As per title.

Last week on our first day of holidays we had an argument.

Then he said how he feels that im not appreciative enough by the way I react when he does sth for me or when he gives me a gift.(I tend to not be overly enthusiastic but still thankful) and says his coworkers are more appreciative of what he does.

Then he says that he walk on eggshells around me and I asked him to explain what I do and he says that im too blunt with how I speak.

Then I said "why even continue dating,you know im autistic,you listed all these behaviours that wont change".He then said he feels too attached to me to let me go like...

We continued our holidays but I noticed ever since my heart has been racing and legs keep moving and then I got incredibly sick and now we are back to our flat and feel nonstop stressed while he acts like nothing happened.

For context, I am a teen. Now my exams are close (one year till graduation) so I have a lot of responsibilities. And they too much. I don’t like become older. I can do social activities or house chores or school exam preparation. Now I need to do it at the same time. It makes me cry too often

I believe I may have autism after researching for 6 months or so. However, I’m moving to a college that’s a couple hours away in 3 1/2 weeks and won’t have access to doctors included in my insurance. Just wondering if any of you have advice on how I should move forward. Should I try to schedule an appointment with a psychologist in my 3 1/2 weeks left? I’m not sure how long the process takes to get a diagnosis and I would have to drive home for a weekend if I couldn’t get an appointment in 3 weeks, which would be inconvenient for my parents who don’t believe I’m autistic.

I'm diagnosed and have been living in the middle of nowhere for pretty much all my life with my parents but wanna go to uni and they even have apartments in the city but I just feel incredibly crushed by living here. It feels as if someone is always sitting on my chest or choking me. Nothing allows me to get comfortable and last night I even threw up. The area is really good and quiet so I genuinely don't feel cut out for being in a city and suspect it's connected to my condition

Anyone else had issues like that and how did you solve it?

Hi all. I am posting this on behalf of my 10 year old autistic daughter. She’s been running in to a special situation that she doesn’t really know how to correct. She loves having playdates with her friends, but one friend specifically tells her “why do you invite me over if you don’t play?” Her friend doesn’t really understand her personality, I don’t think (friend is neurotypical). She isn’t mean about it, but her friend keeps getting continuously upset with her. She expects my daughter to entertain her, I guess. I’ve repeatedly (kindly) told friend that she isn’t trying to be mean, she just plays differently.
My daughter prefers to do parallel play, where her friends are over, but she is doing her own thing while they do their own thing. If her friends get loud, she needs a moment to step away from them and resume playing later. I asked her if she wanted to stop asking that particular friend to play, but she’s adamant she still wants her to come over. I don’t want to pressure my daughter into breaking off the friendship if she doesn’t want to, but I feel bad that the only kids she has around her to be friends with are very obviously neurotypical and misunderstanding her. She’s the sweetest girl and loves being around her friends, but I hate seeing them misunderstand her.

anyone else feel extremely hypersensitive to the sensation of hunger and digestive sensations? and it’s not just that the sensations are loud, it’s like if I try to turn my attention away from them, my stomach clenches up… I feel as though my digestive system needs my attention on it in order to digest… How else can I describe this?

it developed over the course of many years with a combination of anorexia, dinner table trauma, and yes IBS. It affects my life a lot a lot a lot and I would so love to heal this.

A therapist suggested that I just stop giving the sensation so much attention, even if it causes my digestion to clench up, to sort of force my brain to learn to digest on its own without being so loud and without my attention. But I’m needing more suggestions on how to ignore a sensation that is so loud as though you stubbed your toe or burned your finger? That’s how loud the sensation is for me… All suggestions for what has worked for you are welcome! 🙏🏽 🙏🏽

TLDR: getting constantly strawmanned by NTs

The summary of my interactions with people is basically someone assuming my question is in bad faith or dumb, offering some unsolicited and unrelated advice while patronizing me, then getting defensive when I say “oh that’s not what I was talking about and also wasn’t asking you but thanks!!”

It seems like people haven’t heard of “if it doesn’t apply, let it fly” NT people will insert themselves into any conversation, even if they dont have the answers, then try to make you feel stupid.

For example, I commented on a casual knitting sub asking the OP if they used a pattern for their piece. I was bombarded with people basically saying I was stupid for asking “an odd question” and should have directly dmed OP (less likely to get a response) if I wanted to know.

