r/whatdoIdo • u/purrfectschemer • 1h ago
Resident Doctor husband caught cheating again with a nursing student kissing in the hospital
Just some context, my husband got fired from a different hospital before from his residency program for having sex with a nurse in the hospital bathroom. A medical student reported them and they were escorted out of the hospital by security. He was put on probation because of this. After that, he was caught drinking in a rooftop bar during his night shift meeting with the same nurse so he was eventually fired and kicked out from his program. The program also knows he is using weed outside the hospital but still under the clock while doing notes for patient charts. All of this was reported to me by their chief resident, program director, and other "good samaritans" who messaged me anonymously on social media. I found out that he was telling everyone we're not married and was just boyfriend-girlfriend. (June 2024)
We recently just got married (2023) and I just received my green card so this is being put over my head about accepting him back and fixing things. It also matters to me because I have spent so much time and money for my application just for him to ruin it for me. We have been together 6 years not including the 3 years we have been married.
Fast forward to us moving to NYC where I'm working at (August 2024). I decided to move forward and build our life again (as a stupid wife). I supported him with my little salary, paid for rent, utilities, food, groceries. All he was paying for was our cats by using his parent's credit card. I helped him with my connections in the city to get back on his feet. He was finally able to convince another residency program to take him.
He worked in this hospital first with a different position (August 2025) and they decided to take him in as their resident. He's only been working there for a year before starting as a resident a month ago (residency starts on June, yearly). I was charging our Apple Watch on a random day and some women intuition was just telling me something's not right. I found out in his WhatsApp some messages from a girl saying "I want your kisses again (name)" and "Can you not wear your glasses when we ding ding" and "pound your white ass body on me". It felt like a bucket of ice was thrown on my body but I am also not surprised this happened again. The messages were recent from May 25, 2026. I decided to confront my husband about it when he gets home but I couldn't wait so I called him while he's in the hospital. He said he doesn't know that person when I asked him so I said I have seen the messages. He denied them until he said it was just flirtatious banters. But I pointed out that it said "kiss you again" means that not nothing happened. So he said it was going on for 3 months and blocked her already. He said they kiss on the hospital lobby and was walking her out.
Now I'm sitting on this thinking if I should report him to HR and his residency program. Please give me some advice. All I have are pictures of messages in his Apple Watch and videos showing that it is his account and showing girl's number and their messages. I don't know if this is enough evidence to report someone. I am also considering the NYS Medical Board. I would love to report the girl/nursing student also to her school since she knew about me and keeps messaging him that's why he blocked her (according to him). She's not rotating in the same hospital as my husband anymore and I do not have ways to find out more information about her. All I have is her first name and her number. I reverse-searched her number on Zelle and her registered name there is still unsearchable online. ALSO, he is still using weed while doing his patient charts at home. So many problems that he has which is becoming a pattern.
I understand everyone will just tell me to leave and that my Green Card will be fine but I'm also a doctor and honestly I would not let this slide if it were my co-worker fucking around the hospital. Please give me some enlightenment or some options on what to do.
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u/jb6997 1h ago
Report this guy and cut your losses. He obviously didn’t learn a lesson and will continue with his bad behavior which could ultimately hurt your reputation too for being affiliated with him.
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u/purrfectschemer 58m ago
I was thinking about this too because I have introduced him to my connections all over the city to help him get back on his feet. I'm about to apply for residency and he is kinda ruining my chances in this hospital if I report him.
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u/Historical-Piglet-86 48m ago
Why are you with this man?
He knew the PROFESSIONAL consequences and engaged in this type of behaviour. He is not going to stop. He WILL lose his license. I’ve seen this play out before
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u/purrfectschemer 28m ago
because I am stupid and was blinded with love among all the other things like my greencard still pending at the time.
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u/Historical-Piglet-86 25m ago
Well, you stay, he will drag you down with him. Your call.
Youre a physician, so you’re clearly not stupid. Stop acting like it
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u/Teacher67 10m ago
Blinded by love and convenience happens to the best of us. But you’re wide awake now. Keep those eyes wide open and use those critical thinking skills that I know you have sharpened. Plan your path out of this, he will not change. You deserve better.
