Anyone else? It’s hard to have a connection with someone who drinks till they pass out everyday.

About two years ago, I knew that he had something of a problem. He was unpleasant to be around when he had been drinking, and I had asked him to cut back and the cutting back never stayed. After we had a big long talk then, he said he would just stop drinking and as far as I knew, he kept to that.

I found out yesterday that he didn't. We had been trying for a baby, and I got pregnant (it's/would be seven weeks today). Yesterday, I started bleeding heavily and went to the hospital, and it really seems like a miscarriage is very imminent. He went out for a drive to clear his head last night, and came home obviously altered. I asked if he had drunk any, and he said he had two and it was the first time since he stopped. I was disappointed, but decided to let it go and something still felt wrong so I went to look in the outdoor recycling to see what I would find. I found three empty 12 pack boxes, a tall boy 6 pack, lots of cans etc. I came in and (not my finest moment) told him he's a liar. Asked him to show me where he kept it and he pulled half of another 12 pack out of the back seat of his car.

I went to my parents' for the night, and this morning I have been searching high and low. I've found so much. Tote bags of empty cans in both of his vehicles, tons of empty ZYN tins (i didnt know he did nicotine either. F***). I have his keys still, we're going to sit down and figure out what the plan is in a few hours once its a little later and he's slept more of it off. He's very apologetic, and swears he can stop but i know now he's an alcoholic and a liar so I don't know if I can trust him.

I feel like I have lost both my baby and the husband I thought I had all in one day and I'm crumbling.

Local Al-Anon has a zoom meeting today at 10, so I'm probably going to go to that. He knows he needs help.

But he works a very blue-collar job and I know his coworkers are the reason he started the ZYN pods thing so I don't know if he'll ever be able to break away from it.

I don't know what I need but I need...something.

I understand that alcoholics claim to not remember what they do/ say while drunk. Meanwhile, the people that have the pleasure of dealing with them are developing PTSD and experiencing anxiety/ panic/ heart palpitations at the sound of our phones ringing/ buzzing from texts, as we try to forget the insults/ accusations/ physical abuse hurled towards us. Do they not look back at the heinous texts they sent? Does it not hit them in a moment of clarity/ non drunkenness the morning after, how abusive and selfish they were the night before? I would be mortified to discover having sent abusive texts to someone during a moment of inebriation and would say sorry/ ask for forgiveness. If someone told me that I pulled a knife on them, trashed their house, beat them, cut up all of their clothes, I would fall to my knees at their feet most likely. But what do we get? Crickets chirping. I guess I'm having a hard time trying to decide whether it's the alcohol that makes my sibling act shitty towards us, or whether he was always just a shitty person who held these thoughts close to his heart and the alcohol only exposed them? Thanks for reading.

I’ve communicated to my husband that I don’t enjoy having sex with him after he’s been drinking. I’ve said it in many different ways over the last 2 years or so but I don’t feel heard. I said it again yesterday and honestly don’t think he had anything to drink yesterday. However, he had to work this morning and there are now 3 beers gone from the fridge that were there when I went to bed last night. Maybe beer for at work or the drive home… who knows.

I have so many ill feelings about when our now teenage daughter was a baby/toddler and I trusted her in his care while I was at work. It breaks my heart thinking about her just sitting there or playing mostly alone, when he could have been interacting with her more. “Did he drink before picking her up from school?” Still go through my head and will probably continue until she starts driving herself.

He’s never been abusive, or mean, or anything. But he isn’t himself when he’s drinking. I can just sense it by the way he talks, his sentences trail off, the look in his eyes, etc. He is very much functioning but I still hate it.

Over the years, the lies about drinking were a bit factor, and the smell, the sloppiness, have all become a wall to intimacy between us. I really WANT to be intimate, to feel the physical connection again, but it’s become such a block that I can’t seem to get over.

I realize that ultimatums are not a healthy way to support an alcoholic or the spouse of an alcoholic. But is it an ultimatum to have a personal boundary that I cannot have sex with him unless he’s sober? I’m not sure how to even approach this. He doesn’t hear me when I say it and I feel that if I truly put my foot down, he will just lie about being sober.

Any advice or just support would be so appreciated.