People arguing over the semantics of my question instead of the material- if a pattern was used or not. I posted question into knitting advice sub and was met with about 50/50 helpful and similar comments to the aforementioned.

So I was late diagnosed, spent my whole life masking, eldest sister, holding dysfunctional family together etc. Now that I know what's up, I've been a lot kinder to myself, and I'm trying to be more authentic in my relationships.

Anyway, my little bro is getting married to a lovely NT girl who just invited me to be part of the wedding prep, which includes getting matching PJ's, hair and makeup on the day, an IV drip for fun, and morning champagne with a bunch of girls I don't know.

I've just sent her a voice message telling her how awesome she is and how happy she makes my bro, but also telling her I can't do the matching pj's and morning hang-out. Even thinking about it makes me feel panicky.

I've also recently experienced a massive trauma, and although I am starting to see light at the end of the tunnel, I'm still not even leaving the house most days.

So my message was to tell her that I support her and want her to have an amazing day, but I can't be there for that bit. I also made myself really vulnerable and told her I look forward to having her as a sister, because I lost my sister to suicide many years ago. So I was hoping for some compassion maybe?

But she has just blue-ticked me, which means that I've upset her, and I'm really not sure where to go from here.

I just wish that people could accept that I have limits, that I have a real disability, and that sometimes it is about me, not just about them.

So yeah, just venting I guess. I was hoping for a kind response and now I'm just feeling super anxious, like I've done something really awful. Sigh...

Advice is absolutely allowed, I just don't know what better flair to use

I feel like everything I want my autistic body ensures I can't have. Like I have need for connection like people typically seem to do but am incapable of fulfilling that need because trying to connect only ever causes stress and pain. So I feel doomed to a state of either loneliness or stressful loneliness, and I know it will only get worse when I move out.

Because of the stress, I'm just about mute outside of home. I don't talk unless I'm spoken to, or I need to ask something. Sometimes I just can't talk, because my mind freezes and I can't think. Or I straight up run out of breath and struggle to even breath. Or I might try to say a word to someone, like "hi", and I open my mouth and speak but no sound ever comes out. I think that's because I struggle to control my voice and maybe it gets worse when I am stressed. Even at home with my family I tend to be fairly quiet even though I love my family. Somehow even interacting with them can cause stress when it shouldn't. I feel like the only times I interact without stress are talking to my dog or my little brother, but I'm sure that will change when he grows up.

And speaking of my voice, it worsens things as I feel so ashamed of it. I have that very strong "autism accent" and often trip on my words. My voice is monotonous and doesn't sound feminine at all. I don't even know how to describe it, I just know I hate it and I feel like just speaking makes me a burden to people.

I've dreamt of one day having a husband but I've realized it's practically hopeless since I can't speak and nothing about me is remotely desirable. I try to forget it and pretend like it doesn't matter and imagine me in a fictional relationship as a replacement, but every now and then reality catches back up to me and I feel more hopeless.

I feel like all my blights can be traced back to this autistic body, even things I once assumed were unrelated to autism. My horrific posture and inability to feel and correct it? Made a lot more sense when I learned about the connection between autism and decreased proprioception + muscle tone. My life-threatening food allergy? Yeah we're 2-3 times more likely to have those because of our faultier immune systems. Me getting PTSD over something that would traumatize no one else? Of course we're like 10x more likely to develop PTSD and more likely to do so from relatively benign things, thanks to our overreactive nervous system.

And I think my autism slowly gets worse over time. Cause when I was a young kid, I didn't even have much of a problem talking to people or wearing certain clothes. I was always a little "shy" but nothing like this. And then I developed sensory issues to many clothes and my social skills regressed and then mental health issues came. Even to this day I think it's getting worse, I never really had much sensory issues with sounds unless I was already really stressed. But now very loud sounds and things like my dog's barks, which never bothered me before, start to make me a bit stressed.

I just don't know what to do or if there is anything that truly can be done to help me. I haven't been to therapy for this, but I have been in the past from the PTSD (which wasnt related to my social issues), and it only made things ten times worse. I think part of that was because I had to relive the trauma to talk about it, and part of it was thanks to my autism making it so communication is so stressful.

