaga. Grabeng standard to kailangan mapayat ka para “mas maganda” ka 🥲

I'm 18 (M), and I don't usually open up like this. Pero sobrang bigat na kasi. I just need to get this off my chest. Pls don’t post this sa ibang platform.

We live with my aunt and uncle's family. Over the years, I've watched their lives slowly get better. My cousin recently passed the Bar Exam. Lawyer na siya ngayon. His sister finally got a decent job, and their youngest is about to graduate senior high school. They're finally at the point where they can give back to their parents and spoil them after everything they've sacrificed.

Another uncle of mine has his own business. They're financially stable, and both of their kids are studying in a good school.
I'm genuinely happy for all of them. I really am. I witnessed all the hard work they put in. They deserve every blessing they have now.

But every time I see them succeeding, I can't help but look at my own family. And it hurts.

My dad is a jeepney driver. Every single day, he spends hours on the road just to earn enough for us to survive. My mom is a housewife who's been taking care of my bedridden grandfather for years. She barely gets to rest. She spends almost every day taking care of someone else's needs before her own.

Then there's my siblings.
My older brother has a job, but he's a minimum wage earner and most of his salary ay napupunta muna sa mga bisyo nya. Minsan nagagalit sya pag humihingi si mama. My sister graduated with a degree in Education, but she doesn't even try to look for work. Instead, she treats my mom like she's her personal maid. She orders her around, even while my mom is already exhausted taking care of my grandfather. Sometimes she even raises her voice at her.

Every time I witness that, parang may nadudurog sa dibdib ko. I don't understand how they can watch our parents struggle every single day and still be okay with doing nothing.

Minsan naiisip ko... bakit hindi nalang ako yung naging panganay?

Maybe if I were the eldest, matagal ko nang natulungan sina Mama at Papa. Maybe hindi na kailangang mamaluktot si Papa sa pagmamaneho ng jeep buong araw. Maybe hindi na kailangang ubusin ni Mama yung katawan niya kakapag-alaga sa lahat. Nakakasurvive lang kami dahil sa kakarampot na kita ni Papa at sa tulong ng tito ko. And honestly... nakakahiya. Not because my uncle helps us, but because I know my parents never wanted to depend on anyone.

Next month, I'll be entering nursing school. My uncle said he'll help with my tuition, and sobrang thankful ako doon and I am blessed enough to have an uncle na palaging willing tumulong.

But instead of feeling excited, I'm scared. Terrified, actually.

Because I feel like I'm the last card this family has left. Parang wala nang Plan B.
If I fail nursing, I won't just disappoint myself. I'll disappoint my parents. I'll disappoint the uncle who's sacrificing his own money just so I can study. I'll disappoint everyone who's still believing that one day I'll be the one to lift my family out of this life.

My dad comes home exhausted from driving all day. My mom's hands are rough from years of taking care of everyone except herself. How much longer do they have to live like this? I don't want them to grow old worrying about bills. I don't want my father to spend the rest of his life driving a jeepney just because none of us made it. Ayokong hanggang sa pagtanda nya, nasa kalsada pa rin sya. I don't want my mother to grow old spending her entire life taking care of everyone else without anyone ever taking care of her. Gusto kong makitang nakakapagpahinga din si mama. Silang dalawa ni papa.

Sometimes I cry because I'm so scared that I won't be enough.
I'm scared that despite giving everything I have...I still won't be able to save them. Ang hirap maging mahirap.

Ma, Pa, mahal na mahal ko kayo. Antayin niyo lang akong makapagtapos, ha? Huwag muna kayong susuko. Huwag muna kayong mapagod. Promise, darating din yung araw na hindi na kayo mamamasada, hindi na kayo mag-aalala sa mga bayarin, at hindi na kayo matutulog na iniisip kung paano tayo makakasurvive bukas. Gusto kong mabawi kahit kaunti lang yung mga taong kayo yung nagsakripisyo para sa amin. Kayo naman yung gusto kong alagaan.