Hi all -

Struggling tonight. My husband quit drinking about a year ago after I gave him an ultimatum. I actually started being concerned about his drinking in 2024 but he wouldn’t quit until I told him he would have to move out if he didn’t. I urged him to get a support system, but he refused. He said he needed MY support in order to be successful, which is partially true but I cannot be the ONLY support system. He has been sober, but has not really “done the work”.
Fast forward to now, we have an eight week old baby. I have grown increasingly frustrated about how he is not working and has not contributed in any meaningful way to LIFE. He barely leaves the house and I honestly feel suffocated. The other night, I asked him if he may be suffering from depression. He said since he quit drinking, he no longer feels motivated to do anything. That was really scary and quite an eye-opener. I urged him to go and talk to someone/find an outside support system. He said he would “think about it”. I’m finally realizing that I cannot give him another year. We’ve been together for over 10 years. I cannot control him, I can only control what I will accept 🙏 I’m no longer afraid of losing the house or his reaction, but I am terrified of being here in another six months…year…five years. It’s my life too.

since leaving my boyfriend last week, I’ve been an emotional wreck. sometimes I catch myself thinking I’m making the right decision, it’s gonna be ok, I’m putting myself first, I deserve more, I’m going to just focus on my hot girl glow up & then the next thing you know, I’m crying just looking at the couch where my bf used to sit. I cry looking out my window up into the clouds, in the shower, when I look in the mirror, before bed and in the morning. why the fuck does God allow such an evil disease to take over the people we love. It’s not fair. I’m just so angry but so sad at the same time. I love this man so much. He was my everything. The person I truly thought I was going to finish this life with. I’m trying to be strong but all I wanna do is run right back into his arms..

Seriously fuck alcohol and drug addiction.

For 40 years ive watch my dad drink. He lost his wife 3 years ago due to alcoholism. I held my step moms hand why she took her last breath. Now he is entering the last stages and my heart just breaks. For context my dad raised 2 children in a generation where single fathers weren't recognized. Hes always even now the most generous and kindest person ive ever known. Hes an amazing grandfather who my adult and teen children are very close too.

Unfortunately he let the alcohol win. I cant wrap my head around it, I cant accept losing him. I am lost. I know the pain hes about to go though I know the end results. Im broken

(Please excuse my errors im in a highly emotional state)

It's been a tough week. I told myself I was going to stop giving so much of myself, to stop trying to be vulnerable in front of my husband (Q), thinking I could get through to him. But it's like he can feel me pull back, and he keeps digging until he gets me to open up to him.

Then it turns into a fight, even though I was just trying to explain how something made me feel. He made me think he'd actually care if he just understood. I knew better, but I still tried.

Sleeping in my car in the driveway, because I don't have anywhere else to go. I don't know what I'm going to do in the morning, when he has to take the car to work. I just feel so done.

I don't even know what I'm trying to get out of writing this honestly

I found this subreddit a few days ago and I think part of me is just relieved that somewhere like this exists because nobody in my actual life really knows what's going on and I feel like I've been carrying around so many thoughts for so long that maybe I just need somewhere to put them. I honestly think I'm probably going to keep coming back here whenever something happens even if it's just to get everything out of my head for a little while.

I'm twenty and I have a one-year-old son and a few weeks ago I found out that I'm pregnant again and his dad still has absolutely no idea.

From the outside my life probably looks normal. I go to university, I spend time with my family, I post photos of my son and everyone just assumes we're another young couple trying to figure life out.

What nobody knows is that my family has absolutely no idea about his drinking.

And when I say that I don't mean that they know a little bit and don't realise how bad it is. I mean they genuinely don't know anything. They see the funny version of him, the version who sits at family dinners making everyone laugh and carries our son around for hours and helps me with university when I'm stressed.

They don't know about the nights where I wake up and realise he isn't home or the arguments that somehow always seem to happen after he's been out. They don't know that I've become weirdly good at telling the difference between him being genuinely tired and him sleeping half the day because he drank too much the night before.

And I hate admitting this but sometimes I feel like alcohol has become this third thing in our relationship that's always there even when he isn't drinking.

Because most of the time he actually isn't drunk.

Most days are normal. Most days he's genuinely a good partner and an amazing dad. When I was pregnant with our son he stopped drinking completely and stayed sober for months. He helps with our son, he helps me study and there are entire weeks where I convince myself that maybe things really are getting better.

And then something happens and suddenly I'm back where I started.

He goes out with friends. He comes home different. He sleeps for ages. He wakes up with headaches and acts irritated all day and we end up arguing over stupid things that somehow turn into huge fights.

And I spend hours wondering whether I'm overreacting or whether I'm actually underreacting.

I think that's why I feel so alone because people hear the word alcoholic and imagine chaos every single day and that's not really what my life looks like. My life looks normal right up until it suddenly doesn't.