Do any of you *not* like to talk about their special interest and look up information on it? This is the case for me, specifically about my main special interest. My main special interest has been a certain video game for over 22 years now (I'm choosing not to share its title here, as that would upset me). I have very strong feelings about everything surrounding this game. My loved ones do know about this. They also know I collect this game's merchandise, which they will sometimes buy me as a gift on special occasions. However, they are very much aware not to bring up the subject. I remember this being the case even as a child, since I 'acquired' my special interest back when I was 10. Conversely, I remember sharing information on it and wanting to play as the game's characters with other children. Later on, I tried sharing some of it with a romantic partner. However, this never felt right to me. I also have a hard time looking up information about this game on the internet. Cosplay conventions very much upset me, even just because of the slight possibility of someone cosplaying one of the game's characters. Basically, anything that could potentially 'taint' it is a no-go. I have often wondered if I am the only one experiencing this. I have never heard about something similar. Even now that I work as a psychologist, often seeing autistic children and their parents, I've never heard of anything like it. Also, the above is only true for my main special interest. What's odd is that I do like to talk and look up information about my other interests. I personally think that my main special interest is a true safe haven for me, which I must prevent from being 'tainted' as that could make it feel different and therefore less safe.

Edit: Thank all of you so much for taking the time and effort to reply and share your own experiences with this. It's such a relief to realise I'm not the only one experiencing these feelings.

Has anybody else experienced this? I’m interested in many things, but I can’t definitively say that one thing in particular is my absolute special interest. I kind of think it’s because I grew up in a family where no one really wanted to listen to what I talked about, so I just kind of suppressed that part of my personality. I didn’t really even have a hobby until about five years ago. When I try to talk to people about my interests, it always seems like they know more than me, and then I shut down because I’m embarrassed or feel insecure. I share some interests with my husband; when I introduce him to something, he learns about it and starts bombarding me with facts about it. I shut down then, too. We’ve talked about it and he understands and has gotten better. I was diagnosed at barely 22 years old; 26 now. I feel kind of in-between as far as ASD goes because I’ve never heard of this in anyone else before, but I am definitely on the spectrum.

Help me figure this out because I'm genuinely confused.

So there's this girl in my university, let's call her KD. Ever since I first met her in my first year, I've had the feeling that she just doesn't like me. I was already in the class when she joined a little later (not sure if that's relevant, but I'm just trying to include everything I can remember in case it helps).

Anyway, I'm chronically ill, and because of that, I am not able to attend classes regularly. I do get some medical accommodations, but they aren't much since my university doesn't have many chronically ill or physically disabled students. They don't really have many resources or systems in place to support the few students who do need these accommodations.

The main issue is that KD often does things that feel passive-aggressive toward me.

For example, if a professor can't take attendance, they'll ask one of us to post the names of the students who are present in our official class group. Whenever KD is the one making the list, she'll often leave my name out. Either I or our CR has to add my name afterward. When someone asks why she left me out, she says something like, "Her name is so complicated that I get confused and forget to add it."

Another example, if I'm talking to my friends from outside my course, she'll make comments to her own friends loudly enough for me to hear, like, "Wow, she's really different around her friends. It's like they cured her illness."

Or if I'm standing outside a professor's office because I need to discuss something, she'll come up to me and say, "Tsk... why aren't you in class?"

I'm not a pushover, so if she's rude to me, I usually match her tone. I don't start arguments, but I'm not overly nice either.

There was also a club registration issue in my second year. Our university requires first- and second-year students to join at least one club. I was going to submit my form myself, but my classmates told me they were submitting everyone's forms together and that I didn't need to worry.

It turned out that my form got messed up, and it caused me some problems. Now we're in third year, and they told me they hadn't realized because KD was the one responsible for handling everyone's forms. Nobody really apologized. They just explained what happened. I simply said, "Okay," and moved on. I can't entirely blame them because, honestly, if I had just submitted my own form, none of this would've happened.

Before all of that happened, I actually tried to extend an olive branch. When I heard KD got engaged, I got her a small congratulatory gift. She literally rolled her eyes at it. After that, I decided to keep my distance. Now I only interact with her if she speaks to me first.

What confuses me is that I genuinely can't think of anything I ever did to upset her. As far as I remember, I've never been rude to her or had any conflict with her. It honestly felt like she disliked me from the moment we met. I know nobody here can know what's going on in her mind, but I'm curious, what could be the reason for this kind of behaviour? Am I missing something, or does it sound like she just has some issue with me?

