Hi everyone,
I’m an ENFP (at least that’s how I’ve always identified), and lately I’ve been struggling with something that I can’t seem to figure out. I’m curious if anyone recognizes this or has gone through something similar.
The past few months have been incredibly busy for me. I was finishing my internship, writing my thesis, pushing myself pretty hard academically, and trying to perform at a high level. Everything has now ended almost at the same time, including the person I was dating, and I currently feel a bit emotionally… flat or disconnected. It’s hard to tell whether that’s exhaustion, grief, or something else.
During those months I was dating someone who (I think) is either an ISTP or ISFJ. She was kind, emotionally safe, intelligent, attractive, and we genuinely enjoyed spending time together. We made a good team, and I honestly wanted to fall in love with her.
The problem is… I never really did.
I cared about her, I enjoyed being with her, and there were definitely moments of attraction. But I kept waiting for this deeper feeling to grow, and after about three months I was still thinking, “I wish I felt more.”
Eventually we ended things because it didn’t feel fair to keep hoping something would suddenly appear and she started to become insecure about it.
Now I’m grieving in a strange way. I don’t necessarily miss her intensely; I mostly miss the companionship, the routines, the conversations, and what we could have become. That makes me question myself. Am I expecting a feeling that doesn’t exist? Did I walk away too soon? Or was I actually listening to something important?
What makes this even more confusing is that before her, I had very strong feelings for someone else (an INFP). Ironically, that situation was almost the opposite.
Things actually started out pretty consistent between us, but towards the end everything became vague and emotionally confusing. We reconnected a few times afterwards, and every time there was still a strong connection, but it always remained unclear and never really went anywhere. That experience stayed with me for a long time, and I sometimes wonder whether my brain accidentally started associating uncertainty and longing with love.
Another thing I’ve noticed recently is that I seem to have become hyper-aware of my own emotions.
Whenever I feel anything, I immediately step outside of the experience and start analyzing it:
“Oh, I’m feeling this.”
“What does this mean?”
“Is this enough?”
“Is this real?”
Instead of simply experiencing my emotions, I constantly monitor them. It’s exhausting, and it almost makes me feel disconnected from myself.
I’ve also realized that I struggle to distinguish between:
what I genuinely want,
what I think I should want,
and what simply fits the image or identity I have of myself.
For example, instead of noticing, “Do I actually feel like doing this today?” I often think, “Well, I’m someone who enjoys this, so I guess I should do it.” It’s like I know my preferences intellectually, but I sometimes lose touch with what I actually need in the moment.
It feels like I’m running into both old patterns and completely new ones at the same time. I’m trying to become more in touch with myself, but sometimes I feel like the more I analyze my feelings, the less I can actually hear them.
Has anyone else experienced something similar?
Especially if you’re an ENFP:
Have you ever struggled to know whether you genuinely liked someone, or whether you were waiting for a feeling that never came?
Have you experienced becoming overly self-aware of your emotions?
How did you learn to trust your feelings again instead of constantly analyzing them?
How do you distinguish between what you truly want in the moment versus what simply fits your idea of who you are?
And if you’ve ever experienced something similar, what helped you reconnect with yourself?
I’m not really looking for people to tell me whether I made the “right” decision. I’m much more interested in hearing how other people have experienced/ handled this and whether they recognize these patterns.
Thanks for reading :)