And somehow over the years I've started changing too.

Sometimes he'll hug me and I'll hug him back but part of me just feels tired in a way I don't even know how to explain. Not angry and not heartbroken exactly. Just exhausted.

And then I feel guilty for even feeling that way because I knew him before all of this. Before his friend died. Before the depression. Before alcohol became part of our lives.

I still remember who he used to be and I think that's part of the reason I'm struggling so much because I don't sit here thinking that I need to get away from some terrible man.

I sit here wondering what happened to us.

And now there's another baby involved except he doesn't even know yet.

I already struggled with the idea of raising one child while trying to finish university and now I keep thinking about nurseries and sleepless nights and whether I could actually do this alone and whether he would stop drinking if he knew and whether any of that would even matter in the long run.

I don't know what answer I'm looking for anymore.

I think I just needed to tell someone.

And maybe now that I've found this place I'll stop trying to carry all of it by myself.

BF and I (both 29) have been together for 8 years. Drinking didn’t feel like an issue when we were 21, but over the years since moving in together it’s become increasingly difficult.

I love BF very much, he’s great at his job, and overall isn’t outwardly very destructive. The main issue is that as soon as I’m not around, he maximize every opportunity to be able to drink. This means after work (service industry), he’s coming home at 3-4am every night, when he rehearses or plays with his band, he’s coming home drunk, out with his friends, coming home drunk. Basically whenever he leaves, he comes home drunk. I feel conflicted bc all those things are fine on their own, but the compounded effect of him coming home drunk nearly every night over years and years has me at my end. I feel repulsed when he crawls in bed smelling like booze, and generally just don’t like him being around him when he’s drunk, whether it’s 2 beer or 20 I just feel turned off and irritated.

Obviously there are many times in which these outings did become messy, because once he starts drinking he doesn’t stop. A couple rock bottoms were hit over the years and we’ve had several conversations about figuring it out, cutting back, etc but ofc it never lasts. He knows he has a problem and has often expressed heavy guilt and regret, but ultimately is still in denial and thinks he can find a way to control it.

I feel bad because I’m holding so much resentment from years of dealing with his drinking that I get so triggered whenever he makes the choice to drink even when the situation seems more “reasonable”. Because everything feels affected by it, even if there’s no tangible destructive evidence: when he’a hungover, he doesn’t contribute to the household chores, he doesn’t wanna do things, etc. He’s too low on cash to take me on dates, but can go get drinks and drunkenly order uber eats every night after work. There’s like a whole ecosystem of resentment.

I feel emotionally distanced from him because I love him as a sober person but have to be around the drunk version of him nearly half the time. We’ve been talking about getting married but I’m honestly not ready for that until he can truly demonstrate a desire to get a drip. Is this as bad as it feels?

God grant me the courage to send it and stick to my boundaries……….

Most importantly I want to tell you that I love you with all my heart. I have from the moment we met. I never felt anything like the love that struck me the second we locked eyes for the first time. It was you and that was that. I knew it when we saw each other again. That was that. That was love. Indescribable really, but truer than anything I’ve ever felt - and that has never changed. Places have changed. Situations have changed. We have been blessed with so much. A beautiful life. The most incredible children. I am grateful to you. For your love and support always - even at our worst.

For a long time I believed your drinking was all my fault. I was too boring, or not ambitious enough, not organized, awful in the kitchen and forgetful. Too fat, not sexy anymore. Whatever I could pin on myself I did, and I hated the person I became. Anxious, silent, cold, resentful, watching my every step and yours and unable to help or provide loving support in any meaningful way. I’m sorry. I have learned that my self confidence throughout most of my life has been based on what others think of me and because I felt I couldn’t do things right by you, I hated myself and it showed up in ways that I’m not proud of for a very long time. I’m sorry for treating you that way.

I don’t want to be without you and I’m fearful of a future without you by my side as my husband and best friend. But I’m coming to terms with a knowing that if nothing changes, it is very possible - probable- that your disease will kill you. Your kids will have no father. Your son will lose his best friend and hero.

