This is my second time posting in this group and sharing my experience with how I’ve been dealing with my mental health. It’s been six months and i am 23M, and honestly, nothing has really changed. I’m still in almost the same position I was 6–7 months ago. This year has been like a roller coaster, with a lot of ups and downs, and it has been really hard for me.
First of all, many people have wronged me and treated me very badly, as if I were a piece of crap, even though I only had good intentions toward them. Many people tend to misunderstand me and don't talk to me properly, even at home or when I meet new people.
I suffered bullying during my high school days, and it was hell for me. Many of my classmates bullied me because of my accent and the way I spoke. That constant bullying made me lose my confidence. I was later diagnosed with depression and social anxiety, which made it very difficult for me to talk to people or make new friends.
After completing high school, I joined a degree course near my hometown and slowly started regaining some of my confidence. But it still wasn't enough because my home was always stressful. There were always high expectations, and I was constantly being criticized for the things I struggled with. It made me feel like I was never good enough.
I eventually got a job, but that didn't end well either. It completely turned my life upside down. I lost my motivation, my depression came back, and I lost the will to live.
I lost my father at a very young age, and ever since I was a child, all I ever wanted was to have a nice family and good friends. I do have some friends, but some of them only talk to me when they need something.
I know life isn't the same for everyone, but it's extremely painful watching the people who hurt me and treated me like I was nothing live their best lives while I feel like I'm stuck here in hell. The people who destroyed my confidence seem to be doing perfectly fine, while I am still struggling to put myself back together.
I used to have a passion for something during my undergraduate years. Now, I feel hopeless, have no motivation, and have lost the will to live. I am currently in worst position of my life such as financially, no emotional support and constant misunderstanding between others.
Right now, I am suffering from extreme depression, and I get suicidal thoughts at least 1–3 times a week. I am trying very hard to cope with them, but it has been extremely difficult.
I don't know why people misunderstand me or why I struggle so much to get along with others. I am not a bad person. Sometimes, I feel like the way people have treated me has created a villain out of someone who was only trying to be good. I just wanted to feel loved at least once in my life. I want to know what it feels like to be genuinely loved and cared for by someone.