There are a few more incidents, but this post is already long enough.

TL;DR: I have a classmate who has seemed to dislike me since the day we met. She frequently makes passive-aggressive comments about me and my chronic illness, leaves my name out of attendance lists, and has been involved in situations that have caused me problems. I even tried being friendly once by giving her a small engagement gift, and she rolled her eyes. I genuinely can't think of anything I've done to her. What could make someone dislike a person they've barely interacted with?

Not sure about the flag, think this might be closest to my issue. So my bf constantly claims I’m a bad car driver. This thing almost escalated when I once again drove him home, because he had a few beers, and claimed I’m hitting manholes all the time which means his tires being at a potential risk of being scratched by the curb. Our roads are really shitty and there are a lots of potholes so I don’t necessarily pay attention to this but I’m quite confident I would notice hitting a manhole and I’m really sure I didn’t hit a single one. And there’s literally no reason to claim I’m a bad driver in general tbh. In fact several people told me I’m a great driver so it really confuses me. And he also lends me his new car to drive around on my own and even said that I’m not a bad driver once? Idk I thought this might be autism related that I don’t get what this is all about and it’s starting to make me feel really bad and confused.

TW: Sexual assault

This past semester has been really hard for me. I don’t want to get into every detail, but the gist is I got my friends at the time together to help me produce a musical I wrote on campus. My friends set me up with one of the crew members, but the relationship was very turbulent and every time I expressed doubts it was shot down. It didn’t help that my best friend at the time, who I cast as the lead, was very clearly going for someone I had history with and really wanted something to work out with in the past.

There was a lingerie party and I opened up to my best friend, and boyfriend at the time about potentially having BPD on top of autism bc my emotional breakdowns were becoming more frequent. That night, my then boyfriend asked me numerous times to take my clothes off even though I was drunk and said I was very tired I uncomfortably complied after he tried taking my underwear off. I broke up with him shortly after, and it felt like most of my team immediately turned against me.

I ended up doing a lot more work such as building and painting set pieces, was kept out of the loop on creative decisions and technical discussions, and was expected to deal with a lot of disrespect. I found out my ex boyfriend and my now ex best friend were complaining about how I’m “crazy” and “unmedicated” and “manipulative” for hugging my ex during our break up discussion. People were saying I “needed to get my shit together”. I would come home to the people talking like this about me hanging out or drinking in my apartment living room bc one of my housemates was friends with them. I My ex discouraged the lights operator from finishing cues during tech week, and disappeared opening night and needed to be filled in, and I was not informed or included in any discussion even though I was in charge of the project. We even have an audio archive of closing night and one of my cast mates remarked my work as “stupid” and “poorly written”.

I reached out to a mutual friend of my former best friend to warn her that she was remaining close with someone who had broken my boundaries. I was heard out and explained that my former best friend had spread rumors about me as well. She denied everything to her friend, and then revealed that my ex boyfriend essentially made friends to swear loyalty to him. His fake story was that I “initially said no” and then “changed my mind” suddenly and consented. He basically told people that I was crazy and if I came forward about anything different having happened, I was lying. I was furious because it’s very easy to connect the dots and figure out what exactly is being implied, but I was blocked.

I really want to move on. I miss who I was before everything happened. I miss being excited to write songs and stories. I collaborated with everyone because I thought we were friends. I feel like a shell of who I once was. I am so angry that I can’t confide in my former friends about this, and on top of that, my family doesn’t like when I talk about the past semester (they don’t know about the big thing and I’m scared they wouldn’t believe me) so everything has just been stifled inside. I’m so scared for next year. I don’t want these people to treat someone else like this. I don’t think it’s fair I’m expected to suck everything up when what happened to me will never be okay. But I want to look forward to the future too. Just so much pain weighing me down.

So TLDR - I was SA’d, bullied into silence, and my passion project suffered as a result. I want to speak out about how horrific this was. I want to move forward with a Title IX investigation. But I also want to be able to focus on the present. I don’t want to cry about this anymore. I don’t want this pain to be my current reality.

So sorry for my anger here. It’s been a very rough couple of months for me. I just wish to be treated like a human being. I want to feel like a person again.