I know that I have no right to manage your sobriety and your choices. I am only responsible for myself. It took me a very long time to understand this and what it actually entails. I am still a work in progress but I do have a clearer understanding of my values and my need for a life where those values are upheld. A life where honesty, emotional safety and integrity are not partially upheld but are at the forefront of every decision I make. I have not done a great job of upholding these values in the past but again I am a work in progress. I ask you now to please give me the dignity to stand by my values. If you drink or bring drugs in our house again I will leave with our children immediately. This is a boundary I am creating for myself because I am worthy of an honest, peaceful life. Our kids deserve safety. You deserve the dignity of making your own choices without me judging or trying to change outcomes. I love you.

for the people who have partners specifically, what made you finally leave.. majority of my family growing up were alcoholics and it was normalized but never in a million years did I think I’d get into that situation.
I married a closeted drinker. when it’s good it’s great but it’s been a cycle of really bad to good. Emotionally I’m exhausted. We’ve only been married less than a year, thankfully no children.
I’m sad to say I’m just waiting on the day something even more drastic happens that I’ll just have to let go of the idea of a normal relationship. I miss myself and him before all of this happened. people have been telling me to give him more time but I’m not sure how much time that will take?
For now I plan on doing things for myself & feel excited about that part. I’ll be thankful for any type of response 🫂

My partner of 6 years has had on average a relapse every 2.5 weeks for the last 12 months, prior to this we had broken up for about 9 months and I took my dog and just left. Things got worse for her. A LOT worse,

Time went on she reached out we got back together I was moving anyway and she came with me

Shortly after her little brother came to live here too as he couldn't stay with mum as she's also in active addiction and can't care for him. I'm now his foster carer.

It's a dry house, no one comes into the house under the influence, no one uses any substances in it either. (I've no history with addiction and can consume drink healthily if I choose to and don't consume other substances anyway, however I have always remained completely sober when with her)

Alcohol isn't her substance of choice but I couldn't find a sub for other substances so I hope this is okay

Anyway I hit my limit of giving out chances and I'm genuinely gutted because this wasn't the way things were supposed to go. She's currently still living here and we are not really getting on but I won't see her on the streets so she's applying for places on her own, the mental health team have said basically 'its your own fault' to her and drug services haven't been involved at all, she calls when she relapses, gets told someone will call her back, they never do or when they do they say 'what do you want us to do about that?'

Her grandma is mad at me for asking her to leave because I'm supposed to support her and love her but she also won't allow her to go there either because she can't cope with the baggage that comes with living with someone you love and watching them destroy themselves

I don't know what my goal was posting this

I'm just worn out and upset and needed to vent to people that understand

Most of my friends have no patience for the topic because they've been telling me to leave for years

But it's easy for them to say that when they only see the addict and not the person underneath

I just feel so helpless and lost right now

I regret the boundary and putting it in place after threatening it numerous times, I know things are just going to get worse and worse

But realistically everything was just so unsustainable without changed behaviour that she evidently isn't willing to do

I am grateful that in Al-Anon, through the Traditions and the principle of participation in Concept Four, I am encouraged to voice my concerns at business meetings. By practicing these principles, I discovered that when I find the courage to speak up, I can contribute meaningfully and sometimes make a significant impact. —“If I Am Aware , I Am Responsible ,” p11 The Forum July 2026, Copyright ©️ 2026 by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters Inc.

I don’t have to like everybody, but I want to look deeper to find the spirit that we share in common. —Courage to Change p204 Copyright ©️ 1992 by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters Inc.

Al-Anon has taught me to concentrate on myself and to discern what I really need to do for me, not what I “should” do. That might mean going to a meeting, or it might mean something else. I need to remember that Al-Anon is a gentle way of life, not a military drill. —Hope for Today p204 Copyright ©️ 2002 by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters Inc.

There is room for growth where there is mutual respect and trust. —Reaching for Personal Freedom, quoted in A Little Time for Myself p204 Copyright ©️ 2023 by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters Inc.

Sometimes I think the whole world revolves around me, but the program is there to remind me that it doesn’t. When people don’t treat me the way I want to be treated or do things the way I think they should be done, I’ll remember that everybody is entitled to their own opinion. I know what I believe about myself. I’ll use the program today to be comfortable with that. —ALATEEN—a day at a time p204 Copyright ©️ 1983 by Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters Inc.

Hi everyone, I’m in a new relationship with someone who consistently drinks at least 3 beers every evening, usually more.