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u/East_Unit3765 37m ago
Is your husband an addict? Sounds like an addict. If you can safely stay in this country report him and then divorce him. You deserve better.
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u/purrfectschemer 29m ago
yes he is addicted to marijuana (daily user, sometimes vape, sometimes the bud) and sex (hence the cheating and looking for cheap thrills).
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u/Try_at-your-own_Risk 55m ago
He’s never gonna stop cheating I wouldn’t report him so I could get the alimony
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u/girl_in_flannel 30m ago
You would rather put people at risk of being in this buffoon’s care so you could get money?
Cheating aside, he is smoking and drinking on the job.
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u/Try_at-your-own_Risk 20m ago
Without evidence he could easily say she’s lying and because she can only prove the cheating she would just come across as a woman scorned and it could easily backfire.
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u/purrfectschemer 37m ago
we have a prenup and one of the sections was about cheating and how I cannot get money for it.
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u/Try_at-your-own_Risk 36m ago
You are still entitled to your spousal allowance if he doesn’t have a job he won’t be able to pay for it. It’s up to you but either way there’s nothing that annoys men more than financial losses.
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u/Teacher67 7m ago
The cheating aside, you have been financially supporting him through med school. He owes you alimony when he gets out. It doesn’t have to be because he “cheated”. Distrust and lying are enough.
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u/purrfectschemer 1m ago
I only supported him after he got fired from his first residency program. Supported him for a year until he got a job last year.
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u/foreverforward5 53m ago
DItto to what others saying - as the doctor, you should be aware of what ethic and reporting requirements you have, follow those. On a practical level - run like your pants are on fire (after carefully orchestrating your escape with the help of the best lawyers available to you)
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u/QBerengaria 21m ago
Here are the questions: would you want him as your doctor? Would you be okay with him as an attending physician to patients? If no, you know what to do.
And yes, everyone is going to tell you to leave. Is keeping your green card predicated on you staying with him? Also, why did you sign a pre-nup that says you get nothing if he cheats? No wonder he's whipping it out every chance he gets! It's because he can. Can you live with that?
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u/purrfectschemer 3m ago
I would not want him as my doctor and I cannot turn a blind eye on how he treats his patients.
My green card is conditional for 2 years and I can apply for removal of conditions by January 2027. I do not know if it’s smart to just wait it out before leaving so it would be a smooth process once I apply for citizenship.
For our prenup, he was refusing to get married if cheating consequences is part of the prenup. He said I might use his previous cheating incidents to get alimony. Honestly, this was wrong on my part and there’s nothing I can do about it now.
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u/82ndFunHouse 53m ago
You a doctor and you can’t make up your mind. Let him be successful of your back then so he can finally have his career and leave.
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u/lestattomylouis 36m ago
idk anything about green cards but… why did you even stay? he’s never gonna do better bc if he wanted to, he’d not have done it again
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u/AnimalAkaWillum 26m ago
This is a tough situation.
I sent you a note about a possible solution to this quandary.
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u/DoctorDepravo 18m ago
You know the ethical thing to do for his patients.
You know the furious thing to do for your ego and pain.
You know the responsible thing to do for your own well-being and future happiness.
He’s trash. And one takes out wet, hot garbage, not shares a life with it.
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u/thesciencewalrus 16m ago
As a resident myself, this absolutely needs to be reported to his program director (there’s almost always contact info online for someone who can get a message to them, most likely a program coordinator). Especially doing patient charting while under the influence. I would also mention what got him kicked out from the other program, it’s possible the current program doesn’t know the full details. Either way, someone with his judgement and decision making does not belong in the medical field
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u/purrfectschemer 8m ago
I have the email address of the program coordinator and program director. I am thinking they might just ignore me. I cannot prove his weed use unless they drug test him. Same with the affairs because all I have are pictures/videos of their messages. I am not sure if they would even entertain but I do have a copy of the probation letter from the hospital he got fired from.
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u/TheWrendigo 1h ago
HR report minimum. Don’t let your marriage ruin your career.