Hindi ako pala-dasal pero napa-"thank you, Lord" talaga ako kaninang umaga.

May pinapakain akong stray cat sa tapat ng apartment. Two weeks ago, ilan days na rin siya nanghihingi sa akin ng food pero wala ako maibigay dahil ubos na stock ko na food niya. So, last week, bumili na ako ng food niya, and para akong mommy na excited umuwi dahil may pasalubong sa anak.

Kinabukasan, di ko siya nakita buong araw. Hanggang sa halos 1 week ko na rin siya di nakikita. Akala ko di ko lang siya naaabutan talaga pero sabi ng landlady namin ay hindi rin niya nakikita.

Yesterday, habang naglalakad pa-uwi, bigla kong nasabi ko sa isip ko, "Lord, sana okay lang siya. Sana may nag-adopt lang or something."

Lumabas ako nang maaga kanina para mag-jogging AT ANDON SIYA SA USUAL SPOT NIYA HUHU im so happy. Kinabahan pa ako kasi pag-uwi ko wala ulit siya pero at least alam kong ok siya. Paglabas ko ulit 30 minutes later, buti andon siya ulit kaya napakain ko siya.

Nonchalant ako sa labas pero deadma sa nakarinig na kinakausap ko yung bebe (using my malambing voice) para itanong kung saan siya galing at bakit ngayon lang siya umuwi 😭

I have a stable job. Income that can compensate all my expenses and im happy.

Then came 2024. Nagsabi sa akin ang partner ko na gusto nya daw magtry mag work sa manila and since nasa manila din ako we decided na magsama n lng sa bahay na uupahan (Thinking one step towards our future na din ito)

Binigyan ko partner ko time mag explore muna before applying for a job. It was going well at first until lumipas ang isang taon.

Walang pa din syang mahanap na work. may apply pero kada last minute biglang magbaback out. During those times ako lahat. Bahay, utilities, groceries pati bisyo (she smokes). Everything shoulder ko.

Hanggang sa di na kinaya ng income ko ang lahat ng expenses. Dun ko natutunan umutang. Feel ko unti unti lumulubog yung buhay na pinaghirapan ko ibuild. 2024 felt like hell. Sobrang hirap.

Never nag stop yung usap and pag remind sa kanya na we cannot survive na ganito lang. Kelangan nya sipagan magapply.

Then 2025 i was hoping may magbabago. But i was wrong. It got worst. Araw araw puyat, babad sa phone at tuloy ang bisyo.

Thats when i snapped. Pakiramdam ko magulang ako na may binubuhay na anak. I got tired of reminding her. Of thinking about us. Sa future. I barely have time to focus sa sarili ko dahil sa kakaisip ng situation na meron kami. So i ended it.

Because of one bad decision muntik na walang matira sakin.

I am still trying to pay all the debt ive incurred. Di nako umaasa sa kahit ano. Im just choosing to survive one day at a time.

Hello, gusto ko lang ilabas ito dahil wala naman ako mapag sabihan lalo na’t hindi naman ako sigurado. Baka nag ooverthink lang ganon.

Mayroon akong ka work na ka close, 4 kami na mag kakaibigan pero itong isang ka work kong ito mas naging ka close ko dahil ako ang naging tagapakinig nya pag may problema sya sa kausap nya.

Nag simula ito nung umamin ako sakanya na may happy crush ako sa isang ka work namin. After that day, napansin ko palagi nya na yon kinakausap which is di naman nya ginagawa before. Lagi na tinatabihan sa office and lagi na bukang bibig. But I didn’t think anything of it kasi happy crush lang talaga. Pero after my confession to her kasi, pag may chance talaga na pahiyain ako lalo na sa harap nung guy, ginagawa nya. Wrong pronunciation, wrong term and even pag may new look ako nilalait nya. Kamuka ko daw si ganto and ganyan.

Medyo nahuhurt na kasi ako sa pang lalait and its starting to affect my confidence. And randam ko na may diin mga pamamahiya nya at pag tatawa saken.