It doesn’t seem to impair him in anyway, he doesn’t change personalities, or have any noticeable impacts on him. For some reason I’m still uncomfortable with the amount.
Does this sound like something to bring up as a dependency?

my bf (26) and i f(25) have been together for 8 years and have a 3 year old daughter. he has been addicted to drugs since i met him, when i first met him he was doing pain pills but never multiplie times a day, it gradually grew in size on how much he would consume in a single day to dozens in a week. he has tried a lot of pain pills (oxy, morphine, hydro, perc, etc) also suboxone, fent (fake blue pills) and now kratom. he OD on fent in my arms after he told his mom and promised her he would sell it(he bought the stuff off reddit) , she gave it to him and he did some and it took 7 narcan to bring him back, but he doesn’t seem to care. he is so mean to me ,whether he has taken anything or not. i have told him for years that i love him and the things he does (drugs, verbal abuse, emotional distress, disrespect) hurt me. he just doesn’t care about it, doesn’t care about anything at all. i know he loves our daughter and i but doesn’t show it in the ways he would’ve years ago. he is always in a bad mood, even on a decent day he is still always upset about some shit. when i call him out on his behavior, all the things he says to me and how he talks to me, he plays victim and says this is why he should die, how worthless he is, etc and it seems as though he is manipulating me because i have to apologize to him when i do no wrong in the moment just because he is making me feel bad for telling him how he hurt me. i am not innocent, i can start arguments and not be very kind to him, but as a whole, i 7/10 lash out because of built up tension and anger from the way i am treated. he has told me vulgar things multiple times as well as saying he hates me, regrets me, i ruined his life, that he regrets having a child, etc. i have and have always had, long before i have known him, struggled with severe depression and anxiety, i have diagnosed BPD, MDD, bipolar 1. i am medicated and have been for years, on and off trying different meds. i do not drive (no permit) and it’s a struggle to work. i freak out when things don’t play out the way they do in my head, so when i expect him to understand and care and he doesn’t, i lose my mind. he is a gaslighter, a manipulative and narcissistic person, says i take no accountability, that i’m the problem in almost EVERY argument or situation we are in because i am “boring” and “stupid” as he says. he also makes me uncomfortable about sexual things, makes me feel bad for never wanting to do anything with him. i am so attracted to him, i love him very much, he is my first everything. although i love him, i simply can’t express or fathom the words to describe how uncomfortable i am about sex. he treats me like SHIT over it, and i just want to feel loved and respected by him, i am romantic and physical touch and small kisses on my forehead, etc all things a girl really wants from her boyfriend, he doesn’t do. he will try barely, it just doesn’t feel right. he says that i disappoint him because i don’t want to have sex, also said once in a fight that i’m only good for my vagina. he has hurt me so deeply and when i tell him his drug use makes me so sad and heartbroken, that his family feels the same way, he turns it around on him saying how is it fair that he HAS to be miserable sober for his family and loved ones to be happy. sobriety is not easy, can’t force someone to get help, i’m aware, i lost my brother to OD 2 years ago. the thing is though being sober and sobriety is something you have to FIGHT every single day and WANT to be better for yourself first and the ones you love who love you. he doesn’t want that, he really does NOT care. i don’t want to break apart our family, he is a good dad to our daughter but that isn’t enough. i don’t know what to do or how to do it, i don’t know if there is only hope for our relationship anymore as he is always so annoyed at me (i like showing my interests, my shows,something on my game etc) he doesn’t care, not one bit, barely looks up from his phone and gives the “oh yeah” “that’s cool” “hell yeah” but when he shows or mentions an interest of his, i listen and watch what he says or shows. i cry myself to sleep at least 4 nights a week thinking about it, but if i mention it to him, like i mentioned earlier, he takes no accountability. is my relationship a lost cause? he thinks of me so poorly and treats me that way, i damn near feel like a door matt. how do i go about trying to get him help when he doesn’t want it? has drugs altered minds so much that they’d rather do drugs than save $ and be present in life with loved ones? i don’t know what to do anymore, i am so heartbroken and burnt out. please tell me someone has experienced this.

Just found out my son who suffers from alcoholism got released from the hospital. A friend did a wellness check yesterday and cops took him to the ER. His blood alcohol level was .49 when he came in. He was kept overnight and released later this morning. He doesn’t have insurance. I thought hospitals had counselors that could sign him up for Medicaid. I think he would qualify but I also know he’s not ready to stop. So, he may have denied help. It’s so heartbreaking when you realize you can’t force someone to get help. He was already drinking again when he called me.

I feel like have nowhere else to go deal with this issue.

I have a problem reacting to my wife’s drinking. I always say the wrong things and come back to my insecurities. I feel so betrayed when she gets blackout drunk or hides her drinking or any of the million things that trigger me, being a child of a raging alcoholic. I don’t drink. I used to, but I realised, I do not even like the buzz or the feeling of being drunk. It’s never worth it for me. I am always surprised how much she enjoys it and how reckless she is on the bender. I was always surprised when my father did that too.