I’m a 23 year old AuDHD lesbian and I didn’t trust my own self judgement when I was younger and got hurt as a result, over and over again. That’s where the autism part is relevant. I never felt like I was deserving of healthy love, that even within queer spaces I was less than and had to just accept whoever wanted to be with me even if I didn’t feel as though they truly loved me. From a very young age I was discouraged from trusting my own feelings of something being right or wrong and I felt like I couldn’t really trust my own gut.

I’ve been in therapy and I genuinely feel as though the only thing that could help me truly heal is feeling safe in a relationship but I’m so risk avoidant I don’t even know how to go about addressing this. I cannot have the sort of positive experiences that I’d need in a therapy session and unless my therapist understands both being queer and neurodivergent I feel like my whole identity is being put under question. I have no issue with opening up about what happened to friends and family and I have many close friends that I am able to connect with.

I have worked things out on an intellectual level but I don’t know how to work through the avoidance and genuine feeling of not being safe when any sort of intimacy is there. I worry that if I were to date again and genuinely open up more, that I wouldn’t be able to trust my own judgement. I’m scared of getting close to people, of being touched, of genuinely trusting them. So I hold them at arms length. I feel like when dating, especially as a lesbian, everything must be so intense so quickly. I just can’t do it and I can’t exactly blame any new partner for not having the patience to wait until I feel ready for even the simplest forms of affection.

I want to love and be loved but I don’t know how?

30F here! Just received my level 1 diagnosis today. I grew up always feeling very different from my peers and was severely bullied growing up for it. I suspected last year, after taking FLMA, that I was neurodivergent (ADHD). I work in heavily overstimulating environment and bc it’s so regulated it’s hard to function without burning out. I didn’t think I was autistic (it never even crossed my mind) bc I had such an ableist view of my own inner struggles. After deep consideration, I ended up finally getting evaluated for autism. Turns out, this whole time I was high masking and I was clearly autistic since birth. Ngl, I completely broke down and sobbed. I struggled so much in my early life, and I have such relief and grief surrounding all of this. I am still processing all of this.

Photo Credit: @flekioh

Getting dressed for the office triggers my executive dysfunction, especially recently 2 months. I am not sure what is happening. Between the decision fatigue of picking an outfit in the morning and sensory overload while wearing it, I'm exhausted before I started driving. Which is adding to my daily struggle.

I especially can’t deal with stiff woven fabrics, rigid waistbands, or scratchy tags. I take out the tags as best as I can, But woven fabrics are kinda the norm for my office wear, at least that’s what people around me wear to work. If a seam is digging into my shoulder or my slacks feel restrictive when I sit down, it forces me to focus exclusively on the discomfort. That really sucks.

I've been trying to find alternatives, but it is much harder than I thought it would be. The Uniqlo rayon blouses everyone recommends feel too stiff to me on bad days. Quince's modal tops, ok, definitely softer, but they lack structure and look a bit sloppy by noon. I did find one Ogl stretchy knit top that's been working okay as it has some stretch but doesn't get all baggy, though I can't just wear the same shirt every day so I really need more options.

I am looking for ultra-soft, unrestrictive basics that look professional before I actually have a melt down, which is extremely close tbh. Any advice is appreciated!

Hello all

I'm 38, 99% sure I'm autistic. My brother, who's a doctor, gave me a screener test they use for university research candidates (nb it is not fitted diagnostic purposes but a good indicator) and i scored v highly.

My question is, to those of you who have an official diagnosis, how did it change your life for the better? Were there any negative sides to it?

I'm seriously considering going to the doctor but at the same time I'm worried they will say 'even if you are who cares you're surviving'.

I don't mind if it takes a while, I'm not in a hurry.

hello, i have really wanted friends for a very long time and i’ve made a few thru out the years but it’s always a struggle and i can never keep them? i have ASD (autism) and usually the feed back i get is that im “weird” or people get frustrated when i don’t understand things. i try really hard…i state my lack and issues in communication with implied meanings or subtext… ie i always tell everyone in the beginning and ask that if they have any issues with me or if im doing anything wrong please just tell me directly so i can fix it…usually at the end though it often translates to something i should’ve picked up in even if directly ask three days prior and check in.

ive tried making a habit on checking in as i was informed to others what feels communicative to me other feel is confrontational… so i try to open those conversations myself to help and just occasionally (non anxiously) check in and ask…

i recognize that i may not always realize when people want me to stop talking, so i have tried to become more aware of this and also build a habit of asking others questions too or centering conversations towards them.