Am I overthinking things? Baka naman masyado na kasi syang comfortable saken kaya umabot na sa ganon?

i fucking hate how you entered in my life and made me believe that you're different from every boy that made me feel like shit. you were able to gain my trust and I thought that this is finally it, that I will finally get the love l deserve. you made
me feel that way so effortlessly. I didn't have to ask nor mention it then suddenly you left because you realized you can't "handle" having someone while focusing on your academics. you said you have SOOO much to prioritize and love is not one of them and YOU promised me that I'll "move on" eventually. you are so unfair. subscription yarn?

He suddenly gave me flowers and chocolates, advance na daw kasi uuwi akong province ng 5th anniv namin. Huli na pala yun kasi di na kami aabot ng anniversary.

It’s funny how life works no. Ang saya lang namin nung nakaraan, miss ang isa’t isa kasi nagtravel ako tapos ngayon, wala na kami. Masakit pero this time, tanggap ko yung break up namin. I’m at peace with letting him go. Maybe, this decision is really for the better. Hindi man eto yung ending na ginugusto ko, pero I’ll trust God’s plan. Naniniwala ako na kung meron para sakin, bat di pa ngayon Lord? Char lang. Magheal muna ako and enjoy life. Pwede naman ako mag isa, pwede rin may kasama. Kahit ano, basta masaya ako ☺️

To my ex. Thank you for the almost 5 years of beautiful and painful memories with you. I wish you nothing but success and happiness in life. Sorry for my lapses and I’ve forgiven you with all my heart. Just live your best life, not for anyone but for you. I hope you’ll find the love you deserve. 🍃

This year, I started taking care of myself consistently, and grabe, ang gastos pala.

It started with the basics—better food choices, skincare, sunscreen, workout clothes, and the gym intake products. Then you realize there are so many little things that add up over time.

Growing up, I thought taking care of yourself was just about eating healthy and exercising. Pero ngayon, I realized that investing in your health, appearance, and overall well-being can get pretty expensive.

That said, I don’t regret it at all. One of the best feelings is hearing compliments from friends who tell me they barely recognize me anymore because of the weight I’ve lost. Some even joke that I’m aging backwards and somehow looking younger every year. Honestly, hearing those comments makes all the effort feel worth it.

I’m happier, healthier, and more confident than I was before. Nakakashock lang talaga na maintaining a healthier lifestyle comes with such a big price tag.

Di mo naman to makikita, pero if you do, alam mo na

I saw this girl on a fashion subreddit and messaged her just to compliment her outfit. To my surprise, she replied, and we ended up becoming friends. Let's call her C1. Long story short, we really clicked, but she eventually ghosted me because I fell asleep on her twice. I regret that to this day, haha.

A few days later, I met another girl from an r4r friends post. Let's call her C2.

The weird part is:

C1 and C2 were EERILY similar. Same second name, same province, both taking a gap year, same sense of humor, same "looks innocent but isn't" energy, and even THE EXACT SAME Reddit bio. Even their Telegram usernames, though dissimilar, had some eerie coincidences. At some point I became convinced that they were the same person.

I don't think you can blame me.

C2 and I got along just as well as C1 and I did. We flirted a lot, talked late into the night, and she shared photos of herself with me. She even joked about whether I found her attractive (I did.)

Eventually, though, something changed.

She became colder. Replies got shorter, conversations became less frequent, and she admitted she had mostly been talking to me because she was bored. Then one day, without warning, she blocked me on Telegram. I never got any of her other socials.

The funny thing is, I never got to tell her how much I genuinely liked her. I kept teasing instead of being honest. I thought there'd always be another conversation, another chance to say what I actually meant, safe to say there wasn't.

C1, I hope you find it in you to give me a second chance at what we almost had.

C2, I hope I get answers as to why you're so similar to C1, down to the ghosting.

But then maybe, you are the same person after all.

This is one of those stories that will haunt me for life, I keep thinking what if I just never slept that day.