For context - we’ve been married for almost 20 years. The start was quite rocky and it apparently gave me wounds that open frequently. She lied to me quite a few times in the beginning and said very hurtful things when we fought. Few times she lied about her relations with other men too. When we fought, we fought over my jealousy, distrust etc and I need to take my chunk of blame here. Trust is difficult. And I feel she’s way out of my league, so why should she be faithful, right?

But I sometimes feel I had reasons to be jealous or simply feel not taken into consideration. The fights were about saying she was somewhere else when in fact she was with her ex (supposedly chatting). Or about wrapping a night out at her female friend’s place with 2 other guys also there. Or about late night text messages from a coworker (it’s just memes). Or, in the end coming home blackout drunk from a work night out after chatting the whole night with a guy in an open marriage looking for options and thanking him for a great night out the following day. I feel like in these situations I was not a factor. As in there was not a thought like: oh, it’s probably not fair to my husband. It’s always rather: he’s not going to dictate where I can go and with whom.

Now, when she drinks and does dumb stuff, I always come back to these issues instead of actually focusing on what matters. And last time I said something really dumb, in lines of: I know you did something in the past, I feel it, you’ve been in too many of those uncomfortable situations and you are super flirty when buzzed, you get blackout drunk as well so you need to admit what you did. I am not taking another apologies until you do.

This is so ridiculous. I shouldn’t have said that. I never should say anything like this, but with the trust gone, I am just spiralling and go to my darkest fears. That’s not even the real issue and the next time we speak, we will start with the fact that she has enough of my controlling behaviors and I will have to end up apologizing, instead of focusing on her drinking and putting herself in potentially dangerous situations. And after a brief sober period, we will end up in the same fight after she will have overdone it.

How do you deal with that? We all have so much built up living with an addict, and it must be difficult to separate the issues and discuss only what matters - the addiction is the root, everything else follows. Do you have any advice?

I won’t get into all the details because that would take forever, but basically I’m concerned about one of my friend’s (I’ll call her D) drinking habits. We’ve known each other since high school and are in our mid 20s now. Our entire friend group likes to go out and have a good time which sometimes includes bars or other drinking activities, especially during college and in our very early 20s. D has always been the more frequent drinker among us but it was never really at a point where I’d consider it to be a problem for the first several years of our friendship.

Fast forward to a couple of years ago when I was visiting D for about two weeks and I noticed that she was either drinking or smoking weed almost everyday. When she would get home from work, she would either have a few shots of tequila, take enough weed to get her pretty high, or both. I sorta thought that was an unhealthy behavior but she was never drunk/high at work, never drove under the influence, or anything reckless like that. On the other hand, she became extremely angry, argumentative, and unpleasant to be around although never got into physical fights. She would constantly get into arguments with her husband over stupid shit and just ruin everyone’s mood. Other times she would pick a fight with me or someone else in our friend group which, again, just spoiled whatever good time we were having.

I’ve been friends for her husband for a very long time as well, since before they started dating, so I reluctantly brought my concerns up with him. He said he also had similar concerns and would try talking to D about it since now those concerns were also coming from a person outside of their relationship. The times I hung out with D after that, it seemed like she wasn’t drinking quite as often but she was still getting high almost every day.

Most recently, I went on vacation with D and her husband. On the first day of our vacation, she wasn’t able to get the day off from work so she ended up working remotely on the flight to our destination. She had 4 shots of liquor during this time. I made comment about her drinking while working (albeit remote working) and she just brushed it off by saying that the alcohol helps with the motion sickness she gets while flying and that she’s drinking to enjoy her vacation. D spent the rest of our vacation getting drunk every day and starting more stupid arguments with either her husband or myself. She would wake up the next morning super hungover, feeling nauseous, with a pounding headache, etc. which made the vacation less enjoyable because we had to start our days later because she couldn’t get out of bed, couldn’t do some activities because they would worsen her headache or nausea, and so on. There was one night when we went to a comedy show and she kept heckling the comedian because she was drunk which was extremely embarrassing for me. Speaking for myself, her behavior while she was drunk 100% ruined a vacation that I spent a lot of money to go on and, more importantly, was looking forward to for a long time because I wanted to spend time with two of my closest friend that I don’t get to see very often.

Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this situation? I’m honestly not even sure if D actually has a drinking problem or if I’m just blowing the situation out of proportion because I don’t like the way she acts when she does drink (although writing this post gave my some clarity on that tbh). I want to talk to her about my concerns but I also don’t want to sound like I’m trying to preach at her about how she should live her life. I’m also worried that if I do basically accuse her of being an alcoholic, it might ruin our friendship.

i grew up in a family where no one drank alcoholfor religious and cultural reasons. On both sides ofmy family, drinking just wasn't part of our lives. Growing up in North America, I was obviouslyexposed to it, and I had my fun with it in university, but now I don't really drink at all. I'm now in my first serious relationship, and mypartner comes from a family where alcohol is anormal part of life. They'll have wine with dinner, drinks at family gatherings, or a drink on the weekend. They do sometimes drink excessively and get drunk for no reason and that’s when I get uncomfortable.

Intellectually, I understand that not everyone was raised the way I was, and I know my perspective is shaped by my upbringing. I don't hate alcohol, andI don't judge people who drink. But I also genuinely don't understand the appeal. Even if someone isn'tgetting drunk, I still find myself wondering, "Why are you drinking? What's the benefit?" If it's not a birthday , a celebration, or another special occasion, I don't really see the point. That's just my personal philosophy. Lately I've been thinking more about what this means for the future, especially if we have kids. I know we're raising them in North America, where alcohol is a normal part of the culture, and I don’t expect my kids to never have a drink. At the same time, I don't really envision alcohol being a regular part of family life the way my partner grew up with it. I'm trying to figure out what healthy compromises look like in relationships where one partner doesn't drink and the other does.

If you grew up similarly to me, how have you navigated this? If you have kids, how do you approach alcohol in your home? Do you set boundaries around drinking? Do you let your kids drink when they're older? Has this difference in values caused issues in your relationship , or has it become a non-issue overtime? I'm genuinely looking for perspectives from people who have lived this, especially those who grew up in non-drinking households but built a family with someone who drinks socially. How did you think through it, and what has worked for you? This version focuses the discussion on your future family rather than whether alcohol itself is good or bad, which is more likely to get thoughtful advice instead of arguments about drinking.

sorry if this isnt the best page - im happy to hear better communities, im new to posting on reddit.

Hi I’m new, I made a post on another sub and was directed here. My MIL has a bad drinking and drug problem, it’s gotten to the point where she is convinced she’s at rock bottom and all she has left is her bf and their drugs. He treats her like shit and just uses her for money so they can both get more drugs and alcohol.

I’m at a breaking point, I can’t stand her anymore, the hurt she’s caused me, my partner, her own parents. We’ve tried being gentle and patient, we’ve tried being communicative, we’ve tried sending her resources, we’ve tried being very blunt and being tough when expressing to her how she’s hurting us. I’ve stopped giving her money since she never uses the money for what she says she’s going to and only uses it for her benders (she literally just messaged me for money as I’m typing this and is now lashing out at me for saying no)

I don’t want to give up on her, she’s the only parent my partner has left, she’s the only parental figure I have left too, but I don’t know what to do anymore. An intervention didn’t work, she just stormed out while cussing us all out, and she refuses to go to rehab. My partner and I have stopped enabling her, but she refuses to accept our help or help herself. There has to be something else we can do though, one last way to help her see reason. Please help.

I left my Q 3 weeks ago and this has been one of the toughest times in my life by far. It’s like all my self-confidence flew out the window these last months and I feel like a shell right now. I can’t wait to do all the right things, get to therapy, and finally feel whole again though.
I’m incredibly aware of my own psychology and yet I’m still a prisoner to it. Aren’t we all though? It’s like I knew her psychology better than mine and it’s weirdly convinced me I can just never be mad at her.
The other day I was researching trauma bonding and narcissism and other therapy videos. I partly forgot that she was still logged into my YouTube on her TV and she saw that. Of course she retaliates and types in “Dating narcissist boyfriend” into the search bar so that I’ll see it next time I use YouTube. I know she’s just trying to hurt me and I don’t even know why I’m letting it. She’s not a narcissist and I know that but I was just going down a hole of researching the topic. I don’t even know why I even feel bad she saw it but part of me is so sad that maybe the last impression she’ll get of me is that I could easily sum her up to be a narcissist. I guess I just never wanted her to think I’m spiteful or hateful because that’s just not the case. I guess I also just wanted her to fully apologize someday and I know I’m going through my own mental crisis but what if she never realizes I was only trying to help the entire relationship because of this? I logged her out by the way.

I know this is really unhealthy but it’s like, why do I care so much about someone that continuously is trying to harm me after the relationship? She demanded all of the gifts she gave me back once I broke up with her and I care that she saw I was looking up narcissism? I haven’t contacted her in 2 weeks but man, this has been hard.