i also struggles to know when people are pretending to be my friend but don’t actually like me? for example i find it confusing when someone says a compliment but laughs while saying it? at the time i feel they are nice, later my boyfriend explains i was the joke and what they were complimenting was not a compliment but something they were making fun of me for.

i do struggle a lot with literalness ie if you see me and say that we should catch up sometime soon, i believe this and wait for the plans (also recently explained as a formality?)

essentially though i don’t know how to bridge this in a way to be likable. as stated, i try to explain my gaps in understanding, i tell people it’s okay to call me out directly and honestly preferable, im in my own therapy to help build more skills and understanding, i try to be communicative if i don’t understand things and ask questions, i smile, i try to approach people based on how i was told which is usually shared similarities,i try to not noticeable stim in public, i try to be “easy going” even though i feel deeply uncomfortable, i try to become aware and limit talking about my interests, i inform that i have autism but usually it becomes a joke to them? (example, if im in a social situation with a “friend” and someone i don’t know- if i get confused or unsure about something ill ask the person i don’t know, they usually laugh when i ask and then the friend says ‘don’t kind mind her she’s autistic asf’” , usually at the end my common critiques are that “i’m weird/ you’re kinda weird as fuck lol” “you’re not normal” or “you’re incapable of literally understanding anything and it’s frustrating to explain everything to you all the time”. if the disagreement continues it reaches mockery usually if i start to get upset…

i am unsure what to do.. and how am i supposed to know what people are saying if they’re words are saying the opposite?
i try understanding tone but im wrong when i interpret it, i try facial expressions but i either read them wrong or dont know what im looking at… is there some other way to tell? like i just don’t know what im missing

Hi everyone,

I’m 30 and feeling like I’m at a crossroads career-wise, and I’d love to hear from anyone who’s been in a similar situation.

I’ve worked in graphic design for about 9 years across a marketing research firm, a marketing agency, and as a freelance designer. My work has included branding, presentation design, email marketing, websites, print design, social media, and production design.

There are parts of design I genuinely enjoy. I love:
- Presentation design
- Email design
- Applying existing brand systems across different assets
- Website maintenance and updates
- Administrative and organizational tasks
- Learning new software and figuring out efficient workflows

I also really enjoy working remotely or in a hybrid environment because I find it much less draining than being in an office full-time.

The problem is that I don’t know if I’m unhappy with design or just the corner of the industry I’ve ended up in.

I’ve never really had a proper mentor, so sometimes I wonder if my growth as a designer has been stunted. I feel like I missed out on learning the strategic and conceptual side of design, which has made me curious about art direction and more concept-driven creative work. Part of me wonders if that’s the path I should be exploring instead.

At the same time, I’ve always had a huge interest in psychology and helping people. Lately I’ve been looking into careers like disability case management, counselling, or eventually becoming a therapist if I decided to go back to school.

The reason I’m struggling so much is that I can’t tell if I need a change in role or a complete change in career.

I’ve noticed that I’m happiest when I’m away from my computer, or at least not spending 8+ hours a day designing. That makes me think maybe a career pivot is what I need… but I don’t want to walk away from years of experience if I’m just in the wrong type of design job.

Has anyone else gone through something similar?
- Did you stay in design but find a niche that suited you better?
- Did you pivot into something completely different?
- If you left design, what transferable skills helped you?
- Has anyone here moved into psychology, social work, case management, UX, or another helping profession?
- If you’re an autistic woman who enjoys creativity but also wants more meaning, structure, and stability, what career ended up being the best fit?

I’m really just looking for honest experiences and guidance. Right now I feel stuck between investing more into becoming a stronger designer (possibly pursuing art direction or concept work) or taking the leap into a completely different career path.

Thanks so much for reading. ❤️

This might be an unpopular opinion, but I hate working from home. TLDR version at the bottom of the post.

31NB AuDHD here and somewhat recently graduated with my PhD & entered the workforce. Last year I worked a cubicle job at an office and had to be almost completely in person, and I thought it was awful. My sensory issues with the fluorescent lights, the buzzing of the computer cords and AC/heat, weird smells, etc. were off the charts. Constant noise from people talking in other cubicles, and the distraction of people coming to my cubicle unannounced made it impossible to stay focused. And the social anxiety from picking up on energy from workplace drama or knowing that certain toxic coworkers were at the office that day also made it hard. Also I get SO overstimulated in traffic so I hated my commutes. I started falling behind because I got almost no work done while at the office, and I’d be so drained by the end of the work day that I couldn’t enjoy my personal life.

