I’ve debated posting this update for a while out of fear of being annoying, but I think this kind of reminder is so important.

For 7 years I was in such a horrible place mentally and emotionally and felt so held back by my ex-boyfriend. We were high school sweethearts, had our own apartment together, got a cat together, and it just felt like that was the natural spot for our relationship to be in.

Long story short, after getting into a new job and being surrounded by kindness, I realized that I was dreading going home more than I was being at work. I would drag myself up the stairs to our apartment and be in tears by the time I got to the final step just not ready to step inside whatever was waiting for me.

He was never physically abusive, but there was a constant kind of emotional toll where I felt like a burden, that I wasn’t as intelligent as him, that I couldn’t ever be as good as he was at things, that I wasn’t funny, wasn’t attractive, wasn’t worth hanging out with. He’d call me names, talk down to me, laugh at me, and also just hated hanging out with me. Literally wanted nothing to do with me.

I was so excited when I made new friends at my new job and they were asking to hang out with me. And he would tell me they were just being nice because they were paid to be nice to me. I would cry every single night and if I wasn’t crying, I was just dissociating.

One day I just woke up and decided this was it, I had the rest of my life ahead of me, and there was no way I could spend the rest of it being treated that way or feeling that way. I asked this exact subreddit wtf i should do, and I got some pretty direct answers (I read every one of them). So we broke up that next day, I moved out a few weeks later, moved into my own apartment, and let him keep the cat.

I truly had no idea exactly how held back I was until I got my bachelors degree, moved across the country, learned to fly a plane, met the absolute love of my life, got married, bought a house, learned to ski, wrote and published a book, and have traveled to more places in these 6 years than I ever thought I’d go to in my entire life.

All of this to say, my husband is the best person I’ve ever met in my life. Literally my other half. I thought I knew what that meant until I met him, and realized everything I always thought about love and relationships was so incredibly wrong.
It isn’t just about how good the good times are, but it’s how good the bad times are too. Our highs are high, and our lows - are still pretty high.

When we disagree, he respects me. When we argue, he respects me. He listens to me. He shows consideration for me. Even when we are annoyed or upset, there is always thoughtfulness.

I never realized what it meant when people say relationships are always work, because in my last one there was no work. There was complacency. There wasn’t ever a moment where we talked through what we needed from the other person, because there was an understanding that he would never change. We never discussed how we could be better people for each other, because he never had an interest in doing so.

If I never took a leap of faith and asked this group of people if my feelings and his behavior are normal, I would still be in that same spot today, probably miserable, and complacent. I truly appreciate everyone’s support and push for me to get out.

I think I’ve been thinking so heavily on this recently is because I’m almost as far out as I was in, and it’s crazy to think about how much time I gave myself back by getting out when I did.

This is all jumbled around because I’m obviously emotional thinking about this all lol but again, please take my word for it, you don’t have to settle. You can get out and find happiness in yourself, and then happiness with someone else. And then in 6 years you’ll be looking back with such gratitude and thankfulness that you left when you did. ❤️