I mourn what we could have had. But curse you for doing this to me.

Baka nga catfish ka lang eh haha, pero di ko maconfirm :[

The first time we ever had a dog, I was still in elementary school. After that, we didn't have another one for years because of what happened to our first dog.

She was an aspin, and she was used to roaming around our compound to play with the other dogs. One Sunday, after we got home from church, we couldn't find her. We looked everywhere until someone told us that my lolo's sibling had sold her without telling us. My lolo was so angry that he went straight to their house to confront them.

The saddest part was finding out that the person who bought her wasn't looking for a pet—they bought dogs to eat. I was just a kid, but that memory has stayed with me ever since.

Years later, when I was already in college, one of my mama's coworkers gave us a puppy after my papa passed away. She became such a huge source of comfort for our family. We're definitely not perfect dog owners, but we've always tried our best to give her a happy and comfortable life.

Now I work in Metro Manila, and honestly, one of the biggest reasons I go home is because of her. She's so cute, kahit masungit minsan haha. I really like kissing and hugging her so muchhhh.

This morning, my ate called and told me that our dog started getting angry whenever they touched her. It's like something na masakit in her paa raw. We brought her to the vet right away. The vet said she has osteophytes because she's getting old.

I know aging is a inevitable, and I know someday that time will come. But it's so hard knowing that she's in pain and growing old. This is the first time we've had a dog grow old. Our first dog was only around 1–2 years old before she was taken from us, so this is all new to me.

For those who have senior dogs, how did you handle this stage? What made your dogs more comfortable? And how did you cope emotionally seeing them get older and start having health issues?

Thank you.

ang hirap maging mahirap. sana binigyan lang ako ng pagsubok na kaya ko lang harapin. sana yung hirap lang na kaya kong kayanin, sana yung level lang na hirap lang na kaya kong lagpasan. wala lang, nakakapagod lang kasi.

I've been applying for work over the past weeks. Hindi para mag-exaggerate ako, pero average of 50 applications every day and over 1000 applications na sa mga nakaraang linggo. Hindi ko alam kung saturated ba ang market kaya walang tumatawag sa akin o very competitive lang talaga ang labanan ngayon.

I recently reset my life. I left my corporate life of 10 years to pursue my life abroad. Things didn't work out. And now, I went back to Manila. I travelled over the past year, napagod ngayon, naghahanap ng work. May emergency fund naman, but I don't want to wait for it na magalaw. Savings naman, unti-unti nababawasan. Majority ng investments ko, puro pang-long term.

Life's been tough and will always be tough. I am taking this season as a preparation for what's going to happen next.

I am not losing hope. I know na kung ang opportunity ay para sa akin, hindi ko ’yon mamimiss. Kung umabot ka dito, salamat sa pagbabasa. Para sa kapwa ko trentahin, kaya natin 'to!

Birthday is nearing and I again feel blue. I feel I’m again being left out, I feel I’m alone. However, this may be demanding from my end as I want to be with my friends yet as adulting occurs, they’re not free. I know Im just being OA and ofc their reasons are all valid, that theyve got priorities. I just feel sad

I have bipolar and BPD. I’m not blaming my sickness pero it’s a major part of why I am the way I am

May friends ako na I treasure a lot, but later on the friendship broke. Usually kasalanan ko. May episodes na I have a hard time controlling my thoughts and feelings, to the point na I say or do things na I never wanted to.

Hanggang ngayon I regret what I did to them. It’s a smart choice na they left me because I’m unstable and hard to be friends with

Just last week, I had an episode ulit where I did a mean thing to a friend. Now, medyo uncomfy siya to be around me.

I know I have to focus on working on myself. I hope someday I could get better, even if it means going through the hardships of battling my thoughts everyday.

But a thought always bears in my mind na sana kaya kong maayos yung mga friendships na nasira ko. sana I could have a chance to be friends with them ulit and be a better friend. Pero that’s life. We choose who we be friends with and if they choose not to be friends with me, then it’s something na hindi ko ipipilit.

edit: I don’t know how to determine if they still want to be friends kasi ayokong namimilit ng tao :(( so only thing i know how to do is to express sorry/regretful I am and to give space unless spoken to :((

Do you ever feel like you're running out of time to give your parents the life they've always deserved?