This year, I got a job that’s completely work from home (WFH). I was super excited to have a more flexible schedule, to be able to unmask, to meet my own sensory needs, and to not have to commute. But sheeeeesh, did WFH come with its own set of problems:

- The lack of structure or consistency is absolutely debilitating. I don’t have a set schedule, my job essentially lets me work whenever I want, as long as I’m putting in 40+hrs a week and meeting my deadlines. And my days look different from week to week. But keeping a routine is so hard. I struggle to start the work day or work a full 8hrs a day/40hrs a week.
- The lack of transition time/space between work and home is non-existent since I don’t have a commute. My brain is still often in work mode even after I log off, or my brain is often still in relax mode despite needing to work.
- There are still plenty of distractions at home. My dogs want my attention every 5 minutes or are barking at something and it takes me out of my flow. My partner is also home a lot and can distract me, and even when they leave me alone it’s hard to not want to hang out with them. I remember there’s a yummy snack in the fridge and go to the kitchen. Or if I’m taking my lunch break, I might as well also watch some TV/do some chores/etc., which turns into me not working the rest of the afternoon. Then I’m stressed/anxious during my personal time about not getting enough done, or I work weekends to make up the lost time, which makes me feel like I don’t have any true free time or work-life balance.
- Despite being autistic, I’m also an extrovert and get energy from being around/working with other people (to an extent), and I’ve developed debilitating depression from sometimes going days at a time without interacting with anyone in person other than my partner & dogs. And the depression has just exacerbated all these issues.

I’m actually even less productive WFH and have fallen even more behind at work, to the point where my boss has had a few talks with me about it and I’ve had to do some remediation stuff.

I’m starting a new job this fall that is 4 days on-site/1 day WFH, with a set start/end time. And this job has more hands-on duties rather than having to sit at a desk in front of a computer all day. I’m hoping it helps, but I’m also nervous that I’ll just go back to the problems I had last time I worked on site.

I know WFH is seemingly everyone’s preference these days, so I’d love to know I’m not alone. And if anyone’s been in a situation like this and found things that help, lmk!!! Keeping a job as an AuDHD’er is tough but I really want to do it. TIA❤️

TLDR: I worked mostly in an office last year and had a ton of problems (sensory issues, distractions, social anxiety, etc.). This year I have a work from home job and it’s come with different problems (lack of a consistent schedule or start/end time, no work-life balance, no separation between work and home, depression from minimal in-person interaction). Want to see if anyone else has had these experiences

It's been a while now that I've been thinking that I'm probably autistic but the past few months it's been on my mind a lot. I'm feeling particularly vulnerable today so I don't want to share all that much about it, but suffice to say I'm struggling with this transition in my self-image. I want to make a playlist to help me process and I'd appreciate suggestions from autistic women of songs that feel relevant to your experience of this identity. Thank you.

Warning for an incoherent and possibly disturbing post, since I cannot put more than one tag.

Hi everyone!

I will explain the situation in the most generic way possible, to prevent this post from being traced back to me. English is not my first language and I refuse to use genAI for this, so apologies for any mistakes.

At the beginning of the year, I finished my PhD and started looking for a job.

The reason I'm writing this post asking for advice is that my job search hasn't been going well and, due to this, for the last few months I've been seriously fighting the urge to hit myself, especially on the head.

I don't know why I have this urge all the time, I've never had it before (at least, not to this degree), and I really don't want to give in to it. It is mostly triggered by thinking about my employment situation and prospects (or lack thereof), and it has only gotten stronger with time.

I normally have great self control, but especially after two "we decided to proceed with another candidate" after the last round of interviews, I start thinking that I will never find a job and end up homeless, and therefore get the urge to hit myself. As if it were the only logical next step in my chain of reasoning.

For those of you who dealt with a similar situation, how did you get out of it? What stopped this thought pattern, and did you have any healthier coping mechanisms you replaced it with? How can I try to reframe the problem to train myself out of that conclusion to my train of thought?

I try to journal about it, but it doesn't really have a lasting impact.