I know the obvious answer is hey you can’t control what people think of you. But man I just wish she could know that I know she’s very mentally unwell and I would never hate or judge her for it.

I am 32 years old, study law, and work for the city hall.

My husband is 31 years old and comes from a family history where his grandfather was an alcoholic and died of cirrhosis, and his father, now 48 years old, is bedridden in diapers and hallucinating because of drinking.

My husband drinks every day and says absurd things to me when he is drunk. I help him, his grandmother, and his father, taking care of them and everything they need.

I have been talking to him and asked him to stop drinking, well, at least during the week. He says he will stop, stayed 4 days without drinking, and then it all went back to the way it was. He is on medical leave from work because he broke his arm, and he has been treating me like I am the nagging one in the relationship who demands too much.

This is breaking me, consuming me. I am the villain in a story that I am carrying entirely on my own shoulders, I feel exhausted, and I have the urge to give up on everything, absolutely everything.

I love him so much, but I am drained.

I’m honestly embarrassed to find myself in this position, but here we are. My Q relapsed on weed a couple years ago and his tolerance for discomfort and emotional regulation has worsened basically day by day. 

He is sort of in therapy, never for long. He owns two houses.  One is essentially a construction zone he hopes to sell. We own the other together, where I live now. Together 8 years. There was a brief period of time about a year 
ago he agreed to go stay at other house get into over them with meetings because there are more in that area, that would give him the space he needed for me as I am generally pretty frustrated with him as the ball gets dropped on responsibilities/tasks. Our general cycle is that he says he needs me to be nicer and more encouraging so that he has the spirit to have follow through and I say it’s hard for me to support an environment environment with that general undertone when I’m repeatedly being disrespected and often it feels like deceived. 

Anyway, i can not control or fix him and I can only control myself. SO — 

He had been about a decade sober from drinking. I guess he had some beers on Friday while he was at the other house. Now he’s back here and I’m looking for support from you guys with determining and asserting boundaries.

I respect this is his home too but I often feel like I’m still providing a padding above rock bottom. He has been screaming angry often, always saying I’m partially responsible. He found out his car is totaled last week and wanted to take one of mine for a ride just for fun earlier. I feel like I’ve seen the situation pretty clearly for a while now, but it’s escalating quickly and going in a direction that I no longer feel like I can navigate without a little input around where I’m being too soft on him and where I can assert my boundaries without disrespecting him. My concern is that feel like I do not have any respect for him at all right now and I think I’m over correcting in the opposite direction as a result. 

Appreciate you guys 🙏🏻

TLDR: My friend is upset I wrote a letter back to my ex. And I struggle with how she makes a blanket statement about our relationship.

I was dating someone for half a year and we really clicked. I'm sober for personal reasons, nothing with addiction.

My ex was open that he checked himself into rehab over a year ago and got sober. During our dating, he was nothing but a supportive and loving partner to me.

Then his Rx changed. And with this change brought about his addictive behaviors. It was almost night and day within a week of changing his prescription.

Long story short, he drove to my house and was drunk. His behavior was off, he got paranoid, accused me of cheating, and just said the most terrible things to me.

The following day he apologized, admitted fault, and was going to AA. We agreed to meet in person, where I broke it off and he understood. Not because I dont love him, mind you. But I know that at 6 months, I'm the last relationship he needs to focus on right now. I want him to get sober for himself.

He sent me a letter today, on his one week anniversary of sobriety. Said he was working the 12 steps, and although our breakup was hard it was the right thing. He said he understood if I didnt write back.

I did. But I kept it away from my own feelings and emotions. I didnt give any hopes of us getting back together. Just that I love him and I was proud.

My best friend called and I told her about it.

She goes "okay. Thats enough. Youre never doing that again". I know it comes from a place of love and concern, but it was just so harsh. Yes, that day he was drunk - was so terrible. It was like my friend died. Truly.

I didnt break up with him because I didnt love him anymore. I broke up with him because I do.

Addiction sucks. But I refuse to just blindly put someone in a box of "youre an addict. So fuck off youre a piece of trash" (paraphrasing here)

For fuck sakes Im not getting back together with him. But giving a cold shoulder silent treatment is not true to who I am and is disingenuous.

"If he writes you again you are NOT writing back". Its like I cant grieve around my friends. And what doesn't help is just dog piling on someone.

Its like no matter what I'm letting someone down.