I've been feeling that a lot lately.

My parents are getting older. Little by little, health issues are starting to show. Right now, my mom is still undergoing tests because of a possible cancer diagnosis. We don't have the final results yet, but just hearing the possibility has been enough to make my mind spiral.

I'm the eldest daughter. I was blessed with parents who never asked us for anything. They spent their lives making sure we had what we needed, and now all I want is to give back.

I work from home and I earn enough to help with the bills and our small business, but sometimes I wish I could do so much more.

I don't even know why I'm posting this. I guess I just needed to let it out.

Please... not yet.

I'm still starting. I'm still working hard. I still have so many plans for them. I want to take them on trips they've never had the chance to experience. I want us to go on vacations together while we're still complete. I want to buy them things without them feeling guilty of spending, I want them to enjoy life without worrying anymore.

I know none of us can stop time, and I know death is something we'll all face someday. But if I could ask for one thing, it's just... please wag muna ngayon.

I know maybe I'm overthinking. Maybe everything will turn out okay. I know we don't even have a diagnosis yet, and I know there are treatments if needed. It's just hard not to be scared.

I hope everything turns out okay. I hope we still have many more years together. Time really does move faster than we realize. 😭

Iniisip ko tuloy now kung gagamitin ko pa rin ba PWD ID ko.

For context, I have psychosocial disability (Bipolar 1 with psychotic features) and is currently working sa Makati. 27 na ako pero magtu-two years pa lang nagwowork kasi hindi ako stable dati and hindi makalabas nang matagal nang hindi binabantayan. Bale ngayon pa lang ako natututo maging independent kahit paano at gumastos sa mga pangangailangan ko lalo sa mga gamot. Medyo mahal kasi even yung antipsychotics, naabot ng 100 pesos per tablet depende sa brand kaya sabi ng psych ko ay gamitin ko daw lagi yung PWD ID ko at karapatan daw yun ng PWD. Dati sa mga restaurant ko lang ito ginagamit hanggang recently, nalaman ko na may bawas din pala sa bus 'to kaya simula noon pumipila na ko sa pang PWD na lane.

Nung nakaraan, pumila ako sa One Ayala. Medyo malayo pa yung konduktor pero tumingin sakin tas parang pinataas yung ID ko tas nagsensyas siya na pumasok na sa bus. Nung malapit na ko sa pinto ng bus, siniko ako ng malaking lalaki sabay sigaw ng "Bastos ka Miss, nakapila kami!". Napatahimik ako tas pinakita ko yung ID ko kasi di ako makapagsalita. Tapos sinamaan lang ako ng tingin nung lalaki tas umakyat siya at nauna sa pagpasok. Nagsorry ako sa mga sumunod na pasahero habang naiyak tas bumalik ako sa pila ng priority. Medyo nakakahiya kasi parang bata akong naiyak pero medyo sensitive lang din siguro ako noon. Buong araw ako nagpanggap na bubbly with my co-workers not knowing na I just cut my wrist 5 days ago at medyo unstable pa. Pero gusto ko ring makausad sa buhay na maramdaman kong normal at functioning na tao ako kahit yung stability ko ngayon, nakadepende lang naman talaga sa gamot. Pero sinisikap ko pa rin kahit minsan nagfafail at self harm, binabangon ko naman po, sorry.

Pinuntahan ako ng konduktor at sinamahan pumasok sa bus. Sa may gitna pa rin naman ako naupo kasi iniiwan ko pa rin yung unahang upuan sa mga matatanda kahit may ID ako. Pero ilang beses ko na rin naranasan makwestiyon sa paggamit ng ID na ito sa bus dahil hindi visible yung disability ko. Kaya, ewan, medyo nahihiya na rin ako.

Yun lang.